Chapter 29（斯特里克兰德与斯特鲁夫的婚姻危机）

I kept silence for a little while, thinking of what Stroeve had told me. — 我保持沉默片刻，思考着斯特罗夫告诉我的事情。 —

I could not stomach his weakness, and he saw my disapproval. — 我无法容忍他的软弱，他看出了我的不满。 —

“You know as well as I do how Strickland lived, ” he said tremulously. — “你和我一样清楚斯特里克兰的生活方式，”他颤声说道。 —

“I couldn’t let her live in those circumstances – I simply couldn’t. “ “我不能让她在那种环境下生活—我就是不能。”

“That’s your business, ” I answered. “那是你的事，”我回答道。

“What would you have done?” he asked. “如果是你，你会怎么做呢？”他问道。

“She went with her eyes open. If she had to put up with certain inconveniences it was her own lookout. “ “她是有意愿的。如果她不得不忍受一些不便，那是她自己的事。”

“Yes; but, you see, you don’t love her. “ “是的，但你看，你并不爱她。”

“Do you love her still?” “你还爱她吗？”

“Oh, more than ever. Strickland isn’t the man to make a woman happy. — “哦，比以往任何时候都更多。斯特里克兰不是能让一个女人幸福的男人。 —

It can’t last. I want her to know that I shall never fail her. “ 这是不会长久的。我想让她知道我永远不会辜负她。”

“Does that mean that you’re prepared to take her back?” “这意味着你愿意接她回来吗？”

“I shouldn’t hesitate. Why, she’ll want me more than ever then. — “我不会犹豫。为什么呢，到那时她会比以往任何时候更需要我。 —

When she’s alone and humiliated and broken it would be dreadful if she had nowhere to go. “ 当她孤独、羞辱和心碎时，如果她没有地方可去，那将是可怕的。”

He seemed to bear no resentment. I suppose it was commonplace in me that I felt slightly outraged at his lack of spirit. — 他似乎没有怨恨。我想，对于我来说，稍微感到愤怒，是因为他缺乏斗志。 —

Perhaps he guessed what was in my mind, for he said: 也许他猜透了我的心思，因为他说：

“I couldn’t expect her to love me as I loved her. I’m a buffoon. — “我不能指望她像我爱她那样爱我。我是个傻瓜。 —

I’m not the sort of man that women love. I’ve always known that. — 我不是那种女人会爱上的男人。我一直都知道这一点。 —

I can’t blame her if she’s fallen in love with Strickland. “ 如果她爱上了斯特里克兰，我也不能怪她。”

“You certainly have less vanity than any man I’ve ever known, ” I said. “你确实比我认识的任何男人都不爱虚荣，”我说。

“I love her so much better than myself. It seems to me that when vanity comes into love it can only be because really you love yourself best. — “我比自己更爱她。在我看来，爱情中如果有虚荣，那只能是因为你实际上更爱自己。 —

After all, it constantly happens that a man when he’s married falls in love with somebody else; — 毕竟，经常发生一个男人结婚后会爱上别人； —

when he gets over it he returns to his wife, and she takes him back, and everyone thinks it very natural. — 当他克服这种感情后回到妻子身边，而且她会接受他，每个人都会认为这很自然。 —

Why should it be different with women?” 为什么对女人不应该有这样的情况呢？”

“I dare say that’s logical, ” I smiled, “but most men are made differently, and they can’t. “ “我敢说这很合乎逻辑，”我微笑说道，”但大多数男人都是不同的，他们做不到。”

But while I talked to Stroeve I was puzzling over the suddenness of the whole affair. — 但在与斯特罗夫交谈时，我一直在思考整个事件的突然发生。 —

I could not imagine that he had had no warning. — 我无法想象他没有任何预警。 —

I remembered the curious look I had seen in Blanche Stroeve’s eyes; — 我记得我在布兰奇·斯特罗夫的眼中看到的奇怪表情； —

perhaps its explanation was that she was growing dimly conscious of a feeling in her heart that surprised and alarmed her. 也许它的解释是她在心中模糊意识到一个令她惊讶和担忧的感觉。

“Did you have no suspicion before to-day that there was anything between them?” I asked. “在今天之前你没有怀疑过他们之间有什么吗？”我问道。

He did not answer for a while. There was a pencil on the table, and unconsciously he drew a head on the blotting-paper. 他沉默了一会儿。桌子上有一支铅笔，他下意识地在吸墨纸上画了一个头。

“Please say so, if you hate my asking you questions, ” I said. “如果你讨厌我问问题，请告诉我，”我说。

“It eases me to talk. Oh, if you knew the frightful anguish in my heart. — “讲出来会让我感到轻松。哦，如果你知道我内心的可怕痛苦。 —

” He threw the pencil down. “Yes, I’ve known it for a fortnight. — “他把铅笔扔了下去。”是的，我已经知道两周了。 —

I knew it before she did. “ 我比她更早知道。

“Why on earth didn’t you send Strickland packing?” “天啊，你为什么不把 Strickland 赶走呢？”

“I couldn’t believe it. It seemed so improbable. She couldn’t bear the sight of him. — “我无法相信。这看起来太不可思议了。她无法忍受看到他。 —

It was more than improbable; it was incredible. I thought it was merely jealousy. — 这不仅不可思议，而且难以置信。我以为只是嫉妒。 —

You see, I’ve always been jealous, but I trained myself never to show it; — 你知道，我一直很嫉妒，但我培养自己永远不要表现出来； —

I was jealous of every man she knew; I was jealous of you. — 我对她认识的每一个男人都感到嫉妒；我也嫉妒你。 —

I knew she didn’t love me as I loved her. That was only natural, wasn’t it? — 我知道她不像我爱她那样爱我。那很自然，不是吗？ —

But she allowed me to love her, and that was enough to make me happy. — 但她允许我爱她，这足以让我感到幸福。 —

I forced myself to go out for hours together in order to leave them by themselves; — 我强迫自己出去几个小时，让他们独处； —

I wanted to punish myself for suspicions which were unworthy of me; — 我想惩罚自己对我不值得的猜疑； —

and when I came back I found they didn’t want me – not Strickland, he didn’t care if I was there or not, but Blanche. — 当我回来时，我发现他们不需要我 —— 不是 Strickland，他不在乎我在不在，而是 Blanche。 —

She shuddered when I went to kiss her. When at last I was certain I didn’t know what to do; — 当我试图亲吻她时，她打了一个寒颤。最终，我确定我不知道该怎么做； —

I knew they’d only laugh at me if I made a scene. — 我知道如果我大吵大闹，他们只会笑我； —

I thought if I held my tongue and pretended not to see, everything would come right. — 我想如果我忍着不说，假装没有看到，一切都会好起来； —

I made up my mind to get him away quietly, without quarrelling. — 我决定悄悄把他拉走，不吵不闹； —

Oh, if you only knew what I’ve suffered!” 噢，如果你知道我受了多少苦！”;

Then he told me again of his asking Strickland to go. — 然后他又告诉我，他请求史特里克兰去； —

He chose his moment carefully, and tried to make his request sound casual; — 他精心选择了时机，试图让他的请求听起来很随意； —

but he could not master the trembling of his voice; — 但他无法控制他颤抖的声音； —

and he felt himself that into words that he wished to seem jovial and friendly there crept the bitterness of his jealousy. — 他自己也感到，尽管他希望听起来轻松和友好，但他所说的话里夹杂着嫉妒的苦涩； —

He had not expected Strickland to take him up on the spot and make his preparations to go there and then; — 他没想到史特里克兰会当场答应，并立即准备动身去； —

above all, he had not expected his wife’s decision to go with him. — 最重要的是，他没想到他的妻子决定和他一起去； —

I saw that now he wished with all his heart that he had held his tongue. — 我看到现在他全心希望自己当初闭嘴就好了； —

He preferred the anguish of jealousy to the anguish of separation. 他宁愿忍受嫉妒的痛苦，也不愿承受分别的煎熬；

“I wanted to kill him, and I only made a fool of myself. “ “我想要杀了他，结果只是让自己变成了个傻瓜。”;

He was silent for a long time, and then he said what I knew was in his mind. 他沉默了很长一段时间，然后说出了他心中所想的。

“If I’d only waited, perhaps it would have gone all right. — “如果我只是等待了，也许一切会好起来。” —

I shouldn’t have been so impatient. Oh, poor child, what have I driven her to?” “我不应该那么心急。噢，可怜的孩子，我把她推向了何地？”

I shrugged my shoulders, but did not speak. — “我耸了耸肩，但没有说话。” —

I had no sympathy for Blanche Stroeve, but knew that it would only pain poor Dirk if I told him exactly what I thought of her. “我对布兰奇·斯特罗夫没有同情心，但我知道如果我告诉迪克我真正认为她，只会让可怜的迪克痛苦。”

He had reached that stage of exhaustion when he could not stop talking. — “他已经达到那种无法停止交谈的疲惫阶段。” —

He went over again every word of the scene. — “他再一次回想起那场景中的每一个词。” —

Now something occurred to him that he had not told me before; — “现在他想起了一些之前没有告诉我；” —

now he discussed what he ought to have said instead of what he did say; — “然后他讨论他应该说什么，而不是他说了什么；” —

then he lamented his blindness. He regretted that he had done this, and blamed himself that he had omitted the other. — “然后他悲叹自己的盲目。他后悔做了这个，责怪自己忽略了另一个。” —

It grew later and later, and at last I was as tired as he. “时间一分分过去，最后我和他一样累了。”

“What are you going to do now?” I said finally. “你现在打算做什么？”我最终说道。

“What can I do? I shall wait till she sends for me. “ “我能做什么？我会等到她派人叫我。”

“Why don’t you go away for a bit?” “为什么不离开一会儿？”

“No, no; I must be at hand when she wants me. “ “不，不；当她需要我的时候，我必须在身边。”

For the present he seemed quite lost. He had made no plans. — “目前他似乎很迷茫。他没有制定任何计划。” —

When I suggested that he should go to bed he said he could not sleep; — 当我建议他去睡觉时，他说他睡不着； —

he wanted to go out and walk about the streets till day. — 他想出去在街上走到天亮。 —

He was evidently in no state to be left alone. — 显然他不能一个人留下来。 —

I persuaded him to stay the night with me, and I put him into my own bed. — 我说服他在我这里过夜，把他放在我的床上。 —

I had a divan in my sitting-room, and could very well sleep on that. — 我客厅里有一张长沙发，我可以在上面睡。 —

He was by now so worn out that he could not resist my firmness. — 他现在已经精疲力竭，无法抵抗我的坚决。 —

I gave him a sufficient dose of veronal to insure his unconsciousness for several hours. — 我给他服了足够的维诺林，确保他会昏迷数小时。 —

I thought that was the best service I could render him. 我认为这是我能给他的最好的帮助。