I was packed for my two-day visit with “Alice,” and my bag waited for me on the passenger seat of my truck. I’d given the concert tickets to Angela, Ben, and Mike. Mike was going to take Jessica, which was exactly as I’d hoped. Billy had borrowed Old Quil Ateara’s boat and invited Charlie down for some open sea fishing before the afternoon game started. Collin and Brady, the two youngest werewolves, were staying behind to protect La Push — though they were just children, both of them only thirteen. Still, Charlie would be safer than anyone left in Forks.
我收拾好行李准备与“爱丽丝”一起出游两天，我的包在卡车的乘客座上面等待我。我把音乐会的票给了安吉拉、本和迈克。迈克打算带上杰西卡，这正如我所期望的那样。比利借来了老吉尔·阿提拉的船，在下午的进攻开始之前邀请查理到拉普西广阔的海边钓鱼。最年幼的狼人柯林和布莱迪留守保护拉普西——尽管他们还都是孩子，才十三岁。不过查理还是会比留在福克斯的任何人都要安全一些。
Everything was ready.
一切准备就绪。
I had done all that I could do. I tried to accept that, and put the things that were outside of my control out of my head, for tonight at least. One way or another, this would all be over in forty-eight hours. The thought was almost comforting.
我已经做好我能做的一切。我试着接受事实，把在我掌控之外的事情抛在脑后，至少今晚如此。无论如何，这会在四十八小时内结束，这个想法差不多让人感到欣慰。
Edward had requested that I relax, and I was going to do my best.
爱德华要求我放松，我打算尽力而为。
“For this one night, could we try to forget everything besides just you and me?” he’d pleaded, unleashing the full force of his eyes on me. “It seems like I can never get enough time like that. I need to be with you. Just you.”
“为了这一夜，我们能不能试着忘记一切，除了你和我？”他恳求道，把他眼睛里的全部力量都释放在我身上，似乎那样的时间对我而言永远都不够一样，我需要和你在一起，只有你。”
That was not a hard request to agree to, though I knew that forgetting my fears would be much easier said than done. Other matters were on my mind now, knowing that we had this night to be alone, and that would help.
那不是个难以认同的要求，尽管我知道忘记恐惧说起来容易，做起来难，现在还有其他的事情在我心上，知道我们今晚会独自相处，或许那会有所帮助。
I was ready to join his family and his world. The fear and guilt and anguish I was feeling now had taught me that much. I’d had a chance to concentrate on this — as I’d gazed at the moon through the clouds and rested against a werewolf — and I knew I would not panic again. The next time something came at us, I would be ready. An asset, not a liability. He would never have to make the choice between me and his family again. We would be partners, like Alice and Jasper. Next time, I would do my part.
我已经准备好加入他的家庭，他的世界。现在我所感受到的恐惧、内疚和极度苦恼教会我那么多。我有机会好好思考此事——当我凝视于月亮穿过乌云，月光洒落在狼人身上的时候——我知道我现在不会惊慌失措了。下回在我们身上发生什么事情的时候，我会准备好的。这是一种财富，而不是债务。他永远都不必在他的家人和我之间作选择了，我们会成为伴侣，就像爱丽丝和贾斯帕一样。下回我会尽到自己的职责。
For instance, I was ready.
例如，我已经准备好了。
There were some things that had changed.
也有一些事情发生了改变。
There was only one missing piece.
只是有一块东西遗失了。
One piece, because there were some things that had not changed, and that included the desperate way I loved him. I’d had plenty of time to think through the ramifications of Jasper and Emmett’s bet — to figure out the things I was willing to lose with my humanity, and the part that I was not willing to give up. I knew which human experience I was going to insist on before I became inhuman.
一块，因为还有一些事情没有改变，包括那种我不顾一切爱他的方式。我有充裕的时间想通贾斯帕和埃美特打赌的结果——弄清楚我愿意接受伴随我人性的消失而失去的东西，以及那些我不愿意放弃的东西。我知道在我不再是人类之前，哪一种人类经验是我会永远坚守的。
I would wait for the sword to be removed from over my head, so that Edward would be satisfied. But it wasn’t necessary. I was ready.
我会等待着让我无力承受的那把剑从我头顶上移走，这样爱德华就会满意。不过那倒没有必要，我准备好了。
So we had some things to work out tonight. After everything I’d seen in the past two years, I didn’t believe in the word impossible anymore. It was going to take more than that to stop me now.
所以今夜我们要弄清楚一些事情。我经历了过去两年里发生的一切之后，我不再相信这个世界上有所谓不可能的事情，现在想要阻止我需要付出的比这还要多。
Okay, well, honestly, it was probably going to be much more complicated than that. But I was going to try.
好的，好吧，老实说，可能比那样还要复杂得多，但是我打算试一试。
It was after dark when we reached the house. In spite of that, the meadow was bright in the light shining from every window.
天黑之后我们才到家，尽管如此，草坪被从窗户里散发出来的灯光照得明亮。
As decided as I was, I wasn’t surprised that I still felt nervous as I drove down the long path to his house — I didn’t know how to do what I was trying to do, and that guaranteed me some serious jitters. He sat in the passenger seat, fighting a smile at my slow pace. I was surprised that he hadn’t insisted on taking the wheel, but tonight he seemed content to go at my speed.
像我这样下定决心之后，当我沿着一条长长的道路向他家开去的时候，我还是感到紧张，这没有让我感到惊讶——我不知道如何去做我努力想要去做的事情，这促使我感到一阵严重的紧张不安。他坐在乘客座上，对我缓慢的车速挤出一个微笑。我很惊讶他没有坚持由他来开车，但是今晚他似乎对我的车速很满意。
As soon as I cut the engine he was at my door, opening it for me. He lifted me from the cab with one arm, slinging my bag out of the truck bed and over his shoulder with the other. His lips found mine as I heard him kick the truck’s door shut behind me.
我一熄火他就来到我的车门前为我开门，他用一只胳膊把我从驾驶室里抱了下来，把我的包抛到底座上，然后用另一只胳膊甩到他肩膀上。我听见他用脚在我身后踢上车门，他的嘴唇紧紧地贴在我的上面了。
Was the front door already open? I didn’t know. We were inside, though, and I was dizzy. I had to remind myself to breathe.
大门已经敞开了吗？我不知道。不过我们已经来到屋里，我一阵眩晕。我得提醒自己呼吸。
I began to feel cautiously optimistic. Perhaps getting what I wanted would not be as difficult as I’d expected it to be.
我开始感到很乐观，虽然还是很谨慎，或许获得我想要的东西不会像我想象的那么难。
Without breaking the kiss, he swung me up so that I was cradled in his arms and carried me into the house.
他没有停止亲吻我，轻松地使我转了个身依偎在他的臂弯里，被他抱进屋子里。
No, of course it was going to be just exactly that difficult.
不，恰恰就是那么难。
This kissing did not frighten me. It wasn’t like before when I could feel the fear and panic leaking through his control. His lips were not anxious, but enthusiastic now — he seemed as thrilled as I was that we had tonight to concentrate on being together. He continued to kiss me for several minutes, standing there in the entry; he seemed less guarded than usual, his mouth cold and urgent on mine.
这个吻没有令我感到害怕。这一次不像以前，那时候我能感觉到从他的自制力中泄露出来的害怕和恐慌。他的嘴唇没有焦急不安，现在却是热情似火——他似乎和我一样对今晚只有我们两个人感到兴奋不已。他站在门口继续吻了我几分钟，似乎不像平时那样警戒，他的唇在我的上面冰冷而急切。
“Welcome home,” he said, his eyes liquid and warm.
“欢迎回家。”他说道，眼睛潮湿而温暖。
“That sounds nice,” I said, breathless.
“听起来不错。”我喘息着说道。
He set me gently on my feet. I wrapped both my arms around him, refusing to allow any space between us.
他轻轻地让我站立起来，我用胳膊环抱着他，拒绝让我们之间存在距离。
With a low chuckle, he pulled me away, holding me at arm’s length.
他轻轻地一笑，放开我，离我有一臂之远。
“Your hand-me-down, remember? You said that was allowable.”
“你的别人用过的旧东西，还记得吗？你说过那是允许的。”
“I have something for you,” he said, his tone conversational.
“我有东西给你。”他带着谈话的语气说道。
“Okay,” I grumbled. Now that I was where I wanted to be, I could afford a little reluctance. “Let me have it.”
“好吧，”我嘟囔着说，既然我想到我想去的地方，我可以承受一点点的不情愿，“让我看看吧。”
“Oh?”
“哦？”
“Oh, that’s right. I guess I did say that.”
“哦，对的，我猜我的确这么说过。”
He was back before I’d taken a step, but I ignored him and went to the huge gold bed, plopping down on the edge and then sliding to the center. I curled up in a ball, my arms wrapped around my knees.
我还没来得及迈出一步他就回来了，但是我没理会他，径直走到那张巨大的金床边，扑通一声坐在床沿上，接着滑到床中央。我蜷缩成一团，胳膊抱住膝盖。
His bedroom? “Sure,” I agreed, feeling quite devious as I wound my fingers through his. “Let’s go.”
他的卧室？“当然，”我同意道，我们的手指交错在一起，感觉那段距离很遥远，“我们走吧。”
Edward laughed.
爱德华大笑起来。
He must have been eager to give me my non-present, because human velocity was not fast enough for him. He scooped me up again and nearly flew up the stairs to his room. He set me down at the door, and darted into his closet.
他准是迫不及待地想要给我不是礼物的礼物，因为人类的速度对他来说根本不够快。他又一把抱起我，飞也似的来到他的房间。他在门口把我放了下来，一个箭步跑到壁橱边。
He chuckled at my reluctance. “It’s up in my room. Shall I go get it?”
他对我的不情愿轻声地笑了笑：“就在楼上我房间里，我可以去拿吗？”
He climbed onto the bed to sit next to me, and my heart thumped unevenly. Hopefully he would write that off as some reaction to him giving me presents.
他爬上床坐在我旁边，我的心像小鹿一样怦怦地狂跳起来，希望他能把这当成他给我礼物的反应吧。
I examined it cautiously. On the opposite side of the chain from the wolf, there now hung a brilliant heart-shaped crystal. It was cut in a million facets, so that even in the subdued light shining from the lamp, it sparkled. I inhaled in a low gasp.
我小心翼翼地观察，在小狼手链的另一边现在挂着一个闪闪发光的心形水晶。它经过成千上万次地切割，这样即使在床头灯散发出来的昏暗光线下它仍然熠熠生辉。我深深地吸了一口气，感到惊叹不已。
“A hand-me-down,” he reminded me sternly. He pulled my left wrist away from my leg, and touched the silver bracelet for just a moment. Then he gave me my arm back.
“别人用过的旧东西。”他严肃地提醒我。他把我的左手腕从我的腿上拉开，碰了碰银色的手镯，接着放回我的胳膊。
“It was my mother’s.” He shrugged deprecatingly. “I inherited quite a few baubles like this. I’ve given some to Esme and Alice both. So, clearly, this is not a big deal in any way.”
“这是我母亲的，”他恳求地耸耸肩，“我继承了几个像这样的小玩意儿，我送了一些给埃斯梅和爱丽丝。那么，很显然，不管怎么说，这不是什么大不了的事情。”
I smiled ruefully at his assurance.
听到他宽慰的话，我愁容满面地对他笑了笑。
“You forgot the most important similarity,” I murmured. “It’s beautiful.”
“你忘记了最重要的相似性，”我低声说道，“很美丽。”
I twisted my wrist so the heart would glimmer. “Thank you. For both.”
我晃动一下手腕这样心就能发光了：“谢谢，为这两个。”
“No, thank you. It’s a relief to have you accept a gift so easily. Good practice for you, too.” He grinned, flashing his teeth.
“不，谢谢你。让你如此容易地接受礼物简直是种安慰，对你也是很好的训练。”他笑着说道，露出光洁的牙齿。
“But I thought it was a good representation,” he continued. “It’s hard and cold.” He laughed. “And it throws rainbows in the sunlight.”
“但是我想这是个很好的肖像，”他继续说道，“坚硬而冰冷。”他大笑着说，“而且在阳光下还会出现彩虹。”
“My heart is just as silent,” he mused. “And it, too, is yours.”
“我的心同样静如止水，”他打趣道，“而且，它也是属于你的。”
I leaned into him, ducking my head under his arm and cuddling into his side. It probably felt similar to snuggling with Michelangelo’s David, except that this perfect marble creature wrapped his arms around me to pull me closer.
我靠在他胸口，把头藏在他的臂弯里，和他相拥在一起。这种感觉就像依偎在米开朗琪罗的大卫身边一样熟悉，除了这尊完美的大理石生物胳膊把我抱得更紧一些。
“Can we discuss something? I’d appreciate it if you could begin by being open-minded.”
“我们讨论一件事情，好吗？如果你以开放的心态开始，我会感激不尽的。”
“What would you like to negotiate?” he asked, a smile in his voice.
“你想要就什么进行谈判呢？”他问道，语气中带着笑意。
He hesitated for a moment. “I’ll give it my best effort,” he agreed, cautious now.
他迟疑了片刻，“我会尽自己最大努力的。”他同意道，现在有些谨慎了。
I struggled, trying to find exactly the right words to open with.
我挣扎着想要找到完全合适的话来开始。
“I’m not breaking any rules here,” I promised. “This is strictly about you and me.” I cleared my throat. “So… I was impressed by how well we were able to compromise the other night. I was thinking I would like to apply the same principle to a different situation.” I wondered why I was being so formal. Must be the nerves.
“我不是要违背规则，”我保证，“严格来说这是关于你和我的，”我清了清嗓子，“那么……那天晚上我们之间能够那么好地达成妥协令我印象深刻。我在想，我想把同样的原则应用到不同的情况上面去。”我不知道为什么我开始的如此正式，肯定是因为紧张。
“Listen to your heart fly,” he murmured. “It’s fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings. Are you all right?”
“听，你的心在飞翔，”他呢喃道，“它扑通扑通地拍打着就像蜂雀的翅膀一样，你还好吗？”
It seemed like a good place to start.
似乎是开始的好机会。
“I’m great.”
“我好极了。”
“Please go on then,” he encouraged.
“那么请继续。”他鼓励道。
I hesitated. “Let’s clarify your prerequisites first.”
我犹豫了：“让我首先明确一些你的前提。”
“It’s only ridiculous to you. What about it?”
“只是对你而言很滑稽可笑，这个条件怎么样？”
“Well,” he said, and his face was calculating. “If you’re my wife, then what’s mine is yours… like tuition money. So there would be no problem with Dartmouth.”
“好吧”，他说道，流露出精明的神情，“如果你是我的妻子，那么属于我的东西也就是你的……比如学费，那么上达特茅斯就不会有问题了。”
“You know what I want.”
“你知道我想要什么。”
Edward frowned, serious now. “I’ve already made the largest concession by far and away — I’ve agreed to take your life away against my better judgment. And that ought to entitle me to a few compromises on your part.”
爱德华皱起眉头，现在变得严肃起来，“到目前为止，我已经做出了最大的让步，而且还要更多——在违背我更理智的判断力的情况下，我同意夺去你的生命，而且那样应该使我有权力获得你那边的一些让步。”
He looked at me suspiciously. “Which details do you mean exactly?”
他怀疑地看着我：“你确切指的是哪些细节？”
“Matrimony.”I made it sound like a dirty word.
“结婚。”我说这个词的时候，听起来像是在说脏话一样。
“No.” I shook my head, focusing on keeping my face composed. “That part’s a done deal. We’re not discussing my… renovations right now. I want to hammer out some other details.”
“不，”我摇摇头，集中注意力让自己的脸保持平静，“那是已经谈妥的事情。我们此刻讨论的不是我的？变革，我想努力想出一些细节。”
“I was wondering… is that open to negotiation?”
“我在想……那是否可以谈判呢？”
“Well, I guess, first, I wanted to talk to you about that whole ridiculous marriage condition thing.”
“好吧，首先，我想和你谈一谈那个滑稽可笑的结婚条件。”
“Yes.” He smiled a wide smile. “To start with.”
“是的，”他笑开了怀，“以此开始。”
The shock spoiled my carefully composed expression. “There’s more?”
震惊破坏了我小心翼翼保持的镇静：“还有更多？”
“Anything else? While you’re already being absurd?”
“还有其他的吗？尽管你现在已经很荒谬了。”
“No. No time. That’s a deal breaker right there.”
“不，没有时间了，那是违背协议的。”
I paused, staring at his hand on mine. I still didn’t know how to begin. I felt his eyes watching me and I was afraid to look up. The blood began to burn in my face.
我暂停了一会儿，盯着放在我手上的他的手，我仍然不知道如何开始。我感到他的眼睛正注视着我，我害怕抬头看，我的脸火辣辣的。
“That’s it. Unless you’d like to talk cars…”
“就是这样，除非你想要讨论汽车……”
“I wouldn’t mind some time.”
“我不介意等待一些时间。”
“I didn’t realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster yourself. I’m extremely curious.” His voice was low and soft. The slight edge would have been hard to detect if I hadn’t known it so well.
“我没意识到除了把自己变成一个魔鬼之外你还想要其他的东乒，我好奇至极。”他的声音低沉而温柔。要是我不是如此了解的话，很难察觉他声音里的紧张。
I shook my head, my lips set in a stubborn frown. “Move along to the next one.”
我摇摇头，倔强地嘟起嘴巴：“直接说下一个吧。”
“Bella.” His tone reproached me now, reminded me that it was hard for him when I kept my thoughts to myself.
“贝拉。”他现在带着责备的语气了，提醒我不向他敞开心扉让他感到非常难过。
He sighed longingly. “Just a year or two?”
他热切地感叹道：“只要一两年呢？”
I bit my lip.
我咬着嘴唇。
He grinned widely when I grimaced, then took my hand and began playing with my fingers.
我扮了个苦脸，他则笑得更开心了，接着他拉起我的手，开始玩弄我的手指头。
His cool fingers brushed my cheek. “You’re blushing?” he asked in surprise. I kept my eyes down. “Please, Bella, the suspense is painful.”
他用冰冷的手指轻轻地抚摸我的脸，“你脸红了？”他惊讶地问道。我还是低着头。“求你了，贝拉，这种悬念让人很痛苦。”
“Edward,” I said, nervous, staring at a freckle on my wrist. “There’s something that I want to do before I’m not human anymore.”
“爱德华”’我盯着我手腕上的一个色斑，紧张地说道，“在我不再是人类之前有件事情我想做。”
“All of you just seem so convinced that the only thing I’m going to be interested in, afterward, is slaughtering everyone in town,” I confessed, while he winced at my choice of words. “And I’m afraid I’ll be so preoccupied with the mayhem that I won’t be me anymore… and that I won’t… I won’t want you the same way I do now.”
“你们所有人好像都非常确信在那之后我唯一感兴趣的事情，就是杀死镇上的所有人”，我坦言道，他则对我的措辞感到畏缩，“而且我担心我会如此专注于害人，不再是我自己了……那样我就不会……我就不会像我现在这样想要你了。”
I felt his body tense, but his voice was gentle and velvet. “What has you worried?”
我感到他的身体紧张起来，但是他的声音还是很温柔，像天鹅绒一样：“什么令你担心了？”
“Bella, that part doesn’t last forever,” he assured me.
“贝拉，那种时期不会永远持续下去的。”他安慰我道。
He was missing the point.
他没有理解我话里的意思。
“Well, I’m a little worried… about after,” I admitted, finally looking at him.
“好吧，我有点儿担心……在那之后。”我终于看着他坦白道。
He waited for me to continue. I didn’t. My face was all hot.
他等待我继续说下去，但是我没有，我的脸滚烫滚烫的。
“Whatever you want,” he encouraged, anxious and completely clueless.
“无论你想要什么。”他鼓励道，神情焦急却又摸不着头脑。
“Yes,” he said. I looked up to see that his eyes were earnest and confused. “Tell me what you want, and you can have it.”
“是的，”他说道，我抬起头看见他眼中的真诚和迷惑，“只要你告诉我你想要什么，你就会拥有它的。”
“Do you promise?” I muttered, knowing my attempt to trap him with his words was not going to work, but unable to resist.
“你能保证？”我低声问，知道自己用他的话诱骗他是无济于事的，但是我还是无法抗拒。
“I’m yours.” He smiled, still oblivious, trying to hold my gaze as I looked away again.
“我是你的。”他笑道，还是不明白，当我看着别处的时候他努力看着我的眼神。
“You…” I mumbled almost incoherently.
“你……”我几乎结结巴巴地咕哝道。
He kissed me back, bewildered but willing. His lips were gentle against mine, and I could tell his mind was elsewhere — trying to figure out what was on my mind. I decided he needed a hint.
他也回吻着我，既迷惑不解，又心甘情愿。他的嘴唇温柔地贴在我的上面，我看得出他的思绪在别处——想弄明白我的脑子里在想什么，我决定给他一些暗示。
His lips froze, and I could almost hear the click in his head as he put together my words and my actions.
他的嘴唇僵在那里，当他把我的话和我的行为结合在一起理解时，我几乎能够听见他的脑袋里发出的咔嗒声。
I couldn’t believe how awkward and idiotic I felt. I was too innocent — which was, of course, central to the discussion. I didn’t have the faintest idea how to be seductive. I would just have to settle for flushed and self-conscious.
我感觉到很笨拙，很愚蠢，简直让人难以置信。我太天真了——这当然是这次讨论的中心。我对如何引诱别人毫无概念，只是傻傻地待在那里羞红了脸。
My hands were slightly shaky as I unlocked my arms from around his neck. My fingers slid down his neck to the collar of his shirt. The trembling didn’t help as I tried to hurry to undo the buttons before he stopped me.
我松开抱着他的脖子的胳膊时，我的手有些颤抖，我的指头顺着他的脖子滑到他的衣领上。颤抖无济于事，我试着赶紧在他阻止我之前解开纽扣。
He pushed me away at once, his face heavily disapproving.
他立刻把我推开，一脸的不赞成。
I took a deep breath and shifted forward so that I was kneeling on the bed. Then I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him.
我深深地吸了一口气，往前移动了一些，这样我就能跪在床上了，接着我用双臂紧紧环抱着他的脖子，开始吻他。
I took a deep breath to steady myself. And, as the anger began to fade, I felt something else.
我深呼吸让自己平静下来，而且随着愤怒逐渐消退，我察觉到别的东西。
“I say we’re not,” he said flatly.
“我说我们没有。”他坚决地说道。
While I was ranting, he pulled my hands together to restrain them in just one of his, and put his other hand over my mouth.
当我大喊大叫的时候，他把我的手拉在一起，把它们握在一只手中，用另一只手捂住我的嘴巴。
We glowered at each other.
我们怒气冲冲地彼此相对。
“You promised — whatever I wanted,” I reminded him without hope.
“你答应过的——不管我要什么。”我不抱丝毫希望提醒他道。
“Be reasonable, Bella.”
“理智一点，贝拉。”
He grabbed my wrists and pinned them to my sides.
他抓住我的手腕，紧紧地按住它们。
“I say we are,” I growled. I moved my hands to my blouse and yanked open the top button.
“我说我们是在讨论。”我低吼道，我把手移动到衬衣上，一把拉开最上面的纽扣。
“I thought it would be something faintly realistic.”
“我以为应该是某种稍微现实一点儿的事情。”
“You wanted to know,” I pointed out.
“你想要知道的。”我指出。
“No.” His face was hard.
“不。”他板着脸说道。
“So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous thing you want — like getting married — butI’m not allowed to even discuss what I –“
“那么你可以要求你想要的愚蠢而荒谬的事情——比如结婚——而我却不允许讨论我想要的——”
My teeth clamped together.
我的牙齿紧紧地咬在一起。
“We’re not having this discussion.” He glared at me while he refastened the two buttons I’d managed to open.
“我们没有讨论这样的事情。”他重新扣上我好不容易解开的纽扣，气愤地盯着我。
It took me a minute to recognize why I was staring down again, the blush returning — why my stomach felt uneasy, why there was too much moisture in my eyes, why I suddenly wanted to run from the room.
过了好一会儿我才明白过来为什么我又低下头——羞红了脸，为什么肚子一阵难受，为什么眼里那么潮湿，为什么我突然想从房间里跑出去。
Edward sighed. The hand over my mouth moved under my chin, and he pulled my face up until I had to look at him.
爱德华叹了叹气，放在我嘴巴上的手移到我的下巴下方，他托着我的脸直到我不得不看着他。
“Did I hurt your feelings?” he asked, shocked.
“我伤害了你的感情吗？”他惊讶地问道。
“Nothing,” I mumbled.
“没什么，”我喃喃自语。
He scrutinized my face for long moment while I tried unsuccessfully to twist away from his gaze. His brow furrowed, and his expression became horrified.
他久久地打量着我的脸，而我则挣扎着想要逃避他的眼神，却没成功。他的眉毛紧皱在一起，露出害怕的表情。
“You know why I have to say no,” he murmured. “You know that I want you, too.”
“你知道我必须说不，”他低声说道，“你知道我也要你。”
So quickly that I wasn’t even sure how it happened, I was in his arms, my face cradled between his shoulder and his hand, while his thumb stroked reassuringly against my cheek.
一切发生得如此之快，我甚至不明白是怎么回事，我已经躺在他的臂弯里，脸则躺在他的肩膀和手臂之间，他的大拇指轻轻地抚摸着我的脸，让我感到安慰。
Rejection washed through me, instinctive and strong.
遭到拒绝的感觉涌遍我的全身，既出于本能，又备感强烈。
“No,” I lied.
“没有。”我撒谎。
I knew it was irrational. He’d been very clear on other occasions that my safety was the only factor. Yet I’d never made myself quite so vulnerable before. I scowled at the golden comforter that matched his eyes and tried to banish the reflex reaction that told me I was unwanted and unwantable.
我知道这并不理智。在别的情况下，他曾明确地表示过我的安全是唯一的因素，然而我从来没让自己如此脆弱过。我阴沉地看着融合在他眼睛里的那抹金色的安慰剂，努力想要消除条件反射告诉我自己不被需要，自己不可要的想法。
“Of course I do, you silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl.” He laughed once, and then his voice was bleak. “Doesn’t everyone? I feel like there’s a line behind me, jockeying for position, waiting for me to make a big enough mistake… You’re too desirable for your own good.”
“我当然要，你这个傻傻的、美丽的、过于敏感的姑娘。”他又大声笑了笑，接着语气变得很冷漠，难道有人会不想要吗？我感觉身后有一条界线，千方百计地占有有利的位置，等待着我犯下一个足够大的错误……就你自身的价值而论，你是那么值得拥有。”
“What now?”
“现在又怎么啦？”
“Do you?” I whispered, my voice full of doubt.
“是吗？”我轻声地问道，语气里充满怀疑。
His eyes narrowed.
他眯起眼睛。
“Only the first is a demand.” He seemed to be having a hard time keeping a straight face. “The others are merely requests.”
“只有第一条是要求，”板着脸对他而言似乎是难事一桩，“其他的只不过是请求罢了。”
“Demand?” he interrupted, suddenly serious again.
“要求？”他打断我，突然又变得严肃起来。
“Do I have to send a petition around to get you to believe? Shall I tell you whose names would be on the top of the list? You know a few of them, but some might surprise you.”
“我得呈递请愿书，让你相信吗？我应该告诉你谁的名字排在榜首吗？你知道只有几个，但是有些可能会让你感到惊讶的。”
“Yes, demand.”
“是的，要求。”
“Getting married is a stretch for me. I’m not giving in unless I get something in return.”
“结婚对我而言是很遥远的事情，除非我得到回报，否则，我是不会屈服的。”
“Tell me if I have anything wrong.” I tried to sound detached. “Your demands are marriage” — I couldn’t say the word without making a face — “paying my tuition, more time, and you wouldn’t mind if my vehicle went a little faster.” I raised my eyebrows. “Did I get everything? That’s a hefty list.”
“如果我理解错了的话，请告诉我，”我努力装出冷漠的语气，“你的要求是结婚，”——不做鬼脸这个字眼儿我可说不出口——“给我付学费，需要更多时间，你不介意我的汽车跑得更快一些。”我挑起眉毛问道，“我得到了一切吗？那是一张沉重的清单。”
“And my lone, solitary little demand is –“
“而我唯一的、孤零零的小要求——”
“Who’s being silly now?” I doubted if awkward, self-conscious, and inept added up to desirable in anyone’s book.
“现在谁犯傻了？”我怀疑“笨拙”、“害羞”、“可笑”在任何人的理解中是否都意味着“值得拥有”。
I shook my head against his chest, grimacing. “You’re just trying to distract me. Let’s get back to the subject.”
我顶着他的胸膛摇摇头，做了个鬼脸：“你只不过是在分散我的注意力，我们还是回到之前的主题吧。”
He sighed.
他叹了叹气。
I frowned. “If I’m so far gone that I’d want to kill Charlie — that I’d drink Jacob’s blood or Angela’s if I got the chance — how can that be true?”
我皱着眉头说：“如果我失去控制甚至要杀死查理——如果有机会的话我要吸干雅各布或安吉拉的血——我又怎么可能还是我自己呢？”
He leaned down to whisper in my ear. “No,” he murmured silkily. “It’s not possible now. Later, when you’re less breakable. Be patient, Bella.”
他弯下腰在我耳边私语道，“不，”他咕哝着，声音如丝般轻柔，“现在不可能。晚些时候，当你不那么易碎的时候，耐心一点儿，贝拉。”
I ignored his attempt to sidetrack me. “But that will always be what I want most, won’t it?” I challenged. “Blood, blood, and more blood!”
我不顾他试图转移话题，坚持说道，“但是那会一直是我想要的东西，会不会？”我挑战道，血，血，更多的血！”
I tried to keep my voice firm and reasonable. “But that’s the problem. It won’t be the same when I’m less breakable. I won’t be the same! I don’t know who I’ll be then.”
我努力使自己的语气坚定而有道理：“但是那就是问题所在，当我不那么易碎的时候就不一样了。我就会不一样了！我不知道那时候我会是谁。”
“It will pass. And I doubt you’ll want to drink the dog’s blood.” He pretended to shudder at the thought. “Even as a newborn, you’ll have better taste than that.”
“这会过去的，而且我怀疑你是否想喝那条狗的血。”他装出一副害怕听到这种想法的样子，即使是新生儿，你的品味也会比这种好一些。”
“You’ll still be Bella,” he promised.
“你仍然是贝拉。”他保证道。
“The fact that you are still alive is proof that that is not true,” he pointed out.
“你仍然活着的这一事实证明那不是真的。”他指出。
“Over eighty years later,” I reminded him. “What I meant was physically, though. Intellectually, I know I’ll be able to be myself… after a while. But just purely physically — I will always be thirsty, more than anything else.”
“是过了八十年以后，”我提醒他，“不过，我的意思是身体上的。理智上，我知道过一段时间之后……我会有能力做回自己，但是仅从纯粹身体上的角度而论——我会永远饥渴，跟其他的一切相比的话。”
He didn’t answer.
他没有回答。
I twisted my head to kiss the palm of his hand.
我扭着头吻他的掌心。
He took a deep breath. I was surprised that it sounded a little unsteady.
他深深地吸了吸气，我很惊讶他的声音听起来有些动摇。
“Bella, I could kill you,” he whispered.
“贝拉，我可能会杀死你。”他轻声说道。
Something dark was in his hand; he held it up for my curious examination. It was a metal flower, one of the roses that adorned the wrought iron posts and canopy of his bed frame. His hand closed for a brief second, his fingers contracting gently, and then it opened again.
一个黑色的东西出现在他的手中，他举起来让我好奇地检查。那是一朵金属花，一朵装饰性的玫瑰花镌刻在床柱和床框的华盖的。他握在手里过了一会儿，手指轻轻地用力，接着摊开手心。
“So I will be different,” I concluded unopposed. “Because right now, physically, there’s nothing I want more than you. More than food or water or oxygen. Intellectually, I have my priorities in a slightly more sensible order. But physically…”
“那么我会不一样，”我不容反对地下结论道，“因为此刻，身体上，除了你，我什么都不想要，超过食物、水或者氧气。理智上，我优先考虑的对象还是有先后顺序、符合理性的，但是身体上……”
“I don’t think you could.”
“我认为你不会。”
Without a word, he offered me the crushed, uneven lump of black metal. It was a cast of the inside of his hand, like a piece of play dough squeezed in a child’s fist. A half-second passed, and the shape crumbled into black sand in his palm.
他一句话都没说，让我看看参差不齐的黑色金属碎片。那是他手掌内侧的铸件，就像捏小孩子拳头里的玩具面团一样。只过了半秒钟，这个形状在他的手掌中挤压成黑色的沙砾。
Edward’s eyes tightened. He lifted his hand from my face and reached quickly behind himself for something I couldn’t see. There was a muffled snapping sound, and the bed quivered beneath us.
爱德华的眼睛绷得更紧了，他从我脸下抬起手，迅速地伸向他身后我看不见的东西上。突然晌起一阵模糊不清的噼啪声，床在我们身下颤抖起来。
I glared. “That’s not what I meant. I already know how strong you are. You didn’t have to break the furniture.”
我生气地盯着他：“那不是我想要表达的意思。我已经知道你有多么大的力气了，你没必要弄坏家具。”
“It might not work like that, Bella.”
“可能不是那么回事哦，贝拉。”
“What did you mean then?” he asked in a dark voice, tossing the handful of iron sand to the corner of the room; it hit the wall with a sound like rain.
“那么你是什么意思呢？”他语气阴沉地问道，把手中的一把铁沙扔进屋角，像雨点般地撞在墙上，发出哗啦啦的声音。
His eyes were intent on my face as I struggled to explain. “Obviously not that you aren’t physically able hurt me, if you wanted to… More that, you don’t want to hurt me… so much so that I don’t think that you ever could.”
他目不转睛地看着我的脸，我则绞尽脑汁地解释：“很显然，并不是你无法在身体上伤害我，如果你想的话……更重要的是，你不想伤害我……你非常不想伤害我，所以我认为你永远都不会这么做。”
He started shaking his head before I was done.
我还没说完他就开始摇头了。
“Exactly. Do you imagine I would ever take that kind of risk with you?”
“千真万确，你想过我会在你身上冒那样的险吗？”
“Might,” I scoffed. “You have no more idea what you’re talking about than I do.”
“可能，”我嘲笑道，“你不知道你在说什么，就和我差不多。”
“Please,” I finally whispered, hopeless. “It’s all I want. Please.” I closed my eyes in defeat, waiting for the quick and final no.
“求你了，”我最后低声说道，心中不抱任何希望，“这就是我想要的一切，求你了。”我挫败地闭上眼睛，等待着斩钉截铁的“不”字。
But he didn’t answer immediately. I hesitated in disbelief, stunned to hear that his breathing was uneven again.
但是他并没有立即回答。我难以置信地犹豫起来，不知所措地听见他的呼吸再次变得急促起来。
I stared into his eyes for a long minute. There was no sign of compromise, no hint of indecision in them.
我久久地凝视着他的眼睛，没有妥协的迹象，没有犹豫不决的线索。
His icy arms tightened around me, and his lips were at my ear; his cool breath made me shiver. “This is unbearable. So many things I’ve wanted to give you — and this is what you decide to demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?”
他冰冷的胳膊把我抱得更紧了，嘴唇贴在我的耳边；他呼出的凉爽空气让我一阵颤抖，这简直难以忍受，那么多我一直想要给你的东西——这就是你决定要求的东西。你知不知道当你像这样恳求我的时候，想要拒绝你有多么痛苦吗？”
“Please?” I whispered again, my heartbeat picking up speed. My words tumbled out as I rushed to take advantage of the sudden uncertainty in his eyes. “You don’t have to make me any guarantees. If it doesn’t work out right, well, then that’s that. Just let us try… only try. And I’ll give you what you want,” I promised rashly. “I’ll marry you. I’ll let you pay for Dartmouth, and I won’t complain about the bribe to get me in. You can even buy me a fast car if that makes you happy! Just… please.”
“求你了！”我再次轻声祈求道，我的心跳越来越快，我急急忙忙利用他眼中犹豫不决的神情，结结巴巴地冒出几句话，“你不必对我作任何保证。如果这样做不行，好吧，那么就那样。我们只是试一试……只是试一试，而且我会给你你想要的，”我轻率地允诺道，“我会嫁给你，我会让你付达特茅斯的学费，而且我也不会抱怨通过贿赂让我去那里。你甚至可以给我买一辆快一点儿的汽车，如果那样让你高兴的话！只是……求你了。”
“Then don’t refuse,” I suggested breathlessly.
“那么就别拒绝。”我气喘吁吁地建议道。
I opened my eyes, and his face was torn.
我睁开眼睛，看见他难过的脸。
He didn’t respond.
他没有回答。
“Please,” I tried again.
“求你了。”我又试了试。
“Bella…” He shook his head slowly, but it didn’t feel like a denial as his face, his lips, moved back and forth across my throat. It felt more like surrender. My heart, racing already, spluttered frantically.
“贝拉……”他慢慢地摇着头，但是感觉不像是拒绝了，他的脸，他的唇来回地在我的喉咙下方移动，感觉更像是投降。我的心早已经怦怦直跳了，现在更加疯狂地扑腾起来。
He didn’t stop kissing me. I was the one who had to break away, gasping for air. Even then his lips did not leave my skin, they just moved to my throat. The thrill of victory was a strange high; it made me feel powerful. Brave. My hands weren’t unsteady now; I got through with the buttons on his shirt this time easily, and my fingers traced the perfect planes of his icy chest. He was too beautiful. What was the word he’d used just now? Unbearable — that was it. His beauty was too much to bear…
他没有停止吻我，我才是那个不得不暂停下来大口吸气的人。即使那时候他的嘴唇也没有从我的皮肤上移开，它们只是移到我的喉咙那里去了。胜利的颤动是一种枣怪的兴奋；这使我感到很强大，勇敢。我的手现在也在颤抖了，这一次我轻而易举地就解开了他衬衣上的纽扣，我的手指在他冰冷的胸膛上摸索，他太美丽了。刚才他用的是个什么词来着？难以忍受——对，就是这个词，他太美丽了让人难以忍受……
Again, I took what advantage I could. When his face turned toward mine with the slow movement of his indecision, I twisted quickly in his arms till my lips reached his. His hands seized my face, and I thought he was going to push me away again.
我又利用了我能占的便宜，当他犹豫不决地慢慢把脸转向我的时候，我迅速地在他的怀抱里翻了个身直到我的嘴唇碰到他的。他用手捧住我的脸，我以为他又要把我推开了。
I was wrong.
我错了。
I pulled his mouth back to mine, and he seemed just as eager as I was. One of his hands still cupped my face, his other arm was tight around my waist, straining me closer to him. It made it slightly more difficult as I tried to reach the front of my shirt, but not impossible.
我把他的嘴唇拉回到我的上面，他似乎和我一样渴望。他的一只手仍然捧着我的脸，另一胳膊则紧紧地搂着我的腰，紧紧地把我向他拉近。这使我难以把手伸向我的前襟，但也不是没有可能。
His mouth was not gentle; there was a brand-new edge of conflict and desperation in the way his lips moved. I locked my arms around his neck, and, to my suddenly overheated skin, his body felt colder than ever. I trembled, but it was not from the chill.
他的嘴巴并不温柔，他嘴唇移动的方式反应出一种挣扎和绝望的急迫感。我紧紧地环抱住他的脖子，靠在我突然变得炙热的皮肤上，他的身体比以前更冰冷了。我颤抖起来，但是并不是因为寒战。
“I wasn’t born yesterday.” He chuckled in my ear. “Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing, but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won’t go running off to Carlisle in the morning? I am — clearly — much less reluctant to give you what you want. Therefore… you first.”
“我又不是昨天才出生的，”他在我耳边轻声笑道，“在我们两个人之间，你认为哪一个更不愿意满足对方想要的？你刚刚答应过我在你做任何改变之前你会嫁给我，要是我今晚就屈服的话，我还有什么能保证你早上不跑到卡莱尔那里去呢？我——显而易见——没有你那么不情愿给你你想要的。因此……首先你要。”
“Not tonight,” he answered softly. His lips were slower now against my cheek and jaw, all the urgency gone.
“今晚不要。”他轻轻地回答道。他的嘴唇贴在我的脸颊上，我的下巴上，这一次要慢一些，所有的紧迫都消失不见了。
“Do you want to do that part?” I asked, confused.
“你想自己来吗？”我迷惑不解地问道。
His lips were at my ear again. “Bella,” he murmured, his voice warm and velvet. “Would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?”
他的嘴唇又贴在我耳侧了，“贝拉，”他轻声说道，声音温暖，像天鹅绒一般温柔，“求你停止试图脱衣服好吗？”
Cold iron fetters locked around my wrists, and pulled my hands above my head, which was suddenly on a pillow.
冰冷的铁镣紧紧地扣住了我的手腕，把手举到我的头顶上，我的头突然躺在了枕头上。
“Edward, don’t –” I started to argue.
“爱德华，不——”我开始争辩。
“I’m not saying no,” he reassured me. “I’m just saying not tonight.”
“我不是在说不，”他宽慰我，“我只是在说今晚不要。”
I thought about that while my breathing slowed. “Give me one good reason why tonight is not as good as any other night.” I was still breathless; it made the frustration in my voice less impressive.
等我的呼吸慢慢平缓下来之后，我开始仔细思考他所说的话：“给我个充分的理由，为什么今晚不如其他晚上合适。”我还是气喘吁吁的，这使得我声音里的挫败不安不那么明显了。
“Are you?” he pressed.
“是吗？”他追问道。
His arms wrapped around me, and he began kissing me in a way that should be illegal. Too persuasive — it was duress, coercion. I tried to keep a clear head… and failed quickly and absolutely.
他的胳膊环抱着我，开始以一种犯规的方式吻着我。太具有说服力了——这是强迫，是威压。我想保持清醒的头脑……很快就完全陷落了。
I groaned again.
我又呻吟起来。
“How did this happen?” I grumbled. “I thought I was holding my own tonight — for once — and now, all of a sudden –“
“这到底是怎么回事？”我愤愤不平地说道，“我以为今天晚上我坚持住了——只有这一次——而现在，突然间——”
“I think that’s a really bad idea,” I gasped when he let me breathe.
“我认为那真的是个坏主意。”他放开我让我呼吸的时候，我气喘喘地说道。
“Ew! Please don’t say that out loud.”
“哟！求你别那么大声地说出来。”
“I’m not surprised you feel that way.” He smirked. “You have a one-track mind.”
“你那么觉得我并不惊讶，”他得意地笑道，“你是一根筋。”
“You’re engaged,” he finished.
“你订婚了。”他替我说完了。
“That’s the deal — take it or leave it. Compromise, remember?”
“就这么办——要么接受，要么放弃。妥协，还记得吗？”
I glared at him, trying to ignore the way his smile made my heart react.
我愤怒地盯着他，尽力忽略他的微笑在我心中激起的反应。
“Are you going back on your word?” he demanded. He pulled away to read my face. His expression was entertained. He was having fun.
“你要食言吗？”他追问道，然后离我远一些好读懂我脸上的表情。他一副饶有兴致的表情，觉得很有意思。
“Ugh!” I groaned. “No. I’m not. Are you happy now?”
“啊！”我呻吟着说，“不，我不会，你现在开心了吧？”
I exhaled with a loud huff. “I have to marry you first?” I asked in disbelief.
我大声地喷出一口气，“我得先嫁给你？”我不相信地问道。
His smile was blinding. “Exceptionally.”
他的笑容使我迷失：“超乎寻常。”
“Not tonight,” he said again.
“今晚不行。”他又说道。
He kissed me another time. “Do you get the feeling that everything is backward?” he laughed in my ear. “Traditionally, shouldn’t you be arguing my side, and I yours?”
他又吻了我一次，“你有一切都逆转过来的感觉吗？”他在我耳边大声笑道，“就传统意义上而言，你不应该和我争辩，我也不应该和你争辩吗？”
“What I’m saying is this — I’m not going to trick you or anything. You know me better than that. So there’s really no reason to wait. We’re completely alone — how often does that happen? — and you’ve provided this very large and comfortable bed…”
“我在说的是这——我不打算欺骗你，或诸如此类的事情。你了解我不会那么做，所以真的没有什么等待的理由。现在完全只有我们俩——这种事情多久才发生一次呢？——而且你还准备了这么舒服的一张大床……”
“True.”
“正确。”
He kissed me again, and kept going until my heart was racing and my skin was flushed.
他又吻了我，一直吻到我心跳加速，皮肤发烧。
“There isn’t much that’s traditional about you and me.”
“你和我之间可没什么传统意义可言。”
“Look, Edward,” I murmured, my voice wheedling, when he paused to kiss the palm of my hand. “I said I would marry you, and I will. I promise. I swear. If you want, I’ll sign a contract in my own blood.”
“瞧，爱德华，”当他暂时停下来吻我的手心时，我低声说道，声音中有些哄骗的意味，“我说过我会嫁给你的，而且我会，我保证，我发誓。如果你想的话，我会用我自己的血签约。”
He kissed me again before I could answer. Another too-persuasive kiss.
他不等我回答又开始吻我，另一个过于具有说服力的吻。
“Aren’t you happy at all?”
“难道你一点儿都不开心吗？”
“Not funny,” he murmured against the inside of my wrist.
“没意思。”他在我手腕内侧低声咕哝道。
“A little bit,” I admitted when I could speak. “But not about getting married.”
“有一点点，”能开口说话的时候我承认道，“但是不是因为要结婚。”
“Then what’s the problem? It’s not like you didn’t know you were going to win in the end.” I frowned and muttered, “You always win.”
“那么有什么问题呢？你并不是不知道最后你还是会赢的，”我皱着眉头咕哝道，“你一直都是赢家。”
“Don’t you trust me?”
“难道你不信任我吗？”
“Of course I do.”
“我当然信任。”
“There’s something else,” I guessed, my eyes narrowing. There was a defensiveness about his face, a faint hint of some secret motive he was trying to hide behind his casual manner. “Are you planning to go back on your word?”
“还有别的事情，”我猜测，我的眼睛眯了起来，他的脸上有种防卫的表情，模模糊糊地暗示着在他漫不经心的举止背后隐藏着某种不为人知的动机，“你打算食言吗？”
“Just hedging my bets,” he said calmly.
“只是为我的赌注保值。”他平静地说道。
Using the hand that he was still kissing, I pulled his face back up to where I could see his expression.
我用那只他仍在亲吻的手把他的脸拉回到我能看清楚他的表情的位置。
I shook my head, and laughed glumly. “You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama — twirling my mustache while I try to steal some poor girl’s virtue.”
我摇摇头，闷闷不乐地大笑着说，“你使我看起来像情节剧中的恶棍——捻弄着胡须，想要偷走某个可怜姑娘的贞洁一样。”
“No,” he promised solemnly. “I swear to you, we will try. After you marry me.”
“不，”他严肃地允诺道，“我向你发誓，我们会试一试的，在你嫁给我以后。”
“That’s it, isn’t it?” The short laugh that escaped me was more shocked than amused. “You’re trying to protect your virtue!” I covered my mouth with my hand to muffle the giggle that followed. The words were so… old-fashioned.
“就是这样，是不是？”从我口里泄露出来的短促笑声与其说是好玩还不如说是震惊，你在保护你的贞洁？”我用手捂住嘴巴，想要压低随之而来的咯咯的笑声，这些话如此……老派。
His eyes were wary as they flashed across my face, then he quickly ducked down to press his lips against my collarbone.
他的眼睛从我脸上扫过，流露出谨慎的神情，接着他迅速地低下头，嘴唇紧紧地压在我的锁骨上。
“It couldn’t hurt.” He shrugged. “Just in case.”
“没什么损害，”他耸耸肩，“只是万一的话。”
“Let me ask you something,” he interrupted quickly. “We’ve had this discussion before, but humor me. How many people in this room have a soul? A shot at heaven, or whatever there is after this life?”
“让我问问你，”他迅速地打断我，“我们以前有过这样的讨论，不过，照我说，这个房间里有多少人有灵魂？成功地进天堂，或者这种生命之后还有其他什么吗？”
“No, it isn’t,” I argued angrily.
“不，还不迟。”我生气地辩驳道。
He shrugged. “Maybe that counts, maybe it doesn’t. But you haven’t killed anyone –“
他耸耸肩：“或许那也算，或许不算，但是你还没有杀过人——”
“Now, of course, it might be too late for me, even if you are right about my soul.”
“现在，当然，可能对我来说已经太迟了，即使你关于我灵魂的观点是对的。”
“Of all the ridiculous –“
“一切荒唐的——”
“All right. Maybe that’s true. Now, there’s a world full of dissension about this, but the vast majority seem to think that there are some rules that have to be followed.”
“好吧，或许这是真的。现在，有个世界对此充满了争议，但是多数人似乎认为有些不得不遵守的规则。”
I glared at him through narrowed eyes.
我眯着眼睛狠狠地看着他。
“Vampire rules aren’t enough for you? You want to worry about the human ones too?”
“吸血鬼的规则难道对你来说还不够吗？你还要担心人类的规则？”
“Only the bad ones.”
“只是坏人。”
“‘Thou shalt not kill’is commonly accepted by most major belief systems. And I’ve killed a lot of people, Bella.”
“‘不可杀人’是为大多数信仰机制所广泛接受的，而我杀死了许多人，贝拉。”
“Two,” I answered immediately, my voice fierce.
“两者都有。”我立即回答道，声音很坚定。
“No, silly girl,” he muttered against my shoulder. “I’m trying to protect yours. And you’re making it shockingly difficult.”
“不，傻姑娘！”他靠在我的肩膀上低声说道，“我在保护你的，而你却使其变得非常困难。”
“Okay. But we weren’t fighting over committing murder,” I reminded him.
“好吧，但是我们不是在争论谋杀的事情。”我提醒他。
“One?”
“一条？”
“The same principle applies — the only difference is that this is the one area in which I’m just as spotless as you are. Can’t I leave one rule unbroken?”
“同样的原则也适用——唯一的区别在于这是我和你一样白璧无瑕的地方，难道我就不能保留一条规则不被违背吗？”
“Yes, but you’re such a bad liar that it doesn’t really count. Nobody believes you.”
“是的，但是你那么不会撒谎，以至于那不算数，没有人相信你撒的谎。”
“I lie all the time.”
“我一直都在撒谎。”
“I really hope you’re wrong about that — because otherwise Charlie is about to burst through the door with a loaded gun.”
“我真的希望在这一点上你是错误的——因为要不然的话查理就会荷枪实弹地冲出门来。”
“Charlie is happier when he pretends to swallow your stories. He’d rather lie to himself than look too closely.” He grinned at me.
“查理假装不懂你编造的故事，这样他会更高兴一些，他宁愿自欺欺人也不愿仔细观察。”他冲我笑道。
He smiled, but otherwise ignored the interruption. “And I’m going to do my best to keep you out of temptation’s way.”
他微微一笑，但是没理会我插的话：“我打算尽最大努力使你不要走上受诱惑的道路。”
“But what did you ever covet?” I asked doubtfully. “You have everything.”
“但是你曾贪恋过什么？”我怀疑地问道，“你拥有一切。”
“I coveted you.” His smile darkened. “I had no right to want you — but I reached out and took you anyway. And now look what’s become of you! Trying to seduce a vampire.” He shook his head in mock horror.
“我贪恋你，”他的微笑阴沉了一些，“我没有权利要你——但是，无论如何，我还是伸手去要你了。现在看看你变成什么了！想要诱惑吸血鬼。”他佯装恐怖地摇摇头。
“You know that I’ve stolen, I’ve lied, I’ve coveted… my virtue is all I have left.” He grinned crookedly.
“你知道我偷窃，我撒谎，我贪恋……我的美德是我抛弃的一切。”他不老实地露齿一笑。
“That you know about,” I muttered.
“你倒是很了解这一点。”我低声说道。
“You know this will speed things up,” I accused.
“你知道这样会使事情进展加速的。”我责备道。
“Sounds simple enough. Why didn’t I think of that?”
“听起来够容易的啦，为什么我没想到呢？”
“You can’t make me go somewhere you won’t be,” I vowed. “That’s my definition of hell. Anyway, I have an easy solution to all this: let’s never die, all right?”
“你不能让我去你不会去的地方”我信誓旦旦地说，“那是我对地狱的定义。不管怎样，我对所有的这些有一个简单的解决办法：让我们永远都不会死，好吗？”
“You can covet what’s already yours,” I informed him. “Besides, I thought it was my virtue you were worried about.”
“你不能贪恋你已经拥有的东西，”我告诉他，“此外，我认为我的贞洁才是你所担心的。”
“I think you have an ulterior motive.”
“我想你有个隐蔽的动机。”
“But, other than that detail, yes, you’ve got it right.”
“不过，不是那么具体，是的，你理解得很正确。”
“It is. If it’s too late for me… Well, I’ll be damned — no pun intended — if I’ll let them keep you out, too.”
“是的。如果对我而言太晚了……好吧，我会遭到谴责的——没有双关的意思——如果我也让他们不让你受到诱惑。”
I rolled my eyes. “Very mature, Edward.”
我转了转眼珠子：“非常成熟，爱德华。”
He tried not to smile. “There is only one thing I want to speed up, and the rest can wait forever… but for that, it’s true, your impatient human hormones are my most powerful ally at this point.”
他试着不要笑起来：“只有一件事情我想加速，其他的我可以永远等……要不是那样的话，你急不可耐的人类激素实际上是我最强大的盟友。”
His eyes widened innocently. “Another one?”
他天真地睁大眼睛：“另一个？”
He smiled at me until I gave up with an angry humph. “So that’s it. You won’t sleep with me until we’re married.”
他微笑着看着我，直到哼哼唧唧地我放弃了。“那么就这样吧，在我们结婚之前你不会跟我上床。”
“Technically, I can’t ever sleep with you.”
“就技术层面而言，我永远都无法和你上床。”
And then, maybe it wouldn’t bug me so much if I hadn’t been raised to shudder at the thought of marriage.
接着，或许这不会令我如此苦恼，如果我不是在害怕结婚的念头的熏陶下长大的话。
“I can’t believe I’m going along with this. When I think of Charlie… and Renee! Can you imagine what Angela will think? Or Jessica? Ugh. I can hear the gossip now.”
“我不敢相信我会接受这样，我一想到查理……和蕾妮！你能想象安吉拉会怎么想吗？还有杰西卡？啊，我现在都能听见流言飞语了。”
Edward interrupted my fretting. “It doesn’t have to be a big production. I don’t need any fanfare. You won’t have to tell anyone or make any changes. We’ll go to Vegas — you can wear old jeans and we’ll go to the chapel with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official — that you belong to me and no one else.”
爱德华打断了我的烦躁不安：“不必是个大手笔，我不需要任何铺张。你不必告诉任何人，或者做任何改变。我们会去维加斯——你可以穿上旧的牛仔裤，我们会通过免下车窗口径直去小礼堂。我只是想正式点儿——你属于我，而不是别人。”
Maybe it wouldn’t bug me so much if I didn’t know that I would probably be gossiping just as condescendingly as the rest of them if it was someone else getting married this summer.
或许这不会令我如此苦恼，我不知道我是否会和其他人一样带着优越感跟别人闲聊，如果这个夏天是别人结婚的话。
Gah. Married this summer! I shuddered.
嗨，这个夏天结婚了！我不禁一颤。
He raised one eyebrow at me, and I knew why. What did it matter what they said about me when I leaving soon and not coming back? Was I really so oversensitive that I couldn’t bear a few weeks of sidelong glances and leading questions?
他挑起眉毛看着我，我知道为什么。当我马上就要离开，再也不回来的时候，他们说我什么又有什么关系呢？我真的过于敏感了，不能忍受几个星期一边倒的眼光以及诱导性的问题吗？
“You’re unbelievable.”
“你简直让人难以置信。”
He laughed at my expression. “That’s fine. I’ll get it on your finger soon enough.”
他看着我的表情大笑起来：“好吧，我不久之后就会让它戴在你的手指上的。”
I glared at him. “You talk like you already have one.”
我生气地看着他：“说起来就好像你已经有一个了似的。”
I had to swallow before I could speak. “You suppose correctly.”
在我开口说话之前，我得吞下口水弄明白：“你猜得很正确。”
He shook his head. “No.”
他摇摇头：“不。”
“I do,” he said, unashamed. “Ready to force upon you at the first sign of weakness.”
“我的确有，”他毫不知耻地说道，“我已经准备好了，一看到你有松口的迹象就硬戴在你手上。”
“No!” I almost shouted, a reflex reaction. I regretted it at once. His face fell ever so slightly. “Unless you really want to show it to me,” I amended. I gritted my teeth together to keep my illogical terror from showing.
“不！”我几乎是叫出来的，那是条件反射，我立刻感到后悔了，他的脸稍稍拉长了一些，“除非你真的很想给我看。”我补充道，我咬紧牙关不让不合逻辑的恐惧感表现出来。
I sighed. “Show me the damn ring, Edward.”
我叹气道：“给我看看那该死的戒指，爱德华。”
“We’ll see about that.” He smiled complacently. “I suppose you don’t want your ring now?”
“我们查询一下，”他沾沾自喜地笑道，“我猜你现在不想戴戒指吧？”
I studied his expression for a long minute.
我端详着他的表情，看了很久。
“That’s all right,” he shrugged. “It can wait.”
“好吧，”他耸耸肩，“它可以等的。”
“Do you want to see it?” he asked. His liquid topaz eyes were suddenly shining with excitement.
“你想看一看吗？”他问道，明亮的琥珀色眼睛突然流露出兴奋的光芒。
“It couldn’t be any more official than it already is,” I grumbled. But his description didn’t sound that bad. Only Alice would be disappointed.
“不可能比既成事实更加正式的啦。”我不满地嘟囔道。不过他的描述也没有那么糟糕，只有爱丽丝会失望罢了。
It was harder than it should have been to pick up the inoffensive little box, but I didn’t want to hurt him again, so I tried to keep my hand from shaking. The surface was smooth with black satin. I brushed my fingers over it, hesitating.
拿起这个让人并不讨厌的小盒子实际上更困难，但是我不想再伤害他了，所以我尽力让自己的手不要颤抖。盒子很光滑，上面有黑色绒面，我用手指轻轻地摩挲着它，有些犹豫。
“Go ahead and look, then,” he said brusquely.
“那么开始吧，看一看。”他唐突地说道。
“You didn’t spend a lot of money, did you? Lie to me, if you did.”
“你没有花很多钱，是不是？如果你花了很多钱的话，对我撒谎吧。”
“Please?” I asked quietly, experimenting with my newly discovered weapon. I touched his face lightly with the tips of my fingers. “Please can I see it?”
“求你了？”我平静地问道，用我刚刚发现的武器做实验，我用手指尖轻轻地抚摸他的脸，“我能看一看吗，求你了？”
“I didn’t spend anything,” he assured me. “It’s just another hand-me-down. This is the ring my father gave to my mother.”
“我没有花一个子儿，”他宽慰我说，“只是另一个别人用过的旧东西，这是我父亲给我母亲的戒指。”
“Oh.” Surprise colored my voice. I pinched the lid between my thumb and forefinger, but didn’t open it.
“哦。”我的语气变成了惊讶。我用大拇指和食指捏住盖子，不过没有打开它。
His eyes narrowed. “You are the most dangerous creature I’ve ever met,” he muttered. But he got up and moved with unconscious grace to kneel next to the small bedside table. He was back on the bed with me in an instant, sitting beside me with one arm around my shoulder. In his other hand was a little black box. He balanced it on my left knee.
他的眼睛眯了起来，“你是我见过的最危险的生物。”他低声说道，但是他站了起来，带着不自觉地优雅走过去，在小小的床头柜边上跪了下来。不一会儿他就回到床上，一只胳膊搂着我的肩膀，和我肩并肩地坐在一起。另一只手上拿着一个小黑盒子，他平稳地放在我的左膝盖上。
My left hand clenched into a fist.
我的左手紧紧地握成拳头。
“Bella,” he sighed. “I’m not going to solder it to your finger. Just try it on so I can see if it needs to be sized. Then you can take it right off.”
“贝拉，”他感叹道，“我不打算把它焊接在你的手指上，只不过试一试看是否需要改一改尺寸，之后你就可以马上把它取下来。”
I reached for the ring, but his long fingers beat me there. He took my left hand in his, and slid the ring into place on my third finger. He held my hand out, and we both examined the oval sparkling against my skin. It wasn’t quite as awful as I’d feared, having it there.
我伸手去拿戒指，但是他的长指头在那里和我的相遇。他把我的左手放在他的掌心，把戒指滑进去戴在中指上。他让我的手伸直，我们两个人都仔细地打量着在我皮肤上闪闪发光的椭圆形。戴着它，没有我害怕的那样糟糕。
Unthinkingly, I stroked the shimmering gems.
想都没想，我就轻轻地抚摸着闪闪发光的宝石。
“Fine,” I grumbled.
“好吧。”我嘟囔道。
“It’s so pretty, ” I murmured to myself, surprised.
“它好漂亮。”我惊叹地自言自语道。
“I like old-fashioned things,” I mumbled as I hesitantly lifted the lid.
“我喜欢过时的东西。”我低声说道，犹豫不决地拉开盖子。
He chuckled. “See if it fits.”
他轻声笑道：“看看合不合适。”
“I supposed it’s a little outdated.” His tone was playfully apologetic. “Old-fashioned, just like me. I can get you something more modern. Something from Tiffany’s?”
“我想有些过时了，”他的语气里略带一些开玩笑似的歉意，“过时了，就像我一样。我可以给你买些更时髦的东西，蒂芙尼的东西吗？”
“It’s beautiful.” I shrugged, feigning a lack of interest. “What’s not to like?”
“很美丽，”我耸耸肩，装出没兴趣的样子，“哪些才是不讨人喜欢的东西呢？”
“Do you like it?”
“你喜欢它吗？”
Nestled into the black satin, Elizabeth Masen’s ring sparkled in the dim light. The face was a long oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was gold — delicate and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the diamonds. I’d never seen anything like it.
偎依在黑色绒面里面的是一枚伊丽莎白·梅森戒指，在昏暗的灯光下熠熠生辉。正面是一个长长的椭圆形，周围镶嵌着几排斜着排列的闪闪发光的圆石头。戒指圈是金质的——精致而细巧，金子在钻石周围形成一个易碎的网，我从未见过这样的东西。
He shrugged his shoulders. “Sure,” he said, still casual. “It looks very nice on you.”
他耸了耸肩。“当然，”他说，还是很随意。你穿起来很好看。”
“You like that, don’t you?” I asked suspiciously, fluttering my fingers and thinking that it was really too bad that I had not broken my left hand.
“你喜欢它，对不对？”我怀疑地问道，急躁不安地敲打着我的手指头，想到我没有弄伤左手真是太糟糕了。
Before I could catch that breath, he was kissing me, his lips exultant. I was lightheaded when he moved his mouth to whisper in my ear — but his breathing was just as ragged as mine.
我还没来得及吸气，他就在吻我了，他的嘴唇带着狂喜。当他的嘴唇移到我耳边轻轻地私语的时候，我感到一阵眩晕——不过，他的呼吸和我一样粗，一样乱。
I could hear some strong emotion burning under the casual tone of his voice, and I stared up at his face. It was there in his eyes, too, visible despite the careful nonchalance of his expression.
我能听见他漫不经心的语气背后某种强烈的感情正在燃烧，我抬起头凝视着他的脸。他的眼里也有，尽管他小心翼翼地装出冷漠的样子，但是还是清晰可见。
I stared into his eyes, trying to decipher the emotion that smoldered just under the surface. He gazed back, and the casual pretense suddenly slipped away. He was glowing — his angel’s face brilliant with joy and victory. He was so glorious that it knocked me breathless.
我盯着他的眼睛，想要读懂被他压抑住的感情。他也凝视着我，漫不经心的伪装突然溜走了。他脸上洋溢着幸福——他天使般的脸庞洋溢着欢喜和胜利。他那么容光焕发，使我顿时屏住呼吸。
“A perfect fit,” he said indifferently. “That’s nice — saves me a trip to the jeweler’s.”
“正好合适，”他漠不关心地说道，“真好——使我不必跑到珠宝店去了。”
“Yes, I like it. You have no idea.”
“是的，我喜欢，你根本不知道我有多喜欢。”
I laughed, gasping a little. “I believe you.”
我大笑起来，有些喘着气：“我相信你。”
But he let me go and slid away.
但是他松开了我，滑到一边。
“Oh, no,” I gasped as he slid down onto one knee.
“噢，不要。”他单膝下跪的时候我大吃一惊。
“Anything but that,” I complained.
“除了那样，什么都可以。”我抱怨道。
“Isabella Swan?” He looked up at me through his impossibly long lashes, his golden eyes soft but, somehow, still scorching. “I promise to love you forever — every single day of forever. Will you marry me?”
“伊莎贝拉·斯旺？”他透过长得令人不可思议的睫毛抬头看着我，他的金色眼眸很温柔，但是，不知道何故，仍然很灼热，“我发誓永远爱你——每一天，永远，你愿意嫁给我吗？”
There were many things I wanted to say, some of them not nice at all, and others more disgustingly gooey and romantic than he probably dreamed I was capable of. Rather than embarrass myself with either, I whispered, “Yes.”
我有很多话想说，有一些一点儿也不中听，还有一些比他可能梦想我能做到的还要令人作呕，还要肉麻，还要浪漫。我没有说这两种令我尴尬难堪的话，相反我轻声低语道：“我愿意。”
“Anything you want.”
“你想要什么都可以。”
“Thank you,” he said simply. He took my left hand and kissed each of my fingertips before he kissed the ring that was now mine.
“谢谢你。”他率直地说道。他握住我的左手，一个个吻了我的指尖，然后吻了现在属于我的戒指。
“Now, I want to do this right. Please, please, keep in mind that you’ve already agreed to this, and don’t ruin it for me.”
“现在，我想正确地做这件事。求你，求你，记住你已经同意了的，为了我别毁了这一切。”
“Be nice,” he muttered.
“态度好一点儿。”他低声说道。
I took a deep breath.
我深深地吸了一口气。
He ignored me, taking my hand and pulling me off the bed, too. He stood in front of me, hands on my shoulders, face serious.
他没理会我，拉起我的手，也把我拉下了床。他站在我面前，双手放在我的肩膀上，一脸认真。
“Do you mind if I do something?” he murmured, his arms tightening around me.
“你介意我做些什么吗？”他咕哝着，胳膊把我抱得更紧了。
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