“I’ll let you know.”
“我到时候会联络你的。”
“Thank you,” Edward said quietly, seeing my plans. “If the route is clear, they’ll go today.”
“谢谢，”爱德华看到了我的想法，轻声说。“如果路线没有问题，他们今天就要出发了。”
Of course not. I just love to coddle those darling leeches.
当然没有。讨好那些亲爱的吸血鬼们，我真是乐在其中啊。
Morning, Jacob, Leah greeted me.
早上好，雅各布。利亚在那里迎接我。
Off on another vampire errand, Leah grumbled.
又是一个吸血鬼的差事，利亚不免抱怨起来。
It felt good to get back to my animal self. I was stiff from sitting still for so long. I extended my stride, working out the kinks.
再次回到动物的形态，感觉好极了。一动不动地坐了一个晚上肌肉都已经僵直了。我迈开大步，舒展起筋骨来。
You got a problem with that?
你有问题吗？
Gotcha. Seth broke into an easy jog.
得令。塞思立即慢跑起来。
Good, you’re up. How long’s Seth been out?
很好，你已经起来了。和塞思已经换班多久了？
Not out yet, Seth thought sleepily. Almost there. What do you need?
还没换班呢，塞思的思想带着浓重的睡意。就快到你那儿了。你有什么吩咐？
Let’s make the deep run, I told Leah. Seth, take the perimeter.
这次我们跑得远一点，我告诉利亚。塞思，你做好常规的巡逻。
You think you got another hour in you?
你觉得你还能再坚持一个小时吗？
Sure thing. No problem. Seth got to his feet right away, shaking out his fur.
当然。没问题。塞思站起来，抖了抖浑身的毛。
I took off early, long before sunrise was due. I’d gotten just a little bit of uneasy sleep leaning against the side of the sofa. Edward woke me when Bella’s face was flushed, and he took my spot to cool her back down. I stretched and decided I was rested enough to get some work done.
早在太阳升起之前，我早早地就离开了。昨晚我只是斜靠在沙发上迷迷糊糊地凑合了一晚。当贝拉因为太热，脸色也变得通红，于是爱德华把我叫醒，接替我的位置帮她降温。我伸了个懒腰，觉得休息够了，得找个事情干干了。
Leah was on the far western rim of the perimeter. Rather than cut close to the Cullens’ house, she stuck to the circle as she raced around to meet me. I sprinted off straight east, knowing that even with the head start, she’d be passing me soon if I took it easy for even a second.
利亚这时正在地界的最西端，她飞奔过来和我碰头的时候，特意绕了一个圈子，而没有取道要经过卡伦家房子的捷径。而我向东面疾驰而去，即使我抢跑了，可是只要稍稍一松懈，她就会立刻追上我的。
Nose to the ground, Leah. This isn’t a race, it’s a reconnaissance mission.
注意地面的气味，利亚。这可不是一场比赛，我们肩负着侦查的任务。
Good. Let’s see how fast we can run.
很好。让我们看看我们能跑得多快。
I can do both and still kick your butt.
我可以一心二用，然后仍然踢到你的屁股。
I gave her that one. I know.
我相信她说到做到。我知道。
Okay, I’m definitely up for that!
好的。这点我完全赞同。
She laughed.
她笑了起来。
We took a winding path through the eastern mountains. It was a familiar route. We’d run these mountains when the vampires had left a year ago, making it part of our patrol route to better protect the people here. Then we’d pulled back the lines when the Cullens returned. This was their treaty land.
我们迂回着向东面的山头跑去。这条路线我们并不陌生。一年前为了把入侵的吸血鬼扫地出门，我们跑遍了这些山头，为了更好地保护这里的人们，还把这条路线做为日常巡逻的一部分。当Cullen一家回来以后，我们才撤了出去。因为根据契约这里是他们的地盘。
But that fact would probably mean nothing to Sam now. The treaty was dead. The question today was how thin he was willing to spread his force. Was he looking for stray Cullens to poach on their land or not? Had Jared spoken the truth or taken advantage of the silence between us?
但是这点对现在的山姆来说可能根本没有意义。契约已经形同虚设。眼下的问题是，他到底准备把他的势力范围扩散得多广。他是不是有想过在卡伦家族的地盘上四处布下眼线，把他们围困在房子里才甘心呢？贾里德有没有说实话，或者他会不会利用了我们之间互不通信的真空地带呢？
I found a heavy, somewhat recent concentration on one particular trail — all of them coming and going here except for Edward. Some reason for gathering that must have been forgotten when Edward brought his dying pregnant wife home. I gritted my teeth. Whatever it was, it had nothing to do with me.
一串较深的脚印引起了我的注意，这分明是最近才留下的踪迹——其他的足迹都是来来去去的，除了爱德华的。这一定是当时爱德华带着他那正濒临死亡的怀孕的妻子回家时，留下的足迹。我摇摇牙。不管什么原因，都与我无关。
Leah didn’t push herself past me, though she could have now. I was paying more attention to each new scent than I was to the speed contest. She kept to my right side, running with me rather than racing against me.
虽然利亚现在可以轻而易举地超越我，她却没有急于这么做。在这场速度竞赛中，我更多地把注意力集中在各种新的气味上。她一直在我的右侧，和我一起同步跑着，而不是想和我比赛。
We’re getting pretty far out here, she commented.
到这边已经够远了，她发表了自己的意见。
We got deeper and deeper into the mountains without finding any trace of the pack. Fading vampire trails were everywhere, but the scents were familiar now. I was breathing them in all day long.
我们在山里走得越来越深，还是没有发现丁点狼群的踪迹。散却的吸血鬼踪迹却是四处可见，对这种气味也已经熟悉起来。我现在每天都在这样的环境里呼吸。
Yeah. If Sam was hunting strays, we should have crossed his trail by now.
是啊，如果山姆真的想要出奇不意的话，那么我们也应该能发现他的足迹了。
Makes more sense right now for him to bunker down in La Push, Leah thought. He knows we’re giving the bloodsuckers three extra sets of eyes and legs. He’s not going to be able to surprise them.
识相点的做法就是他现在应该安分守己地待在拉普西，利亚想。他知道现在我们让吸血鬼们多了三双眼睛和六条腿。他没有可能再给到什么惊喜了。
You’ve changed so much, Jacob. Talk about one-eighties.
你真是变了，雅各布。简直是180度的大转变。
Sure, sure, I agreed easily. It wasn’t my business if she wanted to make things harder for herself.
当然，当然，我顺着她的话说。如果她想把事情搞复杂了，与我又何干。
You’re not exactly the same Leah I’ve always known and loved, either.
你也不和我从前了解和热爱的利恩不一样了嘛。
Nope, I agreed, ignoring the sarcasm.
是的，我无视她的讥讽，承认道。
Yum, yum, she thought sourly.
好极了，好极了，她有些闷闷不乐地想。
It’s all in your head, I told her. That’s the way wolves eat. It’s natural. It tastes fine. If you didn’t think about it from a human perspective —
这都取决于你是怎么想的，我告诉她。这就是狼吃东西的方式。这是天性。味道也很不错。只要你不从人类的角度出发去想——
This was just a precaution, really.
这只是个预防措施。
We ran in silence again then. It was probably time to turn around, but neither of us wanted to. It felt nice to run like this. We’d been staring at the same small circle of a trail for too long. It felt good to stretch our muscles and take the rugged terrain. We weren’t in a huge hurry, so I thought maybe we should hunt on the way back. Leah was pretty hungry.
我们又开始一言不发地跑了起来。也许是时候折回去了，但是我们两个谁都不想这么干。能像这样跑着，感觉真是太棒了。长久以来我们都被限制在同一个小小的圈子里。奔跑在崎岖的山路上，伸展筋骨，感觉心情舒畅。既然我们也不是十万火急，我想着也许我们在回去的路上可以打个猎。利亚已经相当饿了。
Amazingly… yes.
令人吃惊……是的。
Wouldn’t want our precious parasites taking unnecessary chances.
不想让我们金贵的寄生虫们出一点岔子。
Congrats.
恭喜了。
True. Am I less annoying than Paul now?
真的。我现在比保罗还烦吗？
Forget the pep talk, Jacob. I’ll hunt. I don’t have to like it.
别白费力气了，雅各布。我会去打猎，跟我喜不喜欢没有关系。
Ah, sweet success.
啊，成功的滋味真不赖。
She snorted, but it was a playful sound. What a glowing commendation!
她喷着鼻息，但这次是嬉戏的声音。这是多么热烈的赞扬啊！
For?
为了什么？
Er, thanks. Not totally sure I’ll be able to stop that one from going to my head, though. Where did that come from?
额，谢谢。我可不保证这席话会不会把我给捧得晕晕乎乎的。你那些想法都是从哪儿来的？
Er, no problem. Actually, I mean that. I don’t mind having you here like I thought I would.
额，这小菜一碟。事实也是如此。我本以为会介意留你在身边，但事实却不是。
She didn’t add anything for a few minutes; I started thinking about turning back.
她沉默不语了几分钟后，我开始考虑折返回去。
Thank you, Leah suddenly told me in a much different tone.
谢谢，利亚突然换了种口气对我说道。
Okay — if you don’t let this go to yours. She paused for a second. I think you make a good Alpha. Not in the same way Sam does, but in your own way. You’re worth following, Jacob.
好的——你也别昏头就行，她顿了一下。我认为你是一个好的阿尔法。和山姆不同，你有你的方式。你值得追随，雅各布。
For letting me be. For letting me stay. You’ve been nicer than I had any right to expect, Jacob.
为了让我自由。为了让我留下。你比我想象的还要好，雅各布。
Don’t let it go to your head.
别被赞扬冲昏头脑就行。
My mind went blank with surprise. It took me a second to recover enough to respond.
出乎意料的溢美之词让我的脑袋一片空白。花了好些时间才反应过来。
She didn’t answer right away, and I followed the wordless direction of her thoughts. She was thinking about the future — about what I’d said to Jared the other morning. About how the time would be up soon, and then I’d go back to the forest. About how I’d promised that she and Seth would return to the pack when the Cullens were gone…
她并没有直接回答我，于是我顺着她的思绪摸索。她正在考虑未来——关于我前几个早晨和贾里德的那番谈话。关于近在眼前的结束后，我将回到森林里。关于当卡伦一家搬走后，我承诺让她和Seth回归狼群……
I want to stay, too, Seth thought quietly. I hadn’t realized he’d been paying much attention to us as he ran the perimeter. I like this pack.
我也想留下来，塞思乖巧地想。我刚才还没注意到他在巡逻的时候原来还那么关注我们。我喜欢这支队伍。
I want to stay with you, she told me.
我想和你在一起，她对我说。
I won’t be a pain, I swear. I won’t follow you around. You can go wherever you want, and I’ll go where I want. You’ll only have to put up with me when we’re both wolves. She paced back and forth in front of me, swishing her long gray tail nervously. And, as I’m planning on quitting as soon as I can manage it… maybe that won’t be so often.
我不会成为你的累赘，我发誓。我不会总缠着你，你可以去任何想去的地方，而我亦是如此。只是当我们都是狼的时候，你得忍受我。她在我跟前一会儿向前一步，一会儿又向后两步地挪着步子，灰色的尾巴紧张地“咻咻”来回扫动。而且我有在计划尽可能早些脱离你身边……也许这样的事情并不会经常发生。
Hey, now! Seth, this isn’t going to be a pack much longer. I tried to put my thoughts together so they would convince him. We’ve got a purpose now, but when… after that’s over, I’m just going to go wolf. Seth, you need a purpose. You’re a good kid. You’re the kind of person who always has a crusade. And there’s no way you’re leaving La Push now. You’re going to graduate from high school and do something with your life. You’re going to take care of Sue.
嗨，现在听我说！塞思，这支队伍不会维持多久了。我把所有的想法都集中在一起，力图说服他。我们现在是因为有一个共同的目标，但是……在那一切结束之后，我就会像狼一样生活了。塞思，你需要一个目标。你是一个好孩子。你总有一股奋斗的精神。现在你也没有理由抛下拉普西。你还要从高中毕业，面对生活。苏也需要你的照顾。
I’m happier now, as a part of your pack, than I have been in years.
比起过去的岁月，作为你的队伍的一份子，现在的我变得更快乐了。
I didn’t know what to say.
我不知道应该怎么回答。
The shock shot through my legs, locking my joints. She blew past me and then put on the brakes. Slowly, she walked back to where I was frozen in place.
震惊传遍我的四肢，关节像是被锁住了一般不能动弹。她呼啸着掠过我，然后来了个急刹车。慢慢地，她走回呆若木鸡的我身边。
My issues are not going to mess up your future.
我的事和你的将来并不冲突。
But —
但是——
Jacob is right, Leah seconded.
雅各布是对的，利亚帮腔说。
I turned back and started loping slowly toward the west.
我转过身，向着西边大步慢跑起来。
Of course. But none of that applies to me. I was on my way out, anyway. I’ll get a job somewhere away from La Push. Maybe take some courses at a community college. Get into yoga and meditation to work on my temper issues… And stay a part of this pack for the sake of my mental well-being. Jacob — you can see how that makes sense, right? I won’t bother you, you won’t bother me, everyone is happy.
当然。但是没有一条是适用于我的。我打定主意要到外面去生活。我会在拉普西以外的什么地方找份工作。或许在什么公立大学修门课程。做些瑜伽和冥想来修身养性……同时，仍然保持这个队伍的一份子以获得心灵的归属。雅各布，你也觉得这样做可行，对吗？我不拖累你，你也不亏欠我，大家都好。
You’re agreeing with me?
你同意我？
This is a bit much to deal with, Leah. Let me think about it, ‘kay?
一下子太多要考虑的了，利亚。让我想想，好吗？
It took us longer to make the run back. I wasn’t trying for speed. I was just trying to concentrate enough that I wouldn’t plow headfirst into a tree. Seth was grumbling a little bit in the back of my head, but I was able to ignore him. He knew I was right. He wasn’t going to abandon his mom. He would go back to La Push and protect the tribe like he should.
跑回去花了我更长的时间。我集中全部精力防止自己一头栽进树里，速度就别提了。塞思还在我的脑袋里絮絮叨叨地抱怨着什么，但是我已经可以不去管他了。他知道我是对的。他不会抛弃他的母亲。他会回到拉普西，保护起部落，做他应该做的。
Sure. Take your time.
好啊。随你便。
But I couldn’t see Leah doing that. And that was just plain scary.
但是我却无法想象利亚描绘的未来。这简直是无稽之谈。
Leah didn’t say anything as I chewed it over. It was like she was trying to prove how easy it would be if it was just us.
在我仔细思考的这段时间里，利亚什么话都没说。她似乎想要证明即使只有我们两个也可以相处得很融洽的。
We ran into a herd of black-tailed deer just as the sun was coming up, brightening the clouds a little bit behind us. Leah sighed internally but didn’t hesitate. Her lunge was clean and efficient — graceful, even. She took down the largest one, the buck, before the startled animal fully understood the danger.
身后的云彩开始微微透亮，太阳就快要升起来了。我们和一群黑尾鹿不期而遇。利亚在心中暗暗叹了口气，但是动作却没有丝毫地迟疑。冲刺、猛扑都完成干净利索，甚至优雅。她扑倒了最大的那只雄鹿，直到这时，这头还在发呆的动物才醒悟过来大难临头。
A pack of the two of us? No matter the physical distance, I couldn’t imagine the… the intimacy of that situation. I wondered if she’d really thought it through, or if she was just desperate to stay free.
一个才我们两个人的队伍？无论相隔多远，我都无法想象……如此亲密的关系。她到底有没有好好想过，或者她只是一门心思想要自由的生活罢了。
Not to be outdone, I swooped down on the next largest deer, snapping her neck between my jaws quickly, so she wouldn’t feel unnecessary pain. I could feel Leah’s disgust warring with her hunger, and I tried to make it easier for her by letting the wolf in me have my head. I’d lived all-wolf for long enough that I knew how to be the animal completely, to see his way and think his way. I let the practical instincts take over, letting her feel that, too. She hesitated for a second, but then, tentatively, she seemed to reach out with her mind and try to see my way. It felt very strange — our minds were more closely linked than they had ever been before, because we both were trying to think together.
不能让她把风头都抢去，我飞身扑下体型第二大的那头鹿，下颌用力一夹，就咬断了她的脖子，给了她一个痛快。我能感到利亚的嫌恶感正和她的饥饿天人交战中，为了帮助她克服，我让体内狼的本性发挥主导。我在曾经很长一段时间内完全以狼的姿态生活着，所以我知道怎么完全变成野兽，以它的方式去看，以它的方式去思考。我让具有实战经验的本性占据主导，并希望她也能体会到。她犹豫了半秒钟，权当尝试，慢慢地她的心智似乎也被同化，尝试以我的方式去看外界。这种感觉很奇怪——因为都在想同一件事的缘故，我们的心比起以往要靠得更近。
Was Leah going to be a part of that life? A week ago, I would’ve found that idea beyond horrifying. I wouldn’t’ve been able to stand it. But I knew her better now. And, relieved from the constant pain, she wasn’t the same wolf. Not the same girl.
利亚也会是这种生活的一员吗？一星期前，这个想法是骇人听闻的，让我不堪忍受的。但是现在我对她了解得也更多了。从无止尽的痛苦中解脱出来，她也不再是以前的她了，不是以前那个女孩了。
We ate together until we both were full.
我们一起进食直到我们都饱了为止。
It was easy for me to do the same. And I was glad I hadn’t forgotten this. This would be my life again soon.
对我来说也一样。我也很高兴我还没有忘记这项本领，因为很快这就会是我的生活。
Strange, but it helped her. Her teeth cut through the fur and skin of her kill’s shoulder, tearing away a thick slab of streaming flesh. Rather than wince away as her human thoughts wanted to, she let her wolf-self react instinctively. It was kind of a numbing thing, a thoughtless thing. It let her eat in peace.
虽然奇怪，但是这对她有帮助。她的牙齿撕开了猎物肩膀上的皮肉，扯下一大块鲜血淋漓的生肉来。她让狼的本性做出最原始的反应，人类思维的抗拒本能则退居二线。这看起来有些麻木不仁，不经大脑思考，但是却能让她平静地进食。
Thanks, she told me later as she was cleaning her muzzle and paws against the wet grass. I didn’t bother; it had just started to drizzle and we had to swim the river again on our way back. I’d get clean enough. That wasn’t so bad, thinking your way.
谢谢。当她稍后在湿润的草地上清洁嘴巴和爪子时，她如是对我说。天开始下起蒙蒙细雨，而且我们在回去的路上还得游过一条小河，所以我不慌不忙，反正待会儿可以清洁个够。那没有那么坏，用你的方式思考。
You’re welcome.
不客气。
Seth was dragging when we hit the perimeter. I told him to get some sleep; Leah and I would take over the patrol. Seth’s mind faded into unconsciousness just seconds later.
当我们回到防卫圈的时候，塞思正在吃力地前进。我通知他去补充些睡眠，利亚和我可以接替巡逻。不一会儿，塞思的思想就淡了出去，人事不省。
Fair enough.
很合理。
I know it’s worse for you. At least Sam is happy. At least he’s alive and well. I love him enough that I want that. I want him to have what’s best for him. She sighed. I just don’t want to stick around to watch.
对于你来说更不幸的是，至少山姆还是幸福的，至少他还活着，没病没灾。我就是太爱他了才这样想，希望他得到全天下最好的幸福。她叹了一口气接着说。我只是不想自己在一旁做个看客。
She thought about how to answer me. Wow, this is going to sound bad. But, honestly, it will be easier to deal with your pain than face mine.
她想了想该怎么回答我。喔，这听起来不妙啊。但是，老实说，比起你的痛苦我却更难直面自己的伤心事。
You know, Leah, you might want to think a little bit about the future, about what you really want to do. My head is not going to be the happiest place on earth. And you’ll have to suffer right along with me.
你知道的，利亚，你可能想要为将来做些打算，关于你真正想要做的事情。我的脑袋绝对不是一个幸福的归属。而你也会很快就受不了和我待在一起的。
I think we do. Because I want you to know that I won’t make it worse for you. Hell, maybe I’ll even help. I wasn’t born a compassionless shrew. I used to be sort of nice, you know.
我认为有。因为我想让你知道我不会让你觉得雪上加霜。天知道，我也许能够帮助你也说不定。我也不是生来就是一名悍妇的，我过去也很温柔，这你是知道的。
Maybe.
也许吧。
I couldn’t answer.
我无言以对。
I know it’s going to be bad for you, Jacob. I understand that — maybe better than you think. I don’t like her, but… she’s your Sam. She’s everything you want and everything you can’t have.
我知道接下来的事情会很不幸，雅各布。我理解……但也许事情会比你想的要好一些。我不喜欢她，但是……她之于你就好像是山姆之于我。她是你日思夜想却是无法拥有的人。
It’s hard for you to be there, but hard to stay away, too. I know how that feels.
你在那里会觉得不好受，但是置身事外也会觉得难过。我知道那种感受。
You headed back to the bloodsuckers? Leah asked.
你要去吸血鬼那里吗？利亚问我。
Do we need to talk about this?
我们有必要谈这个话题吗？
We both laughed once.
我们不约而同地笑起来。
My memory doesn’t go that far back.
我的记忆有限，回不了那么过去。
I’m sorry about this, Jacob. I’m sorry you’re in pain. I’m sorry it’s getting worse and not better.
我很抱歉，雅各布。我很难过你还在痛苦中挣扎。我很难过整件事都在走下坡路，没有好转的迹象。
Thanks, Leah.
谢谢，利亚。
She saw the funny side of the daily irritations that came from hanging out around vampires. She liked my ragging on Rosalie, chuckling internally and even running through a few blonde jokes in her mind that I might be able to work in. But then her thoughts turned serious, lingering on Rosalie’s face in a way that confused me.
她能从日常和吸血鬼相处的苦恼中发掘出有趣的一面。她喜欢我对罗莎莉的恶作剧，暗自发笑，还替我想了几个日后可以派上用场的有关金发的笑话。但是她的想法马上变得严肃起来，逗留在罗莎莉的脸上，这让我有些糊涂了。
You know what’s crazy? she asked.
你知道疯狂的是什么吗？她问。
She thought about the things that were worse, the black pictures in my head, while I tried to tune her out without much success. She was able to look at them with some distance, some perspective, and I had to admit that this was helpful. I could imagine that maybe I would be able to see it that way, too, in a few years.
我脑海中那些灰暗的画面，让她认为事情会变得更糟，我竭力想要屏蔽她，却未果。她旁观者清，我不得不承认这很有帮助。也许在几年里面，我也能够以这样的心境看待这件事。
For a second I thought she was making a joke that was in very poor taste. And then, when I realized she was serious, the fury that ripped through me was hard to control. It was a good thing we’d spread out to run our watch. If she’d been within biting distance…
一开始我还以为她编了一个非常没品的笑话。但是接着，当我意识到她是认真的时候，气不打一处来。能够从不同角度看待问题当然是个好事。但如果她这时刚好在我的噬咬范围内的话……
Well, almost everything is crazy right now. But what do you mean?
好吧，现在几乎每件事都很疯狂。你指哪个？
That blond vampire you hate so much — I totally get her perspective.
你恨透了的那个金发吸血鬼——客观、全面地来说，我非常理解她。
The vicious edge to her words left me floundering. I hadn’t expected to have my anger trumped.
又在说些意味不明的话。我才不想自己的愤怒又死灰复燃呢。
Oh.
噢。
And then she was suddenly the pain-hardened Leah from before. I’m talking about being a genetic dead end, Jacob.
突然间她好像又变回了以前那个铁石心肠的利亚。我要说的是关于基因断层，雅各布。
So what are you talking about?
那么你要说什么呢？
Yeesh! What an overreaction. You don’t even know what I’m talking about.
得了吧！你还真是反应过度。你甚至还不知道我要说什么呢。
Hold up! Let me explain!
等等！让我解释！
Leah, this isn’t really the best way to convince me that I want to spend more time with you in the future.
利亚，如果你将来还想有更多的时间和我共同生活，这不是能说服我的最佳方式。
Don’t want to hear it. I’m outta here.
我不想听。我要离开这里了。
You would, if you weren’t just like the rest of them. If my “female stuff” — she thought the words with a hard, sarcastic tone — didn’t send you running for cover just like any stupid male, so you could actually pay attention to what it all means.
你会的，如果你不像他们其他人那样的话。如果我的“女性本能”——她用自嘲的口吻着重强调了这个词——没有把你像其他傻男人那样吓跑的话，你就能充分理解这里面的玄机。
Yeah, so none of us like to think about that stuff with her. Who would? Of course I remembered Leah’s panic that first month after she joined the pack — and I remembered cringing away from it just like everyone else. Because she couldn’t be pregnant — not unless there was some really freaky religious immaculate crap going on. She hadn’t been with anyone since Sam. And then, when the weeks dragged on and nothing turned into more nothing, she’d realized that her body wasn’t following the normal patterns anymore. The horror — what was she now? Had her body changed because she’d become a werewolf? Or had she become a werewolf because her body was wrong? The only female werewolf in the history of forever. Was that because she wasn’t as female as she should be?
是啊，我们中没有一个人会对她想入非非的。谁会呢？当初利亚加入狼群后第一个月经历的痛苦我还历历在目——当然我也像其他人那样躲得远远的。因为她无法再怀孕了——除非还有什么诡异荒诞的传说，不然奇迹不会出现。自从Sam之后，她就没有和任何人交往过了。然后随着时间的推移，生理上就是没有动静，于是她意识她的身体已经不再和普通人一样了。随之而来的是恐惧——那她现在算是什么？是不是因为她是狼人了，所以身体才发生了变化？又或者是身体的变化才让她变成了狼人？她是历史上为一名女性狼人。那她是不是就压根儿不是女性呢？
I don’t understand.
我不明白。
Wait! Wait! she pleaded as I tried to calm myself enough to phase back. C’mon, Jake!
等等！等等！她极力挽留我，我好不容易才冷静下来变身回去。求求你了，杰克！
I waited for her to tell me where she was going with this.
我等着她继续说下去。
Sure. To carry on the line.
当然，为了传宗接代啊。
Right. To make a bunch of new little werewolves. Survival of the species, genetic override. You’re drawn to the person who gives you the best chance to pass on the wolf gene.
不错。为了能够繁衍一大群的小狼人。在基因的物竞天择中生存下来。你会对那个能帮你最大机率传递狼人基因的人一见倾心。
Her pain was enough that I broke stride under it.
她的苦痛压地我的步子也沉重了起来。
You know why Sam thinks we imprint, she thought, calmer now.
你知道山姆对于我们的印刻的事情是怎么看的吗？她现在的想法已经冷静了不少。
I know, I know. He thinks you’re imprinting to make stronger wolves. Because you and Sam are such humongous monsters — bigger than our fathers. But either way, I’m still not a candidate. I’m… I’m menopausal. I’m twenty years old and I’m menopausal.
我知道，我知道。他认为你们印刻是为了召唤出更强大的狼。因为你和山姆都是庞然大物——比我们的父辈体型更大。但是不论哪种说法，我都不适合。我……我已经到了绝经期了。才二十岁，就到了绝经期了。
If I was any good for that, Sam would have been drawn to me.
如果我可以的话，那么山姆就应该是对我着迷。
So I become a freak — the girlie-wolf — good for nothing else.
所以我是一个异类——一头有些女气的狼——没有一点好。
We do not, I argued with her. That’s just Sam’s theory. Imprinting happens, but we don’t know why. Billy thinks it’s something else.
我们不知道，我反驳道。那只不过是山姆的理论。印刻确实有发生，但是我们都不知道为什么。比利认为这里面可能有其他的原因。
I’m a genetic dead end and we both know it.
我们都知道，我就是基因的断层。
But I’m not. There’s something wrong with me. I don’t have the ability to pass on the gene, apparently, despite my stellar bloodlines.
但是我却不能。我一定有什么地方不对劲儿了。很显然即使我有着这样的血统，但是却不具备传递基因的能力。
None of us had wanted to deal with that breakdown. Obviously, it wasn’t like we could empathize.
我们没人想要处理那么棘手的问题。很明显，这也不是我们能够掌控得了的事情啊。
Ugh. I so didn’t want to have this conversation. You don’t know that, Leah. It’s probably just the whole frozen-in-time thing. When you quit your wolf and start getting older again, I’m sure things will… er… pick right back up.
额。我不太想继续这个话题了。你并不知道，利亚。这也许不过是某种岁月冻结期。当你不再是狼人的时候，也许就又会开始成长了，我很肯定事情……额……会回复原样的。
None of them have a mind of their own.
他们都是没有脑子的。
You really want to imprint, or be imprinted on, or whichever? I demanded. What’s wrong with going out and falling in love like a normal person, Leah? Imprinting is just another way of getting your choices taken away from you.
你是不是真的那么想要印刻或者被印刻？我责问说。和一个普通人出去约会，相爱有什么不对的，利亚？印刻对你来说只是另一种不得已的选择而已。
I might think that — except that no one’s imprinting on me, notwithstanding my impressive pedigree. You know, she added thoughtfully, if you weren’t around, Seth would probably have the best claim to being Alpha — through his blood, at least. Of course, no one would ever consider me…
我是想这样认为来着，但是没有人印刻在我身上，受不了我那显赫的身世。你知道的，她若有所思地说，如果没有你，那么塞思就极有可能会成为阿尔法，至少从血统上来说。当然，从来都不会有人考虑我……
You don’t want to imprint?
你不想被印刻吗？
Sam, Jared, Paul, Quil… they don’t seem to mind.
山姆，贾里德，保罗，奎尔……他们并不这么觉得。
Do you want to forget the way you feel about Sam?
你想忘掉你对山姆的那份感情吗？
Hell, no!
上帝啊，不！
That’s just because you’re already in love with her. That would go away, you know, if you imprinted. You wouldn’t have to hurt over her anymore.
那只是因为你已经爱上了她。如果你被印刻上了，那么这种感觉就会褪去。你的心也不会再为她痛了。
I sighed. She was in a healthier place than I was.
我叹了口气。她的心态可比我的健康多了。
You would act like Rosalie? You would murder someone — because that’s what she’s doing, making sure no one interferes with Bella’s death — you would do that to have a baby? Since when are you a breeder?
你也会像罗莎莉那样做吗？你会为此而不惜杀死别人吗，她现在做的就是不允许任何人介入贝拉的死亡，你为了孩子会做得如此过分吗？你什么时候起也成了育儿专家了？
I just want the options I don’t have, Jacob. Maybe, if there was nothing wrong with me, I would never give it a thought.
我只是追求不属于我的权利罢了，雅各布。如果我一切正常，也许根本就不会萌生这样的想法。
But back to my original point, Jacob. I understand why your blond vampire is so cold — in the figurative sense. She’s focused. She’s got her eyes on the prize, right? Because you always want the very most what you can never, ever have.
但是，回到我之前说的话题，雅各布。我能理解理解为什么你那个金发吸血鬼总是冷冰冰的——注意，我用了比喻的修辞手法。她总是对奖品虎视眈眈的，对吗？因为人总是对得不到的东西才特别向往。
You would kill for that? I demanded, not letting her escape my question.
你会为此去杀人吗？我死咬着问题不放。
She deliberated for a moment. I think I do.
她好好考虑了片刻。我想，是的。
Because, if it was turned around, I’d want Bella to do that for me. And so would Rosalie. We’d both do it her way.
如果角色交换，我也希望Bella能那样帮我。对罗莎莉也一样。我们都会采取相同的方式。
That’s not what she’s doing. I think it’s more like she’s living vicariously. And… if Bella asked me to help her with this… She paused, considering. Even though I don’t think too much of her, I’d probably do the same as the bloodsucker.
那并不是她的目的。我想她是感受到了一种共鸣。如果……贝拉开口向我求助……她顿了顿，思考着什么。即使我对她没有什么感情，大概我也会和那个吸血鬼做出一样的事情。
A loud snarl ripped through my teeth.
一声响亮的咆哮喷薄而出。
Yeah, I wasn’t running with her when this was finished. She could go be miserable in La Push. One little Alpha command before I left for good wasn’t going to kill anybody.
是啊，当这一切结束后，我就不用再和她一起跑了。她可以悲悲戚戚地待在拉普西，在我彻底离开之前，这个小小的阿尔法的命令不会加害于任何人的。
It wasn’t enough that she’d agreed to stop. I wanted a stronger termination than that.
她同意停止谈论还不够，我希望这个话题能被彻底终结。
And… that’s my limit. Right there. This conversation is over.
恩……我要行使我仅有的一点权利了。谈话结束。
Fine.
好的。
Ugh! You’re as bad as they are!
额！你简直和他们一样坏！
That’s the funny thing about knowing you can’t have something. It makes you desperate.
一旦你不能拥有某样东西，你就会拥有绝望，就是如此戏虐。
I was only about a mile from where I’d left my clothes, so I phased back to human and walked. I didn’t think about our conversation. Not because there wasn’t anything to think about, but because I couldn’t stand it. I would not see it that way — but it was harder to keep from doing that when Leah had put the thoughts and emotions straight into my head.
我离开放衣服的地方仅有一里地了，所以我变身回人，走过去。我并没有思考刚才的对话，不是因为没什么好想的，而是我无法接受。我是绝对不会这样看待这件事的——但是当利亚把她的想法和感情强加于我的时候，我也不得不接受。
It was real early when I got to the house. Bella was probably still asleep. I figured I’d poke my head in, see what was going on, give ’em the green light to go hunting, and then find a patch of grass soft enough to sleep on while human. I wasn’t phasing back until Leah was asleep.
当我到达屋子的时候天色尚早。贝拉可能还在睡梦当中。我悄悄地探进脑袋，检查一下有没有什么情况，并且给予他们的狩猎绿灯信号，接着准备再找一块柔软的草地，舒服地睡上一觉。反正在利亚入睡前我是不会变换回狼形的。
But there was a lot of low mumbling going on inside the house, so maybe Bella wasn’t sleeping. And then I heard the machinery sound from upstairs again — the X-ray? Great. It looked like day four on the countdown was starting off with a bang.
但是屋子里有低微含糊的喃喃说话声，看来贝拉醒着。接着我听见楼上又传来机器运作的声音——是X光机吗？好啊，看来四天的倒计时就这样“砰”的开始了。
She nodded. “Hey, wolf.”
她朝我点点头。“嗨，狼人。”
Alice opened the door for me before I could walk in.
还没等我走进去，门一下子就被爱丽丝拉开了。
“Another rib?” I asked hoarsely.
“另一个根肋骨吗？”我嘶哑地问。
She shrugged her pointy little shoulders. “Maybe another break.” She tried to say the words casually, but I could see the flames in the very back of her eyes. Edward and I weren’t the only ones who were burning over this. Alice loved Bella, too.
她耸耸削尖的肩膀。“也许是另一次骨折吧。”她试着说得很随意，但是我能看到藏在她眼睛深处的火光。不只爱德华和我两人为此愤怒。爱丽丝也是爱着贝拉的。
Alice was staring at my hands, watching them tremble. Then we were listening to Rosalie’s voice upstairs.
爱丽丝盯着我的手，看着他们颤抖。然后我们听楼上罗莎莉的声音。
“Hey, shortie. What’s going on upstairs?” The big room was empty — all the murmurs were on the second floor.
“嗨，矮子。楼上发生了什么？”偌大的房间里空空荡荡的——所有的唏嗦声都是从二楼发出来的。
“No. Pelvis this time.”
“不，这次是骨盆。”
Funny how it kept hitting me, like each new thing was a surprise. When was I going to stop being surprised? Each new disaster seemed kinda obvious in hindsight.
有趣的是它一直在打我，就像每一个新事物都是一个惊喜。我什么时候才能不再感到惊讶？事后看来，每一次新的灾难似乎都是显而易见的。
“See, I told you I didn’t hear a crack. You need your ears checked, Edward.” There was no answer.
“瞧，我告诉过你我没有听到裂缝。“你需要检查一下耳朵，爱德华。”没有人回答。
“I’ll take Emmett,” I offered. “You can help Edward with the ripping part.”
“我将会对付埃美特，”我回答，“你可以帮助爱德华一起弄碎她。”
Alice made a face. “Edward’s going to end up ripping Rose into small pieces, I think. I’m surprised she doesn’t see that. Or maybe she thinks Emmett will be able to stop him.”
爱丽丝做了个鬼脸：“爱德华最终会要把罗莎弄成碎片，我很惊讶，她没有看到这一点。或者，也许她认为埃美特将能够阻止他。”
“Jake,” she whispered, and she smiled through the pain. I stared at her, saying nothing.
“杰克，”她低声说，微笑着却掩盖不住她的痛苦。
The procession came down the stairs then — Edward had Bella this time. She was gripping her cup of blood in both hands, and her face was white. I could see that, though he compensated for every tiny movement of his body to keep from jostling her, she was hurting.
队伍来到楼下——这回是爱德华抱着贝拉。她用两只手抱着血液杯子，她的脸色苍白。我可以看到，尽管他每一个微小的动作都尽量不让自己的身体去挤到她，她还是痛苦着。
Carlisle came down slowly, the last one, his face creased with worry. It made him look old enough to be a doctor for once.
卡莱尔走在最后，缓缓地步下楼梯，一脸的惆怅。第一次他看起来年纪大得可以称得上医生这个称号。
Alice half-smiled.
爱丽丝露出半个微笑。
Edward placed Bella carefully on her couch and sat on the floor by her head. I wondered briefly why they didn’t leave her upstairs, and then decided at once that it must be Bella’s idea. She’d want to act like things were normal, avoid the hospital setup. And he was humoring her. Naturally.
我注视着她，什么也没说。真是好笑，每次的消息总是出乎我的想象。什么时候才是个头啊？每一种新的灾难在事后看起来总是那么理所当然。
“Thank you, Jacob. This is good timing. There’s much that we need.” His black eyes flickered to the cup that Bella was holding so tight.
“辛苦了，雅各布。这个时机很好。我们需要很多。”他黑色的眼睛瞟向了那个贝拉紧抓着不放杯子。
“Honestly, I think you’re safe to take more than three. I’m pretty positive that Sam is concentrating on La Push.”
“老实说，我觉得你就算带3个以上的人去也不会有问题。我很有把握Sam目前的注意力都只停留在拉普西。”
“Not a chance,” Rosalie hissed. “Emmett can go with you now.”
“想都别想，”罗莎莉坚决反对。“埃美特现在就可以和你们一起去。”
“You should hunt,” Carlisle said in a gentle voice.
“你也应该要打猎，”卡莱尔耐心地规劝道。
“Carlisle,” I said. “We went halfway to Seattle. There’s no sign of the pack. You’re good to go.”
“卡莱尔，”我说。“我们向西雅图跑了将近一半的路程。没有狼群的踪迹。你们可以去了。”
Carlisle nodded in agreement. It surprised me how willingly he took my advice. “If you think so. Alice, Esme, Jasper, and I will go. Then Alice can take Emmett and Rosa –“
卡莱尔同意地点点头。他如此诚恳地接受我的建议的态度让我颇感意外。“如果你这么认为。爱丽丝，埃斯梅，贾斯帕还有我会去。然后爱丽丝可以回来交换埃美特和罗莎……”
His tone didn’t soften hers. “I’ll hunt when he does,” she growled, jerking her head toward Edward and then flipping her hair back.
可是他的语调却不能软化她。“我和他一起打猎，”她嚷嚷了一句，抬起下巴冲着爱德华的方向，顺便将头发捋到背后。
Carlisle sighed.
卡莱尔只有叹气的份。
Jasper and Emmett were down the stairs in a flash, and Alice joined them by the glass back door in the same second. Esme flitted to Alice’s side.
再一眨眼的功夫，贾斯帕和埃美特就已经下楼来，而且爱丽丝也在同时加入了他们，站到了玻璃门旁。埃斯米也立刻闪现在了爱丽丝的身旁。
Carlisle put his hand on my arm. The icy touch did not feel good, but I didn’t jerk away. I held still, half in surprise, and half because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
卡莱尔一只手握住我的手臂。冰冷的触感不怎么舒服，但是我没有让开。无动于衷地站定在那里，一半是因为惊讶，一半是因为不想伤了他的感情。
“Has she heard it?” I asked Edward.
“她能听到吗？”我问爱德华。
“Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blonde’s brain cells die?”
“听过这个没有，精神病？一个金发女人的脑细胞是怎么死的？”
So I sauntered over to the armchair next to the one Rosalie had and settled in, sprawling out so that my head was tilted toward Bella and my left foot was near Rosalie’s face.
所以我晃晃悠悠地走到罗莎莉身旁一把空着的扶手椅前，然后大模大样地打横坐下，头冲着贝拉，左脚伸到罗莎莉的脸蛋儿旁。
She looked pointedly at the TV and ignored me.
她直勾勾地盯着电视，忽视我。
She didn’t say anything.
她没有吭声。
There was no sound for a minute. I could feel someone glaring at me, and I knew who it would be. I’d been planning to take off and get some Z’s, but the chance to ruin Rosalie’s morning seemed too good to pass up.
接下来的一分钟里，鸦雀无声。我能感到有人正瞪着我，不用说也知道这个人是谁。我本打算找个地方打会儿瞌睡，但是这是千载难逢的机会可以搞砸罗莎莉的清晨，如果就这样睡去过去未免有些浪费了。
“Ew. Someone put the dog out,” she murmured, wrinkling her nose.
“额，谁来把这条狗给牵走，”她低声地发着牢骚，皱起鼻子。
There was no humor on his tense face — he didn’t move his eyes from Bella. But he said, “No.”
他紧绷的脸上丝毫不受幽默气息的感染——视线从来没有移开过贝拉。但是他还是说了句，“没有。”
“Thank you,” he said again, and then he darted out the door with the other four. My eyes followed them as they flew across the lawn and then disappeared before I took another breath. Their needs must have been more urgent than I’d imagined.
“谢谢，”他又对我道了一声谢，接着他和其他刚才4个人一齐冲出门去。我的目光追随他们穿过草地的背影，在一下次呼吸前，就不见了踪影。他们的渴求一定比我想的还要强烈。
“Well?” I asked. “Do you know the punch line or not?”
“那么，”我提问道。“答案就一个字，知道吗？”
I looked down, and she was scowling at me. It looked like yesterday’s good mood was long gone.
我低头看去，她正横眉怒目地瞪着我。看来昨天的好心情早就不见了。
“Someday, Beauty Queen, you’re going to get tired of just threatening me. I’m really looking forward to that.”
“总有一天，选美皇后，光口头恐吓我，连你自己都会觉得厌倦的。我可是非常期待哦。”
“I’d like to beat you dead,” Rosalie muttered, too low for Bella to hear.
“我真希望你能累死算了，”罗莎莉的抱怨声轻得让贝拉无法听见。
Before I could hope — or fear — that she’d finally gotten tired of me, she blinked, and her frown disappeared. She seemed totally shocked that I would come to that conclusion. “No! Of course not.”
终于像我期望，或者害怕的那样，她终于开始厌倦我了，可是她只是眨了眨眼，舒展了眉头。她看起来对于我得出这样的结论感到非常震惊。“不！当然不。”
Rosalie still didn’t look at me. “I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don’t forget that.”
罗莎莉依然没有正眼瞧我。“我死了的时间都比你活着的岁月长一百倍，你这个恶心的野兽。给我记着。”
“Awesome. So you’ll enjoy this, bloodsucker — a blonde’s brain cells die alone.”
“太可惜了。那么你会喜欢的，吸血鬼——一个金发女人的脑细胞是孤单死的。”
“You look tired,” Bella commented.
“你看上去好累，”贝拉评论说。
“Enough, Jacob,” Bella said.
“够了，雅各布，”贝拉发话了。
“Dead beat,” I admitted.
“是累得要死，”我承认。
I sighed, and I heard Edward sigh very quietly, too. I knew he wished she’d get over me, too. Too bad he’d never ask her to do anything that might make her unhappy.
我叹了一口气，接着听见一边的爱德华也轻轻地吐了口气。我能看得出来他也希望贝拉能够原谅我。任何让她不开心的事真是一点都不会让她去做呢，会惯坏的。
Well, I didn’t want to bug her. “You want me to take off?” I offered.
算了，我不想和她顶撞。“你想让我离开吗？”我主动说。
And then Edward said, “Did you say something?” in a puzzled tone. Strange. Because no one had said anything, and because Edward’s hearing was as good as mine, and he should have known that.
这时爱德华说话了，“你刚说了什么吗？”语气里充满了困惑。奇怪。因为没人发出任何声音，而且爱德华的听力和我一样的好，如果有谁说了什么，他一定可以听到。
“Me?” she asked after a second. “I didn’t say anything.”
“我？”过了一会儿她问道。我什么也没说。”
I just slumped deeper into the chair, getting comfortable. My bare foot dangled closer to Rosalie, and she stiffened. After a few minutes Bella asked Rosalie for a refill. I felt the wind as Rosalie blew upstairs to get her some more blood. It was really quiet. Might as well take a nap, I figured.
我又往椅子了陷了陷，调整了个更舒服的姿势。把赤脚翘得离她的脸更近了，她不由绷紧了身子。过了好一会儿，贝拉要罗莎莉帮她“续杯”。我感到罗莎莉一阵风似的冲上楼去帮她拿血。总算消停了，我也许是时候打个瞌睡了。
He was staring at Bella, and she was staring back. They both looked confused.
他凝望着贝拉，贝拉也回望着他。两个人看起来都疑惑极了。
He moved onto his knees, leaning forward over her, his expression suddenly intense in a whole different way. His black eyes focused on her face.
他跪坐下来，前倾着身体，表情紧张肃穆得可怕。黑色的眼眸聚焦在她的脸上。
“What were you thinking about a minute ago?” he asked.
“那你一分钟前想了什么？”他问。
She stared at him blankly. “Nothing. What’s going on?”
她狐疑地看着他。“什么都没想。怎么了？”
“What are you thinking about right now?”
“你刚刚在想什么？”
“Just… Esme’s island. And feathers.”
“只是……埃斯米的岛。还有羽毛。”
Sounded like total gibberish to me, but then she blushed, and I figured I was better off not knowing.
这些话在我听来就像一堆乱码，但是接着她红了脸，于是我明白最好还是不要知道的为妙。
His face changed again, and he did something that made my mouth fall open with a pop. I heard a gasp behind me, and I knew that Rosalie was back, and just as flabbergasted as I was.
他的脸色随即又为之色变，接着他做了一件足以让我下颌脱臼的事情。我听见背后传来一声抽气，是罗莎莉回来了。她也和我一样目瞪口呆。
“The f –” He swallowed. “It… the baby likes the sound of your voice.”
“那个胎……”他做了个吞咽的动作才继续说。“宝……宝喜欢听你的声音。”
“Holy crow, you can hear him!” Bella shouted. In the next second, she winced.
“不是吧，你能听见他！”贝拉高声惊呼。不过下一秒她就意识到声音有些大了。
Edward, very lightly, put both of his hands against her huge, round stomach.
爱德华，非常小心翼翼地，将双手放在了她那巨大，浑圆的肚子上。
“Like what? Edward, what’s going on?”
“比方什么，爱德华，出什么事了？”
There was one short beat of total silence. I could not move a muscle, even to blink. Then —
死一般的寂静。我没有办法牵动一块肌肉，连眨眼都做不到。接着——
“Shh,” he murmured. “You startled it… him.”
“嘘，”他细语道。“你吓到它……他了。”
Her eyes got all wide and full of wonder. She patted the side of her stomach. “Sorry, baby.”
她的眼睛睁得大大的，里面写满了惊奇。只见她轻轻拍了拍侧腹，说了句，“对不起，宝贝。”
“What’s he thinking now?” she demanded eagerly.
“他现在在想什么？”她急切地问道。
“It… he or she, is…” He paused and looked up into her eyes. His eyes were filled with a similar awe — only his were more careful and grudging. “He’s happy,” Edward said in an incredulous voice.
“它……他或者她，在……”他顿了一下，抬头对上她的眼睛。他的眼神充满了一种熟悉的敬畏感——只是这次有了更多的谨慎和勉强。“他很高兴”爱德华的声音说明他还是将信将疑。
Edward’s hand moved to the top peak of her belly and gently rubbed the spot where it must have kicked her.
爱德华把手移到她肚子的最顶端，替她揉搓着曾经被孩子踢过的地方。
Edward was listening hard, his head tilted toward the bulge.
爱德华努力倾听着，脑袋歪向一边凑近隆起的肚子。
“Say something else,” he whispered.
“其他的呢，”他温柔的说。
“He likes my voice, too.”
“他也喜欢我的声音。”
“Yes, it was. What –?” He paused and then said, “Hmm.”
“是的。什么——？”他想了想说，“恩。”
“Your father’s name was Edward, too.”
“你父亲的名字也是爱德华吧。”
“Of course you’re happy, pretty baby, of course you are,” she crooned, rubbing her stomach while the tears washed her cheeks. “How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, of course you’re happy.”
“当然，你是快乐的，小宝贝，当然是这样的，”泪水还在冲刷着她的脸颊，而她只顾爱抚她的肚子，低声诉说着什么。“你是安全的，温暖的，被疼爱的，怎么能不快乐呢？我是那么爱你，小EJ，你当然是幸福的。”
Her breath caught, and it was impossible not to see the fanatical gleam in her eyes. The adoration and the devotion. Big, fat tears overflowed her eyes and ran silently down her face and over her smiling lips.
她屏住了呼吸，眼睛里透出狂热的光彩。爱慕，奉献。豆大的泪珠溢出眼眶，静静地沿着嘴角翘起的漂亮弧度滑落。
As he stared at her, his face was not frightened or angry or burning or any of the other expressions he’d worn since their return. He was marveling with her.
他注视着她，一扫之前那些惊恐、愤怒或者任何之类的阴霾表情。他现在为她感到惊奇。
She blushed again. “I sort of named him. I didn’t think you would want… well, you know.”
她又一次红了脸。“我是这样称呼他的。我认为你不想……额，你是知道的。”
“What?”
“什么？”
“EJ?”
“EJ？”
“What did you call him?” Edward asked curiously.
“你叫他什么？”爱德华好奇地追问。
“Of course he does.” Her tone was almost gloating now. “You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn’t love it?”
“他当然会喜欢。”她几乎是在狂喜。“你有全宇宙最美的声音。谁不会爱上它呢？”
“Do you have a backup plan?” Rosalie asked then, leaning over the back of the sofa with the same wondering, gloating look on her face that was on Bella’s. “What if he’s a she?”
“你有后备计划吗？”罗莎莉后仰靠在沙发上，脸上带着和贝拉同样的兴奋。“这要万一是个女孩呢？”
In that moment, I knew that I was alone. All alone.
这一刻，我知道我是一个人。孤单无助。
At first he didn’t answer, and then — shocking all the rest of us again, three distinct and separate gasps — he laid his ear tenderly against her belly.
一开始，他并没有回答，接着——又做了个让我们都大惊失色的动作来，在三个人异口同声的吸气声中他俯下身去，把耳朵贴在了她的肚子上。
Edward was staring off into space, his face blank as he listened.
爱德华看着别处，毫无表情地聆听着。
“No, I like it,” Rosalie assured her. Their heads were close together, gold and mahogany. “It’s beautiful. And one of a kind, so that fits.”
“不，我倒很喜欢这个名字。”罗莎莉表示了肯定。她们的脑袋凑在一块儿，金色和红褐色。“很美的名字。很合适。”
“What?” Bella asked, her face just glowing away. “What’s he thinking now?”
“什么？”贝拉问，神采奕奕。“他在想什么呢？”
Bella wiped the back of her hand under her wet eyes. “I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renee and Esme. I was thinking… Ruh-nez-may.”
贝拉用手背抹过湿润微肿的眼睛。“我排列组合了一下，用勒妮和埃斯米的名字。我想……Ruh—nez—may。”
“Ruhnezmay?”
“Ruhnezmay”
“R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?”
“R—e—n—e—s—m—e—e。是不是太奇怪了？”
“He loves you,” Edward whispered, sounding dazed. “He absolutely adores you.”
“他爱你，”爱德华小声地说，听起来有些茫然。“他对你崇拜得五体投地。”
“I still think he’s an Edward.”
“可我始终觉得他应该是个爱德华。”
I wanted to kick myself when I realized how much I’d been counting on that loathsome vampire. How stupid — as if you could ever trust a leech! Of course he would betray me in the end.
我真想痛打自己一顿，怎么就那么相信了那个卑鄙的吸血鬼呢。蠢透了——吸血鬼说的话也能听！最后他还是自然而然的背叛了我。
I’d counted on him to be on my side. I’d counted on him to suffer more than I suffered. And, most of all, I’d counted on him to hate that revolting thing killing Bella more than I hated it.
我竟然依赖他多过相信自己。我竟然轻信他受的煎熬比我多的多。最重要的是，我竟然指望他比我还要记恨那个正在杀死贝拉的魔鬼。
Pain so bad you’d take death with a smile just to get away from it.
那种痛比死还难受，你会带着微笑死去。
All three of their heads snapped up, and I watched my pain ripple across Edward’s face as he trespassed in my head again.
其余三个人都转过头来看着我。当爱德华重新听到了我脑海中的想法，我看见自己的痛苦在他脸上铺展开来。
“Go, Jacob. Get away from here.” He didn’t say it harshly — he threw the words at me like they were a life preserver. He was helping me find the escape I was dying for.
“去吧，雅各布。离开这里。”他说得并不是很急切，而是像救命稻草一样一个字一个字扔向我。他帮我找到了夺门而出的机会。
I didn’t know what I was doing; I stood there, trembling, ready to bolt for the very first escape that I could think of.
我不知道自己在做什么；我站在那里，颤抖着，决定时机一到就落荒而逃。
Yet now they were together, the two of them bent over the budding, invisible monster with their eyes lit up like a happy family.
现在他站到了她那边，两个人都弯下身去，两眼放光地看着那个还在肚子里“茁壮成长”的怪物，多么幸福的一家子啊。
I’d trusted him with that.
我曾是那么信任他。
“Ahh,” he choked.
“啊，”他惊呼。
The heat unlocked my frozen muscles, and I was on my feet.
怒火冲破了肌肉僵直的枷锁，于是我站了起来。
The object in my hand was a set of car keys.
握在我手心里的是一串汽车钥匙。
And I was all alone with my hatred and the pain that was so bad it was like being tortured. Like being dragged slowly across a bed of razor blades.
只有我一个人忍受着憎恨和痛苦的磨折。就像被一把生锈的剃刀凌迟。
Moving like the strike of a snake, Edward darted to a small end table and ripped something from the drawer there. He tossed it at me, and I caught the object reflexively.
我灰溜溜地像蛇一样向门口挪去，爱德华一个箭步来到一张小边桌旁，从抽屉里抓了一样什么东西，并抛给我。我有些木讷地接住了飞来的物体。
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