The wind shook the tent again, And I shook with it.
风又摇撼帐篷了，我也一起颤抖起来。
The temperature was dropping. I could feel it through the down bag, through my jacket. I was fully dressed, my hiking boots still laced into place. It didn’t make any difference. How could it be so cold? How could it keep getting colder? It had to bottom out sometime, didn’t it?
温度骤然下降了，透过身下的睡袋和我的夹克我能感觉到这一点。我全副武装，徒步旅行靴的鞋带还系着，不过一点区别都没有。怎么会这么冷呢？怎么会越来越冷呢？总得有触底的时候吧，对不对？
“W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?” I forced the words through my rattling teeth.
“几，几，几，点，点，钟了？”我从牙缝中挤出这几个字，牙齿咯吱作晌。
“Two,” Edward answered.
“两点。”爱德华回答道。
Edward sat as far from me as possible in the cramped space, afraid to even breathe on me when I was already so cold. It was too dark to see his face, but his voice was wild with worry, indecision, and frustration.
无
“Maybe…”
“或许……”
“No, I’m f-f-f-f-f-fine, r-r-r-really. I don’t w-w-w-want to g-go outside.”
“不，我很，很，很，好，真，真，真的。我不想，想，出，出，去。”
He’d tried to talk me into making a run for it a dozen times already, but I was terrified of leaving my shelter. If it was this cold in here, protected from the raging wind, I could imagine how bad it would be if we were running through it.
他已经试图说服我出去跑几圈了，但是我很害怕离开我的庇护所。如果这里面都这么冷的话，这里还挡着怒吼的狂风呢，我能想象如果我们在风里跑的话情况会有多么糟糕。
And it would waste all our efforts this afternoon. Would we have enough time to reset ourselves when the storm was over? What if it didn’t end? It made no sense to move now. I could shiver my way through one night.
而且这会浪费我们今天下午的所有努力。暴风雪结束之后我们会有足够的时间重新留下踪迹，安排计划吗？要是它不结束呢？现在出去毫无意义，我能战战兢兢地过一夜。
“What can I do?” he almost begged.
“我能做什么？”他几乎是在祈求。
I was worried that the trail I had laid would be lost, but he promised that it would still be plain to the coming monsters.
我很担心我留下的踪迹会消失，但是他保证对于正往这里赶过来的魔鬼们而言还是很明显的。
“He’s just worried about you,” Edward translated. “He’s fine. His body is equipped to deal with this.”
“他只是很担心你，”爱德华翻译道，“他很好，他的身体有专门应付这种天气的装备。”
Out in the snow, Jacob whined unhappily.
就在外面飞舞的雪中，雅各布不高兴地哀鸣着。
“G-g-g-get out of h-h-h-ere,” I ordered, again.
“出，出，出，去。”我命令道，这是第二次了。
Jacob whimpered, a high-pitched, grating sound of complaint.
雅各布呜咽起来，这次音调很高，发出刺耳的抱怨声。
I just shook my head.
我只是摇头。
“I’m ok-k-k-k-k-k-kay,” I protested. Judging from Edward’s groan and the muted growl outside the tent, I hadn’t convinced anyone. The wind rocked the tent roughly, and I shuddered in harmony with it.
“我很，很，很，好。”我反驳道。从爱德华饱受折磨的叹息声和帐篷外面降低音量的咆哮声判断，我没有让任何人信服。风肆元忌惮地撼动着帐篷，我和它协调地一起颤抖。
“H-h-h-h-h-h.” I wanted to say that he should still leave, but I couldn’t get it past my teeth. I nearly bit my tongue off trying. At least Jacob did seem to be well equipped for the snow, better even than the others in his pack with his thicker, longer, shaggy russet fur. I wondered why that was.
“呵，呵，呵。”我想说他还是应该离开，但是我说不出口。我试着说的时候差点咬下舌头。至少雅各布的确有应付这种天气的装备，甚至比狼人团体中其他人的装备更好，他那棕褐色的皮毛很凌乱，比他们的要长一些，也要浓密一些。
“What do you want me to do?” Edward growled, too anxious to bother with politeness anymore. “Carry her through that? I don’t see you making yourself useful. Why don’t you go fetch a space heater or something?”
“你想要我做什么？”爱德华咆哮道，他太焦躁了，根本无心理会礼貌不礼貌的事情了。“抱着她穿过那里？我不明白你为什么认为这样会让自己更有用，为什么你不去取个空间加热器之类的东西？”
A sudden howl ripped through the roar of the wind, and I covered my ears against the noise.
突然一声怒吼撕破了狂风的咆哮，我捂住耳朵不去听这喧闹的噪音。
“Better than anything you’ve come up with,” Jacob answered, his human voice startling me.”Go fetch a space heater,” he grumbled. “I’m not a St. Bernard.”
“比你想到的点子都要好一些，”雅各布回答道，他人类的声音令我震惊不已，“去取空间加热器，”他满腹牢骚地说道，“我可不是圣伯纳犬。”
I heard the sound of the zipper around the tent door pulling swiftly down.
我听见帐篷门上的拉链咝的一声飞快地拉了下来。
Edward scowled. “That was hardly necessary,” he muttered. “And that’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard,” he called more loudly.
爱德华低声吼道，那几乎没有必要，”他低声说道，“那是我听过的更糟糕的主意。”他提高音量大声叫道。
“I don’t like this,” Edward hissed as Jake zipped the tent door shut. “Just give her the coat and get out.”
“我不喜欢这样，”杰克拉上拉链关上帐篷门的时候，爱德华咝咝地说道，“给她外套然后出去。”
Jacob slid through the smallest opening he could manage, while the arctic air flowed in around him, a few flecks of snow falling to the floor of the tent. I shivered so hard it was a convulsion.
雅各布从他能钻进的最小的缝隙里不知不觉地溜了进来，围绕在他周围的寒冷空气也飘了进来，几片雪花飘落在帐篷内的地面上。我颤抖得很厉害，就像抽搐一样。
I tried to ask what they were talking about, but all that came out of my mouth was, “W-w-w-w-w-w,” as the shivering made me stutter uncontrollably.
我想要问他们在讨论什么，但是从我嘴巴里冒出来的是，“什，什，什，”因为颤抖使我不由自主地结结巴巴起来。
My eyes were adjusted enough to see shapes — Jacob was carrying the parka that had been hanging on a tree next to the tent.
我的眼睛刚刚调整到能够看清楚人形——雅各布手里拿着他挂在帐篷旁边那棵树上的派克式夹克衫。
Edward’s hand was suddenly hard on his shoulder, restraining, snow white against the dark skin. Jacob’s jaw clenched, his nostrils flaring, his body recoiling from the cold touch. The long muscles in his arms flexed automatically.
爱德华的手突然牢牢地抓住他的肩膀，想要阻止他，他的手在黝黑的皮肤映衬下像雪一样白。雅各布绷紧下巴，他的鼻尖气得冒烟了，身体因为冰冷的触碰弹了回去，胳膊上长长的肌肉自动地绷紧了。
“J-J-J-J-Jake, you’ll f-f-f-freez-z-z-ze,” I tried to complain.
“杰，杰，杰克，你会冻，冻，冻死的。”我想要埋怨。
“The parka’s for tomorrow — she’s too cold to warm it up by herself. It’s frozen.” He dropped it by the door. “You said she needed a space heater, and here I am.” Jacob held his arms as wide as the tent allowed. As usual, when he’d been running around as a wolf, he’d only thrown on the bare essentials — just a pair of sweats, no shirt, no shoes.
“派克明天穿——她太冷了，自己根本不能暖和起来，太严寒了。”他把衣服扔在门边，“你说她需要一个空间加热器，现在我来了。”雅各布把胳膊舒展得和帐篷一样宽。和往常一样，当他要变成狼在四周跑动的时候，他只会穿上必要的衣物——一条运动裤，不穿衬衣，不穿鞋子。
“Keep your hands off of her,” Edward answered blackly.
“把你的手从她身上拿开。”爱德华郁闷地答道。
“Not me,” he said cheerfully. “I run at a toasty one-oh-eight point nine these days. I’ll have you sweating in no time.”
“不是我，”他兴高采烈地说道，“这些天我暖烘烘的，体温高达四十二度了，不出多少时间我就会让你开始流汗的。”
Edward snarled, but Jacob didn’t even look at him. Instead, he crawled to my side and started unzipping my sleeping bag.
爱德华咆哮着，但是雅各布连看都没看他一眼。相反，他爬到我身边，开始拉开我的睡袋拉链。
“Get your hand off of me,” he growled through his teeth.
“把你的手拿开。”他透过牙缝低声吼道。
‘D-d-d-don’t f-f-f-f-fight,” I pleaded. Another tremor rocked through me. It felt like my teeth were going to shatter, they were slamming together so hard.
“不，不，不要，打，打，打架。”我请求道。另一阵战栗涌遍我的全身，感觉我的牙齿就要粉碎了一样，它们猛烈地砰砰地撞在一起直打架。
“Try to relax,” he suggested as another shiver rippled through me violently. “You’ll be warm in a minute. Of course, you’d warm up faster if you took your clothes off.”
“试着放松，”另一阵颤抖猛烈地涌遍我的全身，他建议道，“你一会儿就会暖和起来了。当然了，如果你把衣服脱掉的话会暖和得更快的。”
‘S-s-s-s-sorry,” I stuttered.
“对，对，对不起。”我结巴道。
“Scoot over, Bella,” he said, zipping the sleeping bag open farther.
“挪开一点儿，贝拉。”他说道，一边把睡袋的拉链拉得更开一些。
He crammed his body into the nonexistent space, forcing the zipper up behind himself.
他让自己的身体填满根本不存在的空间，迫使拉链在他背后拉开了。
And then I couldn’t object — I didn’t want to anymore. He was so warm. His arms constricted around me, holding me snugly against his bare chest. The heat was irresistible, like air after being underwater for too long. He cringed when I pressed my icy fingers eagerly against his skin.
接着我就无法反对了——我再也不想反对了。他那么温暖，他的胳膊抱紧我，让我暖和而舒服地躺在他赤裸的胸脯旁边。这种热量是无法抗拒的，就像空气在水底下封闭的时间太久了想要释放出来一样。当我迫不及待地把冰冷的十指贴在他的皮肤上时，他退缩了一下。
Edward hesitated, then his hand fell away and he slid back to his position in the corner.
爱德华犹豫了一下，接着他的手落了下来，他又一个箭步回到他在角落里的位置。
“I’m sure she’ll thank you for this when her toes turn black and drop off,” Jacob snapped.
“我确定当她的脚指头变青后掉下来的时候，她会因此而感谢你的。”雅各布厉声说道。
His voice was flat and frightening. “Watch yourself.”
他的声音直截了当，也令人感到害怕：“你给我小心点儿。”
“Jeez, you’re freezing, Bella,” he complained.
“呀，你都冻僵了，贝拉。”他抱怨道。
I stared at him in outrage. No wonder Edward was reacting this way.
我愤怒地盯着他，难怪爱德华会有这样的反应。
Jacob chuckled.
雅各布轻轻地笑了笑。
“N-n-n-n-n,” I tried to protest.
“不，不，不，”我想要反对。
“Don’t be stupid,” he said, exasperated. “Don’t you like having ten toes?”
“别傻了，”他生气地说道，“难道你不想有十个脚指头吗？”
“Your lips are still blue,” he mused. “Want me to warm those up for you, too? You only have to ask.”
“你的嘴唇还是青的，”他打趣道，“你也想我帮你暖暖它们吗？你只要开口就行了。”
“C-c-cut it out, Jake,” I said angrily, though my body refused to even try to pull away from him. “N-n-n-nobody really n-n-n-n-needs all ten t-t-t-toes.”
“别，别说了，杰克，”我生气地说道，尽管我的身体甚至拒绝从他身边移开，“没，没，没有人真的需，需，需要十个脚指，指，指头。”
Edward sighed heavily.
爱德华深深地叹了叹气。
“True,” Edward agreed.
“那倒是。”爱德华同意道。
“Of course I am.” Edward’s voice was velvet again, under control, a musical murmur in the darkness. “You don’t have the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what you’re doing for her, mongrel.”
“我当然嫉妒，”爱德华的声音又变成天鹅绒了，他控制着自己的语气，在黑暗中像音乐般的呢喃，你根本想象不出我有多么希望自己能做到你现在为她做的事情，杂种狗。”
“There,” Jacob said, pleased. “Feeling better?”
“哎，”雅各布高兴地说道，“感觉好些了吗？”
“Behave yourself,” I muttered, pressing my face against his shoulder. He flinched again when my cold skin touched his, and I smiled with slightly vindictive satisfaction.
“规矩一点儿。”我低声说道，把脸靠在他的肩膀上。我冰冷的皮肤碰到他的时候，他又缩了回去，我带着些许胜利，心满意足地笑了起来。
“Those are the breaks,” Jacob said lightly, but then his tone soured. “At least you know she wishes it was you.”
“那只不过是中场休息罢了，”他不屑一顾地说道，不过紧接着他的语气就变得酸溜溜的了，至少你知道她希望是你。”
I was finally able to speak clearly. “Yes.”
我终于可以口齿清楚地说话了：“是的。”
Edward growled sharply.
爱德华尖声地咆哮起来。
The shuddering slowed, became bearable while they wrangled.
颤抖慢了下来，他们的争吵也变得可以容忍了。
“That’s just a simple fact,” Jacob defended himself. “Survival one-oh-one.”
“这只不过是个简单的事实，”雅各布自我辩护道，“生存101。”
“Don’t worry about the bloodsucker,” Jacob suggested, and his tone was smug. “He’s just jealous.”
“别担心吸血鬼，”雅各布建议道，满口自鸣得意的语气，“他只是嫉妒罢了。”
It was already warm and snug inside the sleeping bag. Jacob’s body heat seemed to radiate from every side — maybe because there was so much of him. I kicked my boots off, and pushed my toes against his legs. He jumped slightly, and then leaned his head down to press his hot cheek against my numb ear.
睡袋里面已经很暖和，很舒适了。雅各布身体的热量似乎从各个方向辐射开来——或许是因为他占了那么大的空间吧。我踢掉靴子，用脚指头推他的腿，他轻轻地跳了一下，接着低头把滚烫的脸颊强行贴在我麻木的耳朵上。
I noticed that Jacob’s skin had a woodsy, musky scent — it fit the setting, here in the middle of the forest. It was nice. I wondered if the Cullens and the Quileutes weren’t just playing up that whole odor issue because of their prejudices. Everyone smelled fine to me.
我注意到雅各布的皮肤有一种森林里的麝香味——很适合此刻我们在森林中央的情景，这很好。我不知道卡伦家族和奎鲁特是否只是由于他们的偏见才使他们对彼此的气味心存厌恶的，每个人的味道对我来说都很好。
The storm howled like an animal attacking the tent, but it didn’t worry me now. Jacob was out of the cold, and so was I. Plus, I was simply too exhausted to worry about anything — tired from just staying awake so late, and aching from the muscle spasms. My body relaxed slowly as I thawed, piece by frozen piece, and then turned limp.
暴风雪就像动物袭击帐篷一样呼啸着，但是现在这已经不让我担心了。雅各布已经不在冰天雪地之中了，我也不再冰冷了。此外，我只是太疲惫而不能担心任何事情了——仅仅是因为这么晚了还是醒着的，因为肌肉痉挛引起的疼痛。随着我的身体一片一片地融化，我也开始放松了，然后变得柔软了。
“Jake?” I mumbled sleepily. “Can I ask you something? I’m not trying to be a jerk or anything, I’m honestly curious.” They were the same words he’d used in my kitchen… how long ago was it now?
“杰克，”我困倦地咕哝道，“我可以问你个问题吗？我不是想要当傻瓜之类的，我真的只是很好奇。”这和他在我厨房里所说的话一模一样……那是离现在多久以前的事情呢？
He didn’t answer right away this time, and Edward laughed under his breath.
这一次他没有马上回答，爱德华轻声地笑了起来。
“Sure,” he chuckled, remembering.
“当然。”他想起来时轻声地笑了笑。
“Because my hair is longer,” he said, amused — my question hadn’t offended him, at least. He shook his head so that his unkempt hair — grown out to his chin now — tickled my cheek.
“因为我的头发要长一些。”他说道，感到很有趣——至少，我的问题没冒犯他。他摇摇头，这样他蓬乱的头发——现在又长到下巴上来了——慢慢地在我脸颊上移葫酒起来。
Jacob made an annoyed sound. “Oh, he’ll tell you anyway, so I might as well… I was growing my hair out because… it seemed like you liked it better long.”
雅各布发出一声恼怒的声音：“噢，不管怎样他会告诉你的，所以我不妨……我留长发是因为……好像你更喜欢它长一点儿。”
“Why are you so much furrier than your friends? You don’t have to answer if I’m being rude.”
“为什么你比你的朋友们多那么多毛？如果我很不礼貌的话，你可以不回答。”
I didn’t know the rules for etiquette as they applied to werewolf culture.
什么样的礼仪规矩才适用于狼人文化，在这一点上我就不懂了。
“Oh.” I was surprised, but it made sense. So that was why they’d all cropped their hair in the beginning, when they joined the pack. “Then why don’t you cut it? Do you like to be shaggy?”
“噢，”我很惊讶，但是这也有道理，那就是为什么他们一开始加入团体的时候都剃了平头的原因吧，“那么为什么你不剪短呢？你喜欢头发蓬乱的样子吗？”
“Sorry,” I said, pausing to yawn. “I didn’t mean to pry. You don’t have to tell me.”
“对不起，”我停顿下来，打了个哈欠，“我不是想窥探别人，你没必要告诉我。”
“Oh.” I felt awkward. “I, er, like it both ways, Jake. You don’t need to be… inconvenienced.”
“哦，”我觉得很尴尬。我，呃，喜欢这两种方式，杰克。你不需要感到……不便。”
He shrugged. “Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so don’t worry about it.”
他耸了耸肩：“结果证明今天晚上非常方便，所以别担心。”
“That’s right, honey, go to sleep,” Jacob whispered.
“那很好，亲爱的，睡觉吧。”雅各布轻声说道。
“Seth is here,” Edward muttered to Jacob, and I suddenly understood the point of the howling.
“塞思来了。”爱德华对雅各布低声说道，我突然领会到咆哮的原因了。
I sighed, content, already half-unconscious.
我叹了叹气，很满足，已经有些半梦半醒了。
I didn’t have anything else to say. As the silence lengthened, my eyelids drooped and shut, and my breathing grew slower, more even.
我没有别的可说了。随着沉默的时间越来越长，我的眼睑低垂下来，然后闭上了，我的呼吸渐渐地慢了下来，更加均匀了。
“Perfect. Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you.”
“好极了，现在你可以警惕其他事情了，而我可以为你照顾你的女朋友了。”
Edward didn’t answer, but I groaned groggily. “Stop it,” I muttered.
爱德华没有回答，但是我却软弱无力地埋怨起来，“别这样。”我低声说道。
It was quiet then, inside at least. Outside, the wind shrieked insanely through the trees. The shimmying of the tent made it hard to sleep. The poles would suddenly jerk and quiver, pulling me back from the edge of unconsciousness each time I was close to slipping under. I felt so bad for the wolf, the boy that was stuck outside in the snow.
顿时鸦雀无声了，至少里面是如此。外面，狂风在树缝中呼啸而过，摇晃不定的帐篷使人难以入睡。柱子会突然猛地拉一下，抖动起来，每次都会在我就要睡着的时候把我从半梦半醒之间拉回来。我为狼人感到难过，那个陷在暴风雪中的小男孩。
My mind wandered as I waited for sleep to find me. This warm little space made me think of the early days with Jacob, and I remembered how it used to be when he was my replacement sun, the warmth that made my empty life livable. It had been a while since I’d thought of Jake that way, but here he was, warming me again.
我思绪万千等待睡梦前来找我。这个温暖的小地方使我想起以前和雅各布在一起的日子，我还记得他代替别人充当我的太阳时的情景，那种温暖使我空虚的生活变得值得活下去了。离我上次这么想他已经有很长一段时间了，不过此刻他在这里再次使我温暖了起来。
There was a brief moment of silence.
然后是片刻的沉默。
“I wish I could. You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. It’s like you’re shouting them at me.”
“我希望我能够。你不知道你那些小小的幻想有多么吵闹，就好像你对着我把它们叫喊出来一样。”
“Go to sleep, Jacob,” Edward murmured. “You’re starting to get on my nerves.”
“睡觉，雅各布，”爱德华低声咕哝道，“你开始让我不安了。”
Edward chuckled. “In your dreams.”
爱德华轻声笑道：“你做梦。”
“I’ll try to keep it down,” Jacob whispered sarcastically.
“我会试着让它们小声一点儿的。”雅各布挖苦地低声说道。
“What?” Jacob whispered back, his tone surprised.
“什么？”雅各布轻声还嘴，他的语气很惊讶。
“Please!” Edward hissed. “Do you mind!”
“求你！”爱德华嘘声道，“你留心一点儿！”
“I figured it was like that,” Jacob whispered smugly. “Sort of evens the playing field up a little, doesn’t it?”
“我猜就是那样，”雅各布沾沾自喜地小声说道，“有点儿像打了个平局一样，是不是？”
“Do you think you could attempt to control your thoughts?” Edward’s low whisper was furious.
“你认为你能尝试控制自己的思想吗？”爱德华的轻声细语非常激烈。
“Yes,” Edward answered an unspoken thought in a murmur so low I barely made it out. “I’m jealous of that, too.”
“是的，”爱德华回答了一个没说出来的想法，他的声音那么轻，我几乎没听清楚，“我也很嫉妒那一点。”
“You know, she could still change her mind,” Jacob taunted him. “Considering all the things I could do with her that you can’t. At least, not without killing her, that is.”
“你知道，她还是可能改变主意的，”雅各布奚落他道，“想一想所有那些我能做而你不能做的事情。至少，我不会杀死她，就是这样。”
“I think I will. I’m really very comfortable.”
“我想我会的，我真的非常舒服。”
“No one said you had to listen,” Jacob muttered, defiant, yet still embarrassed. “Get out of my head.”
“没人说过你不得不听，”雅各布低声说道，他的语气很挑衅，不过还是很难为情，“从我的脑袋里面滚出来。”
“Well, you see inside my head — let me see inside yours tonight, it’s only fair,” Jacob said.
“好吧，你看得见我脑子里在想什么——让我今晚走进你的，只是为了公平。”雅各布说道。
“The jealousy… it has to be eating at you. You can’t be as sure of yourself as you seem. Unless you have no emotions at all.”
“嫉妒……它不得不蚕食你，你甚至不可能像你表现出来的那样确定，除非你一点儿感情都没有。”
“Do you think about it all the time?” Jacob whispered. “Does it make it hard to concentrate when she’s not with you?”
“你一直都在考虑这些吗？”雅各布轻声问道，“她不在的时候是不是很难集中精神？”
“Your head is full of questions. Which one do you want me to answer?”
“你满脑子都是问题，你想要我回答哪一个？”
“Of course it is,” Edward agreed, no longer amused. “Right now it’s so bad that I can barely control my voice. Of course, it’s even worse when she’s away from me, with you, and I can’t see her.”
“它当然会，”爱德华认同道，不再觉得有趣了，“现在如此艰难，我几乎无法控制自己的语气，当然当她离开我的时候，和你一起甚至会更糟糕，我看不见她。”
Edward didn’t answer.
爱德华没有回答。
I was too far gone to ask them to stop talking about me like I wasn’t there. The conversation had taken on a dreamlike quality to me, and I wasn’t sure I was really awake.
我已经太恍惚而不能叫他们别像我不在那样谈论我了。这个谈话对我而言有些梦境的成分，我不确定我是否真是醒着的。
“You can always ask and see.” Edward’s tone made me wonder if I was missing out on a joke.
“你可以一直问，一直看啊。”爱德华的语气使我对自己是否又错过了某个笑话感到好奇。
“Maybe I would,” Edward said after a moment, answering a question I hadn’t heard.
“或许我会。”过了一会儿，爱德华回答了一个我没听见的问题。
“But would you be honest?”
“不过你会很诚实吗？”
“Yes and no,” Edward said; he seemed determined to answer honestly. “My mind doesn’t work quite the same as yours. I can think of many more things at one time. Of course, that means that I’m always able to think of you, always able to wonder if that’s where her mind is, when she’s quiet and thoughtful.”
“是，又不是。”爱德华说道，他似乎决定老实地回答，“我的思维方式和你的不一样，我一次可以想许多事情。当然，那就意味着我总是能够想起你，总是会好奇当她安静下来若有所思的时候，她的心思在哪里。”
Jacob was defiant. “She’s in love with me, too, you know.”
雅各布挑战道：“她也爱我，你知道的。”
“Thank you,” Edward whispered. “Odd as this might sound, I suppose I’m glad you’re here, Jacob.”
“谢谢你，”爱德华轻声说道，“这可能听起来很奇怪，我猜想我很高兴你在这里，雅各布。”
The wind ripped around the tent, shaking it like an earthquake. Jacob’s arms tightened around me protectively.
风猛烈地吹打着帐篷，像地震一样使它摇晃不定。雅各布的胳膊把我抱得更紧了，保护着我。
Jacob sighed. “But she doesn’t know it.”
雅各布叹气道：“但是她不知道这一点。”
Edward didn’t answer.
爱德华没有回答。
“Does that bother you? Do you wish you could see what she’s thinking, too?”
“那会让你心烦意乱吗？你希望你也能看透她在想什么吗？”
They were both still for a minute.
他们两个有一会儿什么都没说。
“Yes, I would guess that she thinks about you often,” Edward murmured in response to Jacob’s thoughts. “More often than I like. She worries that you’re unhappy. Not that you don’t know that. Not that you don’t use that.”
“是的，我会猜测她经常想起你，”爱德华回应着雅各布的思想低声说道，“比我愿意看到的还要频繁，她担心你不高兴。你并不是不知道这一点，而且你也并不是没利用这一点。”
“I can’t tell you if you’re right.”
“我无法告诉你你是否正确。”
“Yes… and no, again. She likes it better this way, and, though it sometimes drives me insane, I’d rather she was happy.”
“是的……又不是的。她更喜欢这样，而且尽管有时候这样会让我发疯，我宁愿她开心。”
“That helps,” Edward agreed in a mild tone.
“那倒很有用。”爱德华语气温和地同意道。
“I have to use whatever I can,” Jacob muttered. “I’m not working with your advantages — advantages like her knowing she’s in love with you.”
“我不得不利用我能利用的一切，”雅各布低声说道，“我不打算跟你的优势竞争——比如她知道她爱你的优势。”
“You mean, ‘as much as I’d love to kill you, I’m glad she’s warm,’ right?”
“你的意思是：‘和我很想杀死你一样，我很高兴她很温暖。’对不对？”
“I should. I’ve had a hundred years to gain it. A hundred years of waiting for her.”
“我应该有。我用了一百年的时间才有这份修为，等了一百年才等到她。”
Jacob’s whisper was suddenly smug. “I knew you were just as crazy jealous as I am.”
雅各布的低语突然变得自鸣得意起来：“我知道你只不过和我一样嫉妒罢了。”
“It’s an uncomfortable truce, isn’t it?”
“这个停战让我非常不满，不是吗？”
“You have more patience than I do.”
“你比我更有耐心。”
“I’m not such a fool as to wear it on my sleeve like you do. It doesn’t help your case, you know.”
“我可不会和你一样，像个傻瓜似的什么都写在脸上。你知道，这帮不了你。”
“When I saw how much it was hurting her to make her choose. It’s not usually this difficult to control. I can smother the… less civilized feelings I may have for you fairly easily most of the time. Sometimes I think she sees through me, but I can’t be sure.”
“当我看见让她选择会让她多么受伤害的时候，克制并不总是那么难。大多数时候，我可以比较容易地忍住……我可能对你怀有不太文明的感情。有时候我想她看透了我的想法，但是我无法肯定。”
Edward didn’t answer right away. “That was a part of it,” he finally admitted. “But only a small part. We all have our moments of doubt. Mostly I was worried that she’d hurt herself trying to sneak away to see you. After I’d accepted that she was more or less safe with you — as safe as Bella ever is — it seemed best to stop driving her to extremes.”
爱德华没有立即回答，“那只是部分原因，”他最后承认道，“不过只是一小部分。我们都有怀疑的时候，大多数时候我担心她偷偷溜出去见你会伤害到她自己。在我接受她跟你在一起或多或少是安全的之后——和贝拉一直所处的那种安全状态一样——似乎最好停止逼追她走极端。”
“So… at what point did you decide to play the very patient good guy?”
“那么……什么时候你决定扮演耐心的好人这个角色的呢？”
“I think you were just worried that if you really forced her to choose, she might not choose you.”
“我认为你只是担心如果你真的迫使她选择的话，她选择的可能不是你。”
“What is it like? Losing her?” Jacob asked after a quiet moment, and there was no hint of humor in his suddenly hoarse voice. “When you thought that you’d lost her forever? How did you… cope?”
“这样感觉如何？失去她？”安静了一会儿之后雅各布问道，在他突然变得沙哑起来的声音里听不出幽默的语气，当你认为你会永远失去她的时候？你是怎么……处理的？”
“Sometimes it’s an intriguing idea.”
“有时候这是个很令人着迷的想法。”
There was a long pause.
接着是很长的停顿。
“I know.” It sounded like Edward was smiling.
“我知道。”听起来爱德华好像在微笑一样。
Jacob chuckled quietly. “Would you try to kill me?” Sarcastic again, as if doubting Edward’s ability to do it.
雅各布轻轻地笑道：“你会试图杀死我吗？”语气又变得挖苦起来，好像怀疑爱德华这样做的能力似的。
Jacob sighed. “I’d tell her all of this, but she’d never believe me.”
雅各布感叹道：“我要告诉她所有的一切，但是她绝不会相信我。”
“What would you do if she changed her mind?” Jacob asked.
“如果她改变主意，你会怎么做？”雅各布问道。
“I don’t know that either.”
“我也不知道。”
“I don’t know the future,” Edward said, his voice suddenly unsure.
“我不知道未来。”爱德华说道，他的语气突然变得不确定了。
“Why not?” Jacob’s tone was still jeering.
“为什么不？”雅各布的语气还是很揶揄。
“You think you know everything,” Jacob muttered.
“你认为你知道一切。”雅各布低声说道。
“Do you really think I would hurt her that way?”
“你真的认为我会那样伤害她吗？”
Jacob hesitated for a second, and then sighed. “Yeah, you’re right. I know that’s right. But sometimes…”
雅各布迟疑了片刻，接着叹气道：“是的，你是对的。我知道那样是对的，但是有时候……”
“No.”
“不会。”
Jacob pressed his face into the sleeping bag to muffle his laugher. “Exactly,” he eventually agreed.
雅各布把脸塞进睡袋里压低他大笑的声音，“的确如此。”他最终同意道。
What a strange dream this was. I wondered if it was the relentless wind that made me imagine all the whispering. Only the wind was screaming rather than whispering…
这是个多么奇怪的梦啊。我不知道是不是无情的风使我想象出他们之间的低声细语，只是风的呼啸声而不是他们的低语声……
Jacob waited.
雅各布等待着。
“But she wasn’t happy. And I would have stayed. That’s how she convinced me to stay with her tomorrow, of course. You were wondering about that before, what could possibly motivate me… what she was feeling so needlessly guilty about. She reminded me of what it did to her when I left — what it still does to her when I leave. She feels horrible about bringing that up, but she’s right. I’ll never be able to make up for that, but I’ll never stop trying anyway.”
“但是她不开心，而我会留下来。当然啦，她就是那样说服我明天留下来的。你以前对此很好奇，什么可能促使我……她真的完全不必为此感到内疚。她提醒我我以前离开的时候给她带来过什么——当我现在离开的时候还是会给她带来同样的感觉。重提此事让她感到非常难过，但是她是对的。我永远都不能够弥补此事，但是无论如何我都不会停止努力。”
“There were two different times that I thought that.” Edward spoke each word just a little slower than normal. “The first time, when I thought I could leave her… that was… almost bearable. Because I thought she would forget me and it would be like I hadn’t touched her life. For over six months I was able to stay away, to keep my promise that I wouldn’t interfere again. It was getting close — I was fighting but I knew I wasn’t going to win; I would have come back… just to check on her. That’s what I would have told myself, anyway. And if I’d found her reasonably happy… I like to think that I could have gone away again.
“有两个截然不同的时候我想过这一点。”爱德华一字一句地说道，语速比正常的速度要慢一些，“第一次，当我以为我可以离开她的时候……那样……几乎是可以忍受的。因为我以为她会忘记我，会像我从来没有进入她的生活一样。在六个多月的时间里，我能够远离她，遵守诺言不再打扰她。然后变得越来越困难——我在挣扎，但是我知道我不会赢；我本来会回来的……只是看看她好不好。不管怎样，我以前会对自己这么说。，如果我发现她比较开心……我就会认为我能够再次离开了。
“That’s very difficult for me to talk about.”
“那对我来说是非常难以启齿的。”
“Yes.” Edward answered a different question. “It will probably feel like that to you, won’t it? The way you perceive us, you might not be able to see her as Bella anymore. But that’s who she’ll be.”
“是的，”爱德华回答了另一个问题，“很可能你是那么感觉的，是不是？你可能是这么认为的，你可能无法把她再当做贝拉了，但是那就是她将会成为的样子。”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“那不是我问的问题。”
Jacob didn’t respond for a moment, listening to the storm or digesting what he’d heard, I didn’t know which.
雅各布有一会儿没有反应，倾听着暴风雪，或者是咀嚼着他听到的话，我不知道是哪一种。
“And the other time — when you thought she was dead?” Jacob whispered roughly.
“而另一次——是当你以为她死了的时候吗？”雅各布粗暴地轻声问遭。
Edward spoke slowly. “Jacob, from the second that I realized that I loved her, I knew there were only four possibilities. The first alternative, the best one for Bella, would be if she didn’t feel as strongly for me — if she got over me and moved on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I felt. You think of me as a… living stone — hard and cold. That’s true. We are set the way we are, and it is very rare for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. There’s no going back…
爱德华娓娓道来：“雅各布，从我意识到我爱她的那一瞬间开始，我就知道只有四种可能。第一种选择，对贝拉最好的选择就是如果她没有像我一样感觉那么强烈——如果她可以忘记我，继续生活，我会接受的，尽管这永远不会改变我对她的感情。你认为我是个……活着的石头——既坚硬又冷漠，这是事实。我们生来就是如此，对我们而言经历真正的改变是非常罕见的。一旦发生，就像贝拉走进我的生活一样，就是永远的改变，没有回头路……
Edward’s voice came back fast and hard. “I can’t tell you how it felt. There aren’t words.”
爱德华的声音又回来了，这一次很快，而且很生硬：“我无法告诉你这到底是种什么样的感觉，无法言喻。”
Jacob’s arms flexed around me.
雅各布的胳膊在我身边弯曲了一下。
“But you left because you didn’t want to make her a bloodsucker. You want her to be human.”
“但是你离开因为你不想让她成为吸血鬼．你想让她继续当人类。”
“What do I have left but the fourth option? It’s what she wants — at least, she thinks she does. I’ve been trying to delay her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind, but she’s very… stubborn. You know that. I’ll be lucky to stretch this out a few more months. She has a horror of getting older, and her birthday is in September…”
“除了第四个选择我还有什么呢？那是她想要的——至少，她认为她想要的。我一直努力让她推迟，给她时间找到改变主意的理由，但是她非常……固执，你知道这一点。我很幸运地拖延了几个月，她很害怕变老，她的生日在九月……”
“So I chose option three. Which turned out to be the worst mistake of my very long life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into the first alternative. It didn’t work, and it very nearly killed us both.
“所以我选择第三种可能，结果证明这是我漫长的一生中犯下的最严重的错误，正如你所知道的。我选择让我自己走出她的生命，希望强迫她走进第一个选择。这没成功，而且差点儿就杀死我们俩。
“The second alternative, the one I’d originally chosen, was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasn’t a good option for her, to waste her life with someone who couldn’t be human with her, but it was the alternative I could most easily face. Knowing all along that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years — it would seem like a very, very short time to me… But then it proved much too dangerous for her to live in such close proximity with my world. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Or hung over us… waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldn’t get those sixty years if I stayed near her while she was human.
“第二种选择，是我原先选择的，就是陪伴她度过整个人生。对她而言不是个好选择，让她把生命浪费在不能和她一起过上真正的人类生活的人身上，但是这是我最容易面对的选择。我一直都知道，她死后我也会找到死去的方式。六十年，七十年——对我好像是一段非常短的时光……但是事实证明，她离我的世界那么近，对她而言太危险了，好像一切会出现的问题的确都发生了。或者笼罩在我们头上……等待着出差错。我很害怕当她还是人类的时候，如果我一直靠近她，可能就没有机会陪她六十年了。
Edward didn’t respond.
爱德华没有回答。
“I like option one,” Jacob muttered.
“我喜欢第一个选择。”雅各布低声说道。
Edward chuckled. “Maybe it would have worked. It was a well thought-out plan.”
爱德华轻声笑道：“或许会奏效，那是个考虑周全的计划。”
“You know exactly how much I hate to accept this,” Jacob whispered slowly, “but I can see that you do love her… in your way. I can’t argue with that anymore.
“你十分了解我有多么讨厌接受这个现实，”雅各布慢慢地低语道，“但是我看得出你的确很爱她……按照你的方式，我不再对此表示异议了。”
“You love her enough that you have to see the advantages of that plan. She thinks you’re very unselfish… are you really? Can you consider the idea that I might be better for her than you are?”
“你那么爱她，你不得不分析一下另一个计划的优点。她认为你非常的无私……你真的如此吗？我可能比你更适合她，你会考虑这一点吗？”
“Yeah.” Jake sighed. “But…” suddenly he was whispering so fast the words got tangled, “give me a year — Edward. I really think I could make her happy. She’s stubborn, no one knows that better than I do, but she’s capable of healing. She would have healed before. And she could be human, with Charlie and Renee, and she could grow up, and have kids and… be Bella.
“是的，”雅各布感叹道，“但是……”他突然加快语速，说得非常快、非常轻，所有的词语都连在一起了，“给我一年的时间——爱德华，我真的认为我能够让她快乐。她很固执，没有人比我更了解这一点，但是她能够愈合，她以前本来可以恢复的。她可以继续当人类，和查理、蕾妮一起，她会长大，生孩子……继续做贝拉。
“Given that, I don’t think you should give up on the first alternative, not yet. I think there’s a very good chance that she would be okay. After time. You know, if she hadn’t jumped off a cliff in March… and if you’d waited another six months to check on her… Well, you might have found her reasonably happy. I had a game plan.”
“即便如此，我还是认为你不应该放弃第一个选择，还不到时候。我认为经过一段时间，她好起来的机会很大。你知道，如果她三月没有从悬崖上跳下去的话……如果你再等半年才回来察看她的情况的话……噢，你可能会发现她会比较开心的，我有个策略。”
“I even asked Alice if she could see that — see if Bella would be better off with you. She couldn’t, of course. She can’t see you, and then Bella’s sure of her course, for now.
“我甚至问过爱丽丝，看她是否能够预见——看见贝拉和你在一起会更好，她当然看不见。她看不见你，而贝拉目前对她的道路还很不确定。
“And if she were to decide that she wanted me?” Jacob challenged. “Okay, it’s a long shot, I’ll give you that.”
“如果她将来决定选择我呢？”雅各布挑战道，“好吧，那要很长的时间，我向你保证。”
“I have considered it,” Edward answered quietly. “In some ways, you would be better suited for her than another human. Bella takes some looking after, and you’re strong enough that you could protect her from herself, and from everything that conspires against her. You have done that already, and I’ll owe you for that for as long as I live — forever — whichever comes first…
“我已经考虑过了，”爱德华平静地回答道，“在某些方面，你比任何人都更适合她。贝拉需要人照顾，而你足够强壮能够保护她不让她受伤害，不让那些对她不利的一切伤害她。你已经做过这些了，我会因为欠你人情，只要我活着——永远——不管哪一个更重要……
“In the sense that I’d never show her how hard it was for me, yes. But I would keep watch. You see, Jacob, you might leave her someday. Like Sam and Emily, you wouldn’t have a choice. I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for that to happen.”
“这样做对我而言是多么困难，我永远都不会在她面前表现出来，是的，但是我会一直注视着一切。你瞧，雅各布，或许某一天你也会离开她，就像山姆和艾米莉一样，你会没有选择。我会永远在一旁等待，希望那样的事情会发生。”
“But I’m not stupid enough to make the same mistake I made before, Jacob. I won’t try to force her into that first option again. As long as she wants me, I’m here.”
“但是我不会愚蠢到再犯以前犯过的错误，雅各布。我不会再强迫她回到第一个选择的，只要她需要我，我就会在她身边。”
“I would let her go.”
“我会放手的。”
“Just like that?”
“就那样？”
“Of course,” Edward seethed. “Of course! I rather wish your elders had kept that story to themselves, Jacob.”
“当然啦，”爱德华大发雷霆，“当然！我宁愿只有你们的那些长老知道那个秘密，雅各布。”
“Maybe… if you weren’t a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck out the life of the girl I love… well, no, not even then.”
“或许……如果你不是个令人讨厌的吸血鬼，还计划着要吸走我所爱的女孩的生命……好吧，不，即使那样也不会。”
“What?” Jacob demanded again.
“什么？”雅各布又追问道。
“What about it?”
“那又怎样？”
“As I said, I’m feeling oddly grateful for your presence in her life tonight. It was the least I could do… You know, Jacob, if it weren’t for the fact that we’re natural enemies and that you’re also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.”
“诚如我所言，我对你今晚出现在她的生命当中心存感激，这或许很奇怪，我能做的就只剩这些了……你知道，雅各布，如果我们不是天敌，而你同时也企图偷走我存在的意义，要不是因为这些的话，实际上我或许会喜欢你的。”
Jacob snorted quietly. “Well, you’ve been much more honest than I had any right to expect… Edward. Thanks for letting me in your head.”
雅各布轻轻地哼道：“好吧，你比我有权期望的要诚实得多……爱德华，谢谢你让我进入你的头脑。”
Edward chuckled.
爱德华咯咯地笑了起来。
“Can I ask you something?” Edward said after a moment.
“我能问你件事情吗？”过了一会儿，爱德华问道。
“I can only hear if you think of it. It’s just a story that Bella seemed reluctant to tell me about the other day. Something about a third wife…”
“我只能听见你是否在想此事。只是关于那天贝拉似乎不愿意告诉我的一个故事，某个关于第三个妻子的……”
Edward didn’t answer, listening to the story in Jacob’s head. I heard his low hiss in the darkness.
爱德华没有回答，倾听着雅各布脑海中的故事，我听见他在黑暗里发出的咝咝声。
“Why would you have to ask?”
“为什么你要这么问呢？”
“I really couldn’t care less about that part. Can’t you guess which character Bella would identify with?”
“我真的不太关心这一点，难道你猜不出来哪个角色贝拉会感同身受吗？”
“Neither side meant any harm,” Edward whispered, peace-making now.
“双方都不是有意的。”爱德华轻声说道，现在在当和事老了。
“You don’t like the leeches being painted as the bad guys?” Jacob mocked. “You know, they are. Then and now.”
“你不喜欢吸血鬼被描述成坏人吗？”雅各布挖苦道，“你知道，他们本来就是。以前如此，而且现在也一样。”
“You know, your military brother gave her the idea just as much as the story did.”
“你知道，你的军官兄弟让她产生这样的想法，和这个故事让她想到的不相上下。”
“She wants to be there in the clearing. To do what little she can, as she puts it.” He sighed. “That was the secondary reason for my staying with her tomorrow. She’s quite inventive when she wants something.”
“她想要到空地那里去，做一点点她力所能及的事情，如她所言，”他感叹道，“那是我明天留下来陪她的次要原因。她想要什么东西的时候会很有创意。”
“First light,” they whispered together, and then laughed quietly.
“黎明，”他们低声耳语，然后悄悄地笑了起来。
“Sleep well, Jacob,” Edward murmured. “Enjoy the moment.”
“好好睡觉，雅各布，”爱德华低声说道，“享受此刻吧。”
It took Jacob a minute. “Oh. Ugh. The third wife. Okay, I see your point.”
雅各布过了一会儿才领会到：“哦。啊，第三个妻子。好吧，我明白你的意思了。”
“And when does this little truce end?” Jacob asked. “First light? Or do we wait until after the fight?”
“那么什么时候这个小小的停战结束？”雅各布问道，“破晓？或者等到我们打完仗？”
There was a pause as they both considered.
他们俩都考虑了一下。
It was quiet again, and the tent held still for a few minutes. The wind seemed to have decided that it wasn’t going to flatten us after all, and was giving up the fight.
周遭又安静下来了，帐篷一动不动地过了几分钟。风似乎总算决定不把我们打倒了，正在撤退。
Edward groaned softly. “I didn’t mean that quite so literally.”
爱德华轻柔地叹息道：“我这么说并不全是字面上的意思。”
“Sorry,” Jacob whispered. “You could leave, you know — give us a little privacy.”
“对不起，”雅各布轻声说道，“你可以离开，你知道——给我们一点儿私人空间。”
“Would you like me to help you sleep, Jacob?” Edward offered.
“你想我帮你睡着吗，雅各布？”爱德华提议道。
“You could try,” Jacob said, unconcerned. “It would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldn’t it?”
“你可以试一试，”雅各布毫不在乎地说道，“看看谁走开会很有意思，是不是？”
Jacob whispered a laugh. “I’d rather not move just now, if you don’t mind.”
雅各布轻声地大笑道：“我现在宁愿不要动，如果你不介意的话。”
“Don’t tempt me too far, wolf. My patience isn’t that perfect.”
“别太诱惑我，狼，我的耐心可没你想的那么完美。”
Edward started humming to himself, louder than usual — trying to drown out Jacob’s thoughts, I assumed. But it was my lullaby he hummed, and, despite my growing discomfort with this whispered dream, I sank deeper into unconsciousness… into other dreams that made better sense…
爱德华开始自言自语起来，声音比平时要大一些——想要湮没雅各布的思想，我猜测。但是他哼的是我的摇篮曲，尽管我对这场轻声细语的梦逐渐感到不安，我的意识却越来越不清醒……进入到更有意义的梦乡之中去了……
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