9、埃伦返回纽约

9.ELLEN RETURNS TO NEW YORK

9、埃伦返回纽约

The following evening Newland was waiting at Jersey City station for the Washington train. In his senseless schoolboy happiness he pictured Madame Olenska getting out of the train, then her arm in his as he guided her to the carriage, and then a journey that would go on for ever. He had so much to say to her!

第二天傍晚，纽兰在泽西城车站等候从华盛顿开来的火车。他怀着学生时代那种懵懂的幸福感，想象着奥兰斯卡夫人从车上下来，挽着他的手臂，在他的带领下走向马车，然后踏上了永无止境的旅途。他有那么多话要和她讲！

The train came in, and he saw her pale face in the crowd of passengers. They reached each other, their hands met, and he drew her arm through his. ‘This way – I have the carriage,’ he said. After that it all happened as he had dreamed.

火车到站了，接着他在成群的乘客中间发现了她苍白的脸。他们走向对方，手握到了一起，他让埃伦挽着他的手臂。“这边走——我驾来了马车。”他说。此后的情形和他梦想中的一模一样。

‘Do you know,’ he said, as they drove away from the station, ‘I almost couldn’t remember you? How can I explain? Each time you happen to me all over again.‘

“你知道吗？”他说，马车正驶离车站，“我几乎想不起你的样子了。怎么说呢？每次见到你，都好像初次见面那样。”

‘Oh, yes, I know! I know! It happens to me too!’

“哦，对，我知道！我知道！我也有这种感觉！”

‘Ellen – Ellen – Ellen!’

“埃伦——埃伦——埃伦！”

She made no answer and he sat in silence, watching her as she looked out of the window. How little they knew of each other, after all! The precious moments were slipping away, but he had forgotten everything he meant to say.

她没有回应。他一言不发地坐在那里注视着她，而她则望向窗外。他们之间毕竟互相了解得太少了！宝贵的时光在一点点流逝，而他却把想说的话忘得一干二净。

‘What a pretty carriage!’ she said, suddenly turning her face from the window. ‘Is it May’s? She sent you to fetch me, then? How kind of her!’

“好漂亮的马车啊！”她说着突然从窗边转过脸来，“是梅的吗？那么，是梅让你来接我的？她真是太好了！”

Her mentioning May’s name made him angry, so he burst out, ‘Your husband’s secretary came to see me, you know.’

她提到梅的名字让他气恼，于是他脱口而出：“你丈夫的秘书来见过我，你知道吧。”

‘I’m not surprised. He’d met you in England, hadn’t he?’

“我并不觉得意外。他是在英国和你相识的，对吗？”

‘Ellen – I must ask you one thing. Was it Rivière who helped you to get away – when you left your husband?’

“埃伦——我必须问你一件事。是里维埃帮你逃走的吗——当你离开你丈夫的时候？”

‘Yes. I owe him a great debt,’ she replied calmly.

“是的，我欠他一个大人情。”她平静地回答。

‘I think you’re the most honest woman I ever met!’

“我想你是我见过的女人中最诚实的一个！”

‘Oh no – but probably one of the least difficult.’

“噢，不——不过也许算个最不难对付的女人吧。”

‘Well – you’ve had to look at things as they are.’

“嗯——你不得不实际地看待事实。”

‘Yes – I’ve had to look at wickedness, it’s true.’

“对——我不得不正视邪恶，这是事实。”

‘It hasn’t blinded you!’

“这并没有让我失去判断力！”

‘It doesn’t blind one, but it dries up one’s tears.’

“它没有让我失去判断力，可它挤干了我的眼泪。”

The answer seemed to come from depths of experience beyond Newland’s reach.

这个回答好像来自经历的深渊，一个对纽兰来说遥不可及的地方。

‘If you’re not blind, then, you must see this can’t last,’ he said. ‘Our being together – and not together.’

“如果你没有失去判断力，那么你一定知道事情不能这样继续下去，”他说，“我们在一起，却又不在一起。”

‘No. You shouldn’t have come today,’ and suddenly she turned, threw her arms around him and pressed her lips to his. In a moment she drew away, and they sat silent and unmoving, until Newland started speaking hurriedly.

“对，今天你就不应该来。”她突然转过身，伸开双臂搂住他，双唇紧紧贴在他的唇上。她随即抽身离开，然后他们静静地坐着，一动不动，直到纽兰匆忙发话。

‘Don’t be afraid of me. A stolen kiss isn’t what I want. Look, I’m not even trying to touch your sleeve. When we’re apart, and I’m looking forward to seeing you, every thought is burnt up in a great flame. But then you come and you’re so much more than I remembered, and what I want of you is so much more than an hour or two, with weeks of thirsty waiting between, that I can sit perfectly still beside you like this, just quietly trusting my dream to come true.’

“不要怕我。我想要的并不是一个偷偷摸摸的吻。瞧，我甚至都没想要碰你的衣袖。我们分开的时候，我一直盼望着见到你，所有的想法都被熊熊烈火燃尽了。可现在你来了，远远不止我记忆中的那样；在无数个星期焦急的等待后，我想要从你身上得到的，也远远不止一两个小时。因此，我才能像这样安安静静地坐在你身边，平静地期待着梦想成真。”

For a moment she was silent. ‘What do you mean by trusting it to come true?’ she whispered.

她沉默了片刻。“你说期待梦想成真是什么意思？”她小声问。

‘Why – you know it will, don’t you?’

“呃——你知道它会实现的，对吗？”

‘Your dream of you and me together?’ She burst into a sudden hard laugh. ‘You choose a good place to tell me about it!’

“你梦想着和我在一起？”她猛然大笑，“你真是选了一个好地方来告诉我！”

‘You mean, in my wife’s carriage? Shall we get out and walk? I don’t suppose you mind a little snow?’

“你的意思是说在我妻子的马车里？那我们下去走走好吗？我想你不会介意外面下着点儿雪吧？”

She laughed again, more quietly. ‘No, I don’t want to walk, because I want to see my grandmother as soon as possible. We’ll sit quietly, and we’ll look, not at dreams, but at realities.’

她又笑起来，不过声音轻了一些：“不，我不想下去走走，因为我想尽快见到奶奶。我们就这样安静地坐着，不要看梦想，而是来看一看现实吧。”

‘The only reality for me is this.’

“对我来说，这就是唯一的现实。”

There was a long silence. ‘Is it your idea, then, that I should live with you as your mistress, since I can’t be your wife?’

接下来是长时间的沉默。“那么，你的想法是我应该跟你在一起，做你的情妇，既然我不可能成为你的妻子？”

He was shocked by her plain speaking, and had difficulty finding the words. ‘I want – I want to get away to a place where we could simply be two human beings who love each other, who are the whole of life to each other, and nothing else will matter.’

她直白的话语令他感到震惊，他艰难地寻找着措词：“我想——我想逃到一个地方，在那儿我们仅仅是两个彼此相爱的人，我们是彼此生活的全部，其他任何事情都无关紧要。”

She laughed. ‘Oh my dear – where is that country? Have you ever been there? Believe me, it’s a miserable little place!’

她笑了：“哦，亲爱的——那个国度在哪儿？你去过吗？相信我，那只是一个糟糕的小地方！”

‘Then what exactly is your plan for us?’ cried Newland.

“那你对我们的事到底作何打算呢？”纽兰大声说。

‘For us? But there’s no us in that sense! We’re only Newland Archer, husband of Ellen Olenska’s cousin, and Ellen Olenska, cousin of Newland Archer’s wife, trying to be happy behind the backs of the people who trust them.’

“我们的事？从那个意义上讲并不存在我们！我们仅仅是埃伦·奥兰斯卡的表妹夫纽兰·阿彻，和纽兰·阿彻妻子的表姐埃伦·奥兰斯卡，两个企图背着信赖他们的人寻欢作乐的人。”

‘Ah, I’m beyond that,’ whispered Newland.

“啊，我要的不只是这些。”纽兰低声说。

‘No, you’re not! You’ve never been beyond. And I have,’ she said in a strange voice, ‘and I know what it looks like there.’

“不，你要的仅此而已！你从来没有尝试过要得更多，可我尝试过，”她用一种陌生的声音说，“我知道那是什么样子。”

He sat silent, in wordless pain. Then he rang the bell to tell the driver to stop. ‘I’ll get out here,’ he said, opening the door and jumping out. ‘You’re right, I shouldn’t have come.’ She bent forward, about to speak, but he had already called out the order to drive on. As the carriage rolled away, he felt something stiff and cold on his face, and realized that he had been crying, and the icy wind had frozen his tears.

他静静地坐着，心中感到无言的痛苦。接着，他拉铃叫车夫把车停下。“我要在这儿下车。”他说完打开车门跳下去，“你说对了，我就不应该来。”她俯身向前，想要说什么，可他已经大声吩咐车夫继续赶车。马车向前驶去，他觉得脸上有些又硬又冷的东西，这才意识到自己哭了，刺骨的寒风冰封了他的眼泪。

That evening Newland had dinner at home with May, who did not mention Ellen Olenska once. After dinner they sat together in the sitting room. May was doing her sewing, while Newland was reading. Occasionally he raised his eyes from his book and looked at May with secret despair. He would always know her thoughts; never would she surprise him by an unexpected mood or a new idea. Now she was simply becoming a copy of her mother, and mysteriously, in the same way, trying to turn him into a Mr Welland. He stood up impatiently, and at once she looked up.

当天晚上，纽兰和梅在家里吃饭，梅对埃伦·奥兰斯卡只字未提。晚饭后，他们一起坐在会客厅，梅做她的针线活儿，纽兰则在看书。他偶尔从书本上抬起眼睛看着梅，心里感到绝望。他对她的想法总是一清二楚，她绝对不会有他意想不到的情绪或新想法。如今，她逐渐变成她母亲的翻版，而不知怎的，她还试图用同样的方法把他变成另一位韦兰先生。他烦躁地站起身，她立刻抬起头。

‘What’s the matter, dear?’

“怎么了，亲爱的？”

‘The room’s too warm. I want a little air.’ He pulled the heavy curtains and opened a window, so that he could put his head and shoulders out into the icy darkness.

“房间里太热了，我需要透透气。”他拉开厚重的窗帘，打开窗户，这样他就能把头和肩探到冰冷的黑夜中。

‘Newland! Do shut the window. You’ll catch your death.’

“纽兰！关上窗户吧。你会生病的。”

‘Catch my death!’ he echoed, and felt like adding, ‘I’ve caught it already. I am dead – I’ve been dead for months now.’

“生病！”他重复道，很想接着说，“我已经生病了。我正病着——已经病了好几个月了。”

As he walked back to his chair, he laid a hand on her hair. ‘Poor May!’ he said.

他走回座椅，一只手放在她头发上，说道：“可怜的梅！”

‘Poor? Why poor?’ she asked with a little laugh.

“可怜？为什么可怜？”她略微一笑，问道。

‘Because I shall never be able to open a window without worrying you,’ he replied, also laughing.

“因为只要我打开窗户，你就会担心。”他回答，也笑了起来。

For a moment she was silent. Then she said very low, her head bent over her sewing, ‘I shall never worry if you’re happy.’

她沉默了片刻。然后低声说：“只要你高兴，我绝不会担心。”她边说边埋头做着针线活儿。

‘Ah, my dear! And I shall never be happy unless I can open the window!’

“啊，亲爱的！除非我把窗户打开，否则我永远不会高兴的！”

‘In this weather?’ she said. Without replying he buried his head in his book again.

“在这种天气？”她说。他没有回答，又埋头去看他的书。

Six or seven days passed. Newland heard nothing from Madame Olenska and became aware that her name would not be mentioned in his presence by the family. He did not try to see her, but a plan was slowly taking shape in the back of his mind.

六七天过去了。纽兰没有听到奥兰斯卡夫人的任何消息。他开始明白，家里人不会再当着他的面提起她的名字。他也不想见她，不过一个计划已经在他脑海中慢慢成形。

Then one day May told him her grandmother wanted to see him, and Newland hurried over to Mrs Mingott’s house. His plan was simple. He would see Ellen there and find out on which day and by which train she was returning to Washington. He would join her on that train, and travel with her, as far as she wanted to go – his choice would be Japan. He would leave a note for May that would prevent his ever coming back.

一天，梅告诉纽兰，外婆想见他，于是纽兰匆匆赶往明戈特老太太的家。他的计划很简单。他会在那里见到埃伦，然后弄清楚她返回华盛顿的日期和车次。他要到车上与她会合，并和她一起去旅行，只要她想，去多远都行——他个人会选择去日本。他还会给梅留下一封信，以杜绝他回来的任何可能。

But old Mrs Mingott told him with great delight that she had managed to persuade Ellen to stay in New York and look after her. Newland felt confused. He would be able to see Ellen now and then, but their future would be limited to secret meetings and letters. He would find himself telling more lies to May, and going against habit and honour and all the ancient rules he and his people had always believed in…

然而，明戈特老太太满怀喜悦地告诉他，她已经设法说服埃伦继续留在纽约照顾她。纽兰觉得脑子里乱糟糟的。他将能够时常见到埃伦，但他们的未来仅仅局限于幽会和通信。他将对梅说更多的谎言，而他的行事将违背他及他圈子里的人一直深信不疑的习惯、名誉和所有古老的规则……

As he was walking down Fifth Avenue, he saw Mrs Mingott’s carriage outside the Beauforts’ house, and knew Ellen must be visiting Regina Beaufort. He waited, and stopped Ellen as she was coming out of the front door.

他沿着第五大道往前走时，看见明戈特太太的马车停在博福特家外面，他知道肯定是埃伦在拜访雷吉娜·博福特。于是他等在那里，当埃伦从前门出来的时候拦住了她。

‘I must see you tomorrow – somewhere we can be alone,’ he said. ‘At the Museum of Art, in the park? At half-past two?’

“我明天一定要见你——在一个我们可以单独相处的地方，”他说，“在公园的艺术博物馆如何？两点半？”

She turned away without replying, and got quickly into the carriage. ‘She’ll be there!’ he told himself confidently.

她没有回答便转身离开，很快上了马车。“她会去的！”他自信地对自己说。

In the Museum of Art they walked slowly through the rooms. There were no other visitors, and their steps echoed loudly.

在艺术博物馆里，他们慢慢地出入于各间展室。里面没有其他参观者，他们的脚步声发出了响亮的回音。

‘It’s a strange place,’ said Madame Olenska.

“这地方真奇怪。”奥兰斯卡夫人说。

‘Some day, I suppose it’ll be a great museum.’

“我想，有一天它会成为一个很棒的博物馆。”

He sat down and watched the light movements of her figure, so girlish even under her heavy furs, as she looked at the paintings.

他坐下来，欣赏她在看画作时身体轻盈的动作。即使穿着厚重的毛皮外衣，她的动作也显得像个小姑娘似的。

‘What is it you wanted to tell me?’ she asked.

“你想和我说什么？”她问。

‘I believe you came to New York because you were afraid of my coming to Washington. Did you know I was planning to?’

“我认为你来纽约是因为害怕我到华盛顿去。你知道我打算要去吗？”

She looked down. ‘Well – yes. I knew.’

她低下头说：“嗯——是的，我知道。”

‘Well, then?’ he insisted.

“嗯，那怎么样？”他继续问。

‘Well, then. This is better, isn’t it? We shall hurt others less. Isn’t it, after all, what you always wanted?’

“嗯，那么还是这样更好，不是吗？我们给别人的伤害会少一些。说到底，这不正是你一直希望的吗？”

‘To meet you in this way, in secret? It’s the opposite of what I want. I think it’s horrible!’

“就这样与你幽会？这与我想要的刚好相反。我觉得这糟透了！”

‘Oh, I’m so glad! So do I!’ she cried out.

“哦，真高兴，我也这样觉得！”她叫道。

‘Then, what is it, in God’s name, that you think is better?’

“既然这样，你究竟认为怎样才更好呢？”

Instead of answering, she whispered, ‘I promised to stay with Grandmother, because I thought I’d be safer here.’

她没有回答，而是小声说：“我答应和奶奶呆在一起，是因为我觉得在这里危险较少。”

‘Safer from me? Safer from loving me?’

“危险？因为我这个人还是因为爱我？”

‘Safer from harming other people.’ She looked at him with a kind of terror, and blushed. ‘Shall I – once come to you, and then go home?’ she suddenly said in a low clear voice.

“因为不会伤害到其他人。”她面带恐惧地看着他，两颊泛起红晕。“我来你身边一次，然后就回家好吗？”她突然问道，声音低沉但清晰。

‘Dearest!’ said Newland, the blood rushing to his forehead. ‘But what do you mean by going home?’

“最亲爱的！”纽兰说，额角通红，“可你说回家是什么意思呢？”

‘Home to my husband.’

“回我丈夫家。”

‘And you expect me to say yes to that?’

“你指望我会同意吗？”

‘What else is there? I can’t stay here and lie to the people who’ve been good to me. I can’t go away with you and destroy their lives, when they’ve helped me to remake mine.’ She turned away. ‘I must go,’ she said.

“那还有什么办法呢？我不能留在这里，对那些善待我的人撒谎。我也没法在他们帮助我重新开始生活之后，和你一走了之而毁掉他们的生活。”她转身离开。“我必须走。”她说道。

He followed, and caught her hand. ‘Well, then, come to me once,’ he said, unable to bear the thought of losing her. ‘When?’ he insisted. ‘Tomorrow?’

他跟了上去，一把抓住她的手。“好吧，既然这样，那就来找我一次吧。”他说。一想到要失去她，他就无法忍受。“什么时候？”他追问道，“明天吗？”

She hesitated. ‘The day after.’

她犹豫了一下，“后天吧。”

‘Dearest!’ he said again. For a moment they continued to look into each other’s eyes, and he saw that her face, even paler now, was flooded with a deep inner happiness. Then she walked hurriedly away, turning in the doorway to wave goodbye.

“最亲爱的！”他又说。他们的目光继续对视了一会儿。他发现她的脸此刻更加苍白，却洋溢着一种内心深藏的愉悦。然后，她匆匆离开，走到门口时转过身来挥手告别。

The next evening Newland and May went to the opera, as guests of the van der Luydens. The Swedish singer Christine Nilsson was singing in Faust, just as she had done two years before, when Newland had first seen Ellen in her grandmother’s box. Tonight Newland had moved to sit with some of his men friends, and from here he had a good view of his wife as she sat in the van der Luydens’ box.

翌日傍晚，纽兰和梅受范德卢顿夫妇之邀去了歌剧院。瑞典歌唱家克里斯蒂娜·尼尔森正在演唱《浮士德》。两年前纽兰第一次看见埃伦出现在她祖母的包厢里时，尼尔森唱的也是这一曲。这天晚上，纽兰和他的一些男性友人坐在了一起，从这里他可以清楚地看到坐在范德卢顿夫妇包厢里的妻子。

‘How innocent and trusting she looks!’ he thought. He remembered how nobly she had once offered to give him up, and suddenly he decided to tell her the truth, to throw himself on her generosity, and ask for the freedom he had once refused.

“她看起来多么单纯、多么容易信赖别人啊！”他想。他记起她曾经多么高尚地提出要放弃他。突然，他决定对她说出真相，以便仰仗她的宽宏大量，请求得到他曾经拒绝过的自由。

He got up and walked round the theatre, slipping into the back of the van der Luydens’ box. ‘I’ve got a bad headache,’ he whispered to May. ‘Will you come home with me?’

他起身绕行到范德卢顿夫妇的包厢，悄悄从后面溜了进去。“我头疼得厉害，”他小声对梅说，“跟我回家好吗？”

May said a few words to her mother and Mrs van der Luyden, and soon she and Newland were driving home.

梅跟母亲及范德卢顿夫人说了几句话，很快便同纽兰一起驾车回家了。

They went into their sitting room together. ‘Hadn’t you better go to bed at once?’ she asked anxiously.

他们一起走进了自己家的会客厅。“你赶紧上床休息不好吗？”她担心地问道。

‘My head’s not as bad as that,’ Newland replied. ‘There’s something important I want to say to you – about myself.’

“我的头痛不那么厉害。”纽兰回答，“我有一件重要的事想对你讲——是关于我自己的。”

She sat silent, looking extremely pale, but calm.

她默默地坐着，脸色非常苍白，但表情却很平静。

‘Madame Olenska —’ he said, but his wife raised her hand to stop him. The gaslight shone on her gold wedding ring.

“奥兰斯卡夫人——”他说道，但妻子举起一只手示意他住口。煤气灯光照射在她那枚金制的结婚戒指上。

‘Oh, why should we talk about Ellen tonight? Is it really worthwhile, dear? You’ve understood her, no doubt, better than we all did; you’ve always been kind to her. But what does it matter, now it’s all over?’

“噢，今晚我们干吗要谈论埃伦呢？真的有意义吗，亲爱的？毫无疑问，你比我们所有人都更理解她，你一直对她很好。不过，既然都已经过去了，这还有什么关系呢？”

‘All over – what do you mean?’

“都过去了——你这话什么意思？”

‘Why – she’s going back to Europe. Grandmother agrees, and has arranged to make her independent of her husband.’

“嗨——她要回欧洲了。外婆同意了，并且已经作好安排，让她能不依靠她丈夫而独立生活。”

Newland turned away and covered his face. May sat without moving or speaking. At last he turned back to her.

纽兰转过身去，捂住了脸。梅坐在那里，没有动，也没有说话。最后，他回转身来面朝着她。

‘It’s impossible,’ he said. ‘How do you know that?’

“这不可能。”他说，“你是怎么知道的？”

‘I saw Ellen yesterday – at Grandmother’s. And I had a note from her this afternoon. Do you want to see it?’

“我昨天见到埃伦了——在外婆家里。今天下午我收到她一封信。你想看看吗？”

He could not find his voice. She handed him a short letter, which Newland took with a trembling hand and read. It said:

他一时张口结舌。她递给他一封短信，纽兰用颤抖的手接过，看了起来。上面写着：

May dear, I have at last made Grandmother see that if I return to Europe, I must live by myself – she has been as kind and generous as ever. I am going back to Washington to pack, and I sail from New York next week, with poor Aunt Medora. If any of my friends want to try to change my mind, please tell them it would be useless. Ellen

亲爱的梅，我终于让奶奶明白，假如我回到欧洲，我必须自己生活——她一向都是这么善良，这么宽宏大量。我要赶回华盛顿打点行装，下周和可怜的梅多拉姑妈一起从纽约乘船离开。如果我的朋友有谁想劝我改变主意，请告诉他们那是没有用处的。埃伦

Newland burst out laughing wildly. ‘Why did she write this?’ he asked.

纽兰爆发出一阵狂笑。“她为什么要写这些？”他问道。

May looked at him with her clear blue eyes. ‘I suppose because we talked things over yesterday. I told her I understood how hard it had been for her here. I knew you’d been the one friend she had always felt sure of, and I wanted her to know that you and I were the same – in all our feelings. ‘She added slowly, ‘She understood my wishing to tell her this. I think she understands everything.’

梅用清澈的蓝眼睛望着他。“我想是因为我们昨天谈论了一些事情。我告诉她，我理解她在这里的处境有多么艰难，我知道你是她一直信赖的唯一朋友。我想让她明白，我和你一样——我们的感情是完全一致的。”她缓缓地接着说，“她理解我想跟她说这话的心情。我觉得她一切都明白了。”

She went up to Newland, and taking one of his cold hands, pressed it quickly to her face. ‘My head aches too. Good night, dear,’ she said, and turned to the door.

她走到纽兰跟前，拿起他一只冰冷的手，迅速按在自己的脸颊上。“我的头也有些痛。晚安，亲爱的。”她说完，转身朝门口走去。

It was, as Mrs Archer smilingly said to Mrs Welland, a great event for a young couple to give their first big dinner. It had been May’s idea to give a dinner for Ellen, the evening before she sailed for Europe. Now, as Newland looked round at the familiar faces at his table – May, the van der Luydens, Lawrence Lefferts, Sillerton and Sophy Jackson, the Lovell Mingotts, and Ellen – he began to realize that New York society almost certainly thought he and Ellen were lovers, but they were pretending his was a wonderfully happy marriage. And now that Ellen was leaving, it was easy for them all to pretend that they admired and respected her. He hated this dishonesty, and began to feel like a prisoner, constantly guarded by his friends and relations.

正像阿彻太太笑着对韦兰太太说的那样，一对年轻夫妻第一次举办大型宴会可是件大事。梅提议，在埃伦乘船去欧洲前夜为她举办一场宴会。此刻，纽兰环顾餐桌旁那些熟悉的面孔——梅，范德卢顿夫妇，劳伦斯·莱弗茨，西勒顿·杰克逊和索菲·杰克逊，洛弗尔·明戈特夫妇和埃伦。他开始意识到，纽约社交圈几乎可以认定他和埃伦是一对情人，可他们却装作认为他的婚姻非常幸福美满。如今埃伦即将离开，他们所有人也轻而易举地装出他们钦慕并尊敬她的样子。他讨厌这种伪装，他开始感觉自己像个囚犯，一直被他的朋友和亲人们看守着。

He could not remember what he said to anyone during dinner, and soon it was time for his guests to leave. There had been no chance to speak privately to Ellen. ‘Goodbye,’ he said to her in the hall, as he helped her on with her coat. ‘But I shall see you soon in Paris.’ His voice sounded loud in his ears.

他记不得自己在宴会期间和其他人说过些什么。很快就到了宾客们告辞的时间了，他却一直没有机会和埃伦私下交谈。“再见，”他在门厅里对她说，同时帮她把外套穿上，“不过我很快就会到巴黎去看你。”他觉得自己的声音听上去很响亮。

‘Oh,’ she whispered, ‘if you and May could come…!’

“噢，”她小声说，“如果你和梅能来……！”

And then she was getting into the van der Luydens’ carriage, and he could no longer see her face.

她踏进了范德卢顿夫妇的马车，他再也看不到她的脸了。

A few minutes later May came to find him in the library. ‘It did go well, didn’t it?’ she said.

几分钟之后，梅来图书室里找他。“宴会确实进行得很顺利，对吗？”她说道。

Newland made an effort to speak. ‘Now that you’re here, there’s something I must tell you. I tried to, the other night.’

纽兰鼓起勇气说：“既然你来了，那我有件事必须告诉你，那天晚上我就想说的。”

‘Yes, dear. Something about yourself?’

“好啊，亲爱的。一件关于你自己的事？”

‘Yes. I’ve been horribly tired lately —’

“是的。我最近一直觉得特别累——”

‘Oh, I’ve seen it coming on, Newland! You’ve been so wickedly overworked at the office!’

“嗯，我看到你越来越累了，纽兰！你在事务所一直劳累过度！”

‘Perhaps it’s that. Anyway, I want to make a break – to go away at once. On a long trip, away from everything —’

“也许是吧。不管怎样，我想休息一段时间——马上就走。去一个长途旅行，抛开一切——”

‘A long trip? Where, for example?’

“长途旅行？到什么地方去？”

‘Oh, I don’t know, India – or Japan.’

“哦，我不知道，去印度——或者日本。”

She stood up, and came nearer to his chair.

她站起身来，走到他的椅子跟前。

‘As far as that? But I’m afraid you can’t, dear.’ Her voice trembled a little. ‘Not unless you take me with you. That is, if the doctors will let me go… but I’m afraid they won’t. You see, Newland, I’ve been sure since this morning of something I’ve been hoping for so much…’

“要去那么远吗？不过恐怕你不能走，亲爱的。”她的声音有些颤抖，“除非你带上我。就是说，如果医生让我去的话……不过恐怕他们不会允许。你知道吗，纽兰，从今天上午起，我已经肯定了一件我一直非常期盼的事……”

He stared up at her, his face deathly white, and she knelt down to hide her face against his knee.

他盯着她，脸色煞白。她蹲下身子，把脸埋在他的膝盖上。

‘Oh, my dear,’ he said, with his cold hand on her hair. There was a devilish kind of laughter inside his head.

“噢，亲爱的。”他说着，用冰冷的手抚摸她的头发，脑海内回荡着一阵邪恶的狂笑。

‘You didn’t guess?’ asked May.

“你没有猜到？”梅问道。

‘Yes – I – no. That is, of course, I hoped…’ They looked at each other for a moment and again fell silent. ‘Have you told anyone else?’ he added.

“猜到了——我——没有。我是说，当然我希望……”两人对视片刻，再次陷入了沉默。“你告诉过别人吗？”他又问。

‘Only my mother and yours.’ She paused, blushing. ‘And Ellen. You know I told you I’d had a long talk with her one afternoon?’

“只有我妈妈和你母亲。”她停顿了一下，脸涨得通红，“还有埃伦。你知道，我告诉过你，有一天下午我们进行了一次长谈。”

‘Ah…’ said Newland, his heart stopping.

“啊……”纽兰说，他的心几乎停止了跳动。

He felt that his wife was watching him closely. ‘Did you mind my telling her first, Newland?’

他感觉到妻子在目不转睛地注视着他。“纽兰，我先告诉了她，你介意吗？”

‘Mind? Why should I?’ He made a last effort to think clearly. ‘But that was a fortnight ago, wasn’t it? I thought you said you weren’t sure till today.’

“介意？我为什么要介意？”他尽最后努力理清思路，“不过那是两个星期之前的事了，对吗？你刚才不是说今天才确定下来的吗？”

Her colour burned deeper, but she kept her eyes on his. ‘No, I wasn’t sure then – but I told her I was. And you see I was right!’ she cried, her blue eyes wet with victory.

她的脸红得更厉害了，不过她继续注视着他。“对，当时我还没有把握——但我告诉她我有了。你看我说对了！”她大声说，蓝色的双眼噙满了胜利的泪水。