And a snake.
然后是一条蛇。
It started in the sixth grade with eggs.
从六年级的鸡蛋开始说起。
The Baker brothers’ names are Matt and Mike, but even now I can’t tell you which one’s which. You never see one without the other. And even though they’re not twins, they do look and sound pretty much the same, and they’re both in Lynetta’s class, so maybe one of them got held back. Although I can’t exactly see a teacher voluntarily having either of those maniacs two years in a row.
贝克兄弟的名字是马特和迈克，但是就算是现在我还是不能分清谁是谁。你从没见过他们分开过。虽说他们不是双胞胎，可他们看起来，听声音都差不多相同，而且他们都在琳内塔的班里，所以也许他们其中的一个留过级。尽管我无法想象任何老师自愿带这两个疯子两年。
And the Baker brothers.
然后是贝克兄弟。
Regardless, Matt and Mike are the ones who taught me that snakes eat eggs. And when I say they eat eggs, I’m talking they eat them raw and shell-on whole.
无论如何，就是马特和迈克教会我蛇会吃鸡蛋的。当我说到吃鸡蛋，我的意思是连壳生吃下去。
I probably would’ve gone my entire life without this little bit of reptilian trivia if it hadn’t been for Lynetta. Lynetta had this major-league thing for Skyler Brown, who lives about three blocks down, and every chance she got, she went down there to hang out while he practiced the drums. Well, boom-boom-whap, what did I care, right? But then Skyler and Juli’s brothers formed a band, which they named Mystery Pisser.
如果不是琳内塔的话我这一生大概都不会遇到那种爬行类动物。但是琳内塔为斯凯勒·布朗做了什么社团的东西，住在向前大约三站路的地方，只要一有机会，她就会去那里看他们练习敲鼓。好吧，咚咚锵，我在乎什么？但是斯凯勒和朱莉的哥哥们组成了一个乐队，起名叫神秘尿人。
Eggs scare me. Chickens, too. And buddy, you can laugh at that all you want, but I’m being dead serious here.
鸡蛋令我害怕。鸡也是。兄弟，你如果想笑就尽管笑，但是我是认真的。
“Are you calling me old, young lady? Because it’s certainly getting a rise out of me!”
“你在说我老吗，年轻的小姐？因为这件事完全让我吃惊了！”
Lynetta just shrugged, implying that my mom could draw her own conclusion.
琳内塔只是耸了耸肩，暗示妈妈说出了她自己的结论。
So Lynetta got another one of her teenage time-outs, and after that any time Lynetta was two minutes late coming home for dinner, my mother would messenger me down to Skyler’s house to drag her home. It might have been embarrassing for Lynetta, but it was worse for me. I was still in elementary school, and the Mystery Pisser guys were in high school. They were ripe and ragged, raging power chords through the neighborhood, while I looked like I’d just gotten back from Sunday school.
于是琳内塔得到了另一个青春期隔离，在那之后琳内塔总是晚两分钟回家吃晚饭，我妈妈会叫我去Skyler家把她拉回家。也许这对琳内塔很尴尬，但是我更惨。我那时还在上小学，而他们已经在高中。他们显得很成熟，穿着衣衫褴褛，为邻居制造了破碎的噪音，而我看起来像刚刚从主日学校回来。
When my mom heard about it, she completely wigged out. “What kind of parents would allow their children to be in a band named Mystery Pisser? It’s vile. It’s disgusting!”
当我妈妈听说的时候，她真急了：“什么样的父母会允许他们的孩子给乐队起名为神秘尿人？这太可耻，太恶心了！”
“That’s the whole point, Mom,” Lynetta tried to explain. “It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just to get a rise out of old people.”
“这正说到点子上了，妈妈，”琳内塔试着解释。“这没有任何意义，只是为了让老一辈的人吃惊。”
“You know perfectly well what for. Now you go in there and adjust your attitude, young lady!”
“你完全清楚为什么。现在回房间改正你的态度。年轻人！”
“For what?” Lynetta snapped back. “I didn’t say a thing!”
“为什么？”琳内塔反呛道，“我什么也没说什么啊。”
“Go! Go to your room,” my mother snapped.
“走，回你房间去。”妈妈斥责道。
This, then, is how I wound up in Skyler Brown’s garage, surrounded by high school kids, watching a boa constrictor swallow eggs. Since I’d already seen it down a rat in the Baker brothers’ bedroom, Pisser had lost at least some of the element of surprise. Plus, I picked up on the fact that they’d been saving this little show to freak me out, and I really didn’t want to give them the satisfaction.
然后，这就是我怎样去SkylerBrown的地下室，在一群高中生的围绕下，看一只蟒蛇吞掉鸡蛋。不过我已经见识过它在贝克兄弟的厕所里吃掉一只老鼠，所以这至少去掉了点惊吓的成分。再加上，我认为他们就是想用这个小小的表演来吓我，但我绝对不想给他们任何满足感。
“Hey, Brycie boy, wanna jam?”
“嗨，布莱斯男孩，要吃果酱吗？”
But that wasn’t all. After the snake had glubbed down three eggs, Matt-or-Mike said, “So, Brycie boy, how’s he gonna digest those?”
但这还不是全部。在蛇吞下三个鸡蛋之后，马特或者迈克说：“那么，布莱斯男孩，他要怎么消化这些呢？”
This wasn’t easy, though, because watching a snake swallow an egg is actually much creepier than you might think. The boa opened its mouth to an enormous size, then just took the egg in and glub! We could see it roll down its throat.
但是这并不容易，因为看一只蛇吞下一个鸡蛋事实上比你想象得更令人毛骨悚然。蟒蛇会把嘴巴张得极大，然后咕咚一声吞掉鸡蛋！我们甚至能看见鸡蛋从它的喉咙滚下去。
I’d get so nervous going down there that my voice would squeak when I’d tell Lynetta it was time for dinner. It literally squeaked. But after a while the band dropped Mystery from their name, and Pisser and its entourage got used to me showing up. And instead of glaring at me, they started saying stuff like, “Hey, baby brother, come on in!”
每次我去那里都会非常紧张，当我告诉琳内塔晚饭时间到了的时候我的声音都会颤抖。它确实在颤抖。但是没过多久乐队就把“神秘”二字从他们的名字里去掉了，而贝克兄弟和其他随从的人员也习惯了我的出现。他们不再瞪着我，而是开始对我说话，例如，“嗨，小弟弟，快进来！”
He shook his head and pretended to confide, “He needs a tree. Or a leg.” He grinned at me. “Wanna volunteer yours?”
他摇了摇头，假装在告密：“他需要一个树，或者一条腿。”他对我笑了笑。“想要贡献出你的吗？”
I backed away a little. I could just see that monster try to swallow my leg whole as an after-egg chaser. “No — no!”
我往后退了退。我几乎能看见那个怪物吞下我的整条腿作为鸡蛋的解药。“不，不要。”
I shrugged and tried not to squeak when I answered, “Stomach acid?”
我耸了耸肩，试图在回答的时候不要颤抖，“胃酸？”
The piano! What kind of snake was this? How could my sister stand being in the same room as these dementos? I looked at her, and even though she was pretending to be cool with the snake, I know Lynetta — she was totally creeped out by it.
钢琴！这到底是什么蛇啊？我姐姐怎么能忍受和这群疯子呆在同一个房间呢？我看了看她，虽然她假装很镇静，但是我了解琳内塔——她完全被吓到了。
He laughed and pointed at the boa slithering across the room. “Aw, too bad. He’s going the other way. He’s gonna use the piano instead!”
他大笑着指了指摇摆着穿过房间的蛇。“哦，真遗憾。他朝另一个方向走了。他会用钢琴作为代替！”
The snake wrapped itself around the piano leg about three times, and then Matt-or-Mike put his hands up and said, “Shhh! Shhh! Everybody quiet. Here goes!”
那条蛇绕着钢琴腿卷了三圈，然后不知是马特还是迈克把手举起来说：“嘘，嘘！大家都安静！就要开始了！”
The snake stopped moving, then flexed. And as it flexed, we could hear the eggs crunch inside him.
蛇停止了爬动，然后开始扭曲。它一边扭曲，我们一边能听见鸡蛋在它里面嘎吱作响。
“Oh, gross!” the girls wailed. “Whoa, dude!” the guys all said. Mike and Matt smiled at each other real big and said, “Dinner is served!”
“太恶心了！”女生们尖叫道。“喔！”男生们说。迈克和马特相视而笑道：“晚餐解决了。”
I tried to act cool about the snake, but the truth is I started having bad dreams about the thing swallowing eggs. And rats. And cats.
我试着保持镇静，但是事实是我开始做噩梦，有关它吞下鸡蛋，还有老鼠、猫。
Then the real-life nightmare began.
接着现实生活中的噩梦开始了。
And me.
还有我。
“They’re laying eggs!” She pushed the carton into my hands. “Here, take these! They’re for you and your family.”
“它们在下蛋了！”她把盒子放在我手上。“呐，拿着！这些是给你和你家人的。”
“You know… my chickens? The ones I hatched for the science fair last year?”
“你知道…我的鸡？上一年我为科学展孵化的那些？”
One morning about two weeks after the boa show in Skyler’s garage, Juli appears on our doorstep, and what’s she got in her hands? A halfcarton of eggs. She bounces around like it’s Christmas, saying, “Hiya, Bryce! Remember Abby and Bonnie and Clyde and Dexter? Eunice and Florence?”
蟒蛇出现在Skyler地下室的两周后的一个早晨，朱莉出现在了我们家门前，她手上拿了什么呢？半打鸡蛋。她欢欣鼓舞的样子就像现在是圣诞节。“嗨，布莱斯！你还记得艾比、邦妮、克莱德、德克斯特、尤妮斯和弗洛伦斯吗？”
I just stared at her. Somehow I remembered Santa’s reindeer a little different than that.
我只是瞪着她。至少我记得圣诞老人的驯鹿和这不同。
“Oh. Uh, thanks,” I said, and closed the door.
“哦，呃，谢谢。”我说，然后关上了门。
“Oh, right. How could I forget.”
“哦，对了。我怎么能忘呢。”
I used to really like eggs. Especially scrambled, with bacon or sausage. But even without the little snake incident, I knew that no matter what you did to these eggs, they would taste nothing but foul to me. These eggs came from the chickens that had been the chicks that had hatched from the eggs that had been incubated by Juli Baker for our fifth-grade science fair.
我通常很喜欢鸡蛋，特别是炒蛋，加上培根或是香肠。但是就算没有蛇的事件，我也知道不管你怎么烧这些鸡蛋，它们对我来说也糟透了。这些鸡蛋是朱莉·贝克为五年级科学展准备的鸡蛋里孵出的小鸡长成的大鸡下的。
Juli, though, managed to write an inch-thick report, plus she made diagrams and charts — I’m talking line charts and bar charts and pie charts — about the activity of eggs. Eggs!
但是朱莉，却写了足有一英尺厚的报告，而且还制作了统计图表——我说的是条形、柱形和扇形的统计图——关于鸡蛋的活动。鸡蛋！
It was classic Juli. She totally dominated the fair, and get this — her project was all about watching eggs. My friend, there is not a lot of action to report on when you’re incubating eggs. You’ve got your light, you’ve got your container, you’ve got some shredded newspaper, and that’s it. You’re done.
这是典型的朱莉风格。她完全控制了整个展览，而且要知道——她的课题全是围绕观察鸡蛋。我的朋友，孵蛋并没有什么报告可以写。你只要有光线，有容器，有一些碎报纸，你就完成了。
She also managed to time the eggs so that they’d hatch the night of the fair. How does a person do that? Here I’ve got a live-action erupting volcano that I’ve worked pretty stinking hard on, and all anybody cares about is Juli’s chicks pecking out of their shells. I even went over to take a look for myself, and — I’m being completely objective here — it was boring. They pecked for about five seconds, then just lay there for five minutes.
她还控制了鸡蛋的时间让它们能在展览的那天晚上孵出来。怎么会有人这么做呢？我有一个制作得非常努力的火山喷发模拟，但是每一个人都只关心朱莉的鸡从壳里钻出来。我甚至也去看了看，然后——我完全客观地说——那非常无聊。它们只轻轻啄五秒钟，然后就会休息整整五分钟。
I got to hear Juli jabber away to the judges, too. She had a pointer — can you believe that?
我还必须去听朱莉对评审的演讲。她做了个指物棒——你能相信吗？
The only thing she could’ve done to be more overboard was put on a chicken costume, and buddy, I’m convinced — if she’d thought of it, she would have done it.
她唯一能做的更兴奋的事就是穿上一件鸡的衣服，兄弟，我相信——如果她当时想到这一点，她会做的。
But hey — I was over it. It was just Juli being Juli, right? But all of a sudden there I am a year later, holding a carton of home-grown eggs. And I’m having a hard time not getting annoyed all over again about her stupid blue-ribbon project when my mother leans out from the hallway and says, “Who was that, honey? What have you got there? Eggs?”
但是，嗨——这已经过去好久了。这只是朱莉的风格而已，对吗？但是我突然间在一年后，拿到了一盒家养的鸡蛋。正在我再一次被她一流的课题所烦恼的时候，妈妈从走廊里探出了头问道：“刚才是谁？你拿了什么？鸡蛋？”
“Juli. She grew them.”
“朱莉。她下的。”
I could tell by the look on her face that she was hot to scramble. “Yeah,” I said, and handed them to her. “But I’m having cereal.”
我可以从她的表情看出她很想去炒蛋。“是的，”我说，把盒子递给她。“但是我会吃麦片。”
Not a pencil, an actual retractable pointer, so she could reach across her incubator and tap on this chart or that diagram as she explained the excitement of watching eggs grow for twenty-one days.
并不是只铅笔，一只真正的，可伸缩的指物棒，这样她就能避开孵化器和窃听器，一边指着这个或是那个图表，一边解释观察鸡蛋生长二十一天的兴奋感。
She opened the carton, then closed it with a smile. “How nice!” she said. “Who brought them over?”
她把纸盒打开，然后微笑着合上。“真不错！”她说，“谁拿来的？”
“Grew them?”
“她下的？”
“Well, her chickens did.”
“哦，她的鸡下的。”
“Oh?” Her smile started falling as she opened the carton again. “Is that so. I didn’t know she had… chickens.”
“哦？”她的嘴角开始下垂，她又把盒子打开。“是吗？我不知道她养了…鸡。”
“Well, how do we know there’re not… chicks inside these eggs?”
“恩，我们怎么知道这些鸡蛋里没有小鸡？”
We all had cereal, but what we talked about were eggs. My dad thought they’d be just fine — he’d had farm-fresh eggs when he was a kid and said they were delicious. My mother, though, couldn’t get past the idea that she might be cracking open a dead chick, and pretty soon discussion turned to the role of the rooster — something me and my Cheerios could’ve done without.
我们都吃了麦片，但是我们谈论的是鸡蛋。我爸爸说那些蛋没问题——他小的时候也吃过饲养的新鲜鸡蛋而且它们很美味。但是我妈妈没办法不去想她可能打开一个死鸡，没过一会儿讨论就变成了公鸡的作用——我和我的麦片没有它就不行。
“Remember? You and Dad spent an hour watching them hatch at last year’s science fair?”
“记得吗？你和爸爸在去年的科学展花了一个小时观察它们孵化？”
Finally Lynetta said, “If they had a rooster, don’t you think we’d know? Don’t you think the whole neighborhood would know?”
最后琳内塔说：“如果他们有公鸡的话，我们会不知道吗？你们会认为整个街区会不知道吗？”
I shrugged. “Like I said, I’m having cereal.”
我耸了耸肩：“我刚才说了，我要吃麦片。”
Hmmm, we all said, good point. But then my mom pipes up with, “Maybe they got it de-yodeled. You know — like they de-bark dogs?”
恩，我们都说，正说到点子上了。但是我妈妈说道，“也许他们不让它叫呢。你知道——就像他们不让狗叫一样？”
“A de-yodeled rooster,” my dad says, like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. Then he looks at my mom and realizes that he’d be way better off going along with her de-yodeled idea than making fun of her. “Hmmm,” he says, “I’ve never heard of such a thing, but maybe so.”
“一只不让叫的公鸡。”我爸爸说，就像这是他听过的最荒谬的事。然后他看着我妈妈并察觉他最好让她不让叫的主意持续下去，而不是嘲笑她。“恩，”他说，“我从没听说过这样的事，不过也许吧。”
Mom says, “Excuse me,” and follows Lynetta down the hall.
妈妈说：“抱歉。”然后跟着琳内塔进了走廊。
“Dad!”
“爸！”
When my mother’s gone, my dad says, “So, son, why don’t you just ask Juli?”
妈妈走后，爸爸说：“那，儿子，为什么你不问问朱莉？”
“It’s just a little question, Bryce. No harm, no foul.”
“这只是个小小的问题，布莱斯。又没什么损害。”
“I was going to ask you about that, honey. Did something happen?”
“我正想问你呢，亲爱的。发生什么事了吗？”
“Lynetta!” my mom says. Like this is the first time she’s heard my sister talk to me or something.
“琳内塔！”妈妈说。就像这是第一次她听见我姐姐这样对我说话。
“But it’ll get me a half-hour answer!”
“但是我至少要半个小时才能得到答案！”
“Haven’t you noticed I haven’t been going down there, you idiot?”
“你难道没注意到我最近没去他们那儿吗，你这笨蛋？”
Lynetta stands up and shoves her chair in. “Like you care,” she snaps, and charges down to her room.
琳内塔站起来，猛地把她的椅子推进去。“你在乎什么。”她冷哼道，然后回了房间。
She scowls at me and hisses, “Shut up.”
她怒视着我反对道：“闭嘴。”
“What? What’d I do now?”
“什么？我做了什么？”
“Well, it’s true! How can he not have noticed?”
“这是真的！他怎么能没注意到呢？”
Lynetta shrugs and says to my mom, “So just ask them, why don’t you. Call up Mrs. Baker and ask her.”
琳内塔耸了耸肩对我妈妈说：“那就直接问他们，为什么不呢？打电话给贝克太太问问看。”
“Just ask Matt or Mike,” I say to Lynetta.
“那就问问马特或迈克。”我对琳内塔说。
He studies me for a minute, then says, “No boy should be this afraid of a girl.”
他盯着我看了一会儿，然后说：“没有男孩会害怕一个女孩。”
“Oh,” my mom says. “Well, I’d hate to call her eggs into question. It doesn’t seem very polite, now, does it?”
“哦，”妈妈说，“嗯，我不想质疑她的鸡蛋。这听起来不太有礼貌，是吗？”
“Oh, boy,” my dad says.
“哦，天哪！”爸爸说。
“But… how can I tell if one of them’s a rooster or not?”
“但是…你怎么知道它是不是公鸡？”
“Look, a rooster’s going to be bigger and have brighter feathers. You know, those long ones in the back? They’re redder or blacker or whatever. And don’t roosters have some rubbery red stuff growing off the top of their head? And some off their neck, too? Yeah, the rooster’s got all sorts of rubbery red stuff all around its face.”
“记着，公鸡更大而且有鲜亮的羽毛。你知道，长在背上的长长的羽毛？它们更红或更黑。而且公鸡不是有什么红宝石色东西长在头顶吗？还有些在脖子上？是的，公鸡有那些红宝石色的东西长在脸上。”
“Roosters are… I don’t know… bigger. And they have more feathers.”
“公鸡更…我不知道…更大。它们有更多的羽毛。”
“Seriously, son. I want you to get us an answer. Conquer your fear and get us an answer.”
“真的，儿子。我只是想得到一个答案。克服你的恐惧然后给我们一个答案。”
“That’s right.” He gets up and clears his cereal bowl, saying, “I’ve got to get to work and you’ve got to get to school. I’ll expect a report tonight.”
“对。”他站起来，吃完了他的麦片。“我要去上班而你要去上学。我希望晚上能得到回答。”
Great. Just great. The day was doomed before it had started. But then at school when I told Garrett about what had happened, he just shrugged and said, “Well, she lives right across the street from you, right?”
好吧，好吧。这天的厄运在开始前就注定了。但是在学校我告诉加瑞特发生的事后，他只是耸了耸肩说道：“嗯，她就住在你家对面，是吗？”
“Yeah, so?”
“是，然后呢？”
“Sure.”
“当然。”
“I’m not afraid of her…!”
“我没在怕她！”
“To whether or not they have a rooster?”
“他们有没有公鸡？”
“You mean spy?”
“你的意思是偷窥？”
“Dad!”
“爸！”
“I think you are.”
“我认为是。”
“Feathers? Like I’ve got to go and count feathers?”
“羽毛？所以说我要数羽毛了？”
“No, stupid! My mom says that the male’s always brighter.” Then he laughs and says, “Although in your case I’m not so sure.”
“不，笨蛋！我妈说公鸡的羽毛更鲜亮些。”然后他笑着说，“虽然你的问题我不确定。”
“Thanks. You are giving me big-time help here, buddy. I really appreciate it.”
“谢谢。你给了我很大的帮助，兄弟。我很感激。”
“So just go look over the fence.”
“然后只要在栅栏外看看就行了。”
“So you’re saying I’m supposed to look over the fence for big feathers and rubbery red stuff.”
“所以你的意思是我应该从栅栏后看看有没有大羽毛和红宝石色的东西。”
“Well, come to think of it, chickens have that rubbery red stuff, too. Just not as much of it.”
“嗯，如果想一想，小鸡也有那些红色的东西。只是没有那么多。”
“Seriously?”
“真的吗？”
I rolled my eyes at him and was about to say, Forget it, I’ll just ask Juli, but then he says, “I’ll come with you if you want.”
我翻了翻眼睛然后准备说，算了吧，我会去问朱莉，但是他说：“如果你需要，我可以和你一起去。”
“Yeah, dude. Seriously.”
“当然是真的。”
And that, my friend, is how I wound up spying over the Bakers’ back fence with Garrett Anderson at three-thirty that afternoon. Not my choice of covert operations, but a necessary one in order to report back to my dad that night at dinner.
然后，我的朋友，我就是这样在下午三点半和加瑞特·安德森一起偷窥朱莉贝克的院子的。这并不是我的选择，但是我必须在晚餐的时候给爸爸一个答案。
We got there fast, too. The bell rang and we basically charged off campus because I figured if we got to the Bakers’ quick enough, we could look and leave before Juli was anywhere near her house. We didn’t even drop off our backpacks. We went straight down the alley and started spying.
我们很快就到了那儿。铃声一响我们就冲出了学校，因为我认为如果我们能够很快到达贝克家，就有机会在朱莉到家之前离开。我们甚至没有放下书包。我们直接去了小巷然后开始偷窥。
It’s not really necessary to look over the Bakers’ fence. You can see almost as well looking through it. But Garrett kept sticking his head up, so I figured I should too, although in the back of my mind I was aware that Garrett didn’t have to live in this neighborhood — I did.
我们并不需要从贝克家的栅栏上面看。就算你从缝隙间也能看得足够清楚。但是加瑞特不断地抬起头，所以我认为我也应该这样做，虽然在脑海深处我意识到加瑞特并不住在这个街区附近，我住在这儿。
He shrugs. “Looks like a chicken to me.”
他耸了耸肩，“看起来像只小鸡。”
He shrugs again. “Just does.”
他又耸了耸肩，“只是看起来像。”
At first all we hear is a bunch of feathers flapping, but then one of the birds comes fluttering out. Not very far, but enough so we can see it’s got feathers and rubbery red stuff.
一开始我们听见一堆羽毛扇动的声音，接着一只鸡震翼飞了出来。并没有很远，但是我们能够看见它有羽毛和红色的东西。
“Probably in the coop,” he says, then picks up a rock and throws it at the mess of plywood and chicken wire.
“大概在笼子里。”他说，然后捡起一块石头朝一堆胶合板和金属丝扔过去。
“So?” I ask him. “Is that a rooster?”
“所以呢？”我问他，“那是公鸡吗？”
“How can you tell?”
“你怎么知道？”
“Yeah. You got roosters, you got chickens, and then there’s hens. What’s a hen?”
“对啊。有公鸡，小鸡，还有母鸡。母鸡是怎样的？”
Garrett was the first to notice their dog, sacked out on the patio between two sorry-looking folding chairs. He points at him and says, “You think he’s going to give us trouble?”
加瑞特最先注意到了狗，在两张破旧的折叠椅中间的露台上睡觉。他指着他问：“你认为他会带给我们麻烦吗？”
We watch it scratching at the dirt for a minute, and then I ask, “What’s a hen, anyway?”
我们观察它抓了泥土一会儿，然后我问，“无论如何，母鸡是怎样的？”
“We’re not going to be here long enough to get in trouble! Where are those stupid chickens?”
“我们不会在这儿呆足够长的时间惹上麻烦！那些愚蠢的鸡呢？”
“A hen?”
“母鸡？”
The backyard was a mess. Big surprise. The bushes were out of control, there was some kind of hodgepodge wood-and-wire coop off to one side, and the yard wasn’t grass, it was highly fertilized dirt.
后院是一团乱麻。一点儿不令人惊讶。灌木丛杂乱无章，那有一个木头和金属丝混合的笼子在一边，院子里没什么草，并且非常脏。
“Chickens! What’s a chicken?”
“小鸡！小鸡长什么样？”
“It’s one of those,” he says, pointing into the Bakers’ backyard.
“它们中间的一只。”他说，指着贝克家的后院。
“Then what’s a chicken?”
“那小鸡是怎样的？”
He looks at me like I’m crazy. “What are you talking about?”
他看着我，像是我疯了似的。“你在说什么啊？”
He takes a step back from me and says, “Brycie boy, you are losin’ it. That’s a chicken!” He stoops down to pick up another rock, and he’s just about to let it fly when the sliding-glass door to the back patio opens up and Juli steps outside.
他往后退了一步然后说，“布莱斯男孩，你搞错了。那是只小鸡！”他弯腰捡起另一块石头，正当他要飞出去的时候，露台后的玻璃门被打开，朱莉走了出来。
We both duck. And as we’re checking her out through the fence, I say, “When did she get home?”
我们都蹲了下来。当我们从栅栏之间盯着她的时候，我问：“她什么时候到家的？”
First she had to get all mushy with that mangy mutt of hers. She got down and nuzzled and ruffled and patted and hugged, telling him what a good boy he was. And when she finally let him go back to sleep, she had to stop and coo at the bird Garrett had scared out, and then she started singing.
首先她需要安抚她那只脏脏的狗。她蹲下来对他又拍又抱，告诉他他是只多好的狗。然后当她终于让他继续去睡觉，她必须停下来对着被加瑞特吓到的一只鸡咕咕地叫，然后她开始唱歌。
Garrett grumbles, “While you were losing it about chickens.” Then he whispers, “But hey, this’ll work great. She’s got a basket, right? She’s probably coming out to collect eggs.”
加瑞特嘟囔道：“当你混淆小鸡的时候。”然后他低声说，“但是嗨，这就好办了。她拿了一个篮子，对吗？她说不定是来收集鸡蛋的。”
Singing. At the top of her lungs, she goes, “I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it’s cold outsi-ye-yide, I’ve got the month of May. I guess you’d say, what can make me feel this way? My girls. Talking about my little gir-ur-rls…”
唱歌。用她最高的声音。“虽说天气阴郁多云，我心自是晴空万里。我好似沐浴五月春风，即使屋外寒冷无比。我想你会不明白，为何我如此乐开怀？我的姑娘，都是因为我的姑娘我的爱…”
The coop wasn’t big enough for her to walk in. It was more like a mini lean-to shack that even her dog would have trouble crawling in. Does that stop Juli Baker? No. She gets down on her hands and knees and dives right in. Chickens come squawking and flapping out, and pretty soon the yard’s full of birds, and all we can see of Juli is her poop-covered shoes.
笼子没有大到让她走进去。它更像一个迷你的需要弯腰进去的简陋小屋，她的狗都不一定能爬进去。但是那样阻止朱莉·贝克了吗？没有。她膝盖和手并用钻了进去。鸡咯咯叫着飞了出来，没一会儿院子里就满是鸡了，我们能看到朱莉的就只有她满是粪便的鞋子。
She looks inside the coop and coos, “Hello, Flo! Good afternoon, Bonnie! Come on out, punkin!”
她看着笼子里面叫道，“你好啊，弗洛！下午好，邦妮！出来啊，小鸡们！”
Garrett got me back on track. “They’re all chickens,” he says. “Look at ’em.”
加瑞特把我拉回了现实。“它们都是小鸡，”他说，“看看它们。”
That’s not all we can hear, though. She’s warbling inside that coop, going, “I don’t need money, no fortune or faaa-ya-yame. I got all the riches, baby, anyone can claim. Well, I guess you’d say, what can make me feel this way? My girls. Talkin’ ’bout my little gir-ur-rls, my girls…”
但我们能听到更多。她的声音从笼子里传出来。“金钱、财富和名气，我皆无所需，男人能拥有的一切珍宝，亲爱的，我都已得到。我想你会不明白，为何我如此乐开怀？我的姑娘，都是因为我的姑娘我的爱…”
At this point I wasn’t checking the chickens out for rubbery red stuff or feathers. I was looking at the bottom of Juli Baker’s feet, wondering how in the world a person could be so happy tunneling through a dilapidated chicken coop with poop stuck all over her shoes.
这时候我没在看鸡身上的红色的东西或是羽毛。我看着朱莉的鞋底，心想这世上怎么会有人踩着一堆鸡粪便钻过一个破旧的鸡笼，还能够如此开心。
After all, how could anyone forget she’d hatched six? It was the all-time school record — everyone in the county had heard about that.
毕竟，怎么会有人忘记她孵出了六只？那是学校最好的成绩——整个镇上的人都听说了。
But I was not really sure how to ask Garrett about what he had said. Yeah, they were all chickens, but what did that mean? I sure didn’t want him coming down on me again, but it still didn’t make sense. Finally I asked him, “You mean there’s no rooster?”
但是我不确定怎么问加瑞特关于他说的。是的，他们都是鸡，但是那是什么意思呢？我当然不想让他再看低了我，但是这还是解释不通。最后我问他，“你的意思是这里没有公鸡？”
“How can you tell?”
“你怎么知道？”
I quit checking out Juli’s shoes and started checking out birds. The first thing I did was count them. One-two-three-four-five-six. All accounted for.
我停止看朱莉的鞋子开始观察鸡。我做的第一件事是数它们。一、二、三、四、五、六。都在那儿了。
He shrugged. “Roosters strut.”
他耸肩，“公鸡会大摇大摆地走。“
“Strut.”
“大摇大摆地走。”
“Correctomundo.”
“没错。”
I attacked my noodles too and gave him a smile. “Uhhuh,” I said as I sat up tall to deliver the news. “They’re all chickens.”
我也对付着我的面条，朝他微笑道。“恩。”我一边说一边坐直了宣布消息，“它们都是鸡。”
“That’s right. And look — none of them have long feathers. Or very much of that rubbery red stuff.” He nodded. “Yeah. They’re definitely all chickens.”
“对了。看——没有一只鸡有长羽毛。或者是很明显的红色的东西。”他点头道，“是的。它们绝对都是鸡。”
That night my father got right to the point. “So, son, mission accomplished?” he asked as he stabbed into a mountain of fettuccine and whirled his fork around.
那天晚上爸爸立刻说到了点子上。“所以，儿子，任务完成了？”他一边把用叉子卷起意大利面一边问。
“You didn’t ask her?”
“你没问她？”
I could tell something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I tried to keep the smile plastered on my face as I said, “And what?”
我知道出了些问题，但是我不知是什么。我试着在我说话的时候微笑：“然后什么？”
“Uh, not exactly.”
“呃，不完全是这样。”
“Lynetta!” my mother said. “Be nice.”
“琳内塔！”妈妈说，“别这样。”
“Meaning I went over there and took a look for myself.” I tried very hard to sound like this was a major accomplishment, but he wasn’t buying.
“意思是我直接过去看了看。”我试着让我自己听起来像很好地完成了任务，但是他并不买账。
“I didn’t have to. Garrett knows a lot about chickens, and we went over there and found out for ourselves.”
“我不需要。加瑞特知道关于鸡的事，所以我们就过去看了清楚。”
“Uh… she didn’t exactly say anything.”
“呃，她并没有确切地说任何话。”
My mom turned to me. “Bryce? Is that true?”
妈妈转向了我。“布莱斯？这是真的吗？”
Lynetta came back from rinsing the Romano sauce off her seven and a half noodles, then reached for the salt and scowled at me, saying, “You’re the chicken.”
琳内塔已经把罗马诺干酪从她的面条上挑了出来，她试着取盐然后怒视着我，说道：“你才是鸡呢。”
“Then exactly what did she say?”
“那她究竟说了什么？”
He rested his fork and stared at me. “Is that what she said? “They’re all chickens’?”
他放下叉子瞪着我。“这是她的回答？‘它们都是鸡’？”
“Meaning?”
“意思是？”
Lynetta stopped shaking the salt. “Mother, he spied. You get it? He went over there and looked over the fence. Are you saying you’re okay with that?”
琳内塔停止撒盐。“妈妈，他去偷窥了，你明白吗？他去了那边在栅栏后面看。你难道在说这没关系吗？”
The turning of his fork came to a grinding halt. “And…?”
他的叉子突然停止了旋转。“然后呢…”
“Right.”
“没错。”
Everyone was staring at me now, and I felt like I had to save face. “What’s the big deal? You told me to find out about her chickens, and I found out about her chickens!”
现在所有的人都盯着我，而我觉得应该保住颜面。“这很重要吗？你们告诉我找到一个答案，我现在找到了！”
He sighed, then took that bite of noodles and chewed it for the longest time.
他叹气，然后叉起了面条咀嚼了很长时间。
“Brawk-brawk-brawk!” my sister whispered.
“嘣－嘣－嘣！”姐姐低语道。
“Because there’s… well, there’s… I don’t know how to say this nicely.”
“因为那里…恩，那里…唉，我不知道怎么说好。”
My father still wasn’t eating. “And what you found out,” he said, like he was measuring every word, “was that they’re all… chickens.”
爸爸还是没在吃饭。“所以你的答案是，”他说，像是在测量每一个词，“它们都是…鸡。”
It felt like I was sinking fast, but I couldn’t figure out why. So I tried to bail out with, “And you guys can go ahead and eat those eggs, but there’s no way I’m going to touch them, so don’t even ask.”
我觉得自己像在快速下沉，但是我不知道为什么。我试着脱离困境：“当然你们可以吃那些鸡蛋，但是我连碰也不会碰，根本不用问我。”
My mother’s looking back and forth from my dad to me while she eats her salad, and I can tell she’s waiting for him to address my adventure as a neighborhood operative. But since he’s not saying anything, she clears her throat and says, “Why’s that?”
妈妈一边吃她的沙拉一边来回看着我和爸爸，我能想到她正等着爸爸把我的探险评论为邻居密探。但是他什么都没说，于是妈妈清了清喉咙问道：“为什么？”
“Just say it,” my father snaps.
“说吧。”爸爸厉声说。
“Well, there’s, you know, excrement everywhere.”
“唉，那里，你知道，到处都是粪便。”
“Well, it’s true!”
“喂，这是真的！”
“Who’s afraid of a girl.”
“而且害怕一个女孩。”
“A coward! Rick, please. Bryce is no such thing. He’s a wonderful child who’s –“
“懦夫！里克，别说笑了。布莱斯不是那样的。他是一个很好的孩子而且——”
“Lynetta! You have to eat something,” my mother calls after her.
“琳内塔！你必须吃点东西。”妈妈在她身后叫道。
“Oh, gross!” Lynetta wails.
“噢，真恶心！”琳内塔尖叫道。
“No, I don’t!” she shouts back; then a second later she sticks her head back into the dining room and says, “And don’t expect me to eat any of those eggs either, Mother. Does the word salmonella mean anything to you?”
“不，我不要！”她喊道，然后一秒钟之后她把头探进餐厅说道：“而且也别想让我吃那些鸡蛋，妈妈。沙门氏菌这个词对你有什么意义吗？”
“I don’t know, Patsy. I’m more concerned that our son is a coward.”
“我不知道。帕特斯。我更担心的是我们的儿子是个懦夫。”
“Oh, gross!” my sister says, throwing down her fork.
“噢，恶心死了！”姐姐说，扔下了她的叉子。
Lynetta stands up and says, “You expect me to eat after this?” and stalks out of the room.
琳内塔站起来说：“你还让我怎么吃啊？”然后冲出了房间。
“Why?”
“为什么？”
“Yeah. There’s not even a lawn. It’s all dirt and, uh, you know, chicken turds. The chickens walk in it and peck through it and…”
“是啊。那里甚至没有一块草坪。都是污泥和，唉，你知道，鸡粪。鸡在上面乱走，乱啄还有…”
“Dad, I’m not afraid of her, she just bugs me!”
“爸，我没有怕她，她只是令我厌烦！”
“You mean chicken droppings?” my mother asks.
“你指的是鸡的排泄物？”妈妈问。
Lynetta takes off down the hall and my mother says, “Salmonella?” She turns to my father. “Do you suppose they could have salmonella?”
琳内塔退回了走廊然后妈妈说：“沙门氏菌？”她转向我爸爸。“你认为它们有沙门氏菌吗？”
“He tells me they’re all chickens! Of course they’re all chickens! The question is how many are hens, and how many are roosters.”
“他告诉我它们都是鸡！它们当然都是鸡！关键问题在于有多少是母鸡，有多少是公鸡。”
“No, he didn’t!”
“不，他没有！”
“Rick…,” my mom was saying, “Rick, calm down. He did find out what you asked him to –“
“里克…”我妈妈说，“里克，冷静点。他已经得到你问题的答案了…”
“You know why! She bugs you, too. She’s over the top about everything!”
“你知道为什么！她也令你厌烦。她每一件事都想管！”
“What do you mean?”
“你是什么意思？”
I could almost hear the click in my brain, and man, I felt like a complete doofus. No wonder he was disgusted with me. I was an idiot! They were all chickens… du-uh! Garrett acted like he was some expert on chickens, and he didn’t know diddly-squat! Why had I listened to him?
我几乎可以听见我脑子里“咔哒”一声响，天，我觉得自己像个十足的白痴。怪不得他对我如此反感。我是个笨蛋！它们都是鸡…啊哈！加瑞特表现得像个鸡的专家，可是他根本一无所知！我怎么会听他的？
“Bryce, I asked you to conquer your fear, but all you did was give in to it. If you were in love with her, that would be one thing. Love is something to be afraid of, but this, this is embarrassing. So she talks too much, so she’s too enthused about every little thing, so what? Get in, get your question answered, and get out. Stand up to her, for crying out loud!”
“布莱斯，我让你克服你的恐惧，但是你却让它继续发展。如果你爱上了她，那还说得通。爱情是一件让人害怕的事，但是这，这太令人尴尬了。就算她话太多，就算她对任何小事都很热心，那又怎样呢？过去，得到一个答案，再出来。在她面前更要站直了，真是岂有此理！”
But it was too late. My dad was convinced I was a coward, and to get me over it, he decided that what I should do was take the carton of eggs back to the Bakers and tell them we didn’t eat eggs, or that we were allergic to them, or something.
但是已经太晚了。爸爸相信我是个懦夫，为了帮助我，他决定我应该做的是把这盒鸡蛋还给贝克一家，告诉他们我们不吃鸡蛋，或者我们都对鸡蛋过敏，或者随便说些什么。
“Patsy, that’s not the point. The point is, I will not have a coward for a son!”
“帕特斯，这不是重点。重点是，我不会有一个作为懦夫的儿子！”
I was off the hook for all of about eight days. Then there she was again, at seven in the morning, bouncing up and down on our porch with eggs in her hands. “Hi, Bryce! Here you go.”
那之后我又过了八天的安静日子。然后她又出现了，早上七点，在我们家门口又蹦又跳，手里拿着鸡蛋。“嗨，布莱斯！给你的。”
“Yes, sir.”
“听见了。”
She wound up pushing another carton into my hands, and I wound up ditching them in the kitchen trash before my father sat down to breakfast.
她把一个纸盒塞在我手上，而我在爸爸坐下来吃早饭之前把它们扔进了厨房垃圾箱。
“Fine. Then just throw them away. But from now on I expect you to look that little tiger square in the eye, you hear me?”
“好吧。那就直接把它们扔了。但是从现在开始我希望你勇敢点，听见没？”
“Okay, then.”
“那就这样吧。”
“What, that you’re afraid of salmonella poisoning?”
“什么，说你害怕沙门氏菌中毒？”
Then my mom butts in with, “What are you teaching him here, Rick? None of that is true. If he returns them, shouldn’t he tell them the truth?”
然后妈妈插进来：“你在教他什么，里克？这都不是真的。如果他还回去，他不应该说实话吗？”
“Me? Aren’t you a little concerned, too?”
“我？你不是也有点担心吗？”
“But teaching him to lie?”
“但是教他撒谎？”
I tried to look her square in the eye and tell her, No thanks, but she was so darned happy, and I wasn’t really awake enough to tackle the tiger.
我试着直视着她的眼睛告诉她，不了谢谢，但她是这么开心，而我没有足够清醒去拒绝她。
This went on for two years. Two years! And it got to a point where it was just part of my morning routine. I’d be on the lookout for Juli so I could whip the door open before she had the chance to knock or ring the bell, and then I’d bury the eggs in the trash before my dad showed up.
这持续了两年。两年！到最后这变成了我早上的惯例。每天早上我会监视朱莉，这样就能在她按响门铃之前拦截她，然后我会在爸爸出现前把鸡蛋埋进垃圾里。
The Egg Chick.
那个鸡蛋女孩。
Well, guess who’s just standing there like a statue on my porch?
然后，猜猜谁像一塑雕像一样站在我们家门廊里？
I about spilled the trash all over the porch. “What are you still doing here?” I asked her.
我差一点就把垃圾都洒在了门廊。“你还在这儿干吗？”我问她。
Then came the day I blew it. Juli’d actually been making herself pretty scarce because it was around the time they’d taken the sycamore tree down, but suddenly one morning she was back on our doorstep, delivering eggs. I took them, as usual, and I went to chuck them, as usual. But the kitchen trash was so full that there wasn’t any room for the carton, so I put it on top, picked up the trash, and beat it out the front door to empty everything into the garbage can outside.
但终于到了我搞砸的一天。那段时间我很少见到她因为那是在他们砍掉梧桐树后不久，但是一个早晨她突然到了我们家，送鸡蛋。我像往常一样收下它们，然后像往常一样去丢掉。但是那天早上的垃圾桶很满，没有塞下纸盒的空间，所以我把它们放在了最上面，拎起垃圾，然后出去把垃圾倒到前面的垃圾箱里。
“I… I don’t know. I was just… thinking.”
“我…我不知道。我只是在…思考。”
“About what?” I was desperate. I needed a distraction. Some way around her with this garbage before she noticed what was sitting right there on top.
“关于什么？”我很绝望。我需要分散她的注意力。在她注意到最上面的东西之前走向垃圾箱。
She looked away like she was embarrassed. Juli Baker embarrassed? I didn’t think it was possible.
她看起来很尴尬地收回了视线。朱莉·贝克会尴尬？我不认为有这种可能。
Whatever. The golden opportunity to whip a soggy magazine over the egg carton had presented itself, and buddy, I took it. Then I tried to make a fast break for the garbage can in the side yard, only she body-blocked me. Seriously. She stepped right in my way and put her arms out like she’s guarding the goal.
无论如何。这是一个很好的机会把一个湿透的杂志盖在纸盒上，而我就这么做了。然后我试着我从院子另一边抄近路到达垃圾箱，但她挡住了我。真的，她就挡在了我的路上伸出手臂，像在防守球门。
She chased me and blocked me again. “What happened?” she wants to know. “Did they break?”
她追着我又堵住我。“发生什么事了？”她想知道，“它们破了吗？“
Perfect. Why hadn’t I thought of that? “Yeah, Juli,” I told her. “And I’m real sorry about that.” But what I’m thinking is, Please, God, oh please, God, let me make it to the garbage can.
太完美了。我怎么没想到呢？“是的，朱莉，”我告诉她，“我很抱歉。”但是我心里想的却是，上帝啊，求你了，上帝，让我能够到达垃圾箱。
God must’ve been sleeping in. Juli tackled the trash and pulled out her precious little carton of eggs, and she could tell right off that they weren’t broken. They weren’t even cracked.
上帝当时一定在睡觉。朱莉拉住了垃圾把她珍贵的装鸡蛋的小纸盒抽了出来，她立刻就知道它们没有破，它们甚至没有开裂。
So I told her we were afraid of salmonella poisoning because her yard was a mess and that we were just trying to spare her feelings. I told it to her like we were right and she was wrong, but I felt like a jerk. A complete cluck-faced jerk.
所以我告诉他我们害怕沙门氏菌中毒因为他们的院子很脏，而我们只是想不伤害她的感情。我告诉她的感觉像是我们是对的，她是错的，但是我觉得自己很坏。一个十足的坏蛋。
She stood frozen with the eggs in her hands while I dumped the rest of the trash. “Why did you throw them out?” she asked, but her voice didn’t sound like Juli Baker’s voice. It was quiet. And shaky.
当我把剩余的垃圾倒掉的时候她像冰冻了似的站在原地。“为什么把它们扔掉？”她问，但是她的声音听起来不像是朱莉的声音。声音很安静，却在颤抖。
Then she tells me that a couple of neighbors have been buying eggs off her. Buying them.
然后她告诉我有几个邻居在向她买鸡蛋。买鸡蛋！
And while I’m coming to grips with this incredible bit of news, she whips out her mental calculator. “Do you realize I’ve lost over a hundred dollars giving these eggs to you?” Then she races across the street in a flood of tears.
正当我试着去消化这个难以置信的消息时，她的脑子已经开始飞速运转。“你难道没发现我给你的这些鸡蛋价值近一百美元吗？”然后她哭着穿过了马路。
Was I really afraid of hurting her feelings?
我是真的害怕伤她的感情吗？
As much as I tried to tell myself that I hadn’t asked her for the eggs — I hadn’t said we wanted them or needed them or liked them — the fact was, I’d never seen Juli cry before. Not when she’d broken her arm in P. E., not when she’d been teased at school or ditched by her brothers. Not even when they’d cut down the sycamore tree. I’m pretty sure she cried then, but I didn’t actually see it. To me, Juli Baker had always been too tough to cry.
虽然我尽力告诉自己我并没有问她要鸡蛋——我从没说过我们想要它们或需要它们或喜欢它们——但事实是，我以前从没见过朱莉哭。她在体育课上手臂骨折时没有，在学校被嘲笑或被哥哥们甩掉的时候也没有。甚至是他们砍掉梧桐树的时候。我很肯定她为此哭过，但是我没有真正见到过。对我来说，朱莉一直以来都太坚强。
还是我害怕她呢?
Or was I afraid of her？
I went down to my room to pack my stuff for school, feeling like the biggest jerk to ever hit the planet. I’d been sneaking around throwing out eggs for over two years, avoiding her, avoiding my father — what did that make me? Why hadn’t I just stood up and said, No thanks, don’t want ’em, don’t need ’em, don’t like ’em… Give them to the snake, why don’t you? Something!
我回到房间准备上学的东西，感觉自己是整个地球上最坏的人。我偷偷地扔了两年的鸡蛋，瞒着她，瞒着爸爸——是什么让我这么做的？为什么我没有站出来说，不了谢谢，不想要它们，不需要它们，不喜欢它们——为什么不把它们喂蛇？至少说些什么！
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