After the dinner Juli was nice to me at school. Which I hated. Mad was better than nice.
晚餐后朱莉在学校里对我很友好。这让我讨厌。生气比友好要好。
Gaga was better than… nice. It was like I was a stranger to her, and man, it bugged me. Bugged me big-time.
狂热比友好要…好。这就像我对她是个陌生人，而天哪，这让我烦恼。常常让我烦恼。
The auction is this bogus way the Booster Club raises money for the school. They insist it’s an honor to be chosen, but bull-stinkin’-loney to that!
这个拍卖是援助社假冒的为学校捐钱方式。他们坚决宣称被选上是种光荣，但这也太讨厌了！
Then the auction happened, and I found myself with even bigger problems.
然后拍卖开始了，而我发现自己有了更大的麻烦。
Bottom line is, twenty guys get shanghaied. They have to come up with fancy picnic lunches and then be humiliated in front of the whole school while girls bid to have lunch with them.
底线是，二十个男生会被胁迫。他们必须带着花哨的郊游午餐并在全校面前丢脸，当女孩们出价和他们共进午餐。
Guess who made this year’s top twenty.
猜猜谁进入了今年的前二十。
You’d think mothers would say, Hey, there’s no way you’re going to auction my son off to the highest bidder, but no. Instead, they’re all flattered that their son’s been elected a basket boy.
你认为妈妈们会说，嗨，你绝不可能把我的儿子拍卖给最高的出价人，但没有。相反地，他们都为自己的儿子选举为篮子男孩感到愉快。
Yes, my friend, that’s what they call you. Over the P. A. you hear stuff like, “There will be an organizational meeting of the newly elected basket boys in the MPR at lunch today. All basket boys must attend.”
是的，我的朋友，他们就是这么叫你的。在家长日你会听到一些东西类似于，“新选举的篮子男孩们有一个组织集会在今天午餐时在多功能厅进行。所有的篮子男孩必须参加。”
And then Garrett bends my ear with the news that Shelly Stalls is breaking up with Mitch Michaelson, and that she, Miranda Humes, and Jenny Atkinson are starting some bidding war over me. “Dude!” he tells me. “The two hottest chicks on campus. And I swear to god, man, Shelly’s dumped Mitch because of you. I heard it direct from Shagreer, and dude, Shagreer the Ear knows all.” He throws me this nasty grin and says, “Me, I’m rooting for Jumbo Jenny. It would serve you right for being such a basket boy.”
然后加瑞特偷偷告诉我雪莉·斯塔尔斯和麦切·迈克尔森分手了，而她，米兰达·休姆斯，和詹妮·爱金逊正为我开始了出价战争。“老兄！”他告诉我，“学校里最辣的两个女孩。而我发誓，天哪，雪莉是因为你甩掉的麦切。我是直接从沙克尔那儿听来的，而沙克尔的耳朵知道一切。”他给了我那样令人厌恶的笑容说道：“我，我会缠住庞大的詹妮。这会很好地切断你成为那样的篮子男孩。”
My mom, of course, was into it, coming up with all sorts of stuff to put in my basket so I’d get the highest bid. I tried to explain that I didn’t want to be in Mayfield Junior High’s Basket Boy Hall of Fame, and that really, what was in the basket didn’t matter. It wasn’t like girls were bidding on the basket. When you got right down to it, this was a meat market.
我妈妈，当然，对此非常投入，把各种东西放进了篮子里让我能得到最高的竞价。我试图解释我并不想进入五月镇中学篮子男孩名人堂，而真的，篮子里有什么并不重要。女孩们并不在为篮子出价。当你被牵扯进去时，这就是个肉市场。
Pretty soon you’ve completely lost your name. You and nineteen other saps are known simply as Basket Boy.
没多久你就会完全地丧失你的名字。你和其他的十九个傻瓜就简单地被成为篮子男孩。
“You eat lunch on campus and that’s the end of it. It is hardly a meat market, Bryce. It’s an honor! Besides, maybe someone really nice will bid on you and you’ll make a new friend!” Mothers can be in such denial.
“你只是在学校里吃顿午餐就结束了。这不太可能是肉市场，布莱斯。只是荣耀！再说了，也许会有很好的人买到你，这样你就能认识个新朋友！”妈妈居然能如此拒绝相信。
Her parents give her anything she wants, too. Rumor has it they converted their garage into a full-on basketball court just for her.
她的父母也给她任何她想要的。传闻说他们把他们家的地下室改成了全面篮球场就是为了她。
Which meant that in the game of the basket boys, I was as good as slam-dunked.
这就意味着在这场篮子男孩的比赛里，我就像是扣篮一样。
I told him to shut up, but he was right. With the way my luck was running, I’d probably get stuck with Jumbo Jenny. I could just see it — six feet of beefy babe downing both halves of my lunch and then coming after me. Jenny’s the only girl or guy on campus who can dunk a basketball. The whole gym shakes when she lands. And since she’s got no, you know… female parabolas, the girl could shave her head and make it in the NBA. Seriously. No one would ever suspect.
我告诉他闭嘴，但他说对了。照我现在的运气，我很有可能被庞大的詹妮缠住。我能够想象——六英尺的结实家伙扫荡完一半我的午餐然后跟着我。詹妮是学校里唯一一个能扣篮的人。当她到达的时候整个体育馆都在震动。而她既然没有，你知道，女性曲线，她可以剃掉头发进入NBA。震动。没有人会怀疑。
Unless, unless Shelly or Miranda was high bidder. But how could I make sure that happened? My brain went into overdrive, constructing a plan, and in the end I decided that there was only one sensible course of action.
除非，除非雪莉或米兰达是更高的竞价者。但是我怎么确定那会发生？我的脑子开始超速运转，组成一个计划，而到最后我断定这个行动只有一个理智的过程。
Halfway through my first day of doing this, I felt like a skunk. Not that I was being gross about it or anything. I was just, you know, friendly. And even though Shelly and Miranda didn’t seem to smell a thing, Garrett did.
而第一天的进行了一半是，我感觉很卑鄙。我并不是为此感到很恶劣。而虽然雪莉和米兰达没有半点察觉，但加瑞特知道了。
Kiss up to both of them.
同时讨好她们两个。
He shrugs. “Haven’t heard. But we’ll find out tomorrow, won’t we, dude?”
他耸肩，“没听说。不过我们明天就会知道了，是吗，老兄？”
“What are you talking about?”
“你在说什么呢？”
“Dude!” he says to me on Thursday. “I can see your game, man.”
“老兄！”他在星期四对我说，“我能看到你的游戏，兄弟。”
“Don’t deny it, dude. You’re working them both.” He comes up and whispers in my ear, “Basket boy or not, I’m in awe.”
“别否认，老兄。你在同时玩儿她们俩。”他走过来在我耳边低语：“不管是不是篮子男孩，我警觉了。”
“Shut up, man.”
“闭嘴，兄弟。”
“Seriously! The Ear says they were, like, clawing each other in P. E. today.”
“真的！沙克尔说她们，好像，今天在体育乱抓对方。”
Kids whistled and shouted, “Oooh, baby!” as I headed up the walkway, and then Jumbo Jenny passed me, taking the front steps three at a time. “Wow, Bryce,” she said over her shoulder. “You look… delicious.”
同学们在我进入走廊时吹着口哨喊道：“哦，天哪！”，然后巨型詹妮经过了我身边，一步走三个台阶：“哇，布莱斯，”她回过头说道：“你看起来很…美味。”
I had to know. “What about… Jumbo Jenny?”
我必须要知道。“那庞大詹妮呢？”
My mother dropped me off at school on Friday with my stupid oversized picnic basket, and since all basket boys have to dress up, I was choking in a tie and feeling completely dweeblike in slacks and dress shoes.
我妈妈在星期五那天把我和愚蠢的特大号篮子一起放在了学校，而因为篮子男孩需要穿正装，我正被一条领带卡住，在便裤和皮鞋里感觉是个十足的傻子。
Oh, man! I practically ran to the classroom where all the basket boys were supposed to meet, and the minute I walked in, I felt better. I was surrounded by other dweebs, who seemed genuinely happy to see me. “Hey, Loski”; “Yo, dude”; “Doesn’t this suck eggs?”; “Why didn’t you take the bus, man?”
哦，天哪！我直接跑到了篮子男孩应该会面的教室，而当我走进去的那一秒，我感觉好多了。我正被其他傻子围绕着，他们看见我真心地开心：“嗨，洛世奇”；“哦，老兄”；“这不是很讨厌吗？”；“你为什么没乘车来，兄弟？”
Not one word about our baskets. Not one little sneak peek inside. No, for all she cared, those puppies were empty.
没有一个字关于我们的篮子。没有偷偷地瞄着里面。没有，她在乎的只是，这些年轻人是否都到齐。
Then Mrs. McClure, the president of the Boosters, the lady who lassoed us all, hoofs it through the door. “Oh, my!” she says. “You all look so handsome!”
然后麦克卢尔太太，援助会会长，管理我们的女士，踏进了门。“哦，天哪！”她说，“你们看起来都很英俊！”
You better believe it!
你最好相信！
“Okay, gentlemen,” she says.”Leave your baskets where they are and go to… where are we now? Still in second?” She looks at the clock. “Right. Second.”
“好了，绅士们，”她说，“把你们的篮子放在这儿然后去…现在是什么时候？还在第二节课？”她看了看钟，“没错，第二节课。”
Meat market?
肉市场？
Misery loves company.
痛苦又有爱的陪伴。
“Don’t be so nervous, boys,” Mrs. McClure was saying. “You’re going to have a wonderful day!” She pulls out a list of names and starts ordering us into line. We get numbers; our baskets get numbers; we fill out three-by-five cards to her insane specifications; and by the time she’s got us all organized and is sure we know what to do and what not to do, we’ve missed all of first and most of second period.
“别太紧张了，男孩们，”麦克卢尔太太说，“你们会有非常美好的一天！”她拿出一张名单并开始命令我们排成一列。我们得到号码；我们的篮子得到号码；我们为她错乱的说明填完了一张三乘五寸的卡片；而当她把我们都组织好并确定我们知道该做什么，不该做什么时，我们已经错过了整个第一节和大部分的第二节课。
“What about passes?” some sensible basket boy asked.
“通行证怎么办？”一个理智的篮子男孩问道。
“Your teachers have a list. But if they say anything, tell them I say your neckties are your passes. I’ll meet you back here when everyone’s dismissed for the auction. Got it? Don’t dawdle!”
“你们的老师有个名单。但如果他们说什么的话，告诉他们我说你们的领带就是通行证。当所有人解散去拍卖的时候我在这儿等你们。知道吗？别浪费时间！”
Some of the moms showed up and stood off to the side with their camcorders and zoom lenses, fidgeting and waving and basically acting as dweeby as their sons looked. I should know. My mom took an hour off work to be one of them.
一部分的妈妈们出现了，并拿着摄像机和可变焦距镜头站在侧面，焦虑不安着，挥着手并基本上表现得和她们的儿子看起来一样傻。我应该知道。我妈妈请了一个小时的假成为她们中的一员。
Whoever started this stupid tradition ought to be crammed into a basket and tossed downstream without a serving spoon.
启动了这个愚蠢传统的人最好被塞进一个篮子，然后在没有大匙的情况下被投进顺流的溪水中。
Yes, my friend, the possibilities for mortification were infinite.
是的，我的朋友，被屈辱的可能性是无限大的。
We grumbled, Yeah, yeah, and headed to class. And I can tell you this, not one of the twenty of us listened to a word any of our teachers said that morning. How can you listen with a noose around your neck, pinched toes, and a room full of idiots thinking it’s open season on basket boys?
我们嘟囔着，好吧，好吧，然后去上课。而我可以告诉你，我们二十人中的任何一人那天上午都没有听进去老师说的任何一个字。你怎么能在一个套索套在你脖子上，夹痛着脚趾，还有一个房间满是白痴认为这是个篮子男孩开放季时听进去？
Tim Pello was basket boy number five, and his mom actually bid on him. No kidding. She jumped up and down, yelling, “Twenty! I’ll give you twenty!” Man, that’ll brand you for life. Lucky for Tim, Kelly Trott came up with twenty-two fifty and saved his sorry self from everlasting torture as a mama’s boy — one of the few fates worse than basket boy.
提姆·佩罗是篮子男孩五号，而她妈妈投标了他。没开玩笑。她跳上跳下，喊道：“二十！我给你二十！”天哪，那会使你的一生都带上污名。幸运地是，凯莉·特罗特出了二十二块五毛钱，把他从成为妈妈的男孩的持久折磨中拯救了出来——其中一个比篮子男孩更要糟糕的命运。
I was basket boy number nine. Which meant I had to stand there on the stage in the gym while nearly half the guys got auctioned off. Minimum bid, ten bucks. And if nobody bid, the secret was a teacher was assigned to bid on you.
我是篮子男孩九号。这意味着我必须站在体育馆的台子上当近一半的男生们被拍卖掉。最低价是，十美元。而如果没有人出价，秘密就是老师会分配出价人。
Caleb Hughes was up next, and he fetched the Boosters all of eleven fifty. Then came Chad Ormonde, who I swear was ready to pee his pants when Mrs. McClure made him step forward. She read his card, pinched his cheeks, and raked in fifteen even.
凯勒·休斯是下一个，而他以十一块五毛售出。然后是查德·奥蒙德，我发誓他在麦克卢尔太太叫他上前时准备要尿裤子。她读了他的卡片，捏了他的脸，然后以十五块整售出。
Mrs. McClure calls into the microphone, “Do I hear ten?” and it took me a minute to tune in to the fact that no one said “Ten!” No one said anything. “Come on, out there! The lunch is delicious. Strawberry tarts, um…” And Mrs. McClure goes back to reading off the three-by-five about Jon Trulock’s lunch.
麦克卢尔太太对着麦克风喊道：“我听见十了吗？”而这让我用了一分钟面对事实是没人说了“十！”没有人说任何话。“来啊，大家！午餐很美味。草莓蛋糕，嗯…”然后麦克卢尔太太继续读完了乔恩午餐的三乘五寸卡。
Talk about embarrassing! This was worse than being a mama’s boy. Worse than lunch with Jumbo Jenny! How’d he get voted basket boy if nobody wanted to have lunch with him?
说到尴尬！这比成为妈妈的男孩更糟糕！比和巨型詹妮吃午餐更糟糕！如果没有人想要和他吃午餐，他又怎么被票选为篮子男孩的？
At this point what stood between me and the auction block was Jon Trulock. And I wasn’t exactly interested in what he had in his basket or what his hobbies and favorite sports were. I was too busy scanning the crowd for Jumbo Jenny, sweating my pits off.
在这个点子上在我和拍卖之间的是乔恩·特鲁洛克。而我并没有确切地对他的篮子里有什么或是他的爱好或最喜欢的运动感兴趣。我正忙着审视着观众寻找巨型詹妮，为交易而担心。
Then off to the right of the crowd I hear, “Ten!”
然后在人群的右边我听见：“十！”
“Sixteen!” came the other voice.
“十六！”另一个声音。
The first voice came back with “Fifteen!” and all of a sudden I recognized whose voice it was.
“十二！”一个不同的声音，但是从同一个区域传来的。第一个声音喊道“十五！”而突然间我听出了那是谁的声音。
I searched through the crowd and found her, hand waving in the air, that look all over her face.
我寻找着人群并找到了她，手在空中挥舞的，脸上尽是那样的神情。
Juli Baker’s.
朱莉·贝克的。
“Eighteen!” cries Mrs. McClure, who looks like she’s about to collapse from relief. She pauses, then says, “Eighteen going once… Eighteen going twice… Sold! for eighteen dollars.”
“十八！”麦克卢尔太太喊道，她看起来就要因为宽慰而精神崩溃。她停顿了一下，然后说：“十八一次…十八两次…成交！十八美元。”
“Ten? Did I hear ten?” Mrs. McClure says with a fluttery smile. “Twelve!” came a different voice from the same area.
“十？我听见十了吗？”麦克卢尔太太带着焦虑不安的微笑说道。
There was a pause, but then Juli shoots back with “Eighteen!”
那有一个停顿，但之后朱莉抛回一个“十八！”
To Juli? She was the last person I expected to bid on a lunch. Anybody’s lunch.
给朱莉？她是我预料到的最后一个投标午餐的人。任何人的午餐。
Jon staggered back into line. And I knew I was supposed to step forward, but I couldn’t budge. I felt like I’d been slugged in the stomach. Did Juli like Jon? Is that why she’d been so… so… nice lately? Because she didn’t care about me anymore? All my life she’d been there, waiting to be avoided, and now it was like I didn’t even exist. “Step up, Bryce. Come on, don’t be shy!”
乔恩蹒跚着回到队伍。我知道我应该向前跨一步，但我无法移动。朱莉喜欢乔恩吗？难道这是为什么她最近很…恨…友好？因为她不再在乎我了？我的一生里她都在那儿，等待着被避开，而现在就像我从来没有存在过。“向前一步，布莱斯。来啊，别害羞！”
“Forty!”
“四十！”
“What’s that?” says Mrs. McClure.
“那是什么？”麦克卢尔太太说。
Then I spot her. She’s about twenty feet behind Miranda, cleaning her fingernails with her teeth.
然后我认出了她。她大概在米兰达身后二十英尺，用牙齿清洁着她的手指甲。
“Twenty!” calls Miranda Humes from dead center.
“二十！”米兰达·休姆斯站在绝对的中心喊道
“Fifty-two.”
“五十二。”
“Thirty-five!”
“三十五！”
“Fifty!”
“五十！”
“Oh,” she laughs as she puts down her notes. “Well, I guess I hear ten!”
“哦，”她一边放下笔记一边笑了，“嗯，我猜我听见十了！”
Miranda scrambles around trying to beg money off her friends as Mrs. McClure calls, “Going once!” But then Jenny stands up and bellows, “A hundred!”
米兰达快速地转身试图在她朋友那儿借些钱来，当麦克卢尔太太喊道：“一次！”但然后詹妮站起来吼叫道：“一百！”
I’m looking around for Jumbo Jenny, praying she’s gone home sick or something, while Shelly and Miranda go up by fives. “Thirty!”
我寻找着巨型詹妮，祈祷着她因生病或什么原因回家了，而雪莉和米兰达一次加五。“三十！”
“Forty-five!”
“四十五！”
It felt like walking the plank. I just stood up front sweating bullets while the Booster queen dissected my lunch and started running through my list of favorites. Before she’s even finished, though, Shelly Stalls calls out, “Ten!”
我感觉像走在原木板上。当援助女王详细评论着我的午餐并跳读着我的爱好时，我就站在那儿汗如雨下。但在她读完之前，雪莉喊出来：“十！”
“Twenty-five!” It’s Shelly again.
“二十五！”又是雪莉。
“Fifty-two?” interrupts the Booster queen. “Well, this has been lively! And from the looks of this basket, well worth the –“
“五十二？”援助女王打断到，“嗯，这太激烈了！而从篮子的东西来看，这很值得——”
“Sixty!”
“六十！”
“I’ll give you ten!”
“我给你十元！”
“Sixty-two!” calls Shelly.
“六十二！”雪莉喊道。
Mike Abenido shoved me a little and said, “Your turn for torture. Get up there!”
迈克·阿班尼多轻推了我一下说道：“你被折磨的时候到了。上去吧！”
I wanted to boost her, right off the stage. I was doomed. This was something I would never live down.
我想要推她，就在台上。我要毁灭了。这永远不会被人遗忘了。
Jenny just shrugs and goes back to cleaning a nail.
詹妮只是耸着肩继续清洁指甲。
A hundred. There’s a collective gasp, and then the entire student body turns and stares at Jenny.
一百。那儿有一阵集体的喘息，之后全部的学生转过身并瞪着詹妮。
“Well!” laughs Mrs. McClure. “We have a hundred! That is certainly an all-time record. And such a generous donation to the Boosters!”
“嗯！”麦克卢尔太太笑道，“我们有一百了！这绝对是前所未有的记录。对援助会是很慷慨的捐助！”
Then there’s this big commotion, and all of a sudden Shelly and Miranda are standing right next to each other calling, “One-twenty-two… fifty! We’ll give you one-twenty-two fifty!”
然后有一阵大骚动，突然间雪莉和米兰达站在一起喊道：“一百二十二块五！我们给你一百二十二块五！”
“One hundred twenty-two dollars and fifty cents?” I thought the Booster queen was gonna polka. “You’re pooling your resources to have lunch with this fine young man?”
“一百二十二美元再加五十美分？”我以为援助女王要开始跳波尔卡舞。“你们要集中资源和这个很好的男孩共进午餐？”
“Yeah!” they call, then look over Jenny’s way. Everybody looks over Jenny’s way.
“是！”她们喊道，看着詹妮的方向。所有人看着詹妮的方向。
“Well, then! One hundred twenty-two dollars and fifty cents going once… One hundred twenty-two dollars and fifty cents going twice… Sold to those two beautiful young ladies for an all-time record of one hundred twenty-two dollars and fifty cents!”
“好吧，那么！一百二十二块五一次…一百二十二块五两次…成交给这两位美丽的小姐，以创纪录的价格一百二十二美元五美分！”
He didn’t even come close. He got Terry Norris for sixteen bucks, and the most anyone else got was forty. And when it was over, all the guys told me, “Dude! You are, like, the man… Score!” but I didn’t feel like the man. I felt wiped out.
他甚至没有一点接近。他以十六美元得到了特丽·诺里斯，而比其他人得到最高的是四十。当这些结束时，所有的男生告诉我，“老兄！你是，就像，男人的…成功！”但我感觉并不像个男人。我感觉很丢脸。
The Boosters had outfitted the MPR with little tables for two, all decorated in shades of pink and blue and yellow, with balloons and streamers everywhere. I felt like the Easter bunny with my stupid basket boy lunch clutched in both hands while Miranda held on to one arm and Shelly latched on to the other.
援助会已经在多功能厅摆设好了两人桌，都用粉、蓝、黄色装饰着，气球和彩带到处都是。我感觉像是复活节兔子，带着我愚蠢的篮子男孩午餐，我的手被紧紧抓住，米兰达拉着一只手，而雪莉缠着另一只。
They gave us the biggest table and whisked in an extra chair, and when everyone was seated, Mrs. McClure said, “Boys and girls? I don’t think I need to remind you that you are excused from class for the rest of the day. Enjoy your lunches, enjoy your friendships… Take your time, relax, and thanks again for supporting your Boosters. We wouldn’t be us without you!”
他们给了我最大的桌子并加进一把椅子，而当所有人都就坐时，麦克卢尔太太说：“男生女生们？我不认为我需要提醒你们，你们剩下的一天都可以免除上课。享受你们的午餐，享受你们的友谊…慢慢来，放松，并再次感谢支持援助会。我们没了你们就不是我们了！”
“Dude!” Mike whispered when I got back in line. “Shelly and Miranda? How am I supposed to follow that?”
“老兄！”迈克在我回到队伍时低语道：“雪莉和米兰达？我该怎么接下去？”
My mom came up and gave me a hug and a kiss like I’d won a gold medal or something, then whispered, “My little baby,” and clickity-clicked off in her high heels, back to work.
我妈妈上前来给了我一个拥抱并吻了我，像是我赢得了金牌似的，然后低语道：“我的小男孩，”然后踢踏着她的高跟鞋，回去工作。
So I was wiped out, embarrassed, and then practically dragged to the multi-purpose room by Shelly and Miranda.
所以我既丢脸，又尴尬，然后几乎被雪莉和米兰达拖进了多功能厅。
I mean, these two girls may be gorgeous, but what was coming out of their mouths about Jumbo Jenny was embarrassingly ugly. Miranda works herself up to, “What was she thinking? Like you would ever want to go out with her, right, Bryce?”
我的意思是，这两个女孩也许很美丽，但是从她们嘴里说出的巨型詹妮真是令人难堪的丑陋。米兰达提到：“她在想什么？好像你会想要和她约会似的，对吗，布莱斯？”
Buddy, I was miserable.
老兄，我绝望了。
So there I was, with the two hottest girls on campus, having lunch. I was “the man,” the envy of every other guy in school.
这就是了，和学校里最性感的两个女孩，共进午餐。我是“男人”，学校里所有男孩嫉妒的对象。
Well, yeah. That was right. But it seemed really wrong to say so. “Look, can we talk about something else?”
嗯，是的。那没错。但说这些似乎是错误的。“看，我们能谈点别的吗？”
“Sure. Like what?”
“当然。比如呢？”
Miranda shoots off first. “We’re taking a cruise to the Mexican Riviera. We’re supposed to stop in all these cool ports and shop and stuff.” She flutters her eyelids at me and says, “I could bring you something back…”
米兰达先信口开河：“我们要到墨西哥的蔚蓝海岸乘船巡游。我们会在那些最酷的港口和商店停下来。”她的视线飘到我身上，说道：“我可以给你带些东西回来…”
Shelly scoots her chair in a little and says, “We’re going up to the lake. My dad has a cabin there, and you can get the most outrageous tan. Do you remember what I looked like at the beginning of this year? I was, like, black. I’m going to do that again, only this time I’ve got a schedule all worked out so that it’s even every where.” She giggles and says, “Don’t tell my mom, okay? She would have a ka-nip!”
雪莉把她的椅子拉进一点说道：“我们要去湖边。我爸爸在那儿有一所小木屋，你能在那儿晒出最不得了的棕褐色皮肤。你记得今年年初我的样子吗？我就想个黑人。我还要再做一次，不过这一次我有一个运动的时间表，这样能晒得非常均匀。”她咯咯笑着说道：“别告诉我妈妈，好吗？这样她就会被吓到。”
“I don’t care. Anything else. You guys going anywhere this summer?”
“我不在乎。随便什么。你们夏天要到哪儿去？”
I felt myself spinning out of control. It was weird. Like I couldn’t even steer my own body. I’d always thought Jon was pretty cool, but right then I wanted to go over and throw him across the room.
我感到自己旋转着不受控制。这很奇怪。就像我甚至不能掌握自己的身体。我一直都认为乔恩挺酷的，但现在我想要走过去并把他扔向房间对面。
And this, my friend, is how the Tan Wars began. Miranda told Shelly that she didn’t even notice her tan at the beginning of the year and that the place to really roast is on a cruise ship. Shelly told Miranda that anyone with freckles can’t really get tan and since Miranda had freckles everywhere, the cruise was a guaranteed waste of money. I choked down my third of the lunch and looked around the room, trying to let it all flow past me.
而这就是，我的朋友，棕褐色怎样战争开始的。米兰达告诉雪莉她根本没注意到年初时她的肤色，而真正可以晒太阳的地方是旅游船上。雪莉告诉米兰达任何长雀斑的人是不能被晒黑的，而既然米兰达到处都是雀斑，而乘船巡游保证是浪费钱。我硬咽下我三分之一的午餐，试图让那些争吵不影响我。
Then I saw Juli. She was two tables away from me, facing my direction. Only she wasn’t looking at me. She was looking at Jon, her eyes all sparkly and laughing.
然后我看见了朱莉。她和我隔了两个桌子，面朝我的方向。只是她没有在看我。她在看着乔恩，她的眼睛闪耀着笑意。
My heart lurched. What was she laughing about? What were they talking about? How could she sit there and look so… beautiful?
我的心颤抖了。她在笑什么呢？他们在谈论什么？她怎么能坐在那儿看起来这么…美丽？
Shelly grabbed my arm and said, “Bryce, are you all right? You look… I don’t know… possessed or something.”
雪莉拉住了我的手说道：“布莱斯，你还好吗？你看起来…我不知道…被什么占据了。”
Do the right thing…
做正确的事…
But I couldn’t stop myself from looking again. And in the back of my mind, I could hear my grandfather’s voice saying, “The choices you make now will affect you for the rest of your life. Do the right thing…”.
但是我无法停止自己不去看。而在我的脑海深处，我能听见我外公的声音说：“你现在的选择会影响你的一生。做正确的事…”
“What are you staring at?” Miranda asked. They both looked over their shoulders, then shrugged and went back to picking at their food.
“你在看什么呢？”米兰达问道。她们都回过头，然后耸着肩继续挑着她们的食物。
Miranda shook me out of it, asking, “Bryce? Are you in there? I asked, what are you going to do this summer?”
米兰达把我拉了回来，问道：“布莱斯，你听见了吗？我问，今年夏天你要去干什么？”
Do the right thing…
做正确的事…
It was torture. I wanted to scream, Shut up! Leave me alone! I wanted to run out of the building and keep on running until I didn’t feel like this anymore.
这真是折磨。我想要尖叫，闭嘴！离我远点儿！我想要跑出楼房然后继续跑直到我不再有这样的感觉。
“Lunch is really delicious, Bryce.” Miranda’s voice was floating around. “Bryce? Did you hear me? This is really a spectacular lunch.”
“午餐很美味，布莱斯。”米兰达的声音在飘。“布莱斯？你听见我了吗？这真的是极其棒的午餐。”
“I don’t know,” I snapped.
“我不知道。”我不耐烦地说。
“What? Oh.” I tried taking a deep breath.
“什么？哦。”我试图做个深呼吸。
“Hey, maybe you can spend some time up at the lake with us!” Shelly said.
“嗨，也许你可以和我们一起去湖边！”雪莉说。
A simple little thank you would’ve sufficed. But could I come up with a simple little thank you?
一个简单的谢谢就足够了。但我能说出简单的谢谢吗？
“Perpetual what?”
“永动什么？”
I blinked at her, then at Shelly. “How about perpetual motion? Know anything about that?”
我对她眨眼睛，然后是雪莉：“永动机怎么样？知道吗？”
“Hey… I’m plenty smart!”
“嗨…我非常聪明！”
“He is too smart, Miranda.”
“他太聪明了，米兰达。”
No. I turned on her and said, “Can we not talk about food or tans or hair?”
不。我转向她说道：“我们能不讨论事物或肤色或头发吗？”
She gave me an uppity little smile. “Well, what do you want to talk about, then?”
她给了我一个傲慢的微笑。“嗯，那你想要谈什么？”
She looks at me a minute, then snickers. “I didn’t realize I’d bid on an intellectual.”
她看了我一会儿，然后窃笑着说：“我没注意到我投标到了一个知识分子。”
“What?” I ask her. “What’s so funny?”
“怎么了？”我问她，“有什么好笑的？”
Miranda starts laughing.
米兰达开始笑。
“You heard me. He’s not going to take you to the grad dance anyway, so just give it up, why don’t you?”
“你听见我了。他无论如何都不会带你去毕业舞会，所以放弃吧，为什么不呢？”
“Oh, stop kissing up, Shelly. You’re trying to tell me you’re after his brain? God, it’s making me sick to watch you grovel.”
“哦，别讨好了，雪莉。你想告诉我你的脑子不如他吗？天哪，看到你卑躬屈膝真让我感到恶心。”
And with that, it was all over. One of my mom’s flaky apple tarts got ground into Miranda’s hair; the extra ranch dressing got smeared into Shelly’s. And before Mrs. McClure could say, In the name of Boosters! What are you doing? they were rolling on the floor, scratching each other’s makeup off.
这之后，一切都结束了。我妈妈的其中一块苹果酥饼落在了米兰达头发上；而剩下的牧场调料都抹在了雪莉头上。在麦克卢尔太太说，看在援助会的份上！你们在干什么呢？她们已经滚在了地板上，把对方的化妆品抓下来。
“Grovel? Excuse me?”
“卑躬屈膝？你在说一遍？”
“Yeah?” Miranda giggles. “Can you spell intellectual?”
“是吗？”米兰达咯咯笑到，“你能拼写知识分子吗？”
“Yes!”
“是的！”
“Bryce,” she whispers. “What’s wrong?”
“布莱斯，”她低语道，“怎么了？”
No! She said no! I didn’t care where I was, I didn’t care who saw. I wanted, just had to kiss her. I leaned in, closed my eyes, and then…
不！她说了不！我不在乎我在那儿，我不在乎谁看见了。我想要，必须吻她。我凑过去，闭上眼睛，然后…
She sort of half-stands and says, “What? What’s going on, Bryce? Why are they fighting?”
她半站着说道：“什么？怎么了，布莱斯？她们为什么打架？”
I took this opportunity to leave my table and head for Juli’s. I grabbed her by the hand and said, “I’ve got to talk to you.”
我趁着这个机会离开了我的桌子走向了朱莉的。我抓住了她的手说道：“我有话对你说。”
I can barely breathe as I ask her, “Do you like him?”
在我问她的时候几乎无法呼吸：“你喜欢他吗？”
“No, do you like him?” My heart was pounding through my chest as I took her other hand and waited.
“不，你喜欢他吗？”当我拉着她另一只手等待时，我的心在胸膛里猛烈地跳动着。
“Do I… you mean Jon?”
“我喜欢…你指的是乔恩？”
“Well, no. I mean, not like that…”
“嗯，不。我的意思是，不是那种…”
She broke away from me.
她突然挣脱了我。
“Excuse us a minute, would you, Jon?” I pull her away from the table, but there’s no place to go. And I’ve got her hand in mine, and I just can’t think. So I stop right there in the middle of the room and look at her. At that face. I want to touch her cheek and see what it feels like. I want to touch her hair, it looks so incredibly soft.
“我们离开一会儿，可以吗，乔恩？”我把她从桌边拉开，但是无处可去。而我正牵着她的手，我只是无法思考。所以我就停在了房间中间并望着她。对着那张脸。我想要触碰她的面颊，看看那是怎样的感觉。我想抚摸她的头发，它们看起来无比柔软。
“Well, sure. He’s nice and –“
“嗯，当然。他很友好而且——”
Suddenly, the room was dead quiet. Miranda and Shelly stared at me through their slimy hair, everyone was looking at me like I’d blown my entire circuit board, and I just stood there, trying to reel in my lips and pull myself back together.
突然间，房间里一片死寂。米兰达和雪莉透过黏滑的头发等着我，所有人都看着我，就像我掀翻了整个电路板，而我只是站在那儿，试图卷起我的嘴唇，把我自己重组回去。
To kiss her.
去吻她。
I didn’t say a word. I just headed for the bike racks, still hoping to find Juli.
我没有说一个字。我朝自行车架行进，仍旧希望能找到朱莉。
“You don’t understand.”
“你不明白。”
“You get hooked up with the two finest chicks on campus, then bail on them for Juli?”
“你勾搭上了学校里最好的两个女生，却因为朱莉甩了她们？”
Mrs. McClure took me by the shoulders, guided me to my chair, and told me, “You sit here, and you stay here!” Then she hauled Miranda and Shelly outside, scolding them and telling them to find separate bathrooms and clean up while she ran down the janitor to mop up their mess.
麦克卢尔太太揽住了我的肩，把我领到我的椅子那儿，然后告诉我，“你就坐在这儿，别动！”然后把米兰达和雪莉拖到外面，斥责她们并告诉她们找到分开的洗手间清理干净，而她要跑去看门人那里找拖把清理那些脏东西。
Garrett, however, wasn’t. He tracked me down and said, “Dude! Tell me it isn’t true!”
然而，加瑞特没有。他追上我说道：“老兄！告诉我这不是真的！”
“Oh, man… it is true!”
“哦，天哪…是真的！”
“Leave me alone, Garrett.”
“离我远点，加瑞特。”
I sat there by myself and didn’t even care about covering up. I just wanted to be with her. To talk to her. To hold her hand again.
我就单独坐在那儿，根本不在乎要掩盖错误。我只想和她在一起。和她聊天。再拉住她的手。
I looked everywhere for her, but she was just gone.
我走遍了各个角落寻找她，但她就是不见了。
“You’re right, dude. I completely don’t understand. Did you seriously try to kiss her? I couldn’t believe that part. We’re talking Julianna Baker? Your nightmare neighbor? The know-it-all nuisance? The coop poop babe?”
“你说对了，老兄。我完全不明白。你真的试图吻她吗？我不相信那个部分。我们说的是朱莉安娜·贝克？你噩梦般的邻居？无所不知的自大狂？每天混鸡棚的鸡屎妹？”
Before school was out, I tried to talk to her again, but every time I got close, she’d dodge me. And then when the final bell rang, she disappeared.
在放学之前，我试着再次和她谈话，但每一次我靠近，她都躲开了。而当最后的铃声响起时，她消失了。
“Just back off, would you?”
“一边去，行吗？”
I stopped cold and shoved him. Just laid into him with both hands and shoved. “That was a long time ago, man. Knock it off!”
我冷冷地停下猛推了他。用双手狠狠地推他。“那是很久之前了。住口！”
He blocked my path. “I can’t believe this! Two hours ago you were the man. The man! The whole school was on their knees before you! Now look at you. You’re, like, a social hazard.” He snorted and said, “And, dude, the truth is, if you’re gonna be like this, I don’t need the association.”
他堵住我的路：“我不敢相信！两个小时前你是个男人。男人！整个学校都膜拜你！再看看现在的你。你就像，社交危害。”他轻蔑地说，“老兄，真相是，如果你要这样，我们就绝交。”
Garrett put both hands up, but moved in at me. “Dude, you have flipped, you know that?”
加瑞特伸出双手走向我。“老兄，你心动了，你知道吗？”
I wound up walking home. In my pinchy shoes, with dirty dishes clanking inside my sticky picnic hamper, this basket boy hiked all the way home.
我只有走回家。穿着我夹脚的鞋子，还有脏盘子在潮湿的野餐篮里叮当响，这个篮子男孩就这样走回了家。
I got right in his face and said, “Good! ‘Cause you know what? Neither do I!” I shoved him aside and ran.
我面对着他说道：“很好。知道吗？绝交就绝交！”我把他推开就跑走了。
And there was a battle raging inside me. The old Bryce wanted to go back in time, wanted to hang with Garrett and shoot the breeze, wanted to hate Juli Baker again. Wanted to be the man.
而在我的内心有一场猛烈的战争。旧的布莱斯想要回到过去，想要和加瑞特一起玩儿和闲聊，想要再次讨厌朱莉·贝克。想要成为男人。
But in my heart I knew the old Bryce was toast. There was no going back. Not to Garrett or Shelly or Miranda or any of the other people who wouldn’t understand. Juli was different, but after all these years that didn’t bother me anymore.
但是在我的心里我知道旧的布莱斯不在了。再也回不到从前。加瑞特或雪莉或米兰达或其他人都不会懂。朱莉是不同的，但是这么多年以后这不再烦恼我。
I trucked down our street and spotted her bike lying on its side on the driveway. She was home!
我停在我们街上并发现了他的自行车正躺在车道上。她在家！
No answer.
没有回答。
I liked her.
我喜欢朱莉。
No answer.
没有回答。
I liked it.
我喜欢这样。
I rang the bell until I thought it would break.
我摁着铃直到我认为它会毁坏。
I’d never felt like this before. Ever. And just admitting it to myself instead of hiding from it made me feel strong. Happy. I took off my shoes and socks and stuffed them in the basket. My tie whipped over my shoulder as I ran home barefoot, and I realized that Garrett was right about one thing — I had flipped. Completely.
我以前从没有过这种感觉。从来没有。承认这些而不是避开这些让我感觉强壮。快乐。我脱下鞋和袜把它们塞进了篮子。我赤着脚跑回家时领带抽在肩膀上，而我意识到加瑞特总算说对了一件事——我心动了。彻底的。
Maybe it came from whacking at two-by-fours and dreaming about perpetual motion. I don’t know. All I know is that compared to her, Shelly and Miranda seemed so… ordinary.
也许源于和院子抗争还有做着关于永动机的梦。我不知道。我知道的是和她相比，雪莉和米兰达似乎太…平庸。
And every time I saw her, she seemed more beautiful. She just seemed to glow. I’m not talking like a hundred-watt bulb; she just had this warmth to her. Maybe it came from climbing that tree. Maybe it came from singing to chickens.
而每一次我看见她，她看起来更加美丽。她看起来在成长。我在讲的并不是一百瓦的灯泡；她身上就是有这种热情。也许是源于爬那棵树。也许源于对着小鸡唱歌。
I pounded on her door.
我重击着她的门。
I went home and called on the phone, and finally, finally her mother answers. “Bryce? No, I’m sorry. She doesn’t want to talk.” Then she whispers, “Give her a little time, won’t you?”
我回到家打了电话，终于，终于她妈妈接了。“布莱斯？不，我很抱歉。她不想说话。”然后她低语道：“给她一点时间，好吗？”
Tomorrow? I couldn’t wait until tomorrow! So I went around the side of their house, climbed the fence, and knocked on her window. “Juli! Juli, please. I’ve got to see you.”
明天？我等不到明天了！我绕到他们房子侧面，爬过栅栏，然后敲了她的窗户：“朱莉！朱莉，求你了。我要见你。”
“Juli!”
“朱莉！”
“Well, what happened?”
“嗯，发生什么了？”
“Does she have reason to be mad at you?”
“她有生你气的理由吗？”
He hesitated. “Is she… mad at you?”
他犹豫了。“她…生你的气了吗？”
He led me into the front room, saying, “Who won’t talk to you?”
他把我领进前厅，说道：“谁不肯和你说话？”
“I tried to kiss her! In front of this whole room of people, while I was supposed to be having that stupid basket boy lunch with Shelly and Miranda, I tried to kiss her!”
“我试着吻她！当着整屋人的面，当我应该和雪莉和米兰达共进愚蠢的篮子男孩午餐，我试着吻她！”
I blurted, “I can’t believe this! I just can’t believe this! She won’t talk to me!”
我脱口而出：“我不能相信！我就是不能相信！她不肯和我说话！”
When I got home, my granddad was waiting at the front door. “Bryce, what is going on? You’ve been running back and forth to the Bakers’, climbing over their fence… You’re acting like the world’s on fire!”
当我回到家时，我外公正等在前门。“布莱斯，怎么回事？你在贝克家跑来跑去，爬栅栏…你表现得像整个世界着火了！”
“She’s locked herself in her room, dear. Why don’t you try phoning tomorrow.”
“她把自己锁在了房间里，亲爱的。明天你在试着打来吧。”
“I don’t know!”
“我不知道！”
Her curtains didn’t open, but the back door did, and out came Mrs. Baker to shoo me away.
她的窗帘没有打开，但后门开了，贝克太太出来把我赶走了。
“No! Yes! I mean, I don’t know!”
“没有！有！我的意思是，我不知道！”
I gave her an hour. Almost. Then I went across the street. “Please, Mrs. Baker. I’ve got to see her!”
我给了她一个小时。几乎。然后我穿过街道。“求你了，贝克太太。我要见她！”
“I was, like, possessed. I couldn’t stop myself! But she pulled away and…” I looked out the window at the Bakers” house. “And now she won’t talk to me!”
“我当时，就像，着了魔。我停不下来！但是她躲开了然后…”我看着窗户外面贝克的房子，“然后现在她不肯和我说话！”
Slowly a smile spread across his face. “You did?”
他脸上缓缓展开一个笑容。“真的？”
My grandfather stood beside me and looked across the street, too. “No, Bryce,” he said softly. “She’s the same as she’s always been; you’re the one who’s changed.” He clapped his hand on my shoulder and whispered, “And, son, from here on out, you’ll never be the same again.”
我外公站在我边上，也看着街对面。“不，布莱斯，”他温和地说，“她和往常一样；改变的人是你。”他在我肩上拍了一下，低语道：“而且，孩子，从现在开始，你再也不会像原来一样了。”
Very quietly my grandfather said, “Maybe she thinks this is all a little sudden?”
我外公非常平静地说，“也许她认为这一切太突然了？”
“It’s not?”
“不是吗？”
Maybe my grandfather’s happy about all this, but I’m miserable. I can’t eat; I can’t watch TV; I can’t seem to do anything.
也许我外公对此感到开心，但我绝望了。我不能吃；我不能看电视；我似乎什么都做不了。
“But it’s not!”
“但这不是！”
“No, I mean…” I turned to him. “It started with that stupid newspaper article. And I don’t know… I’ve been weirded out ever since. She doesn’t look the same, she doesn’t sound the same, she doesn’t even seem like the same person to me!” I stared out the window at the Bakers”. “She’s… she’s just different.”
“不，我的意思是…”我转向他。“都是从那个愚蠢的报纸文章开始的。我不知道…我从那时开始就很奇怪。她看起来是不同的，她听起来是不同的，她甚至对我来说不像是同一个人！”我盯着窗户外面的贝克家。“她…她是不同的。”
So I went to bed early, but I can’t sleep. I’ve watched her house from my window for hours now. I’ve stared at the sky; I’ve counted sheep. But man, I can’t stop kicking myself for what an idiot I’ve been all these years.
所以我很早就上了床，但我睡不着。我从窗口看着她家已经几个小时了。我瞪着天空；我数了绵羊。但天哪，我无法停下来踢我自己，因为这些年我一直是个白痴。
And since you know what a tree-climbing weenie I am, I think it’s pretty clear that I’m willing to do anything to get her to talk to me. Man, I’ll dive after her into a chicken coop full of poop if that’s what it takes. I’ll ride my bike all the stinkin’ way to school for the rest of eternity if it means being with her.
而既然你知道我个爬树胆小鬼，我认为很明显我会做任何事让她和我说话。天哪，我会跟着她钻进一堆鸡屎的鸡棚，如果这是代价。我会永远沿着泥路骑车上学如果这意味着能和她在一起。
And now how am I going to make her listen to me? I’d scale that monster sycamore if I could. Right to the top. And I’d yell her name across the rooftops for the whole world to hear.
而现在我怎样能让她听我？如果可以的话我会爬上那棵巨大的梧桐树。爬到顶上。然后向着屋顶对面喊她的名字让全世界听见。
But what? How do I show her that I’m not the guy she thinks I am? How do I erase everything I’ve done and start over?
但什么呢？我怎样向她说明我不是她认为的那个人？我怎样能抹去我做过的事并重新开始？
Maybe I can’t. Maybe it just can not be done. But if I’ve learned one thing from Juli Baker, it’s that I’ve got to put my whole heart and soul into it and try.
也许我不能。也许这是无法完成的。但如果我从朱莉·贝克身上学到了一件事，那就是我要把我的整颗心和整个灵魂放进去尝试。
Something. I’ve got to come up with some thing to show her that I’ve changed. To prove to her that I understand.
某件事。我至少要做某件事去向她说明我改变了。向她证明我能理解。
I’ll never be the same again.
我再也不会像原来一样了。
Whatever happens, I know that my grandfather’s right about one thing.
不管发生什么，我知道我外公说对了一件事。
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