The lady’s maid
女主人的贴身女仆
Eleven o’clock. A knock at the door.
十一点钟。一阵敲门声。
… I hope I haven’t disturbed you, madam. You weren’t asleep—were you? But I’ve just given my lady her tea, and there was a nice cup left, so I thought perhaps…
……希望没有打扰您，夫人。您还没睡吧？我刚给太太送完茶，还剩下一杯好茶，所以我想也许……
… Not at all, madam. I always make a cup of tea at this time. She drinks it in bed after she’s said her prayers, to warm her up. I start to boil the water when she kneels down, and I always say to the water, ‘Now, don’t be ready too quick.’ But it always boils long before my lady finishes her prayers. You see, madam, we know such a lot of people, and my lady has to mention all their names in her prayers—everyone. She keeps all their names in a little red book. Oh dear! Whenever we have a new visitor, and my lady says after they’ve gone, ‘Ellen, bring me my little red book,’ I feel quite wild, I really do.
……完全没有，夫人。我总是在这个时候泡一杯茶。她做完祷告后会在床上喝掉，好暖暖身子。她一跪下祈祷我就开始烧水，还总对水说：“别这么快就烧开啊。”可水总是在太太祷告结束前早就开了。您知道，夫人，我们认识的人太多了，太太在祷告时必须提到所有人的名字——每一个人。她把所有的名字都记在一个小红本里。天哪！每当有新客人来访，客人走后太太就说：“艾伦，把我的小红本拿来”，我就气得不得了，真的。
And do you know, madam, she kneels right down on the hard carpet. It makes me worried sick to see it, knowing her the way I do. I’ve tried putting a soft woollen blanket down. But the first time I did it she gave me such a look—such a sweet, suffering look it was, madam. ‘Did our Lord Jesus have soft woollen blankets, Ellen?’ she said. But—I was younger then—I wanted to say, ‘No, but our Lord Jesus wasn’t as old as you, and He didn’t have your poor bad back!’ Terrible of me, wasn’t it? But she’s too good, you know, madam. When I went in to see if she was all right just now, and saw her lying there asleep—so pretty—I couldn’t help thinking, ‘Now you look just like your dear mother on her deathbed.’
您知道吗，夫人，她就直接跪在硬地毯上。看着她那样，了解她的我真是担心死了。我曾试着铺一条柔软的羊毛毯子。但第一次这么做时，她看了我一眼——那眼神既温柔又带着受难般的坚忍，夫人。“我们的主耶稣有柔软的羊毛毯吗，艾伦？”她说。可是——那时我还年轻——我真想说：“没有，但我们的主耶稣可没您这么老，也没有您这可怜的背痛！”我太不应该了，是吧？但她实在太善良了，您知道的，夫人。刚才我进去看她是否安好，见她躺在那里睡着了——那么安详美丽——我不禁想道：“您现在看起来真像您亲爱的母亲临终时的模样。”
… Yes, madam, I took care of everything after the death. Oh, she did look sweet. I did her hair—ever so soft and pretty it was—and I put the most lovely flowers all round her head. She looked a picture! I shall never forget those flowers.
……是的，夫人，老夫人去世后的后事都是我操办的。哦，她看起来真慈祥。我为她梳理了头发——那么柔软漂亮——还在她头周围摆满了最可爱的鲜花。她美得就像一幅画！我永远忘不了那些花。
… Only the last year, madam. She came to live with us after she became a bit—well—forgetful, as they say. Of course, she was never dangerous; she was the sweetest old lady. But what happened was—she thought she’d lost something. She couldn’t sit still. All day long she used to search the house, up and down, up and down. When she saw me, she’d say, ‘I’ve lost it; I’ve lost it,’ just like a child. And I’d say, ‘Come along and we’ll have a nice game of cards.’ But she’d take my hand—I was a favourite of hers—and whisper, ‘Find it for me, Ellen. Find it for me.’ Sad, wasn’t it?
……只有最后那一年，夫人。在她变得有点——嗯——健忘之后，她才搬来和我们同住。当然，她从不危险；她是最和蔼的老太太。但问题是——她总觉得丢了什么东西。她坐立不安，整天在屋子里找来找去，楼上楼下地转。见到我就会说：“我弄丢了；我弄丢了”，像个孩子似的。我会哄她：“来吧，我们玩会儿牌。”但她会拉着我的手——我是她最疼爱的人——低声说：“帮我找找，艾伦。帮我找找。”真让人难过，不是吗？
… No, she never got any better, madam. The last thing she ever said was—very slow, ‘Look in—the—Look—in—’ And then she was gone.
……没有，她再也没好转，夫人。她临终前说得非常缓慢的一句话是：“看看——在——看看——在——”然后她就走了。
… No, madam, I never noticed it. Perhaps some girls. But you see, it’s like this. I’ve got nobody but my lady. My mother died when I was four, and I lived with my grandfather, who had a hairdresser’s shop. I used to sit under a table in the shop, brushing my doll’s hair. I suppose I was copying the assistants. They were really kind to me. I used to sit there all day, as quiet as can be—the customers never knew I was there.
……没有，夫人，我没注意到这个。也许有些女孩会吧。但您看，情况是这样的：除了太太，我谁也没有。我四岁时母亲就去世了，我和开理发店的外祖父一起生活。我以前常坐在店里的桌子底下给我的洋娃娃梳头，大概是在模仿店员们。他们对我真好。我常常一整天安静地坐在那里——客人们根本不知道我在那儿。
… But one day I managed to get a pair of scissors, and—would you believe it, madam? —I cut off all my hair! What a little monkey! Grandfather went mad, he was so angry. He picked up the red-hot curling tongs—I shall never forget it—caught hold of my hand and shut my fingers in the tongs. ‘That’ll teach you!’ he said. It was an awful burn. You can still see the mark.
……但有一天我弄到了一把剪刀，然后——您信吗，夫人？——我把自己的头发全剪了！真是个淘气包！外祖父气疯了。他抓起烧得通红的卷发钳——我永远忘不了那一幕——抓住我的手，把我的手指夹进钳子里。“看你以后还敢不敢！”他说。烫伤得很严重，您现在还能看到疤痕。
… Well, you see, madam, he’d been so proud of my hair. He used to sit me in a high chair, before the customers came, and give me such a beautiful hair-do. I remember the assistants all standing and watching. Grandfather used to give me a penny to sit still for him. But he always took it back afterwards. Poor Grandfather!
……唉，您看，夫人，他曾为我的头发感到多么自豪。在客人来之前，他常让我坐在高脚椅上，给我梳出那么漂亮的发型。我记得店员们都站在一旁看着。外祖父会给我一个便士让我乖乖坐着，但事后总会把钱拿回去。可怜的外祖父！
When he burned my hand, I was so frightened! Do you know what I did, madam? I ran away. Yes, I did, right down the street and round the corner. Oh dear, I must have looked funny, with my hand rolled up in my skirt and my hair sticking out all over my head. People must have laughed when they saw me…
他烫伤我的手时，我吓坏了！您猜我怎么着，夫人？我逃跑了。是的，我真的跑了，沿着大街跑过了拐角。天哪，我当时一定很滑稽，手裹在裙子里，头发乱糟糟地支棱在头上。路人看到肯定都在笑我……
… No, madam, Grandfather never forgave me. He couldn’t even eat his dinner if I was in the room. So my aunt gave me a home. She was a dress-maker. Tiny little woman, she was. She had to stand on a chair to measure some of her ladies. And it was when I was helping her that I met my lady…
……没有，夫人，外祖父再也没有原谅我。只要我在房间里，他连饭都吃不下。于是姨妈收留了我。她是个裁缝，个子小小的，给某些女顾客量尺寸时还得站在椅子上。就是在帮她干活时，我遇到了现在的太太……
… Not so very young, madam. I was already thirteen. And I don’t remember ever feeling I was—well—a child. You see, there was my uniform and one thing and another. My lady insisted on my wearing a proper uniform from the start.
……也不算很小了，夫人。我已经十三岁了。而且我不记得自己曾觉得我是个——嗯——孩子。您看，有了制服和其他种种规矩。太太从一开始就坚持要我穿正式的制服。
… Oh yes—once I felt like a child! That was—funny! It was like this. My lady had her two little nieces staying with her, and there was a fair in a park nearby. ‘Now, Ellen,’ she said, ‘I want you to take the two young ladies for a ride on the donkeys.’
……哦，有的——有一次我感觉自己像个孩子！那件事——真有趣！事情是这样的：太太的两个小侄女来住，附近公园里有个游园会。“艾伦，”她说，“我想让你带两位小姐去骑驴。”
Off we went. Quiet little girls, they were. They both held my hand. But when we came to the donkeys, they were too shy to go for a ride. So we stood and watched. Those donkeys were so beautiful! They were a lovely silver-grey colour and they had little red saddles and bells on their ears. And quite big girls—older than me—were riding them. And they looked so nice, just enjoying themselves. I don’t know why, but when I saw those donkeys, with their little feet and their eyes—so gentle—and their big soft ears—well, I wanted more than anything in the world to ride on a donkey’s back!
我们就出发了。两个小姑娘文文静静的，一人牵着我的一只手。可到了驴子跟前，她们却害羞得不肯骑。于是我们就站着看。那些驴子真漂亮！可爱的银灰色，配着小红色鞍子，耳朵上还挂着铃铛。不少大女孩——比我还大——正骑着它们，看起来开心极了。不知为什么，当我看到那些驴子，看到它们的小蹄子、温柔的眼睛和又大又软的耳朵时——唉，我比世上任何事都更想骑到驴背上去！
… Of course, I couldn’t. I had to look after my young ladies. But all the rest of the day I thought about those donkeys. I had nothing but donkeys on my mind. I felt I would burst if I didn’t tell someone; and there was no one to tell. But when I went to bed—I was sleeping in cook’s bedroom at the time—as soon as the lights was out, I could see them again. My donkeys, with their neat little feet and sad eyes.
……当然，我不能骑。我得照看两位小姐。但那天剩下的时间里，我满脑子都是那些驴子。除了驴子什么都想不了。我觉得如果不告诉别人我就要憋炸了；可又没人可说。但当我上床睡觉时——那时我和厨娘睡一间房——灯一灭，我又看见了它们。我的驴子们，整齐的小蹄子和忧伤的眼睛。
Well, madam, would you believe it, I waited for a long time and pretended to be asleep, and then I suddenly sat up and said, as loud as I could, ‘I want to ride on a donkey. I want a donkey-ride!’ You see, I had to say it, so I pretended I was talking in my sleep. That’s just what a silly child would do, isn’t it?
唉，夫人，您信吗，我等了很久，假装睡着，然后突然坐起来，用最大的声音喊道：“我想骑驴！我要骑驴！”您瞧，我必须说出来，所以就假装在说梦话。这正是傻孩子才会做的事，对吧？
… No, madam, never now. Of course, I wanted to when I was younger. But I never did. He had a little flower-shop. Funny, wasn’t it? I’ve always loved flowers. We were having a lot of parties in the house at that time, and I was in and out of the flower-shop all the time. And Harry and I (his name was Harry) started arguing about what flowers were best—and that was how it began.
……没有了，夫人，现在不会了。当然，年轻时想过。但我从未实现过。他开了一家小花店。挺巧的，是吧？我一直喜欢花。那时宅子里经常举办聚会，我也就频繁出入那家花店。哈里和我（他叫哈里）开始争论哪种花最好——故事就这样开始了。
Flowers! You wouldn’t believe it, madam, the flowers he used to give me. It was lilies more than once, and that’s the honest truth. Well, of course, we were going to get married and live in rooms over the shop. I was going to arrange the flowers in the shop-window. Oh, how often I’ve arranged that window! Not really, of course, madam. Just in my dreams. I’ve done it all red and green for Christmas, and with a lovely star for Easter all made out of daffodils. I’ve put—well, that’s enough about that.
花！您恐怕不会相信，夫人，他以前送给我的那些花。不止一次送百合，千真万确。嗯，当然了，我们本来打算结婚，住在花店楼上的房间里。我负责布置橱窗里的花。哦，我在想象中布置了多少次那个橱窗啊！当然不是真的，夫人，只是在梦里。圣诞节时我用红绿两色装饰，复活节时用水仙花做成一颗可爱的星星。我还放过——唉，关于这些说得够多了。
The day came when we were going to choose our furniture. Shall I ever forget it? It was a Tuesday. My lady wasn’t very well that afternoon. She didn’t say anything, of course—she never complains. But she kept asking me if it was cold, and rubbing her little hands together. I knew she wasn’t well. I didn’t want to leave her, and I said, ‘Shall I tell him that we’ll go another day?’
终于到了我们要去挑选家具的那天。我怎能忘记呢？那是个星期二。那天下午太太身体不太舒服。她当然什么也没说——她从不抱怨。但她不停地问我冷不冷，还搓着她那双小手。我知道她不舒服，不想离开她，便问：“要不要告诉他我们改天再去？”
‘Oh, no, Ellen,’ she said, ‘you can’t disappoint your young man.’ So sweet, madam, never thinking about herself. It made me feel worse than ever.
“哦，不行，艾伦，”她说，“你不能让你的小伙子失望。”她太贴心了，夫人，从不考虑自己。这让我心里更难受了。
And then she dropped a little perfume bottle, madam, and she tried to bend right down and pick it up herself—a thing she never did. ‘Whatever are you doing!’ I cried, and I ran to stop her.
接着她不小心掉了一个小香水瓶，夫人，竟试图弯腰自己去捡——这可是她从来不做的事。“您在干什么呀！”我叫着跑过去拦住她。
‘Well,’ she said, smiling, ‘I shall have to get used to doing things for myself now.’ Oh, madam, I almost burst into tears when she said that! I couldn’t stop myself, and I asked her if she would rather I didn’t get married.
“唉，”她微笑着说，“看来我现在得习惯自己动手做事了。”哦，夫人，听到这话我差点哭出来！我忍不住问她是不是宁愿我不结婚。
‘No, Ellen,’ she said—that was how she spoke, madam, just like that—’No, Ellen, not for the world!’ But while she said it, madam, I was looking in her mirror. Of course, she didn’t know I could see her, and she put her little hand on her heart just like her dear mother used to, and she looked so sad… Oh, madam!
“不，艾伦，”她说——她说话就是这样，夫人，就这么简单——“不，艾伦，绝不！”但在她说这话时，夫人，我正看着她的镜子。她当然不知道我能看见她，她把小手放在心口，就像她亲爱的母亲从前那样，神情那么悲伤……哦，夫人！
When Harry came, I had his letters all ready, and the ring, and a dear little silver brooch with a heart on it that he’d given me. I opened the door to him. I never gave him time to say a word. ‘There you are,’ I said. ‘Take them all back,’ I said, ‘it’s all over. I’m not going to marry you,’ I said, ‘I can’t leave my lady.’ White! He turned as white as a woman. I had to shut the door, and I stood there, shaking all over, until he went. Then I opened the door and I ran out into the middle of the road, and I just stood there… staring. People must have laughed if they saw me…
哈里来时，我已经把他的信、戒指，还有他送我的那个可爱的小爱心银胸针都准备好了。我给他开门，没等他说一个字就把东西塞给他。“都在这儿，”我说，“全都拿回去吧，”我说，“一切都结束了。我不会嫁给你了，”我说，“我不能离开我的太太。”他的脸刷地白了！白得像女人一样。我只好关上门，站在那里浑身发抖，直到他离开。然后我打开门冲到路中间，就那么站着……发呆。如果有人看见我，一定会笑话我吧……
…What’s that? The clock? Oh, madam, you should have stopped me! Let me cover up your feet. I always cover up my lady’s feet, every night. And she always says, ‘Goodnight, Ellen. Sleep well and wake up early!’
……那是什么声音？钟响了吗？哦，夫人，您早该打断我的！让我把您的脚盖好。我每晚都会给太太盖好脚。她总是说：“晚安，艾伦。睡个好觉，早点起床！”
…Oh dear, I sometimes think… whatever would I do if anything happened… But thinking’s no good, is it, madam? Thinking won’t help. When I find myself doing that, I say to myself, ‘Come along, Ellen! Stop it this moment, my girl! Stop that silly thinking…!’
……天哪，我有时会想……万一出了什么事我可怎么办……但想也没用，是吧，夫人？胡思乱想帮不上忙。每当发现自己又开始瞎想时，我就对自己说：“振作点，艾伦！立刻停下，丫头！别再犯傻了……！”
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