Differently than before, he now looked upon people, less smart, less proud, but instead warmer, more curious, more involved. When he ferried travellers of the ordinary kind, childlike people, businessmen, warriors, women, these people did not seem alien to him as they used to: he understood them, he understood and shared their life, which was not guided by thoughts and insight, but solely by urges and wishes, he felt like them. Though he was near perfection and was bearing his final wound, it still seemed to him as if those childlike people were his brothers, their vanities, desires for possession, and ridiculous aspects were no longer ridiculous to him, became understandable, became lovable, even became worthy of veneration to him. The blind love of a mother for her child, the stupid, blind pride of a conceited father for his only son, the blind, wild desire of a young, vain woman for jewelry and admiring glances from men, all of these urges, all of this childish stuff, all of these simple, foolish, but immensely strong, strongly living, strongly prevailing urges and desires were now no childish notions for Siddhartha any more, he saw people living for their sake, saw them achieving infinitely much for their sake, travelling, conducting wars, suffering infinitely much, bearing infinitely much, and he could love them for it, he saw life, that what is alive, the indestructible, the Brahman in each of their passions, each of their acts. Worthy of love and admiration were these people in their blind loyalty, their blind strength and tenacity. They lacked nothing, there was nothing the knowledgeable one, the thinker, had to put him above them except for one little thing, a single, tiny, small thing: the consciousness, the conscious thought of the oneness of all life. And Siddhartha even doubted in many an hour, whether this knowledge, this thought was to be valued thus highly, whether it might not also perhaps be a childish idea of the thinking people, of the thinking and childlike people. In all other respects, theworldly people were of equal rank to the wise men, were often far superior to them, just as animals too can, after all, in some moments, seem to be superior to humans in their tough, unrelenting performance of what is necessary.
现在他待人跟以前不一样了,不再精明,不再自负,而是更热情、更好奇、更关心人了。他在摆渡通常类型的旅客,也就是孩子般的俗人、商人、士兵和女人时,觉得这些人不像以前那么生疏了:他理解他们,理解并分享他们那并非由思想和观点、而是由本能和愿望所引导的生活,觉得自己跟他们一样了。虽然他已接近于完美,身上有他最近的伤口,他却觉得这些俗人都是他的兄弟,他们的虚荣、贪心和可笑对于他已经失去了可笑之处,而是变得可理解、可爱甚至可尊敬了。一个母亲对自己孩子的盲目的爱,一个自负的父亲对自己独生子的愚蠢而盲目的自豪,一个爱打扮的年轻女人对珠宝首饰以及男人赞赏目光的盲目而疯狂的追求,所有这些欲望,所有这些幼稚,所有这些简单、愚蠢但又极为强烈、极为活跃和顽固的欲望与贪心,现在对于席特哈尔塔已不再是幼稚了,他看到人们为了这些而活着,为了这些而忙忙碌碌,四处奔波,互相打伏,吃无穷的苦,忍受无尽的烦恼。他因此而爱他们,在他们的每一种激情和每一种行动中,他都看到了生活,那种生气勃勃,那种坚不可摧,他看到了梵。这些人在其盲目的忠实以及盲目的刚强和坚韧方面是可爱和可敬的。他们不缺少什么,学者和思想家并不比他们高明,只除了一件小事,一件很细小的小事:觉悟,对一切生活统一性的清醒想法。席特哈尔塔有时甚至怀疑,对这认识、这想法是否该评价得这么高,就不定连他自己也有一种思索者的幼稚,一个思考的俗人的幼稚呢。总之,凡夫俗子在其他方面都与智者贤人不相上下,甚至还远远胜于他们,正像动物在其顽强而坚定的必要行动中有时会胜过人类一样。
For a long time, the wound continued to burn. Many a traveller Siddhartha had to ferry across the river who was accompanied by a son or a daughter, and he saw none of them without envying him, without thinking: “So many, so many thousands possess this sweetest of good fortunes-why don’t I? Even bad people, even thieves and robbers have children and love them, and are being loved by them, all except for me.” Thus simply, thus without reason he now thought, thus similar to the childlike people he had become.
那伤口很久仍然在疼。有时,席特哈尔塔摆渡某个身边带着儿子或女儿的旅客过河,心里总是很羡慕,想:“这么多人,千千万万的人,都拥有这份最温馨的幸福——为什么我偏偏没有?就连坏人,窃贼和强盗,也都有自己的孩子,既爱他们又为他们所爱,可是惟独我不行!”他想得就是这么简单,这么没有理性,他变得跟那些孩子般的俗人一模一样了。
But the wound still burned, longingly and bitterly Siddhartha thought of his son, nurtured his love and tenderness in his heart, allowed the pain to gnaw at him, committed all foolish acts of love. Not by itself, this flame would go out.
可是伤口仍灼痛不已,席特哈尔塔仍在苦苦地思念他的儿子,在心中培育他的爱心和柔情,任凭疼痛折磨自己,不惜干一切爱的蠢事。这火焰是不会自行熄灭的。
Slowly blossomed, slowly ripened in Siddhartha the realisation, the knowledge, what wisdom actually was, what the goal of his long search was. It was nothing but a readiness of the soul, an ability, a secret art, to think every moment, while living his life, the thought of oneness, to be able to feel and inhale the oneness. Slowly this blossomed in him, was shining back at him from Vasudeva’s old, childlike face: harmony, knowledge of the eternal perfection of the world, smiling, oneness.
在席特哈尔塔心中,有一种认识,有一种学问,也就是智慧到底是什么,他长期探索的目标是什么,渐渐开花,渐渐成熟了。它无非就是一种心灵的准备,一种能力,一种神秘的艺术,每时每刻,在生活当中,能够想统一的思想,能够感受和吸入这种统一。这在他心中慢慢开花了,又在瓦苏代瓦那苍老的脸上反映出来:和谐,关于世界永恒完美的认识,笑容,统一。
And one day, when the wound burned violently, Siddhartha ferried across the river, driven by a yearning, got off the boat and was willing to go to the city and to look for his son. The river flowed softly and quietly, it was the dry season, but its voice sounded strange: it laughed! It laughed clearly. The river laughed, it laughed brightly and clearly at the old ferryman. Siddhartha stopped, he bent over the water, in order to hear even better, and he saw his face reflected in the quietly moving waters, and in this reflected face there was something, which reminded him, something he had forgotten, and as he thought about it, he found it: this face resembled another face, which he used to know and love and also fear. It resembled his father’s face, the Brahman. And he remembered how he, a long time ago, as a young man, had forced his father to let him go to the penitents, how he had bed his farewell to him, how he had gone and had never come back. Had his father not also suffered the same pain for him, whichhe now suffered for his son? Had his father not long since died, alone, without having seen his son again? Did he not have to expect the same fate for himself? Was it not a comedy, a strange and stupid matter, this repetition, this running around in a fateful circle?
一天,这伤口痛得厉害,席特哈尔塔受不了思念之苦就渡过河去,下船之后打算去城里找儿子。河水在轻柔地流淌,当时正是旱季,但河水声有点儿特别:它在笑!它在清清楚楚地笑。河水在笑,在清脆响亮地嘲笑这个老船夫。席特哈尔塔停下了,他弯腰俯到水面上,想听得更清楚些。他看见自己的脸映在静静流淌的水面上,这张脸使他忆起了什么,忆起了某些已经淡记的东西。他忖思,终于发现:这张脸跟中一张他熟悉、热爱但又畏惧的脸很相似。它很像他父亲的脸,那个婆罗门的脸。他回忆起多年以前,他还是个年轻人,他怎样迫使父亲同意他出门苦修,怎样同父亲告别,离家后又怎样再也没回去。他父亲岂不是也为他受了同样的苦,就像他现在为儿子所受的苦一样?他父亲不是早就死去了吗,孤孤单单地再也没能见到儿子?他自己又何尝不会遭遇到同样的命运?这种重复,这种绕着一个倒霉的圈子旋转的循环,难道不是一出喜剧,一件奇特而荒唐的事?
The river laughed. Yes, so it was, everything came back, which had not been suffered and solved up to its end, the same pain was suffered over and over again. But Siddhartha want back into the boat and ferried back to the hut, thinking of his father, thinking of his son, laughed at by the river, at odds with himself, tending towards despair, and not less tending towards laughing along at himself and the entire world.
河水在笑。是的,事情正是如此,只要还没有熬到头,还没有得到解脱,一切都会这样重复,再三经受同样的痛苦。席特哈尔塔重又登上小船,返回了茅屋。他思念父亲,思念儿子,被河水嘲笑,与自我争执,倾向于绝望,也同样倾向于大声嘲笑自己以及整个世界。
Siddhartha sat down next to the old man, slowly he started talking. What they had never talked about, he now told him of, of his walk to the city, at that time, of the burning wound, of his envy at the sight of happy fathers, of his knowledge of the foolishness of such wishes, of his futile fight against them. He reported everything, he was able to say everything, even the most embarrassing parts, everything could be said, everything shown, everything he could tell. He presented his wound, also told how he fled today, how he ferried across the water, a childish run-away, willing to walk to the city, how the river had laughed.
席特哈尔塔坐在老人身边,开始慢慢地讲述。他现在讲的是过去从来没讲过的事,讲他当年进城之行,讲那灼痛的伤口,讲他见到别的幸福父亲时的嫉妒,讲他知道这种愿望的愚蠢,讲他进行的徒劳无益的斗争。他什么都讲,什么都肯讲,哪怕是最最难这情的事,他什么都说,什么都可以暴露,什么都可以讲出来。他展示自己的伤口,也讲了今天想逃走的事,讲他如何渡过河去,他这个幼稚可笑的逃跑者,打算去城里,以及河水如何嘲笑他。
Alas, the wound was not blossoming yet, his heart was still fighting his fate, cheerfulness and victory were not yet shining from his suffering. Nevertheless, he felt hope, and once he had returned to the hut, he felt an undefeatable desire to open up to Vasudeva, to show him everything, the master of listening, to say everything.
啊,伤口还没有开花,他的心还在同命运抗争,他的痛苦还没有放射出喜悦和胜利的光芒。可是他感觉到了希望,他回到茅屋后感觉到了一种不可抑制的愿望,要向瓦苏代瓦敞开心扉,向他坦述一切,向这位倾听的大师诉说一切。
Vasudeva was sitting in the hut and weaving a basket. He no longer used the ferry-boat, his eyes were starting to get weak, and not just his eyes; his arms and hands as well. Unchanged and flourishing was only the joy and the cheerful benevolence of his face.
瓦苏代瓦正坐在茅屋里编一个篮子。他已经不再撑船了,因为他的视力已开始衰退,不仅他的眼睛,他的胳臂和手也不行了。只有他脸上的欢乐和开朗的善意没有改变,依然神采奕奕。
While he spoke, spoke for a long time, while Vasudeva was listening with a quiet face, Vasudeva’s listening gave Siddhartha a stronger sensation than ever before, he sensed how his pain, his fears flowed over to him, how his secret hope flowed over, came back at him from his counterpart. To show his wound to this listener was the same as bathing it in the river, until it had cooled and become one with the river. While he was still speaking, still admitting and confessing, Siddhartha felt more and more that this was no longer Vasudeva, no longer a human being, who was listening to him, that this motionless listener was absorbing his confession into himself like a tree the rain, that this motionless man was the river itself, that he was God himself, that he was the eternal itself. And while Siddhartha stopped thinking of himself and his wound, this realisation of Vasudeva’s changed character took possession of him, and the more he felt it and entered into it, the less wondrous it became, the more he realised that everything was in order and natural, that Vasudeva had already been like this for a long time, almost forever, that only he had not quite recognised it, yes, that he himself had almost reached the same state. He felt, that he was now seeing old Vasudeva as the people see the gods, and that this could not last; in his heart, he started bidding his farewell to Vasudeva. Thorough all this, he talked incessantly.
他讲啊讲,讲了很久,瓦苏代瓦脸色平静地倾听着。席特哈尔塔觉得瓦苏代瓦此刻的倾听比他以往感到的更强有力,他感觉到了自己的痛苦、自己的忧虑如何传过去,他的隐密的希望如何传过去,再从老人那边传回来。向这位倾听者展示自己的伤口,就像他们在河里洗澡一样,一直洗到浑身都凉快了,与河水融为一体。席特哈尔塔一直在讲述,滔滔不绝地坦白和忏悔,他越来越感到听他讲的不再是瓦苏代瓦,不再是一个人,这个一动不动的倾听者吸取了他的忏悔,就像是一棵树吸足了雨水,这个一动不动的人就是河水,就是神,就是永恒。当席特哈尔塔不再想自己以及自己的伤口时,这种认为瓦苏代瓦已改变了本质的认识支配了他,他越是感受到这点,越是深入探究,就越是不奇怪,越是认识到,一切都很正常和自然,瓦苏代瓦早就是这样,几乎一直是这样,只不过他自己没有完全认识到而已。是的,他自己也几乎没有什么不同。他觉得,他现在这样看待老瓦苏代瓦,就像凡人看待神,这是不会长久的;他已开始开始在心里向瓦苏代瓦告别。而与此同时,他仍然在一直不停地讲述着。
“You’ve heard it laugh,” he said. “But you haven’t heard everything. Let’s listen, you’ll hear more.”
“你听到河水笑,”他说,“但是你并没有听见一切。咱们再听听,你会听到更多。”
When he had finished talking, Vasudeva turned his friendly eyes, which had grown slightly weak, at him, said nothing, let his silent love and cheerfulness, understanding and knowledge, shine at him. He took Siddhartha’s hand, led him to the seat by the bank, sat down with him, smiled at the river.
他讲完之后,瓦苏代瓦便用他那亲切的、有些昏花的目光望着他,不说话,只是默默地向他传送着爱与快乐,传送着理解与体谅。他拉起席特哈尔塔的手,带着他来到河边的老地方,和他一起坐下来,笑着面向河水。
They listened. Softly sounded the river, singing in many voices. Siddhartha looked into the water, and images appeared to him in the moving water: his father appeared, lonely, mourning for his son; he himself appeared, lonely, he also being tied with the bondage of yearning to his distant son; his son appeared, lonely as well, the boy, greedily rushing along the burning course of his young wishes, each one heading for his goal, each one obsessed by the goal, each one suffering. The river sang with a voice of suffering, longingly it sang, longingly, it flowed towards its goal, lamentingly its voice sang.
他们凝神细听,河水那多声部的合唱柔和地鸣响着。席特哈尔塔望着河水,在流淌的水中映出了一系列画面:他父亲出现了,孤孤单单,因思念儿子而悲伤;他自己出现了,孤孤单单,也是被思念远方儿子的烦恼束缚着;他儿子出现了,同样孤孤单单,正在他的青春欲望的轨道上向前闯荡。每个人都很痛苦。河水以一种痛苦的声音低吟,渴望地低吟着,渴望了流向自己的目标,声音如泣如诉。
“Do you hear?” Vasudeva’s mute gaze asked. Siddhartha nodded.
“你听见了吗?”瓦苏代瓦无声地目光在问。席特哈尔塔点点头。
Siddhartha made an effort to listen better. The image of his father, his own image, the image of his son merged, Kamala’s image also appeared and was dispersed, and the image of Govinda, and other images, and they merged with each other, turned all into the river, headed all, being the river, for the goal, longing, desiring, suffering, and the river’s voice sounded full of yearning, full of burning woe, full of unsatisfiable desire. For the goal, the river was heading, Siddhartha saw it hurrying, the river, which consisted of him and his loved ones and of all people, he had ever seen, all of these waves and waters were hurrying, suffering, towards goals, many goals, the waterfall, the lake, the rapids, the sea, and all goals were reached, and every goal was followed by a new one, and the water turned into vapour and rose to the sky, turned into rain and poured down from the sky, turned into a source, a stream, a river, headed forward once again, flowed on once again. But the longing voice had changed. It still resounded, full of suffering, searching, but other voices joined it, voices of joy and of suffering, good and bad voices, laughing and sad ones, a hundred voices, a thousand voices.
席特哈尔塔努力更仔细地倾听。父亲的形象,他自己的形象,儿子的形象,都相互交融在一起,就连卡玛拉的形象也出现了,随后又变模糊,还有戈文达的形象,其他人的形象,都错杂交融在一起,全部汇入河水,作为河水奔向目标,热切、渴望和痛苦地奔向目标。河水的声音充满了渴望,充满了火辣辣的疼痛,充满了无法满足的欲求。河水在向着自己的目标奔流,席特哈尔塔望着它匆匆流去。这河水由他、他的亲人以及他见过的所有人组成,浪花奔腾,匆匆地奔向目标,奔向许多目标,奔向瀑布,奔向湖泊,奔向急流,奔向大海,到达了所有的目标,而在每一个目标之后又跟着另一个新目标!于是,水变成了蒸汽,升上天空,变成雨再从天而降,成为泉水,成为小溪,成为河流,再重新奔流,重新流淌。但是,那渴望的声音变化了。它依然充满痛苦地、探索地鸣响,但是已有别的声音加入进来,快乐和痛苦的声音,美好和丑恶的声音,欢笑和悲伤的声音,成百种声音,上千种声音。
“Listen better!” Vasudeva whispered.
“再仔细听!”瓦苏代瓦低语。
Siddhartha listened. He was now nothing but a listener, completely concentrated on listening, completely empty, he felt, that he had now finished learning to listen. Often before, he had heard all this, these many voices in the river, today it sounded new. Already, he could no longer tell the many voices apart, not the happy ones from the weeping ones, not the ones of children from those of men, they all belonged together, the lamentation of yearning and the laughter of the knowledgeable one, the scream of rage and the moaning of the dying ones, everything was one, everything was intertwined and connected, entangled a thousand times. And everything together, all voices, all goals, all yearning, all suffering, all pleasure, all that was good and evil, all of this together was the world. All of it together was the flow of events, was the music of life. And when Siddhartha was listening attentively to this river, this song of a thousand voices, when he neither listened to the suffering nor the laughter, when hedid not tie his soul to any particular voice and submerged his self into it, but when he heard them all, perceived the whole, the oneness, then the great song of the thousand voices consisted of a single word, which was Om: the perfection.
席特哈尔塔凝神细听。他现在是专注地倾听者,完全沉浸在倾听中,一片空白,全力吸入,他感到此刻自己已经把倾听学到家了。他原来也常听到这一切,河水中这许许多多的声音,但今天显得格外新奇。他已经不再能区分这许多声音,分不出欢笑声与哭泣声,分不出小孩声与成人声,它们全都混杂在一起,渴望的抱怨和知情的欢笑,愤怒的叫喊和垂死的呻吟,全都浑然一体,全都相互交织和相互连接,千百次地缠绕纠结在一起。把一切集合到一起,把一切声音、一切目标、一切欲念、一切痛苦、一切喜悦、一切善与恶都集合到一起,就是这个世界。把一切集合到一起就构成了事件之河,构成了生活的音乐。当席特哈尔塔全神贯注地倾听这河水的声音,倾听这支包含了千百种声音的歌曲时,当他不管烦恼也不管欢笑,他的心不是受制于某一种声音,而是让他的自我融入其中,什么都听,听见整体,听见统一时,那么,这支由上千种声音组成的伟大歌曲就凝聚成了一个字,那就是“唵”——完美无瑕。
Brightly, Vasudeva’s smile was shining, floating radiantly over all the wrinkles of his old face, as the Om was floating in the air over all the voices of the river. Brightly his smile was shining, when he looked at his friend, and brightly the same smile was now starting to shine on Siddhartha’s face as well. His wound blossomed, his suffering was shining, his self had flown into the oneness.
瓦苏代瓦的笑容粲然生辉,照亮了他那衰老脸庞的所有皱纹,宛如“唵”飘荡在河水的所有声音之上。他望着朋友,笑容粲然,于是,席特哈尔塔脸上也澜出了同样的笑容。他的伤口开花了,他的痛苦放出了光彩,他的自我融入了统一之中。
In this hour, Siddhartha stopped fighting his fate, stopped suffering. On his face flourished the cheerfulness of a knowledge, which is no longer opposed by any will, which knows perfection, which is in agreement with the flow of events, with the current of life, full of sympathy for the pain of others, full of sympathy for the pleasure of others, devoted to the flow, belonging to the oneness.
在这个时刻,席特哈尔塔停止了与命运的抗争,停止了烦恼。在他的脸上显现出知识的快乐,意志不再与他作对,它了解完美,赞同事件之河,赞同生活之流,满怀同情,满怀喜悦,热衷于流淌,从属于统一。
When Vasudeva rose from the seat by the bank, when he looked into Siddhartha’s eyes and saw the cheerfulness of the knowledge shining in them, he softly touched his shoulder with his hand, in this careful and tender manner, and said: “I’ve been waiting for this hour, my dear. Now that it has come, let me leave. For a long time, I’ve been waiting for this hour; for a long time, I’ve been Vasudeva the ferryman. Now it’s enough. Farewell, hut, farewell, river, farewell, Siddhartha!”
瓦苏代瓦从岸边坐的地方站起来,注视着席特哈尔塔的眼睛,看到他眼中闪耀着知识的快乐,便以他那谨慎温柔的方式用手轻轻抚摸他的肩,说道:“我一直在等着这一时刻,亲爱的。现在它终于来临了,让我去吧。我等候这一时刻已经很久了,就像我一直是船夫瓦苏代瓦一样。现在可以结束了。再会吧,茅屋,再会吧,河水,再会吧,席特哈尔塔!”
“Do you hear,” Vasudeva’s gaze asked again.
“你听见了吗?”瓦苏代瓦的目光又在问。
“I’m going into the forests, I’m going into the oneness,” spoke Vasudeva with a bright smile.
“我要去森林里,我要融入统一。”瓦苏代瓦容光焕发的说。
With a bright smile, he left; Siddhartha watched him leaving. With deep joy, with deep solemnity he watched him leave, saw his steps full of peace, saw his head full of lustre, saw his body full of light.
他容光焕发地去了。席特哈尔塔目送他远去。他怀着深深的快乐和深深的诚意目送老人远去,望着他步伐平和宁静,望着他头顶华光灿烂,望着他身体光芒四射。
“I’ve known it,” he said quietly. “You’ll go into the forests?”
“我已经知道了。”他小声说,“你要去森林里?”
Siddhartha made a deep bow before him who bid his farewell.
席特哈尔塔向这位辞行者深深鞠了一躬。
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