第十二章

“Miss Lilly,” says the woman before me, quietly. “Ain’t you just the darling. Are you very tired, dear? You have come quite a journey.”

“李小姐，”我面前的妇人静静说道。“可不正是你嘛，亲爱的。你累了吧？亲爱的？跑了那么多路。”

Richard takes off his hat and his coat, sets down our bags, and stretches. The scowling boy drops open his mouth and shows the meat within.

理查德摘掉帽子，脱下外套，将我们的包放在一边，伸了个懒腰。那板着面孔的少年嘴张大了，露出嘴里嚼着的肉。

Then there comes a kind of chaos. The dog barks and leaps, the baby in its blanket gives a cry; another baby, that I have not noticed — it lies in a tin box, beneath the table begins to cry also.

接着，屋里一阵混乱。狗狂吠着要扑上来，包裹里的婴儿发出哭喊；另一个婴儿，先前我未留意到——睡在桌下一个马口铁盒子中——也开始哭喊。

“It ain’t Sue,” says the boy again, a little louder.

“这不是苏，”那少年又说，这回他提高了声量。

“It ain’t Sue,” he says.

“这不是苏，”他说道。

“Change of plan,” says Richard, not catching my eye. “Sue stays on behind, to take care of a few last points. — Mr Ibbs, how are you, sir?”

“计划有所改变，”理查德说道，他并不看我眼睛。“苏留在后边，处理一点后续事务。——艾伯斯先生，你还好吗？先生？”

“Sweet, son,” the pale man answers. He has taken off his apron and is quieting the dog. The boy who opened the door to us has gone. The little brazier is cooling and ticking and growing grey. The red-haired girl bends over the screaming babies with a bottle and a spoon, but is still stealing looks at me.

“好着呢，孩子，”那个面色苍白的男人答道。他已将围裙摘下，此时正安抚那狗。给我们开门的少年已不见踪影。那小火盆里的火暗淡了，煤块劈啪作响，渐渐变白。红发姑娘一手拿瓶，一手拿汤匙，弯腰要去哄那哭叫的婴儿，却还不忘偷眼看我。

The scowling boy says, “Change of plan? I don’t get it.”

那板着面孔的少年说道，“计划有变？我都不知道。”

I have stood, as if in a trance, and let her murmur; now, feeling her fingers flutter against my face, I start away from her.

我立在原地，仿佛元神出了壳，任由她喃喃自语；当感觉到她手在我脸上胡乱摸索，我立即从她身前跳开。

“Brown eyes,” she says, beneath her breath; her breath is sweet as sugar. “Pink lips, two pouters. Nice and dainty at the chin. Teeth, white as china. Cheeks — rather soft, I dare say? Oh!”

“褐色的眼睛，”她喘着气说道；她气息香甜如糖果。“粉红的小嘴儿，这胸脯，翘得象鸽子（two pouters）；这牙，白得象瓷器。屁股——我敢说，相当软和？噢！”

“You will,” answers Richard. “Unless –” He puts his finger against his mouth, and winks.

“你会知道的。”理查德答道。“除非——”他将手指放在嘴上，使了个眼色。

The woman, meanwhile, is still before me, still describing my face with her hands, telling off my features as if they were beads upon a string.

与此同时，那女人仍旧站在我面前，双手还在我脸上摸索，口中将我样貌特征一一念叨出来，仿佛念叨的是穿在线绳上的水珠。

“How dare you?” I say. “How dare you speak to me? How dare you look at me, any of you? And you –” I go to Richard and seize his waistcoat. “What is this? Where have you brought me to? What do they know of Sue, here?”

“你放肆！”我说道。“你怎敢这样跟我说话？你怎敢看我，还有你们？你——”我走到理查德身边，抓住他的马甲。“怎么回事？你把我带到什么地方来了？这些人知道苏什么事？”

“Hey, hey,” calls the pale man mildly. The boy laughs. The woman looks rueful.

“嗨，嗨，”面色苍白的男人和气地喊道。那少年笑了。那女人则面露悔意。

“Got a voice, don’t she?” says the girl.

“嗓门挺亮，对吧？”红发姑娘说道。

Richard meets my gaze, then looks away. “What can I say?” He shrugs. “I am a villain.”

理查德与我对视一眼，随即眼睛又看向别处。“我能说什么？”他耸耸肩。“我是个坏蛋。”

“Like the blade on a knife,” says the man.”That clean.”

“象刀子上的刀刃，”男人说道。“那么干净利落。”

“Not mine,” he answers at last.

“不是我的，”最后他答道。

He shakes his head. “Whose, then? Where, then?”

他摇摇头。“那这是谁的？那我们的呢？”

I can feel her wringing her hands, but do not look at her. I keep my eyes upon Richard. “Tell me,” I say.

我能觉察她在绞着双手，却并不看她。我眼睛始终盯着理查德。“跟我说清楚。”我说道。

“John, be quiet, or I’ll thrash you,” says the woman. “Don’t mind him, Miss Lilly, I implore you now, don’t!”

“安静，约翰，要不然我揍你，”那女人说道。“别跟他一般见识，李小姐，我求求你了，别跟他计较！”

“Is it his!” The boy laughs harder, and chokes on his meat.

“是不是他的！”那少年哈哈大笑，却又被嘴里的肉呛住。

“Sue’s house,” I say. “Sue’s house, of thieves.”

“苏的家，”我说道，“苏的贼窝。”

“Not ours?”

“不是我们的宅子？”

He rubs at his eye. He is tired. “It is theirs,” he says, nodding to the woman, the man. “Their house, in the Borough.”

他揉揉眼睛。他累了。“这是他们的家。”他朝那女人和那男人点点头说道。“他们的家，在镇子上。”

I think: Sue’s aunt! I was sorry for her, once. Now I turn and almost spit at her. “Will you keep from me, you witch?” The kitchen grows silent. It seems darker, too, and close. I still have Richard gripped by the waistcoat. When he tries to pull away, I hold him tighter. My thoughts are leaping, fast as hares. I think, He has married me, and has brought me here, as a place to be rid of me. He means to keep my money for himself. He means to give them some trifling share for the killing of me, and Sue — even in the midst of my shock and confusion, my heart drops again, as I think it — Sue they will free. Sue knows it all.

我心想：苏的姨妈！我曾对她心怀愧疚。此时，我转身站开，差点要朝她啐一口了。“你这老巫婆，能离我远点吗？”这厨房立即一片静默。这里似乎也太过幽暗憋闷。我手里还抓着理查德的马甲。当他试图摆脱，我抓得更紧了。我思绪跳跃，疾如脱兔。我心想，他已娶了我，还将我带到此处，这好似一个方便他甩掉我的地方。他想要独吞我的钱财。他想要给他们点零头，让他们干掉我，还有苏——尽管我惊魂未定，头脑乱作一团，我的心又是一沉，因为我想到——他们会去解救苏。而苏知晓这一切。

“Honest thieves,” says the woman, creeping closer, “to those that know us!”

“对那些了解我们的人来说，”那女人凑过来说道，“我们是诚实正直的贼。”

The Borough… I have heard him say the name, once or twice before. I stand for a moment in silence, thinking back across his words; then my heart drops.

镇子…以前有一两次我听他说过这个地方。我站在那儿沉默着，回想着他的言语；然后我的心一沉。

“Damn your attitudes now!” I say. Tell me what this means. Whose house is this? Is it yours?”

“你这态度真该死！”我说道。“跟我说清楚这是什么意思。这是谁的宅子？是不是你的？”

“You shan’t do it!” I say, my voice rising. “You think I don’t know what you mean to do? All of you? What trick?”

“你不能！”我说道，我声音提高了。“你以为我不知道你意欲何为？不知道你们，有什么阴谋诡计？”

“Take me now. Or I go, alone. I shall make my way — I saw the route! I studied it, hard! — and I shall find out a — a policeman!”

“带我走。否则我自己走。我自己找路——我看过路！我仔细研究过！——而且我还要找个——找个警察！”

He shakes his head, looks away. “I can’t do it.”

他摇摇头，眼睛望着别处。“我不干。”

The boy, the pale man, the woman and girl, all flinch or wince. The dog barks.

那少年，那苍白男人，那女人和红发姑娘，闻言皆面露惊惧。狗又狂吠。

“You don’t know anything, Maud,” he answers. He tries to draw my hands from his coat. I will not let him. I think, if he does that, they will certainly kill me. For a second we struggle. Then: The stitching, Maud!” he says. He plucks my fingers free. I catch at his arm instead.

“你什么都不知道，莫德。”他答道。他试着将我的手从他衣服上拽下来。我不松手。我心想，如果他拽开我的手，他们肯定会加害于我。我们纠缠片刻。然后：“衣裳撕破了，莫德！”他说道。他把我手指掰开，我就抓住他胳膊。

“Take me back,” I say. I say it, thinking: Don’t let them see you are afraid! But my voice has risen higher and I cannot make it firm. Take me back, at once, to the streets and hackneys.”

“带我回去，”我说道。我口出此言，心里想着：别让他们看到你害怕！我声音提得更高，却无法令声线显得坚定。“带我回去，马上，带我到街上去找马车。”

“Now now,” says the man, stroking his moustache. “You must be careful how you talk, dear, in a house like this.”

“好了，好了，”那男人抚着小胡子说道。“在我们这种人家里，亲爱的，你说话得当心点。”

“It is you who must be careful!” I say. I look from one face to another. “What is it you think you shall have from this? Money? Oh, no. It is you who must be careful. It is all of you! And you, Richard — you — who must be most careful of all, should I once find a policeman and begin to talk.”

“应该当心的人是你！”我说道。我目光从这张脸移到那张脸。“你以为你能从中捞到什么？钱财？噢，不。应该当心的人是你。是你们！一旦我找到警察，跟警察坦白，你，理查德——你是——这里面最应该当心的。”

The boy’s knife flashes again. Now, I think, they will kill me. The thought itself is like a blade, and astonishingly sharp. For haven’t I willed my life away, at Briar? Haven’t I felt it rising from me, and been glad? Now I suppose they mean to kill me; and I am more afraid than I have imagined it possible to be, of anything, anything at all.

那少年的刀又闪了一下。现在，我心想，他们要干掉我了。这念头本身就好象一片刀片，刀刃之锋利触目惊心。我不是在布莱尔就已将生死置之度外了吗？我不是已感觉到生命重获蘖磐，并为此深感庆幸吗？现在，我猜他们要干掉我；我设想过各种可能，一切情形，但事到临头，我却比想象中更为恐惧。

But Richard looks and says nothing. “Do you hear me?” I cry.

而理查德只是一言不发地看着。“你听到没有？”我叫道。

“Damn you!” I say. I look wildly about me for a moment, then make a sudden grab at my bag. Richard reaches it first, however, he hooks it with his long leg and kicks it across the floor, almost playfully. The boy takes it up, and holds it in his lap. He produces a knife and begins to pick at the lock. The blade flashes. Richard folds his arms. “You see you cannot leave, Maud,” he says simply. “You cannot go, with nothing.”

“你该死！”我说道。我目光狂乱，环顾身边，然后突然扑向我的包。然而，理查德抢先够到那包，他长腿一勾，再踢出一脚，简直象玩游戏，包在地板上滑过去。那少年拿到包，将包搁在膝盖上。他变出把匕首，开始撬包上的锁。刀片闪着光。理查德抱着胳膊。“你看你走不成了，莫德。”他简洁地说道。“两手空空，走不了了。”

The man winces again, and puts his finger to his ear as if to clear it of wax. “Like a blade,” he says, to no-one, to everyone. “Ain’t it?”

那男人又被我的叫声惊得身子一退，还将手伸进耳朵，仿佛在掏耳中的蜡。“这声音象刀片，”他说道，不知是对何人说，“不是吗？”

He has moved to the door, to stand before it. There are other doors, that lead, perhaps to a street, perhaps only into other dark rooms. I shall never choose the right one.

他已站到门前，堵住了门。屋里还有别的房门，也许通向一条小街，也许只通向另一间黑屋子。我永远也挑不中那扇正确的门。

“I am sorry,” he says.

“我很抱歉，”他说道。

You fool, I say to myself. But to them I say: “You shan’t. You shan’t!” I run one way, and then another; finally I dart, not for the door at Richard’s back, but for the slumbering, swollen-headed baby. I seize it, and shake it, and put my hand to its neck.

你这个傻瓜，我对自己说。不过对他们，我说道：“你们休想！你们休想！”我抬脚左冲右突，声东击西，最后象飞镖一样飞身扑去，不是扑向理查德身后的门，而是那个昏睡的大脑袋婴儿。我抓住孩子，拿在手里晃着，还将手放在孩子脖颈上。

“You shan’t!” I say again. “Damn you, do you think I have come so far, for this?” I look at the woman. “I shall kill your baby first!” — I think I would do it. — “See, here! I shall stifle it!”

“你休想！”我又说道。“该死的，你以为我赶这么远的路来，就是为了让你们干掉我？”我望着那女人。“我会先干掉你的小宝贝！”我觉得我会那么做——“看！这儿！我要闷死他！”

The man, the girl, the boy, look interested. The woman looks sorry. “My dear,” she says, “I have seven babies about the place, just now. Make it six, if you want. Make it” — with a gesture to the tin box beneath the table — “make it five. It is all the same to me. I fancy I am about to give the business up, anyway.”

那男人，那红发姑娘，和那少年，都饶有兴味地看着。那女人则面带歉意。“我亲爱的，”她说道，“现在，我这儿一共有七个小宝贝。如果你喜欢，不妨把七个变成六个。动手吧。”——她指指桌下的铁皮盒子——“变成五个。对我都一样。其实，我也正打算少费点事呢。”

The creature in my arms slumbers on, but gives a kick. I feel the rapid palpitation of its heart beneath my fingers, and there is a fluttering at the top of its swollen head. The woman still watches. The girl puts her hand to her neck, and rubs. Richard searches in his pocket for a cigarette. He says, as he does it, “Put the damn child down, Maud, won’t you?”

我怀里的小宝贝仍在昏睡，他脚踢了一下。这小宝贝在我手上，我手指能感觉到他心脏的快速搏动，他那大头的头顶在突突跳动。那女人还在观望。红发姑娘将手放在自己脖颈上，来回摩擦。理查德在口袋里翻腾，想找支香烟。他边翻口袋边说道，“放下这个讨厌的孩子，莫德，不放吗？”

He says it mildly; and I become aware of myself, my hands at a baby’s throat. I set the child carefully down upon the table, among the plates and china cups. At once, the boy takes his knife from the lock of my bag and waves it over its head.

他柔声细语道出这番话。我一下回过神来，我手还卡在婴儿咽喉处。我小心翼翼地将婴儿放到桌上，放在餐盘和茶杯之间。随即，那少年从包锁上抓起他的匕首，拿在手中挥舞着，乱舞的刀下面就是婴儿的大脑袋。

“Ha-ha!” he cries. “The lady wouldn’t do it. John Vroom shall have him — lips, nose and ears!”

“哈！哈！”他叫道。“千金小姐才不干这个。让约翰。瓦儒来结果他——嘴巴，鼻子，耳朵！”

The girl squeals, as if tickled. The woman says sharply, “That’s enough. Or are all my infants to be worried out of their cradles, into their graves? Fine farm I should be left with then. Dainty, see to little Sidney before he scalds himself, do. Miss Lilly will suppose herself come among savages. Miss Lilly, I can see you’re a spirited girl. I expected nothing less. But you don’t imagine we mean to hurt you?”

红发姑娘一声惊叫，仿佛被胳肢到了。那女人凌厉地说道，“够了。是不是非要我操这份心，担心我的小宝贝们被人从摇篮里搂出来，直接扔到坟墓里？那我就成光杆司令了。达蒂，去瞧瞧小西德尼，别让他烫到自个，去。李小姐要以为她掉到野人窝里了。李小姐，我看出来了，你是泼辣姑娘。我一无所求。可是，你别总以为我们要害你呀。”

I still shake, a little. “I can’t imagine,” I say, pulling myself away from her hands, “that you mean me any kind of good, since you persist in keeping me here, when I so clearly wish to leave.”

我仍在战栗。“我不觉得，”我身子退后，躲开她的手，“你对我怀有任何好心，因为我表白心意要走，你却执意要把我留在这儿。”

She comes to me again. She cannot stand without touching me — now she puts her hand upon me and strokes my sleeve. “You don’t imagine you ain’t more welcome here, than anyone?”

她又走过来，站在我面前，忍不住伸出手抚摸我——此时她拍打着我的衣袖。“你可别觉得你在这里是不受欢迎的人。”

She strokes me again. “Sit down, my darling. Look at this chair: got from a very grand place, it might be waiting for you. Won’t you take off your cloak, and your bonnet? You shall swelter, we keep a very warm kitchen. Won’t you slip off your gloves? — Well, you know best.”

她又拍打我。“坐下，我亲爱的。瞧瞧这张椅子：这是从一个金碧辉煌的地方搞来的，就等着你来坐呢。你不要把斗篷和帽子脱掉吗？你会热昏过去的。我们厨房太热了。你不把手套摘掉吗？——对呀，你最明白了。”

She tilts her head. “Hear the grammar in that, Mr Ibbs?” she says. The man says he does.

她歪着头。“快听听这词儿，多文雅，艾伯斯先生，听到没？”她说道。那男人说听到了。

I have drawn in my hands. Richard catches the woman’s eye. “Miss Lilly, he says quietly, “is rather particular about the fingers. Was made to wear gloves, from an early age” — he lets his voice drop still further, and mouths the last few words in an exaggerated way — “by her uncle.”

我已摘下手套。理查德望着那女人的眼睛。“李小姐，”他轻轻说道，“特别在意她的手。从小她就被人逼着戴手套”——他拖长了声音，最后几个字说出来，嘴型尤其夸张。“被她舅舅逼的。”

The woman looks sage.

那女人神情一凛。

“Your uncle,” she says. “Now, I know all about him. Made you look at a lot of filthy French books. And did he touch you, dear, where he oughtn’t to have? Never mind it now. Never mind it, here. Better your own uncle than a stranger, I always say. — Oh, now ain’t that a shame?”

“你舅舅，”她说道。“他的事我现在都知道。逼你看了好多下流的法国书。他有没有碰过你？亲爱的，他有没有碰过不该碰的地方？现在都别放在心上了。到了这儿，都别放在心上。肥水不留外人田，给自己舅舅总好过给外人，我总这么说来着。——噢，现在这些事，不是都不算什么丢人现眼的事了吗？”

I have sat, to disguise the trembling of my legs; but have pushed her from me. My chair is close to the fire and she is right, it is hot, it is terribly hot, my cheek is burning; but I must not move, I must think. The boy still picks at the lock.

我坐下来，以掩饰腿软；我把她推开。我坐的椅子就在壁炉边，她说得很对，屋里很热，屋里太热了，我双颊烧得发烫；可我还不能动弹，我得思考。那少年还在折腾包上的锁头。

The red-haired girl has the fingers of the baby’s hands in her mouth and is sucking on them, idly.

那红发姑娘将婴儿的小手拿在嘴边，闲闲地将小手指含在嘴里。

“French books,” he says, with a snigger.

“法国书，”他窃笑着说道。

I turn my head, but not my gaze.

我头别过去，眼睛却还盯着理查德。

The man has come nearer. The woman is still at my side. The light of the fire picks out her chin, her cheek, an eye, a lip. The lip is smooth. She wets it.

那男人走近了一点。那女人还站在我身边。火光勾勒出她的侧面，下巴，脸颊，眼和嘴唇。嘴唇很光滑，她舔了一下嘴。

“Richard!” The woman reaches to me and unfastens the string of my bonnet and draws it from my head. She pats my hair, then takes up a lock of it and rubs it between her fingers.

“理查德！”那女人伸手解开我帽子上的带子，将帽子取下。她理着我的头发，挑出一绺来，在指间摩挲着。

She shakes her head. “You are growing wild, my dear, and spoiling your pretty hair. Haven’t I said? We don’t mean to harm you. Here is John Vroom, look; and Delia Warren, that we call Dainty: you shall think them cousins, I hope, in time. And Mr Humphry Ibbs: he has been waiting for you — haven’t you, Mr Ibbs? And here am I. I’ve been waiting for you, hardest of all. Dear me, how hard it has been.”

她摇摇头。“我亲爱的，你要把你的漂亮头发弄坏了。我没说明白吗？我们不打算伤害你。这是约翰。瓦儒，瞧；还有达莉娅。沃伦，我们叫她达蒂。你就会把他们当你的表亲看待了，我希望，很快。还有汉弗里。艾伯斯先生，他一直恭候你的光临，是吧，艾伯斯先生？还有我，我也一直恭候着你，在这里边，我是最着急的那个。我这小可怜啊，我盼得多苦啊。”

“Richard,” I say. He doesn’t answer.

“理查德，”我说道。他没应声。

“Quite fair,” she says, in a sort of wonder. “Quite fair, like gold almost.”

“真漂亮，”她说道，言语间带着某种惊异。“真漂亮，简直象金子一样。”

“Do you mean to sell it?” I say then. “Here, take it!” I snatch at the lock she has caught up and rip it from its pins. “You see,” I say, when she winces, “you cannot hurt me as much as I can hurt myself. Now, let me go.”

于是我说道，“你打算卖掉我的头发？来吧，拿去！”我夺过她手中抓着的头发，将发卡都摘下来。“你看清楚，”我说道，她不由得退了一步，“你折磨我的手段，还能有我折磨我自己的手段高明？现在，让我走。”

“Jigger me,” he says, “if I know which way the wind is blowing now.” He nods to me. “Ain’t she meant to be” — he hugs his arms about himself, shows his tongue, lets his eyes roll — “on a violent ward?”

“我这小玩意啊，”他说道，“如果我知道风在哪个方向吹。”他冲我扬扬头。“她不是打算去住”——他抱住胳膊，舌头吐出，眼睛骨碌碌转着。“那个疯子住的病房吗？”

The woman lifts her arm, and he winks and draws back.

那女人扬起胳膊，他眼睛眨巴着，人缩回去。

“You watch your face,” she says savagely. And then, gazing gently at me: “Miss Lilly is throwing in her fortunes with ours. Miss Lilly don’t know her own mind just yet — as who would, in her place? Miss Lilly, I daresay you ain’t had a morsel of food in hours. What we got, that will tempt you?”

“你当心你的面孔，”她恶狠狠地说道。而后，她目光温柔地望着我：“李小姐还要把她的钱财跟我们的钱财放到一处呢。只不过李小姐还不明白她自己的心意罢了——换了别人是她，也不会明白不是？李小姐，我敢说你好几个钟头了一丁点儿东西也没吃。我们该搞点什么，才好让你有食欲呢？”

She sighs. The boy looks up at her and scowls.

她太息连连。那少年抬眼望着她，面目阴郁。

She rubs her hands together. “Should you care for a mutton chop? A piece of Dutch cheese? A supper of fish? We got a stall on the corner, sells any kind of fish — you name me the breed, Dainty shall slip out, bring it back, fry it up, quick as winking. What shall it be? We got china plates, look, fit for royalty. We got silver forks — Mr Ibbs, pass me one of them forks. See here, dear. A little rough about the handle, ain’t it? Don’t mind it, darling. That’s where we takes the crest off. Feel the weight of it, though. Ain’t them prongs very shapely? There’s a Member of Parliament had his mouth about those. Shall it be fish, dear? Or the chop?”

她搓着两手。“来点碎羊肉你喜欢吗？来片荷兰奶酪？再来一条鱼？拐角上有个菜摊儿，那儿什么鱼都有——你告诉我你要吃哪种，达蒂会一阵风一样奔出去，把鱼买回来，再煎好，快得很，就一眨眼的工夫。你要吃什么鱼？我们有上好的瓷器，瞧，配得上皇上。我们有银餐具——艾伯斯先生，找把叉子拿给我。瞧这儿，亲爱的。把手上有一丁点儿毛，是吧？别管这个，亲爱的。那是我们把花纹磨掉了。但是你掂掂这分量。你不觉得这些叉子样子很好看吗？国会议员都用这些餐具吃饭呢。是吃鱼，还是吃碎羊肉，亲爱的？”

“Do you suppose,” I say, “I mean to sit and eat a supper with you? With any of you? Why, I should be ashamed to call you servants! Throw in my fortunes with yours? I should rather be beggared. I should rather die!”

“难道你以为，”我说道，“我打算坐在这里跟你共进晚餐？跟你们一起？说什么呢，把你当佣人使唤，我都羞于启齿！把我的钱财跟你们的放在一道？我宁愿去讨饭！我宁愿去死！”

She stands, bending to me, with the fork close to my face. I push it aside.

她躬身站在一旁，将叉子递到我面前，我一把推开。

But the woman shakes her head, looks almost admiring. “Dainty’s got a dander,” she answers. “Why, I’ve got one myself. Any ordinary girl can have one of them. What a lady has, they call something else. What do they call it, gentleman?” She says this to Richard, who is leaning tiredly to tug upon the ears of the slavering dog.

而那女人摇摇头，表情近乎赞赏。“达蒂那才叫撒泼，”她答道。“我自己也这样。平常人家的姑娘都会撒泼。至于千金小姐这样，他们也有说法。他们怎么说来着？绅士？”她对理查德说道，后者正疲惫地斜靠着摆弄狗耳朵。

He returns to the clasp of my bag. The man watches, and winces. “Ain’t you learned yet,” he says, “the handling of a lock? Don’t prise it, boy, and mash the levers. That’s sweet little work. You are just about to bust it.”

他转头对付我包上的锁。那男人见了，惊得一跳。他说道，“你不是还没学会如何撬锁吗？别撬那锁，孩子，把锁撬坏了。那是精细活儿，你只会把那锁捣烂掉。”

“Hauteur,” she repeats.

“Hauteur（傲慢），”她重复道。

“Hauteur,” he answers, not looking up.

“Hauteur（傲慢），”他答道，眼皮也没抬一下。

There is a second of silence; then: “Got a dander,” says the boy. “Don’t she?”

屋中一片静默；然后：“她撒泼了，”那少年说道。“不是吗？”

“Mersee,” says the boy, giving me a leer. “I should hate, after all, to have mistook it for common bad manners, and punched her.”

“Mersee（谢谢），”那少年狠狠瞥了我一眼说道。“反正，我可不喜欢被人误导，把傲慢当成没家教，更不想跟她动粗。”

I suppose my voice has some new, piteous note to it; for now they all turn their heads and study me, and the woman comes close again and again strokes my hair.

我猜我声音里有某种前所未有的凄楚情绪；因为他们齐齐将脑袋转过来，端详着我。那女人又走上前，又抚摸起我的头发。

“Please,” I say. “Please give me back my things. I shall not trouble about the policeman, if you will only give back what is mine, and let me go.”

“求求你，”我说道。“求求你把我的东西还给我。只要你把我的东西还给我，放我走，我就不去麻烦警察。”

He has taken out a pipe, and lights it. The boy puts his hands to the slit in the leather. I watch him do it and, though my cheek is still burning from the heat of the fire, I grow cold. The cutting of the bag has shocked me, more than I can say. I begin to tremble.

他取出一把烟斗，点着了。那少年手探进包的切口里。尽管我脸颊仍受壁炉的高温灼烤，眼见他的所作所为，我感到一阵寒意。包上那道切口令我深受震撼，这震撼决非言语所能形容。我不由浑身颤抖。

“Not frightened, still?” she says amazedly. “Not frightened, of John Vroom? Why, he is just being playful. — John, how dare you? Put your knife away and pass me Miss Lilly’s bag. — There. Are you sorry for it, dear? Why, it’s a creased old thing, that looks like it ain’t been used in fifty years. We shall get you a proper one. Shan’t we, though!”

“没受惊吧？”她惊奇地说道。“没被约翰。瓦儒吓着吧？犯不着呀，他就是调皮捣蛋。——约翰，你胆子不小？把你的刀子拿开，把李小姐的包给我。——放这儿。亲爱的？何苦来呢？这包皱巴巴的，是个旧包，这样子好象有五十年没用过了。我们再帮你弄个差不多的。”

“Well, that’s like you,” says the man complacently.

“行了，你净干这事儿。”那男人幸灾乐祸地说道。

The boy makes a final stab with his knife, his face darkening. “Fuck!” he says. — The first time I have ever heard the word used as a curse. He takes the point of the blade from the lock and puts it to the leather beneath, and before I can cry out and stop him he slices it, swiftly in one long gash.

那少年手中的匕首一顿，他面色渐渐阴沉，“俗人！”他说道。——我生平首次听闻人家用此话骂人。他刀尖从锁上滑开，扎进包里，趁我没来得及喊出来阻止他，他已飞快地在包上割了一道长长的口子。

“Please, Richard,” I say. “For God’s sake, isn’t it enough to have tricked me? How can you stand so coolly while they torment me?”

“求你了，理查德，”我说道。“看在上帝的份上，你耍我还没耍够吗？他们如此折磨我，你怎能袖手旁观？”

He holds my gaze, stroking his beard. Then he says to the woman: “Haven’t you a quieter place, for her to sit in?”

他直视我的眼睛，抚着胡须。然后他对那女人说道：“你有没有安静点的地方，好给她待一待？”

I am sure he says that. The words bewilder me, and I shrink away. I twist to look at Richard.

我相信他是这么说的。这些话使我不知所措，我退缩了。我转身看着理查德。

“Boo hoo,” says the boy in disgust, when he sees me swallow. He leans and leers at me again. “I liked you better,” he says, “when you was a chair.”

“呜呜，”男孩看到我咽下去，厌恶地说。他又靠在我身上，又看了我一眼。“我更喜欢你，”他说，“你当椅子的时候。”

“Well, we shall put you at the window; and you shall see the street from there. Come up, my darling. Let me take that old bag. — Want to keep it? All right. Ain’t your grip a strong one! Gentleman, you come along too, why don’t you? You’ll take your old room, at the top?”

“也好，我们会带你到窗边；从窗户里你就能看到街道了。来吧，我亲爱的。让我来拿那个旧包。——想拿在身边？好的。你手可真有劲儿！绅士，你也一道来，为什么不呢？你住你原先的房间，顶上那间？”

“A quieter place?” she answers. “Why, I have a room made ready. I only supposed Miss Lilly should like to warm her face first down here. Should you like to come up dear, now? Make your hair neat? Wash your hands?”

“安静点的地方？”她答道。“干吗？我有一个房间已经收拾好了。我就觉得李小姐，你不想上来看看吗，亲爱的，就现在？洗洗头发？洗洗手？”

The boy makes a show of grumbling but gives up the bag; and when the woman hands it to me I take it and hug it. There are tears, rising in my throat.

那少年作势抖了一阵，却还是放下了包；等那女人将包交还我，我抓过来紧紧抱住。泪水涌到喉咙口。

“I should like to be shown to the street, and a hackney,” I answer, “Only that, only that.”

“我想看到街道，和出租马车，”我答道。“尽此而已，尽此而已。”

The staircase is narrow, and bare of carpet; here and there, on the steps, are chipped china cups half-filled with water, holding floating wicks, casting shadows.

楼梯很窄，没铺地毯；楼梯上随处摆着些瓷杯，杯上都有豁口，杯中盛着半杯水，蜡烛头漂浮其中，烛光摇弋，人影幢幢。

“I will,” he answers, “if you’ll have me. For the wait.”

“如果你需要我效劳，我就上来。”他答道。“静候吩咐。”

They exchange a glance. She has put her hands upon me and, in drawing from her grasp, I have risen. Richard comes and stands close. I shrink from him, too, and between them — as a pair of dogs might menace a sheep into a pen — they guide me from the kitchen, through one of the doors, towards a staircase. Here it is darker and cooler, and I feel the draught perhaps of a street-door, and slow my steps; but I think, too, of what the woman has said, about the window: I imagine I might call from it, or drop from it — or fling myself from it — should they try to hurt me.

他们交换了一个眼神。她将手搭在我身上，为摆脱她的手，我站起身来。理查德走过来逼住我。我又躲开他，就夹在他们之间——就好似两只狗将一只绵羊逼进羊圈——他们夹着我从一扇门里走出厨房，朝着一段楼梯过去。此处更黑更冷，我感觉到气流潜动，也许是从一扇临街的门吹进来的；我放慢了脚步；而我也在盘算着那女人此前的言语，她说的那扇窗：我想我能从窗户里呼救，或者掉下去，或者跳窗而逃——假使他们伤害我。

At the top there are doors, all shut: the woman opens the first, and shows me through it to a small square room. A bed, a wash-hand stand, a box, a chest of drawers, a horse-hair screen — and a window, to which I instantly cross. It is narrow, and has a bleached net scarf hung before it. The hasp has been broken long ago: the sashes are fixed together with nails. The view is of a slip of muddy street, a house with ointment-coloured shutters with heart-shaped holes, a wall of brick, with loops and spirals marked upon it in yellow chalks.

楼梯到顶，有许多房门，统统关着：那女人打开第一扇门，向我展示门里那间四四方方的小房间。房中有一张床，一个洗手台，一个箱子，一个橱柜，和一具马鬃屏风——还有一扇窗，我一见到就径直走过去。那扇窗颇窄小，窗前挂着一块洗得发白的网眼披肩，窗上的搭扣早就坏了：扇页用钉子牢牢钉死。窗户上巴掌大的地方能看到外面，外面是泥泞的街道，一座带油膏色百叶窗的宅子，百叶窗上满是心型的孔，砖墙上用黄色的石膏粉描出圆环和螺旋花样。

“Lift your skirts, dear, above the flames,” says the woman, going up before me. Richard comes, very close, behind.

“把裙子提起来，亲爱的，提到火苗上面，”那女人走在前面说道。理查德紧随我身后。

I stand and study it all, my bag still clutched to me, but my arms growing heavy. I hear Richard pause, then climb a second set of stairs; then he walks about the room above my head. The woman crosses to the wash-hand stand and pours a little water from the jug into the bowl. Now I see my mistake, in coming so quickly to the window: for she stands between me and the door. She is stout, and her arms are thick. I think I might push her aside, however, if I was to surprise her.

我站在窗前，细细看过来，我的包还抱在怀里，而我的胳膊却愈来愈沉。我听到理查德停了一下，然后走上第二段楼梯；然后听到他在我头顶那间房里度步。那女人径直走到洗手台前，拿起水壶往盆中倒了点水。这时，我发现了自己的失误，我错在一进来就直奔窗前：她倒正好站在我和门之间了。她颇健硕，臂膀也颇粗壮。然而，我想假使我吓她一跳，或许也能将她推到一边。

Perhaps she is thinking the same thing. Her hands are hovering about the wash-hand stand, her head is tilted, but she is watching me, in the same close, eager, half-awed, half-admiring way as before.

也许她也在思谋同样的事。她的手在洗手台上忙活，头歪着，却依然如先前那般，以某种亲近、热切，又半是敬畏，半是欣赏的方式留意着我。

“Here’s scented soap,” she says. “And here’s a comb. Here’s a hair-brush.” I say nothing. “Here’s a towel for your face. Here’s eau-de-Cologne.” She draws the stopper from the bottle and the liquid slops. She comes to me, her wrist bared and made wet with a sickening perfume. “Don’t you care,” she says, “for lavender?”

“这是香皂，”她说道。“这是梳子。这是发刷。”我没言语。“这是擦脸的手巾。这是科隆香水。”她拔下瓶塞，瓶中的香水溅出来。她走上前来，撩开自己腕部的袖子，往手腕上涂了些香水，那气味令人昏然欲呕。“你不喜欢，”她说道。“熏衣草的味道吗？”

I have stepped away from her, and look at the door. From the kitchen, the boy’s voice comes very clearly: ” You tart!”

我自她身边站开几步，望着门。那少年的声音清晰地由厨房传来：“你个婊子！”

“Do you think I meant to come here? Do you think I mean to stay?”

“你以为我原本是打算来这儿吗？你以为我打算留在这儿吗？”

She steps, too. “What trickery, darling?”

她也跟上一步。“什么作弄？亲爱的？”

“I don’t care,” I say, taking another step, “to be tricked.”

“我不喜欢。”我又行了一步，说道。“给人作弄。”

“I think you are only startled. I think you ain’t quite yourself.”

“我想你只是受了惊吓。我觉得你还不完全是你自己。”

“Not quite myself? What’s myself to you? Who are you, to say how I might or might not be?”

“不完全是我自己？我是何人又干卿何事？你是什么东西？也配说我的是非？”

At that, her gaze falls. She draws her sleeve over her wrist, returns to the wash’hand stand, touches again the soap, the comb, the brush and towel. Downstairs, a chair is drawn across the floor, something is thrown or falls, the dog barks. Upstairs, Richard walks, coughs, mutters.

听闻此言，她垂下眼帘。她将手腕上撩起的袖子褪下，转身走到洗手台前，又整理起肥皂，梳子，发刷和手巾。楼下传来拖动椅子的声音，从这边拖到那边，有什么东西掉在地上，要么是给人扔到地上了，狗叫起来。楼上，理查德度来度去，时而咳嗽，时而嘀咕。

If I am to run, I must do it now. Which way shall I go? Down, down, the way I have come. Which was the door, at the bottom, that they led me through? — the second, or the first? I am not sure. Never mind, I think. Go now! But I do not. The woman lifts her face, catches my eye, I hesitate; and in the moment of that hesitation Richard crosses his floor and steps heavily down the stairs. He comes into the room. He has a cigarette behind his ear. He has rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, and his beard is dark with water.

假使我要跑，那我必须现在就跑。我该拣哪条路跑？下楼，下楼去，就走我来时的那条路。他们从带我一楼过来，走得是哪扇门？——第二扇，还是第三扇？我拿不准。顾不上了，我心想。现在就走！可我没走。那女人抬起脸，盯着我的眼睛，我犹豫了；正在犹豫间，理查德穿过他的房间走下楼来。他进了屋，耳朵上夹了根香烟，袖子挽到肘部，胡子沾了水，颜色深沉了些。

“Take your cloak off, Maud,” he says.

“把斗篷脱了，莫德。”他说道。

He closes the door, and locks it.

他关上门，还上了锁。

“And do you think,” I answer, “I will trust you not to? You told me yourself, at Briar, what lengths you will go to, for money’s sake. I wish I had listened harder, then! Tell me now you don’t mean to cheat me of all my fortune. Tell me you shan’t get it, through Sue. I suppose you will fetch her, after some slight delay. She will be cured, I suppose.” My heart contracts. “Clever Sue. Good girl.”

“那你以为，”我答道，“我会信你不是为了害我？你在布莱尔亲口告诉我，为了钱，你会做出多么出格的事。，那我希望我听到的是言过其实的话！现在你敢跟我说你没有预谋要把我所有钱财骗到手？说你没有假苏之手达到你的目的？我估计稍迟点的时候，你就好跟她会合了。我估计你们会把她救出来。”我的心揪紧了。“聪明的苏，多好的姑娘。”

Richard watches me and sighs. He makes his eyes wide. “You need not,” he says, “look so like a rabbit. Do you think I would bring you all this way, to hurt you?”

理查德望着我，叹了一口气。他睁大眼睛。“你实在不必，”他说道，“象只兔子一样啊。你以为我费尽周折带你出来，是为加害于你？”

I think: He is going to strangle me.

我心想：他要来掐死我了。

“Shut up, Maud.”

“闭嘴，莫德。”

I keep my cloak quite fastened, and move backwards, slowly, away from him and from the woman, back to the window. I will smash it with my elbow if I must. I will shriek into the street.

我手紧紧抓住斗篷，一步步后退，直退到窗前。如果有必要，我会用肘将窗击得粉碎。我会对着街道尖叫。

“Why? So you may kill me in silence? Go on and do it. Then live with the deed upon your conscience. I suppose you have one?”

“为什么？我闭嘴，方便你悄无声息地干掉我？来吧干吧。干完了就可以揣着你的丰功伟绩，心安理得地过下去。我猜你也是有良心的？”

“Not one,” he says, quickly and lightly, “that would be troubled by the murder of you, I assure you.” He presses his fingers to his eyes. “Mrs Sucksby, however, would not like it.”

“有啊，”他轻松又迅速地说道，“不过不会为谋害了你而感到不安，我向你保证。”他手捂住双眼。“不过，萨克丝贝太太不会喜欢这个结果。”

“Everything in this case.” He says it meaningfully; and when I hesitate, not understanding, he goes on: “Listen to me, Maud. The scheme was hers, all of it. From start to finish, hers. And, villain that I am, I am not so great a swindler that I would swindle her of that.”

“在这桩买卖里，我怎样都肯。”他此番言语颇有深意；见我有所犹疑，无法理解，他继续说道：“听我说，莫德。这个计划是她的，都是她想出来的。从头到尾，都是她。而且，我是个奸恶之人，却远非高明的骗子手，更不会在此事上，对她有所欺瞒。”

“Her,” I say, with a glance at the woman. She is still gazing at the soap, the brush, not speaking. “You do everything, at her word?”

“她，”我看那女人一眼，说道。她还盯着那肥皂和发刷，没说话。“你什么都肯做，只要她发话？”

His face seems honest — but then, it has seemed honest to me before.

他满脸诚实——然而此时，这于我而言，已恍若隔世。

“No. This is the truth.”

“不。这是真的。”

“Her scheme.” I cannot believe it. “She that sent you to Briar, to my uncle? And before that, to Paris? To Mr Hawtrey?”

“她策划一切，”我无法理解。“是她让你去布莱尔，去找我舅舅？在你去布莱尔之前，也是她让你去巴黎，去会霍粹先生？”

“You are lying,” I say.

“你在说谎，”我说道。

“She that sent me to you. No matter all the twisting paths I took to reach you. I might have taken them anyway, and not known what lay at the end of them. I might have passed you by! Perhaps many men have. They have not had Mrs Sucksby, guiding their steps.”

“是她把我带到你身边。且不论，我为接近你而费了那许多周折。其实，我自己会料理这许多周折，我也并不知道，费了这许多周折，最后结果如何。我也许会跟你擦肩而过！也许，已有很多男人错过了你。他们没有萨克丝贝太太，没她指导他们该如何行事。”

I glance between them. “She knew of my fortune, then,” I say after a moment. “So anyone might, I suppose. She knew — who? My uncle? Some servant of the house?”

我眼睛来回望着他二人。“那么，她知道我的财富喽，”停了一会儿，我说道。“所以，她可能认识什么人，我估计——会是谁呢？我舅舅？那宅子里的仆人？”

My mother! I came to London to escape her. Now all at once, I think of her grave in the park at Briar — untended, untrimmed, its white stone creeping with grey.

我母亲！为了摆脱她，我来到伦敦。此时此刻，我立即想起她在布莱尔花园中的墓地——无人照应，无人修剪，那白色墓石慢慢变成灰色。

“She knew you, Maud, you; before almost anyone.”

“她认识你，莫德，是你；几乎比所有人都早认识你。”

My mother! My hand goes to my throat — a curious thing, for my mother’s portrait lies with my jewels, its ribbon fraying, I have not worn it in years.

我母亲！我手扶住咽喉处——奇异的事物，我母亲的画像跟我的珠宝放在一道，那丝带磨得起了毛边，我很多年没戴那画像了。

The woman lifts her eyes to mine again at last, and nods. “I knew your mother,” she says.

最后，那女人直视着我的眼睛，并点头称是。“我认识你母亲。”她说道。

“I don’t believe you,” I say. “My mother? What was her name? — tell me that.”

“我才不信你，”我说道。“我母亲？她叫什么名字？说给我听听。”

She begins to look sly. “I know it,” she says, “but won’t say it just yet. I’ll tell you the letter that started it, though. That was a M, like what starts your name. I’ll tell you the second letter. That was a A. — Why, that’s like your name, too! The next letter, though, is where they runs off different. That was a R…”

她神色狡黠。“我知道，”她说道，“可是现在还不能说。不过我可以告诉你打头的字母。是M，跟你名字的打头字母一样。我也可以告诉你第二个字母。是A——怎么会，也跟你名字一样！不过后边的字母呢，就不一样了。是个R…”

She knows it, I know she knows it. How can she? I study her face — her eye, her lip. They seem familiar to me. What is it? Who is she?

她知道我母亲的名字，我明白她知道我母亲的名字。我端详着她的面孔——她的眼睛，她的嘴。她看起来颇为面熟。怎么回事？她是谁？

The woman still watches. I let my hand drop.

那女人仍望着我。我垂下头。

“You don’t know everything, then!” I say. “You don’t know that I was born in a madhouse!”

“那你就什么都不知道！”我说道。“你不知道我是在疯人院里出生的！”

“We keeps that room,” she goes on, in the same light, friendly, dangerous tone, “for Gentleman to kip in when he comes. A very high, out-of-the-way sort of room it is, I can tell you. Seen all manner of business up there; all sorts of tricks. People been known to come here, rather quiet” — she pretends surprise — “why, just as you have come! — to spend a day, two days, two weeks, who knows how long? tucked away up there. Chaps, maybe, that the Police would like a word with. Can’t be found — do you see? — when they come here. Chaps, girls, kids, ladies…” After this last word she pauses.

“我们留着那个房间，”她继续以舒缓和善，却蕴涵危险意味的声音说道，“如果绅士来了，就给他睡觉。我可以告诉你，那间屋子非常高，非常与众不同。那儿高高在上，可以看到这里的一切，所有的交易；所有的花招。来这儿的人，都特别安静地”——她故作惊异——“对了，就跟你刚才来时一样！——窝在上面，待个一两天，一两周，谁知道会待多久？家伙，也许，警察更喜欢叫他们小伙子。等他们到了这儿，你瞧见没？就再也找不到了。小伙子们，姑娘们，孩子们，千金小姐们——”在最后一个字上，她停住话头。她拍拍身边的床铺。“你不坐吗？亲爱的姑娘？不喜欢坐？嗯？可能等下就喜欢了。”

“Find your room all right?” He nods.

“你的房间还好吗？”他点点头。

“Every one of my uncle’s servants knows it!”

“我舅舅家每个佣人都知道！”

But she shakes her head, almost smiles. “Now, why should I have been that?”

但是她摇摇头，快笑出来了。“好了，为什么我以前得是个护士？”

“I should say you remember the place you lived in when you was little. Why, so do we all. Don’t mean we was born there.”

“我应该说你记得你小时侯住过的地方。这有什么，我们大伙都是这样的。这并不代表我们生于那些地方。”

“You was told it, I expect.”

“你是别人教的，我估计。”

“I was, I know it,” I say.

“我是的，我知道。”我说道。

“They was told it, too, perhaps. Does that make it true? Maybe. Maybe not.”

“可能，他们也是别人教的。这样说说就是真的了？也许是，也许不是。”

“Was you?” she answers quickly. “Why do you say so?”

“是吗？”她飞快地答道。“你为什么要说这个？”

“You think I don’t remember my own home?”

“你以为我不记得我自己的家？”

As she speaks, she moves from the wash-hand stand to the bed, and sits upon it, slowly and heavily. She looks at Richard. She puts her hand to her ear, and strokes the lobe. With a show of lightness she says, “Find your room all right, Gentleman?” — I have guessed at last that this is some name he goes by here, among the thieves.

她望着理查德。她手伸到耳边，摩挲着耳垂。用一种轻缓的声音说道，“你的房间还可以吧？绅士？”——我终于明白过来，这是他在这儿的称呼，蟊贼中间用的。

She gazes at me again.

她又凝视着我。

“A nurse,” I say. “You were a nurse –“

“护士，”我说道。“你以前是个护士——”

“Now, what was I speaking of?” she says, her eyes on mine.

“对了，我说到哪儿了？”她直视我的眼睛说道。

She pats the space at her side. “Won’t you sit, dear girl? Don’t care to? Hmm? Perhaps in a minute, then.” The bed has a blanket upon it — a quilt of coloured squares, roughly knitted, and roughly sewn together. She begins to pluck at one of its seams, as if in distraction.

床上铺了条毯子——花花绿绿的方块潦草地拼凑一下，再潦草地缝制而成。她动手摘掉一根毯子上的线头，仿佛有些心烦意乱。

“Of ladies,” says Richard.

“说到千金小姐了，”理查德说道。

She waits. But I have grown still, and cold, and cautious, and say nothing. So then she goes on.

她等我开口。而我已平静下来，正觉得又冷又好奇，就没接她的话头。于是她继续说下去。

She moves her hand, lifts her finger. “Of ladies,” she says. “That’s right. Of course, there come so few true ladies, you find they rather sticks in the mind. I remember one, particular, that came — oh, how long ago? Sixteen years? Seventeen? Eighteen…?” She watches my face. “Seems a long time to you, sweetheart, I dare say. Seems a lifetime, don’t it? Only wait, dear girl, till you are my age. The years all run together, then. All run together, like so many tears…”

“千金小姐，没错。当然，真正的千金小姐很少见，你会发现他们都是木头脑袋。我记得这么一位，挺特别的，——噢，多少年前了？十六年前？十七年前？还是十八…？”她望着我的脸。“我敢说，在你眼里，这好象是好久以前的事了，甜心。简直就是一辈子，不是吗？就等着吧，亲爱的姑娘，等你到了我这个年纪，就明白了，这些年月都混在一起了。都混在一起了，就好象泪珠儿…”

She gives a jerk of her head, draws in her breath in a backwards sigh, quick and rueful.

她脑袋激灵一下，深深吸一口气，又飞快呼出来，颇有些沮丧。

“Well, this particular lady,” she says, “she wasn’t much older than you are now. But wasn’t she in a fix? She had got my name from a woman in the Borough, that did girls and their complaints. You know what I am saying, dear? Made girls be poorly, in the regular way, when their poorliness had stopped?” She moves her hand, makes a face. “I never bothered with that. That was out of my line. My idea was, if it wasn’t going to kill you on its way out, then have it, and sell it; or what’s better, give it to me and let me sell it for you! — I mean, to people that want infants, for servants or apprentices, or for regular sons and daughters. Did you know, dear girl, that there were people in the world, like that? — and people like me, providing the infants? No?” Again, I make no answer. Again she moves her hand. “Well, perhaps this lady I am speaking of now didn’t know it either, till she came to me. Poor thing. The Borough woman had tried to help her, but she was too far on, she had only got sick. “Where’s your husband?” I said, before I took her in. “Where’s your ma? Where’s all your people? Won’t follow you here, will they?” She said they wouldn’t. She had no husband — that was her trouble, of course. Her mother was dead. She had run away from a great, grand house, forty miles from London — up-river, she said…” She nods, still keeping her eyes on mine. I have grown colder than ever. “Her father and her brother were looking for her, and seemed likely to just about kill her; but would never find their way to the Borough, she swore it. As for the gentleman that had started her troubles all off, by saying he loved her — well, he had a wife and a kiddie of his own, and had given her up as ruined, and washed his hands. — As gentlemen, of course, will do.”

“对了，这个挺特别的小姐，”她说道，“她比你现在的年纪大不了多少。她从镇子上一个女人那里打听到我的名字，我专治姑娘身上的妇科病。你明白我说的是什么吧？亲爱的？如果她们月事停了，就用牢靠的办法帮她们排忧解难。”她挥挥手，做了个鬼脸。“我从来不觉得这事不妥。那可不对我的路数。我的想法是，只要孩子出手的时候，你没有象要自己的命一样难受，那就不妨把孩子留下，再卖掉；要么孩子给我，让我帮你卖掉，那倒更好！——我是说，卖给想要孩子的人，卖给他们当仆人或者学徒，或者就当自家儿子和女儿。以前听说过吗？亲爱的姑娘，世界上还有这样的人？——还有象我这样，专门卖孩子的人？没听说过吧？”我再次缄默以对。她再次挥挥手。“对了，也许我这会儿讲到的这位千金小姐，她也不知道这些呢，等她来找到我，她就知道了。倒霉啊。镇子上的女人想帮帮她，可是来不及了，她只能硬着头皮把孩子生下来。收留她之前，我问她，”你丈夫呢？你妈妈呢？你家人都在哪儿？他们没跟着来吗？“她说他们不会来的。她没有丈夫——当然，这也正是她的麻烦所在。她母亲去世了。她从一幢豪宅里跑出来，那宅子离伦敦四十哩远，就在河上游的地方，她还说…”她点着头，双眼仍旧直视着我的眼睛。我比先前更加冷了。“她父亲和兄弟在找她，好象还要杀了她；可是他们从没来镇上找过，她没泄露行踪。至于说，那个口口声声说爱她，却让她麻烦缠身的男人——对，他自己早就有老婆孩子了，玩完她，就把她扔了，洗洗手，又重新做人。——当然了，就象正人君子应该做的那样。”

“This lady had money. I took her, and put her upstairs. Perhaps I oughtn’t to have done it. Mr Ibbs did say I oughtn’t to. For I had five or six babies in the house already, and was worn out and fretful — more fretful, through having just borne a little infant of my own, that had died –” Here her look changes, and she waves a hand before her eyes. “I won’t talk of that, however. I won’t talk of that.”

“这位小姐有钱。我收留了她，让她住在楼上。也许我不该这么做。艾伯斯先生说我不该如此行事。因为当时家里已经有五、六个孩子，我累得筋疲力尽，还伤心得要命——真伤心呀，我自己刚生了孩子，孩子又死了——”说到此处，她神情变了，手挡在眼前挥了挥。“不过不说这个了。不说这个了。”

“Which, in a line like mine, you say thank heavens for!” She smiles, almost winks.

“什么，长得象我？你快说谢天谢地吧！”她面露微笑，眼波流动。

She swallows and looks about her for a moment, as if in search of the fallen threads of her story. Then she seems to find them. The confusion passes from her face, she catches my eye again, then gestures upwards. I glance, with her, at the ceiling. It is a dirty yellow, marked grey with the smoke of lamps.

她咽了下唾沫，四下里看看，仿佛在寻找她跌落的话头。然后，她似乎找到了话头。脸上一扫迷糊神情，又望定我的眼睛，随即抬眼朝上望去。我目光随她看到天花板。那天花板是黄色的，颇肮脏，还有汽灯烟熏出的灰色印子。

“Up there we put her,” she says, “in Gentleman’s room. And all day long I would sit beside her and hold her hand, and every night I would hear her turning in her bed, and crying. Nearly broke your heart. She had no more harm in her than milk does. I supposed she might die. Mr Ibbs supposed it. I think even she supposed it, for she was meant to go another two months, and anyone could see that she wouldn’t have the strength to go half that time. But maybe the baby knew it, too — they do know, sometimes. For we only have her here a week, before her water busts and it starts coming. Takes a day and a night. Means to come, all right! Even so, it’s a shrimp of a thing, but the lady — being so poorly already — is quite made rags of. Then she hears her baby cry, and picks up her head from her pillow. “What’s that, Mrs Sucksby?” she says.

“我们就把她安置在这上面。”她说道，“在绅士的房间里。我一整天都得坐在她身边，抓着她的手，每天晚上，我都能听到她翻来覆去的，还哭呢。那动静，真能让你心碎。她心地纯净的象牛奶一样，一点儿恶意也没有。我以为她要死了。艾伯斯先生也以为。我想就连她自己都这么以为，因为，她原打算再撑两个月，谁都看得出，她连撑一个月的力气也没了。不过，或许孩子也知道了——有时候，娘胎里的孩子就是知道。我们收留她之后，只过了一周，她羊水就破了，孩子要出来了。孩子想出来呀，正好！尽管如此，这孩子生出来，还是个弱不禁风的小东西，而那位小姐——已经这么倒霉了——都病的不成样子啦。这时，她听到孩子的哭声，从枕头上抬起头问，”那是什么，萨克丝贝太太？

“That’s your baby, my dear!” I tell her.

“是你的小宝贝，我亲爱的！”我告诉她。

“My baby?” says she. “Is my baby a boy, or a girl?”

“我的孩子？”她说道。“我的孩子是个男孩吗？还是女孩？”

“It’s a girl,” I say. And when she hears that she cries out with all her lungs: ‘Then God help her! For the world is cruel to girls. I wish she had died, and me with her!'”

“是个女孩，”我说道。当她听说是个女孩，她用尽全身力气哭出来：“那上帝保佑她了！这世界对女孩来说，太残酷了！我希望她死掉，我也随她一起死！”

She shakes her head, lifts her hands, lets them fall upon her knees. Richard leans against the door. The door has a hook, with a silk dressing-gown hanging from it: he has taken up the belt of the gown and is idly pass-ing it across his mouth. His eyes are on mine, their lids a little lowered; his look is unreadable.

她摇着头，抬起手，又放到膝盖上。理查德站在门边，斜靠着门。门上有个衣钩，挂着件丝质长袍：他取下袍上的衣带，悠闲地放在嘴边蹭来蹭去。他眼睛望着我，眼皮耷拉着，神色莫测。

From the kitchen below us there comes laughter and a ragged shrieking. The woman listens, gives another of those backwards, rueful sighs.

从我们脚下的厨房里，传来笑声和一声尖叫，象是谁被欺负了。那女人听了，又深深吸一口气，长长地吐出来。

“There’s Dainty, crying again…” She rolls her eyes. “But how I have run on! — haven’t I, Miss Lilly? Not finding me tiresome, dear? Ain’t much to hold the interest, perhaps, in these old tales…”

“是达蒂，又哭了…”她眼珠转转。“可现在我正说到紧要处！——不是吗？李小姐？不觉得我无聊吧？亲爱的？也许，这些陈年往事，才最引人入迷。”

“Go on,” I say. My mouth is dry, and sticks. “Go on, about the woman.”

“继续，”我说道。我口干舌燥。“继续说，说这个女人。”

“The lady, what had the little girl? Such a slight little scrap of a girl, she was: fair haired, blue-eyed — well, they all come out blue, of course; and brown up, later…”

“这位小姐，如何处置这个小宝贝呢？这么丁点大的一个小姑娘，她长着金黄头发，蓝眼睛——对了，孩子们出生的时候，当然都是蓝眼睛；后来长大了…”

“Wished her dead?” She moves her head. “So she said. So women do say, sometimes. And sometimes they mean it. Not her, though. That child was everything to her, and when I said she had much better give her up to me, than keep her, she grew quite wild. “What, you don’t mean to raise her yourself?” I said. “You, a lady, without a husband?” She said she would pass herself off as a widow — meant to go abroad, where no-one knew her, and make her living as a seamstress. “I’ll see my daughter married to a poor man before she knows my shame,” she said. “I’m through with the quality life.” That was her one thought, poor thing, that no amount of sensible talking from me could shake her of: that she would sooner see her girl live low but honest, than give her back to the world of money she come from. She meant to start for France so soon as her strength was all back — and I’ll tell you this now, I thought she was a fool; but I would have cut my own arm to help her, she was that simple and good.”

“想她孩子死掉？”她头动一动。“她是这么说的。有的时候，女人是会这么说的。而且，有时候，她们真这么想。不过她不是。那个孩子是她的全部，当我跟她说起，她自己带着孩子，还不如把孩子交给我，她就变的非常疯狂。我说，‘什么，你不是打算自己养活她吧？你，一个没丈夫的千金小姐？’她说她会象寡妇一样度尽余生——她想去国外，那儿没人认得她，她靠做裁缝谋生。她说，‘在我女儿知道我的丑事之前，我可以看着她嫁给一个穷汉，我也算活过了。’那是她的一个想法，可怜的人儿啊，我好说歹说，一点儿也动摇不了她的想法：她宁可马上看到她女儿过着贫贱却诚实的生活，也不肯将女儿送回她原先那个金钱世界。她打算身体一复原，就启程去法国——现在我跟你说，我当时觉得她是个傻瓜；不过只要能帮到她，舍掉一条膀子我也愿意。她那么单纯，那么善良。”

She looks, meaningfully, into my own brown eyes. I blink, and colour. But my voice I make flat. “Go on,” I say again. “I know you mean to tell me. Tell me now. The woman wished her daughter dead. What then?”

她意味深长地望着我，直望进我褐色的双眼。我佯装不见，脸却红了。我使自己声音波澜不兴。“继续说，”我又说道。“我知道你想告诉我。现在就说吧。这女人想让她女儿死掉。然后呢？”

She sighs. “But it’s the simple and the good that are meant to suffer in this world — ain’t it, though! She kept very weak, and her baby hardly grew. Still she talked, all the time, of France, it was all she thought of; until one night, I was putting her into her bed when there comes a knocking on our kitchen door. It’s the woman, from the Borough, what first put her on to me: I see her face, and know there’s trouble. There is. What do you think? The lady’s pa and brother have tracked her down after all. “They’re coming,” says the woman. “Lord help me, I never meant to tell them where you was; but the brother had a cane, and whipped me.” She shows me her back, and it’s black. “They’ve gone for a coach,” she says, “and a bully to help them. I should say you’ve an hour. Get your lady out now, if she means to go. Try to hide her and they’ll pull your house apart!” “Well!” The poor lady had followed me down and heard it all, and started shrieking. “Oh, I’m done for!” she said. “Oh, if I might only have got to France!” — but the trip downstairs had half-killed her, she was so weak. “They’ll take my baby!” she said. “They’ll take her and make her theirs! They’ll put her in their great house, they might as well lock her into a tomb! They’ll take her, and turn her heart against me — oh! and I haven’t even named her! I haven’t even named her!” That’s all she would say. “I haven’t even named her!” — “Name her now, then!” I said, just to make her be quiet. “Name her quick, while you still got the chance.” “I will!” she said. “But, what name shall I give her?” “Well,” I said, “think on: she’s to be a lady after all, there’s no helping it now. Give her a name that’ll fit her. What’s your own name? Give her that.” Then she looked dark. She said, “My name’s a hateful one, I’d sooner curse her before I let anyone call her Marianne –“”

她连声叹息，“话虽这么说，可这世界上，也就是单纯的人和善良的人，才会吃苦头——不是吗？她身子一直很虚弱，她的小宝贝几乎就不长个儿。她还是时时刻刻念叨着她的法国，她心里想的念的都是法国；直到有一天晚上，我正服侍她上床睡觉，厨房里就传来敲门声。那是镇子上的一个女人，就是介绍她来我这儿的那个女人：我一看她的面孔，就知道大事不妙。还真的是。你觉得会是什么？那小姐的爹和兄弟，到底还是摸上门了。那女的说，‘他们就快到了，老天有眼，我原本不想告诉他们你在哪儿；可她那个兄弟有根藤条，他拿藤条抽我。’她给我看她的背，她背上给人抽得都变黑了。她说，‘他们已经坐着马车来了，还有个恶霸在帮着他们。我得说你还有一个钟头的时间。如果她想走，你就赶紧把她弄走吧。要敢窝藏她，他们就会把你房子都拆了！’好了！那可怜的小姐跟在我后面下了楼，这些话她都听到了，她惊叫一声。‘噢，我多不中用啊！’她说道。‘噢，我要是先逃到法国就好了！’——可下一段楼梯，就要了她半条命，她太虚弱了。‘他们要抢走我的孩子！’她说道。‘他们要抢走孩子，把孩子变成他们的！他们要把孩子关进他们的大房子，他们甚至会把孩子锁到坟墓里！他们要抢走孩子，还教孩子恨我——噢！我都还没给孩子起名字！我都还没给孩子起名字！’她就会说这么一句了。‘我都还没给孩子起名字！’——我说，‘那现在就给她取一个！’我就想让她平静点。‘趁你现在还有机会，快给她取个名儿！’她说，‘我会的！可是，我该给她取个什么名字呢？’我说，‘想想看吧：现在没法子了，她终究要长成一个富家小姐。给她取个适合她的名字。你自己叫什么来着？就用你的名字。’然后她脸色阴暗下来，‘我的名字是个叫人痛恨的名字，在我允许别人叫她玛莉安娜之前，我自己先会诅咒她——’”

“Rings may be got,” she says, “from just about anywhere.”

“到哪儿都能弄到项圈。”她说道。

She stops, seeing my face. It has jumped, or twisted — though I have known that the story must reach this point, and have stood, feeling my breath come shorter, my stomach grow sourer, as the tale proceeds. I draw in my breath. “It’s not true,” I say. “My mother, coming here, without a husband? My mother was mad. My father was a soldier. I have his ring. Look here, look here!”

她停住，看着我的脸。这故事跌宕曲折——尽管我已明白，这故事终归会到这一幕。我站在原地，感到自己的呼吸随故事发展变得急促，胃里也涌出酸水。我吸了一口气。“这不是真的。”我说道。“我母亲，来到这里，未婚生子？我母亲是个疯子。我父亲是个军人。我有他的项圈，看这里！”

I have gone to my bag, and I stoop to it, and pull at the torn leather and find the little square of linen that holds my jewels. There is the ring that they gave me in the madhouse: I hold it up. My hand is shaking. Mrs Sucksby studies it and shrugs.

我走到包前蹲下来，用力拉开包上那道切口，翻出那个包着珠宝的小亚麻手绢。那就是他们在疯人院里给我的项圈，我取出来，手颤抖着。萨克丝贝太太仔细端详着项圈，耸了耸肩。

“From him,” I say.

“是他留给我的。”我说道。

“From anywhere. I could get you ten like that, have them atamped V. R. — Would that make them the Queen’s?”

“到处都能弄到。这样的玩意儿，我能给你搞到十个，在上面打上V.R的印记——这样就能把这玩意儿变成真的了？”

I cannot answer. For what do I know about where rings come from, and how they may be stamped? I say again, more weakly, “My mother coming here, without a husband. Ill, and coming here. My father — My uncle –” I look up. “My uncle. Why should my uncle lie?”

我无言以对。因为，我怎会知道项圈来自何处，又如何打上烙印？我语气弱了些，又说道，“我母亲来到这儿，未婚生子。生着病，来到这儿。我父亲——我舅舅——”我想起来了。“我舅舅。他何必要说谎？”

“Why should he tell the truth?” says Richard, coming forward, speaking at last. “I dare swear his sister was honest enough, before her ruin, and only unlucky; but that’s the sort of unluckiness — well, that a man doesn’t care to talk about too freely…”

“他为什么要说真相？”理查德走上前来，最后开口说道。“我敢发誓，他妹妹在崩溃之前，还是够诚实可信的，就是不走运；但是那种厄运——算了，那是一个男人不喜欢太过随意谈论到的…”

I gaze again at the ring. There is a cut upon it I liked, as a girl, to suppose made by a bayonet. Now the gold feels light, as if pierced and made hollow.

我又盯着项圈。上面有一道划痕，出于女孩的想象，我曾以为那是刺刀留下的痕迹。此时这金子轻飘飘的，仿佛被刺穿了，里面是中空的。

“My mother,” I say, doggedly, “was mad. She bore me, strapped to a table. — No.” I put my hands to my eyes. “That part, perhaps, was my own fancy. But not the rest. My mother was mad — was kept in the cell of a madhouse; and I was made to be mindful of her example, lest I should follow it.”

“我母亲，”我固执地说道，“是个疯子，她被绑在一张桌子上，生下了我。——不。”我手捂住双眼。“那一段，也许，是我自己的幻想。不过其他的不是。我母亲是个疯子，被关在疯人院的病房里；我被灌输，不可遗忘她的先例，以免重蹈覆辙。”

“She was certainly, once they had got her, put in a cell,” says Richard; “as we know girls are, from time to time, for the satisfaction of gentlemen. — Well, no more of that, just yet.” He has caught Mrs Sucksby’s eye. “And you were certainly kept in fear of following her, Maud. And what did that do to you? — save make you anxious, obedient, careless of your own comforts — in other words, exactly fit you to your uncle’s fancy? Didn’t I tell you once, what a scoundrel he was?”

“他们一旦抓住她，把她关进病房，她当然就是了。”理查德说道。“据我们所知，有时候，姑娘们得让绅士们满足一下。——好了，再别说那个了，点到即止。”他看着萨克丝贝太太的眼睛。“你原先，肯定也一直害怕步她的后尘，莫德。那对你还有什么别的影响呢？除了令你焦虑，顺从，漠视你自己权益——换句话说，恰好符合你舅舅的理想？我以前不是跟你说过一次，你舅舅是个什么样儿的恶棍吗？”

“No mistake,” answers Mrs Sucksby.

“没搞错，”萨克丝贝太太答道。

“You are wrong,” I say. “You are wrong, or mistaken.”

“你错了，”我说道。“你错了，要不就是你搞错了。”

“My uncle,” I say again. “My uncle’s servants. Mr Way, Mrs Stiles…”

“我舅舅，”我又说道。“我舅舅的仆人。魏先生，斯黛尔太太…”

“You may be lying, even now. Both of you!”

“即便到了这个时候，你还是可能说谎。你们俩都可能！”

“We may be.” She taps her mouth. “But you see, dear girl, we ain’t.”

“也许吧。”她拍拍自己的嘴。“可是你看到了，亲爱的姑娘，我们没说谎。”

I know it, I know it. I still hold the ring. Now, with a cry, I throw it to the floor — as I once, as a furious child, threw cups and saucers.

我明白了，我明白了。我还抓着那项圈。这时，我哭着将项圈扔到地上——正如我还是暴躁孩童时，扔掉杯子和碟子一般。

But I say it, and I feel — the ghost of a pressure — Mr Way’s shoulder against my ribs, his finger in the crook of my knee: Fancy yourself a lady, do you? — And then, and then, Mrs Stiles’s hard hands on my pimpling arms and her breath against my cheek: “Why your mother, with all her fortune, should have turned out trash –“

可我嘴上说着，却感觉到——压力在身——魏先生肩膀顶着我的肋骨，手抓住我膝盖：你满以为自己是个大家闺秀，是吧？——然后，然后，斯黛尔太太坚硬的双手抓住我满是鸡皮疙瘩的胳膊，她的喘息喷到我脸上：为什么你母亲，那么有钱，还是要变成个废人——

“Damn him!” I say. I think of myself at the foot of my uncle’s bed, the razor in my hand, his unguarded eye. Confidence Abused. “Damn him!” Richard nods. I turn upon him, then. “And damn you, with him! You knew this, all along? Why not tell me, at Briar? Don’t you think it would have made me the likelier to go with you? Why wait, and bring me here — to this foul place! — to trick and surprise me?”

“他真该死！”我想起站在舅舅床脚边的自己，剃刀在握，还有他未设防的眼睛。我志在必得。“他真该死！”理查德点头称是。于是我转而向他。“你也去死吧，跟他一起去死！你自始至终都知道这事？为什么在布莱尔不告诉我？你不觉得这件事会令我更有可能跟你跑路吗？为什么要等到现在才说，为什么把我带到这儿来——这个肮脏污秽的地方！——作弄于我？惊吓于我？”

“Surprise you?” he says, with a curious laugh. “Oh, Maud, sweet Maud, we haven’t begun to do that.”

“惊吓你？”他笑容古怪地说道。“噢，莫德，好莫德，我们还没开始吓你呢。”

Mrs Sucksby hesitates, then goes to a shelf, opens a box, lifts out a bottle. She produces three short tumblers with gold about the rim. She wipes them, on a fold of her skirt.

萨克丝贝太太略为犹疑，然后走到一个架子跟前，打开个盒子，取出一只瓶子。她又变出三个大玻璃矮杯，杯口镶着金边。她用裙褶擦擦杯子。

I don’t understand him. I hardly try to. I am thinking still of my uncle, my mother — my mother, ill, ruined, coming here… Richard puts his hand to his chin, works his lips. “Mrs Sucksby,” he says, “do you keep any drink up here? I find myself rather dry about the mouth. It’s the anticipation, I think, of sensation. I am the same at the casino, at the spinning of the wheel; and at the pantomime, when they’re about to let fly the fairies.”

我不解其意，也没多想。我在想着我舅舅，我母亲——我的母亲，重病在身，精神崩溃，来到此地…理查德手放在下巴上，拨开嘴唇。“萨克丝贝太太，”他说道，“你这儿有什么喝的吗？我发现我嘴很干。我想这是，赌场里的轮盘转的时候，我也这样；还有看哑剧，当仙女要飞起来的时候。”

“I hope, Miss Lilly, you won’t suppose this sherry,” she says, as she pours. The scent of the liquid comes sharp and sickly upon the close air of the room. “Sherry in a lady’s chamber I could never agree to; but a bit of honest brandy, meant for use now and then as a bracer — well, you tell me, where’s the harm in that?”

“我希望，李小姐，你别以为这是雪利酒，”她一边倒酒，一边说道。那酒味在密闭的房间中迅速飘散开，令人作呕。“一个千金小姐的柜子里放瓶雪利酒，那我可决不答应；不过放点醇香的白兰地，以备时不时提提神——对了，你告诉我，这有何害处呢？”

The scarf stands out against the window: a fly is caught behind it, and buzzes in hopeless fury against the glass.

那披风挡着窗户：一只飞虫困在后面，愤怒又无望地在窗玻璃上嗡嗡振翅。

“Got a good mouth for spirits,” she says approvingly.

“好酒量，”她赞赏地说道。

“No harm at all,” says Richard. He holds a glass to me and, so confused am I — so dazed and enraged — I take it at once, and sip it as if it were wine. Mrs Sucksby watches me swallow.

“什么害处也没有。”理查德说道。他拿起一个杯子递给我，而我是如此困惑——如此眩晕又如此愤怒——我立即接过酒杯，一饮而尽，就当这是酒吧。萨克丝贝太太看着我吞下酒水。

“Got a mouth for them,” says Richard, “when they’re marked up, Medicine. Hey, Maud?”

“好肚量，”理查德说道，“当酒上标着，药品。嗨，莫德？”

I will not answer. The brandy is hot. I sit, at last, upon the edge of the bed and unfasten the cord of my cloak. The room is darker than before: the day is turning into night. The horse-hair screen looms black, and casts shadows. The walls — that are papered here in a pattern of flowers, there in muddy diamonds — are gloomy and close.

我才不会回答他。白兰地火辣辣的。终于，我坐到床边，解开斗篷带子。这屋子里比先前还暗：白日度尽，夜幕降临。黑乎乎的马鬃屏风若隐若现，投下一片阴影。四周墙壁阴郁而——墙上贴着有花朵图案的墙纸，有的地方就露着四边形的泥巴墙。

I sit with my head in my hands. My brain, like the room, seems hedged about with darkness; my thoughts run, but run uselessly. I do not ask — as I would, I think, if this were some other girl’s story and I was only reading it or hearing it told — I do not ask why they have got me here; what they mean to do with me now; how they plan to profit from the cheating and stunning of me.

我坐在床边，手抱着头。我的头脑，就好象这屋子，被阴霾遮蔽住了；我心念游走，却毫无头绪。我没有问——正如我应当做的，我觉得，如果这是别的姑娘的故事，而我只是在读，或者在聆听某人讲述——我没问他们为何把我弄到此地；他们打算让我做何事，他们是如何盘算从欺骗我、弄晕我中获取好处。

I only rage, still, against my uncle. I only think, over and over: My mother, ruined, shamed, coming here, lying bleeding in a house of thieves. Not mad, not mad…

我只是沉浸在对我舅舅的痛恨中。我只是反复地想：我母亲，崩溃，羞耻难当，落脚此地，卧在贼窝中，血流如注。不是疯子，不是疯子…

I suppose my expression is a strange one. Richard says, “Maud, look at me. Don’t think, now, of your uncle and your uncle’s house. Don’t think of that woman, Marianne.”

我猜我此时神情古怪。理查德说道，“莫德，看着我。现在，别再想了你舅舅和你舅舅的家了。别再想那个女人，那个玛丽安娜。”

“I shall think of her,” I answer, “I shall think of her as I always have: as a fool! But, my father — You said, a gentleman? They have made me out an orphan, all these years. Does my father still live? Did he never –?”

“我得想想她，”我答道。“我得想想她，象往常一样，象傻瓜一样！可是，我父亲——你说过，是个绅士？这么多年了，是他们让我成为一个孤儿。我父亲还健在吗？他就从来没有——？”

“I don’t know!” I say. “What do I know, now? If you will only give me a little time, to think in. If you will only tell me –“

“我不知道！”我说道。“现在，我还知道些什么？如果你肯给我一点时间，让我仔细想想。如果你肯告诉我——”

“Maud, Maud,” he says, sighing, moving back to his place at the door. “Look about you. Think how you came here. Do you suppose I snatched you from Briar, did the deed I did this morning — ran the risks I have run — so that you might learn family secrets, no more than that?”

“莫德，莫德，”他叹息着说道，他又退回到门边的位置上。“看看你身边。想想看，你是如何来这儿的。你觉得我把你从布莱尔勾出来，做了今天早晨做的那些事——冒那样的风险——是为了让你了解到家族秘史，就不为别的吗？”

But Mrs Sucksby has come to me, and lightly touches my arm.

而萨克丝贝太太已经走到我身边，轻轻地碰了一下我胳膊。

“Wait up, dear girl,” she says, very gently. She puts a finger to her lip, half closes one eye. “Wait up, and listen. You ain’t heard all my story. The better part’s to come. For there’s the lady, you remember, that’s been made rags of. There’s the father and the brother and the bully, due in one hour’s time. There’s the baby, and me saying, “What’ll we name her? What about your own name, Marianne?”, and the lady saying as how she’d sooner curse her, than call her that. You remember, my dear? “As for being the daughter of a lady,” says the poor girl next, “you tell me this: what does being a lady do for you, except let you be ruined? I want her named plain,” she says, “like a girl of the people. I want her named plain.” “You name her plain, then,” I say still meaning, as it were, to humour her. “I will,” she says. “I will. There was a servant that was kind to me once — kinder than ever my father or my brother was. I want her named for her. I shall call her for her. I shall call her –“”

“等一下，亲爱的姑娘，”她非常温柔地说道。她将手指放在嘴唇上，一只眼半睁半闭。“等一下，先听着。你还没听完我的故事呢。高潮部分就在后面。这位小姐，你记得吧，已经被折磨得不成人形，那个父亲和那个兄弟，还有那个恶霸，一个钟头里就要赶到了。孩子在那儿，我就说了，‘我们该给她取个什么名字呢？你自己的名字怎么样？玛丽安娜？’这位小姐说女儿叫这个名字，她就诅咒自己的女儿。你记得吧，我亲爱的？这苦命的小姐接下来说，‘至于做千金小姐的女儿，做一个千金小姐，除了让你崩溃，还能让你如何？你倒是告诉我？我想给她取个平凡的名字。’她说，‘象平常人家的女儿。我想给她取个平凡的名字。’我说，‘那你就叫她平凡吧。’——意思也是想逗她开心。她说，‘我会的，我会的，曾经有个仆人对我很好——比我父亲和兄弟对我还好。我想用她的名字给孩子取个名儿。我要叫她——’”

“Susan,” she says again. “That’s what the lady named her. Seems a shame to have named that baby for a servant, don’t it? So I thought, anyway. But what could I say? Poor girl, she was quite off her head — still crying, still shrieking, still saying as how her father would come, would take the child, would make her hate her own mother’s name. “Oh, how can I save her?” she said. “I would rather anyone got her, than him and my brother! Oh, what can I do? How can I save her? Oh, Mrs Sucksby, I swear to you now, I would rather they took any other poor woman’s baby, than mine!””

“苏珊，”她再次说道。“就是这小姐给她女儿取的名字。给孩子取仆人的名字，好象也不是什么光彩的事，对吧？苦命的姑娘，她脑子完全乱掉了——还要哭，还要尖叫，还要说什么她父亲要来了，要抢走孩子，要让孩子痛恨她自己母亲的名字。她说，‘我要怎样才能救她？我宁可其他任何人来带走孩子，也不想他和我兄弟带走孩子！噢，我能做什么？我要怎样才能救她？噢，萨克丝贝太太，现在我跟你发誓，我宁可他们带走别的苦命女人的孩子，也不要带走我的！’”

“Maud,” I say, wretchedly. I have lowered my face again. But when Mrs Sucksby is silent, I lift it. Her look is strange. Her silence is strange. She slowly shakes her head. She draws in her breath — hesitates, for another second — and then says: “Susan.”

“莫德，”我痛苦地说道。我垂下了脸。当萨克丝贝太太停住话头，我又抬起脸来。她神色古怪。她的沉默也颇古怪。她缓缓地摇摇头，控制住呼吸——犹豫着，停了一下——然后说道：“苏珊。”

Richard watches, his hand before his mouth. The room, the house, is still. My thoughts, that have seemed to turn like grinding wheels, now seem to stop. Susan. Susan. I will not let them see how the word confounds me. Susan. I will not speak. I will not move, for fear I should stumble or shake. I only keep my eyes upon Mrs Sucksby’s face. She takes another, longer sip from her glass of brandy, then wipes her mouth. She comes and sits again, beside me, upon the bed.

理查德在一旁观望，手捂着嘴。这屋子，这房子，都沉寂无声。我原本如滚滚车轮般纷乱飞旋的思绪，此时好象停滞了。苏珊。苏珊。我才不会让他们看到这个名字有多么令我不知所措。苏珊。我不会叫出这个名字。我也不敢动弹，生怕脚步不稳，或身子晃动。我眼睛盯着萨克丝贝太太的脸。她喝了大一口杯中的白兰地，擦擦嘴，走过来，又在我身边落座。

Her voice has risen. Her cheek is flushed. A pulse beats, briefly — very fast — in the lid of her eye. She puts her hand to it, then drinks again, and again wipes her mouth.

她声音提高了，激动得两颊发红。她眼皮上飞快地跳动着，她抬手捂住眼皮，又喝了一口，又抹了一下嘴。

“That’s what she said,” she says, more quietly. “That’s what she said. And as she says it, all the infants that are lying about the house seem to hear her, and all start up crying at once. They all sound the same, when you ain’t their mother. They all sounded the same to her, anyway. I had got her to the stairs, just outside that door” — she tilts her head, Richard shifts his pose and the door gives a creak –“and now, she stops. She looks at me, and I see what she’s thinking, and my heart goes cold. “We can’t!” I say. “Why can’t we?” she answers. “You have said yourself, my daughter shall be brought up a lady. Why not let some other little motherless girl have that, in her place — poor thing, she shall have the grief of it, too! But I swear, I’ll settle a half my fortune on her; and Susan shall have the rest. She shall have it, if you’ll only take her for me now, and bring her up honest, and keep her from knowing about her inheritance till she has grown up poor and can feel the worth of it! Don’t you have,” she says, “some motherless baby we can give to my father in Susan’s place? Don’t you? Don’t you? For God’s sake, say you do! There’s fifty pounds in the pocket of my gown. You shall have it! — I shall send you more! — if you’ll only do this thing for me, and not tell a living soul you’ve done it.””

“她就是这么说的。”她说道，语气已趋平静。“她就是这么说的。她说这话的时候，屋里所有的孩子好象都听到她的话似的，立刻开始哇哇大哭。如果你不是他们的妈妈，那他们的哭声在你听来都是一样的。反正孩子们哭，我扶她上了楼，就在那扇门外”——她歪着头，理查德换了个姿势，门板咯吱一声——“这时，她停下，望着我，我看出她的心思了，我的心一下就凉了。我说，‘我们不能！’她回答说，‘我们为何不能？你自己也说过，我女儿会被他们抚养成千金小姐。为何不让别的没娘的小姑娘当千金小姐，来代替她——可怜的人儿，她也会遭受那些个不幸！不过我起誓，我会把我一半财产分给她；苏珊得剩下的。如果你现在替我收下她，老老实实把她抚养成人，别让她知道她继承的遗产，等她在贫穷中长大，知道了遗产的价值再告诉她，’她说，‘你手里就没有哪个没娘的孩子，好代替苏珊交给我父亲吗？你没有吗？你没有吗？看在上帝的份上，快说你有！我外衣口袋里有五十磅钱。只要你肯为我做这么一件小事，并且再不告诉他人你干的事儿，那钱就归你——我还会给你寄更多的钱！’”

Perhaps there is movement in the room below, in the street — I do not know, I do not hear it if there is. I keep my gaze on Mrs Sucksby’s flushed face, on her eyes, her lips.– “Now, here was a thing,” she is saying, “to be asked to do. Wouldn’t you say, dear girl? Here was a thing, all right. I think I never thought harder or quicker before in all my life. And what I said at last was: “Keep your money. Keep your fifty pounds. I don’t want it. What I want, is this: Your pa is a gentleman, and gents are tricky. I’ll keep your baby, but I want for you to write me out a paper, saying all you mean to do, and signing it, and sealing it; and that makes it binding.” “I’ll do it!” she says, straight off. “I’ll do it!” And we come in here, and I fetch her a bit of paper and ink, and she sets it all down — just as I have told you, that Susan Lilly is her own child, though left with me, and that the fortunes are to be cut, and so on — and she folds it and seals it with the ring off her finger, and puts on the front that it ain’t to be opened till the day her daughter turns eighteen. Twenty-one, she wanted to make it: but my mind was running ahead, even as she was writing, and I said it must be eighteen — for we oughtn’t to risk the girls taking husbands, before they knew what was what.” She smiles. “She liked that. She thanked me for it. And then, no sooner had she sealed it than Mr Ibbs sends up a cry: there’s a coach, pulled up at his shop door, with two gents — an old one, and a younger — getting out, and with them, a bully with a club. Well! The lady runs shrieking to her room and I stand, tearing the hair out of my head. Then I go to the cribs, and I fetch up this one particular baby that is there — a girl, same size as the other, looks to turn out fair, like her — and I carry her upstairs. I said, “Here! Take her quick, and be kind to her! Her name’s Maud; and that’s a name for a lady after all. Remember your word.” “Remember yours! the poor girl cries; and she kisses her own baby, and I take it, and bring it down and lay it in the empty cot…”

楼下房间好象有些动静，街上也有——我不清楚，我对此充耳不闻。我牢牢盯着萨克丝贝太太红彤彤的脸，盯着她的眼睛，她的嘴唇。——“现在，有人，”她叙述着，“求你办件事儿。对吗？亲爱的姑娘？办一件事儿，就这样。在这之前，我想我这辈子里，想什么事儿，都没想这件事儿这么为难，这么忐忑。最后我就说了：留着你的钱。留着你的五十镑。我可不想要这钱。我想要的，是这个：你爹是个绅士，绅士们都狡诈。我会收留你的孩子，不过我希望你能给我写到纸上，把你盘算的都写下来，签个名儿，封起来；就让这事儿有凭有据。她立马说，‘我写，我写！’我们就到了这间屋子，我给她找来纸墨，她把她的话都写下来了——就是我刚才跟你说的，李苏珊是她的亲生女儿，但是留在我身边，她的财产一分为二，诸如此类的话——她把那张纸叠好，用她手上戴的戒指封好，还在封面上写好，得等到她女儿长到十八岁，才能打开这张纸。她本来是想写二十一岁，不过就算她写得快，也没我脑子转得快，我说必须写十八岁——因为在姑娘们明白什么是什么之前，她们会嫁人的，我们可不能冒着这个风险。”她面露微笑。“她也觉得是，还谢谢我提醒她呢。她刚封好信，艾伯斯先生就喊了一嗓子：来了辆大马车，冲进了他的店门，车上下来两个绅士——一个年长的，一个年轻的，还有个痞子，拿着棍儿跟着他们。可好，那小姐尖叫着跑进她的房间，我傻站着，揪着头发。然后我走到摇篮中间，我忽然想起，那个要紧的孩子还在那儿呢——得是个女孩儿，个头儿跟楼上那个差不多，小脸儿看上去，会越长越好看，长得象那位小姐——我抱着孩子上了楼。我说，‘这里！快抱走她，对她好一点！她叫莫德；反正这也是个千金小姐的名字。记住你说过的话！’那苦命的姑娘叫着，”你也记住你的话！“她亲亲自己的小宝贝，然后我接过她的孩子，抱下楼，放进那个空床…”

She blinks and turns her head. She has placed her glass of brandy upon the bed between us; the seams in the quilt keep it from spilling. Her hands she has clasped: she is stroking the knuckles of one with the blunt red thumb of the other. Her foot in its slipper goes tap upon the floor. She has not taken her eyes from my face, all the time she has spoken, until now.

她眼波闪烁，转过头去。她将酒杯放在床上我和她之间的地方，被子上方块间的缝护住酒杯，使其不至倾倒。她双手交握，两个鲜红粗壮的拇指相互摩挲着指节。她的脚轻轻点着地板。说话时，她目光一直没离开过我的脸，到此时才移开视线。

She shakes her head. “Such a trifling little thing it was to do!” she says. — And done in a minute. Done, while the gentlemen are still hammering at the door.

她摇摇头。“就这么一件微不足道的区区小事，一分钟不到就办妥了。换完孩子，正好绅士们在外面把门砸得山响。”

“Where is she?” they’re crying. “We know you’ve got her!” No stopping them, then. Mr Ibbs lets them in, they fly through the house like furies — see me and knock me down, next thing I know, there’s the poor lady being dragged downstairs by her pa — her gown all flapping, her shoes undone, the mark of her brother’s stick on her face — and there’s you, dear girl — there’s you in her arms, and nobody thinking you was anyone’s but hers. — Why should they? Too late to change it, then. She gave me one quick look as her father took her down, and that was all; I fancy she watched me, though, from the window of the coach. But if she was ever sorry she done it, I can’t tell you. I dare say she thought often of Sue; but no more than — Well, no more than she ought.”

他们嚷嚷着，“她在哪儿？我们知道你收留了她！”说完他们不停地砸门。艾伯斯先生让他们进了屋，他们在屋里蹿来蹿去，好象传说里那三个复仇女神（furies：复仇女神，“土地”和“黑暗”的三个女儿，以清算罪恶为职责，被描绘成庄严、美丽的女郎，Fury为其中之一。）一样——看到我，一把把我推倒，接下来我还知道的就是，那苦命的小姐，硬是被她爹拽下了楼——袍子都飞起来了，也没穿鞋，脸上还有藤条抽的印子，是她兄弟抽的——还有你，亲爱的姑娘——你就在她怀里，谁都没想到你会是别人的孩子，而不是她的——他们怎么想得到？当时要换过来，也来不及了。她父亲抓她下楼的时候，她飞快地看了我一眼，就一眼，没别的；可是我总觉得她在看我，从那马车窗户里。不过，她是不是也会为她的所作所为感到抱歉，我就没法跟你说了。我敢说，她经常想着苏；不过那只是——只是她应该的。

“Dear girl,” she murmurs. “Won’t you say a word to us?” She touches my hair. Still I will not speak or move. Her hand falls. “I can see this news’ve dashed your spirits, rather,” she says. Perhaps she gestures then to Richard, for he comes and squats before me.

“亲爱的姑娘，”她低语道。“你不跟我们说句话吗？”她抚摸着我的头发。我还是不想开口，也不想动弹。她把手放下来。“我看得出，这件事对你精神打击很大，”她说道。她可能给理查德使了个眼色，理查德走过来，蹲在我面前。

My own eyes I close. My hands I place before them, and I gaze into the darkness that is made by my palms. There is a silence. It lengthens. Mrs Sucksby leans closer.

我合上双眼，抬手捂着眼睛，睁眼看进手心中的黑暗。萨克丝贝太太靠近我。

“You understand, Maud,” he says, trying to see about my fingers, “what Mrs Sucksby has told you? One baby becomes another. Your mother was not your mother, your uncle not your uncle. Your life was not the life that you were meant to live, but Sue’s; and Sue lived yours…”

“莫德，你明白萨克丝贝太太刚才给你说的事儿吗？”他试图看清我手捂住的脸，“一个孩子变成了另外一个。你母亲不是你母亲，你舅舅也不是你舅舅。你过去的生活也不是你的，是苏的；而苏过的是你的生活…”

They say that dying men see, played before their eyes with impossible swiftness, the show of their lives. As Richard speaks, I see mine: the madhouse, my baton of wood, the gripping gowns of Briar, the string of beads, my uncle’s naked eyes, the books, the books… The show flickers and is gone, is lost and useless, like the gleam of a coin in murky water. I shudder, and Richard sighs. Mrs Sucksby shakes her head and tuts. But, when I show them my face they both start back. I am not weeping, as they suppose. I am laughing — I am gripped with a terrible laughter — and my look must be ghastly.

人们说垂死的人看得见他们此生种种，他们的一生会在眼前一闪而过。理查德说话时，我眼前闪现出疯人院，我的小木棍，布莱尔的箍人衣裳，小珠串，我舅舅的眼睛，书，书…这些景象一一闪过，随即消散而去，杳然无踪，仿佛污水中硬币的一线光。我战栗不已，理查德唏嘘连连。萨克丝贝太太摇头叹息。然而，当我抬起脸，他们齐齐一怔。出乎他们意料，我没哭，我在笑——我被一阵大笑攫住——我定然面如死灰。

I try to take a breath; and might as well have water in my mouth: I draw at the air, and it does not come. I gasp, and shake and gasp again. Richard stands and watches.

我想喘口气；口中好象灌了水似的：我大口大口地呼吸，却仍觉得憋闷。我一阵喘，一阵抖，又一阵喘。理查德站在一旁看着我。

“No madness, Maud,” he says, with a look of distaste. “Remember. You have no excuse for it now.”

“没疯病了，莫德，”他目露厌恶。“记住。现在你不好再这事儿上找理由了。”

“Dear girl –” says Mrs Sucksby. She has caught up her tumbler of liquor and is waving it close to my face. “Dear girl –” But I shudder with laughter still — a hideous laughter — and I jerk, as a fish might jerk on the end of a line. I hear Richard curse; then I see him go to my bag and grope inside it, bring out my bottle of medicine: he lets the liquid drop, three times, into the glass of brandy, then seizes my head and presses the glass to my lips. I taste it, then swallow and cough. I put my hands to my mouth. My mouth grows numb. I close my eyes again. I do not know how long I sit, but at length I feel the blanket that covers the bed come against my shoulder and cheek. I have sunk upon it. I lie — still twitching, from time to time, in what feels like laughter; and again Richard and Mrs Sucksby stand, in silence, and watch me.

“亲爱的姑娘——”萨克丝贝太太说道。她抓起她的酒杯，拿在我面前晃晃。然而我还在笑并颤抖着——我抽搐一下，仿佛鱼群中最后那条鱼猛地一冲，冲进鱼群一般。我听到理查德咒了一句，而后我看他走到我的包旁边，在里面摸索一阵，摸出我的药瓶：他将药水滴到白兰地中，滴了三滴，然后抓着我的脑袋，将杯子按在我嘴边。我尝过味道，便将酒水一口吞下，并咳嗽起来。我双手捂着嘴，我的嘴渐渐麻木。我又合上双眼。我也不知自己坐了多久，不过最后我感觉到铺在床上的毯子贴着我肩膀和脸颊，我已经躺在毯子上了——仍在不时抽搐，还在大笑的状态中不能自拔；理查德和萨克丝贝太太站在一旁，不做声，望着我。

“Oh, but this,” I think I say, “is perfect! This is all I have longed for! Why do you stare? What are you gazing at? Do you suppose a girl is sitting here? That girl is lost! She has been drowned! She is lying, fathoms deep. Do you think she has arms and legs, with flesh and cloth upon them? Do you think she has hair? She has only bones, stripped white! She is as white as a page of paper! She is a book, from which the words have peeled and drifted –“

“噢，可这个，”我想我在说，“就是最完美的！我渴望的就是这个！你们为何瞪着我？你们在看什么？你们以为有个姑娘坐在这里？那个姑娘不见了！她早就被溺死了！她躺在六尺深的地下！你们以为她有胳膊有腿儿？有血有肉？你们以为她有头发？她只剩下白骨！一根根的白骨！她白得象纸！她是一本书，一本无字的书！书上的字都被剥掉、被冲走——”

“I have excuse,” I say, “for anything! Anything!”

“我有理由，”我说道。“一切事情！一切的一切！我都有理由！”

“Sleep be damned,” he answers. “I still believe she thinks we have brought her here for her own convenience.” He comes, and taps my face. “Open your eyes,” he says.

“睡他妈的觉，”他答道。“我还是觉得她以为我们带她来这儿是为了从她身上捞好处。”他走上前来，拍打着我的脸。“把眼睛睁开，”他说道。

Presently, however, they come a little nearer. “Now,” says Mrs Sucksby softly, “are you better, darling?” I do not answer. She looks at Richard. “Oughtn’t we to go, and let her sleep?”

然而随后，他们走近了些。“现在，”萨克丝贝太太温柔地说道，“你好点儿了吗？亲爱的？”我没理她。她看看理查德。“我们该走了吧，让她睡一觉？”

He catches hold of one of my lids and pinches it hard. “Open your damn eyes!” he says. “That’s better. Now, there is a little more for you to know — just a little more, and then you may sleep. Listen to me. Listen! Don’t ask me, how you are meant to, I shall cut the fucking ears off the sides of your head if you do. Yes, I see you hear that. Do you feel this, also?” He strikes me. “Very good.”

他按住我的一只眼，用力掀开眼皮。“睁开你这该死的眼睛！”他说道。“好多了。现在，还有一些事情要让你知道——就一点儿，然后你就可以睡了。听我说。听着！可别问我打算如何处置你，你要是敢问，我就割掉你的耳朵。这个你也感觉到了吧？”他敲了我一记。“非常好。”

“Gentleman!” she says, her cheek growing dark. “No call for that. No call at all. Hold your temper, can’t you? I believe you’ve bruised her. Oh, dear girl.”

“绅士！”她脸色一沉。“没叫你跟她动手，压根儿就没叫你跟她动手。你就不能压压火儿吗？我相信你跟她动过粗。噢，亲爱的姑娘。”

The blow is not so hard as it might have been: Mrs Sucksby has seen him lift his arm and tried to check it.

他下手没他说得那么重，萨克丝贝太太见他扬手要打，出言制止了他。

I say, “I have no eyes. How could I? You have taken them from me.”

我说道，“我没有眼睛。我怎会有眼睛？你已夺去了我的双眼。”

“Go on, Mrs Sucksby,” he says as he does it. “Tell the rest. As for you, Maud: listen hard, and know at last what your life was lived for.”

“继续，萨克丝贝太太，”他边找火柴边说道。“把剩下的说完。至于你，莫德，仔细听着，最后就明白你的生命是为何而存在了。”

I lie, nursing my cheek, my eyes on his, saying nothing. Mrs Sucksby wrings her hands. He takes the cigarette from behind his ear, puts it to his mouth, looks for a match.

我躺在床上，护着我的脸，眼睛盯着他，一言不发。萨克丝贝太太绞着双手。他取下耳后的烟，放进嘴里，找起了火柴。

She reaches towards my face. Richard scowls. “She ought to be grateful,” he says, straightening, putting back his hair, “that I have not done worse, any time in the past three months. She ought to know I will do it again, and count it nothing. Do you hear me, Maud? You have seen me at Briar, a sort of gentleman. I make a holiday from gallantry, however, when I come here. Understand?”

她手伸过来，要摸我的脸。理查德板着面孔。“她应该感到庆幸，”他将头发捋到脑后，“这三个月以来，我不曾下过比这重的手。她应该清楚我还会这么干的，并且还不以为然。你听到我说话吗？莫德？你在布莱尔看到的我，还算个绅士。可是一到了这儿，向女人大献殷情的那个我就放假了。明白吗？”

“My life was not lived,” I say in a whisper. “You have told me, it was a fiction.”

“我的生命没存在过。”我低声说道。“你告诉过我，那是一场梦幻。”

“It has ended already,” I answer. But his words have made me cautious. My head is thick with liquor, with medicine, with shock; but not so thick that I cannot, now, begin to be fearful of what they will tell me next, how they plan to keep me, what they mean to keep me for…

“我的生命已终止。”我答道。然而他的言语仍令我警觉。我脑袋里充盈着酒水，混以药水，混以震撼；却还未充盈到令我无法对他们接下来要告诉我的事心生怯意，他们计划如何收留我，他们收留我究竟意欲何为…

“Well” — he finds a match, and strikes it — “fictions must end. Hear now how yours is to.”

“对呀”——他找到话头，就抓住不放——“梦幻必须终止。现在就听听你的生命该如何继续。”

The paper is folded like a letter, and bears a tilting instruction: To Be Opened on the Eighteenth Birthday of My Daughter, Susan Lilly. — I see that name, and shudder, and reach, but she holds it jealously and, like my uncle — not my uncle, now! — with an antique book, won’t let me take it; she lets me touch it, however. The paper is warm, from the heat of her breast. The ink is brown, the folds furred and discoloured. The seal is quite unbroken. The stamp is my mother’s — Sue’s mother’s, I mean; not mine, not mine — M. L.

那张纸叠得好象一封信，上面斜斜地写着一行字：我女李苏珊十八岁生日方可启封。——我看到那个名字，身子一颤，伸出手来，而她拿着那张纸，颇有顾忌，就象我舅舅——现在不是我舅舅了！——拿着一本古籍，不让我动一样；不过她还是让我拿到了那张纸。那纸是温热的，带着她心口的热量。字迹是褐色的，折叠处起了毛，磨出了黑边。封印完好无损。那花纹是我母亲的——我是说，苏的母亲的；不是我母亲的，不是我母亲的——M.L。

Mrs Sucksby sees me grow thoughtful, and nods. “Now you start to get it,” she says. “You are starting to see. I got the lady’s baby and, what’s better, I got the lady’s word. — The word’s the thing, of course. The word’s the thing with the money in — ain’t it?” She smiles, touches her nose. Then she leans a little closer. “Like to see it?” she says, in a different sort of voice. “Like to see the lady’s word?”

萨克丝贝太太见我神色变得若有所思，她点点头。“现在你开始明白了。”她说道。“你要明白了。我收下那小姐的孩子，还有更妙的，我收下了那小姐的字据。——当然了，就是那件事的凭证。那字据可就是钱啊——不是吗？”她微笑，摸摸鼻子。然后身子又靠过来一点。“想瞧瞧这字据吗？”她换了个声音说道。“瞧瞧这位小姐留下的话？”

She waits. I do not answer, but she smiles again, moves from me, glances at Richard, then turns her back to him and fumbles for a second with the buttons of her gown. The taffeta rustles. When the bodice is part-way open she reaches inside — reaches, it seems to me, into her very bosom, her very heart — and then draws out a folded paper. “Kept this close,” she says, as she brings it to me, “all these years. Kept this closer than gold! Look, here.”

她等我回应。我没答话，而她又笑，自我身边走开，看一眼理查德，就转过身去，背对着他，在衣裳扣子上摸索片刻。塔夫绸沙沙作响。胸衣一解开，她伸手探入怀中——在我看来，似乎就在心口处——然后取出一个折好的纸包。“这玩意一直贴身收着，”她将纸包拿到我面前，“这么些年了。收得比金子还仔细！瞧，这儿。”

I speak, instead. “She wrote it,” I say. My voice is thick, I am giddy. “She wrote it. They took her. What then?”

那还是我开口吧。“她写下这个字据，”我说道，我声音发闷，头晕目眩。“她写下这个字据。他们抓走了她。后来呢？”

“You see it, dear girl?” Mrs Sucksby says. The paper trembles. She draws it back to herself, with a miser’s gesture and look — lifts it to her face and puts her lips to it, then turns her back and restores it to its place inside her gown. As she buttons her dress, she glances again at Richard. He has been watching, closely, curiously; but says nothing.

“你看到吗？亲爱的姑娘？”萨克丝贝太太说道。那纸页颤动着，她如守财奴般，又一把夺了回去——举在面前，嘴巴还贴上去亲了一记，随后转过身去，将纸包收归原处。系衣扣时，她又瞄一眼理查德。他在一旁好奇地看着，却未做声。

Mrs Sucksby turns. Her gown is closed and perfectly smooth again, but she has her hand upon the bodice, as if nursing the words beneath. The lady?” she says, distractedly. The lady died, dear girl.” She sniffs, and her tone changes. “Bust me, however, if she didn’t linger on another month before she done it! Who would have thought? That month was against us. For now her pa and her brother, having got her home, made her change her will. — You can guess what to. No penny to go to the daughter — meaning you, dear girl, so far as they knew — till the daughter marries. There’s gentlemen for you — ain’t it. She sent me a note to tell me, by a nurse. They’d got her into the madhouse by then, and you alongside her — well, that soon finished her off. It was a puzzle to her, she said, how things might turn out now; but she took her consolation from the thought of my honesty. Poor girl!” She seems almost sorry. “– That was her slip.”

萨克丝贝太太转过身来，她衣裳又恢复原状，无波无折，手却还捂在心口，仿佛在护着衣裳里的那张字据。“那位小姐？”她心不在焉地说道。“那小姐死了，亲爱的姑娘。”她鼻子猛吸一下，然后声调变了。“但是，如果写下字据之前，她没磨蹭掉那一个月的时间，我可就赔本了！那会儿谁料得到？一个月的时间，对我们可太不利了。因为现在她爹和她兄弟把她抓回了家，逼迫她改变心意呢。——你能猜到结果如何。一分钱也不会给她女儿——到目前，就他们所知，也就是你，亲爱的姑娘——除非她女儿结婚。给你找个绅士——不就这么回事？她让一个护士给我捎了信。当时，他们已经把她关进疯人院了，你给她带在身边——唉，她在疯人院里很快就去了。她还说，事情进展如何，对她来讲可真是个想不出的难题，不过她以我的诚实为安慰。苦命的姑娘哟！”她简直要难过了。“——她一失足成千古恨啊。”

I look from him back to Mrs Sucksby, saying nothing. She nods. “I thought often of you,” she says again, “and wondered how you got on. I supposed you handsome. Dear girl, you are!”

我看看他，又看看萨克丝贝太太，未做声。她点点头。“我经常挂念你，”她又说道，“总想知道你过得如何。我觉得你该是个漂亮人儿。亲爱的姑娘，你是个漂亮人儿！”

“Ungrateful, Maud!” says Richard. “Here has Mrs Sucksby been, plotting so hard in your behalf, so long. Another girl — don’t girls seek only to be the heroines of romance? — another girl might fancy herself distinguished.”

“不识抬举！莫德！”理查德说道。“在这里是萨克丝贝太太，一直为你的利益精心谋划，如此之久。换了别的姑娘——姑娘们不都是一门心思，只想成为浪漫故事中的女英雄吗？——换了别的姑娘，她会以为自己身份尊贵。”

I turn my face. “I never asked for your thoughts,” I say. “I don’t want them now.”

我脸别过去。“我从未请求你的关心，”我说道。“现在我也不想要。”

Richard laughs. Mrs Sucksby smooths her mouth, and begins to look crafty. “As for me,” she says, “– well, I had seen from the first that the only puzzle was, how to get the whole of the fortune when I was only due to have half. My comfort must be, that I had eighteen years for figuring it out in. I thought many times of you.”

理查德笑出了声。萨克丝贝太太抹抹嘴，神情又变得狡诈。“至于说我，”她说道，“——从一开始，我唯一的难题是，既然我只能得一半的钱，那我要如何才能把这笔钱全搞到手。我熬了十八年，我得搞到所有的钱，心里才舒坦。好多次我都想到你。”

She swallows. “I had two fears, only. The first was, that you might die. The second was, that your grand-dad and uncle should take you away from England and have you married before the lady’s secret come out. Then I read in a paper that your grand-dad died. Then I heard how your uncle lived quietly, in the country; and had you with him, and kept you in a quiet way, too. There’s my two fears both gone!”

她咽下吐沫。“我只害怕两件事，第一个是，你会死掉。第二个是，你姥爷和舅舅会把你带出英格兰，在那小姐的遗嘱公布之前，就把你嫁掉了。后来我在一张报纸上看到你姥爷死了，你舅舅在乡下隐居，把你留在他身边，对外也不张扬。这么着，我心里两件害怕的事儿，就都去了！”

She smiles. “Meanwhile,” she says — and now her eye-lids flutter — “Meanwhile, here’s Sue. You have seen, dear girl, how close and quiet I have kept the lady’s word.” She pats her gown. “Well, what was the word to me, without Sue to pin it to? Think how close and quiet I have kept her. Think how safe. Think how sharp such a girl might have grown, in a house like this one, in a street like ours; then think how hard Mr Ibbs and me have worked to keep her blunt. Think how deep I puzzled it over — knowing I must use her at the last, but never quite knowing how. Think how it begins to come clear, when I meets Gentleman — think how quick my fear that you might be secretly married, turns into my knowing that he is the chap that must secretly marry you… It’s the work of another minute, then, to look at Sue and know what ought to be done with her.” She shrugs. “Well, and now we’ve done it. Sue’s you, dear girl. And what we brought you here for is –“

她微笑着。“与此同时，”她说道——这时她眼皮颤动起来——“与此同时，苏就在这儿了。你也看到了，亲爱的姑娘，这小姐的字据我藏得多隐秘多牢靠。”她拍拍裙子。“好，要是没有苏在旁边，这字据对我来说又算得什么？你想想看吧，我拉扯她长大，得多么小心、多么仔细，多么不引人注意。你想，这得万无一失啊。你想这么一个姑娘，住在我们这种街坊，在我们这种人家里，她得生得多么精明；再想想我和艾伯斯先生，我们得花多大力气，才让她一直傻里傻气的，你想我翻来覆去得琢磨多少回——我心里知道，最后肯定要用到她，可该如何下手，却从来都没想明白过。你想想看，等我见着绅士，这事才开始有眉目了——我多担心你会给他们不声不响地嫁掉，想想看吧，一见着他，我的担心立马变成了好主意，那个不声不响娶了你的小伙子，正是他呀…然后，再看看苏，只花了一分钟，我就明白应该把她怎么着了。”她耸耸肩。“好了，现在我们已经依计行事了。苏就是你了，亲爱的姑娘。我们带你这儿就是为了——”

“Listen, Maud!” says Richard. I have closed my eyes and turned my head. Mrs Sucksby comes to me, lifts her hand, begins to stroke my hair.

我闭上眼睛，头转过去。“听着！莫德！”理查德说道。萨克丝贝太太走过来，抬手抚摸起我的头发。

“That’s fair, ain’t it?” says Mrs Sucksby, still stroking my hair.

“这样才公平，不是吗？”萨克丝贝太太仍抚摸着我的头发。

“What we brought you here for,” she goes on, more gently, “is for you to start being Sue. Only that, dear girl! Only that.”

“我们为什么要把你带到这儿来呢，”她继续说道，语气更温柔，“是为了让你从现在开始做苏，就这个，亲爱的姑娘！就这个。”

I open my eyes, and suppose look stupid.

我睁开眼睛，我想我傻了眼了。

“Do you see?” says Richard. “We keep Sue as my wife in the madhouse, and with the opening of her mother’s statement, her share of the fortune — Maud’s share, I mean — comes to me. I should like to say I will keep every cent of it; but the scheme was Mrs Sucksby’s after all, and half goes to her.” He makes a bow.

“你明白了吗？”理查德说道。“苏作为我妻子，待在疯人院里，她母亲的遗嘱一公开，她那份财产——我是说莫德的那份财产——就归我了。应该说，那份财产每一分钱都归我；不过，毕竟，这个计策是萨克丝贝太太想出来的，有一半归她。”他一躬身。

“But the other share,” Richard goes on, “– which is to say, Sue’s real share — Mrs Sucksby stands also to get. The statement names her Sue’s guardian; and guardians, I am afraid, are often less than scrupulous in the handling of their wards’ fortunes… That all means nothing, of course, if Sue herself has vanished. But then, it’s Maud Lilly — the true Maud Lilly” — he blinks — “by which I mean of course, the false Maud Lilly — who has vanished. Isn’t that what you wanted? To vanish? You said, a minute ago, that you have excuse for anything now. What will it hurt you, then, to be passed off as Sue, and so make Mrs Sucksby rich?”

“而另一半，”理查德继续说道，“——也就是说，真正属于苏的那份——萨克丝贝太太也要弄到手。那份遗嘱里指定她做苏的监护人；而我恐怕，这些监护人在看管他们被监护人的财产方面，常常不够谨慎，也不够认真…当然，如果苏自己失踪了，这些就都没什么意义了。不过到那时，就是李莫德——真正的李莫德”——他眨眨眼——“当然，我意思是指那个假李莫德——失踪了。你想要的不就是这个吗？想销声匿迹？一分钟之前你还说，你现在干什么都有理由。那冒充一下苏，好让萨克丝贝太太发一笔财，于你又有何害处呢？”

“You are mad,” I say to them both. “You are mad! I — Pass me off as Sue?”

“你疯了，”我对他二人说道。“你们都疯了！我——我去冒充苏？”

“Make us both rich, darling,” Mrs Sucksby says quickly. “I ain’t so heartless, dear, as to rob you quite of everything! You’re a lady, ain’t you, and handsome? Why, I shall need a handsome lady, to show me what’s what when I comes into my fortune. I got plans for us both, sweetheart, that grand!” — She taps her nose. I push myself up, away from her; but am too giddy, still, to stand.

“让咱俩都发财，亲爱的，”萨克丝贝太太迅速说道。“我也不至于没心肝到要把你剥夺得一干二净呀！亲爱的。你是个千金小姐，不是吗？还这么漂亮？正好啊，等我有了钱，我就要找个漂亮小姐，教教我怎么做上流人呢。我给咱俩都算计好了，小甜心，多棒啊！”——她蹭蹭鼻子。我从她身边退开去，而我仍感头晕目眩，仍旧无法站立。

“Convince him, how?”

“说服他？如何说服？”

“Why not?” says Richard. “We need only convince a lawyer. I think we shall.”

“为什么不呢？”理查德说道。“我们只需说服一位律师。我想我们能办到。”

“How? Why, here are Mrs Sucksby and Mr Ibbs — that have been like parents to you, and so might be supposed, I think, to know you, if anyone might. And here are John and Dainty, too — they’ll swear to any kind of mischief with money in, you may be sure. And here am I — that met you at Briar, when you were maid to Miss Maud Lilly, later my wife. You’ve seen, haven’t you, what gentlemen’s words are worth?” He pretends to be struck with the thought. “But of course you have! For in a madhouse in the country are a pair of doctors — they’ll remember you, I think. For didn’t you, only yesterday, give them your hand and make them a curtsey, and stand in a good light before them, for quite twenty minutes, answering questions to the name of Susan?”

“如何说服？这有何难，有萨克丝贝太太和艾伯斯先生——他们一直象你的父母一样，我想，假使有谁想了解你，他也会这么认为的。这儿还有约翰和达蒂——你自可放心，拿了钱，他们就愿意为任何恶行坏事赌咒发誓。还有我——我在布莱尔结识你，当时你在服侍李莫德——也就是后来我的妻子。你见没见过正人君子的话所值几何？”他佯装被这个想法吓了一跳。“你当然见过了喽！因为那个乡下的疯人院里有一对儿医生——我想他们会记得你。就在昨天，不正是你把手递给他们，朝他们行屈膝礼，还有模有样地站在他们面前，花了二十分钟，回答他们问苏珊的问题？”

I have put my fingers to my mouth. “Suppose,” I say, “I won’t do it? Suppose, when your lawyer comes, I tell him –“

我手掩着嘴。“试想一下，”我说道，“我不照办？试想一下，等你的律师来了，我跟他说——”

He lets me consider that. Then he says, “All we ask is that, when the moment arrives, you give the performance over again, before a lawyer. What have you to lose? Dear Maud, you have nothing: no friends in London, no money to your name — why, not so much as a name!”

他让我考虑这些。随后又道，“我们全部的要求是，当这一时刻到来时，你在律师面前再如此这般表演一回，你会有什么损失呢？亲爱的莫德，你一无所有：在伦敦没朋友，名下没有一分钱——不是吗，不过是个名字而已！”

She waves her hand before her face, says nothing. Richard snorts.

她手挡在面前挥了挥，没做声。理查德哼了一声。

I sit and watch him speak. At last I say, in a whisper: “Are you truly so wicked as this?” He shrugs. I turn to Mrs Sucksby. “And you,” I say. “Are you so wicked? To think, of Sue — Are you so vile?”

我呆坐原处，望着他。最后我低声说道：“你真的如此邪恶吗？”他耸耸肩。我转向萨克丝贝太太。“还有你，”我说道，“你也如此恶毒吗？这样算计苏——你有这么卑鄙吗？”

“Tell him what? Tell him how you plotted to swindle an innocent girl? — looked on, while the doctors dosed her and carried her off? Hmm? What do you think he will make of that?”

“跟他说什么？跟他说你如何处心积虑地陷害了一个无辜的姑娘？——说你就眼睁睁地看着，看着医生给她灌药水，把她折磨死？嗯？你以为他会怎么想这些事？”

“Wickedness,” he says. ” Vileness. What terms! The terms of fiction. Do you think, that when women swap children, they do it, as nurses do it in the operettas — for comedy’s sake? Look about you, Maud. Step to the window, look into the street. There is life, not fiction. It is hard, it is wretched. It would have been yours, but for Mrs Sucksby’s kindness in keeping you from it. — Christ!” He moves from the door, puts his arms above his head and stretches. “How tired I am! What a day’s work I have done today — haven’t I? One girl pressed into a madhouse; another — Well.” He looks me over, nudges my foot with his. “No arguments?” he says. “No bluster? That may come later, I suppose. No matter if it does. Sue’s birthday falls at the start of August. We have more than three months, to persuade you into our plot. I think three days — of Borough living, I mean — will do that.”

“邪恶，”他说道。“卑鄙。都是什么字眼！虚幻的字眼！你以为女人交换孩子的时候，她们这么做，就象喜剧里的护士们那样——是为了有个皆大欢喜的结果？看看你身边吧，莫德。走到窗户边去看看那街道。那就是生活，艰难、悲惨的生活，不是虚幻！那就是你本该过的生活，是萨克丝贝太太的善心让你免于过那种日子。——上帝！”他从门口走过来，双臂举过头，伸了个懒腰。“真累啊！我今天忙活了一天啊！——不是吗？一个姑娘塞进疯人院，另一个——算了。”他细细端详着我，脚轻轻踢踢我的脚。“没事儿了吧？”他说道。“没脾气了？我估计等下又要大发作了。苏的生日在八月初。我们有三个月的时间，来说服你加入我们的计划。我想只要三天——我的意思是，过三天镇子上的日子——就够说服你了。”

“Don’t say we have broken your spirit, Maud,” he says, “so quickly? I should be sorry to think it.” He pauses. Then: “Your mother,” he adds, “would have been sorry, also.”

“可别说我们破坏了你的信念，莫德。”他说道，“有这么快吗？我应该为我这么想而感到遗憾。”他停了一下，又道：“你母亲，”他加了一句，“也会感到遗憾。”

“Now, Gentleman,” says Mrs Sucksby anxiously as he does it, “don’t tease her.”

见他如此，萨克丝贝太太不由着急地说道，“好了，绅士，别再逗她了。”

“Of my mother, you mean,” I say. “My true mother, that you made out to be Sue’s. That choked — you see, I know something! — that choked, on a pin.”

“讲我母亲的事儿，你是说，”我说道。“我的亲生母亲，也就是你编造给苏的母亲。噎死了——你瞧，我也知道一些事儿呢！——噎死了，让一枚别针噎死了。”

I am gazing at him, but cannot speak. I am thinking, still, of Sue. He tilts his head.

我凝视着他，却说不出话。我还在想，还想着苏。他歪着脑袋。

“You have said too much, that’s why,” she answers. “Miss Lilly — I’ll call you that, shall I, my dear? Seems natural, don’t it? — Miss Lilly, don’t mind him. We’ve plenty of time for talking of that.”

“你讲得太多了，没错，”她答道。“李小姐——我还是喊你这个吧，可以吗？我亲爱的？好象自然些，不是吗？——李小姐，别跟他计较。我们有好多时间可以讲这个事儿。”

“My mother,” I start to say. — I think of Marianne, with lunacy in her eye. Then I catch my breath. Through all of it, I have not thought of this. Richard watches, looks sly. He puts his hand to his collar and stretches his throat, and coughs, in a feeble, girlish and yet deliberate kind of way.

“我母亲，”我开始说话。——我想到玛丽安，和她的眼神中的蒙昧狂乱。然后我屏息凝神。自始至终，我都没想起此事。理查德看在眼里，他神情变得狡猾。他手抓衣领，伸伸脖子，咳嗽两声，那矫揉的做派颇显女气，却还算讲究。

“Tease her?” he says. He still pulls at his collar as if it chafes him. “I am only dry about the throat, from talking.”

“逗她？”他说道，他还在拽那衣领，仿佛衣领磨痛了脖子。“我就是清了清嗓子，清好了好讲话。”

“On a pin!” says Richard, laughing. “Did Sue say that?” Mrs Sucksby bites her mouth. I look from one to the other of them.

“让一枚别针噎死！”理查德大笑着说道。“苏说过这个吗？”萨克丝贝太太咬着嘴唇。我的目光在他二人脸上游来移去。

Richard coughs again. Mrs Sucksby looks away from me, and joins and works her hands. When she speaks, her voice is quiet, grave. “Gentleman,” she says, “you ain’t got nothing more to tell Miss Lilly, now. I have some words, however. The sort of words a lady likes to say to a girl in private.”

理查德又笑。萨克丝贝太太眼睛不再看我，她双手交握，手掌摩挲起来。待她开口时，她的声音安静而悲伤。“绅士，”她说道，“现在你再没什么话要跟李小姐交代了。可我还有话要说。是那种女士私下里跟姑娘讲的话。”

She waits, but he will not leave. She comes and, again, sits beside me; again, I flinch away.

她稍候片刻，他却并未离去。她便又走过来，坐在我身边。我连忙闪到一旁。

“What was she?” I ask wearily. “For God’s sake, tell me. Do you think I have it in me, now, to be astonished? Do you imagine I care? What was she? A thief, like you? Well, if I must lose the madwoman, a thief I suppose will do…”

“她是做什么的？”我不耐烦地问道。“看在上帝的份上，告诉我吧。你们现在还以为我会被这样的事惊吓住吗？她做什么的？是个贼，象你一样？好了，假使我必须丢掉那个疯母亲，那我猜是个贼母亲…”

“Dear girl,” she says. “The fact of it is, there ain’t a pleasant way to tell it; and I ought to know, if anyone ought! — for I told it once already, to Sue. Your mother –” She wets her lips, then looks at Richard.

“亲爱的姑娘，”她说道。“这件事的真相是，实在找不到令人高兴的方式来说出此事了；假使有谁知道该怎么说，那我也肯定知道——因为我跟苏说过一次。你的母亲——”她舔舔嘴唇，又望着理查德。

He nods. “I know,” he says. He folds his arms. “I am dying to hear them.”

他点头。“我明白，”他说道。他双臂交叠。“我就当作没听见。”

“Hanged?”

“吊死了？”

“Tell her,” he says. “Or I will.”

“跟她说，”他说道，“要不我来说。”

Then she studies my face. “Dear girl, don’t think of it,” she says. “What does it matter now? You’re a lady, ain’t you? Who’ll trouble with where you come from? Why, look about you here.”

然后她端详着我的脸。“亲爱的姑娘，别再想这个事儿了，”她说道。“现在这些事儿还有什么，你是个有教养的小姐，不是吗？有谁会为了你的出身而不高兴呢？干吗呀，来看看你这间屋子。”

“Gentleman, I mean it!”

“绅士，我来说！”

So then she speaks again, more quickly. “Your mother,” she says, “was took before the courts, not just for thieving, but for killing a man; and — oh, my dear, they hanged her for it!”

于是她马上又开口。“你母亲，”她说道，“给抓到法庭上，不光为了偷东西，还因为她杀了人；后来——噢，我亲爱的，他们为了这个，就把她吊死了！”

“A murderess, Maud,” says Richard, with relish. “You may see the place they hanged her, from the window of my room –“

“一个女凶手，莫德。”理查德颇有意味地说道。“你可以看到他们吊死她的地方，从我房间的窗户里——”

He falls silent. I say again, ” Hanged!”

他住了嘴。我又说道，“吊死了！”

“Hanged game,” says Mrs Sucksby — as if this, whatever it means, will make me bear it better.

“吊着玩来着，”萨克丝贝太太说道——仿佛无论此言有何含义，经她一说，都能令我更好地接受这个字眼。

She has risen, and lights a lamp: a score of gaudy surfaces — the silk dressinggown, the cloudy brass of the bedstead, china ornaments upon the mantelshelf — start out of the darkness. She goes again to the wash-hand stand, and again she says: “Here’s soap. What soap! Got from a shop up West. Come in a year ago — I saw it come and thought, “Now, shan’t Miss Lilly like that!” Kept it wrapped in paper, all this time. And here’s a towel, look — got a nap like a peach. And scent! Don’t care for lavender, we’ll get you one of rose. Are you looking, dear?”

她站起身，点亮一盏灯：一连串艳俗的家什——丝绸袍子，镶着流云花纹的铜质床架，壁炉架上的陶瓷小饰品——自黑暗中跃然而出。她又走到洗手台边，再次说道：“这是肥皂。多好的肥皂！西区的一家店里搞来的。一年前就搞到了——我眼见着这肥皂进了门，就想，‘好，李小姐喜欢的不就是这个！’一直包在纸里，藏到现在。还有这个是毛巾，瞧瞧——这毛茸茸的多象桃子。还有香水！不喜欢熏衣草味儿，我们就给你弄个玫瑰味儿的。你在看吗？亲爱的？”

“Petticoats, and stockings, and stays! Bless me, here’s pins for a lady’s hair. Here’s rouge for a lady’s cheek. Here’s crystal drops — one pair of blue, one red. That comes of my not knowing, darling, the shade of the eyes they was to match! Well, Dainty shall have the blue pair…”

“衬裙，长筒袜，还有紧身胸衣！夸奖我吧，这是给女士梳头用的发卡，这是给女士搽脸的胭脂。这是水晶耳坠——一对蓝的，一对红的。这玩意是从我不知道的地方搞来的，亲爱的，可以搭配眼睛的颜色！好了，达蒂戴这对儿蓝的…”

She moves to the chest of drawers, pulls the deepest drawer open. “Why, what have we here!” Richard leans to see. I also look, in a kind of horrified wonder.

她走到橱柜边，拉开最下面的抽屉。“瞧着，我们这儿有什么！”理查德探身查看。我又惊又惧，也不禁好奇张望。

Mrs Sucksby sees me, and tuts. “Oh, now,” she says, “ain’t that a shame! Crying? And all these handsome things? Gentleman, you see her? Crying, and for what?”

萨克丝贝太太见我哭了，口中啧啧有声。“噢，得了，”她说道。“那又不是丑事！哭？这些东西不好看吗？绅士，你看看她？哭，都为了什么呀？”

She holds the gaudy beads up by their wires, and I watch the crystals turn. The colour seems to blur. I have begun, in hopelessness, to weep. As if weeping could save me.

她拎起那串俗气玩意，我看到水晶珠粒缓缓旋转，那颜色似乎渐渐变得模糊。无望之中，我开始哭泣，仿佛哭泣可以拯救我。

“Crying,” I say bitterly, unsteadily, “to find myself here, like this! Crying to think of the dream I lived in, when I supposed my mother only a fool! Crying in horror at the closeness and foulness of you!”

“我哭，”我悲从衷来，语不成句地说道，“我为发现自己沦落至此而哭！为我从前生活在梦幻中，还以为我母亲只是个白痴而哭！为你的步步紧逼，为你的卑鄙下流，为你令我无比厌恶而哭！”

She has stepped back. “Dear girl,” she says, dropping her voice, gazing quickly at Richard, “do you despise me so, for letting them take you?”

她退了一步。“亲爱的姑娘，”她飞快地瞄一眼理查德，放低了声音说道。“你这么瞧不起我，就因为我让他们带走了你？”

She stares, then almost smiles. She gestures about the room. “Don’t think,” she says, with a look of amazement, “I mean for you to keep at Lant Street! Dear girl, dear girl, you was taken from here so they might make a lady of you. And a lady they’ve made you — a perfect jewel! Don’t think I shall have you wasting your shine in this low place. Haven’t I said? I want you by me, dear, when I am rich. Don’t ladies take companions? Only wait till I have got my hands on your fortune; then see if we don’t take the grandest house in London! See what carriages and footmen we’ll have then! — what pearls, what dresses!”

她瞪着眼，几乎要笑了。她示意我看这房间。“可别以为，”她眉开眼笑地说道，“我打算让你一直住在兰特街上！亲爱的姑娘，亲爱的姑娘！他们把你从这儿带走，这样才能把你教养成一个千金小姐——一件完美的珍宝！可别以为我会让你把你的光彩浪费在这个下等地方。我不是说了吗？等我有了钱，亲爱的，我想你来陪着我。有钱的小姐不都得有几个女伴吗？只须等你的财富落到了我手里；到时候再看我们是不是没住到伦敦最富丽堂皇的房子里！到时候再看我们会有多少马车和佣人！——有多少珍珠，有多少衣裳！”

She puts her hands on me again. She means to kiss me, to eat me. I rise and shake her off. “You don’t think,” I say, “I shall stay with you, when your wretched scheme is done?”

她又将手放在我身上。她想亲吻我，想吃了我。我站起身，挣脱开她。“你不会是以为，”我说道，“等你卑鄙无耻的计划完成了，我会待在你身边吧？”

“I despise you,” I say, “for bringing me back!”

“我鄙视你，”我说道，“因为你又把我带回来了！”

“What else?” she says. “Who ought to have you, if not me? It was fortune took you; it is me that has got you back. I been working it over for seventeen years. I been plotting and thinking on this, every minute since I first laid you in the poor lady’s arms. I been looking at Sue –“

“还怎么着？”她说道。“不待在我身边，又待在谁身边呢？过去是钱财带走了你，现在是我又把你弄回来了。从我把你放到那苦命小姐怀里开始，就为这个忙了十七年。以前我看到苏——”

“You see, dear girl? Killed her! Why, she might have been killed any day of her life, but for me! Who was it nursed her, when she took sick? Who kept the boys off her? I should have given my hands, my legs, my lungs, for the saving of hers. But do you think, that when I did those things I was doing them for her? What use will a commonplace girl be to me, when I am rich? I was doing them for you! Don’t think of her. She was water, she was coal, she was dust, in comparison with what’s been made of you.”

“你明白了吧，亲爱的姑娘？杀了她！干吗呀，她生命中的任何一天都有可能被人干掉，却决不是因为我！她生病的时候，是谁在照顾她？谁帮她撵走花言巧语的小男孩？我会为了保住她的胳膊、她的腿儿、她的心肝肺，而贡献出我的胳膊我的腿儿我的心肝肺！但是你以为，我做这些事的时候，我这么做就是为了她？如果我是个有钱人，一个普普通通的姑娘于我又有什么用处？我是为你才这么做的！别再想着她了。相比你的身体肤发，她就是水，她就是煤，她就是尘埃。”

“You have killed her!” I say.

“你杀了她！”我说道。

“Now, why look like that? Didn’t I do everything for her, just as her mother wanted? — kept her safe, kept her tidy, made a commonplace girl of her? What have I done, but give her back the life you had from her?”

“好了，干吗要这副样子？我不是按照她母亲的心愿，什么事儿都为她做妥帖了吗？——保她安全，保她卑微，把她抚养成一个平常普通的姑娘？除了把你替她过的生活又还给她之外，我还做过什么？”

She swallows. I cry still harder. “Sue,” I say. “Oh, Sue…”

她咽下唾沫。我仍在痛哭。“苏，”我说道，“噢，苏…”

“It certainly doesn’t,” says Richard. “You’re paying for that, don’t forget. I should have had her in the county asylum, were it down to me.”

“那当然不便宜，”理查德说道。“你为那个付了钱的，别忘了。假使由我做主，我就把她送到乡下的救济院去。”

“Killed her? When there’s all those doctors about her, all supposing her a lady? — And that don’t come cheap, I can tell you.”

“杀了她？有那么多医生围着她转，全都把她当有钱的小姐侍奉呢——那可不便宜啊，我可以负责任地告诉你。”

“But, to cheat her! To leave her, there –!”

“但是，欺骗她！抛弃她，抛到——！”

She reaches, and pats my sleeve. “You let them take her,” she says. Then her look changes. She almost winks. “And oh, dear girl, don’t you think you was your mother’s daughter, then?”

她伸出手，拍拍我的袖子。“你让他们抓走她，”她说道。随后她神情变了。她简直要给我使眼色了。“那好，亲爱的姑娘，那么你不以为你是你母亲的女儿吗？”

I have been bold and determined. I have bitten down rage, insanity, desire, love, for the sake of freedom. Now, that freedom being taken from me utterly, is it to be wondered at if I fancy myself defeated?

我曾是自负妄为之人，我曾是坚韧决绝之人。我曾为自由，将怒火，愚蠢，欲望和爱情一一咽下。如今，这自由却转眼间就被人从我身边抽去，假使我自认惨败，会令人感到惊奇吗？

Again, she looks amazed. “How could I not?”

她再次眉飞色舞。“我怎么不能够？”

I stare at her. “My God!” I say. “How could you? How could you?”

我瞪着她。“我的天！”我说道。“你怎么能够？你怎么能够？”

From the rooms below there come again shrieks, and blows, and laughter. Richard stands watching, with folded arms.

楼下房间又有尖叫传来，还有呼哨和笑声。理查德双臂交叠，站在一旁观望。

I give myself up to darkness; and wish I may never again be required to lift my head to the light.

我任自己沉没在黑暗中，再也不想抬头面对光亮。

The fly at the window still buzzes, still beats against the glass. Then the buzzing stops. As if it is a signal, I turn, and sink out of Mrs Sucksby’s grasp. I sink to my knees at the side of the bed, and hide my face in the seams of the quilt.

窗户上那只苍蝇仍在嗡嗡飞舞，仍在冲撞着窗玻璃。这时候，嗡嗡声停了。那仿佛是个信号，我转过身，人滑将下去，滑脱萨克丝贝太太的手。我双膝落地，跪在床边，将脸埋在被子里。