I hated to waste any part of the night in sleep, but that was inevitable. The sun was bright outside the window-wall when I woke, with small clouds scuttling too quickly across the sky. The wind rocked the treetops till the whole forest looked as if it was going to shake apart.
我讨厌把夜晚的任何时间浪费在睡觉上，但是那是不可避免的。我醒来的时候落地窗外已经阳光灿烂了，一朵朵小小的云彩飞也似的从天际疾驰而过。风吹动着树梢，整片森林似乎都要被摇撼开来一样。
He left me alone to get dressed, and I appreciated the chance to think. Somehow, my plan for last night had gone horribly awry, and I needed come to grips with the consequences. Though I’d given back the hand-me-down ring as soon as I could do it without hurting his feelings, my left hand felt heavier, like it was still in place, just invisible.
他让我一个人留下换衣服，我感激他给我思考的机会。不管怎样，昨天晚上几乎出了非常可怕的差错，我需要控制由此产生的后果。尽管我在不伤害他的感情的前提下已经尽可能快地归还了家传下来的戒指，我的左手感觉更加沉重了，好像仍然戴着它一样，只不过是看不见的罢了。
And then, when it was over, he’d have to fulfill his side of the bargain. I would concentrate on that, and forget the rest.
接着，结束之后，他就不得不履行他那方讨价还价达成的诺言。我会把注意力集中在那上面，忘记其他的。
This shouldn’t bother me, I reasoned. It was no big thing — a road trip to Vegas. I would go one better than old jeans — I would wear old sweats. The ceremony certainly couldn’t take very long; no more than fifteen minutes at the most, right? So I could handle that.
这不应该令我心烦意乱，我说服自己。这不是什么了不起的事情——只不过是开车到维加斯。我宁愿穿得更好一些而不是穿旧的牛仔裤——我宁愿穿旧的运动衫。仪式肯定不会很久；最多不超过十五分钟，对吧？所以我应付得了。
“I think ” — she made a face as she used the uncertain word — “that you’re going to want to pack for cold weather, Edward. I can’t see where you are exactly, because you’re taking off with that dog this afternoon. But the storm that’s coming seems particularly bad in that general area.”
“我想，”——她使用这个不确定的词语时做了个鬼脸——“你要考虑为寒冷的天气打点行囊，爱德华。我看不见你确切的位置，因为这个下午就要和那条狗一起出发了，但是即将来临的暴风雨在那片大致的区域里似乎特别大。”
Alice seemed to be in an unusually bad mood. I chalked it up to her frustration with feeling normal, because her first words to Edward were a complaint about working with the wolves.
爱丽丝的情绪好像出奇的不好。我把这归因于她感觉到很平凡时的挫败感，因为她对爱德华所说的第一句话就是抱怨和狼人们一起做事。
He said I didn’t have to tell anyone, and I was planning to hold him to that. Of course, it was very stupid of me not to think of Alice.
他说过我不一定要告诉其他人，我计划让他坚持这一点。当然啦，我不考虑爱丽丝是非常愚蠢的。
The Cullens got home around noon. There was a new, businesslike feel to the atmosphere around them, and it pulled me back into the enormity of what was coming.
卡伦家的人大约在中午的时候就回家了。他们身上弥漫着一种崭新的气氛，办事效率很高，这把我拉回到就要来临的残酷现实。
“It’s going to snow on the mountains,” she warned him.
“山上会下雪。”她向他预告。
“Wear a jacket,” Alice told me. Her voice was unfriendly, and that surprised me. I tried to read her face, but she turned away.
“穿上夹克。”爱丽丝告诉我，她的声音不友善，那样令我很惊讶。我想读懂她的脸色，但是她别开了。
Edward nodded.
爱德华点点头。
“Ew, snow,” I muttered to myself. It was June, for crying out loud.
“哟，雪。”我自言自语道。现在还只是六月，我才那么大声叫的。
Alice wandered into the garage while we were there, watching Edward’s preparations without a word. He ignored her.
我们来到车库的时候爱丽丝悠闲地走进来，一言不发地看着爱德华作准备，他没理会她。
Edward had more than enough camping gear to choose from — props in the human charade; the Cullens were good customers at the Newton’s store. He grabbed a down sleeping bag, a small tent, and several packets of dehydrated food — grinning when I made a face at them — and stuffed them all in a backpack.
爱德华有许多宿营的装备可供选择——人类演戏用的一切小道具；卡伦家族是牛顿商店的忠实顾客。他一把拉下一个睡袋，一个小帐篷，几包压缩食品——当我对着这些东西做鬼脸的时候他露齿一笑——然后把它们塞进背包里。
When he was done packing, Edward handed me his phone. “Why don’t you call Jacob and tell him we’ll be ready for him in an hour or so. He knows where to meet us.”
爱德华打好包后递给我他的电话：“为什么不打电话给雅各布，告诉他我们大概一个小时就准备就绪了，他知道在哪里和我们会合。”
Jacob wasn’t home, but Billy promised to call around until he could find an available werewolf to pass the news to.
雅各布不在家，但是比利答应等他找到可以带口信的狼人之后给我回电话。
I looked at Edward, and he was smiling; whatever was bugging Alice amused him.
我看着爱德华，他在微笑；不管是什么正在折磨着爱丽丝都让他感到很有趣。
“Yeah, I know Charlie’ll be fine.” I didn’t feel so confident about his son’s safety, but I didn’t add that.
“是的，我知道查理会没事的。”我对他儿子的安全倒没那么有信心，但是我没有补充这些。
“Don’t you worry about Charlie, Bella,” Billy said. “I’ve got my part of this under control.”
“别担心查理，贝拉，”比利说道，“我会尽职尽责使一切都在掌控之中的。”
“I wish I could be with the rest of them tomorrow.” Billy chuckled regretfully. “Being an old man is a hardship, Bella.”
“我希望明天我能和其他人在一起，”比利遗憾地轻声笑道，“当老人是很艰辛的，贝拉。”
“Good luck, Bella,” he answered. “And… pass that along to the, er, Cullens for me.”
“祝你好运，贝拉，”他回答道，“也……替我转告，呃，卡伦一冢。”
“Bella, could I please speak to you alone?” Alice asked swiftly.
“贝拉，我能和你单独谈谈吗？”爱丽丝即刻问道。
“Let her talk to me,” I told him. I was curious.
“让她跟我说。”我告诉他，感到很好奇。
“That was generous of him,” Edward said, breaking away from her.
“他那样很慷慨。”爱德华说道，眼神突然从她那里转移了回来。
He frowned.
他皱起眉头。
“It’s not,” Alice insisted. “This is a female thing.”
“不是，”爱丽丝坚持认为，“这是女性的事情。”
As I gave the phone back to Edward, I saw that he and Alice were having some kind of silent discussion. She was staring at him, pleading in her eyes. He was frowning back, unhappy with whatever she wanted.
当我把电话还给爱德华的时候，我看见他和爱丽丝正在进行某种沉默的讨论。她目不转睛地盯着他，眼里充满恳求。他则皱着眉头，不管她想要的是什么他都不是很高兴。
“This isn’t about you, Edward,” she shot back.
“这不是关于你的，爱德华。”她还击道。
The urge to fight must be a defining characteristic of the Y chromosome. They were all the same.
急切地想战斗肯定是Y染色体的定义特征，他们全都是一样的。
He laughed. Something about her response was funny to him.
他大笑起来，她的反应有些东西在他看来很有趣。
“You’re about to make my life harder than it needs to be, Alice,” Edward warned her through his teeth. “I’d really rather you didn’t.”
“爱丽丝，你就要使我的生活节外生枝，变得更加艰难了，”爱德华从牙缝中挤出这些警告的话语，“我真的宁愿你不要这么做。”
“Have fun with Charlie.”
“和查理过得愉快。”
“Billy said to tell you ‘good luck.'”
“比利让我跟你说‘祝你们好运’。”
“I will,” I promised, surprised by the gesture.
“我会的。”我答应道，对这个举动感到很惊讶。
“You asked for it,” he muttered. He laughed again — half angry, half amused — and strode out of the garage.
“是你自己要求的。”爱德华低声说道。他又大笑起来——生气和有趣参半——然后大步流星地走出车库。
“Bella?” Alice asked in a sad voice, shifting over and curling up against my side. Her voice sounded so miserable that I wrapped my arms around her shoulders in comfort.
“贝拉？”她语气悲伤地问道，在我旁边爬上爬下。她的声音听起来那么悲惨，我忍不住抱着她的肩膀安慰她。
She went to sit on the hood of her Porsche, her face dejected. I followed, and leaned against the bumper beside her.
她走过去坐在她的保时捷的车盖上，脸上露出气馁的表情。我跟着她，斜靠在她旁边的车挡上。
“Fine, you can come. There won’t be much to see.”
“好吧，你能来，没什么好看的。”
“Words!” she growled.
“只是说说而已！”她低声吼道。
“Oh,” I muttered, my cheeks turning pink. I could see that I had seriously hurt her feelings, and I hurried to defend myself. “You know how I hate to make a big deal out of things. It was Edward’s idea, anyway.”
“哦，”我低声咕哝道，我的脸颊变得粉红，看得出我真的伤了她的感情，“你知道我很讨厌小题大做。不管怎样，这是爱德华的主意。”我说这些话的时候语气中充满为自己辩护的意味。
“I don’t care whose idea it was. How could you do this to me? I expect that kind of thing from Edward, but not from you. I love you like you were my own sister.”
“我不在乎这是谁的主意，你怎么可以这样对我？我想过爱德华会那么对我，但我从没想过你也会这样对我，我爱你就像我自己的姐妹一样。”
“Then why do I see you sneaking off to Vegas to get married without inviting me?”
“可是我为什么看见你溜到维加斯结婚，还不邀请我？”
“To me, Alice, you are my sister.”
“对我而言，爱丽丝，你就是我的姐妹。”
“Don’t you love me?” she asked in that same sad tone.
“难道你不爱我吗？”她用同样悲伤的语气问道。
“Of course I do. You know that.”
“我当然爱啊，你知道的。”
“What’s wrong, Alice?”
“怎么啦，爱丽丝？”
I turned to Alice, worried now, but she didn’t look at me. Her bad mood hadn’t passed yet.
我转向爱丽丝，现在有些担心了，但是她没有看我，她糟糕的情绪还没有过去呢。
I folded my arms across my chest. “That is so unfair. And Edward kind of already used that one on me.”
我把胳膊环抱在胸前：“这样太不公平了，爱德华几乎也把这招用在我身上了。”
“No! I don’t want to do this!”
“不！我不想做这样的事情！”
I groaned. “I’d rather face the newborns alone.”
我痛苦地叫道：“我宁愿一个人面对新生吸血鬼。”
Her eyes glowed. “Is that a yes?”
她双目圆瞪：“那是你答应了吗？”
She was still grimacing.
她还是摆出一副苦瓜脸。
“Aw, Alice!” I groaned, pulling away and standing up. “No! Don’t do this to me.”
“哟，爱丽丝！”我痛苦地叫道，抽开身体站了起来，“不！别这样对我！”
“I’ll bet Edward would like it better if you did this traditionally, though he’d never tell you that. And Esme — think what it would mean to her!”
“我打赌如果你遵循传统来办，他会更喜欢的，尽管他从来都没跟你说过。而埃斯梅——想一想这对她意味着什么！”
She stared at me with pleading eyes, her long black eyebrows slanting up in the middle and pulling together, her lips trembling at the corners. It was a heart-breaking expression.
她带着恳求的眼神盯着我，长长的黑眉毛慢慢地向中间倾斜，然后紧皱在一起，她的嘴角在颤抖，这是一副心碎的表情。
“You won’t have to do anything but walk a few yards and then repeat after the minister.”
“你不必做任何事情，除了走几步路，重复牧师说的话。”
“Why?”
“为什么这么问？”
“If you really, truly love me, Bella.”
“如果你真的，真心地爱我，贝拉。”
“I’ll owe you for a decade.”
“我会欠你十年的。”
“What?” I demanded.
“什么？”我追问道。
“You’d owe me for a century!”
“你会欠我一个世纪！”
“How much do you love me, Bella?”
“你有多么爱我，贝拉？”
“Please, please, please,” she whispered. “Please, Bella, please — if you really love me… Please let me do your wedding.”
“求你了，求你了，求你了，”她轻轻地说道，“求你了，贝拉，求你了——如果你真的爱我……求你让我为你办婚礼。”
“I’ll never, never ever forgive you for this, Alice.”
“我永远，永远，永远都不会原谅你这样做的，爱丽丝。”
“Edward!” I yelled, stalking out of the garage. “I know you’re listening. Get over here.” Alice was right behind me, still clapping.
“爱德华！”我大声嚷嚷道，踱着步子走出车库，“我知道你在听，过来。”爱丽丝就在我身后，还在拍手掌。
“Don’t be mean,” I grumbled at her. “He’s trying to make me happy, unlike you.”
“别说得那么难听，”我对她满腹牢骚地说道，“他只是想让我开心，不像你。”
“That’s not a yes!”
“那可不是答应！”
“But it will be,” she sang.
“但是它会变成是的。”她满心欢喜地叫道。
“Please!” She started bouncing in place. “Please, please, please, please, please!”
“求你了！”她开始在原地蹦来蹦去，“求你了，求你了，求你了，求你了，求你了！”
“Thanks so much, Alice,” Edward said acidly, coming from behind me. I turned to let him have it, but his expression was so worried and upset that I couldn’t speak my complaints. I threw my arms around him instead, hiding my face, just in case the angry moisture in my eyes made it look like I was crying.
“非常感谢你，爱丽丝！”爱德华挖苦道，从我身后钻了出来。我转过身让他评评理，但是他的表情如此担忧，如此难过，我没法说出抱怨的话来。相反我伸出胳膊抱住他，把脸藏了起来，以防我眼里泛起的泪花会让我看起来像在哭泣一样。
“Not a chance,” Alice gloated. “Bella would never do that to me. You know, Edward, as a brother, you are sometimes a disappointment.”
“想都没想，”爱丽丝责备道，“贝拉永远都不会那么对我的。你知道，爱德华，作为哥哥，你有时候真让人失望。”
“Ugh! Ugh, ugh!”
“啊！啊！啊！”
“I’m trying to make you happy, too, Bella. It’s just that I know better what will make you happy… in the long run. You’ll thank me for this. Maybe not for fifty years, but definitely someday.”
“我也在努力使你开心啊，贝拉，只是我更了解什么才会让你开心……从长远来看，你会为此感谢我的。或许不会是五十年，但是总有一天你肯定会的。”
“Yay!” she squealed, clapping her hands together.
“耶！”她尖叫着拍起了手掌。
“Vegas,” Edward promised in my ear.
“维加斯。”爱德华在我耳边保证道。
She laughed her silvery laugh. “So, are you going to show me the ring?”
她银铃般地大笑起来：“那么，你打算给我看一看戒指吗？”
“I never thought I’d see the day where I’d be willing to take a bet against you, Alice, but it has arrived.”
“我从来没想过哪一天我会心甘情愿地跟你打赌，爱丽丝，不过这一天到了。”
I grimaced in horror as she grabbed my left hand and then dropped it just as quickly.
当她抓住我的左手然后同样迅速地松开时，我恐怖地做了个鬼脸。
“Huh. I saw him put it on you… Did I miss something?” she asked. She concentrated for half a second, furrowing her brow, before she answered her own questions. “No. Wedding’s still on.”
“啊哈，我看见他戴在你……我错过了什么吗？”她问道，她仔细思考了片刻，眉毛紧锁，然后自己回答了自己的问题，不，婚礼还是会进行的。”
“Bella has issues with jewelry,” Edward explained.
“贝拉对珠宝有些异议。”爱德华解释道。
“What’s one more diamond? Well, I guess the ring has lots of diamonds, but my point is that he’s already got one on –“
“再多一颗钻石如何？好吧，我猜戒指上有许多钻石，但是我的意思是他已经把一个戴在——”
“Enough, Alice!” Edward cut her off suddenly. The way he glared at her… he looked like a vampire again. “We’re in a hurry.”
“够了，爱丽丝！”爱德华突然打断她，他愤怒地盯着她的样子……他看起来又像个吸血鬼了：“我们很着急。”
“We’ll talk about it later,” Alice said. “Edward is right — you’d better get going. You’ve got to set a trap and make camp before the storm comes.” She frowned, and her expression was anxious, almost nervous. “Don’t forget your coat, Bella. It seems… unseasonably cold.”
“我们稍后再谈，”爱丽丝说道，“爱德华是对的——你最好出发吧，你要布下陷阱，在暴风雨来临之前搭好帐篷。”她皱起眉头，表情又变得焦虑，差不多紧张起来，“别忘了你的外套，贝拉，天似乎……冷得不合时令。”
“I don’t understand. What’s that about diamonds?” I asked.
“我不理解，对于钻石怎么啦？”我问道。
It was twice as far to the clearing as usual; Edward took a long detour, making sure my scent would be nowhere near the trail Jacob would hide later. He carried me in his arms, the bulky backpack in my usual spot.
那个地方离这里的距离比空地远一倍；爱德华迂回地走了很远，以确保我的气味不会靠近雅各布稍后把我藏起来的地方。他把我抱在怀里，鼓鼓囊囊的大背包放在老地方。
He stopped at the farthest end of the clearing and set me on my feet.
他在空地最那头停了下来，然后把我放在地上。
“Have a nice night,” she told us in farewell.
“祝你们晚上过得愉快。”她跟我道别。
“All right. Just walk north for a ways, touching as much as you can. Alice gave me a clear picture of their path, and it won’t take long for us to intersect it.”
“好吧，只是往北走几步，接触尽可能多的东西。爱丽丝为我明确地描绘了他们会走的路线，我们用不了多久就会和他们会合。”
“I’ve already got it,” Edward assured her.
“我已经带好了。”爱德华安慰她道。
He smiled and pointed out the right direction.
他微笑着指向正确的方向。
“North?”
“往北？”
I wandered into the woods, leaving the clear yellow light of the strangely sunny day in the clearing behind me. Maybe Alice’s blurred sight would be wrong about the snow. I hoped so.
我在树林里漫无目的地走着，天出奇地晴朗，明亮的黄色光芒洒落在空地上。或许爱丽丝模糊的预见力对下雪的判断是错误的，我希望如此。
The sky was mostly clear, though the wind whipped furiously through the open spaces. In the trees it was calmer, but much too cold for June — even in a long-sleeved shirt with a thick sweater over the top, there were goose bumps on my arms. I walked slowly, trailing my fingers over anything close enough: the rough tree bark, the wet ferns, the moss-covered rocks.
天空几乎是清澈透明的，尽管狂风像鞭笞一样猛烈地扫过空地。树林里要安静一些，但是对六月而言还是太冷了——即使穿着长袖衣服，上身还穿着厚厚的运动衫，我的胳膊上还是起了鸡皮疙瘩。我慢慢地走着，在离我足够近的所有东西上留下踪迹：粗糙的树干，潮湿的蕨类，被苔藓覆盖的岩石。
It was gloomy under the trees, and I wished I could walk closer to Edward and hold his hand.
树荫下很阴暗，我希望我能够离爱德华更近，握住他的手。
“Perfectly.”
“非常好。”
I had an idea. “Will this help?” I asked as I ran my fingers through my hair and caught a few loose strands. I draped them over the ferns.
我想到一个主意，“这样会有所帮助吗？”我一边说着一边用手指摸了摸头发，一把抓下几缕，我把它们洒在蕨类植物上面。
“Am I doing this right?” I called.
“我这样做对吗？”我喊道。
“Yes, that does make the trail stronger. But you don’t need to pull your hair out, Bella. It will be fine.”
“是的，那的确会让气味更强烈一些，但是你也没有必要把头发拔下来，贝拉，没关系的。”
I wedged another hair into a broken branch that cut through my path.
我把另一根头发插进横在我面前的一根短树丫里。
I repressed a sigh. It would hurt his feelings if I told the truth — that it didn’t really matter, because it was all just varying degrees of awful anyway.
我克制住感叹的冲动。如果我告诉他真话会让他受伤害的——那其实真的没关系，因为只不过是在不同程度上让人感到很难受罢了。
“Don’t worry about it, Edward. I’m not going to leave you at the altar, regardless.” I had a sinking feeling that Alice was going to get her way, mostly because she was totally unscrupulous when there was something she wanted, and also because I was a sucker for guilt trips.
“别担心，爱德华，不管怎样，我不打算把你一个人留在圣坛前。”我心里一沉，爱丽丝会得逞主要是因为有她想要得到的东西时，她会完全不择手段，而且因为她说到内疚的旅程时，我立即就相信她了。
“You don’t need to let Alice have her way, you know,” Edward said.
“你不必处处让着爱丽丝，你知道。”爱德华说道。
“I’ve got a few extras I can spare.”
“我有多余不用的。”
“That’s not what I’m worried about. I want this to be what you want it to be.”
“那不是我所担心的，我想这应该是你所想要的方式。”
Edward stayed with me, walking a parallel line about twenty yards away.
爱德华和我待在一起，在离我差不多二十码远的地方和我平行向前。
It took a while for me to reach the spot where the newborn army would be certain to cross my trail, but Edward never got impatient with my pace.
我过了好一会儿才来到新生吸血鬼一定会经过我的足迹的地点，但是爱德华从未对我的速度表现出丝毫的不耐烦。
“Well, even if she does get her way, we can keep it small. Just us. Emmett can get a clerical license off the Internet.”
“好吧，即使她得逞了，我们也可以办个小型的，埃美特可以从因特网上获得牧师证书。”
“See,” he said with a smile. “There’s always a compromise.”
“明白吗？”他面带微笑地说道，“总是会有妥协的。”
I giggled. “That does sound better.” It wouldn’t feel very official if Emmett read the vows, which was a plus. But I’d have a hard time keeping a straight face.
我咯咯地笑道：“那听起来的确好多了。”如果由埃美特来宣渎誓词，那会对我更有利，就不会感到很正式。
“I’m fine. Stay where you are. I’m bleeding. It will stop in a minute.”
“我很好，待在那里。我在流血，一会儿就会停了。”
We were almost to the clearing when I fell. I could see the wide opening ahead, and that’s probably why I got too eager and forgot to watch my feet. I caught myself before my head bashed into the nearest tree, but a small branch snapped off under my left hand and gouged into my palm.
我们差不多就要到达空地时我摔了一跤，我能看见前面空旷的空地，那很可能是为什么我变得迫不及待、忘记注意脚下的原因。在我的头撞在离我最近的树上之前我站稳了，但是一根小树枝戳在我的左手内侧，一直刮到手掌。
“Ouch! Oh, fabulous,” I muttered.
“啊哟！噢，好极了。”我小声抱怨道。
He had to lead a bit more on the way back, to keep me on the same path. It all looked alike to me.
在回去的路上他不得不多走几步路，让我按原路返回。周遭的一切在我看来完全一样。
“Are you all right?”
“你没事吧？”
He ignored me. He was right there before I could finish.
他没理会我的话，没等我说完就来到我身边了。
“This is all I get to do. I want to do a good job.”
“这是我能做的一切，我想表现好一些。”
“Well, you have,” Edward assured me. “The newborns will be frantic, and Jasper will be very impressed with your dedication. Now let me treat your hand — you’ve gotten the cut dirty.”
“好吧，你做得很好，”爱德华安慰我道，“新生儿们会发狂的，贾斯帕会对你的奉献印象深刻的。现在让我来处理你的手——你弄脏伤口了。”
“I’m not uncomfortable,” he said calmly. “Here — let me clean it.”
“我没有不舒服，”他平静地说道，“来吧——让我清理一下伤口。”
“Hold your breath,” I told him.
“屏住呼吸。”我告诉他。
“Jasper will love this,” I muttered to myself. I started for the clearing again, pressing my palm against everything in my path. “I’ll bet this really gets them going.”
“贾斯帕会喜欢这个的，”我自言自语地说道，我又开始往空地走去，把手掌放在我经过的一切东西上，“我打赌这真的会让他们疯狂起来的。”
Edward sighed.
爱德华叹了叹气。
Without looking at the blood and breathing through my mouth, just in case my stomach might react, I pressed my hand against a rock within my reach.
我没看流血的手，喘着气以免反胃，我把手压在我够得着的岩石上。
“What are you doing?”
“你在做什么？”
“It’s not bad. I can take care of it — you don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable.”
“不是很严重，我可以自己处理的——你没有必要让自己不舒服。”
“I’m fine. I just think you’re going overboard.”
“我很好，我只是想你有些走极端了。”
“Wait a second, I just got another idea.”
“等一等，我刚刚想到一个点子。”
We broke through the last of the trees as I spoke. I let my injured hand graze across the ferns.
说着话的时候，我们俩不知不觉穿过最后一片树林，我让受伤的手轻轻地掠过蕨类植物。
“I’ve got a first aid kit,” he said, pulling off the backpack. “I had a feeling I might need it.”
“我带了急救箱，”他说着放下背包，“我有种预感，我们可能会用得着。”
“You… got over it? When? How?” I tried to remember the last time he’d held his breath around me. All I could think of was my wretched birthday party last September.
“你……已经克服了？什么时候？怎么做到的？”我努力回想上一次他在我身边屏住呼吸的情景，我所能想到的只是去年九月我度过的那个悲惨的生日。
Edward pursed his lips, seeming to search for the words. “I lived through an entire twenty-four hours thinking that you were dead, Bella. That changed the way I look at a lot of things.”
爱德华嘟起嘴巴，似乎在寻找适合的词：“在我以为你死了的二十四个小时里，我备受煎熬，挺了过来，贝拉，这改变了我看待许多事情的方式。”
He shrugged. “I got over it.”
他耸耸肩：“我已经克服了。”
He took my hand and smiled as he examined it. “This doesn’t bother me anymore.”
他握住我的手，检查的时候脸上带着微笑：“这已经不再让我感到烦恼了。”
I watched him carefully as he cleaned the gash, looking for some sign of distress. He continued to breathe evenly in and out, the same small smile on his lips.
我专注地看着他清理划得很深的伤口，想要寻找一丝苦恼的痕迹。他继续平稳而均匀地呼吸，嘴巴上仍然挂着相同的微笑。
“Let me do it, please.”
“让我来吧，求你了。”
“Not at all. But… having experienced the way it feels to think I’ve lost you… my reactions have changed. My entire being shies away from any course that could inspire that kind of pain again.”
“完全不是这样，但是……我以为失去了你，经历过这样的感觉……我的反应发生了改变，我整个人都会避开任何可能再次引起那种痛苦经历的事情。”
“Why not?” I finally asked as he smoothed a bandage across my palm.
“为什么不了呢？”他抚平我手掌上的绷带时，我终于开口问道。
“Did it change the way I smell to you?”
“那也改变了我的气味对你的影响吗？”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
我不知道该说些什么。
He smiled at my expression. “I guess that you could call it a very educational experience.”
他看着我的表情微笑着说：“我猜你会称之为一次非常有教育意义的经历。”
“All right,” he said, reaching into his pack again. “You’ve done your part.” He pulled out my heavy winter jacket and held it out for me to slide my arms in. “Now it’s out of our hands. Let’s go camping!”
“好吧”，他说道，又把手伸进背包，“你已经做了你该做的。”他抽出我那件厚厚的棉衣，撑好它以便让我把胳膊伸进去，现在已经不归我们管了，我们去宿营吧！”
The wind tore through the clearing then, lashing my hair around my face and making me shiver.
就在那时，一阵风横扫过空地，吹得我满脸都是头发，使我浑身一阵哆嗦。
I laughed at the mock enthusiasm in his voice.
听见他故作热情的口吻，我大笑起来。
“Where are we meeting Jacob?” I asked.
“我们要在哪里和雅各布会合？”我问道。
It shouldn’t have surprised me to see him human. I wasn’t sure why I’d been looking for the big red-brown wolf.
看见他的人形时本不应该吓到我的，我不确定为什么我一直在寻找一匹硕大的棕红色狼。
He took my bandaged hand — the other was in worse shape, still in the brace — and started toward the other side of the clearing.
他牵着我缠着绷带的手——另一只的情况更糟禚，还戴着矫形套——开始朝空地的另一边走去。
“Right here.” He gestured to the trees in front of us just as Jacob stepped warily from their shadows.
“就在这儿。”他指着我们前面的树林，与些同时雅各布警觉地从树影中跳了出来。
Jacob seemed bigger again — no doubt a product of my expectations; I must have unconsciously been hoping to see the smaller Jacob from my memory, the easygoing friend who hadn’t made everything so difficult. He had his arms folded across his bare chest, a jacket clutched in one fist. His face was expressionless as he watched us.
雅各布似乎又长大了一些——毫无疑问是我期待的产物；我肯定不自觉地希望看见我记忆中体型稍小年幼的雅各布，那个性格随和不会让事情变得这么棘手的朋友要。他双臂交叉环抱在赤裸的胸口上，把夹克衫紧紧握在予甲，他看看我们脸上，面无表情。
“Hello, Jacob,” Edward said.
“哈罗，雅各布。”爱德华说道。
“Hey, Jake,” I greeted him when we got closer.
“嘿，杰克。”我们走近一些的时候我问候了一声。
“We’re here now,” Edward said, reaching over to touch the right spot. Jacob recoiled from his hand automatically, and then steadied himself. Edward pretended not to notice.
“现在我们在这里。”爱德华说道，把手伸过去指在我们所在的位置上。雅各布机械地从他的手边缩了回去，接着让自己平静下来，爱德华假装没有注意到。
Edward pulled a map from a side pocket on the pack and offered it to him. Jacob unfolded it.
爱德华从背包的侧袋时抽出一张地图给了他，雅各布把它打开。
Jacob ignored the pleasantry, all business. “Where do I take her?”
雅各布无视礼仪，一副公事公办的模样：“我把她带到哪里？”
Edward’s lips pulled down at the corners. “There had to have been a better way to do this.”
爱德华的嘴唇拉到了嘴角：“本来有更好的办法来解决此事的。”
“Hi, Bella.”
“嗨，贝拉。”
“And you’re taking her up here,” Edward continued, tracing a serpentine pattern around the elevation lines on the paper. “Roughly nine miles.”
“你把她带到这儿来，”爱德华继续说，一边在纸上的海拔线上绕着一个蜿蜒的图案。大约九英里。”
Jacob nodded once.
雅各伯点了点头。
He sighed.
他叹了叹气。
“Too late now,” I muttered glumly.
“现在太迟了。”我闷闷不乐地说道。
“I’ll take a longer route,” Edward said. “And I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“我会走一条更远的路线，”爱德华说道，“几个小时后再和你们会合。”
Jacob seemed to have to work harder than Edward to keep the tone polite.
雅各布似乎要付出比爱德华更大的努力才能保持礼貌的口吻。
“When you’re about a mile away, you should cross my path. That will lead you in. Do you need the map?”
“你要带她朝北走，到这里，”爱德华继续说道，顺看地图的仰角线画出一个迂回的，你需要地图吗？”
“No, thanks. I know this area pretty well. I think I know where I’m going.”
“不，谢谢。我对这片区域非常了解，我想我知道我要去哪里。”
He bent down and swept his arm behind my knees, knocking them out from under me. His other arm caught me before my head hit the ground.
他蹲了下来，用胳膊从我的膝盖后面揽住我，一把把我抱了起来。在我的头着地之前，他的另一只胳膊抓住了我。
“Running doesn’t make me tired,” he said. His breathing was even — like the fixed tempo of a marathoner. “Besides, it will be colder soon. I hope he gets the camp set up before we get there.”
“跑不会让我疲劳，”他说道，他的呼吸很均匀——就像马拉松运动员一样，有固定的节奏，此外，不久天就会更冷了，我希望我们到之前他能搭好帐篷。”
As soon as he was gone, Jacob turned cheerful.
他一消失，雅各布就变得兴高采烈起来。
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Bunch of vampires trying to kill you. The usual.”
“是的”他同意道，“一群吸血鬼想要杀死你，和平时一样。”
“What’s up, Bella?” he asked with a big grin.
“怎么啦，贝拉？”他问道，脸上挂着一个大大的笑容。
“Well,” he said as he shrugged into his jacket to free his arms. “Let’s get going.”
“好吧，”他边说边抖动着肩膀穿上夹克，腾出胳膊，“我们出发吧。”
“The usual.”
“和平时一样。”
Edward faded into the trees, heading in the opposite direction.
爱德华朝相反的方向渐渐消失在树林里。
“Jerk,” I muttered.
“笨蛋。”我嘟囔道。
I rolled my eyes. “Same old, same old.”
我转了转眼珠子：“还是一样大，还是一样大。”
Making a face, I took a small step closer to him.
我摆出一副苦瓜脸向他迈近一小步。
“See you,” I murmured.
“回头见。”我低声说道。
“You don’t have to run. You’ll get tired.”
“你没必要跑，会很累的。”
Jacob chuckled, already running through the trees. He kept a steady pace, a brisk jog that a fit human could keep up with… across a level plane… if they weren’t burdened with a hundred-plus pounds as he was.
雅各布轻轻地笑了笑，已经在树林里奔驰了。他保持匀速，是那种健康人能够跟上的轻快的慢跑……横穿过同一片平地……要是他们不是和他一样还抱着一个一百多磅的人的话。
Edward stared at me unhappily. He didn’t like this part of the plan.
爱德华不悦地盯着我，他不喜欢计划中的这部分。
He snorted. “A rock. Figures.”
他不屑一顾地说道：“一块石头，象征物。”
I looked down, and realized that the crystal heart was facing up on my wrist.
我低头看了看，意识到水晶心贴在我的手腕上方。
“I guess you wouldn’t. Your senses are too dull.”
“我猜你不会看见，你的感官太迟钝了。”
I let that pass. “Alice was worried about the storm, too.”
我暂且没理会他：“爱丽丝也担心暴风雨呢。”
“It takes a lot to silence the forest this way. You picked a hell of a night for a camping trip.”
“要费很大工夫才能让森林这样寂静，你挑选了一个糟糕透顶的夜晚出来露营。”
The pathless way he took began to climb more and more steeply, but it didn’t slow him down. He leapt easily from rock to rock, not seeming to need his hands at all. His perfect balance reminded me of a mountain goat.
他走的那条没有道路的路线向上攀缘，越来越陡峭了，不过这并没有让他慢下来。他轻松地从一块岩石上跳到另一块上，似乎根本不需要用手一样，他完美的平衡能力让我想到羚山羊。
“What’s with the addition to your bracelet?” he asked.
“你的手镯上多了什么东西？”他问道。
I tapped my finger against the thick padding of his parka. “I thought you didn’t get cold now.”
我的手指轻轻地拍打着他塞得厚厚的派克式外套，我以为现在你不会冷呢。”
“It wasn’t entirely my idea.”
“并不完全是我的主意。”
“Um, not really.”
“呃，真的没看见呢。”
“I don’t. I brought this for you, just in case you weren’t prepared.” He looked at my jacket, almost as if he were disappointed that I was. “I don’t like the way the weather feels. It’s making me edgy. Notice how we haven’t seen any animals?”
“我不会，我为你带来的，以防你没准备。”他看着我的夹克，差不多和我一样失望．“我不喜欢这种天气给人的感觉，这让我感到烦躁不安。我们没看见什么动物，你注意到了吗？”
I shrugged guiltily. “Another graduation present.”
我内疚地耸了耸肩：“另一份毕业礼物。”
“So it’s been a while since you came down to La Push,” Jacob said, interrupting my disturbing conjectures.
“这么说来你已经有些时候没去拉普西了。”雅各布说道，他打断了我的胡思乱想。
I shrugged.
我耸了耸肩。
“Nope.”
“不是。”
“Been thinking about that last time a lot, have you?”
“总是想起上回吧。是不是？”
A rock? I was suddenly reminded of Alice’s unfinished sentence outside the garage. I stared at the bright white crystal and tried to remember what Alice had been saying before… about diamonds.
一块石头？这突然让我想到爱丽丝在车库外面没说完的话。我盯着这块明亮的白色水晶，努力回想起之前爱丽丝所说的话……关于钻石的。
He grimaced. “I thought you were supposed to be the forgiving one, and I was the grudge-holder.”
他做了个鬼脸：“我以为你应该是那个原谅别人的人，而我是那个耿耿于怀的人呢。”
He laughed. “Either you’re lying, or you are the stubbornest person alive.”
他大笑起来：“你要么是在撒谎，要么就是活在世界上的最顽固的人。”
“I’ve been busy,” I told him. “And… I probably wouldn’t have visited, anyway.”
“我一直很忙，”我告诉他，“而且……不管怎样，我很可能也不会过去。”
“I don’t know about the second part, but I’m not lying.”
“我对第二个选项不了解，但是我没撒谎。”
Could she have been trying to say he’s already got one on you? As in, I was already wearing one diamond from Edward? No, that was impossible. The heart would have to be five carats or something crazy like that! Edward wouldn’t —
她会不会想要说他已经给你戴上了一颗？果真如此的话，我真的正戴着爱德华送给我的钻石吗？不，那是不可能的，那颗心得有五克拉，或者诸如此类不可思议的东西呢！爱德华不会——
I didn’t like having this conversation under the present conditions — with his too-warm arms wrapped tightly around me and nothing at all I could do about it. His face was closer than I wanted it to be. I wished I could take a step back.
我不喜欢在眼前这种情况下谈论这些——他的两只过于温暖的手臂紧紧地抱着我，而我根本无能为力。他的脸离我很近，超过了我的愿望，我希望我可以后退一步。
He muttered something unintelligible.
他咕哝了一些我听不明白的话。
“Besides me.”
“除了我之外。”
I shrugged. I wasn’t going to take it back.
我耸了耸肩，我不打算收回我所说的话。
“Some people will go to any lengths to delude themselves.”
“有些人喜欢自欺欺人，不惜走许多弯路。”
“I’ve noticed that werewolves in particular are prone to that mistake — do you think it’s a genetic thing?”
“我注意到狼人特别容易犯那样的错误——你觉得这是不是跟基因有关呢？”
“I have,” I retorted.
“我考虑过了。”我反驳道。
“Does that mean that he’s a better kisser that I am?” Jacob asked, suddenly glum.
“那是否意味着他比我吻得更好呢？”雅各布突然闷闷不乐地问道。
“I really couldn’t say, Jake. Edward is the only person I’ve ever kissed.”
“我真的不能说什么，杰克，爱德华是我唯一亲吻过的人。”
“But I don’t count that as a kiss, Jacob. I think of it more as an assault.”
“不过我不能把那算成吻，雅各布，我更认为那是强暴。”
“Ouch! That’s cold.”
“哎哟！那样很冷！”
“A smart person looks at all sides of a decision.”
“聪明人会全面地考虑再作决定。”
“That conversation isn’t relevant to my decision.”
“那次谈话和我的决定无关。”
“I did apologize about that,” he reminded me.
“对此我的确道过歉。”他提醒我。
It was quiet then for a while; there was just the sound of his measured breathing and the wind roaring high above us in the treetops. A cliff face rose sheer beside us, bare, rough gray stone. We followed the base as it curved upward out of the forest.
接着安静了一会儿；只有他有规律的呼吸声，以及风在我们头顶上刮过，穿过高高的树梢时发出的咆哮声。一段悬崖陡峭地在我们旁边拔地而起，从森林中攀升上去直耸云霄。
“If you haven’t thought at all about our… er, conversation the last time you came over, then that’s not true.”
“如果你根本没想过我们……呃，那么你上一次过来的时候我们的谈话，你所说的就不是真的。”
“And I forgave you… mostly. It doesn’t change the way I remember it.”
“而且我原谅你了……大部分是这样，这并不改变我对此事的记忆是什么样的。”
I kept my voice cool. “I know exactly what I want.”
我保持冷静的语气说道：“我千真万确地知道我想要什么。”
“I still think it’s pretty irresponsible,” Jacob suddenly said.
“我仍然认为那样是不负责任的。”雅各布突然说道。
“Whatever you’re talking about, you’re wrong.”
“无论你在说什么，你都是错误的。”
“Think about it, Bella. According to you, you’ve kissed just one person — who isn’t even really a person — in your whole life, and you’re calling it quits? How do you know that’s what you want? Shouldn’t you play the field a little?”
“想一想，贝拉，据你所言，你只吻过一个人——他并不是真正的人——在你整个的人生中，你就要放弃这些了？你怎么知道那就是你所想要的？难道你不应该在场内多玩一会儿吗？”
“Then it couldn’t hurt to double check. Maybe you should try kissing someone else — just for comparison’s sake… since what happened the other day doesn’t count. You could kiss me, for example. I don’t mind if you want to use me to experiment.”
“那么再检查一下又不会让你受伤，或许你应该试着吻一吻别人——只是为了比较一下……既然前几天发生的不算数的话。比如，你可以吻我，如果你想拿我做实验的话，我并不介意。”他开玩笑地说。
He pulled me tighter against his chest, so that my face was closer to his. He was smiling at his joke, but I wasn’t taking any chances.
他把我抱在胸口抱得更紧了，这样我的脸离他的就更近了。他笑了笑，但是我不打算冒险。
“Don’t mess with me, Jake. I swear I won’t stop him if he wants to break your jaw.”
“别糊弄我，杰克，我发誓如果他要拧断你的脖子我是不会阻止的。”
The panicky edge to my voice made him smile wider. “If you ask me to kiss you, he won’t have any reason to get upset. He said that was fine.”
我声音里的焦急使他笑得更开心了：“如果你要我吻你的话，他不会有任何理由不高兴，他说过那样没关系。”
“Don’t hold your breath, Jake — no, wait, I changed my mind. Go right ahead. Just hold your breath until I ask you to kiss me.”
“别屏住呼吸，杰克——不，等等，我改变主意了。继续吧，一直屏住呼吸直到我要你吻我。”
He pursed his broad lips thoughtfully. “No, I don’t think that’s it. I think it’s easier for you to be near me when I’m not human, because you don’t have to pretend that you’re not attracted to me.”
他若有所思地嘟起了厚厚的嘴唇：“不，我可不那么想。我想当我不是人的时候，你更容易接近我，因为你不用装出一副不被我吸引的模样。”
My mouth fell open with a little popping sound. I snapped it shut at once, grinding my teeth together.
我的嘴巴突然张开了，还发出轻微的砰的声音。我立即啪的一声闭起嘴巴，咬紧牙关。
“Sometimes I do. It probably has something to do with the way you can’t talk.”
“有时候我的确是这么想的，很可能与你不能说话有关。”
“How could anyone not be aware of you physically, Jacob?” I demanded. “You’re an enormous monster who refuses to respect anyone else’s personal space.”
“有谁又怎能不了解你的体型呢，雅各布？”我追问道，“你是个拒绝尊重他人个人空间的巨型恶魔。”
“I wonder why?”
“我倒想知道为什么？”
He heard that. His lips pulled tightly across his face in a triumphant smile.
他听见了，一抹胜利的微笑若隐若现地爬上他的嘴唇。
“I make you nervous. But only when I’m human. When I’m a wolf, you’re more comfortable around me.”
“我让你感到紧张了，不过只是在我是人的时候。当我是狼的时候，你在我身边更加自在。”
I took a slow breath before I spoke. “No. I’m pretty sure it’s because you can’t talk.”
我慢慢地吸了一口气开口说道：“不，我很确信是因为你不能说话。”
“You’re in a bad mood today.”
“今天你情绪不好啊。”
He sighed. “Do you ever get tired of lying to yourself? You have to know how aware you are of me. Physically, I mean.”
他感叹道：“你就不曾因为自欺欺人感到疲倦吗？你得知道你有多么了解我。我的意思是身体上。”
“Sometimes I think you like me better as a wolf.”
“有时候我认为你更喜欢我是狼的样子。”
I stared him down, knowing exactly what he was trying to do.
我目不转睛地盯着他，想让他望而却步，我心里十分清楚他想要干什么。
“It’s your face,” I reminded him.
“当心你的脸。”我提醒他。
He stared at me for a minute, slowing to a walk, the amusement draining from his face. His eyes narrowed, turned black in the shadow of his brows. His breathing, so regular as he ran, started to accelerate. Slowly, he leaned his face closer to mine.
他盯着我看了一会儿，减慢速度开始走了，脸上逗乐的表情渐渐消失了。他的眼睛眯了起来，在眉毛的阴影下变成黑色。他的呼吸和他跑的时候一样均匀，现在逐渐变得急促起来。慢慢地，他把脸向我逼近。
“Nervousness and irritation are not the same thing.”
“紧张和烦躁是不一样的事情。”
He laughed loudly and started jogging again. “I don’t really want to fight with your vampire tonight — I mean, any other night, sure. But we both have a job to do tomorrow, and I wouldn’t want to leave the Cullens one short.”
他大声地笑了起来，又开始慢跑了：“我今晚并不想和你的吸血鬼打架——我的意思是，其他晚上，我当然会，但是我们明天都有事情要做，我可不想卡伦家少一个人。”
“I know, I know,” he responded, not understanding. “You think he could take me.”
“我知道，我知道，”他回答道，并不理解我在想什么，“你认为他可以打败我。”
The sudden, unexpected swell of shame distorted my expression.
一阵突如其来、意想不到的羞愧感扭曲了我的表情。
“What’s the matter with you, Bella?” The joking bravado vanished from his face, revealing my Jacob underneath, like pulling a mask away. “If something I said upset you, you know I was only kidding. I didn’t mean anything — hey, are you okay? Don’t cry, Bella,” he pled.
“你怎么啦，贝拉？”虚张声势的玩笑从他脸上消失了，呈现出藏在面具背后的我的雅各布，如果我说了什么让你感到难过，你知道我只是开玩笑。我没其他意思——嘿，你没事吧？别哭，贝拉。”他恳求道。
I couldn’t speak. I was leaving them one short. What if someone got hurt because I was so weak? But what if I was brave and Edward… I couldn’t even think it.
我无法说话，我让他们少了一个人。要是因为我如此懦弱有人受伤了呢？但是要是我很勇敢，爱德华……我想都不敢想。
I tried to pull myself together. “I’m not going to cry.”
我努力振作起来：“我没打算哭。”
He snorted. My eyes opened slowly, and I was sad to see that the hard mask was back.
他哼了一声。我慢慢地睁开眼睛，悲伤地看见那副冷漠坚硬的面具又回来了。
“What did I say?”
“我说了什么？”
He stared at me, his eyes wide with confusion.
他盯着我，眼睛睁得很大，露出迷惑不解的神情。
“No, no. I’m not afraid of that. I just… I can’t let him go. If he didn’t come back…” I shuddered, closing my eyes to escape the thought.
“不，不，我不是担心那些。我只是……不能让他去。如果他不回来的话……”我不寒而栗，闭上眼睛不去想那个念头。
I kept whispering, my eyes shut. “If anyone gets hurt, it will always be my fault. And even if no one does… I was horrible. I had to be, to convince him to stay with me. He won’t hold it against me, but I’ll always know what I’m capable of.” I felt just a tiny bit better, getting this off my chest. Even if I could only confess it to Jacob.
我闭着眼睛，继续轻声说道：“如果有人受伤，都会是我的错，即使没有人受伤……我也是个可怕的人。我不得不那样，说服他和我在一起。他不会违背我的意思，但是我一直了解我能做什么。”说出心中的这些话，我感到好受了一点点。即使我只能向雅各布坦白。
“I can’t believe he let you talk him out of going. I wouldn’t miss this for anything.”
“我简直不敢相信他让你说服他不去了，我可不会为了任何事情错过这场战斗的。”
He frowned. “You think this isn’t going to work? That they’ll find you here? Do you know something I don’t know?”
他皱着眉头说道：“你认为这会有用吗？那样他们会在这里找到你？你知道一些我不知道的事情吗？”
“Edward isn’t going to fight tomorrow,” I whispered the explanation. “I’m making him stay with me. I am a huge coward.”
“爱德华明天不会去打仗，”我轻声解释道，“我强迫他和我待在一起，我是个超级胆小鬼。”
Jacob was quiet.
雅各布一言不发。
“It’s nothing you said. It’s just, well, it’s me. I did something… bad.”
“跟你说的没关系。只是，好吧，是我。我做了件……很坏的事情。”
“That doesn’t mean anything, though.” He was suddenly backtracking. “That doesn’t mean that he loves you more than I do.”
“不过，那并不意味着什么。”他突然话锋一转，“那并不意味着他比我更爱你。”
I sighed. “I know.”
我叹气道：“我知道。”
“But you wouldn’t stay with me, even if I begged.”
“但是你不会跟我待在一起，即使我祈求的话。”
He pursed his lips for a moment, and I wondered if he would try to deny it. We both knew the truth. “That’s only because I know you better,” he said at last. “Everything’s going to go without a hitch. Even if you’d asked and I’d said no, you wouldn’t be mad at me afterwards.”
他嘟了一会儿嘴巴，我不知道他是否想要否认这一点。我们俩都知道事实，“那只是因为我更了解你，”他终于说道，“一切都会顺利地继续，不会有什么障碍，即使你恳求我，我没答应，你之后也不会生我的气。”
“If everything does go without a hitch, you’re probably right. I wouldn’t be mad. But the whole time you’re gone, I’ll be sick with worry, Jake. Crazy with it.”
“如果说一切的确会很顺利的话，你可能是对的。我不会生气，但是整整那段你不在的时间，我都会担心得要命，杰克，我会因此发疯的。”
“Why?” he asked gruffly. “Why does it matter to you if something happens to me?”
“为什么？”他声音粗哑地问道，“你为什么要关心我身上是否发生什么事情？”
“Don’t say that. You know how much you mean to me. I’m sorry it’s not in the way you want, but that’s just how it is. You’re my best friend. At least, you used to be. And still sometimes are… when you let your guard down.”
“别那样说，你知道你对我有多么重要。我很抱歉不是你想要的那种，但是事情就是这样。你是我最好的朋友，至少，你以前一直是，而且有时候仍然是……当你放下防备的时候。”
He smiled the old smile that I loved. “I’m always that,” he promised. “Even when I don’t… behave as well as I should. Underneath, I’m always in here.”
他露出我喜爱的那种微笑，？我一直是那样，”他保证，“即使当我没……没像应该的那样表现好一些的时候。私底下，我还是那个样子啊。”
I sighed in relief.
我如释重负地叹了一口气。
“Leave it to you to ruin the moment.”
“随你怎么说来破坏此刻。”
“I’m not saying you don’t love him. I’m not stupid. But it’s possible to love more than one person at a time, Bella. I’ve seen it in action.”
“我不是说你不爱他，我不是傻瓜，但是同时爱上一个以上的人也是可能的，贝拉，我已经见过这样的事情了。”
“Wow,” I muttered. “You’d better hurry, Jake. You’ll want to get home before it gets here.”
“哇噢，”我低声说道，“你最好快一点儿，杰克，在暴风雨来到这儿之前你得赶回家。”
I glared at him, exasperated. “You’re not camping with us.”
我被他激怒了，恶狠狠地盯着他：“你不许和我们一起露营。”
“I’m not some freaky werewolf, Jacob.”
“我不是某个奇怪的狼人，雅各布。”
A solid wall of purple-black cloud was racing in from the west, blackening the forest beneath it as it came.
一团紫黑色的乌云如铜墙铁壁一般从西边奔涌过来，所到之处下方的森林顿时暗了下来。
He misinterpreted my meaning. “I’d happily slow down, Bella, but you’re going to want to be under shelter before that hits.”
他误解了我的意思：“我很乐意减慢速度，贝拉，不过，在那来临之前你会想要有藏身之处的。”
We both looked up at the sky.
我们都抬头看了看天空。
“I know. Why else would I put up with all of your crap?”
“我知道，还有什么原因要我忍受你的废话呢？”
“We’re not far now, I can smell him.”
“我们没那么远了，我可以闻见他了。”
“Not technically — as in, sharing your tent or anything. I prefer the storm to the smell. But I’m sure your bloodsucker will want to keep in touch with the pack for coordination purposes, and so I will graciously provide that service.”
“技术上，不会——果真如此的话，你们要和我共用帐篷之类的了。我更喜欢暴风雨，而不喜欢他的气味，但是我确定你的吸血鬼想要为了协作的目的与狼群保持联系的，所以我有礼貌地提供了那种服务。”
“I’m not going home.”
“我不回家。”
He wrinkled his nose, and I was about to apologize for that last jab, but he changed the subject.
他皱着鼻子，我正要为最后那句讽刺道歉，他却改变了话题。
He laughed with me, and then his eyes were sad. “When are you finally going to figure out that you’re in love with me, too?”
他和我一起大笑起来，接着眼睛变得哀伤起来：“什么时候你才会意识到你也爱上我了呢？”
“Why would I? It’s no big thing.”
“为什么我要呢？这没什么了不起的。”
He bristled. “It’s probably a lie.”
他勃然大怒道：“很可能是谎言。”
That reminded me.
那提醒了我。
“He’ll take over tomorrow, during the fight.”
“他明天会交接的，打仗的时候。”
He blinked, his face going blank with surprise. “Oh. That.”
他眨了眨眼睛，惊讶得一脸茫然：“噢，那件事啊。”
“Edward told me something the other day… about you.”
“爱德华前天告诉我一些事情……关于你的。”
“I thought that was Seth’s job.”
“我以为那是塞思的工作。”
“Tempting, but no. Then again, the begging might be interesting to see. You can give it a go if you like.”
“很有诱惑力，但是不。再则，祈求可能看起来挺有意思的。如果你喜欢的话，不妨试一试。”
“Nope. Not unless you can promise me a better fight. Anyway, Sam’s calling the shots, not me.”
“不，除非你能答应我还有更好的战斗。不管怎样，山姆才是作决定的人，不是我。”
“I don’t suppose there’s any way you’d just stay since you’re already here?” I suggested. “If I did beg? Or trade back the lifetime of servitude or something?”
“尽管你已经到了这里，我并不认为还有什么办法可以让你留下来，是不是？”我建议道，“如果我真的祈求的话？或者换回你一生的奴役之类的东西？”
“How come you never told me that?”
“你怎么从来没告诉过我？”
“There’s really nothing, nothing at all I can say?”
“真的没有，没有什么我可以说的了吗？”
“Oh, really? You aren’t second in command of the pack, then?”
“哦，真的吗？那么你不是狼人的副指挥？”
The reminder silenced me for a second. I stared at him, worry springing up again with sudden fierceness.
他的提醒让我沉默了片刻。我盯着他，担忧突然猛烈地进发出来。
“I don’t know. Why not? It’s interesting. So, how does that work? How did Sam end up as the Alpha, and you as the… the Beta?”
“我不知道。为什么不呢？很有意思，那么，那是怎么回事？怎么山姆最后变成了阿尔法，你成了……贝塔？”
Jacob didn’t answer me. He stared into the darkening forest, as if he suddenly needed to concentrate on where he was going.
雅各布没有回答我。他凝视着逐渐暗下来的森林，仿佛突然要把精力集中到我们要去的地方上一样。
“Try.”
“试一试。”
“Well… it’s hard to explain,” Jacob said evasively.
“哦……很难解释。”雅各布逃避地说道。
I frowned. “But shouldn’t Jared or Paul be second, then? They were the next to change.”
我皱了皱眉头：“不过，难道杰莱德或保罗不应该是第二吗？他们接着就改变了。”
“What about it?”
“这有什么关系？”
Jacob chuckled at my invented term. “Sam was the first, the oldest. It made sense for him to take charge.”
雅各布听见我杜撰的名称轻轻地笑道：“山姆是第一个，也是最年长的，让他负责很有道理。”
“Yeah, that’s right. Because he was the Alpha. Did you know that, technically, Sam’s the chief of the whole tribe now?” He laughed. “Crazy traditions.”
“是的，很正确，因为他是阿尔法。你知道吗，从技术层面上来说，山姆现在是整个部落的酋长了。”他大声笑道，“疯狂的传统。”
I remembered something Jacob had told me a long time ago, before either of us had known anything about werewolves.
我记得很久以前雅各布告诉我的事情，在我们俩都还不知道狼人的事情之前。
I thought about that for a second, trying to make all the pieces fit. “But you also said that people listened to your dad more than anyone else on the council, because he was Ephraim’s grandson?”
我思考了片刻，想要把所有的片段拼凑起来：“但是你也说过人们更愿意听命于你父亲，而不是长老会的其他人，因为他是埃弗雷姆的孙子吗？”
He sighed. “It’s more about the lineage, you know? Sort of old-fashioned. Why should it matter who your grandpa was, right?”
他感叹道：“这与血统的关系更大，你知道吗？有点儿过时，你祖父是谁这很重要，对吧？”
“Didn’t you say that Ephraim Black was the last chief the Quileutes had?”
“你是不是说过埃弗雷姆·布莱克是奎鲁特人的最后一位酋长？”
“Well, if it’s about the lineage… shouldn’t you be the chief, then?”
“好吧，如果这跟血统有关的话……这样一来，难道不该由你当酋长吗？”
“But I thought you were happier. That you were okay with this,” I finally whispered.
“但是我以为你会更快乐一些，以为你觉得这样还不错。”我终于轻声说道。
“Why? His great-granddad was Levi Uley, right? Was Levi an Alpha, too?”
“为什么？他的曾祖父是利瓦伊·乌利，对吗？ 利瓦伊也是阿尔法吗？”
He frowned, uncomfortable with my questions. Well, it was his turn to feel uncomfortable.
他皱着眉头，被我的问题问得不自在了。好吧，现在轮到他感到不自在了。
My eyebrows pulled together. “Sam didn’t want to step down?”
我的眉毛紧皱在一起：“山姆不想下台？”
Jacob finally met my confused gaze, and then sighed. “Yeah. I was supposed to be the Alpha.”
雅各布终于正视着我迷惑的眼神，接着叹气道：“是的，我本应该是阿尔法的。”
“Hardly. I didn’t want to step up.”
“几乎肯定不是，我不想上台。”
“So what was Levi?”
“那么利瓦伊是什么呢？”
“Jake?”
“杰克？”
“No. That’s Sam’s job.” He kept his eyes on our pathless course.
“不，那是山姆的事情。”他的眼睛一直停留在我们经过的这条没有道路的路线上。
“It doesn’t matter.”
“没关系。”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“那没有道理。”
“Sort of a Beta, I guess.” He snorted at my term. “Like me.”
“某种贝塔吧，我猜，”他冲我发明的术语哼了一声，“就像我一样。”
“Why not?”
“为什么不？”
“I didn’t want any of it, Bella. I didn’t want anything to change. I didn’t want to be some legendary chief. I didn’t want to be part of a pack of werewolves, let alone their leader. I wouldn’t take it when Sam offered.”
“我不想从中得到任何好处，贝拉，我不想任何事情发生改变，我不想当某个传说中的酋长。我不想成为狼人团体的一员，更别说他们的首领了，山姆提出来的时候我也不会接受。”
I thought about this for a long moment. Jacob didn’t interrupt. He stared into the forest again.
我久久地思考着这些，雅各布没有打断我，他又盯着森林。
“There’s only one Alpha,” he answered automatically.
“只有一个阿尔法。”他不假思索地回答道。
“I just want to understand.”
“我只是想弄明白。”
Jacob smiled down at me reassuringly. “Yeah. It’s really not so bad. Exciting sometimes, like with this thing tomorrow. But at first it sort of felt like being drafted into a war you didn’t know existed. There was no choice, you know? And it was so final.” He shrugged. “Anyway, I guess I’m glad now. It has to be done, and could I trust someone else to get it right? It’s better to make sure myself.”
雅各布低下头，笑着宽慰我：“是的，真的没那么糟糕。有时候很兴奋，比如明天要发生的事情，但是起初感觉有点儿像应征参加某场你并不知道的战争一样。没有选择，你知道吗？而且是那么无法改变的，”他耸了耸肩，“无论如何，我猜我现在很高兴。总得要做的，我还能信任谁来恢复这一切呢？最好我亲自确定一下。”
He rolled his eyes.
他转了转眼珠子。
Just then, the wind shook more fiercely through the trees around us, and it felt like it was blowing straight off a glacier. The sharp sound of wood cracking echoed off the mountain. Though the light was vanishing as the grisly cloud covered the sky, I could still see the little white specks that fluttered past us.
就在那时，一阵风把我周围的树摇撼得更猛烈些了，感觉风就像是从冰川上吹来似的，树木噼啪裂开的巨响在山上回荡。尽管令人毛骨悚然的乌云遮盖了天空，光线逐渐消失了，我仍然能看见小小的白色斑点在我们身上轻轻拂过。
I stared at him, feeling an unexpected kind of awe for my friend. He was more of a grown-up than I’d ever given him credit for. Like with Billy the other night at the bonfire, there was a majesty here that I’d never suspected.
我凝视着他，一阵对我朋友的敬畏在我心中油然而生。他比我认为的要更像个大人，就像那天在篝火晚会上，我从来不曾想过比利身上会展现出来那种威严。
“Chief Jacob,” I whispered, smiling at the way the words sounded together.
“雅各布酋长。”我轻声说道，这些词一块儿出现让人忍俊不禁。
“Bella!” Edward called out in acute relief. We’d caught him in the middle of pacing back and forth across the little open space.
“贝拉！”爱德华大声喊道，声音里明显夹杂着放心的语气，我们在这片小小的露天空地来回奔跑时遇见了他。
He flashed to my side, sort of blurring as he moved so swiftly. Jacob cringed, and then set me on my feet. Edward ignored his reaction and caught me in a tight hug.
他倏地冲到我身边，动作如此迅速就像一道光划过一样。雅各布退缩了，接着让我站在地上。爱德华没理会他的反应，紧紧地抱住我了。
Jacob stepped up the pace, keeping his eyes on the ground now as he flat out sprinted. I curled more willingly against his chest, recoiling from the unwelcome snow.
雅各布加快了步伐，眼睛盯着地面，竭尽全力地快速奔跑起来。我更心甘情愿地蜷缩在他的胸口，躲避着不受欢迎的雪花。
Jacob merely shrugged, all the friendliness wiped clean from his face. “Get her inside. This is going to be bad — my hair’s standing up on my scalp. Is that tent secure?”
雅各布只是耸了耸肩，所有的友善都从他脸上一扫而空了：“把她带进去，天气会很恶劣——我的头发已经在头皮上竖起来了，那个帐篷安全吗？”
I twisted to see Jacob’s response.
我扭着头想看看雅各布的反应。
“Thank you,” Edward said over my head. His tone was unmistakably sincere. “That was quicker than I expected, and I truly appreciate it.”
“谢谢，”爱德华在我头顶上对他说道，他的语气很诚恳，这一点清楚明白，“比我期待的要快，我真的很感激。”
It was only minutes later that he dashed around to the lee side of the stony peak and we could see the little tent nestled up against the sheltering face. More flurries were falling around us, but the wind was too fierce to let them settle anywhere.
几分钟之后他就冲到了乱石嶙峋的峭壁背风面，我们能够看见顶着掩体面扎下的小帐篷。越来越多的雪花飘落在我们身上，但是风太猛烈了，根本无法让它们停留下来。
“Good.”
“很好。”
“I all but welded it to the rock.”
“我把它紧紧地焊接在岩石上了。”
Jacob looked up at the sky — now black with the storm, sprinkled with the swirling bits of snow. His nostrils flared.
雅各布抬头仰望天空——现在暴风雪的到来使得天空一片漆黑，一簇簇飞舞的白雪飘洒而下。他的鼻尖突然张大了。
“I’m going to change,” he said. “I want to know what’s going on back home.”
“我要改变了，”他说道，“我想知道家里发生了什么事。”
He hung his jacket on a low, stubby branch, and walked into the murky forest without a backward glance.
他把夹克挂在一根低矮的短树上，然后头也不回地走进黑黢黢的森林。
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