He poured me a cup and added sugar, blew on it a few times. Put it before me. “So everyone is scared to get in the water, and suddenly you kick off your shoes, Amir agha, and take off your shirt. ‘There’s no monster,’ you say. ‘I’ll show you all.’ And before anyone can stop you, you dive into the water, start swimming away. I follow you in and we’re both swimming.”
他给我倒了一杯茶，加了糖，吹了几下，把它端给我。“所以大家都很害怕，不敢下水。突然间你踢掉鞋子，阿米尔少爷，脱掉你的衣服。‘里面没有鬼怪，‘你说，‘我证明给你们看看。‘大家还来不及阻止你，你一头扎进湖里，游开了。我跟着你，我们都游着。”
The next morning, as he brewed black tea for breakfast, Hassan told me he’d had a dream. “We were at Ghargha Lake, you, me, Father, Agha sahib, Rahim Khan, and thousands of other people,” he said. “It was warm and sunny, and the lake was clear like a mirror. But no one was swimming because they said a monster had come to the lake. It was swimming at the bottom, waiting.”
次日早晨，哈桑在泡早餐红茶，他告诉我他做了一个梦。“我们在喀尔卡湖，你，我，爸爸，老爷，拉辛汗，还有几千个人。”他说，“天气暖和，阳光灿烂，湖水像镜子一样清澈。但是没有人游泳，因为他们说湖里有个鬼怪。它在湖底潜伏着，等待着。”
Hassan laughed. “It’s a dream, Amir agha, you can do anything. Anyway, everyone is screaming, ‘Get out! Get out!’ but we just swim in the cold water. We make it way out to the middle of the lake and we stop swimming. We turn toward the shore and wave to the people. They look small like ants, but we can hear them clapping. They see now. There is no monster, just water. They change the name of the lake after that, and call it the ‘Lake of Amir and Hassan, Sultans of Kabul,’ and we get to charge people money for swimming in it.”
哈桑哈哈大笑：“那是在梦里啊，阿米尔少爷，你能做任何事情。每个人都尖声叫唤：‘快起来！快起来！‘但我们只是在冰冷的湖水里面游泳。我们游到湖中央，停下来。我们转向湖岸，朝人们挥手。他们看起来像小小的蚂蚁，但我们能听到他们的掌声。现在他们知道了，湖里没有鬼怪，只有湖水。随后他们给湖改了名字，管它叫‘喀布尔的苏丹阿米尔和哈桑之湖‘。我们向那些到湖里游泳的人收钱。”
“But you can’t swim.”
“可是你不会游泳。”
He coated my “naan” with marmalade, placed it on a plate. “I don’t know. I was hoping you could tell me.”
他替我烤好馕饼，涂上甜果酱，放在盘子里。“我不知道，我还指望你告诉我呢。”
I sipped some tea. “Why don’t you ask him, then? He’s so smart,” I said, more curtly than I had intended. I hadn’t slept all night. My neck and back were like coiled springs, and my eyes stung. Still, I had been mean to Hassan. I almost apologized, then didn’t. Hassan understood I was just nervous. Hassan always understood about me.
我喝着茶，“那么你为什么不去问他呢？他多聪明呀。”我的不耐烦简直出乎自己意料。我彻夜未眠，脖子和后背像绷紧的钢丝，眼睛刺痛。即使这样，我对哈桑也太刻薄了。我差点向他道歉，但是没有。哈桑明白我只是精神紧张。哈桑总是明白我。
“Father says dreams always mean something.”
“爸爸说梦总是意味着某种东西。”
Upstairs, I could hear the water running in Baba’s bathroom.
楼上，我听见从爸爸的卫生间传来一阵水流的声音。
“So what does it mean?” I said.
“这梦是什么意思呢？”我说。
THE STREETS GLISTENED with fresh snow and the sky was a blameless blue. Snow blanketed every rooftop and weighed on the branches of the stunted mulberry trees that lined our street. Overnight, snow had nudged its way into every crack and gutter. I squinted against the blinding white when Hassan and I stepped through the wrought-iron gates. Ali shut the gates behind us. I heard him mutter a prayer under his breath — he always said a prayer when his son left the house.
街上新霁的积雪银光闪闪，天空蓝得无可挑剔。雪花覆盖了每一个屋顶，矮小的桑椹树在我们这条街排开，树枝上也堆满了积雪。一夜之间，雪花塞满了所有的裂缝和水沟。哈桑和我走出锻铁大门时，雪花反射出白晃晃的光芒，照得我睁不开眼。阿里在我们身后关上门。我听见他低声祈祷——每次他儿子外出，他总是要祈祷。
“Well, it’s a dumb dream. Nothing happens in it.”
“好吧，那是个愚蠢的梦而已，没有什么含义。”
I had never seen so many people on our street. Kids were flinging snowballs, squabbling, chasing one another, giggling. Kite fighters were huddling with their spool holders, making last minute preparations. From adjacent streets, I could hear laughter and chatter. Already, rooftops were jammed with spectators reclining in lawn chairs, hot tea steaming from thermoses, and the music of Ahmad Zahir blaring from cassette players. The immensely popular Ahmad Zahir had revolutionized Afghan music and outraged the purists by adding electric guitars, drums, and horns to the traditional tabla and harmonium; on stage or at parties, he shirked the austere and nearly morose stance of older singers and actually smiled when he sang — sometimes even at women. I turned my gaze to our rooftop, found Baba and Rahim Khan sitting on a bench, both dressed in wool sweaters, sipping tea. Baba waved. I couldn’t tell if he was waving at me or Hassan.
我从来没有见到街上有这么多人。儿童在打雪仗，拌嘴，相互追逐，咯咯笑着。风筝斗士和帮他们拿卷轴的人挤在一起，做最后的准备。周围的街道传来欢声笑语，各处屋顶已经挤满了看客，他们斜躺在折叠椅上，暖水壶里的红茶热气腾腾，录音机传出艾哈迈德·查希尔（Ahmad Zahir 1946～1979，阿富汗歌星）喧闹的音乐。风靡全国的艾哈迈德·查希尔改进了阿富汗音乐，给传统的手鼓和手风琴配上电吉他、小号和鼓，激怒了那些保守的教徒。无论在台上表演还是开派对，他都跟以前那些呆板的歌手不同，他拒绝木无表情的演出，而是边唱边微笑——有时甚至对女人微笑。我朝自家的屋顶看去，发现爸爸和拉辛汗坐在一张长凳上，两人都穿着羊毛衫，喝着茶。爸爸挥挥手，我不知道他究竟是跟我还是跟哈桑打招呼。
“We should get started,” Hassan said. He wore black rubber snow boots and a bright green chapan over a thick sweater and faded corduroy pants. Sunlight washed over his face, and, in it, I saw how well the pink scar above his lip had healed.
“我们得开始了。”哈桑说。他穿着一双黑色的橡胶雪靴，厚厚的羊毛衫和褪色的灯芯绒裤外面，罩着绿色的长袍。阳光照在他脸上，我看到他唇上那道粉红色的伤痕已经弥合得很好了。
“I’m not sure I want to fly a kite today,” I said.
“我有点不想在今天放风筝了。”我说。
Then he stepped toward me and, in a low voice, said something that scared me a little. “Remember, Amir agha. There’s no monster, just a beautiful day.” How could I be such an open book to him when, half the time, I had no idea what was milling around in his head? I was the one who went to school, the one who could read, write. I was the smart one. Hassan couldn’t read a first grade textbook but he’d read me plenty. That was a little unsettling, but also sort of comfortable to have someone who always knew what you needed.
接着他上前一步，低声说了一句让我有些吃惊的话。“记住，阿米尔少爷，没有鬼怪，只是个好日子。”我对他脑海盘桓的念头常常一无所知，可是我在他面前怎么就像一本打开的书？到学校上学的人是我，会读书写字的人是我，聪明伶俐的也是我。哈桑虽然看不懂一年级的课本，却能看穿我。这让人不安，可是有人永远对你的需求了如指掌，毕竟也叫人宽心。
“It’s a beautiful day,” Hassan said.
“今天是个好日子。”哈桑说。
I shifted on my feet. Tried to peel my gaze away from our rooftop. “I don’t know. Maybe we should go Home.”
我转动双脚，试图让眼光离开我们家的屋顶。“我不知道，也许我们该回家去。”
Suddenly I wanted to withdraw. Pack it all in, go back Home. What was I thinking? Why was I putting myself through this, when I already knew the outcome? Baba was on the roof, watching me. I felt his glare on me like the heat of a blistering sun. This would be failure on a grand scale, even for me.
突然间我想放弃，把东西收起来，转身回家。我在想什么呢？我既然已经知道结局，何必还要让自己来体验这一切呢？爸爸在屋顶上，看着我。我觉得他的眼光像太阳那样热得令人发烫。今天，即使是我，也必定难逃惨败。
He closed his eyes. Nodded.
他闭上双眼，点点头。
“No monster,” I said, feeling a little better, to my own surprise.
“没有鬼怪。”我低声说，出乎意料的是我竟然觉得好些了。
“Are you sure?”
“你确定？”
He smiled. “No monster.”
他微笑：“没有鬼怪。”
I looked to the kids scampering down the street, flinging snowballs. “It is a beautiful day, isn’t it?”
我看着那些在街道蹿上蹿下打雪仗的孩子，“今天是个好日子，对吧？”
It occurred to me then that maybe Hassan had made up his dream. Was that possible? I decided it wasn’t. Hassan wasn’t that smart. I wasn’t that smart. But made up or not, the silly dream had lifted some of my anxiety. Maybe I should take off my shirt, take a swim in the lake. Why not?
当时我觉得哈桑那个梦可能是他编出来的。那可能吗？我确定不是，哈桑没那么聪明，我也没那么聪明。但不管是否是编造的，那个愚蠢的梦缓解了我的焦虑。兴许我该除去衣服，到湖里去游一游。为什么不呢？
Hassan’s face brightened. “Good,” he said. He lifted our kite, red with yellow borders, and, just beneath where the central and cross spars met, marked with Saifo’s unmistakable signature. He licked his finger and held it up, tested the wind, then ran in its direction-on those rare occasions we flew kites in the summer, he’d kick up dust to see which way the wind blew it. The spool rolled in my hands until Hassan stopped, about fifty feet away. He held the kite high over his head, like an Olympic athlete showing his gold medal. I jerked the string twice, our usual signal, and Hassan tossed the kite.
哈桑神色一振：“好啊！”他举起我们的风筝：红色的风筝，镶着黄边，在竖轴和横轴交叉的地方，有塞弗的亲笔签名。他舔舔手指，把它举起，测试风向，然后顺风跑去。我们偶尔也在夏天放风筝，他会踢起灰尘，看风吹向什么方位。我手里的卷轴转动着，直到哈桑停下来，大约在五十英尺开外。他将风筝高举过顶，仿佛一个奥运会的田径运动员高举获得的金牌。按照我们往常的信号，我猛拉两次线，哈桑放开了风筝。
“Let’s fly,” he said.
“我们来放风筝吧。”他说。
“Let’s do it,” I said.
“我们来放。”我说。
At least two dozen kites already hung in the sky, like paper sharks roaming for prey. Within an hour, the number doubled, and red, blue, and yellow kites glided and spun in the sky. A cold breeze wafted through my hair. The wind was perfect for kite flying, blowing just hard enough to give some lift, make the sweeps easier. Next to me, Hassan held the spool, his hands already bloodied by the string.
空中已经挂着至少二十来只风筝，如同纸制的鲨鱼，巡游搜猎食物。不到一个钟头，这个数字翻了一番，红色的、蓝色的、黄色的风筝在苍穹来回飞舞，熠熠生辉。寒冷的微风吹过我的头发。这风正适宜放风筝，风速不大，恰好能让风筝飘浮起来，也便于操控。哈桑在我身旁，帮忙拿着卷轴，手掌已被线割得鲜血淋漓。
Soon, the cutting started and the first of the defeated kites whirled out of control. They fell from the sky like shooting stars with brilliant, rippling tails, showering the neighborhoods below with prizes for the kite runners. I could hear the runners now, hollering as they ran the streets. Someone shouted reports of a fight breaking out two streets down.
顷刻间，割线开始了，第一批被挫败的风筝断了线，回旋着跌落下来。它们像流星那样划过苍天，拖着闪亮的尾巴，散落在临近的街区，给追风筝的人带来奖赏。我能听得见那些追风筝的人，高声叫嚷，奔过大街小巷。有人扯开喉咙，报告说有两条街上爆发冲突了。
Caught between Baba and the mullahs at school, I still hadn’t made up my mind about God. But when a Koran ayat I had learned in my diniyat class rose to my lips, I muttered it. I took a deep breath, exhaled, and pulled on the string. Within a minute, my kite was rocketing to the sky. It made a sound like a paper bird flapping its wings. Hassan clapped his hands, whistled, and ran back to me. I handed him the spool, holding on to the string, and he spun it quickly to roll the loose string back on.
虽说爸爸和学校的老师诲我不倦，我终究无法对真主死心塌地。可是当时，从教义答问课程学到的某段《可兰经》涌上嘴边，我低声念诵，然后深深吸气，呼气，跟着拉线跑开。不消一分钟，我的风筝扶摇直上，发出宛如鸟儿扑打翅膀的声音。哈桑拍掌称好，跑在我身后。我把卷轴交给他，双手拉紧风筝线，他敏捷地将那松弛的线卷起来。
I kept stealing glances at Baba sitting with Rahim Khan on the roof, wondered what he was thinking. Was he cheering for me? Or did a part of him enjoy watching me fail? That was the thing about kite flying: Your mind drifted with the kite.
我偷眼望向爸爸，看见他和拉辛汗坐在一起，寻思他眼下在想些什么。他在为我加油吗？还是希望我的失败给他带来愉悦？放风筝就是这样的，思绪随着风筝高低起伏。
They were coming down all over the place now, the kites, and I was still flying. I was still flying. My eyes kept wandering over to Baba, bundled up in his wool sweater. Was he surprised I had lasted as long as I had? You don’t keep your eyes to the sky, you won’t last much longer. I snapped my gaze back to the sky. A red kite was closing in on me — I’d caught it just in time. I tangled a bit with it, ended up besting him when he became impatient and tried to cut me from below.
风筝纷纷坠下，而我的仍在翱翔。我仍在放着风筝，双眼不时瞟向爸爸，紧紧盯着他的羊毛衫。我坚持了这么久，他是不是很吃惊？你的眼睛没有看着天上，你坚持不了多久啦。我将视线收回空中。有只红色的风筝正在飞近——我发现它的时间恰到好处。我跟它对峙了一会，它失去耐心，试图从下面割断我，我将它送上了不归路。
Up and down the streets, kite runners were returning triumphantly, their captured kites held high. They showed them off to their parents, their friends. But they all knew the best was yet to come. The biggest prize of all was still flying. I sliced a bright yellow kite with a coiled white tail. It cost me another gash on the index finger and blood trickled down into my palm. I had Hassan hold the string and sucked the blood dry, blotted my finger against my jeans.
街头巷尾满是凯旋而回的追风筝者，他们高举追到的战利品，拿着它们在亲朋好友面前炫耀。但他们统统知道最好的还没出现，最大的奖项还在飞翔。我割断了一只带有白色尾巴的黄风筝，代价是食指又多了一道伤口，血液汩汩流入我的掌心。我让哈桑拿着线，把血吸干，在牛仔裤上擦擦手指。
“How many has he cut?” I asked.
“它干掉几只？”我问。
By three o’clock that afternoon, tufts of clouds had drifted in and the sun had slipped behind them. Shadows started to lengthen. The spectators on the roofs bundled up in scarves and thick coats. We were down to a half dozen and I was still flying. My legs ached and my neck was stiff. But with each defeated kite, hope grew in my heart, like snow collecting on a wall, one flake at a time.
到下午三点，阴云密布，太阳躲在它们后面，影子开始拉长，屋顶那些看客戴上围巾，穿上厚厚的外套。只剩下六只风筝了，我仍是其中之一。我双腿发痛，脖子僵硬。但看到风筝一只只掉落，心里的希望一点点增大，就像堆在墙上的雪花那样，一次一片地累积。
My eyes kept returning to a blue kite that had been wreaking havoc for the last hour.
我的眼光转向一只蓝风筝，在过去那个钟头里面，它大开杀戒。
“Do you know whose it might be?”
“你知道放风筝的人是谁吗？”
Hassan clucked his tongue and tipped his chin. That was a trademark Hassan gesture, meant he had no idea. The blue kite sliced a big purple one and swept twice in big loops. Ten minutes later, he’d cut another two, sending hordes of kite runners racing after them.
哈桑啪嗒一下舌头，仰起下巴。那是哈桑的招牌动作，表示他不知道。蓝风筝割断一只紫色的大家伙，转了两个大圈。隔了十分钟，它又干掉两只，追风筝的人蜂拥而上，追逐它们去了。
“I counted eleven,” Hassan said.
“我数过了，十一只。”哈桑说。
Within another hour, the number of surviving kites dwindled from maybe fifty to a dozen. I was one of them. I’d made it to the last dozen. I knew this part of the tournament would take a while, because the guys who had lasted this long were good — they wouldn’t easily fall into simple traps like the old lift-and-dive, Hassan’s favorite trick.
又过了一个钟头，天空中幸存的风筝，已经从约莫五十只剧减到十来只。我的是其中之一，我杀入前十二名。我知道巡回赛到了这个阶段，会持续一段时间，因为那些家伙既然能活下来，技术实在非同小可——他们可不会掉进简单的陷阱里面，比如哈桑最喜欢用的那招，古老的猛升急降。
But all I heard — all I willed myself to hear — was the thudding of blood in my head. All I saw was the blue kite. All I smelled was victory. Salvation. Redemption. If Baba was wrong and there was a God like they said in school, then He’d let me win. I didn’t know what the other guy was playing for, maybe just bragging rights. But this was my one chance to become someone who was looked at, not seen, listened to, not heard. If there was a God, He’d guide the winds, let them blow for me so that, with a tug of my string, I’d cut loose my pain, my longing. I’d endured too much, come too far. And suddenly, just like that, hope became knowledge. I was going to win. It was just a matter of when.
但我所能听到的——我迫使自己听到的——是脑袋里血液奔流的声音。我所看到的，只是那只蓝风筝。我所闻到的，只是胜利的味道。获救。赎罪。如果爸爸是错的，如果真像他们在学校说的，有那么一位真主，那么他会让我赢得胜利。我不知道其他家伙斗风筝为了什么，也许是为了在人前吹嘘吧。但于我而言，这是惟一的机会，让我可以成为一个被注目而非仅仅被看到、被聆听而非仅仅被听到的人。倘若真主存在，他会引导风向，让它助我成功，我一拉线，就能割断我的痛苦，割断我的渴求，我业已忍耐得太久，业已走得太远。刹那之间，就这样，我信心十足。我会赢。只是迟早的问题。
After another thirty minutes, only four kites remained. And I was still flying. It seemed I could hardly make a wrong move, as if every gust of wind blew in my favor. I’d never felt so in command, so lucky It felt intoxicating. I didn’t dare look up to the roof. Didn’t dare take my eyes off the sky. I had to concentrate, play it smart. Another fifteen minutes and what had seemed like a laughable dream that morning had suddenly become reality: It was just me and the other guy. The blue kite.
又过了半个小时，只剩下四只风筝了。我的风筝仍在飞翔，我的动作无懈可击，仿佛阵阵寒风都照我的意思吹来。我从来没有这般胜券在握，这么幸运，太让人兴奋了！我不敢抬眼望向那屋顶，眼光不敢从天空移开，我得聚精会神，聪明地操控风筝。又过了十五分钟，早上那个看起来十分好笑的梦突然之间触手可及：只剩下我和另外一个家伙了，那只蓝风筝。
The tension in the air was as taut as the glass string I was tugging with my bloody hands. People were stomping their feet, clapping, whistling, chanting, “Boboresh! Boboresh!” Cut him! Cut him! I wondered if Baba’s voice was one of them. music blasted. The smell of steamed mantu and fried pakora drifted from rooftops and open doors.
局势紧张得如同我流血的手拉着的那条玻璃线。人们纷纷顿足、拍掌、尖叫、欢呼。“干掉它！干掉它！”我在想，爸爸会不会也在欢呼呢？音乐震耳欲聋，蒸馒头和油炸菜饼的香味从屋顶和敞开的门户飘出来。
“You’re almost there, Amir agha! Almost there!” Hassan was panting.
“你快赢了，阿米尔少爷，快赢了！”哈桑兴奋得直喘气。
Then the moment came. I closed my eyes and loosened my grip on the string. It sliced my fingers again as the wind dragged it. And then… I didn’t need to hear the crowd’s roar to know I didn’t need to see either. Hassan was screaming and his arm was wrapped around my neck.
那一刻来临了。我合上双眼，松开拉着线的手。寒风将风筝拉高，线又在我手指割开一个创口。接着…不用听人群欢呼我也知道，我也不用看。哈桑抱着我的脖子，不断尖叫。
“Bravo! Bravo, Amir agha!”
“太棒了！太棒了！阿米尔少爷！”
It turned out to be sooner than later. A gust of wind lifted my kite and I took advantage. Fed the string, pulled up. Looped my kite on top of the blue one. I held position. The blue kite knew it was in trouble. It was trying desperately to maneuver out of the jam, but I didn’t let go. I held position. The crowd sensed the end was at hand. The chorus of “Cut him! Cut him!” grew louder, like Romans chanting for the gladiators to kill, kill!
结果比我预想的要快。一阵风拉升了我的风筝，我占据了有利的位置。我卷开线，让它飞高。我的风筝转了一个圈，飞到那只蓝色家伙的上面，我稳住位置。蓝风筝知道自己麻烦来了，它绝望地使出各种花招，试图摆脱险境，但我不会放过它，我稳住位置。人群知道胜负即将揭晓。“干掉它！干掉它！”的齐声欢呼越来越响，仿佛罗马人对着斗士高喊“杀啊！杀啊！”。
I opened my eyes, saw the blue kite spinning wildly like a tire come loose from a speeding car. I blinked, tried to say something. Nothing came out. Suddenly I was hovering, looking down on myself from above. Black leather coat, red scarf, faded jeans. A thin boy, a little sallow, and a tad short for his twelve years. He had narrow shoulders and a hint of dark circles around his pale hazel eyes. The breeze rustled his light brown hair. He looked up to me and we smiled at each other.
我睁开眼睛，望见蓝风筝猛然扎下，好像轮胎从高速行驶的轿车脱落。我眨眨眼，疲累不堪，想说些什么，却没有说出来。突然间我腾空而起，从空中望着自己。黑色的皮衣，红色的围巾，褪色的牛仔裤。一个瘦弱的男孩，肤色微黄，身材对于十二岁的孩子来说显得有些矮小。他肩膀窄小，黑色的眼圈围着淡褐色的眼珠，微风吹起他淡棕色的头发。他抬头望着我，我们相视微笑。
“We won! We won!” was all I could say. This wasn’t happening. In a moment, I’d blink and rouse from this beautiful dream, get out of bed, march down to the kitchen to eat breakfast with no one to talk to but Hassan. Get dressed. Wait for Baba. Give up. Back to my old life. Then I saw Baba on our roof. He was standing on the edge, pumping both of his fists. Hollering and clapping. And that right there was the single greatest moment of my twelve years of life, seeing Baba on that roof, proud of me at last.
“我们赢了！我们赢了！”我只说出这句话。这是真的吗？在过去的日子里，我眨眨眼，从美梦中醒来，起床，下楼到厨房去吃早餐，除了哈桑没人跟我说话。穿好衣服。等爸爸。放弃。回到我原来的生活。然后我看到爸爸在我们的屋顶上，他站在屋顶边缘，双拳挥舞，高声欢呼，拍掌称快。就在那儿，我体验到有生以来最棒的一刻，看见爸爸站在屋顶上，终于以我为荣。
But he was doing something now, motioning with his hands in an urgent way. Then I understood. “Hassan, we –“
但他似乎在做别的事情，双手焦急地摇动。于是我明白了，“哈桑，我们…”
Then I was screaming, and everything was color and sound, everything was alive and good. I was throwing my free arm around Hassan and we were hopping up and down, both of us laughing, both of us weeping. “You won, Amir agha! You won!”
然后我高声尖叫，一切都是那么色彩斑斓、那么悦耳动听，一切都是那么鲜活、那么美好。我伸出空手抱着哈桑，我们跳上跳下，我们两个都笑着、哭着。“你赢了，阿米尔少爷！你赢了！”
“I know,” he said, breaking our embrace. “Inshallah, we’ll celebrate later. Right now, I’m going to run that blue kite for you,” he said. He dropped the spool and took off running, the hem of his green chapan dragging in the snow behind him.
“我知道，”他从我们的拥抱中挣脱，“安拉保佑，我们等会再庆祝吧。现在，我要去帮你追那只蓝风筝。”他放下卷轴，撒腿就跑，他穿的那件绿色长袍的后褶边拖在雪地上。
“Hassan!” I called. “Come back with it!”
“哈桑！”我大喊，“把它带回来！”
I began to pull my kite back as people rushed to congratulate me. I shook hands with them, said my thanks. The younger kids looked at me with an awestruck twinkle in their eyes; I was a hero. Hands patted my back and tousled my hair. I pulled on the string and returned every smile, but my mind was on the blue kite.
人群涌上来向我道贺，我开始把风筝收回来。我跟他们握手，向他们道谢。那些比我更小的孩童望着我的眼神充满敬畏，我是个英雄。人们伸手拍拍我的后背，摸摸我的头发。我边拉着线，边朝每个人微笑，但我的心思在那个蓝风筝上。
Finally, I had my kite in hand. I wrapped the loose string that had collected at my feet around the spool, shook a few more hands, and trotted Home. When I reached the wrought-iron gates, Ali was waiting on the other side. He stuck his hand through the bars. “Congratulations,” he said.
最后，我收回了自己的风筝。我捡起脚下的卷轴，把松弛的线收好，期间又握了几双手，接着走回家。走到那扇锻铁大门时，阿里在门后等着，他从栅栏伸出手，“恭喜。”
He was already turning the street corner, his rubber boots kicking up snow. He stopped, turned. He cupped his hands around his mouth. “For you a thousand times over!” he said. Then he smiled his Hassan smile and disappeared around the corner. The next time I saw him smile unabashedly like that was twenty-six years later, in a faded Polaroid photograph.
他的橡胶靴子踢起阵阵雪花，已经飞奔到街道的拐角处。他停下来，转身，双手放在嘴边，说：“为你，千千万万遍！”然后露出一脸哈桑式的微笑，消失在街角之后。再一次看到他笑得如此灿烂，已是二十六年之后，在一张褪色的宝丽莱照片上。
I gave him my kite and spool, shook his hand. “Tashakor, Ali jan.”
我把风筝和卷轴给他，握握他的手，“谢谢你，亲爱的阿里。”
“Then keep praying. We’re not done yet.”
“继续祈祷吧，我们还没全赢呢。”
“I was praying for you the whole time.”
“我一直为你祈祷。”
I hurried back to the street. I didn’t ask Ali about Baba. I didn’t want to see him yet. In my head, I had it all planned: I’d make a grand entrance, a hero, prized trophy in my bloodied hands. Heads would turn and eyes would lock. Rostam and Sohrab sizing each other up. A dramatic moment of silence. Then the old warrior would walk to the young one, embrace him, acknowledge his worthiness. Vindication. Salvation. Redemption. And then? Well… happily ever after, of course. What else?
我匆忙走回街上。我没向阿里问起爸爸，我还不想见到他。在我脑里，一切都计划好了：我要班师回朝，像一个英雄，用鲜血淋漓的手捧着战利品。我要万头攒动，万众瞩目，罗斯坦和索拉博彼此打量，此时无声胜有声。然后年老的战士会走向年轻的战士，抱着他，承认他出类拔萃。证明。获救。赎罪。然后呢？这么说吧…之后当然是永远幸福。还会有别的吗？
The streets of Wazir Akbar Khan were numbered and set at right angles to each other like a grid. It was a new neighborhood then, still developing, with empty lots of land and half-constructed Homes on every street between compounds surrounded by eight-foot walls. I ran up and down every street, looking for Hassan. Everywhere, people were busy folding chairs, packing food and utensils after a long day of partying. Some, still sitting on their rooftops, shouted their congratulations to me.
瓦兹尔·阿克巴·汗区的街道不多，彼此成直角纵横交错，像个棋盘。当时它是个新城区，仍在蓬勃发展中，已建成的住宅区有八英尺高的围墙，在它们之间，街道上有大量的空地和尚未完工的房子。我跑遍每条街巷，搜寻哈桑的踪迹。到处都是忙着收起折叠椅的人们，在整天的狂欢之后，收起食物和器皿。有些还坐在他们的屋顶上，高声向我道贺。
I nodded.
我点点头。
Omar flicked a thumb over his shoulder, pointing southwest. “I saw him running toward the bazaar awhile ago.”
奥马尔伸出拇指，朝肩膀后指了指西南边的方向：“刚才我看见他朝市场那边跑过去。”
Omar headed the ball to his brother. “I hear he’s a great kite runner.” His brother headed the ball back to him. Omar caught it, tossed it up and down. “Although I’ve always wondered how he manages. I mean, with those tight little eyes, how does he see anything?”
奥马尔用头将足球顶给他弟弟，“我听说他追风筝可厉害了。”他弟弟将足球顶回来，奥马尔伸手抓住，拍上拍下。“不过我总是奇怪他是怎么追到的。我的意思是说，他的眼睛那么小，怎么能看到任何东西呢？”
“Have you seen him?”
“你见到他了吗？”
His brother laughed, a short burst, and asked for the ball. Omar ignored him.
他弟弟哈哈大笑，随后又要回足球，奥马尔没理他。
“Thanks. Have you seen Hassan?”
“谢谢，你见到哈桑了吗？”
By the time I reached the marketplace, the sun had almost sunk behind the hills and dusk had painted the sky pink and purple. A few blocks away, from the Haji Yaghoub Mosque, the mullah bellowed azan, calling for the faithful to unroll their rugs and bow their heads west in prayer. Hassan never missed any of the five daily prayers. Even when we were out playing, he’d excuse himself, draw water from the well in the yard, wash up, and disappear into the hut. He’d come out a few minutes later, smiling, find me sitting against the wall or perched on a tree. He was going to miss prayer tonight, though, because of me.
我到达市场那边时，太阳已经快下山了，粉红色和紫色的晚霞点缀着天空。再走几条街就是哈吉·雅霍清真寺，僧侣在那儿高声呼喊，号令那些朝拜者铺开毯子，朝西边磕头，诚心祷告。每日五次的祈祷哈桑从不错过，就算我们在玩，他也会告退，从院子里的深井汲起一桶水，清洗完毕，消失在那间破屋子里面。隔几分钟，他就会面带微笑走出来，发现我坐在墙上，或者坐在树枝上。可是，他今晚就要错过祈祷了，那全因为我。
“Thanks.” I scuttled away.
“谢谢。”我赶忙跑开。
“I heard you won, Amir, he said. “Congratulations.”
“听说你赢了，阿米尔，”他说，“恭喜恭喜。”
Four streets south of ours, I saw Omar, the son of an engineer who was a friend of Baba’s. He was dribbling a soccer ball with his brother on the front lawn of their house. Omar was a pretty good guy. We’d been classmates in fourth grade, and one time he’d given me a fountain pen, the kind you had to load with a cartridge.
在我们家南边第四条街，我碰到奥马尔，他父亲是工程师，也是爸爸的朋友。他正在自家门前的草坪上，跟他弟弟玩足球。奥马尔是个不错的家伙。我们是四年级的同学，有次他送给我一枝水笔，配有抽取式墨水盒那种。
“Your Hazara?”
“你的哈扎拉人？”
“Which way did he go?”
“他跑哪边去了？”
The bazaar was emptying quickly, the merchants finishing up their haggling for the day. I trotted in the mud between rows of closely packed cubicles where you could buy a freshly slaughtered pheasant in one stand and a calculator from the adjacent one. I picked my way through the dwindling crowd, the lame beggars dressed in layers of tattered rags, the vendors with rugs on their shoulders, the cloth merchants and butchers closing shop for the day. I found no sign of Hassan.
市场不一会就空荡荡的，做生意的人都打烊了。我在一片泥泞中奔走，两边是成排的、挤得紧紧的小店，人们可以在一个血水横流的摊前买刚宰好的野鸡，而隔壁的小店则出售电子计算器。我在零落的人群中寻路前进，步履维艰的乞丐身上披着一层又一层的破布，小贩肩上扛着毛毯，布料商人和出售生鲜的屠夫则在关上铺门。我找不到哈桑的踪迹。
He eyed me up and down. “What is a boy like you doing here at this time of the day looking for a Hazara?” His glance lingered admiringly on my leather coat and my jeans-cowboy pants, we used to call them. In Afghanistan, owning anything American, especially if it wasn’t secondhand, was a sign of wealth.
他上下打量着我：“像你这样的男孩，干吗在这个时候找一个哈扎拉人呢？”他艳羡地看着我的皮衣和牛仔裤——牛仔穿的裤子，我们总是这样说。在阿富汗，拥有任何不是二手的美国货，都是财富的象征。
I stopped by a dried fruit stand, described Hassan to an old merchant loading his mule with crates of pine seeds and raisins. He wore a powder blue turban.
我停在一个卖干果的小摊前面，有个年老的商人戴着蓝色的头巾，把一袋袋松子和葡萄干放到驴子身上。我向他描述哈桑的相貌。
He paused to look at me for a long time before answering. “I might have seen him.”
他停下来，久久看着我，然后开口说：“兴许我见过他。”
“He’s our servant’s son,” I said.
“他是我家仆人的儿子。”我说。
“What is he to you?” he said. I didn’t see the point of his question, but I reminded myself that impatience wasn’t going to make him tell me any faster.
“他是你的什么人？”他问。我不知道他干吗要这样问，但我提醒自己，不耐烦只会让他缄口不言。
“I need to find him, Agha.”
“我得找到他，老爷。”
The old man raised a pepper gray eyebrow. “He is? Lucky Hazara, having such a concerned master. His father should get on his knees, sweep the dust at your feet with his eyelashes.”
那老人扬了扬灰白的眉毛：“是吗？幸运的哈扎拉人，有这么关心他的主人。他的父亲应该跪在你跟前，用睫毛扫去你靴子上的灰尘。”
“Are you going to tell me or not?”
“你到底告不告诉我啊？”
“He did?” I said. For you a thousand times over, he’d promised. Good old Hassan. Good old reliable Hassan. He’d kept his promise and run the last kite for me.
“真的吗？”我说。为你，千千万万遍。他这样承诺过。好样的，哈桑。好样的，可靠的哈桑。他一诺千金，替我追到了最后那只风筝。
“The other boys,” he said. “The ones chasing him. They were dressed like you.” He glanced to the sky and sighed. “Now, run along, you’re making me late for nainaz.”
“其他几个男孩。”他说，“他们追着他，他们的打扮跟你差不多。”他抬眼看看天空，叹了口气，“走开吧，你耽误了我做祷告。”
He rested an arm on the mule’s back, pointed south. “I think I saw the boy you described running that way. He had a kite in his hand. A blue one.”
他将一只手放在驴背上，指着南边：“我想我看见你说的那个男孩朝那边跑去。他手里拿着一只风筝，蓝色的风筝。”
“Who?”
“什么人？”
“Of course, they’ve probably caught him by now,” the old merchant said, grunting and loading another box on the mule’s back.
“当然，这个时候他们也许已经逮住他了。”那个老人咕哝着说，把另一个箱子搬到驴背上。
For the next few minutes, I scoured the bazaar in vain. Maybe the old merchant’s eyes had betrayed him. Except he’d seen the blue kite. The thought of getting my hands on that kite… I poked my head behind every lane, every shop. No sign of Hassan.
有那么几分钟，我徒劳无功地在市场中搜寻着。兴许那个老人看走了眼，可是他看到了蓝色的风筝。想到亲手拿着那只风筝…我探头寻找每条通道，每家店铺。没有哈桑的踪迹。
But I was already scrambling down the lane.
但我已经朝那条小巷飞奔而去。
I heard the voices again, louder this time, coming from one of the alleys. I crept close to the mouth of the alley. Held my breath. Peeked around the corner.
我又听见那声音，这次更响了，从某条小巷传出来。我悄悄走进巷口，屏住呼吸，在拐角处窥探。
I had begun to worry that darkness would fall before I found Hassan when I heard voices from up ahead. I’d reached a secluded, muddy road. It ran perpendicular to the end of the main thoroughfare bisecting the bazaar. I turned onto the rutted track and followed the voices. My boot squished in mud with every step and my breath puffed out in white clouds before me. The narrow path ran parallel on one side to a snow-filled ravine through which a stream may have tumbled in the spring. To my other side stood rows of snow-burdened cypress trees peppered among flat-topped clay houses — no more than mud shacks in most cases — separated by narrow alleys.
我正在担心天就快黑了，听到前面传来一阵声响。我来到一条僻静、泥泞的小巷。市场被一条大路分成两半，它就在那条大路的末端，成直角伸展开去。小巷车辙宛然，我走在上面，随着声音而去。靴子在泥泞中吱嘎作响，我呼出的气变成白雾。这狭窄的巷道跟一条冻结小溪平行，要是在春天，会有溪水潺潺流淌。小巷的另外一边是成排的柏树，枝头堆满积雪，散落在一些窄巷交错的平顶黏土房屋之间——那些房子比土屋茅舍好不了多少。
Blocking Hassan’s way out of the alley were three boys, the same three from that day on the hill, the day after Daoud Khan’s coup, when Hassan had saved us with his slingshot. Wali was standing on one side, Kamal on the other, and in the middle, Assef. I felt my body clench up, and something cold rippled up my spine. Assef seemed relaxed, confident. He was twirling his brass knuckles. The other two guys shifted nervously on their feet, looking from Assef to Hassan, like they’d cornered some kind of wild animal that only Assef could tame.
挡住哈桑去路的是三个男孩，就是达乌德汗发动政变隔日，我们在山脚遇到、随后又被哈桑用弹弓打发走的那三个。瓦里站在一边，卡莫在另外一边，阿塞夫站在中间。我感到自己身体收缩，一阵寒意从脊背升起。阿塞夫神态放松而自信，他正在戴上他的不锈钢拳套。其他两个家伙紧张地挪动着双脚，看看阿塞夫，又看看哈桑，仿佛他们困住某种野兽，只有阿塞夫才能驯服。
Hassan was standing at the blind end of the alley in a defiant stance: fists curled, legs slightly apart. Behind him, sitting on piles of scrap and rubble, was the blue kite. My key to Baba’s heart.
那小巷是死胡同，哈桑站在末端，摆出一副防御的姿势：拳头紧握，双腿微微张开。在他身后，有一堆破布瓦砾，摆着那只蓝风筝。那是我打开爸爸心门的钥匙。
“Where is your slingshot, Hazara?” Assef said, turning the brass knuckles in his hand. “What was it you said? ‘They’ll have to call you One-Eyed Assef.’ That’s right. One-Eyed Assef. That was clever. Really clever. Then again, it’s easy to be clever when you’re holding a loaded weapon.”
“你的弹弓呢，哈扎拉人？”阿塞夫说，玩弄着手上的拳套，“你说过什么来着？‘他们会管你叫独眼龙阿塞夫。’很好，独眼龙阿塞夫。太聪明了，真的很聪明。再说一次，当人们手里握着上了膛的武器，想不变得聪明也难。”
“But today is your lucky day, Hazara,” Assef said. He had his back to me, but I would have bet he was grinning. “I’m in a mood to forgive. What do you say to that, boys?”
“但你今天很幸运，哈扎拉人。”阿塞夫说。他背朝我，但我敢打赌他脸上一定挂着邪恶的笑容。“我心情很好，可以原谅你。你们说呢，小子们？”
“That’s generous,” Kamal blurted, “Especially after the rude manners he showed us last time.” He was trying to sound like Assef, except there was a tremor in his voice. Then I understand: He wasn’t afraid of Hassan, not really. He was afraid because he had no idea what Assef had in mind.
“太宽宏大量了，”卡莫喊道，“特别是考虑到他上次对我们那样粗鲁无礼。”他想学着阿塞夫的语调，可是声音里面有些颤抖。于是我明白了：他害怕的不是哈桑，绝对不是。他害怕，是因为不知道阿塞夫在打什么主意。
I realized I still hadn’t breathed out. I exhaled, slowly, quietly. I felt paralyzed. I watched them close in on the boy I’d grown up with, the boy whose harelipped face had been my first memory.
我觉得自己无法呼吸。我慢慢地、安静地呼着气，全身麻木。我看见他们逼近那个跟我共同长大的男孩，那个我懂事起就记得他的兔唇的男孩。
Assef waved a dismissive hand. “Bakhshida. Forgiven. It’s done.” His voice dropped a little. “Of course, nothing is free in this world, and my pardon comes with a small price.”
阿塞夫做了个解散的手势。“原谅你，就这样。”他声音放低一些，“当然，这个世界没有什么是免费的，我的原谅需要一点小小的代价。”
“That’s fair,” Kamal said.
“很公平。”卡莫说。
“You’re a lucky Hazara,” Assef said, taking a step toward Hassan. “Because today, it’s only going to cost you that blue kite. A fair deal, boys, isn’t it?”
“你真是个幸运的哈扎拉人。”阿塞夫说，朝哈桑迈上一步。“因为今天，你所有付出的代价只是这个蓝风筝。公平的交易，小子们，是不是啊？”
“Nothing is free,” Wali added.
“没有什么是免费的。”瓦里加上一句。
“But before you sacrifice yourself for him, think about this:”
“但在你为他献身之前，你想过吗？”
“A loyal Hazara. Loyal as a dog,” Assef said. Kamal’s laugh was a shrill, nervous sound.
“忠心的哈扎拉人，像狗一样忠心。”阿塞夫说。卡莫发出一阵战栗、紧张的笑声。
“More than fair,” Kamal said.
“不止公平呢。”卡莫说。
“Amir agha and I are friends,” Hassan said. He looked flushed.
“阿米尔少爷跟我是朋友。”哈桑红着脸说。
Even from where I was standing, I could see the fear creeping into Hassan’s eyes, but he shook his head. “Amir agha won the tournament and I ran this kite for him. I ran it fairly. This is his kite.”
即使从我站的地方，我也能看到哈桑眼里流露的恐惧，可是他摇摇头。“阿米尔少爷赢得巡回赛，我替他追这只风筝。我公平地追到它，这是他的风筝。”
“Would he do the same for you? Have you ever wondered why he never includes you in games when he has guests? Why he only plays with you when no one else is around? I’ll tell you why, Hazara. Because to him, you’re nothing but an ugly pet. Something he can play with when he’s bored, something he can kick when he’s angry. Don’t ever fool yourself and think you’re something more.”
“他会为你献身吗？难道你没有觉得奇怪，为什么他跟客人玩总不喊上你？为什么他总是在没有人的时候才理睬你？我告诉你为什么，哈扎拉人。因为对他来说，你什么都不是，只是一只丑陋的宠物。一种他无聊的时候可以玩的东西，一种他发怒的时候可以踢开的东西。别欺骗自己了，别以为你意味着更多。”
Hassan stooped and picked up a rock.
哈桑弯腰捡起一块石头。
“Friends?” Assef said, laughing. “You pathetic fool! Someday you’ll wake up from your little fantasy and learn just how good of a friend he is. Now, bas! Enough of this. Give us that kite.”
“朋友？”阿塞夫大笑说，“你这个可怜的白痴！总有一天你会从这小小的幻想中醒来，发现他是个多么好的朋友。听着，够了，把风筝给我们。”
Hassan’s answer was to cock the arm that held the rock.
哈桑的回答是高举那只抓着石头的手。
Assef flinched. He began to take a step back, stopped. “Last chance, Hazara.”
阿塞夫一愣，他开始退后一步，“最后的机会了，哈扎拉人。”
Assef motioned with his hand, and the other two boys separated, forming a half circle, trapping Hassan in the alley.
阿塞夫挥挥手，其他两个男孩散开，形成半圆，将哈桑包围在小巷里面。
“Whatever you wish.” Assef unbuttoned his winter coat, took it off, folded it slowly and deliberately. He placed it against the wall.
“不管你想干吗，”阿塞夫解开外套的纽扣，将其脱下，慢条斯理地折叠好，将它放在墙边。
I opened my mouth, almost said something. Almost. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had. But I didn’t. I just watched. Paralyzed.
我张开嘴，几乎喊出来。如果我喊出来，我生命中剩下的光阴将会全然改观。但我没有，我只是看着，浑身麻木。
“I’ve changed my mind,” Assef said. “I’m letting you keep the kite, Hazara. I’ll let you keep it so it will always remind you of what I’m about to do.”
“我改变主意了，”阿塞夫说，“我不会拿走你的风筝，哈扎拉人。你会留着它，以便它可以一直提醒你我将要做的事情。”
Then he charged. Hassan hurled the rock. It struck Assef in the forehead. Assef yelped as he flung himself at Hassan, knocking him to the ground. Wall and Kamal followed.
然后他动手了，哈桑扔出石块，击中了阿塞夫的额头。阿塞夫大叫着扑向哈桑，将他击倒在地。瓦里和卡莫一拥而上。
I bit on my fist. Shut my eyes.
我抓紧拳头，合上双眼。
A MEMORY:
一段记忆：
“Did you know Hassan and you fed from the same breast? Did you know that, Amir agha? Sakina, her name was. She was a fair, blue-eyed Hazara woman from Bamiyan and she sang you old wedding songs. They say there is a brotherhood between people who’ve fed from the same breast. Did you know that?”
“你知道哈桑跟你喝着同一个胸脯的奶水长大吗？你知道吗，阿米尔少爷？萨吉娜，乳母的名字。她是个漂亮的哈扎拉女人，有双蓝眼睛，从巴米扬来，她给你们唱古老的婚礼歌谣。人们说同一个胸脯喂大的人就是兄弟。你知道吗？”
“A rupia each, children. Just one rupia each and I will part the curtain of truth.” The old man sits against a mud wall. His sightless eyes are like molten silver embedded in deep, twin craters. Hunched over his cane, the fortune-teller runs a gnarled hand across the surface of his deflated cheeks. Cups it before us. “Not much to ask for the truth, is it, a rupia each?” Hassan drops a coin in the leathery palm. I drop mine too. “In the name of Allah most beneficent, most merciful,” the old fortune-teller whispers. He takes Hassan’s hand first, strokes the palm with one hornlike fingernail, round and round, round and round. The finger then floats to Hassan’s face and makes a dry, scratchy sound as it slowly traces the curve of his cheeks, the outline of his ears. The calloused pads of his fingers brush against Hassan’s eyes. The hand stops there. Lingers. A shadow passes across the old man’s face. Hassan and I exchange a glance. The old man takes Hassan’s hand and puts the rupia back in Hassan’s palm. He turns to me. “How about you, young friend?” he says. On the other side of the wall, a rooster crows. The old man reaches for my hand and I withdraw it.
“每人一个卢比，孩子们。每人只要一个卢比，我就会替你们揭开命运的帷幕。”那个老人倚墙而坐，黯淡无光的双眼像滑溜溜的银子，镶嵌在一双深深的火山洞口中。算命先生弯腰拄着拐杖，从消瘦的脸颊下面伸出一只嶙峋的手，在我们面前做成杯状。“每人一个卢比就可知道命运，不贵吧？”哈桑放了个铜钿在他粗糙的手掌上，我也放了一个。“以最仁慈、最悲悯的安拉之名。”那位老算命先生低声说。他先是拿起哈桑的手，用一只兽角般的指甲，在他掌心转了又转，转了又转。跟着那根手指飘向哈桑的脸庞，慢慢摸索着哈桑脸颊的曲线、耳朵的轮廓，发出干燥的刮擦声。他的手指生满老茧，轻轻拂着哈桑的眼睑。手停在那儿，迟疑不去。老人脸上掠过一抹阴影，哈桑和我对望了一眼。老人抓起哈桑手，把那个卢比还给他。“让我看看你怎么样，小朋友？”他说。墙那边传来公鸡的叫声。老人伸手来拉我的手，我抽回来。
A memory:
一段记忆：
A HAVOC OF SCRAP AND RUBBLE littered the alley. Worn bicycle tires, bottles with peeled labels, ripped up magazines, yellowed newspapers, all scattered amid a pile of bricks and slabs of cement. A rusted cast-iron stove with a gaping hole on its side tilted against a wall. But there were two things amid the garbage that I couldn’t stop looking at: One was the blue kite resting against the wall, close to the cast-iron stove; the other was Hassan’s brown corduroy pants thrown on a heap of eroded bricks.
小巷堆满了破铜烂铁，废弃的自行车轮胎、标签剥落的玻璃瓶子、卷边的杂志、发黄的报纸，所有这些，散落在一堆砖头和水泥板间。墙边有个锈蚀的铁火炉，炉洞像血盆大口般张开。但在那些垃圾之间，有两件东西让我无法移开眼光：一件是蓝风筝，倚在墙边，紧邻铁炉；另一件是哈桑的棕色灯芯绒裤，丢在那堆碎砖块上面。
I am lost in a snowstorm. The wind shrieks, blows stinging sheets of snow into my eyes. I stagger through layers of shifting white. I call for help but the wind drowns my cries. I fall and lie panting on the snow, lost in the white, the wind wailing in my ears. I watch the snow erase my fresh footprints. I’m a ghost now, I think, a ghost with no footprints. I cry out again, hope fading like my footprints. But this time, a muffled reply. I shield my eyes and manage to sit up. Out of the swaying curtains of snow, I catch a glimpse of movement, a flurry of color. A familiar shape materializes. A hand reaches out for me. I see deep, parallel gashes across the palm, blood dripping, staining the snow. I take the hand and suddenly the snow is gone. We’re standing in afield of apple green grass with soft wisps of clouds drifting above. I look up and see the clear sky is filled with kites, green, yellow, red, orange. They shimmer in the afternoon light.
我在暴风雪中迷失了方向。寒风凛冽，吹着雪花，刺痛了我的双眼。我在白雪皑皑中跋涉。我高声求救，但风淹没了我的哭喊。我颓然跌倒，躺在雪地上喘息，茫然望着一片白茫茫，寒风在我耳边呼啸，我看见雪花抹去我刚踩下的脚印。我现在是个鬼魂，我想，一个没有脚印的鬼魂。我又高声呼喊，但希望随着脚印消逝。这当头，有人闷声回应。我把手架在眼睛上，挣扎着坐起来。透过风雪飞舞的帘幕，我看见人影摇摆，颜色晃动。一个熟悉的身影出现了。一只手伸在我面前，我望见手掌上有深深的、平行的伤痕，鲜血淋漓，染红了雪地。我抓住那只手，瞬间雪停了。我们站在一片原野上，绿草如茵，天空中和风吹着白云。我抬眼望去，但见万里晴空，满是风筝在飞舞，绿的、黄的、红的、橙的。它们在午后的阳光中闪耀着光芒。
A dream:
一个梦境：
“It’s just a Hazara,” Assef said. But Kamal kept looking away.
“他只是个哈扎拉人。”阿塞夫说，但卡莫把眼睛望向别处。
“I don’t know,” Wali was saying. “My father says it’s sinful.” He sounded unsure, excited, scared, all at the same time. Hassan lay with his chest pinned to the ground. Kamal and Wali each gripped an arm, twisted and bent at the elbow so that Hassan’s hands were pressed to his back. Assef was standing over them, the heel of his snow boots crushing the back of Hassan’s neck.
“我不知道，”瓦里说，“我爸爸说那是犯罪。”他的声音自始至终充满了怀疑、兴奋、害怕。哈桑趴在地上。卡莫和瓦里一人抓住他一只手，将其从手肘扭转，压在哈桑背后。阿塞夫站在他们上方，用雪靴的后跟踩着哈桑的脖子后面。
“I don’t know,” Wali muttered.
“我不知道。”瓦里咕哝着。
“Your father won’t find out,” Assef said. “And there’s nothing sinful about teaching a lesson to a disrespectful donkey.”
“你爸爸不会发现。”阿塞夫说，“给这头无礼的蠢驴一点教训，跟犯罪有什么关系？”
“I… well…”
“我…好吧…”
Wali and Kamal nodded. They looked relieved.
瓦里和卡莫点点头，看上去如释重负。
“Suit yourself,” Assef said. He turned to Kamal. “What about you?”
“随便你。”阿塞夫说，他转向卡莫，“你怎么说呢？”
Assef knelt behind Hassan, put his hands on Hassan’s hips and lifted his bare buttocks. He kept one hand on Hassan’s back and undid his own belt buckle with his free hand. He unzipped his jeans. Dropped his underwear. He positioned himself behind Hassan. Hassan didn’t struggle. Didn’t even whimper. He moved his head slightly and I caught a glimpse of his face. Saw the resignation in it. It was a look I had seen before. It was the look of the lamb.
阿塞夫在哈桑身后跪倒，双手放在哈桑的臀部，把他光光的屁股抬起。他一手伸在哈桑背上，另外一只手去解开自己的皮带。他脱下牛仔裤，脱掉内裤。他在哈桑身后摆好位置。哈桑没有反抗，甚至没有呻吟。他稍稍转过头，我瞥见他的脸庞，那逆来顺受的神情。之前我也见过这种神色，这种羔羊的神色。
“Fine,” Assef snapped. “All I want you weaklings to do is hold him down. Can you manage that?”
“好吧，”阿塞夫不满地说，“你们这些懦夫，帮我把他按住就好了。你们能做到吗？”
About fifteen minutes later, I heard voices and running footfalls. I crouched behind the cubicle and watched Assef and the other two sprinting by, laughing as they hurried down the deserted lane. I forced myself to wait ten more minutes. Then I walked back to the rutted track that ran along the snow-filled ravine. I squinted in the dimming light and spotted Hassan walking slowly toward me. I met him by a leafless birch tree on the edge of the ravine.
约莫隔了十五分钟，我听到人声，还有脚步声。我躲在那家小店，望着阿塞夫和那两个人走过，笑声飘过空荡荡的过道。我强迫自己再等十分钟。然后我走回到那条和冰封的小溪平行、满是车痕的小巷。我在昏暗的光芒中眯起眼睛，看见哈桑慢慢朝我走来。在河边一棵光秃秃的桦树下，我和他相遇。
I ran because I was a coward. I was afraid of Assef and what he would do to me. I was afraid of getting hurt. That’s what I told myself as I turned my back to the alley, to Hassan. That’s what I made myself believe. I actually aspired to cowardice, because the alternative, the real reason I was running, was that Assef was right: Nothing was free in this world. Maybe Hassan was the price I had to pay, the lamb I had to slay, to win Baba. Was it a fair price? The answer floated to my conscious mind before I could thwart it: He was just a Hazara, wasn’t he?
我逃跑，因为我是懦夫。我害怕阿塞夫，害怕他折磨我。我害怕受到伤害。我转身离开小巷、离开哈桑的时候，心里这样对自己说。我试图让自己这么认为。说真的，我宁愿相信自己是出于软弱，因为另外的答案，我逃跑的真正原因，是觉得阿塞夫说得对：这个世界没有什么是免费的。为了赢回爸爸，也许哈桑只是必须付出的代价，是我必须宰割的羔羊。这是个公平的代价吗？我还来不及抑止，答案就从意识中冒出来：他只是个哈扎拉人，不是吗？
I ran back the way I’d come. Ran back to the all but deserted bazaar. I lurched to a cubicle and leaned against the padlocked swinging doors. I stood there panting, sweating, wishing things had turned out some other way.
我沿着来路跑回去，回到那个空无一人的市场。我跌撞上一家小店铺，斜倚着那紧闭的推门。我站在那儿，气喘吁吁，汗水直流，希望事情并没有变成这个样子。
Hassan dragged a sleeve across his face, wiped snot and tears. I waited for him to say something, but we just stood there in silence, in the fading light. I was grateful for the early-evening shadows that fell on Hassan’s face and concealed mine. I was glad I didn’t have to return his gaze. Did he know I knew? And if he knew, then what would I see if I did look in his eyes? Blame? Indignation? Or, God forbid, what I feared most: guileless devotion? That, most of all, I couldn’t bear to see.
哈桑伸手用衣袖擦擦脸，抹去眼泪和鼻涕。我等待他开口，但我们只是静静地站在那儿，在消逝的天光中。我很感谢夜幕降临，遮住了哈桑的脸，也掩盖了我的面庞。我很高兴我不用看着他的眼睛。他知道我知道吗？如果他知道，我能从他眼里看到什么呢？埋怨？耻辱？或者，愿真主制止，我最怕看到的：真诚的奉献。所有这些里，那是我最不愿看到的。
He had the blue kite in his hands; that was the first thing I saw. And I can’t lie now and say my eyes didn’t scan it for any rips. His chapan had mud smudges down the front and his shirt was ripped just below the collar. He stopped. Swayed on his feet like he was going to collapse. Then he steadied himself. Handed me the kite.
他手里拿着那只蓝风筝，那是我第一眼看到的东西。时至今日，我无法扯谎说自己当时没有查看风筝是否有什么裂痕。他的长袍前方沾满泥土，衬衣领子下面开裂。他站着，双腿摇摇晃晃，似乎随时都会倒下。接着他站稳了，把风筝递给我。
“Where were you? I looked for you,” I said. Speaking those words was like chewing on a rock.
“你到哪里去了？我在找你。”我艰难地说，仿佛在吞嚼一块石头。
He began to say something and his voice cracked. He closed his mouth, opened it, and closed it again. Took a step back. Wiped his face. And that was as close as Hassan and I ever came to discussing what had happened in the alley. I thought he might burst into tears, but, to my relief, he didn’t, and I pretended I hadn’t heard the crack in his voice. Just like I pretended I hadn’t seen the dark stain in the seat of his pants. Or those tiny drops that fell from between his legs and stained the snow black.
他开始说些什么，但他有点哽咽。他闭上嘴巴，张开，又闭上，往后退了一步，擦擦他的脸。就在当时，我几乎就要和哈桑谈论起在小巷里头发生的事情来。我原以为他会痛哭流涕，但，谢天谢地，他没有，而我假装没有听到他喉咙的哽咽。就像我假装没有看到他裤子后面深色的污渍一样。也假装没有看到从他双腿之间滴下的血滴，它们滴下来，将雪地染成黑色。
“Agha sahib will worry,” was all he said. He turned from me and limped away.
“老爷会担心的。”他就说了这么一句。他转过头，蹒跚着走开。
IT HAPPENED JUST THE WAY. I’d imagined. I opened the door to the smoky study and stepped in. Baba and Rahim Khan were drinking tea and listening to the news crackling on the radio. Their heads turned. Then a smile played on my father’s lips. He opened his arms. I put the kite down and walked into his thick hairy arms. I buried my face in the warmth of his chest and wept. Baba held me close to him, rocking me back and forth. In his arms, I forgot what I’d done. And that was good.
事情就如我想像的那样。我打开门，走进那烟雾缭绕的书房。爸爸和拉辛汗在喝茶，听着收音机传出的劈里啪啦的新闻。他们转过头，接着爸爸嘴角亮起一丝笑容，他张开双手，我把脸埋在他温暖的胸膛上，哭起来。爸爸紧紧抱着我，不断抚摸着我的后背。在他怀里，我忘了自己的所作所为。那感觉真好。
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