“Mmm,” I sighed in assent. “Have there been a lot of false alarms?”
“嗯，”我认可地感叹道，“有很多错误的警报吗？”
Edward carried me home in his arms, expecting that I wouldn’t be able to hang on. I must have fallen asleep on the way.
爱德华把我抱在怀里回到家，期望我不要硬撑着了，我肯定是在半路上就睡着了。
“Are you really awake this time?” he murmured.
“这次你真的醒了吗？”他小声地问道。
“Edward?” I mumbled.
“爱德华？”我喃喃自语道。
He held my hand on the way to the kitchen, eyeing me carefully, like I might fall over. Or maybe he thought I was sleepwalking.
去厨房的路上他一直牵着我的手，仔细地打量着我，就像我可能会摔倒一样，或许他认为我是在梦游。
I yawned and stretched, my fingers searching for him and coming up empty.
我打了个哈欠，伸了个懒腰，用手指搜寻他，结果什么也没摸到。
My seeking fingers encountered something cool and smooth. His hand.
我来回摸索的手指头遇到冰冷而光滑的东西，是他的手。
“All day?” I blinked and looked at the windows again.
“一整天？”我眨了眨眼睛，又看着窗户。
“I’ll get it,” I groaned, stretching again. “I need to get up and move around.”
“我去做，”我呻吟着说道，又伸了伸懒腰，“我需要站起来，四处走动走动。”
I sat up, and my head spun. The light was coming in my window from the west. “Wow.”
我坐起来，头晕，透过窗户的光是从西边射进来的：“哇噢。”
When I woke up, I was in my bed and the dull light coming through my windows slanted in from a strange angle. Almost like it was afternoon.
当我醒来时，我已经躺在床上，昏暗的光线从奇怪的角度斜着透过窗户，差不多像是下午了。
“Hungry?” he guessed. “Do you want breakfast in bed?”
“饿吗？”他猜测道：“你想在床上吃早餐吗？”
“You had a long night,” he said reassuringly. “You’d earned a day in bed.”
“你度过了漫长的一夜，”他安抚地说道，“结果获得一天躺在床上的时间。”
“You’ve been very restless — talking all day.”
“你非常不安——一整天都在说梦话。”
“It was a long night,” he said again. “You should have stayed here and slept.”
“那一夜很漫长，”他又说道，“你本应该待在这里睡觉的。”
I kept it simple, throwing a couple of Pop-Tarts in the toaster. I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflective chrome. “Ugh, I’m a mess.”
我拣简单的做，往烤箱里扔了几片家乐氏水果馅饼，在反光的铬合金面板上瞥了自己一眼。“啊，我简直是一团糟。”
“Right! And missed everything. You know, you need to start accepting the fact that I’m part of the family now.”
“好极了！然后错过所有的事情。你知道，你得接受我现在是你们家族一员的事实。”
“May I?” he asked, reaching for the tiny wooden wolf.
“我可以看一看吗？”他问道，伸手要那个小木狼。
I sat down with my breakfast, and he sat next to me. When I lifted the Pop-Tart to take the first bite, I noticed him staring at my hand. I looked down, and saw that I was still wearing the gift that Jacob had given me at the party.
我坐下来吃早饭，他则坐在我旁边。当我拿起水果馅饼准备咬第一口的时候，我注意到他盯着我的手。我低头一看，看见我仍然戴着雅各布在派对上送给我的礼物。
He moved his hand under the charm bracelet and balanced the little figurine in his snowy palm. For a fleeting moment, I was afraid. Just the slightest twist of his fingers could crush it into splinters.
他的手在饰带下方移动，用雪白的手掌平衡着这个小雕像。顷刻间，我感到害怕，哪怕他手指头最微小的动作也会把它弄得粉碎。
But of course Edward wouldn’t do that. I was embarrassed I’d even had the thought. He only weighed the wolf in his palm for a moment, and then let it fall. It swung lightly from my wrist.
不过爱德华当然不会做这样的事情。我感到很羞愧居然这么想。他只是在手掌中打量了一会儿，然后让它滑落下来，它在我的手腕上轻轻地摆动。
He smiled. “I could probably get used to that idea.”
他笑着说道：“我可能会习惯这个想法。”
I swallowed noisily. “Um, sure.”
我大声地吞了下去。嗯，当然可以。
“Don’t you think it’s fair, then,” he asked, looking down at my hand as he spoke. He turned it palm up, and ran his finger along the veins in my wrist. “If I have a little representation?”
“那么，难道你不认为这样不公平吗？”他问道，说话的时候低头看着我的手，他把它掌心朝上翻过来，手指头顺着我手腕上的血管划过，“如果我也有个小雕像呢？”
“Because you wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings,” he suggested shrewdly.
“因为你不愿意伤害他的感情。”他机敏地暗示道。
I shrugged.
我耸耸肩。
“This bracelet.” His finger traced a circle around my wrist. “You’ll be wearing this a lot?”
“这个手链，”他的手指在我的手腕上画了一个圈，“你会经常戴着它吗？”
“What do you mean?”
“你是什么意思？”
“You’ve given me presents,” I reminded him. “You know I like the homemade kind.”
“你给过我礼物了，”我提醒他，“你知道我喜欢自制的风格。”
He pursed his lips for a second. “How about hand-me-downs? Are those acceptable?”
他嘟了一会儿嘴巴，说道：“别人用过的怎么样？那些东西是不是可以接受呢？”
“Jacob Black can give you presents.”
“雅各布·布莱克可以给你礼物。”
It wasn’t a question, or an accusation. Just a statement of fact. But I knew he was referring to my last birthday and the fit I’d thrown over gifts; I hadn’t wanted any. Especially not from Edward. It wasn’t entirely logical, and, of course, everyone had ignored me anyway…
这不是个问题，或者指责，只是陈述事实，但是我知道他指的是去年我生日，我把他们送给我的礼物全扔掉了；我没有留下任何礼物，特别是爱德华给我的，这并不完全符合逻辑，而且，当然啦，大家不管怎样还是无视我的意见……
I tried to read the expression in his eyes. All I could see was thoughtfulness; he kept everything else hidden, if there was anything else.
我努力读懂他的表情。我所能看见的只是若有所思；他掩饰了一切，如果真的有什么的话。
“Sure, I guess so.”
“当然，我猜是这样。”
“If I gave you something, would you wear it?” he pressed.
“如果我给你什么，你会戴吗？”他加重语气说道。
“You’re in every thought I have. I don’t need reminders.”
“你无时无刻不在我的心中。，我不需要东西来提醒自己。”
“Representation?”
“雕像？”
“A charm — something to keep me on your mind.”
“一个饰品——某个能让你把我记在心里的东西。”
“What inequality?”
“什么不平等？”
His eyes narrowed. “Everyone else is able to get away with giving you things. Everyone but me. I would have loved to get you a graduation present, but I didn’t. I knew it would have upset you more than if anyone else did. That’s utterly unfair. How do you explain yourself?”
他眯着眼睛说道：“其他所有人都能给你送礼物而免受责备，所有人中除了我。我本来也想送给你毕业礼物的，但是我没有。我知道如果其他人也这么做的话，这样会令你更难过。这完全不公平，你自己作何解释？”
“Have you noticed the inequality?” he asked, and his voice turned accusing. “Because I certainly have.”
“你注意到这种不平等了吗？”他问道，声音变成了责备，“因为我当然有了。”
“Easy.” I shrugged. “You’re more important than everyone else. And you’ve given me you. That’s already more than I deserve, and anything else you give me just throws us more out of balance.”
“很容易”，我耸耸肩膀，“你比所有其他的人更重要，你已经给了我你自己。这已经超过了我配拥有的一切，你再给我其他东西只会使我们两个人之间变得更加失衡。”
If this was the only reaction to Jacob’s gift, I would take it gladly. “Whatever makes you happy.”
如果这是他对雅各布的礼物的唯一反应，我会很乐于接受的：“不管是什么，只要让你高兴的话。”
“Yes, something I’ve had for a while.” He smiled his angel’s smile.
“是的，有个东西我已经拥有一些时候了。”他看着我露出天使般的笑容。
“A hand-me-down?” I checked.
“一个用过的东西？”我责备道。
He processed that for a moment, and then rolled his eyes. “The way you regard me is ludicrous.”
他思考了一会儿，接着转着眼珠说道：“你看我的方式很滑稽。”
He listened, and I waited for his reaction, suddenly nervous. But whatever she said didn’t surprise him. He sighed a few times.
他倾听着，而我则在等他的反应，突然感到紧张起来。但是不管她说的是什么都没有让他感到很惊讶，他叹了几次气。
“I sort of guessed as much,” he told her, staring into my eyes, a disapproving arch to his brow. “She was talking in her sleep.”
“我猜到差不多会这样，”他告诉她，盯着我的眼睛，眉毛皱了起来，露出不赞同的表情，“她睡觉的时候也在说话。”
Edward’s phone buzzed.
爱德华的电话嗡嗡地响了起来。
I chewed my breakfast calmly. I knew he wouldn’t listen if I told him that he had that backward.
我静静地咀嚼早餐，我知道如果我告诉他，他对这一点的理解很迟钝，他是不会听的。
He looked at the number before he opened it. “What is it, Alice?”
在打开手机之前他看了看号码：“什么事，爱丽丝？”
“I’ll take care of it,” he promised.
“我会处理的。”他保证道。
I deliberated for a moment. Given Alice’s warning last night, I could guess why she’d called. And then remembering the troubled dreams I’d had as I’d slept through the day — dreams where I chased after Jasper, trying to follow him and find the clearing in the maze-like woods, knowing I would find Edward there… Edward, and the monsters who wanted to kill me, but not caring about them because I’d already made my decision — I could also guess what Edward had overheard while I’d slept.
我斟酌了一番。考虑到爱丽丝昨天晚上的警告，我可以猜到她为什么打电话。然后我想起我白天睡觉的时候做过的那个令人不安的梦——在梦中，我跟在贾斯帕后面，想要跟上他，在一片迷宫般的树林里寻找那片空地，我知道在那里可以找到爱德华……爱德华，还有那些想要杀死我的魔鬼，但是我才不在乎他们，因为我已经作出决定了……我也可以猜出我睡觉的时候爱德华听见的内容。
He glared at me as he shut his phone. “Is there something you’d like to talk to me about?”
他合上手机的时候愤怒地盯着我：“你有什么事情想要谈一谈的吗？”
I flushed. What had I said now?
我脸红了，那么我说过什么了？
“Jasper thinks it would. This is his area of expertise.”
“贾斯帕认为会有帮助，这是他的专业领域。”
“You can’t keep me away,” I threatened. “I’m not going to hide out in the forest while you all take risks for me.”
“你不能把我藏起来，”我威胁道，“我不打算当你们所有人都在为我冒险时，自己则藏在树林里。”
Edward glowered at me.
爱德华愤怒地看着我。
I tried to keep as cool as he was. “That’s because Alice didn’t factor in Seth Clearwater,” I said politely. “If she had, of course, she wouldn’t have been able to see anything at all. But it sounds like Seth wants to be there as much as I do. It shouldn’t be too hard to persuade him to show me the way.”
我努力和他一样保持镇定，“那是因为爱丽丝考虑到塞思·克里尔沃特，”我礼貌地说道，当然，如果她这么做了，她就会什么也看不见，但是听起来好像塞思和我一样想到那里去。说服他给我带路应该不是很难。”
I pursed my lips for a moment, not quite able to meet his gaze. He waited.
我嘟了一会儿嘴巴，并没有十足的勇气直视他的眼神，他等待着。
“I want to help. I have to do something, ” I insisted.
“我想帮忙，我得做些什么。”我坚持说道。
“It wouldn’t help to have you in danger.”
“让你身处险境不会有什么帮助的。”
“I like Jasper’s idea,” I finally said.
“我赞成贾斯帕的主意。”我终于开口说道。
He groaned.
他痛苦地呻吟了一声。
Anger flickered across his face, and then he took a deep breath and composed himself. “That might have worked… if you hadn’t told me. Now I’ll just ask Sam to give Seth certain orders. Much as he might want to, Seth won’t be able to ignore that kind of injunction.”
愤怒在他脸上一闪而过，接着他深深地吸了一口气，让自己镇定下来：“那很可能会管用……如果你没告诉我的话。现在我只要让山姆给塞思下一些命令就可以了，不管他有多么想去，塞思都不会对那样的命令熟视无睹的。”
Suddenly, he was fighting a smile. “Alice doesn’t see you in the clearing, Bella. She sees you stumbling around lost in the woods. You won’t be able to find us; you’ll just make it more time consuming for me to find you afterward.”
突然，他挤出一个笑容：“爱丽丝在空地上没看见你，贝拉，她看见你踉踉跄跄地迷失在树林里。你会找不到我们的，之后你只会让我花更多时间找到你。”
I kept my smile pleasant. “But why would Sam give those orders? If I tell him how it would help for me to be there? I’ll bet Sam would rather do me a favor than you.”
我保持着开心的微笑：“但是为什么山姆要下这样的命令呢？如果我告诉他我在那里会起到什么样的作用的话，我打赌山姆宁愿帮我也不会帮你的。”
He was obviously trying to distract me. I glared at him.
显然他是在分散我的注意力，我愤怒地盯着他。
He had to compose himself again. “Maybe you’re right. But I’m sure Jacob would be only too eager to give those same orders.”
他又不得不令自己镇定下来：，“或许你是对的，但是我确定，雅各布只会更迫不及待地下同样的命令。”
He had me, and by his smile, he knew it. My forehead crumpled. Jacob would be on his side — in this one instance — I was sure. And Jacob never had told me that.
他难倒我了，从他的微笑判断，他知道的，我的额头皱在一起。雅各布会站在他这边——就在这一刻——我很确定，而且雅各布从来都没告诉过我这件事。
Edward took advantage of the fact that I was momentarily stumped, continuing in a suspiciously smooth and soothing voice. “I got a fascinating look into the pack’s mind last night. It was better than a soap opera. I had no idea how complex the dynamic is with such a large pack. The pull of the individual against the plural psyche… Absolutely fascinating.”
爱德华看我暂时被难倒了，趁机继续以一种令人怀疑的平静，同时又令人安慰的口吻说道：“昨天晚上我看了看狼群令人着迷的思想，那比肥皂剧还好看。我不知道在这么一大群人身上发挥作用的是何等复杂的动力机制，那种把每个人拉向集体心理的牵引力……绝对令人着迷。”
I frowned. “Jacob?”
我皱了皱眉头：“雅各布？”
“Jacob is second in command. Did he never tell you that? His orders have to be followed, too.”
“雅各布是副指挥，他从来都没跟你说过吗？他的命令也必须遵守。”
“Jacob’s been keeping a lot of secrets,” he said with a grin.
“雅各布藏着很多秘密。”他张着嘴巴笑道。
“Leah’s a werewolf!” I shrieked. “What? For how long? Why didn’t Jacob tell me?”
“里尔变成了狼人！”我尖叫道，“什么？多久了？为什么雅各布没告诉我？”
“So someone changed who wasn’t a direct descendant?”
“那么有人不是直系子孙却变形了吗？”
I blinked, and my eyes widened.”She?”
我眨了眨瞪大了的眼睛：“她？”
He chuckled. “They take all of their legends so seriously. It turns out there are things that none of their stories prepared them for.”
他笑了笑。“他们把那些传说都很当真。事实表明，没有哪个传说使他们作好了充分的准备。”
I sighed. “Okay, I’ll bite. What are you talking about?”
我感叹道：“好吧，我上钩了，你在说什么？”
“For instance, did you note the smaller gray wolf there last night?”
“例如，你难道没有注意到昨天晚上那只体型稍小的灰狼吗？”
“No. She’s a direct descendant, all right.”
“不是，好吧，她是直系子孙。”
“There are things he wasn’t allowed to share — their numbers, for instance. Like I said before, when Sam gives an order, the pack simply isn’t able to ignore it. Jacob was very careful to think of other things when he was near me. Of course, after last night that’s all out the window.”
“有许多事情雅各布不能跟别人说——比如，他们的人数。正如我之前所说的，当山姆下达命令的时候，狼群绝不能视而不见。雅各布靠近我的时候非常小心翼翼，不去考虑其他的事情。当然，过了昨夜之后所有天窗都打开了，一切都明朗了。”
“They always accepted without question that it was only the direct grandsons of the original wolf who had the power to transform.”
“他们总是毫无疑问地接受只有原来那匹狼的直系子孙才有变形的能力的说法。”
I nodded one stiff nod.
我僵硬地点了点头。
I didn’t answer, I just kept glaring, holding on to my argument and waiting for an opening.
我没有回答，只是愤怒地盯着他，坚守着我的观点，伺机见缝插针。
He nodded. “She knows you. Her name is Leah Clearwater.”
他点点头：“她认识你，她的名字是里尔·克里尔沃特。”
I hadn’t given much thought to Leah Clearwater, just to grieve for her loss when Harry had passed away, and then to pity her again when Jacob had told her story, about how the strange imprinting between Sam and her cousin Emily had broken Leah’s heart.
我没过多地去想里尔．克里尔沃特的事情，只是因为哈里去世了，我为她感到伤心，接着当雅各布告诉我她的故事，还有山姆和她的表妹艾米莉之间奇怪的烙印伤了她的心之后，我很同情她。
“I can’t believe it. Leah Clearwater!” Suddenly, I remembered Jacob speaking of Leah and Sam, and the way he acted as if he’d said too much — after he’d said something about Sam having to look in Leah’s eyes every day and know that he’d broken all his promises… Leah on the cliff, a tear glistening on her cheek when Old Quil had spoken of the burden and sacrifice the Quileute sons shared… And Billy, spending time with Sue because she was having trouble with her kids… and here the trouble actually was that both of them were werewolves now!
“我不敢相信。里尔·克里尔沃特！”突然，我记起雅各布说起过里尔和山姆，他说话的样子，感觉就像他说的太多了一样——在他说过山姆不得不每天看着里尔的眼睛，知道他曾经违背了所有的誓言……在悬崖上，当老吉尔说到奎鲁特子孙背负的重担与奉献的时候，里尔脸颊上闪闪发光的一滴眼泪……还有比利，经常和苏在一起，因为她的孩子有些麻烦……那么真正的麻烦是他们两个现在都变成了狼人！
“Poor Leah,” I whispered.
“可怜的里尔。”我轻声说道。
Edward snorted. “She’s making life exceedingly unpleasant for the rest of them. I’m not sure she deserves your sympathy.”
爱德华嗤之以鼻：“她让其他人活得很累，我不确定她是否值得你同情。”
I really hate that part, Jacob had said. Everything you’re ashamed of, laid out for everyone to see.
我真的很恨这方面，雅各布曾说过，你所感到羞愧的一切，都呈现在大家面前。
And now she was part of Sam’s pack, hearing his thoughts… and unable to hide her own.
现在她成了山姆狼群的一员，听得见他的想法……而且不能隐藏她自己的。
“It’s hard enough for them, having to share all their thoughts. Most of them try to cooperate, make it easier. When even one member is deliberately malicious, it’s painful for everyone.”
“对他们而言本来就已经够困难的了，不得不分享所有的想法。他们大多数人都努力合作，使情况更容易应付一点。哪怕只有一个成员故意心怀恶意，每个人都会很痛苦。”
“What do you mean?”
“你是什么意思？”
“Poor Leah,” I said again. “But what do you mean, malicious?”
“可怜的里尔，”我又说道，“但是你说心怀恶意是什么意思？”
“Oh, I know,” he said. “The imprinting compulsion is one of the strangest things I’ve ever witnessed in my life, and I’ve seen some strange things.” He shook his head wonderingly. “The way Sam is tied to his Emily is impossible to describe — or I should say her Sam. Sam really had no choice. It reminds me of A Midsummer Night’s Dream with all the chaos caused by the fairies’ love spells… like magic.” He smiled. “It’s very nearly as strong as the way I feel about you.”
“噢，我知道”，他说道，“烙印的冲动是我一生中所见过的最奇怪的事情，我已经见过一些稀奇古怪的事情了。”他摇摇头，露出不可思议的表情，“山姆眷恋着艾米莉的方式难以形容——或者我应该说她的山姆，山姆真的没有选择。这使我想起《仲夏夜之梦》，因为仙女们的爱情咒语造成的一片混乱？，？就像魔法一样。”他笑道，“这非常接沂我对你的感觉。”
“She’s constantly bringing up things they’d rather not think of,” he explained. “For example, Embry.”
“她总是提起他们不愿意想起的事情，”他解释道，“比如，安布里。”
“She has reason enough,” I mumbled, still on her side.
“她有充分的理由。”我咕哝道，还是站在里尔这边。
“What’s with Embry?” I asked, surprised.
“安布里又怎么啦？”我惊讶地问道。
“His mother moved down from the Makah reservation seventeen years ago, when she was pregnant with him. She’s not Quileute. Everyone assumed she’d left his father behind with the Makahs. But then he joined the pack.”
“十七年前，他母亲从马卡保留地搬过来，那时候她还怀着他。她不是奎鲁特人，大家都认为她抛弃他的父亲，离开了马卡，但是后来安布里加入了狼群。”
“Wow. How did you get so much in one night?”
“哇噢，你怎么一个晚上知道这么多？”
He sounded faintly regretful, like someone who’d had to put down a good book just before the climax.
他的语气夹杂着些许遗憾，好像有人正在看一本好书看到高潮的时候不得不放下一样。
“The pack mind is mesmerizing. All thinking together and then separately at the same time. There’s so much to read!”
“狼群的思想真令人着迷，所有人都一起思考，然后又同时分开。有那么多东西可以读！”
“No,” he said in a very final tone.
“不。”他的声音斩钉截铁。
“Now Sam, Jacob, and Quil all wonder which of them has a half-brother. They’d all like to think it’s Sam, since his father was never much of a father. But the doubt is always there. Jacob’s never been able to ask Billy about that.”
“现在山姆、雅各布和吉尔都想知道他们当中哪一个有一个同父异母的兄弟。他们都认为是山姆，由于他的父亲从来都不像个父亲的样子，但是怀疑总是存在。雅各布一直无法向比利问这件事。”
“I have to be in that clearing, Edward.”
“我不得不到那片空地，爱德华。”
It wasn’t so much that I had to be in the clearing. I just had to be where Edward was.
并非一定要我出现在空地上，我只是想要出现在爱德华所在的地方。
“No!” I gasped. Edward was right — this was exactly like a soap opera.
“不！”我惊叹道。爱德华是正确的——这千真万确就像一出肥皂剧。
His expression became polite again — a perfect poker face.
他的表情又变得礼貌起来——摆出一张完美的扑克脸。
“So?”
“那么？”
I laughed. “The pack is fascinating,” I agreed. “Almost as fascinating as you are when you’re trying to distract me.”
我大笑着说：“狼群是很令人着迷，”我同意。“几乎和你试图分散我的注意力的时候一样令人着迷。”
“So the prime candidates for his father are Quil Ateara Sr., Joshua Uley, or Billy Black, all of them married at that point, of course.”
“那么他父亲最首要的人选是老吉尔·阿提拉、乔舒亚·乌利或者比利·布莱克，当然他们三个那时候都已经结婚了。”
A certain path occurred to me at that moment.
就在那时另外某种途径出现在我的脑海里。
I ignored my better instincts. I couldn’t look at him while I spoke, though. The guilt had my eyes glued to the table.
我对自己更好的本能视而不见，不过，说话的时候不敢看着他，内疚令我的眼睛紧紧地盯着桌面。
Cruel, I accused myself. Selfish, selfish, selfish! Don’t do it!
残忍，我指责自己，自私，自私，自私！别这么做！
“Okay, look, Edward,” I whispered. “Here’s the thing… I’ve already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are. And I can’t stand it if you leave me again.”
“好吧，瞧，爱德华，”我轻声说道，“事情是这样……我曾经几乎发疯过一次。我知道我能承受的极限，而且如果你再次离开我。我会无法承受的。”
I didn’t look up to see his reaction, afraid to know how much pain I was inflicting. I did hear his sudden intake of breath and the silence that followed. I stared at the dark wooden tabletop, wishing I could take the words back. But knowing I probably wouldn’t. Not if it worked.
我没有抬头看他的反应，害怕知道我给他造成了多大的痛苦。我确实听见他突然吸气的声音，紧接着是沉默。我盯着黑色的木桌面，希望能收回所说的话，但是我知道我很可能不会，如果这招管用的话我就不会。
“You know it’s not like that, Bella,” he murmured. “I won’t be far, and it will be over quickly.”
“你知道不是那样的，贝拉。”他呢喃道，“我不会走远的，而且很快就会结束的。”
Suddenly, his arms were around me, his hands stroking my face, my arms. He was comforting me. The guilt went into spiral mode. But the survival instinct was stronger. There was no question that he was fundamental to my survival.
突然，他紧紧地抱住我，用手抚摸着我的脸，我的胳膊，他在安慰我。内疚不断加剧，但是我生存的本能更加强烈，毫无疑问他是我生存的基本条件。
“I can’t stand it,” I insisted, still staring down. “Not knowing whether or not you’ll come back. How do I live through that, no matter how quickly it’s over?”
“我无法忍受，”我坚持说道，仍然俯视着桌面，“不管事情结束得有多快，不知道你是否会回来，我怎么忍受得了？”
He didn’t speak.
他没有说话。
He sighed. “It’s going to be easy, Bella. There’s no reason for your fears.”
他叹气道：“会很容易的，贝拉。没有理由让你感到害怕。”
After a long moment of silence, I finally looked up at his expression.
沉默了好久之后，我终于抬头看着他的表情。
I took a deep breath. “So it’s one way or the other. Either there is more danger than you want me to know about, in which case it would be right for me to be there, to do what I can to help. Or… it’s going to be so easy that they’ll get by without you. Which way is it?”
我深深地吸了一口气：“要么这样，要么那样。要么比你想让我了解的要危险，那样的话，正好应该让我去那里，做我力所能及的事情；要么……事情会那么容易，他们没有你也可以办妥。是哪一种情况呢？”
It felt too simple — he had to see it coming.
感觉太容易了——他不得不弄明白到底是怎么回事了。
“So there’s no way at all that I need to be in the clearing?”
“这么说来，完全不需要我到空地上去哕？”
“Yes.”
“是的。”
“None at all?”
“完全没有？”
“That’s right — you said it was so easy that someone could sit out,” I repeated his words from last night. “Did you really mean that?”
“那很好——你说过事情会如此简单，有人可能会袖手旁观的，”我重复着他昨天晚上的话，你真的是这个意思吗？”
“Of course not. Alice just told me that they’re down to nineteen. We’ll be able to handle it easily.”
“当然不需要。爱丽丝刚刚告诉我他们的人数下降到十九个，我们会轻而易举地处理好的。”
The poker face was back.
扑克脸又回来了。
“So easy that you could sit out?”
“如此容易，你就可以袖手旁观了？”
“Everyone,” he promised.
“大家都会。”他保证。
“And everybody will be fine?”
“而且大家都会没事？”
“None.”
“完全没有。”
I knew what he was thinking of — the same thing I was thinking of. Carlisle. Esme. Emmett. Rosalie. Jasper. And… I forced myself to think the last name. And Alice.
我知道他在想什么——和我想的一样。卡莱尔、埃斯梅、埃美特、罗莎莉、贾斯帕，和……我强迫自己想起最后一个名字，和爱丽丝。
“Yes.” I was surprised I could keep my voice even, I felt so wretched inside. “Or to let me be there. Either way, so long as we’re together.”
“是的，”我很惊讶我能保持平缓的语气，我内心感到如此卑鄙，“或者让我到那里去。只要我们在一起，两者任选其一。”
“You ask me to let them fight without my help?” he said in a quiet voice.
“你希望我让他们没有我的帮助去打仗？”他语气平静地问道。
I wondered if I was a monster. Not the kind that he thought he was, but the real kind. The kind that hurt people. The kind that had no limits when it came to what they wanted.
我想知道我是否是个魔鬼。不是他心里想的那种魔鬼，而是真正的魔鬼，会伤害别人的那种。那种为了得到他们想要的东西，就会变得贪得无厌的魔鬼。
What I wanted was to keep him safe, safe with me. Did I have a limit to what I would do, what I would sacrifice for that? I wasn’t sure.
我想要的是让他安全，安全地与我在一起。我对自己想要做的事情还有节制吗？为了这样我会牺牲什么？我不确定。
He took a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly. He moved his hands to place them on either side of my face, forcing me to meet his gaze. He looked into my eyes for a long time. I wondered what he was looking for, and what it was that he found. Was the guilt as thick on my face as it was in my stomach — sickening me?
他深深地吸了一口气，然后又缓缓地呼出来。他伸出手捧住我的脸，强迫我看着他的眼睛。他凝视着我的双眼，看了好久好久。我不知道他在寻找什么，他找到的是什么。我脸上的歉意会不会和我内心里的一样浓厚——令我感到不舒服呢？
His eyes tightened against some emotion I couldn’t read, and he dropped one hand to pull out his phone again.
他的眉头因为某种我无法读懂的感情紧锁着，他放下一只手又把电话掏了出来。
“Alice,” he sighed. “Could you come babysit Bella for a bit?” He raised one eyebrow, daring me to object to the word. “I need to speak with Jasper.”
“爱丽丝，”他叹气道，“你能过来照顾一下贝拉吗？”他挑起眉毛，问我有没有胆量反对那个词语，“我需要和贾斯帕谈一谈。”
We didn’t move for a long moment. I kept my face hidden, pressed against his shirt. Two voices struggled inside me. One that wanted to be good and brave, and one that told the good one to keep her mouth shut.
我们很久都没有动。我把脸一直压在他的衬衣上，藏在那里，两个声音在心中挣扎。一个声音想要乖乖的，勇敢一些，另一个则让那个乖乖的声音闭嘴。
I leaned forward and rested my forehead against his chest. “Thank you,” I whispered.
我身体向前倾，额头顶在他的胸膛上，“谢谢你。”我轻声说道。
“What are you going to say to Jasper?” I whispered.
“你打算跟贾斯帕说什么？”我轻声问道。
She evidently agreed. He put the phone away and went back to staring at my face.
她显然同意了。他收起电话，重新盯着我的脸。
I was sorry. I hated to make him do this. Not enough that I could fake a smile and tell him to go on ahead without me. Definitely not that much.
我之前很抱歉，我讨厌迫使他做这样的事情。其程度没有深到让我装出微笑，告诉他不带上我去吧。绝对没那么深。
It was easy to read in his face how difficult the words were for him.
从他的脸上一眼就看得出来，说出这些话对他而言有多么困难。
“I’m sorry.”
“我很抱歉。”
“I didn’t mean it that way — like you have to choose me over your family.”
“我不是那个意思——好像你不得不在家人和我之间选择一样。”
“I know that. Besides, that’s not what you asked. You gave me two alternatives that you could live with, and I chose the one that I could live with. That’s how compromise is supposed to work.”
“我知道这样，此外，那也不是你要求的。你给了我两个你能忍受的选择，我选择了那个我能忍受的。妥协就是这样产生作用的。”
“Anytime,” he answered, kissing my hair. “Anything.”
“任何时候，”他轻轻地吻着我的头发说道，“任何事情。”
“Don’t apologize,” he said, smiling just a little. “Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Bella. If this is what you need…” He shrugged. “You are my first priority.”
“别道歉，”他说道，只是略带微笑着说，“永远都别担心告诉我你是怎么想的，贝拉。如果这是你所需要的……”他耸耸肩，“你是我最优先考虑的对象。”
“I’m going to discuss… me sitting out.”
“我打算讨论……我袖手旁观的事情。”
Edward sighed. “Of course he is.”
爱德华感叹道：“他当然很高兴啦。”
“Hello, Alice,” he greeted her. He put one finger under my chin and tilted my face up to kiss me goodbye.
“哈罗，爱丽丝。”他跟她打了个招呼。他用一根手指托起我的下巴，让我仰着脸和我吻别。
Edward leaned away from me and cocked his head to the side, probably confused by the uncomfortable edge to my voice.
爱德华后仰着身体离我远了一些，偏着头，很可能被我不舒服的尖锐语气弄糊涂了。
“There’s not much to arrange,” Alice said. “I already told them. Emmett is pleased.”
“没有多少事需要安排的，”爱丽丝说道，“我已经跟他们说过了，埃美特很高兴。”
Before he could ask, Alice appeared in the kitchen doorway with a sour expression.
他还没问，爱丽丝就面带愠色地出现在厨房门口。
“I’ll be back later tonight,” he promised me. “I’ll go work this out with the others, rearrange things.”
“我今晚稍晚的时候回来，”他答应我，“我会和其他人研究一下，重新安排一下事情。”
“Okay.”
“好的。”
“Huh?” I said, stalling. I didn’t remember having had that dream again.
“啊哈？”我一时语塞，我不记得我做过那个梦了。
She glared at me.
她生气地看着我。
“You’re going to miss all the fun,” she grumbled.
“你会错过所有的乐趣的。”她抱怨道。
He walked out the door, leaving me to face Alice.
他走出大门，让我面对爱丽丝。
“You were mumbling something about ‘the third wife’ last night. The rest made a little sense, but you lost me there.”
“你昨天晚上咕哝着‘第三个妻子’之类的事情。其他的话还有些意义，但是到那里我就糊涂了。”
“Who’s the third wife?” he asked me suddenly.
“谁是第三个妻子？”他突然问我。
“Oh. Um, yeah. That was just one of the stories that I heard at the bonfire the other night.” I shrugged. “I guess it stuck with me.”
“噢，嗯，是的。那是那天晚上我在篝火晚会上听到的一个故事。”我耸耸肩，“我想它深深地触动了我。”
“I’m sorry,” I apologized again. “Do you think this will make it more dangerous for you?”
“我很抱歉，”我又道歉，“你认为这会使你的处境更加危险吗？”
She snorted. “You worry too much, Bella. You’re going to go prematurely gray.”
她不屑地说道：“你担心得太多了，贝拉，你会永远变老的。”
“Go clean yourself up,” she ordered me. “Charlie will be home in fifteen minutes, and if you look this ragged he’s not going to want to let you out again.”
“去梳洗梳洗，”她命令我，“查理十五分钟后回来，如果你看起来如此憔悴的话，他再也不会让你出去了。”
“Why are you upset, then?”
“那么，你为什么心烦意乱呢？”
“Edward is such a grouch when he doesn’t get his way. I’m just anticipating living with him for the next few months.” She made a face. “I suppose, if it keeps you sane, it’s worth it. But I wish you could control the pessimism, Bella. It’s so unnecessary.”
“没有称心如意的话，爱德华就会不停地发牢骚，我只是预见到今后几个月里要忍受他的絮絮叨叨了。”她扮了个鬼脸，“我猜，如果这会使你神经正常，还是值得的，但是我希望你能控制住自己的悲观情绪，贝拉，这样完全没有必要。”
Alice grimaced. “That’s different.”
爱丽丝做了个鬼脸：“那不一样。”
“Sure it is.”
“当然一样。”
“Would you let Jasper go without you?” I demanded.
“你会让贾斯帕不带上你自己去吗？”我追问道。
Wow, I’d really lost the whole day. It felt like such a waste. I was glad I wouldn’t always have to squander my time with sleeping.
哇哦，我真的失去了一整天。感觉真是极大的浪费，我很高兴我不必总是把时间浪费在睡觉上。
I was entirely presentable when Charlie got home — fully dressed, hair decent, and in the kitchen putting his dinner on the table. Alice sat in Edward’s usual place, and this seemed to make Charlie’s day.
查理到家的时候我已经完全像模像样了——穿得整整齐齐，头发梳得很高雅，在厨房里把他的晚餐放在桌子上。爱丽丝坐在爱德华经常坐的位置上，这使之看起来像是查理的好日子一样。
“I see you finally made it out of bed, sleepyhead,” he said to me as I sat beside him, before turning back to Alice. “Everyone’s talking about that party your parents threw last night. I’ll bet you’ve got one heck of a clean-up job ahead of you.”
“我看你终于起床了，贪睡鬼，”我在他旁边坐下的时候他对我说，然后再对爱丽丝说，“大家都在讨论你父母昨天晚上举办的派对，我打赌你一定有一大堆清扫的工作要做。”
“Howdy, Alice! How are you, hon?”
“你好，爱丽丝！你好吗，亲？”
Alice shrugged. Knowing her, it was already done.
爱丽丝耸耸肩。我知道她，那些已经做完了。
“It was worth it,” she said. “It was a great party.”
“这样很值得，”她说道，“派对棒极了。”
“Hiking again?”
“又去徒步？”
“Where’s Edward?” Charlie asked, a little grudgingly. “Is he helping clean up?”
“爱德华呢？”查理有些不情愿地问道，“他帮忙打扫吗？”
Alice sighed and her face turned tragic. It was probably an act, but it was too perfect for me to be positive. “No. He’s off planning the weekend with Emmett and Carlisle.”
爱丽丝叹了叹气，她的脸色变得很悲惨。这很可能是装出来的，但是对我而言太完美了而无法肯定：不，他这个周末与埃美特和卡莱尔计划出游。”
Alice nodded, her face suddenly forlorn. “Yes. They’re all going, except me. We always go backpacking at the end of the school year, sort of a celebration, but this year I decided I’d rather shop than hike, and not one of them will stay behind with me. I’m abandoned.”
爱丽丝点点头，她的脸色突然变得像是被遗弃了一样：“是的，他们都去了，除了我。我们总是在学年结束时背包旅行，有点儿像庆祝一样，但是今年我决定我宁愿购物而不是去徒步，他们当中没有一个愿意留下来陪我的，我被抛弃了。”
“I’m fine, Charlie, thanks.”
“我很好，爸爸，谢谢。”
Her face puckered, the expression so devastated that Charlie leaned toward her automatically, one hand reaching out, looking for some way to help. I glared at her suspiciously. What was she doing?
她的脸皱在一起，表情如此伤悲以至于查理下意识地靠近她，伸出一只手寻找可以帮忙的方式。我怀疑地对她怒目而视，她在做什么？
“Alice, honey, why don’t you come stay with us,” Charlie offered. “I hate to think of you all alone in that big house.”
“爱丽丝，亲爱的，为什么你不过来和我们一起住呢？”查理提议道，“我一想到你一个人住在那个大房子里，就感到很讨厌。”
“Oh, would you, Bella?” Alice smiled at me radiantly. “You don’t mind shopping with me, right?”
“噢，你愿意吗，贝拉？”爱丽丝露出灿烂的笑容，对我说道，“你不介意和我一起购物，对吗？”
“Ow!” I protested.
“哎哟！”我抗议道。
“Sure,” I agreed. “Shopping. Okay.”
“当然啦，”我同意道，“购物，好吧。”
“Maybe Bella should stay up there with you,” he suggested. “Just until your folks get back.”
“或许贝拉可以过去和你一起住，”他建议道，“直到你的家人回来。”
Charlie pursed his lips. Alice pulled out the devastated expression again.
查理嘟着嘴巴，爱丽丝又拉长一张悲伤的脸。
She stepped on my foot again, not quite so hard this time.
她又踩了踩我的脚，这一次没那么大力气。
“After dinner, I guess,” she said, and then put one finger to her chin, thoughtful. “You don’t have anything going on Saturday, do you? I want to get out of town to shop, and it will be an all-day thing.”
“我想晚饭后，”她说道，然后把一只手指放在下巴上，露出若有所思的表情，“你星期六晚上没什么安排，是不是？我想到镇外去购物，需要一整天呢。”
“Stubbed my toe,” I muttered.
“碰到脚指头了。”我低声说道。
Alice shot me a frustrated look. I could tell she thought that I was very slow tonight.
爱丽丝沮丧地看着我，我看得出来她认为我今晚反应很迟钝。
“When are they leaving?” Charlie asked.
“他们什么时候走？”查理问道。
Charlie turned to me. “What?”
查理转向我：“怎么啦？”
“When do you want me?” I asked.
“你什么时候想要我去？”我问道。
She sighed. Something squashed my foot under the table.
她叹了叹气，有东西在桌子底下踩住我的脚了。
“Oh.” He looked back at Alice. “So, how ’bout it?”
“噢，”他又看着爱丽丝，“那么，这样如何？”
Alice made another face. “Tomorrow.”
爱丽丝又扮了个鬼脸：“明天。”
“Er, Dad, you know, we don’t really have the best accommodations here. I bet Alice doesn’t want to sleep on my floor…”
“呃，爸爸，你知道，我们这里真的没什么好的住宿环境。我打赌爱丽丝不想睡在我的地板上……”
“A little,” I lied.
“有一点点。”我撒谎道。
“You’ll like that, Bella.” Charlie was cheerful with relief. “Go get your fill of the city.”
“你会喜欢的，贝拉，”查理如释重负开心地说道，“去感受一下这座城市吧。”
“You can’t be tired,” Charlie protested.
“你不可能累吧？”查理反驳道。
I excused myself soon after they left.
他们离开不久我就找了个借口告辞。
“Of course not,” Alice agreed at once, though we both knew Seattle would be plenty safe on Saturday. “I was thinking Olympia, maybe…”
“当然不是，”爱丽丝立即认同道，尽管我们都知道西雅图星期六的时候会非常安全，我在考虑奥林匹亚，或许……”
“What time are we meeting with the wolves?” I murmured as I went to join him.
“我们几点钟去见狼人？”我跑过去和他会合。
Upstairs, Edward was lying across my bed.
楼上，爱德华横躺在我的床上。
“Not Seattle,” Charlie interjected, his eyebrows pulling together.
“不要去西雅图。”查理插话道，他的眉毛紧皱在一起。
“No wonder you like to skip the parties,” he muttered. “It takes you so long to recover.”
“难怪你喜欢翘掉派对，”他低声嘟囔道，“你要好长的时间才能恢复。”
Edward returned not much later. He accepted Charlie’s wishes for a nice trip without surprise. He claimed they were leaving early in the morning, and said goodnight before the usual time. Alice left with him.
爱德华不久就回来了，他毫不惊讶地接受了查理祝他一路顺风的祝福。他声称他们第二天清晨就出发，比平时更早地道了晚安。爱丽丝和他一起走了。
With one easy conversation, Alice had cleared my schedule for the battle.
只是通过一次轻松的谈话，爱丽丝就把我战争期间的时间安排好了。
“Yeah, Dad. It’ll be great.”
“是的，爸爸，那样好极了。”
“In an hour.”
“一个小时后。”
“That’s good. Jake and his friends need to get some sleep.”
“好极了，杰克和他的朋友们需要睡眠。”
“They don’t need as much as you do,” he pointed out.
“他们不像你需要的那么多。”他指出。
I thought about that briefly. No Charlie listening downstairs, checking on me every so often. And no houseful of wide-awake vampires with their intrusively sensitive hearing… Just him and me — really alone.
我简略地想了想。查理没在楼下偷听，他也不那么经常查房了。没有一屋子机警的吸血鬼有着干扰性的灵敏听觉……只有他和我——真的单独相处了。
He laughed, relieved.
他松了一口气大笑起来。
“Is that all right?” he asked, concerned by my silence.
“那样好吗？”他问道，有些担心我的沉默。
“Why didn’t Alice tell Charlie you were leaving tonight?” I asked.
“为什么爱丽丝没告诉查理你们今晚出发呢？”我问道。
He grinned. “Actually, she’s not.”
他笑道：“实际上，她没有。”
I moved to another topic, assuming he was about to try to talk me into staying home. “Did Alice tell you that she’s kidnapping me again?”
我换到另一个话题，猜测他准备试图说服我待在家里：“爱丽丝跟你说过她又要绑架我了吗？”
He nodded.
他点点头。
“You’re kidnapping me?”
“你在绑架我？”
“What thing?” His eyes were anxious. It was mind-boggling, but, somehow, he still seemed unsure of his hold on me. Maybe I needed to make myself more clear.
“什么事情？”他的眼睛充满焦虑。这令人难以置信，但是，不管如何，他似乎仍然不确定他在隐瞒我什么，或许我需要自己解释得更清楚一些。
“Well… sure, except for one thing.”
“好吧……当然啦，除了一件事情。”
I stared at him, confused, and he laughed quietly at my expression.
我盯着他，一脸迷惑，他轻轻地嘲笑我的表情。
I enjoyed the trip to the clearing more than I had last night. I still felt guilty, still afraid, but I wasn’t terrified anymore. I could function. I could see past what was coming, and almost believe that maybe it would be okay. Edward was apparently fine with the idea of missing the fight… and that made it very hard not to believe him when he said this would be easy. He wouldn’t leave his family if he didn’t believe it himself. Maybe Alice was right, and I did worry too much.
我比昨天晚上更喜欢到那片空地上的旅程。我仍然感到很内疚，很担心，但是我不再恐惧了，我能够正常地思考了。我能看透即将来临的是什么，差不多相信可能会没事的。爱德华显然对错过这场战斗表现良好……这使我很难不相信他说过事情会很容易的，如果他自己都不相信的话他是不会离开他的家人的。或许爱丽丝是对的，我确实担心得有些过头了。
“I’m the only one who has permission to hold you hostage, remember?” he said. “Alice is going hunting with the rest of them.” He sighed. “I guess I don’t need to do that now.”
“我是唯一一个获准把你当人质的人，还记得吗？”他说道，“爱丽丝和其他人去狩猎了。”他感叹道，“我猜我现在不需要这么做了。”
Jasper and Emmett were already wrestling — just warming up from the sounds of their laughter. Alice and Rosalie lounged on the hard ground, watching. Esme and Carlisle were talking a few yards away, heads close together, fingers linked, not paying attention.
贾斯帕和埃美特已经在摔跤了——从他们的笑声判断他们只是在热身。爱丽丝和罗莎莉懒洋洋地在坚硬的地面上闲逛，注视着他们。埃斯梅和卡莱尔在几码开外的地方聊天，他们的头紧紧地挨在一起，十指交错，没有注意周遭的一切。
We got to the clearing last.
我们终于来到空地上。
Edward nodded. “He trusts us not to try to kill him. That’s about it, though.”
爱德华点点头：“他信任我们不会杀死他，不过仅此而已。”
It was also easy to recognize Jacob; I would have known him at once, even if he hadn’t looked up and stared at the sound of our approach.
也很容易辨认出雅各布；即使他不抬起头，我也能马上认出他来，他注视着我们走过时发出声音的方向。
“Where are the rest of the wolves?” I wondered.
“其他的狼人去哪里了？”我好奇地问道。
It was much brighter tonight, the moon shining through the thin clouds, and I could easily see the three wolves that sat around the edge of the practice ring, spaced far apart to watch from different angles.
今晚更明亮一些，月光穿透稀薄的云层，我能轻松地看见三个狼人坐在训练场的边缘，他们隔得很远，这样就可以从不同的角度观看。
“Jacob trusts you.”
“雅各布信任你。”
“They don’t all need to be here. One would do the job, but Sam didn’t trust us enough to just send Jacob, though Jacob was willing. Quil and Embry are his usual… I guess you could call them his wingmen.”
“他们没有必要全都来。各司其职，但是山姆不是那么信任我们，只是派来雅各布，尽管雅各布也心甘情愿。吉尔和安布里是他通常的……我猜你会称他们为边锋。”
“Are you participating tonight?” I asked, hesitant. I knew this was going to be almost as hard for him as being left behind would have been for me. Maybe harder.
“你今晚要练习吗？”我问道，有些犹豫不决。我知道这对他而言很难，其程度不亚于把我留下让我难受的程度，或许更难。
They were still outnumbered. I was making that worse.
他们仍然在人数上要少一些，我只是让事情变得更糟糕了。
“I’ll help Jasper when he needs it. He wants to try some unequal groupings, teach them how to deal with multiple attackers.”
“我会在贾斯帕需要的时候帮助他。他想要试一试不平均的分组，教他们如何对付多个袭击者。”
He shrugged.
他耸耸肩。
I stared at the field, trying to hide my reaction.
我凝视着空地，努力掩饰我的反应。
And a fresh wave of panic shattered my brief sense of confidence.
一股新的恐慌粉碎了我短暂的信心。
It was the wrong place to look, struggling as I was to lie to myself, to convince myself that everything would work out as I needed it to. Because when I forced my eyes away from the Cullens — away from the image of their play fighting that would be real and deadly in just a few days — Jacob caught my eyes and smiled.
那是不应该看的地方，心里一直在挣扎，我自欺欺人，想要让自己相信事情会像我想的那样进行得很顺利。因为当我强迫自己把视线从卡伦家族的人身上移开时——从他们模拟格斗的景象上移开，这一幕只要几天就会变成致命的现实了——雅各布遇上我的眼神，微笑起来。
It was the same wolfy grin as before, his eyes scrunching the way they did when he was human.
这是和以前一样的狼人的笑容，他的眼睛皱在一起，和他是人形时的一样。
It was hard to believe that, not so long ago, I’d found the werewolves frightening — lost sleep to nightmares about them.
很难相信，不久之前，我觉得狼人很吓人——还因为他们经常做噩梦。
I knew, without asking, which of the others was Embry and which was Quil. Because Embry was clearly the thinner gray wolf with the dark spots on his back, who sat so patiently watching, while Quil — deep chocolate brown, lighter over his face — twitched constantly, looking like he was dying to join in the mock fight. They weren’t monsters, even like this. They were friends.
我知道，不用问另外两个哪一个是安布里，哪一个是吉尔。因为安布里很显然是那个稍瘦一些的灰狼，他背上有黑色的斑点，耐心地坐在那里观看，而吉尔——是深巧克力色，脸上的毛色要淡一些——不停地抽搐着，好像他迫不及待地要加入模拟格斗之中一样。他们即使这样也都不是恶魔，他们是朋友。
Jacob sprang lightly to his feet, his agility at odds with his sheer mass, and trotted over to where Edward and I stood on the fringe of things.
雅各布灵敏地站了起来，他敏捷的身手与硕大的身形一点儿也不协调，他飞快地跑向爱德华和我所站的训练场之外的地方。
I tried to smile back at Jacob, swallowing against the lump in my throat. I didn’t seem to get it right.
我试着对雅各布笑了笑，咽下喉咙中的一阵难受，我似乎做得不好。
Edward’s confidence was reassuring, because it was plain that he wasn’t truly worried about his family. But would it hurt him if something happened to the wolves? Was there any reason for him to be anxious, if that possibility didn’t bother him? Edward’s confidence only applied to one set of my fears.
爱德华的信心让人感到宽慰，但是很显然，他真的不担心自己的家人。但是如果狼人身上发生了什么事会让他受到伤害吗？如果那种可能性不会令他感到不安，有没有让他焦虑的理由呢？爱德华的信心只适用于我恐惧的那部分。
Jacob ignored him, his dark eyes on me. He put his head down to my level, as he had yesterday, cocking it to one side. A low whimper escaped his muzzle.
雅各布没理会他，他乌黑的眼睛看着我。他低下头与我的齐平，就和他昨天做的那样偏向一侧，一阵低吼从他的皮毛里传了出来。
Friends who didn’t look nearly as indestructible as Emmett and Jasper did, moving faster than cobra strikes while the moonlight glinted off their granite-hard skin. Friends who didn’t seem to understand the danger involved here. Friends who were still somewhat mortal, friends who could bleed, friends who could die…
这些朋友看起来差不多和埃美特与贾斯帕一样坚不可摧，当月光掠过他们花岗岩一般坚硬的皮肤时他们移动的速度比眼镜蛇还要快，这些朋友似乎不了解这其中的危险。不管怎样这些朋友都只是凡人，他们也会流血，也会死……
“Jacob,” Edward greeted him politely.
“雅各布。”爱德华礼貌地和他打了个招呼。
I halfway smiled, too anxious to really feel amused. “There’s plenty to be worried about,” I told Jacob. “Like a bunch of really stupid wolves getting themselves hurt.”
我勉强挤出一个微笑，过于焦虑不安而不能感到其中的好玩之处。“有很多担心的地方，”我告诉雅各布，比如一群愚蠢的狼人让他们自己受伤啦。”
“He wants to know why,” Edward murmured.
“他想要知道为什么。”爱德华低声说道。
Edward sighed. “Jasper wants help. You’ll be okay without a translator?”
爱德华叹气道：“贾斯帕需要帮助，你没有翻译也没关系吧？”
Jacob continued to stare at me.
雅各布继续盯着我。
Jacob growled — not a threatening sound, an annoyed sound — and Edward’s lips twitched.
雅各布咆哮起来——不是威胁的声音，而是心烦意乱的声音——爱德华的嘴唇抽搐了一下。
“I’m fine,” I answered, not needing the translation that Edward was about to give. “Just worried, you know.”
“我很好，”我回答道，爱德华正好准备为我做翻译，但我并不需要，“只是很担心，你知道。”
“He thinks my translations leave something to be desired. What he actually thought was, ‘That’s really stupid. What is there to be worried about?’ I edited, because I thought it was rude.”
“他认为我的翻译遗漏了他想要表达的意思，他真正的想法是：‘这样真的很愚蠢，有什么好担心的？’我编辑了一下，因为我想这很粗鲁。”
“I’ll manage.”
“我能做到。”
Jacob laughed his coughing bark.
雅各布咯咯地大笑起来。
“What?” I asked.
“怎么啦？”我问道。
I sat down where I was. The ground was cold and uncomfortable.
我就地坐了下来，地面很冰冷，也很不舒服。
Edward looked at me wistfully for one minute, his expression hard to understand, then turned his back and strode over to where Jasper waited.
爱德华满心渴望地看了我一会儿，他的表情很难理解，接着他转过身，大步流星地朝贾斯帕等待的地方走去。
Jacob took a step forward, then looked back at me, and a low whine rose in his throat. He took another half-step.
雅各布朝前走了一步，接着回头看我，喉咙里响起一阵哀鸣。他又走了半步。
Jacob leaned his head to the side again for a moment, and then folded himself on to the ground beside me with a rumbling sigh.
雅各布又偏着头看了一会儿，接着轰隆隆地感叹着趴在我旁边的地上。
“Go on without me,” I told him. “I don’t want to watch.”
“你自己去吧，”我告诉他，“我不想观看。”
“Really, you can go ahead,” I assured him. He didn’t respond, he just put his head down on his paws.
“真的，你去吧。”我让他放心。他没有反应，只是把头放在爪子上。
“Er, thanks,” I muttered.
“呃，谢谢。”我低声说道。
I stared up at the bright silver clouds, not wanting to see the fight. My imagination had more than enough fuel. A breeze blew through the clearing, and I shivered.
我仰望着明亮的银色云朵，不想看搏斗，我的想象力里面有过多的刺激因素。一阵轻风在空地上拂过，我一阵颤抖。
Jacob scooted himself closer to me, pressing his warm fur against my left side.
雅各布迅速地朝我靠近，温暖的皮毛贴在我的左侧。
The clouds moved slowly across the sky, dimming and brightening as thick patches crossed the moon and passed on.
云朵缓缓地划过天际，一片片浓密的云朵穿过月亮继续移动时，天忽明忽暗了起来。
After a few minutes, I leaned against his wide shoulder. It was much more comfortable that way.
过了几分钟，我靠在他宽阔的肩膀上，这样舒服多了。
Absently, I began pulling my fingers through the fur on his neck. That same strange humming sound that he’d made yesterday rumbled in his throat. It was a homey kind of sound. Rougher, wilder than a cat’s purr, but conveying the same sense of contentment.
我心不在焉地用手指摩挲着他的毛。他的喉咙里低吼出和昨天晚上一样奇怪的嗡嗡声，这是一种像家人一样熟稔的声音。很沙哑，比猫的呜呜声更狂野，但是却传递出同样的满足感。
“So we’ve got some hiking to do tomorrow, I guess.”
“那么我们明天要去徒步了，我猜。”
“Aren’t you worried about Saturday at all?” I asked.
“难道你一点儿也不担心星期六吗？”我问道。
Jacob barked another laugh.
雅各布又笑着叫了一声。
It was strange. Even though he was in this bizarre form, this felt more like the way Jake and I used to be — the easy, effortless friendship that was as natural as breathing in and out — than the last few times I’d been with Jacob while he was human. Odd that I should find that again here, when I’d thought this wolf thing was the cause of its loss.
很奇怪，即使他的形状如此怪异，感觉却更像我和雅各布以前常常在一起的情景——那种犹如呼吸般自然的友谊，轻松、舒适、毫不费力——这比前几次他还是人形的时候还要像。奇怪的是我居然还能再次找到这样的感觉，我想到正是这头狼一样的生物致使那种感觉消失不见了。
He turned his enormous head toward me, so that I could see one of his eyes roll.
他巨大的头转向我，这样我就可以看见他的眼睛在骨碌碌地转了。
“I wish I could feel that positive.”
“我希望我也能感到那么肯定。”
He rumbled; the sound was enthusiastic.
他低吼了几声，声音很热情。
Jacob laughed; his body shook under me.
雅各布大笑起来，他的身体在我下面颤抖。
The killing games continued in the clearing, and I stared at the hazy moon.
杀戮游戏还在空地上继续，我盯着朦胧的月亮。
“You know, I never had a dog,” I mused. “I always wanted one, but Renee’s allergic.”
“你知道，我从来没养过狗，”我打趣道，“我一直想要一只，但是蕾妮过敏。”
I settled deeper into his warm fur, resting my head against his neck.
我更加紧紧地靠在他温暖的毛上面，头顶着他的脖子。
“It might be a long hike,” I warned him. “Edward doesn’t judge distances the way a normal person does.”
“这可能是一次漫长的徒步，”我提醒他，“爱德华判断距离的方式与普通人不一样。”
He leaned his head against my leg and started humming again. And it did make me feel just a little bit better.
他把头靠在我的腿上，又开始嗡嗡地低吼起来，这让我感到稍微好受了一些。
0 条评论