第九章: 挑衅行为 Sure As Hell Didn’t See That One Coming
“It’s downhill. You coasted the whole way.”
“都是下山的路。你可以一路滑行过来的。”
“C’mon kid. At least help me inside.”
“别这样，孩子。起码把我推进屋去。”
I gritted my teeth but decided that he’d be more likely to cause trouble with Sam if I didn’t lie to him for a few minutes.
我咬咬牙，觉得如果这个时候不花几分钟哄哄他，他会在山姆那里给我制造更多的麻烦。
“Got a minute, Jake?”
“能谈一下吗，杰克？”
I didn’t really plan to say goodbye to my father.
我并不打算去跟我的父亲告别。
I rolled his chair up the little ramp I’d made for him and into the living room.
我推着他上了一个我替他做的小缓坡道，然后进了客厅。
“Since when do you need help, old man?”
“从什么时候开始你也需要帮助了，老头子？”
But Billy was expecting me, knowing I’d be in some kind of state. He was in the yard, just sitting there in his wheelchair with his eyes right on the spot where I came through the trees. I saw him judge my direction — headed straight past the house to my homemade garage.
但是比利知道我有些盘算，正等着我呢。他就在院子里，坐在轮椅上，但是眼睛却盯着我钻出树林的方向。我看见他正在判断我的去向——径直绕过房子去到我自制的车库。
After all, one quick call to Sam and the game would be up. They’d cut me off and push me back. Probably try to make me angry, or even hurt me — somehow force me to phase so that Sam could lay down a new law.
毕竟，只要给山姆一个简短的电话，我的游戏就泡汤了。他们会半路阻截我，并迫使我回头。也许存心激怒我，甚至不惜伤害我——逼迫我变身，这样山姆就可以制定新的规则。
He laughed his rumbling laugh. “My arms are tired. I pushed myself all the way here from Sue’s.”
他保持着一贯的带有喉音的笑声。“我手酸了。我可是一路从苏那里推过来的。”
I skidded to a stop. I looked at him and then toward the garage.
我立即停下了脚步。看着他，接着仍旧向车库走去。
“I know.”
“我知道。”
Billy put his hands on the wheels and steered himself to the fridge. “Any food left?”
比利两手放在椅轮上，向冰箱驶去。“还有吃的吗？”
Billy’s joking tone vanished, and his eyes got soft. “We’ve only had her home a few weeks. First time she’s been here in a long time. It’s hard — the girls were older than you when your mom passed. They have more trouble being in this house.”
比利玩笑的语气弱了下去，眼神柔和起来。“以前她回家才和我们一起住上几星期。这是头一次她能留那么久。这不容易——这孩子在你母亲过世的时候就变得比你成熟了。这个家还有很多问题。”
“You got me. Paul was here all day, though, so probably not.”
“你难倒我了。保罗整天都在这里，所以应该没有了。”
“You’re gonna wreck that chair, you know. And then you’ll be dragging yourself around by your elbows.”
“你会毁了那把椅子的，你知道。然后你还会把胳膊给掐进去。”
“Caught me. Think I got up to about thirty miles per hour. It was great.”
“你说对了。我想时速应该上了30英里吧。感觉真棒。”
“You won’t be going many places.”
“你又不会去很多地方。”
“Tell Rachel to go stay at his place.”
或者告诉雷切尔去他那儿呆着。”
“Not a chance. It’ll be your job to carry me.”
“才不可能呢。那就该轮到你来背我了。”
Billy sighed. “Have to start hiding the groceries if we’re gonna avoid starvation.”
比利叹了口气。“如果我们不想饿死的话，该储藏些食物了。”
Rebecca hadn’t been home once since she got married, though she did have a good excuse. Plane tickets from Hawaii were pretty pricey. Washington State was close enough that Rachel didn’t have the same defense. She’d taken classes straight through the summer semesters, working double shifts over the holidays at some cafe on campus. If it hadn’t been for Paul, she probably would have taken off again real quick. Maybe that was why Billy wouldn’t kick him out.
丽贝卡自从结婚后就没回过家，虽然她似乎有个不错的借口。从夏威夷回来的机票可是很费钱的。而华盛顿州实在太近以至于雷切尔没有了相同的借口。她直接从夏季学期继续后面的课程，在校园里的一些咖啡馆里打两份工。如果不是保罗，她可能又一次很快就离开了。也许那也是为什么比利不把他踢出门的原因。
I stood with my back to him, hiding my face.
我背对他站着，藏起表情。
“Nothing happened. Sam’s giving them a bye. Guess we’re all just a bunch of leech lovers now.”
“没事发生啊。山姆只是和他们随便聊聊。猜我们现在已经是吸血鬼的爱护者了。”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“我不想谈这件事。”
“Jake…”
“杰克……”
He cocked his head to the side, and his eyes narrowed. “Don’t you?”
他向一边歪过头，眯起眼睛。“还没有吗？”
“Are you leaving, son?”
“你要走了吗，儿子？”
The room was quiet for a long time while I decided how to say it.
我想着该怎么回答，房间里沉寂了许久。
“Wait up, Jake. Aren’t you going to tell me what happened? Do I have to call Sam for an update?”
“等一下，杰克。你不想告诉我发生了些什么吗？或者我需要打个电话给Sam，让他给我更新一下情况。”
“She’d rather sleep on the floor than lose you. So would I.”
“如果要失去你的话，她宁愿睡在地上。我也是。”
“Rachel can have her room back. I know she hates that air mattress.”
“雷切尔可以把她的房间拿回来了。我知道她讨厌充气床垫。”
“Jacob, please. If you need… a break. Well, take it. But not so long again. Come back.”
“雅各布，求你了。如果你需要……休息的话。好啊，随你便。但是不要有那么长时间。要回来啊。”
“Jake, look at me.”
“杰克，看着我。”
I snorted.
我轻哼。
I turned around slowly. “What?”
我慢慢地转过去。“什么？”
“I don’t really have a specific place in mind.”
“我心中还没有一个特定的地方。”
“Maybe. Maybe my gig will be weddings. Make a cameo at Sam’s, then Rachel’s. Jared and Kim might come first, though. Probably ought to have a suit or something.”
“也许吧。也许婚礼会是我的表演舞台。在山姆的婚礼上扮演个小角色，然后是Rachel的。虽然第一对办婚礼的可能会是贾里德和基姆。也许该买身西装什么的了。”
He stared into my eyes for a long minute. “Where are you going?”
他许久地对视着我的双眼。“你要去哪儿？”
“Well, I’m going to go work on some stuff…” I started for the back door.
“额，我有些活儿要干……”我说话的时候望着后门。
We stared each other down. The seconds ticked by.
我们俩都被对方盯得局促不安。时间一秒秒过去。
“Jacob,” he said. His voice was strained. “Jacob, don’t. It’s not worth it.”
“雅各布，”他紧张地说。“雅各布，不要去。这不值得。”
I stared at him for a second, and then I crossed the room in two long strides. I grabbed the phone and disconnected the cable from the box and the jack. I wadded the gray cord up in the palm of my hand.
我看着他，接着两个大跨步穿过房间，抓起电话，拔掉了电话线。灰色的电缆线在我手中被揉成一团。
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“我不知道你在说什么。”
“Leave Bella and the Cullens be. Sam is right.”
“让贝拉和卡伦家的人去。山姆是对的。”
“Bye, Dad.”
“再见，爸爸。”
“Jake, wait –,” he called after me, but I was out the door, running.
“杰克，等……”他在我后面大喊，但是我已经出了门，跑了起来。
The motorcycle wasn’t as fast as running, but it was more discreet. I wondered how long it would take Billy to wheel himself down to the store and then get someone on the phone who could get a message to Sam. I’d bet Sam was still in his wolf form. The problem would be if Paul came back to our place anytime soon. He could phase in a second and let Sam know what I was doing…
摩托车没有跑步来得快，但是却是明智之举。我想着比利要花多久才能摇着轮椅到达商店，然后打电话找到某个人可以传话给山姆的人。我打赌山姆一定还处在狼的状态中。问题是如果保罗随时可能回到家，他可以立刻变身，告诉山姆我要干嘛……
I wasn’t going to worry about it. I would go as fast as I could, and if they caught me, I’d deal with that when I had to.
我并不是很担心这部分。我得尽快赶路，如果他们抓到我，我会像之前做过的那样应对。
I kicked the bike to life and then I was racing down the muddy lane. I didn’t look behind me as I passed the house.
我蹬了下踏板，发动摩托，接着驶上了泥泞的公路。路过房子的时候，连看都没看一眼。
The highway was busy with tourist traffic; I wove in and out of the cars, earning a bunch of honks and a few fingers. I took the turn onto the 101 at seventy, not bothering to look. I had to ride the line for a minute to avoid getting smeared by a minivan. Not that it would have killed me, but it would have slowed me down. Broken bones — the big ones, at least — took days to heal completely, as I had good cause to know.
整条高速公路上满是旅游的车流，我在车与车之间来回穿梭，换来了不少喇叭声和中指。我连看都没看就以70码的速度转上101国道。我保持在自己的车道上骑行了有一分钟，是为了避免与一辆轻型货车发生碰擦。不是因为它会造成我死亡，而是有可能会减慢我的速度。摔断骨头——起码是较大的那些——需要几天才能完全恢复，这点我知道得很清楚。
The freeway cleared up a little, and I pushed the bike to eighty. I didn’t touch the brake until I was close to the narrow drive; I figured I was in the clear then. Sam wouldn’t come this far to stop me. It was too late.
等高速公路稍微空了点，我就提高到了80码的时速。在快达那条狭窄的车道之前，我几乎没踩过刹车。我应该没有被跟踪，山姆不会跑那么大老远来阻止我，这太晚了。
It wasn’t until that moment — when I was sure that I’d made it — that I started to think about what exactly I was going to do now. I slowed down to twenty, taking the twists through the trees more carefully than I needed to.
直到我肯定我已经成功了，我开始考虑接下来该干什么了。我减速到了20码，过分小心地在树林中绕行。
I knew they would hear me coming, bike or no bike, so surprise was out. There was no way to disguise my intentions. Edward would hear my plan as soon as I was close enough. Maybe he already could. But I thought this would still work out, because I had his ego on my side. He’d want to fight me alone.
我知道他们会听到我的到来，不管骑不骑摩托车，所以没有惊喜可言。也没有办法可以伪装我的真实情绪。只要我靠得够近，爱德华就能立刻知道我的计划，也许他早就知道了。但是我认为这仍然可行，因为我握着他的死穴。他想和我单挑。
The drive opened up into the meadow, and the smell hit me like a rotten tomato to the face. Ugh. Reeking vampires. My stomach started churning. The stench would be hard to take this way — undiluted by the scent of humans as it had been the other time I’d come here — though not as bad as smelling it through my wolf nose.
车道一直延伸到草坪，扑面而来的味道就像被烂番茄砸中了脸。额。恶臭的吸血鬼。我的胃开始翻腾。这股臭气是如此地浓烈，不像我曾经到这儿来的时候还掺杂着人的气味。当然这比我用狼的鼻子闻起来已经好很多了。
So I’d just walk in, see Sam’s precious evidence for myself, and then challenge Edward to a duel.
所以我只需大大咧咧地走进去，亲眼看看山姆所谓的证据，然后和爱德华决斗。
I snorted. The parasite’d probably get a kick out of the theatrics of it.
我哼了一声。寄生虫的戏码也该告一段落了。
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but there was no sign of life around the big white crypt. Of course they knew I was here.
我不清楚该预见到什么，但是这栋白色的大坟墓内似乎没有生命的迹象。当然他们知道我已经到这儿了。
I cut the engine and listened to the quiet. Now I could hear tense, angry murmurs from just the other side of the wide double doors. Someone was home. I heard my name and I smiled, happy to think I was causing them a little stress.
我关掉引擎，在一片安静中聆听了一会儿。现在我可以听到从双扇大门的后面传来的紧张，愤怒的兮嗦讲话声。
When I finished with him, I’d take as many of the rest of them as I could before they got me. Huh — I wondered if Sam would consider my death provocation. Probably say I got what I deserved. Wouldn’t want to offend his bloodsucker BFFs.
我解决了他之后，我会在剩下的人抓到我之前，尽可能多打倒一些。哈——不知道山姆会不会认为我的死是他们发出的挑衅。也许会说我自作自受。不想触怒他永远最好的吸血鬼朋友们。（BFF = best friend forever）
“Hello, Jacob,” he said, calmer than I would have expected. “How are you?”
“你好啊，雅各布，”比我预想还要平静的声音。“怎么样？”
I stared at him, dumbfounded. Was he asking to post-pone the death match for a more convenient time?
我呆若木鸡地看着他。他是不是想推迟这个死刑到一个更方便的时候？
The door opened before my fist touched it, and the doctor stood in the frame, his eyes grave.
我的拳头还没碰上去的时候，门就自动开了，那个医生就站在门沿处，神色黯淡。
I took one big gulp of air — it would only be worse inside — and leaped up the porch stairs in one bound.
我贪婪地深吸了口气——因为屋里面的空气只会更为浑浊，轻轻一跃就跨过了门廊的台阶。
I was disappointed that it was Carlisle who answered. I’d rather Edward had come through the door, fangs out. Carlisle was so… just human or something. Maybe it was the house calls he made last spring when I got busted up. But it made me uncomfortable to look into his face and know that I was planning to kill him if I could.
我有些失望地看到是卡莱尔来开的门。我宁愿从门里走出来的那个是爱德华，这不免让我有些泄气。卡莱尔有些太……太人性了。也许是因为这个春天当我受伤时，他的上门巡诊让我产生了这个看法。但是看着他的脸，心里却计划着如何杀掉他，如果条件允许的话。这点让我觉得很不舒服。
I took a deep breath through my mouth. The reek pouring through the door was overpowering.
我用嘴做了一个深呼吸。门里涌出来的恶臭让我无法招架。
“Er, Jacob, it’s not really the best time.” The doctor seemed uncomfortable, too, but not in the way I expected. “Could we do this later?”
“额，雅各布，现在不是最佳时机。”这位医生似乎看起来也不那么自在，但感觉还是与我预计的有些出入。“我们能晚些再进行吗？”
And then I heard Bella’s voice, cracked and rough, and I couldn’t think about anything else.
接着我听到了贝拉的声音，嘶哑、粗犷。我的脑袋顿时空白一片。
“I heard Bella made it back alive,” I said.
“我听说贝拉活着回来了，”我说。
I would stay away from Carlisle when the fight started. There were enough of them to kill without including him.
战斗开始后，我会尽量远离卡莱尔。不算上他，那里也有足够多的吸血鬼要我去对付了。
“Why not?” she asked someone. “Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? What’s the point?”
“为什么不？”她在问另一个人。“我们是不是也要对雅各布保密？为什么？”
Her voice was not what I was expecting. I tried to remember the voices of the young vampires we’d fought in the spring, but all I’d registered was snarling. Maybe those newborns hadn’t had the piercing, ringing sound of the older ones, either. Maybe all new vampires sounded hoarse.
她的声音并不是如我所预计的。我试着回想起这个春天与之搏斗的年轻吸血鬼的声音，但所能记起的只有他们的吼叫声。也许是因为那些新生吸血鬼就不具备像年长吸血鬼那种打动人心，银铃般的嗓音。也许所有新生吸血鬼的声音就是沙哑刺耳的。
“Come in, please, Jacob,” Bella croaked more loudly.
“进来吧，雅各布，”贝拉有些不满地拔高了嗓门。
I wondered if Bella was thirsty. My eyes narrowed, too.
我则猜想着贝拉是不是渴了。同样眯起了眼睛。
I sidestepped into the house, keeping my back to the wall. My eyes swept the room — it was unfamiliar. The last time I’d been in here it had been all done up for a party.
我横跨一步进入屋子，背贴着墙壁。眼睛大略扫过屋子，没有丝毫熟悉感。上次我来这里的时候完全还是一派派对装饰。
Carlisle’s eyes tightened.
卡莱尔绷紧了眼神。
“Excuse me,” I said to the doctor as I stepped around him. It was hard — it went against all my instincts to turn my back to one of them. Not impossible, though. If there was such a thing as a safe vampire, it was the strangely gentle leader.
“借过，”我说着，侧身越过医生。做到这点很难，因为这违背了我的本性，竟然将背对着他们中的一员。不过如果这是一个安全的吸血鬼，例如眼前这个奇怪的绅士领袖，这也不是完全不可能。
It was Edward. It was the expression on his face.
是爱德华，是他脸上的表情。
Everything was bright and pale now. Including the six vampires standing in a group by the white sofa.
现在，亮堂的房间里毫无生气，包括了那6个围着一张白色沙发站成一组的吸血鬼们。
They were all here, all together, but that was not what froze me where I stood and had my jaw dropping to the floor.
他们都在这里了，站在一起。但是这还不构成让我僵在原地，下巴差点掉到地上的原因。
I saw her at the same moment that I caught her scent. Her warm, clean, human scent.
就在我嗅到了她的气息的同时，我也看到了她。 她温暖，干净，人类的气息。
I’d seen him angry, and I’d seen him arrogant, and once I’d seen him in pain. But this — this was beyond agony. His eyes were half-crazed. He didn’t look up to glare at me. He stared down at the couch beside him with an expression like someone had lit him on fire. His hands were rigid claws at his side.
我见识过他的愤怒，我见识过他的傲慢，也曾有一次见识过他的痛苦。但是这，这已经超出了痛苦可以形容的范围了。他的眼睛呈一种半错乱的状态，甚至都没有抬头瞧一眼我。只是低着头看着身边的沙发，表情好似正在接受烈焰的炙烤。指关节收缩，摒成爪状。
I couldn’t even enjoy his anguish. I could only think of one thing that would make him look like that, and my eyes followed his.
我甚至没有心情去享受他痛不欲生的表情。只有一个人才能让他被折磨到这样，于是我也顺着他的眼神望去。
Bella was half-hidden behind the arm of the sofa, curled up in a loose fetal position, her arms wrapped around her knees. For a long second I could see nothing except that she was still the Bella that I loved, her skin still a soft, pale peach, her eyes still the same chocolate brown. My heart thudded a strange, broken meter, and I wondered if this was just some lying dream that I was about to wake up from.
沙发的扶手遮住了贝拉一半的身形，她松松地蜷曲着身体，双手环抱住膝盖，有点像胎儿在母体中的姿势。她依旧是那个我爱的贝拉，有很长一段时间，我除了这个什么都看不到。她的皮肤依旧柔软，带着浅浅的桃红色，她的眸子依然是原来那巧克力的棕色。我心跳的指针就像一台坏掉了的计码器一样，狂乱地摆动着，怀疑这是不是一场自欺欺人的梦，终有一天会醒来。
There were deep circles under her eyes, dark circles that jumped out because her face was all haggard. Was she thinner? Her skin seemed tight — like her cheekbones might break right through it. Most of her dark hair was pulled away from her face into a messy knot, but a few strands stuck limply to her forehead and neck, to the sheen of sweat that covered her skin. There was something about her fingers and wrists that looked so fragile it was scary.
眼睛下面是一大圈深陷的眼袋，深色的眼袋在她形容枯槁的脸上显得更为凸出了。她是不是瘦了？她的皮肤紧绷着，颧骨眼看就要戳出来一截了。栗色的头发大部分都被松散地扎在脑后，但仍然有几缕无力地垂在前额和颈间，黏在汗津津的皮肤上。她的手指和手腕看起来是如此脆弱易折，让人看着就觉得害怕。
Then I really saw her.
但她就那么真切地在我眼前。
The blond bloodsucker — the showy one, Rosalie — bent over her, cutting into my view, hovering in a strange, protective way.
那个金发吸血鬼——总是搔首弄姿的那个，罗莎莉——俯下身去，遮住了我的视线，用一种奇怪的，充满保护性的姿势在她身边盘踞着。
Not a lie. The story Charlie’d told Billy was not a story. While I stared, eyes bugging, her skin turned light green.
不是骗人的。卡莱尔告诉比利的故事不是编的。就在我上下打量她的时候，她的皮肤变得有些轻微发绿。
This was wrong. I knew how Bella felt about almost everything — her thoughts were so obvious; sometimes it was like they were printed on her forehead. So she didn’t have to tell me every detail of a situation for me to get it. I knew that Bella didn’t like Rosalie. I’d seen it in the set of her lips when she talked about her. Not just that she didn’t like her. She was afraid of Rosalie. Or she had been.
这不对啊。贝拉看待事物的态度我大体全都知道，因为她的想法是那么明显；有些时候都甚至都写在脸上。所以她不需要告诉我事情的每个细节，我就能明白大概。我知道贝拉不喜欢罗莎莉，我可以从她谈到这个人时候的唇形就能判别出来。不仅仅是出于不喜欢，而是她害怕罗莎莉。好吧，过去曾害怕过。
She was sick. Very sick.
她病了，病得非常严重。
There was no fear as Bella glanced up at her now. Her expression was… apologetic or something. Then Rosalie snatched a basin from the floor and held it under Bella’s chin just in time for Bella to throw up noisily into it.
现在贝拉掠过她的眼神中已经没有了畏惧。而是一种……充满歉疚或之类的表情。只见罗莎莉从地上抄起一个脸盆，及时凑到了贝拉的下巴下面，后者正好大口大口地吐了起来。
Edward fell to his knees by Bella’s side — his eyes all tortured-looking — and Rosalie held out her hand, warning him to keep back.
爱德华跪在贝拉的身边，备受折磨地看着，而罗莎莉抬起手示意，警告他别靠近。
When she could raise her head, Bella smiled weakly at me, sort of embarrassed. “Sorry about that,” she whispered to me.
当贝拉终于可以抬起头来，她虚弱地朝我微微一笑，好像有些尴尬。“那个真是不好意思。”她轻声地对我说。
None of it made sense.
这一切，没有一件事情是讲得通的。
Edward moaned real quiet. His head slumped against Bella’s knees. She put one of her hands against his cheek. Like she was comforting him.
爱德华无声地哀嚎起来。他低垂的脑袋搁在Bella的双膝之间。而她则伸出一只手贴在他的脸颊上，好像是在安抚他的样子。
I didn’t realize my legs had carried me forward until Rosalie hissed at me, suddenly appearing between me and the couch. She was like a person on a TV screen. I didn’t care she was there. She didn’t seem real.
我的腿带动身体向前走去，而我完全没有意识到这个举动，直到突然出现在我和沙发之间的罗莎莉向我发出了嘘声。她就像个只存在于电视屏幕上的人物，我不在乎她是不是在那儿。她看起来是那么的不真实。
Blondie moved out of my way, though I could tell she hated to do it. Scowling at me, she crouched by Bella’s head, tensed to spring. She was easier to ignore than I ever would have dreamed.
那个金发妞儿这才让开了路，虽然我能感觉到她不乐意这么做。冲我皱皱眉，弯腰屈膝地罩在贝拉的头顶，准备随时发起跳跃攻击。忽视她，比我想象中要容易做到。
“Rose, don’t,” Bella whispered. “It’s fine.”
“罗莎，不要，”贝拉有气无力地说。“不要紧的。”
“Bella, what’s wrong?” I whispered. Without thinking about it, I found myself on my knees, too, leaning over the back of the couch across from her… husband. He didn’t seem to notice me, and I barely glanced at him. I reached out for her free hand, taking it in both of mine. Her skin was icy. “Are you all right?”
“贝拉，出什么事了？”我低声问。不受意识控制地，我发现我也已经跪坐在了地上，身子倚着沙发靠背，前倾越过她的……丈夫。他似乎都没有注意到我，而我也不怎么看他。她的另一只手被合握在我的双手间。她的皮肤冰冷。“你还好吗？”
Even though I knew Edward couldn’t hear her thoughts, he seemed to hear some meaning I didn’t. He moaned again, into the blanket that covered her, and she stroked his cheek.
即使我知道爱德华不能听见她的想法，但是他似乎也听出来她的话里有话，而我却没有。他将头埋在包裹她的毯子里，再次哀鸣了起来，而她抚摸着他的脸颊。
“I’m so glad you came to see me today, Jacob,” she said.
“我很高兴你今天能来看我，雅各布。”她说。
It was a stupid question. She didn’t answer it.
这真是个愚蠢的问题。她没有作答。
“What is it, Bella?” I insisted, wrapping my hands tight around her cold, fragile fingers.
“是怎么回事，贝拉？”我坚持要问个究竟，同时握紧了手中她那冰冷，无力的手指。
Instead of answering, she glanced around the room like she was searching for something, both a plea and a warning in her look. Six pairs of anxious yellow eyes stared back at her. Finally, she turned to Rosalie.
她没有回答，而是环顾房间，好像在搜寻些什么，表情看起来既像是一种恳求，又像是一种警告。六双金色的眼睛也跟着她的视线到处扫视。最后，她转向了罗莎莉。
“Help me up, Rose?” she asked.
“能帮我起来吗，罗莎？”她问到。
Rosalie’s lips pulled back over her teeth, and she glared up at me like she wanted to rip my throat out. I was sure that was exactly the case.
罗莎莉瞥了我一眼，然后做龇牙咧嘴状，好像要把我的脖子给拧下来。我知道她可是会说到做到的。
“No,” I whispered. “Don’t get up…” She looked so weak.
“不要，”我低声说。“别站起来……”她看起来是那么虚弱。
“Please, Rose.”
“求你了，罗莎。”
“I’m answering your question,” she snapped, sounding a little bit more like the way she usually talked to me.
“我在回答你的问题。”她没好气地打断我，听起来很接近她原来的说话方式。
The blonde made a face, but leaned over her again, next to Edward, who didn’t move an inch. She put her arm carefully behind Bella’s shoulders.
金发妞儿冲我做了个鬼脸，再次对着贝拉弯下腰去。爱德华就在她旁边，一寸都没有移动过。她将手臂小心地搭在贝拉的肩后。
Rosalie pulled Bella off the couch. Edward stayed where he was, sagging forward till his face was buried in the cushions. The blanket fell to the ground at Bella’s feet.
罗莎莉拉着贝拉从沙发里站起来。爱德华依旧在那里，任由自己一头栽进靠垫里。毛毯滑落到了贝拉的脚边。
I saw it then, but I still couldn’t believe it. I’d seen her just a month ago. There was no way she could be pregnant. Not that pregnant.
我看到了，但是我始终无法相信。我一个月前才刚见过她，没理由那么快就会怀孕。怀孕到这个地步。
Bella’s body was swollen, her torso ballooning out in a strange, sick way. It strained against the faded gray sweatshirt that was way too big for her shoulders and arms. The rest of her seemed thinner, like the big bulge had grown out of what it had sucked from her. It took me a second to realize what the deformed part was — I didn’t understand until she folded her hands tenderly around her bloated stomach, one above and one below. Like she was cradling it.
贝拉的身体肿得很厉害，躯干像吹气球一样病态的鼓胀起来。紧紧地撑起那件褪了色的灰色汗衫，而在肩膀和手臂的部分衣服又显得太大了。她身体的其余部分似乎更瘦了，膨胀的肿瘤好像是因为吸食了她的四肢养分才长那么大的。我花了整整一秒钟时间才明白过来这畸形的部分是什么——直到看到她轻轻地将双手放在她浑圆的腹部，一只手放在上端，另一只手拖在下端。好像怀抱着摇篮中的婴儿。
I didn’t want to see this, didn’t want to think about this. I didn’t want to imagine him inside her. I didn’t want to know that something I hated so much had taken root in the body I loved. My stomach heaved, and I had to swallow back vomit.
我不想看见这些，不愿意去想这些。我不愿意想象他进入她体内的样子。我不愿意知道我如此憎恨的某样东西竟然还在我深爱的人的体内生根发芽。我不得不强咽下胃里涌上的呕吐感。
His head snapped up as he heard the words inside mine. One second we were both on our knees, and then he was on his feet, towering over me. His eyes were flat black, the circles under them dark purple.
他听到了我内心的想法，猛地抬起头。一开始我们两个都是跪着的姿势，接着他站了起来，一下子高出我好多。他的眼睛呈乌黑色，瞳孔边缘的一圈则是深紫色。
Because it was a monster. Just like its father.
因为它是一个怪物，跟它的父亲一个德行。
Except that she was.
但是她确实是这个样子。
But it was worse than that, so much worse. Her distorted body, the bones jabbing against the skin of her face. I could only guess that she looked like this — so pregnant, so sick — because whatever was inside her was taking her life to feed its own…
眼前的景象比那个更糟糕，糟糕千百倍。她的身体被严重扭曲，脸瘦得皮包骨头。她这副模样——如此深度的怀孕，如此奄奄一息——因为不管她体内的是什么，那玩意儿正吸干着她的生命来喂饱自己……
“Outside, Jacob,” he snarled.
“外面去，雅各布。”他大喊着说。
I always knew he would kill her.
我一直知道他终有一天会害死她。
The big one, Emmett, pushed forward on Edward’s other side, with the hungry-looking one, Jasper, right behind him. I really didn’t care. Maybe my pack would clean up the scraps when they finished me off. Maybe not. It didn’t matter.
那个大块头，埃美特，上前一步站到了爱德华的另一侧；而那个看起来营养不良的贾斯帕则紧紧站在他后面。我不在乎。当他们解决了我之后，也许我的狼群们会来清理这帮杂碎。也许不会。这都无所谓。
I was on my feet, too. Looking down on him now. This was why I was here.
我也跟着站了起来。现在可以低头看着他。这就是我来这里的原因。
“Let’s do this,” I agreed.
“我们一起，”我同意说。
“No,” Bella gasped, and she stumbled forward, out of balance, to clutch at Edward’s arm. Rosalie moved with her, like there was a chain locking them to each other.
“不，”贝拉颤颤巍巍地向前栽去，没有平衡感可言，一把攫住爱德华的手臂。罗莎莉也跟着她一起移动，好像两人之间有根无形的锁链把她们拴在了一起。
She stared at his face, reading it carefully. Then she nodded and drooped toward the couch. Rosalie helped lower her back onto the cushions. Bella stared at me, trying to hold my eyes.
她凝视着他的脸，仔细地端详着。接着她点了点头，跌落回沙发中。罗莎莉扶着她坐下，将背靠在了靠垫上。贝拉又注视着我，试图引起我的注意。
For the tiniest part of a second my eyes touched on the two standing in the back. Esme. Alice. Small and distractingly feminine. Well, I was sure the others would kill me before I had to do anything about them. I didn’t want to kill girls… even vampire girls.
在这短短的瞬间内，我还看到了另两个一直站在后面的人。埃斯梅，爱丽丝。娇小但是让我分心的女性。是的，我很肯定如果我敢对她们两个怎么样，其他人一定会杀了我。我不愿意杀死女性……即使是女性的吸血鬼。
Though I might make an exception for that blonde.
虽然那个金发的可能是例外。
“I just need to talk to him, Bella,” Edward said in a low voice, talking only to her. He reached up to touch her face, to stroke it. This made the room turn red, made me see fire — that, after all he’d done to her, he was still allowed to touch her that way. “Don’t strain yourself,” he went on, pleading. “Please rest. We’ll both be back in just a few minutes.”
“我只是有话要和他说，贝拉，”爱德华把声音压得老低，只说给她一个人听。他把手伸向她的脸，爱抚了起来。这个举动让整个房间都变成了红色，让我看到了火——他对她做出了所有这些伤害后，竟然还能被允许这样的触碰她。“别勉强你自己，”他带着恳求的语气接着说下去。“去休息吧，我们两个几分钟后就回来。”
“Behave,” she insisted. “And then come back.”
“别胡来，”她的语气很坚持。“然后回来。”
I didn’t answer. I wasn’t making any promises today. I looked away and then followed Edward out the front door.
我没有回答。今天我不准备做出任何承诺。我望向别处，然后跟着爱德华出了前门。
A random, disjointed voice in my head noted that separating him from the coven hadn’t been so difficult, had it?
脑海中一个不羁的声音提醒我：把爱德华和其他的族人分开并不困难，不是吗？
He kept walking, never checking to see if I was about to spring at his unprotected back. I supposed he didn’t need to check. He would know when I decided to attack. Which meant I’d have to make that decision very quickly.
他就这么走在前头，从没有回头看看我是否在准备随时攻击他那不设防的背后。我认为他根本不需要检查，如果我决定攻击的话，他一定会知道。这就意味着我必须做出快速决定。
“I’m not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black,” he whispered as he paced quickly away from the house. “You’ll have to have a little patience.”
“我还没有打算让你现在就杀了我，雅各布·布莱克。”他继续迈着快步远离屋子。“你只要再耐心等一下。”
He stopped without warning and pivoted to face me. His expression froze me again.
他毫无预警地停下了脚步，向后回转面对我。他的表情再次让我噤若寒蝉。
Like I cared about his schedule. I growled under my breath. “Patience isn’t my specialty.”
好像我很关心你的安排似的。我低低地吼道。“耐心并不是我的擅长。”
He kept walking, maybe a couple hundred yards down the drive away from the house, with me right on his heels. I was all hot, my fingers trembling. On the edge, ready and waiting.
我紧紧跟在他身后，沿着车道继续走了大约有几百码。我浑身燥热，手指也不停地颤抖着。差不多了，我已经准备好变身，等待时机的到来。
For a second I was just a kid — a kid who had lived all of his life in the same tiny town. Just a child. Because I knew I would have to live a lot more, suffer a lot more, to ever understand the searing agony in Edward’s eyes.
眼下我好像只是一个孩子——只是一个和他在同一个小镇过了一辈子的孩子。小毛孩一个。因为我似乎需要活更长的时间，体验更多的苦痛，才能理解爱德华眼中灼人的切肤之痛。
And different because this wasn’t my fault.
不同的是，这次不是我的错误造成的。
For a moment I couldn’t speak. It was too real, this face — I’d seen a shadow of it in the house, seen it in her eyes and his, but this made it final. The last nail in her coffin.
有那么一刻，我连话也说不出来。这是个残酷的现实。我见过那怪胎给这个房子带来的阴影，也在她和他的眼中见到过那怪胎带来的折磨，但是眼下的这个表情意味着结束。贝拉的棺材上被敲入了最后一颗钉子。
“It’s killing her, right? She’s dying.” And I knew when I said it that my face was a watered-down echo of his. Weaker, different, because I was still in shock. I hadn’t wrapped my head around it yet — it was happening too fast. He’d had time to get to this point. And it was different because I’d already lost her so many times, so many ways, in my head. And different because she was never really mine to lose.
“这会杀了她，对不对？她要死了。”我说这些的时候意识到我的脸被泪水打湿了，像是在呼应他的痛苦。我的力量弱了下去，情绪也有些不同了，因为我仍处于震惊中。我还没有办法接受这个现实——这一切来得太快了。他应该也经历过这样的时期。但这不一样，因为在我已经因为各种原因无数次地失去过她。但是不同的是，她从来都不曾是我的。
This was the face a man would have if he were burning at the stake.
这个男人好像正在经历被碎尸万段的酷刑。
He raised a hand as if to wipe sweat from his forehead, but his fingers scraped against his face like they were going to rip his granite skin right off. His black eyes burned in their sockets, out of focus, or seeing things that weren’t there. His mouth opened like he was going to scream, but nothing came out.
他抬起手，看似要去抹掉前额的汗水，却见手指挖扣着自己的脸，像是要把脸上那花岗岩般坚硬的皮肤给扒下来。眼窝中黑色的眸子好像在燃烧，眼神失焦，或者看着某些其实不存在的东西。他张开嘴想要尖啸，但是半天发不出声音来。
“My fault,” Edward whispered, and his knees gave out. He crumpled in front of me, vulnerable, the easiest target you could imagine.
“是我的错，”爱德华低声说，他跪倒在地。崩溃、脆弱，在我面前不堪一击，是你可以想象到的最容易得手的对象。
His broken helplessness irritated me. I wanted a fight, not an execution. Where was his smug superiority now?
他的无助激怒了我。我想要的是对战，而不是审判。他自以为是的优越感哪儿去了？
“Yes,” he groaned into the dirt, like he was confessing to the ground. “Yes, it’s killing her.”
“没错。”他用干涩的声音呻吟说，几乎是趴在地上在忏悔。“是的，这会杀了她。”
But I felt cold as snow — there was no fire in me.
但是我感到的确是雪一样的寒冷——体内的火焰早已荡然无存。
He looked up then and answered me in a tired voice. Like he was explaining this to a kindergartener for the tenth time. “She won’t let us.”
他抬头看着我，用疲累的声音回答我的话。好像第十次在和一个幼儿园的小朋友解释同一个问题。“她不允许我们这样做。”
“You know her well,” he whispered. “How quickly you see… I didn’t see. Not in time. She wouldn’t talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened — that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was resolving. Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran right into Rosalie’s arms. Rosalie’s! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking. I didn’t understand until I heard that. Yet you understand after one second…” He half-sighed, half-groaned.
“你那么了解她，”他低声说。“你看到的，生长得那么迅速……我以前不知道，没有及时知道。整个回家的路上她都没怎么和我说话。我以为她在害怕，这很正常。我以为她在生我的气，让她经历这些，将她置于危险。再说一次，我从来不曾想到她真正的想法，她下决心要去做的事。直到我们的家人到机场来接我们，而她直接奔向了罗莎莉的怀抱。是罗莎莉！接着我听到了罗莎莉的思想，一直不明缘由的我才恍然大悟。你不也很快就明白了吗……”他半叹着气，半哀鸣地说到。
It took a minute for the words to sink in. Jeez, she was running true to form. Of course, die for the monster spawn. It was so Bella.
我花了一分钟的时间去理解这句话。天哪，她还真是一如既往。当然，为了这个怪物小畜生而死。确实是贝拉会做的事情。
“So why hasn’t Carlisle done anything?” I growled. “He’s a doctor, right? Get it out of her.”
“那么为什么卡莱尔不想些办法呢？”我怒吼起来。“他是个医生，对吗？把它从她体内弄走。”
“Just back up a second. She won’t let you.” The sarcasm was acid on my tongue. “Did you ever notice that she’s exactly as strong as a normal hundred-and-ten-pound human girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs.”
“就像你刚刚说的，说白了，是她不允许你。”我的语气中带着酸涩的挖苦。“你们难道以前没有注意到她就只是一个体重110磅的人类女性吗？你们这些吸血鬼怎么那么笨？打昏她或者用药物让她昏迷都可以。”
Oh. His story hadn’t made much sense before, but it fit together now. So that’s what Blondie was up to?
Oh。他的故事之前听起来没有半点头绪，现在都串在一起了。那个金发妞儿准备干什么？
What, too noble were they?
什么，他们是不是太清高了呢？
What was in it for her, though?
话说回来她身体里的到底是个什么东西？
“You should have left Bella with me.”
“你应该把贝拉交给我。”
“Emmett and Esme are backing her up. Emmett would never let us… and Carlisle won’t help me with Esme against it…” He trailed off, his voice disappearing.
“埃美特和埃斯米也站在她那边。埃美特绝对不会让我们……而卡莱尔也不会帮着我在这件事情上和埃斯米作对……”他的声音渐轻，直到听不见。
“Maybe,” he said. “Rosalie doesn’t look at it quite that way.”
“也许吧，”他说。“罗莎莉可不这么认为。”
It was a bit late for that, though. Maybe he should have thought about all this before he knocked her up with the life-sucking monster.
现在才说这个未免有些太迟了。在他让她怀上这个吸食生命的杂种之前，他应该考虑到这一切的。
“So take the blonde out first. Your kind can be put back together, right? Turn her into a jigsaw and take care of Bella.”
“所以先打倒那个金发的。你们这种不是可以回头还可以再拼接起来的么，对吗？把她大卸八块，然后照顾好贝拉。”
“I wanted to,” he whispered. “Carlisle would have…”
我想的，”他低声说。“卡莱尔想要……”
“Yes.”
“是的。”
“No. Not noble. Her bodyguard complicated things.”
“不，不是清高。但她的保镖让事情复杂化了。”
Did the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad?
那个选美皇后果真想要贝拉死得那么难看吗？
“Killing me now doesn’t save her,” he said quietly.
“现在杀了我也救不了她，”他平静地说。
“When the human should get ripped to shreds in the process?”
“直到当她在这个过程中被撕成碎片？”
“Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself.”
“甚至是你，雅各布·布莱克，恨我的程度还不及我憎恨我自己的。”
“So what does?”
“那么怎么做才可以？”
“We didn’t know,” he said, the words as quiet as a breath. “I never dreamed. There’s never been anything like Bella and I before. How could we know that a human was able conceive a child with one of us –“
“我们本来不知道的，”他的话语安静地好像呼吸声。“我做梦也没有想到。在我和Bella之前没有先例。我们怎么会知道人类可以怀上我们这类生物的孩子——”
“Yes,” he agreed in a tense whisper. “They’re out there, the sadistic ones, the incubus, the succubus. They exist. But the seduction is merely a prelude to the feast. No one survives.” He shook his head like the idea revolted him. Like he was any different.
“是的，”他支吾地同意说。“他们就那里来的，那些丧心病狂的家伙，那些梦魔，女妖的故事。他们是存在的。不伦只是诱人的开头，故事的最后没有人能够幸免。”他摇摇头，这些念头让他反感。好像他有多么不同似的。
Wrong, I thought, too enraged to speak.
你错了，我这样想着，愤怒得说不出话来。
He kept staring at me with those half-tired, half-crazy eyes. “For her?”
他仍然睁着半涣散，半疯狂的眼睛盯着我。“那为了她呢？”
“The hell I do, parasite!”
“去死吧，你这寄生虫！”
He stared up at me with a face that looked a thousand years old.
他抬头看着我，那张脸像饱经了千年的沧桑。
“I didn’t realize they had a special name for what you are,” I spit.
“我头一回听到你们还有那么特别的名字，”我吐了口唾沫。
He stared up at me from inside his own personal hell, and I could see that he agreed with me.
他把自己关在自我构筑起的地狱中注视着我，我可以看得出来他也同意这一点。
“Jacob, you have to do something for me.”
“雅各布，你得帮我做些事情。”
“You know her, Jacob. You connect to her on a level that I don’t even understand. You are part of her, and she is part of you. She won’t listen to me, because she thinks I’m underestimating her. She thinks she’s strong enough for this…” He choked and then swallowed. “She might listen to you.”
“你了解她，雅各布。你和她在某种层面上的联系是我做不到的。你是她的一部分，她也是你的一部分。她不听我的，因为她认为我低估了她，她认为她足够坚强可以挺过这一次……”他吞下哽咽继续说。“她也许会听你的。”
I clenched my teeth together hard. “I did everything I could to keep her away from you. Every single thing. It’s too late.”
我咬紧牙齿。“我会做我能做到的一切让她远离你。每一件事。现在太晚了。”
He lurched to his feet, his eyes burning brighter than before, wilder. I wondered if he was really going crazy. Could vampires lose their minds?
他倒向一边，眼睛里的火焰较之前燃得更旺，更狂野了。我都怀疑他是不是真的疯了。吸血鬼也有可能失去心智吗？
“I can’t tell her anything you haven’t. What do you want me to do? Tell her she’s stupid? She probably already knows that. Tell her she’s going to die? I bet she knows that, too.”
“你什么都说过了，我还能说什么呢。你想让我怎么做？告诉她，她很蠢？她很可能早就知道了。告诉她，她马上就要死了？我打赌她也知道了。”
“Why would she?”
“为什么她会？”
“Maybe,” he answered my thought. “I don’t know. It feels like it.” He shook his head. “I have to try to hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill. She can’t keep anything down as it is. I have to be composed; I can’t make it harder. But that doesn’t matter now. She has to listen to you!”
“也许吧，”他回答了我的想法。“我不知道，但是看起来像。”他摇摇头。“在她面前我必须掩饰这一点，因为压力只会让她病得更严重。她无法再承受这样的打击了。我不得不表现得很沉着，不能再添乱了。但是现在好了，她会听你的！”
He wasn’t making any sense. Part of the crazy?
他没有任何意义。疯狂的一部分？
“You can offer her what she wants.”
“你可以给她，她想要的。”
“I don’t care about anything but keeping her alive,” he said, suddenly focused now. “If it’s a child she wants, she can have it. She can have half a dozen babies. Anything she wants.” He paused for one beat. “She can have puppies, if that’s what it takes.”
“只要能让她活下去，我什么都不在乎，”他的眼神突然聚焦。“如果她想要孩子，她可以有的。她可以有半打的小孩。任何他想要的。”他顿了一下。“她可以养小狗，如果有必要的话。”
He met my stare for a moment and his face was frenzied under the thin layer of control. My hard scowl crumbled as I processed his words, and I felt my mouth pop open in shock.
他和我对视了一会儿，心中的狂怒溢于言表。他的话打散了我的愁容，当我逐渐理解到他的意思时，吃惊得嘴都合不上了。
The noise coming from my throat sounded like I was choking.
喉咙里升腾起的噪声让我喘不过气。
“But not this way!” he hissed before I could recover. “Not this thing that’s sucking the life from her while I stand there helpless! Watching her sicken and waste away. Seeing it hurting her.” He sucked in a fast breath like someone had punched him in the gut. “You have to make her see reason, Jacob. She won’t listen to me anymore. Rosalie’s always there, feeding her insanity — encouraging her. Protecting her. No, protecting it. Bella’s life means nothing to her.”
“反正不是现在这个样子！”我还没能来得及恢复过来，他就发出了鄙夷的嘘声。“不是现在眼睁睁地看着那个东西吸干她的生命却什么都做不了！看着她病情与日加重，日渐消瘦。看着那东西伤害她。”他像被人一拳打中了肚子一样，快速地喘着气。“你要让她看到理由，雅各布。她不会再听我任何话了。罗莎莉一直在那里，放任她的疯狂——去鼓励她，保护她。不，是保护那玩意儿，如果Bella的生命对她来说无足轻重。”
“Not enough.”
“没有那么爱。”
I didn’t want to consider, didn’t want to imagine, but the images came anyway. I’d fantasized about Bella that way too many times, back when there was still a possibility of us, and then long after it was clear that the fantasies would only leave festering sores because there was no possibility, none at all. I hadn’t been able to help myself then. I couldn’t stop myself now. Bella in my arms, Bella sighing my name…
我不愿意去考虑，不愿意去想象，但是臆想的画面还是出现了。明知不可能，但是我还是无数次幻想贝拉回来后我们两个还能有机会。没有一点可能，所以那些幻想就只能在我体内腐败溃烂。但我还是会忍不住去想，现在更加无法控制自己了。贝拉在我的怀抱中，Bella呼唤着我的名字……
“That’s the craziest thing you’ve said yet,” I mumbled.
“这是你说过的最疯狂的话。”我喃喃地说。
“Whichever. Whatever keeps her alive.”
“随便你怎么认为。只要能让她活下去。”
So tempting.
确是如此诱人的条件。
“Don’t you know her at all?”
“难道你还不了解她吗？”
I couldn’t think about what he was suggesting. It was too much. Impossible. Wrong. Sick. Borrowing Bella for the weekends and then returning her Monday morning like a rental movie? So messed up.
我无法思考他提出的建议。太多了。不可能。错误。变态。像租借某部电影一样，周末把贝拉借回家，然后周一早上归还？什么乱七八糟的。
“She’s ready to die to have a child. Maybe she’d accept something less extreme.”
“她都可以为了小孩而献出自己的生命。也许她可以接受不是那么极端的方法。”
“She loves you.”
“她爱你。”
“I know, I know. It’s going to take a lot of convincing. That’s why I need you. You know how she thinks. Make her see sense.”
“我知道，我知道，这要花上大量的功夫去说服她。所以我才需要你。你知道她是怎么想的。让她看到理智。”
What was he saying? That Bella should, what? Have a baby? With me? What? How? Was he giving her up? Or did he think she wouldn’t mind being shared?
他说了什么？Bella贝拉？养个孩子？和我？什么？怎么办？他是不是准备放弃她了？或者他不在乎和别人共享她？
I shook my head fast. He waited, ignoring the negative answer because he could hear the conflict in my thoughts.
我迅速摇摇头。他等着，无视我的表态，因为他可以听见我脑内的思想斗争。
“At least try.”
“至少试试看。”
I tried to escape the venomous weed in my mind. “Make Bella see sense? What universe do you live in?”
我试着摆脱思想中疯狂滋长着的毒素。“让贝拉看到理智？你到底有什么样的人生观啊？”
“I’ve been thinking of nothing but ways to save her since I realized what she was planning to do. What she would die to do. But I didn’t know how to contact you. I knew you wouldn’t listen if I called. I would have come to find you soon, if you hadn’t come today. But it’s hard to leave her, even for a few minutes. Her condition… it changes so fast. The thing is… growing. Swiftly. I can’t be away from her now.”
自打我知道了她的计划后，知道了她不惜牺牲自己的生命都要去做的事情后，我所考虑的就是如何挽救她。但是我不知道怎么联系上你。如果我打电话给你，你肯定是不会听的。如果你今天不来，我也会很快就来找你。但是离开她太难了，即使只是几分钟。她的状况……变化太快了。那个东西……还在生长，非常迅速。现在的我无法离开她身边。”
“Where is this psycho crap coming from? Are you making this up as you go?”
“这样的胡言乱语是哪儿来的？你自己随便想出来的吗？”
Worse still, this new image I’d never had before, one that by all rights shouldn’t have existed for me. Not yet. An image I knew I wouldn’t’ve suffered over for years if he hadn’t shoved it in my head now. But it stuck there, winding threads through my brain like a weed — poisonous and unkillable. Bella, healthy and glowing, so different than now, but something the same: her body, not distorted, changed in a more natural way. Round with my child.
更糟糕的是，在有了之前不属于我的权利后，我看到了之前不敢奢望的画面。不止这样，如果他没有把这个想法强加给我，我也不会在将来的岁月中地饱受这种想法的折磨。但是这个念头就这样在我的脑袋中生根发芽——明知有毒但是却无法扼杀。健康，容光焕发的贝拉，和现在截然不同，但是有些事情还是维持了原状：她的身体，不会遭受扭曲，以更加自然的方式发生变化。挺起的肚子里是我的孩子。
“None of us have any idea. But it is stronger than she is. Already.”
“我们没人知道。但是它比她要来得强健。早就是这样了。”
It would hurt me. Hadn’t I taken enough rejection from Bella without this?
这会伤害我。这之前，难道我还没有被贝拉拒绝够吗？
“Help me stop it,” he whispered. “Help me stop this from happening.”
“帮我阻止它。”他低声说。“帮我阻止这一切的发生。”
“How? By offering my stud services?” He didn’t even flinch when I said that, but I did. “You’re really sick. She’ll never listen to this.”
“怎么做？靠我提供的中介服务？”即使我说了这样的话，他都没有退缩的意思，但是我有。“你真变态。她才不会听从这个建议呢。”
“What is it?”
“那玩意儿是什么？”
“A little pain to save her? Is it such a high cost?”
“付出小小的痛苦来拯救她？这是很高的代价吗？”
I could suddenly see it then — see the swelling monster in my head, breaking her from the inside out.
它好像立刻就出现在我的眼前——我脑海中浮现出那个日益膨胀的怪物，正在从里到外把她摧毁。
“Try. There’s nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?”
“试试吧。现在已经没有什么好再害怕失去的了。这会产生伤害吗？”
“Maybe not. Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe she’ll falter in her resolve. One moment of doubt is all I need.”
“也许不会。也许这会让她犹疑，也许这会让她的决心动摇。我所要争取的就只是片刻的犹豫。”
“But it won’t work.”
“但是这不会有用的。”
“If she wants a child, that’s what she gets. I won’t rescind.”
“如果她想要个孩子，她会得到的。我说话算话。”
“And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? ‘Just kidding, Bella’?”
“接着你就可以反悔你开出的条件？‘只是开个玩笑的，贝拉’？”
I couldn’t believe I was even thinking about this. Bella would punch me — not that I cared about that, but it would probably break her hand again. I shouldn’t let him talk to me, mess with my head. I should just kill him now.
很难想象我甚至在考虑这个方法。Bella会再打我的——我是没所谓但是这可能会再次让她的手骨折。我不应该让他和我谈话的，把我的思路搅得一团糟。我应该现在就杀了他。
“You won’t have to beg long.”
“我不会让你哀求很长时间的。”
“Not now,” he whispered. “Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her, and you know it. No need to be hasty. If she won’t listen to you, you’ll get your chance. The moment Bella’s heart stops beating, I will be begging for you to kill me.”
“不是现在，”他低声说。“还没到时间。不管是对是错，这会毁了她，你知道的。不必着急。如果她不听你的，你也会得到你的回报。贝拉心脏停止跳动的那一时刻，我就会求你杀了我的。”
“Then we have a deal.”
“我们成交。”
The hint of a worn smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I’m very much counting on that.”
他的嘴角扬起一丝憔悴的笑容。“那我就指望你了。”
He nodded and held out his cold stone hand.
他点点头，伸出他那冰冷的岩石般的手。
Swallowing my disgust, I reached out to take his hand. My fingers closed around the rock, and I shook it once.
强压下恶心，我也向他伸出了手。我的手指握住那块石头，握了一次。
“We have a deal,” he agreed.
“成交。”他赞同地说。
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