Edward was waiting for me at school, as usual, but his face was still wrong. There was something buried in his eyes that I couldn’t be sure of — and it scared me. I didn’t want to bring up last night, but I wasn’t sure if avoiding the subject would be worse.
爱德华和往常一样在学校等我，但是他的表情还是有问题。他的眼睛里深藏着某种我不确定的东西——这令我惊恐万分。我不想提起昨天晚上的事情，但是我不确定逃避这个话题是否会更糟糕。
I felt absolutely hideous in the morning. I hadn’t slept well; my arm burned and my head ached. It didn’t help my outlook that Edward’s face was smooth and remote as he kissed my forehead quickly and ducked out my window. I was afraid of the time I’d spent unconscious, afraid that he might have been thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me sleep. The anxiety seemed to ratchet up the intensity of the pounding in my head.
早上起床 后我感到非常恐惧。我没睡好；我的胳膊疼痛难忍，头也疼得厉害。爱德华迅速地亲了一下我的额头，蹲下身从窗户跳了出去，他光滑的脸庞，疏远的表情对我的心情没有丝毫帮助。想到我睡着后毫无意识的那段时间就令我感到害怕，我担心当他注视着我睡着的时候，又会思考对与错的问题。焦虑似乎加剧了头部由于悸动引起的疼痛，这种感觉越来越强烈了。
He opened my door for me. “How do you feel?”
他为我打开了车门“你感觉怎么样”
We walked in silence, he shortening his stride to match mine. There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but most of those questions would have to wait, because chey were for Alice: How was Jasper this morning? What had they said when I was gone? What had Rosalie said? And most importantly, what could she see happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future? Could she guess what Edward was thinking, why he was so gloomy? Was there a foundation for the tenuous, instinctive fears that I couldn’t seem to shake?
我们默不作声地走着，他放慢步伐跟上我的节拍。我有那么多问题想要问，但是大多数问题还要再等一等，因为那些问题是我想问爱丽丝的：贾斯帕今天早上怎么样了？我走之后他们都说了些什么？罗莎莉说了什么？最重要的事，通过她对未来奇异却不完美的预见中看到了什么？她能猜到爱德华在想什么吗？他为什么这样闷闷不乐？那种我似乎无法抗拒的毫无根据、本能的恐惧有没有理由？
“Perfect,” I lied, cringing as the sound of the slamming door echoed in my head.
“非常好” 我撒谎道，车门关上时发“”的声音在我的脑袋里回荡，让人感到厌烦不堪。
Edward didn’t say anything about her absence. I wondered to myself if her class was running late — until I saw Conner and Ben, who were in her fourth hour French class.
爱丽丝没有来，但爱德华对此什么也没说。我暗想是不是她下课晚了——直到我看见康纳和本，他们俩和爱丽丝一起上第四节法语课。
“Yes. She’ll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali.”
“是的，她也会离开一段时间。她试图说服他去德纳利。”
“Where’s Alice?” I asked Edward anxiously.
“爱丽丝去哪儿了”我焦急地问爱德华。
Edward shrugged. “Nowhere in particular.”
爱德华耸了耸肩，说道：“没什么具体的地方。”
“He’s gone away for a while.”
“他会离开一段时间”
Denali was where the one other band of unique vampires — good ones like the Cullens — lived. Tanya and her family. I’d heard of them now and again. Edward had run to them last winter when my arrival had made Forks difficult for him. Laurent, the most civilized member of James’s little coven, had gone there rather than siding with James against the Cullens. It made sense for Alice to encourage Jasper to go there.
德纳利那里居住着另外一群独一无二的吸血鬼——他们和卡伦家族一样很善良。那里有坦尼娅和她的家人。我时不时地听说过他们。当我的到来使爱德华很难在福克斯镇生活下去的时候，去年冬天他去过他们那儿。劳伦——詹姆斯阴谋集团中最文明的成员，也到那里去了，而不是和詹姆斯一起与卡伦家族作对。爱丽丝鼓励贾斯帕到那里去是有道理的。
Alice usually beat us to lunch; she didn’t have to keep pace with a sloth like me. But she wasn’t at the table, waiting with a tray of food she wouldn’t eat.
爱丽丝平常总是比我们先来吃午饭；她不必像我这样懒散。但是她没坐在餐桌上，把她不会吃的一盘食物放在一边，等我们。
The morning passed slowly. I was impatient to see Alice, though I wouldn’t be able to really talk to her with Edward there. Edward remained aloof. Occasionally he would ask about my arm, and I would lie.
早晨过得很慢。我迫不及待地想见到爱丽丝，尽管爱德华在场的时候我可能没法真正地和她交 谈。爱德华仍然很冷漠，他时不时地会问问我的胳膊，然后我会骗他说没事儿。
“Is he okay?”
“他还好吗”
“What? Where?”
“什么？去哪里”
“And Alice, too,” I said with quiet desperation. Of course, if Jasper needed her, she would go.
“爱丽丝也去吗？”我心中静静地绝望起来，当然，若贾斯帕需要她的话，她会去的。
He looked at the granola bar he was slowly pulverizing between his fingertips while he answered. “She’s with Jasper.”
他一边回答，一边看着在他指尖慢慢碾碎的格兰诺拉麦片“她和贾斯帕在一起”
I expected he would laugh, or smile, or react somehow to my words.
我原本以为他会大笑起来，或者微笑起来，或者至少对我的话有点儿反应。
“Who cares about my stupid arm?” I muttered in disgust.
“谁关心我愚蠢的胳膊啊？”我厌烦地低声道。
By the end of the day, the silence was becoming ridiculous. I didn’t want to be the one to break it, but apparently that was my only choice if I ever wanted him to talk to me again.
在一天就要结束之前，我们之间的沉默不语变得越来越荒唐。我不想成为打破沉默的那个人，但是显然如果我想让他再跟我说话的话，那是我唯一的选择。
“If you want me to.”
“要是你想我来的话。”
“So you’ll come over when I’m home, though, right?” I hated that I felt suddenly unsure about this.
“那么我到家的时候你还是会过来，对吗？”我讨厌突然之间我对此变得不确定。
“Oh,” he murmured.
“噢。”他咕哝了一声。
“Is your arm bothering you?” he asked solicitously.
“你的胳膊让你难受了吗？”他关切地问我。
I swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. The guilt made my head bow and my shoulders slump. I’d run them out of their home, just like Rosalie and Emmett. I was a plague.
我吞下一口气，努力驱散突如其来的哽咽。我内疚地低下头，肩膀垂了下去。我让他们没法在自己家里过下去，就像罗莎莉和埃美特一样。我是瘟疫。
He didn’t answer, and I put my head down on the table.
他没有回答，我把头伏在桌子上。
“I always want you,” I reminded him, with perhaps a little more intensity than the conversation required.
“我总想你过来的。”我提醒他，语气可能比这种谈话需要的更强一点。
“You’ll come over later tonight?” I asked as he walked me — silently — to my truck. He always came over.
“你今晚晚些时候会过来吗？”他送我——默默不语地——送我到我的车旁时，我问道。他晚上总是会过来的。
“Later?”
“晚些时候？”
It pleased me that he seemed surprised. “I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off.”
他似乎有些惊讶，这令我感到高兴。“我得工作，我昨天和牛顿太太换班了。”
I was able to drive out of the parking lot before the panic really hit, but I was hyperventilating by the time I got to Newton’s.
在惊慌失措之前，我尚能把车开出停车场，但是，还没到牛顿户外用品商店我就已经在用力地呼吸了。
“All right, then,” he said indifferently.
“那么，好吧。”他冷漠地说道。
He kissed my forehead again before he shut the door on me. Then he turned his back and loped gracefully toward his car.
我上车后他为我关上门之前，吻了我的额头，接着他转过身，优雅地朝他的车慢跑过去。
He just needed time, I told myself. He would get over this. Maybe he was sad because his family was disappearing. But Alice and Jasper would come back soon, and Rosalie and Emmett, too. If it would help, I would stay away from the big white house on the river — I’d never set foot there again. That didn’t matter. I’d still see Alice at school. She would have to come back for school, right? And she was at my place all the time anyway. She wouldn’t want to hurt Charlie’s feelings by staying away.
他只是需要时间，我告诉自己。他会渡过这次难关的。或许他难过是因为他的家人要离开了。但是爱丽丝和贾斯帕不久就会回来的，罗莎莉和埃美特也会回来的。要是对这种情况有所帮助的话，我会离河边那幢白色的大房子远远的——我再也不会踏上那片土地。那没关系。我在学校还能见到爱丽丝，她还会回到学校的，对吗？不管怎么样，她都是站在我这边的。她不会想要通过离家出走来伤害卡莱尔的。
After all, what had happened last night was nothing. Nothing had happened. So I fell down — that was the story of my life. Compared to last spring, it seemed especially unimportant. James had left me broken and nearly dead from loss of blood — and yet Edward had handled the interminable weeks in the hospital much better than this. Was it because, this time, it wasn’t an enemy he’d had to protect me from? Because it was his brother?
毕竟，昨天晚上发生的事情没什么大不了。什么也没发生。想到这些接着我就倒了下来——那是我的生活。与去年春天相比，这些看起来似乎尤其不重要。詹姆斯使我遍体鳞伤，由于失血过多几乎死去——然而，爱德华在医院里陪伴我度过了漫长的几个星期，他做得比这次好很多。是不是因为，这一次，他保护我不受伤害，对象不是敌人？因为这一次是他的兄弟？
No doubt I would also run into Carlisle with regularity — in the emergency room.
毫无疑问，我也会定期地去看看卡莱尔——不过，是在急救室里。
Maybe it would be better if he took me away, rather than his family being scattered. I grew slightly less depressed as I considered all the uninterrupted alone time. If he could just last through the school year, Charlie wouldn’t be able to object. We could go away to college, or pretend that’s what we were doing, like Rosalie and Emmett this year. Surely Edward could wait a year. What was a year to an immortal? It didn’t even seem like that much to me.
如果他带我走，而不是让他的家人四分五裂，这样或许会更好。当我想到所有这一切不被打扰的独处时光时，我的心情稍微好了一些，不那么压抑了。只要他能够渡过这一学年，查理就不会反对。我们可以离开这里一起去上大学，或者假装我们一起去上大学，就像今年罗莎莉和埃美特的一样。爱德华肯定得等一年。一年对永生不死的人而言算得了什么呢？一年对我而言似乎也没什么大不了的。
“Ugh,” I mumbled. “I’m glad it’s over.”
“呃，”我低声说道，“我很高兴生日过完了。”
Mike looked at me from the corners of his eyes like I was crazy.
迈克从眼角看着我，好像我疯了似的。店里的工作慢吞吞的。
Work dragged. I wanted to see Edward again, praying that he would be past the worst of this, whatever it was exactly, by the time I saw him again. It’s nothing, I told myself over and over again. Everything will go back to normal.
我想再见到爱德华，祈祷在我再次见到他之前，他会渡过最困难的时刻，确切地说，不管到底该如何精确地表述那种情况。这没什么大不了的，我一次又一次地告诉自己。一切都会恢复正常的。
I was able to talk myself into enough composure to handle getting out of the truck and walking to the store. Mike Newton had beaten me here today, and he smiled and waved when I came in. I grabbed my vest, nodding vaguely in his direction. I was still imagining pleasant scenarios that consisted of me running away with Edward to various exotic locales.
我劝服自己保持足够的冷静，勉强下车，走进商店。迈克？牛顿今天比我早到，我进门的时候他微笑着冲我挥了挥手。我一把拉过我的工作服，应付地朝他的方向点了点头。我仍然在想象那种美好的情景，我和爱德华一起私奔到各种各样的异域他乡。
Mike interrupted my fantasy. “How was your birthday?”
迈克打断了我的幻想：“你的生日过得怎么样？”
“Okay.”
“好吧。”
I stared for another minute, shocked. Neither one seemed to notice. I could feel something, panic maybe, building up in my chest. I escaped to the kitchen.
我注视了一会，惊呆了。他们两个人都没有注意到。我能觉察到某种感觉，或许是恐慌，在我胸口越来越强烈。我逃进了厨房。
“Dad? Edward?” As I spoke, I could hear the distinctive theme music from ESPN’s SportsCenter coming from the living room.
“爸爸？爱德华？”我喊的时候，客厅里传来的娱乐体育节目网体育中心风格独特的主题音乐。
“In here,” Charlie called.
“在这里。”查理叫道。
Edward was in the armchair, my father on the sofa. Both had their eyes trained on the TV. The focus was normal for my father. Not so much for Edward.
爱德华坐在扶手椅子里，查理坐在沙发上。他们两个人的眼睛都盯着电视。这种聚精会神对我爸爸而言是很正常的，但对爱德华而言就不那么正常了。
“Hi,” I said weakly.
“嗨。”我虚弱地跟他们打招呼。
I hung my raincoat on its peg and hurried around the corner.
我把雨衣挂在钩子上，顺着屋角跑了过来。
“Hey, Bella,” my father answered, eyes never moving. “We just had cold pizza. I think it’s still on the table.”
“嘿，贝拉，”查理眼睛一动不动地回答道，“我们刚吃了一只冷馅饼，我想它还在桌子上。”
I hurried through the front door, calling out before I was completely inside.
我匆忙地跑过前门，还没进门就大声喊了起来。
The relief I felt when I turned onto my street and saw Edward’s silver car parked in front of my house was an overwhelming, heady thing. And it bothered me deeply that it should be that way.
当我驱车上路，看到爱德华银色的车停在我家门口时，我感到一阵欣慰，那种感觉那么强烈，那么无法抗拒，但是这样的方式又深深地令我心烦意乱。
I waited in the doorway. Finally, Edward looked over at me with a polite smile. “I’ll be right behind you,” he promised. His eyes strayed back to the TV.
我在门口等着。最后爱德华转向我，朝我礼貌地笑了笑，“我马上跟过来。”他答应道。他的眼神又飘忽到电视上去了。
I tried to get control of myself, to reason with myself.
我努力控制自己，让自己保持理智。
What’s the worst that can happen? I flinched. That was definitely the wrong question to ask. I was having a hard time breathing right.
可能会发生的最糟糕的事情会是什么呢？我退缩了，那肯定是问错了问题，此刻，我连呼吸都有些困难了。
The pizza held no interest for me. I sat in my chair, pulled my knees up, and wrapped my arms around them. Something was very wrong, maybe more wrong than I’d realized. The sounds of male bonding and banter continued from the TV set.
馅饼对我毫无吸引力，我坐在椅子上，蜷起膝盖，用胳膊环抱着它们。有什么东西让我感到非常不对头，或许比我意识到得更加不对劲儿。男人之间特有的亲密和互相捉弄的声音不断地从电视机里传过来。
Okay, I thought again, what’s the worst I can live through? I didn’t like that question so much, either. But I thought through the possibilities I’d considered today.
好吧，我又想到，我能忍受的最糟糕的事情是什么呢？我也不那么喜欢这样的问题。但是我详细地思考了今天我想到的一切可能性。
Staying away from Edward’s family. Of course, he wouldn’t expect Alice to be part of that. But if Jasper was off limits, that would lessen the time I could have with her. I nodded to myself — I could live with that. Or going away. Maybe he wouldn’t want to wait till the end of the school year, maybe it would have to be now.
远离爱德华的家人。当然了，他不希望把爱丽丝也包皮括在内。要是连贾斯帕都在禁区之内的话，那么我和她在一起的时间就会减少。我对自己点点头——我能忍受这样的事情或者离开这里。也许他不想等到学年结束，也许现在就得离开。
In front of me, on the table, my presents from Charlie and Renee were where I had left them, the camera I hadn’t had the chance to use at the Cullens’ sitting beside the album. I touched the pretty cover of the scrapbook my mother had given me, and sighed, thinking of Renee. Somehow, living without her for as long as I had did not make the idea of a more permanent separation easier. And Charlie would be left all alone here, abandoned. They would both be so hurt… But we’d come back, right? We’d visit, of course, wouldn’t we? I couldn’t be certain about the answer to that. I leaned my cheek against my knee, staring at the physical tokens of my parents’ love. I’d known this path I’d chosen was going to be hard. And, after all, I was thinking about the worst-case scenario — the very worst I could live through.
在我面前，桌子上面摆着查理和蕾妮送给我的礼物，它们放在我原来放的位置，摆在相册旁边的是我在卡伦家没机会使用的照相机。我摸了摸妈妈给我的剪贴簿的精美封面，叹了口气，想起了蕾妮。从某种程度上而言，很久以来我就过着没有她的生活，但这一事实并没有使永远分别的想法更易于接受；而查理就会被独自留在这里，被我们抛弃了。他们两个人都会受到很大的伤害……但是我们会回来的，不是吗？我们会回来看他们的，当然了，不是吗？我对这个问题的答案不是很确定。我把脸颊贴在膝盖上，盯着我父母对我的爱的有形象征。我知道我选择的这条路会很艰辛，毕竟，我现在想的是最糟糕的情况——我能忍受的最糟糕的情况。
I toyed with the wrist strap on the camera, wondering about the first picture on the roll. Could it possibly turn out anything close to the original? I doubted it. But he didn’t seem worried that it would be blank. I chuckled to myself, thinking of his carefree laughter last night. The chuckle died away. So much had changed, and so abruptly. It made me feel a little bit dizzy, like I was standing on an edge, a precipice somewhere much too high.
我把拨弄着照相机上的腕带，对胶卷里的第一张照片倍感好奇。照出来的照片可能会接近原物吗？我怀疑，但是他似乎并不担心照片上空无一物。我对自己轻轻地笑了笑，想到昨天晚上他漫不经心的笑容。轻声的微笑渐渐减弱了。发生了那么大的变化，多么地意想不到啊！这让我感到有点儿眩晕，好像我站在边缘上，在某个很高很高的悬崖边缘上一样。
I touched the scrapbook again, flipping the front cover over. Little metal corners were already in place to hold the first picture. It wasn’t a half-bad idea, to make some record of my life here. I felt a strange urge to get started. Maybe I didn’t have that long left in Forks.
我又摸了摸剪贴簿，翻开扉页。在小小的金属边里面已经卡住了第一张照片。一分为二来看这个礼物，记录我在这里的生活，这个主意倒不是那么差。我感到一阵奇怪的冲动要着手进行此事了。或许，我在福克斯剩下的时间也没那么多了。
My room hadn’t really changed all that much in the seventeen years since my mother had been here. The walls were still light blue, the same yellowed lace curtains hung in front of the window. There was a bed, rather than a crib, but she would recognize the quilt draped untidily over the top — it had been a gift ROM Gran.
距离我妈妈住在这里的时候已经有十七年了，这么多年以来，我的房间并没有发生多么大的变化。墙壁仍然是淡蓝色，窗前悬挂的是同样的黄色蕾丝 窗帘。那儿有张床，但不是婴儿床，不过她会认出那张凌乱地从床 上垂下来的被子的——那是祖母给我的礼物。
I didn’t want to think about that anymore. I grabbed the camera and headed up the stairs.
我不想再去想那些了，一把抓住照相机，朝楼梯走去。
I took my time coming back down the stairs, camera in hand, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I thought of the strange distance I didn’t want to see in Edward’s eyes. He would get over this. Probably he was worried that I would be upset when he asked me to leave. I would let him work through it without meddling. And I would be prepared when he asked.
我不急不徐地回到楼下，手里拿着照相机，爱德华眼睛里那种奇怪的距离是我不想看到的，一想到这就会让我害怕得发抖，我努力忽视这种感觉的存在。他会克服的，也许他只是在担心当他要我离开的时候我会难过。我会让他解决好这一切而不让他为难的，而且，在他提出来的时候我就会准备好的。
Regardless, I snapped a picture of my room. There wasn’t much else I could do tonight — it was too dark outside — and the feeling was growing stronger, it was almost a compulsion now. I would record everything about Forks before I had to leave it. Change was coming. I could feel it. It wasn’t a pleasant prospect, not when life was perfect the way it was.
我随兴地拍了一张我房间的照片。今晚我没法给其它的东西拍照——外面太黑了——而且，这种感觉变得更加强烈了，几乎变成一种冲动。在我离开福克斯以前，我要记录下和这里有关的一切。变化就在发生，我能感觉到，前景并不乐观，当生活还是跟往常完全一样的时候，更是如此。
I had the camera ready as I leaned around the corner, being sneaky. I was sure there was no chance that I had caught Edward by surprise, but he didn’t look up. I felt a brief shiver as something icy twisted in my stomach; I ignored that and took the picture.
我偷偷地斜靠在屋角，调整好相机，确信爱德华没机会感到惊讶，但是他没有抬头看我。我感到心中一阵冰凉，不禁颤抖了一下；我没去理睬心中的感觉，照了张照片。
They both looked at me then. Charlie frowned. Edward’s face was empty, expressionless.
就在那一刻他们俩同时看着我，查理皱着眉头，而爱德华则神色空洞，面无表情。
“Why are you taking pictures of me, though?” he grumbled.
“但是，你为什么要给我照相呢？”他嘟囔着说。
“Because you’re so handsome,” I replied, keeping it light. “And because, since you bought the camera, you’re obligated to be one of my subjects.”
“因为你那么帅，”我保持着轻松的口吻回答道，“还因为，既然是你给我买的照相机，你就有义务成为我的主题之一。”
I threw the camera toward him, carefully avoiding his eyes, and knelt beside the arm of the sofa where Charlie’s face was. Charlie sighed.
我把相机朝他扔过去，小心翼翼地避开他的眼睛，查理的脸靠在沙发的扶手边上，我在那里跪了下来。查理叹了叹气。
He mumbled something unintelligible.
他嘴巴里嘟哝着我听不清楚的话语。
“Hey, Edward,” I said with admirable indifference. “Take one of me and my dad together.”
“嗨，爱德华，”我带着令人惊讶的冷漠口吻说道，“给我和爸爸照张合影吧。”
Edward stood and lightly tossed him the camera.
爱德华站着，轻松地把照相机抛给他。
“Let me take one of you kids,” Charlie suggested. I knew he was just trying to shift the camera’s focus from himself.
“我来给你们两个孩子照一张吧。”查利建议道。我知道他只是想把照相机的焦点从他身上移走。
I went to stand beside Edward, and the arrangement felt formal and strange to me. He put one hand lightly on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm more securely around his waist. I wanted to look at his face, but I was afraid to.
我跑过去站在爱德华旁边，觉得这种安排很正式，也很奇怪——他轻轻地把一只手搭在我的肩膀上，我则更坚定地用胳膊环抱着他的腰。我想看着他的脸，但我不敢。
I did my best, and the camera flashed.
我竭尽全力笑了笑，照相机的闪光灯闪了一下。
“You need to smile, Bella,” Edward murmured.
“你要笑一笑，贝拉。”爱德华低声说道。
“Oh, come on.” I pretended to smile as I went to sit on the floor in front of the sofa where Charlie lounged. “You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I’m using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt.”
“噢，来吧，”我走过去坐在沙发上，查理懒洋洋地躺在那里，假装微笑着说，“你知道妈妈很快就会打电话来问我是否在用她送给我的礼物了。在她没感到受伤之前我得先做起来。”
“What are you doing, Bella?” Charlie complained.
“你在干什么，贝拉？”查理不高兴地问道。
“Smile, Bella,” Charlie reminded me again.
“笑一笑，贝拉。”查理再次提醒我。
I took a deep breath and smiled. The flash blinded me.
我深吸了一口气，微笑起来，闪光灯让我什么也看不见。
Edward dropped his hand from my shoulder and twisted casually out of my arm. He sat back down in the armchair.
爱德华把他的手从我肩上放下来，不经意地扭出我的怀抱，重新坐进扶手椅里。
“Enough pictures for tonight,” Charlie said then, shoving the camera into a crevice of the sofa cushions and rolling over it. “You don’t have to use the whole roll now.”
“今晚照的照片够多了，”查理一边说一边把照相机塞进沙发靠垫之间的缝隙里，他在照相机上翻了个身，“你现在没必要把整卷胶卷用完。”
When the show ended, I hadn’t moved an inch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stand. “I’d better get home,” he said.
节目放完的时候，我一动也不动。我从眼角看到爱德华站起身来。“我要回家了。”他说道。
I hesitated, and then went to sit against the sofa again. I was suddenly so frightened that my hands were shaking. I pressed them into my stomach to hide them, put my chin on my knees and stared at the TV screen in front of me, seeing nothing.
我犹豫了一下，接着走过去背靠着沙发坐了下来。我突然感到如此恐惧，双手开始颤抖起来。我用手按着肚子，把它们藏起来，我把下巴靠在膝盖上，盯着面前的电视机屏幕，但却什么也看没见。
I got awkwardly to my feet — I was stiff from sitting so still — and followed Edward out the front door. He went straight to his car.
我笨拙地站了起来，跟着爱德华从大门走出来——就这样一动不动地坐了那么久，我的手脚都僵硬了。他径直走向他的车。
“Will you stay?” I asked, no hope in my voice.
“你会留下来吗？”我问道，声音里不带一丝希望。
Charlie didn’t look up from the commercial. “See ya.”
查理低头看着广告，头抬也没抬地回答说：“再见。”
I expected his answer, so it didn’t hurt as much.
我期待着他的回答，这样就不会那么受伤害了。
“Not tonight.”
“今晚不了。”
“Bella, what are you doing?” Charlie asked, surprised to see me standing there alone and dripping.
“贝拉，你在干什么？”查理问道，他吃惊地看见我满身滴着雨水，一个人站在那里。
I didn’t ask for a reason.
我没有追问原因。
He got in his car and drove away while I stood there, unmoving. I barely noticed that it was raining. I waited, without knowing what I waited for, until the door opened behind me.
他上车开走以后，我仍站在那里，一动不动。我几乎没有注意到下雨了，我等待着，不知道自己到底在等待什么，直到门在我身后打开了。
It was a long night, with little in the way of rest.
这是漫长的一夜，我几乎没有休息。
I got up as soon as there was a faint light outside my window. I dressed for school mechanically, waiting for the clouds to brighten. When I had eaten a bowl of cereal, I decided that it was light enough for pictures. I took one of my truck, and then the front of the house. I turned and snapped a few of the forest by Charlie’s house. Funny how it didn’t seem sinister like it used to. I realized I would miss this — the green, the timelessness, the mystery of the woods. All of it.
窗外一出现朦胧的陽光我就起床 了。我机械地穿上衣服，准备上学，等待着乌云散去，天气晴朗起来。我吃完一碗麦片后确定光线很充分，可以照相了。我先给我的卡车照了一张，接着是房屋的正面。我转过身，给查理房屋附近的森林照了几张。有趣的是，这片森林一点也不像先前那么险恶了。我意识到我会想念——这片郁郁葱葱，青翠的小树林的，时间在这里停滞了，周遭充满着神秘的气息，我会怀念这里的一切的。
“Nothing.” I turned and trudged back to the house.
“没什么。”我转过身，拖着沉重的步伐走回屋里。
I put the camera in my school bag before I left. I tried to concentrate on my new project rather than the fact that Edward apparently hadn’t gotten over things during the night.
出门之前我把相机放在书包皮里，我努力把注意力集中在我的新课题上而不去想昨天晚上的事情——爱德华显然并没有恢复常态。
“What’s up, Bella?”
“什么事，贝拉？”
Along with the fear, I was beginning to feel impatience. How long could this last?
焦躁不安的感觉伴随着恐惧开始倾袭着我，这样会持续多久？
“Could you do me a favor?” I asked, reaching into my bag. “My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some pictures of everybody, okay?”
“你能帮我个忙吗？”我把手伸到书包皮里，问道，“我妈妈要我给我的朋友们照几张照片，贴在剪贴簿上，这样吧，你能帮我给每个人照张相吗？”
At lunch, the silence continued. I felt like I was going to start screaming at any moment, so, to distract myself, I leaned across the table’s invisible line and spoke to Jessica.
在吃午饭的时候，沉默仍在继续。我感到自己随时就要开始尖叫了，然后，为了分散注意力，我倾斜着身体，跨过了那条看不见的分界线，与杰西卡说起话来。
It lasted through the morning. He walked silently beside me, never seeming to actually look at me. I tried to concentrate on my classes, but not even English could hold my attention. Mr. Berty had to repeat his question about Lady Capulet twice before I realized he was talking to me. Edward whispered the correct answer under his breath and then went back to ignoring me.
整整一个上午还是这样，他静静地在我身边走着，似乎从来都没有看我一眼。我努力地集中精神上课，但是就连英语课也没能抓住我的注意力。贝尔蒂先生把关于凯普莱特夫人的问题重复了两遍我才意识到他在跟我讲话。爱德华用耳语告诉我正确答案，接着又忽略了我的存在。
A predictable picture war ensued. I watched them hand the camera around the table, giggling and flirting and complaining about being on film. It seemed strangely childish. Maybe I just wasn’t in the mood for normal human behavior today.
和我预料的一样，相片大战开始了。我看着他们把照相机从餐桌上传过来传过去，咯咯地笑着，摇晃着，抱怨着被拍到了。奇怪的是，这一切似乎很孩子气。也许我今天的情绪不是正常的人类该有的。
I handed her the camera.
我把照相机递给她。
“Hey, Jess?”
“嗨，杰西？”
“Sure,” she said, grinning, and turned to snap a candid shot of Mike with his mouth full.
“当然可以啦。”她咧开嘴巴笑了起来，接着就偷拍 下迈克满嘴是饭的镜头。
“That’s okay. I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed.”
“没关系，我想我已经拍好我需要的其它东西的照片了。”
I sat in the middle of my bed and opened the envelope with wary curiosity. Ridiculously, I still half expected the first print to be a blank. When I pulled it out, I gasped aloud. Edward looked just as beautiful as he did in real life, staring at me out of the picture with the warm eyes I’d missed for the past few days. It was almost uncanny that anyone could look so… so… beyond description. No thousand words could equal this picture.
我坐在床 中间，大声地喘着气。照片中的爱德华和他在现实生活中一样漂亮，照片中的他含情脉脉地凝视着我，过去几天他从没这样地看过我。有人能如此……如此……美得难以形容，这几乎是种神秘的事情，千言万语也比不上这张照片。
“Uh-oh,” Jessica said apologetically as she returned the camera. “I think we used all your film.”
“噢—哦，”杰西卡把照相机还给我的时候抱歉地说，“我想我们把你的胶卷用完了。”
After school, Edward walked me back to the parking lot in silence. I had to work again, and for once, I was glad. Time with me obviously wasn’t helping things. Maybe time alone would be better.
放学后，爱德华默默地送我到停车场。我今天要打工，这一次，我感到很高兴。爱德华与我在一起的时光显然无济于事，或许他独自一个人会更好。
I dropped my film off at the Thriftway on my way to Newton’s, and then picked up the developed pictures after work. At home, I said a brief hi to Charlie, grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen, and hurried up to my room with the envelope of photographs tucked under my arm.
我在去牛顿户外用品商店的路上把胶卷放在了施利福特威超市，然后在下班的路上取了照片。回到家，我简单地跟查理说了“嗨”就从厨房里拿了根格兰诺拉麦片，腋下藏着装着照片的信封匆匆地跑进楼上我的房间。
The first was the picture of Edward in the kitchen, his warm eyes touched with tolerant amusement. The second was Edward and Charlie, watching ESPN. The difference in Edward’s expression was severe. His eyes were careful here, reserved. Still breathtakingly beautiful, but his face was colder, more like a sculpture, less alive.
第一张是爱德华在厨房，他的眼睛流露出宽容，逗乐的表情。第二张是爱德华和查理一起在看娱乐体育节目网节目，不同的是爱德华的神情严肃，这张照片里的他，眼神警惕而矜持。不过他还是那么惊人的美丽，但是他的脸色更冷漠，更像一尊雕像，更缺少生机。
The last was the picture of Edward and me standing awkwardly side by side. Edward’s face was the same as the last, cold and statue-like. But that wasn’t the most troubling part of this photograph. The contrast between the two of us was painful. He looked like a god. I looked very average, even for a human, almost shamefully plain. I flipped the picture over with a feeling of disgust.
最后一张是爱德华和我并排站在一起的照片，看起来有些笨拙。爱德华的脸色和上一张一样冷漠，像雕像一般。但是那不是这张照片最令人不安的地方，两个人之间的对比令人痛苦，他看起来像神一样，而我看起来那么平凡，就算在人类中，我也很普通，这几乎令人有些惭愧。我带着讨厌的心情翻着照片。
I flipped through the rest of the stack quickly once, and then laid three of them out on the bed side by side.
我立即快速地翻动着这堆照片，接着把其中的三张并排铺在床上。
Instead of doing my homework, I stayed up to put my pictures into the album. With a ballpoint pen I scrawled captions under all the pictures, the names and the dates. I got to the picture of Edward and me, and, without looking at it too long, I folded it in half and stuck it under the metal tab, Edward-side up.
我没做功课，熬夜把照片放进了相册，用圆珠笔在所有的相片下方写上标题，名字和日期。轮到我和爱德华的合影时，我没看多久就把它对折起来，把爱德华的那面朝上压在了金属拉环下面。
But I couldn’t count on that. I decided that, if I couldn’t talk to him today, really talk, then I was going to see Carlisle tomorrow. I had to do something.
但是我不能指望她赶快回来。我决定了，要是我今天不能和他谈谈，真正意义上的谈话，那么我明天就去找卡莱尔。我得做些什么。
Edward still hadn’t come over. I didn’t want to admit that he was the reason I’d stayed up so late, but of course he was. I tried to remember the last time he’d stayed away like this, without an excuse, a phone call… He never had.
爱德华还是没有过来，我不想承认我那么晚还不睡的原因，不过，当然是因为他。我努力回忆上次他像这样没有理由，没有电话……疏远我的时候，他从来都没这样做过。
When I was done, I stuffed the second set of prints in a fresh envelope and penned a long thank-you letter to Renee.
做完之后，我把第二套照片塞进了一只新信封，给蕾妮写了一封长长的感谢信。
Again, I didn’t sleep well.
又一次，我没有睡好觉。
After school, Edward and I were going to talk it out, I promised myself. I wasn’t accepting any excuses.
放学后，爱德华和我会把话谈开，我答应自己，我不打算接受任何借口。
School followed the silent, frustrating, terrifying pattern of the last two days. I felt relief when I saw Edward waiting for me in the parking lot, but it faded quickly. He was no different, unless maybe more remote.
上学的时候情况还是和两天前一样，默默无语、令人沮丧、让人害怕的气氛挥之不去。看到爱德华在停车场等我，我有些欣慰，但是这种感觉很快就消失殆尽了。他还是那样，除了可能离我更遥远一些。
It was hard to even remember the reason for all this mess. My birthday already felt like the distant past. If only Alice would come back. Soon. Before this got any more out of hand.
记住造成混乱的原因很困难，对我而言生日似乎已经是很遥远的事情了。要是爱丽丝回来就好了。赶快回来！在这一切失去控制之前。
“I’ll do it,” he said quietly. “And I’ll still beat you there.” He smiled my favorite crooked smile, but it was wrong. It didn’t reach his eyes.
“我去寄吧，”他轻轻地说道，“我还是会先到家等你的。”他脸上露出我最喜欢的狡黠的笑容，但是感觉不对劲，他的眼里并没有笑意。
“Of course not.”
“当然不介意。”
He walked me to my truck, and I steeled myself to make my demands.
他陪我走到卡车旁，而我则使自己坚强起来，提出我的要求。
“Do you mind if I come over today?” he asked before we got to the truck, beating me to the punch.
“你介意今天我过来吗？”在我们上车之前，他问道，他比我反应更快。
“Now?” he asked again, opening my door for me.
“现在吗？”他又问道，一边替我把门打开。
“Sure,” I kept my voice even, though I didn’t like the urgency in his tone. “I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I’ll meet you there.”
“当然啦，”我努力使声音保持平静，尽管我不喜欢他急切的语气，“我回家的路上会顺道儿给蕾妮寄封信，我会在家等你的。”
He looked at the fat envelope on the passenger seat. Suddenly, he reached over me and snagged it.
他看着乘客座上厚厚的信封，突然，他从我面前探过身子一把把信封抢了过去。
He did beat me home. He was parked in Charlie’s spot when I pulled up in front of the house. That was a bad sign. He didn’t plan to stay, then. I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.
他的确比我早到家。我把车停在门口时，他已经把车停在了查理的车位上。那是个坏兆头。那么，他没打算留下来。我摇了摇头，深吸一口气，努力找到些许勇气。
“Okay,” I agreed, unable to smile back. He shut the door, and headed toward his car.
“好吧。”我应和着说，但我却无法挤出笑容。他关上门朝他的车走过去。
He got out of his car when I stepped out of the truck, and came to meet me. He reached to take my book bag from me. That was normal. But he shoved it back onto the seat. That was not normal.
我正要下车的时候，他从自己的车上下来，走过来迎接我。他伸出手拿过我手中的书包皮，这很正常。但是，他把书包皮又扔回座椅上，这却不正常。
But he didn’t wait for an answer. He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. I followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It was what I wanted, I reminded myself. The chance to talk it all through. So why was the panic choking me?
但是他没有等我回答，便牵着我径直来到院子的东边和森林交 界的地方。我很不情愿地跟着他，努力在惊慌中理清思绪。这是我想要的，我告诉自己，这是谈清楚一切的机会。既然如此，为什么这种惊慌使我无法呼吸呢？
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn’t like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in my head repeated again and again.
我没有回答，也想不出拒绝的方式，但是我立刻意识到我想拒绝。我不喜欢这样，这样很糟糕，这样非常糟糕，这个声音在我脑海里一遍又一遍地重复。
I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask.
我也深吸了一口气。这是可以接受的选择，我想我已经准备好了，但是我还是得问清楚。
“Come for a walk with me,” he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand.
“过来和我走走。”他一边牵起我的手，一边毫无感情地提议说。
“Bella, it’s time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he’s claiming thirty-three now. We’d have to start over soon regardless.”
“贝拉，时间到了，我们究竟还能在福克斯待多久呢？卡莱尔几乎活不过三十岁，而他现在就要三十三了，无论如何，我们要重新开始了。”
We’d gone only a few steps into the trees when he stopped. We were barely on the trail — I could still see the house.
我们走进森林没几步，他就停了下来，在这里我们还能找到回去的路——我仍然看得见房子。
He took a deep breath. “Bella, we’re leaving.”
他深吸了一口气。“贝拉，我们要走了。”
Some walk. Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expression unreadable.
走了一会。爱德华靠在一棵树上，注视着我，我读不懂他脸上的表情。
“Why now? Another year –“
“为什么是现在？再过一年——”
“Okay, let’s talk,” I said. It sounded braver than it felt.
“好吧，我们谈谈吧。”我说道，听起来比感觉到的要勇敢些。
“You can’t, Bella. Where we’re going… It’s not the right place for you.”
“你不能，贝拉，我们要去的地方……不适合你。”
“What happened with Jasper — that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!”
“发生在贾斯帕身上的事情——那没什么大不了的，爱德华！那没什么！”
With a roll of nausea, I realized I’d misunderstood.
一阵极其反感的情绪涌上心头，我意识到我误会他的意思了。
“When you say we –,” I whispered.
“你说我们时——”我轻声说道。
“Where you are is the right place for me.”
“有你的地方就是适合我的地方。”
“My world is not for you,” he said grimly.
“我的世界不适合你。”他冷酷地说道。
He stared back coldly.
他冷漠地回望着我。
His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace. Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.
他的回答令我迷惑不解。我以为离开的意思是让他的家人宁静地生活。如果他们要离开的话，为什么我们要离开？我盯着他，努力地弄清楚他想表达的意思。
“I’m no good for you, Bella.”
“我对你没好处，贝拉。”
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll come with you.”
“好吧，”我说，“我和你一起走。”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. “You’re the very best part of my life.”
“别傻了，”我让自己听起来很生气，但是听起来好像是在乞求，“你是生活中最美好的部分。”
“You’re right,” he agreed. “It was exactly what was to be expected.”
“你说对了，”他承认道，“那正是我们料到会发生的事情。”
I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.
我机械地来回摇着头想搞清楚是怎么回事。他等待着，没有表现出丝毫地不耐烦，过了好几分钟我才能说话。
“I mean my family and myself.” Each word separate and distinct.
“我的意思是我的家人和我自己。”每个词都是单独的，意思再清晰明了不过。
“You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay –“
“你答应过我的！在菲尼克斯，你答应过我你会留下来——”
He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder — like the liquid gold had frozen solid.
他深吸了一口气，眼睛空洞地盯着地面，好久。他的嘴角扭曲了一点点，不过非常细微，难以察觉。他终于抬起头，但眼神已经不一样了，变得更加坚定——就像液态金凝固了一样。
“As long as that was best for you,” he interrupted to correct me.
“只要那样对你来说是最好的。”他打断我，纠正我的措辞。
“No! This is about my soul, isn’t it?” I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me — somehow it still sounded like a plea. “Carlisle told me about that, and I don’t care, Edward. I don’t care! You can have my soul. I don’t want it without you — it’s yours already!”
“不！这是关于我的灵魂的，难道不是吗？”我愤怒地大声叫道，所有的话在我心中炸开了锅——不知道为什么，这些话听起来还是像祈求。“卡莱尔跟我说过这件事，我不在意，爱德华，我不在意！你可以带走我的灵魂，我不想没有你——我的灵魂已经是你的了！”
There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.
我停顿了一下，重复了几次我脑子里的话，仔细检查它们的真实意图。
“Bella, I don’t want you to come with me.” He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.
“贝拉，我不想你跟我一起走。”他慢慢地说出这些精确的措词，冷漠的视线落在我的脸上，注视着我逐渐领会到他真正的意思。
“You… don’t… want me?” I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.
“你……不……要我去？”我试探着说出这些话，被它们传递出来的信息、排列的顺序弄迷糊了。
“No.”
“不要。”
I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz — hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in rheir bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he’d spoken.
我不明就里地盯着他的眼睛，他毫无歉意地回视着我。他的眼睛像黄玉一样——坚硬，透明，也很深邃。我感到我能看透他眼里很深很深的地方，但是在深不见底的地方我看不到一处与他刚刚所说的话相矛盾的地方。
“Don’t.” My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. “Don’t do this.”
“不要，”我的声音现在只有耳语那么轻了；我的意识像硫酸一样慢慢地在我的血管里流淌，开始渗透全身。“别这样做。”
He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. “Of course, I’ll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it’s time for a change. Because I’m… tired of pretending to be something I’m not, Bella. I am not human.” He looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were not human. “I’ve let this go on much too long, and I’m sorry for that.”
他又开口说话的时候视线转到树上去了，“当然了，我会永远爱你的……在某种程度上。但是那天晚上发生的事情使我意识到做出改变的时候到了。因为我……厌倦了假装成本来不是我自己的样子，贝拉。我不是人类。”他往后看了一眼，完美的脸庞冷冰冰的，但那轮廓不是人类的。“我已经放任太久了，为此我感到很抱歉。”
“Well, that changes things.” I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded. It must be because I was so numb. I couldn’t realize what he was telling me. It still didn’t make any sense.
“好吧，那会改变许多事情。”我的声音听起来平静而理智，这倒令我感到很意外。这肯定是因为我已经如此麻木不堪了。我无法弄明白他正在跟我说的话，那些话仍然没有意义。
He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.
他只是盯着我，我能从他的眼睛看出来我的话已经太迟了。他已经这样做了。
“You’re not good for me, Bella.” He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn’t good enough for him.
“你对我没好处，贝拉。”他把先前说话的对象对调了一下，这样我就不会再争论了。我多么清楚地知道我配不上他啊。
I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited patiently, his face wiped clean of all emotion. I tried again.
我张开嘴巴，想说些什么，接着又闭上了。他耐心地等待着，脸上没有任何表情。我张开嘴巴，又努力了一次。
I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he’d composed his features into the same serene mask.
我想知道他从我的表情上看到了什么，因为他对此有回应，某种东西在他脸上一闪即逝。但是，在我还没能弄清楚那是什么之前，他就让自己镇定下来，戴上了同样严厉的面具。
“I would like to ask one favor, though, if that’s not too much,” he said.
“但是，我想请你帮个忙，如果不是那么过分的话。”他说道。
“And I’ll make you a promise in return,” he said. “I promise that this will be the last time you’ll see me. I won’t come back. I won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I’d never existed.”
“作为回报，我也会答应你一件事情，”他说道，“我答应你这是你最后一次见到我，我不会再回来，我不会再让你承受这样的事情，你可以继续自己的生活而不受我的干涉，一切就像我从来没有存在过一样。”
My whole body went numb. I couldn’t feel anything below the neck.
我整个身体都麻木了，颈项以下没有任何感觉。
“Anything,” I vowed, my voice faintly stronger.
“什么事情都可以。”我信誓旦旦地说道，我的声音虽然虚弱，却不肯示弱。
“If… that’s what you want.” He nodded once.
“如果……那是你想要的。”他再次点了点头。
As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.
我注视着他，他僵硬的眼神开始融化，眼里的金色再次变得清澈起来，他的眼神炙热，在我的眼里剧烈地燃烧起来，让人无法抗拒。
I nodded helplessly.
我无助地点点头。
“Don’t do anything reckless or stupid,” he ordered, no longer detached. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“不要做鲁莽的事情，也不要做傻事，”他命令道，不再不近人情，“你了解我所说的话吗？”
I nodded again. “I will,” I whispered. He seemed to relax just a little.
我又点了点头，“我会的。”我轻声说道。
His eyes cooled, the distance returned. “I’m thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself — for him.”
他的眼睛冷却下来，那种距离感又回到他眼中。“当然，我在想查理，他需要你，好好照顾自己——为了他。”
“Well” — he hesitated for a short second — “I won’t forget. But my kind… we’re very easily distracted.” He smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch his eyes.
“噢，”——他停顿了片刻——“我不会忘记的，不过我们这类……我们非常容易分神。”他微笑了；他的笑容很平静，但他的眼中没有笑意。
He smiled gently. “Don’t worry. You’re human — your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind.”
他温 柔地笑了：“别担心，你们是人类——你们的记忆只是一个滤网，对你们人类而言，时间会治愈一切创伤。”
My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away.
我的膝盖准是颤抖了，因为树突然摇晃起来，我能听到血液快速地撞击着我的耳后根，比正常情况还要快一些。他的声音听起来更遥远。
“And your memories?” I asked. It sounded like there was something stuck in my throat, like I was choking.
“那么你的记忆呢？”我问道，听起来我的喉咙里似乎被什么东西卡住了，我仿佛在哽咽一样。
“No. They’re all gone. I staved behind to tell you goodbye.”
“是的，他们都走了，我留下来跟你说再见。”
He took a step away from me. “That’s everything, I suppose. We won’t bother you again.”
他向后退了一步，离我更远一些了：“我要说的都说了，我想。我们不会再打扰你了。”
“Alice isn’t coming back,” I realized. I don’t know how he heard me — the words made no sound — but he seemed to understand.
“爱丽丝不会回来了。”我意识到，我不知道他是怎么听见我在心里说的话的——那些话没有声音——但是他似乎理解了我的意思。
The plural caught my attention. That surprised me; I would have thought I was beyond noticing anything.
他用的是复数的“我们”，这引起了我的注意；这倒是令我感到惊讶不已，我以为我已经注意不到任何东西了。
“Alice is gone?” My voice was blank with disbelief.
“爱丽丝走了？”我的声音一片空白，充满了怀疑。
He shook his head slowly, always watching my face.
他慢慢地摇了摇头，一直注视着我的脸。
I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare.
我努力正常地呼吸，我需要集中精神，找到一条路逃出这场梦魇。
I was dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. His words swirled around in my head, and I heard the doctor at the hospital in Phoenix, last spring, as he showed me the X-rays. You can see it’s a clean break, his finger traced along the picture of my severed bone. That’s good. It will heal more easily, more quickly.
我一阵眩晕，很难集中精神。他的话在我脑子里像漩涡一样旋转着，去年春天，我听菲尼克斯医院里的医生在给我看X光片的时候对我说的话。你看这里完全裂开了，他的手指顺着断裂的骨头图片如是说，那很好，这样更容易恢复，好得更快。
“She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you.”
“她本想跟你说再见的，但我说服她彻底决裂、完全改变对你来说更好。”
There was a light, unnatural breeze. My eyes flashed open. The leaves on a small vine maple shuddered with the gentle wind of his passage.
忽然吹来一阵轻柔而不自然的微风。我猛地睁开眼睛，一棵小藤枫的叶子随着他离开时身后扬起的轻风抖动起来。
“Goodbye, Bella,” he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice.
“再见，贝拉。”他还是那么从容平静地说道。
“Wait!” I choked out the word, reaching for him, willing my deadened legs to carry me forward.
“等等！”我挤出这个词语，向他伸出手，希望我一动也不能动的双腿能使我向前走动。
I thought he was reaching for me, too. But his cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed.
我以为他也会向我伸出手，但是他冰冷的双手紧箍在我的腰间，把我的身体扶正。他弯下腰，轻轻地把嘴唇贴在我的额头上，但这一刻非常短暂，我闭上双眼。
“Take care of yourself,” he breathed, cool against my skin.
“好好照顾自己。”他呼着气，使我的皮肤感到寒冷。
He was gone.
他走了。
As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I couldn’t remember how long it had been since nightfall. Was it always so dark here at night? Surely, as a rule, some little bit of moonlight would filter down through the clouds, through the chinks in the canopy of trees, and find the ground.
我躺在那里，感到这样过的时间比我意识到的还要久。我不记得从夜幕降临后到现在到底过了多久。难道这里晚上一直都是这么黑吗？当然了，通常会有一缕月光漏过云层，铺洒在沙沙作响的树梢上，穿透华盖般的树荫，洒落在地面上。
Finally, I tripped over something — it was black now, I had no idea what caught my foot — and I stayed down. I rolled onto my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up on the wet bracken.
最后，我被什么东西绊倒了——现在四周一片漆黑，我不知道脚底下踩到什么东西了——我趴在地上，翻了个身，侧躺着才能呼吸，而后在潮湿的灌木丛上蜷缩起来了。
With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.
我双腿颤抖起来，跟着他走进森林，完全顾不上我的行为根本无济于事。他所到之处的踪迹一会儿就消失了，连脚印都没有，树叶又静止下来，但是我想都没想就往前走去。我什么也不能做。我得不停地走，如果我停止寻找他，一切就都结束了。
Love, life, meaning… over.
爱情，生命，人生的意义……一切都结束了。
I walked and walked. Time made no sense as I pushed slowly through the thick undergrowth. It was hours passing, but also only seconds. Maybe it felt like time had frozen because the forest looked the same no matter how far I went. I started to worry that I was traveling in a circle, a very small circle at that, but I kept going. I stumbled often, and, as it grew darker and darker, I fell often, too.
我走啊，走啊。我慢慢地穿过茂密的小树丛，时间对我而言没有任何意义。几个小时过去了，但是也只不是几秒钟的时间而已。或许感觉时间已经停滞了，因为无论我走得有多么远，四周的森林看起来都是一样的。我开始担心我是在绕圈子了，绕着一个很小的圈子，但是我还是继续往前走，一路上跌跌绊绊个不停，随着天色越来越暗，我还经常摔倒。
A new moon. I shivered, though I wasn’t cold.
一轮新月。我颤抖了，尽管我并不冷。
It was black for a long time before I heard them calling.
这样漆黑一片过了很久，我才听见他们叫喊的声音。
Sometime later, the rain woke me up. I don’t think I’d really fallen asleep; I was just lost in an unthinking stupor, holding with all my strength to the numbness that kept me from realizing what I didn’t want to know.
又过了一会儿，雨水把我唤醒，我想我并没有真的睡着；我只是沉浸在一种无法思考的昏迷之中，我用尽全力抓住那种麻木的感觉，阻止我意识到我不想知道的事情。
Not tonight. Tonight the sky was utterly black. Perhaps there was no moon tonight — a lunar eclipse, a new moon.
但是今晚却没有。今晚的天空黑漆漆的一片，可能是因为今晚没有月亮——但是有月蚀，有新月。
Someone was shouting my name. It was muted, muffled by the wet growth that surrounded me, but it was definitely my name. I didn’t recognize the voice. I thought about answering, but I was dazed, and it took a long time to come to the conclusion that I should answer. By then, the calling had stopped.
有人在大声叫喊我的名字。声音被环绕在我周围的潮气压低了，变得模糊不清，但是他们肯定是在喊我的名字。我没认出来这是谁的声音，我想到要回答，但是我感到头晕，过了很久我才得出我应该回应他们的结论。在这之前，叫喊声已经停止了。
The rain bothered me a little. It was cold. I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover my face.
雨水让我有些心烦意乱，天气很冷，我从腿旁边伸开双臂蒙住我的脸
It was then that I heard the calling again. It was farther away this time, and sometimes it sounded like several voices were calling at once. I tried to breathe deeply. I remembered that I should answer, but I didn’t think they would be able to hear me. Would I be able to shout loud enough?
。就在那时我又听见了呼喊声。这一次离我更远了，有时候听起来好像有好几个声音一起在叫我。我努力深呼吸，记起来我应该回答，但是我想他们不会听见我的声音。我能喊出足够大的声音吗？
I stared up — impossibly high it seemed — at the dark face that I could now see above me. I was vaguely aware that the stranger probably only looked so tall because my head was still on the ground.
我抬起头，仰望着——这个身影看起来不可思议的高——我盯着这张黝黑的脸，现在我能看见他俯视着我。我模模糊糊地意识到这个陌生人可能只是看起来那么高，因为我仍然躺在地上，从地下仰视着他呢。
The rain continued, and I could feel the water pooling up against my cheek. I was trying to gather the strength to turn my head when I saw the light.
雨一直在下，我能感觉到雨水从我的脸颊上流淌下来，当我看见灯光的时候，我用尽全力转过头。
Suddenly, there was another sound, startlingly close. A kind of snuffling, an animal sound. It sounded big. I wondered if I should feel afraid. I didn’t — just numb. It didn’t matter. The snuffling went away.
突然，传来另一个声音，离我惊人地近。那是用鼻音发出的呜呜声，是动物的声音。听起来这头动物很大。我不知道我是否感到害怕，我没有害怕——只是感到麻木。不过，那没什么，呜呜的声音走开了。
At first it was just a dim glow reflecting off the bushes in the distance. It grew brighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of a flashlight. The light broke through the closest brush, and I could see that it was a propane lantern, but that was all I could see — the brightness blinded me for a moment.
起初只是从远处灌木丛中反射出来的昏暗灯光。灯光越来越明亮，照亮了更大一片地方，不像手电筒聚集的光束。光穿透了最茂密的灌木丛，我看得见那是一只丙烷灯笼，不过那是我能看到的全部——明亮的光线让我有一会儿什么也看不见。
“Bella.”
“贝拉。”
The voice was deep and unfamiliar, but full of recognition. He wasn’t calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found.
这个声音深沉而陌生，但是却一下子认出了我。他不是在搜寻中呼喊我的名字，而是确定找到了我。
The tall man held out a hand. I gazed at it, not sure what I was supposed to do.
这个高个子伸出一只手，我凝视着它，不清楚我该怎么办。
“Charlie sent me to look for you.”
“查理让我来找你。”
Charlie? That struck a chord, and I tried to pay more attention to what he was saying. Charlie mattered, if nothing else did.
查理？这拨动了我的心，使我努力集中注意力去听他所说的话。查理很重要，要是没有其它事情让我感到更重要的话。
There was nothing familiar about his name.
这个名字一点儿也不熟。
His black eyes appraised me for a second, and then he shrugged. In a quick and supple notion, he pulled me up from the ground and into his arms.
他用黑色的眼睛打量了我一会儿，接着耸了耸肩，敏捷轻快地一把把我从地面拉了起来，抱在他的怀里。
I hung there, limp, as he loped swiftly through the wet forest. Some part of me knew this should upset me — being carried away by a stranger. But there was nothing left in me to upset.
他动作灵敏、轻松自如地穿过湿润的森林，而我则软绵绵地挂在他的胳膊上，我心中的某个地方知道这应该令我不安——被一个陌生人带走了，然而，我心中已经没有什么事情值得让我担心的了。
“Bella, my name is Sam Uley.”
“贝拉，我叫山姆·乌利。”
The babble ceased, and then picked up again with more intensity. A confusing swirl of faces moved over me. Sam’s voice was the only one that made sense in the chaos, perhaps because my ear was against his chest.
喧闹的声音一下子停了下来，接着又哄闹了起来，这次声音更大了。一张张迷惑不解的脸现在都围在我身边，山姆的声音是我在这片混乱中唯一能听清楚的声音，也许是因为我的耳朵贴着他的胸膛。
“I’ve got her!” he called in a booming voice.
“我找到她了！”他的声音隆隆作响。
I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point?
我知道这些话传达出来的意思，但是我只能盯着他，意识仍迷惑不清。现在这种意识难道还重要吗？
“Have you been hurt?”
“你受伤了吗？”
It didn’t seem like too much time passed before there were lights and the deep babble of many male voices. Sam Uley slowed as he approached the commotion.
好像没过多久就出现了许多灯光，很多男人们低沉地说着听不清楚的话。山姆？乌利向这团 混乱的人群靠近时放慢了脚步。
“I’m right here, baby.”
“我就在这儿，宝贝。”
I opened my eyes again when I heard the door unlock. We were on the porch of our house, and the tall dark man named Sam was holding the door for Charlie, one arm extended toward us, as if he was preparing to catch me when Charlie’s arms failed.
听到开门的声音，我再次张开了眼睛，我们已经到了家门口，叫山姆的黑皮肤的高个子为查理扶着门，向我们伸出一只手，仿佛查理的胳膊不堪重负时他随时准备把我接过去一样。
“Bella, honey, are you all right?”
“贝拉，宝贝，你还好吗？”
“Maybe I should hold on to her,” Sam Uley suggested.
“也许我应该继续抱着她。”山姆·乌利建议道。
That was one voice I would know anywhere — even distorted, as it was now, with worry. “Charlie?” My voice sounded strange and small.
那个声音——哪怕因为担忧而失真了，就像现在一样，无论我身处何方都会认出来。“查理？”我的声音很奇怪，也很小。
He walked slowly, struggling. I wished I could tell him to put me down and let me walk, but I couldn’t find my voice.
他慢慢地走着，艰难地前进着。我希望我能让他把我放下来，让我自己走，可是我一句话也说不出来。
There was a shifting under me, followed by the leathery smell of my dad’s sheriff jacket. Charlie staggered under my weight.
有人在我身下交换了一下，接着传来一阵我爸爸治安警装的皮革味。查理抱着我摇晃了一下。
“Was I saying that out loud?” I bit down on my lip.
“我说得那么大声吗？”我咬住下嘴唇。
“We’re almost home now, honey,” Charlie mumbled now and then.
“我们就快到家了，宝贝。”查理时不时地咕哝着。
“No, I don’t think she’s hurt,” he told someone. “She just keeps saying ‘He’s gone.'”
“没有，我想她没有受伤，”他对某个人说，“她只是一直不停地说‘他走了’。”
“I’ve got her,” Charlie said, a little breathless.
“我来抱她。”查理说道，他有些喘不过气来。
There were lights everywhere, held by the crowd walking with him. It felt like a parade. Or a funeral procession. I closed my eyes.
人群和他一道往前走，从他们那里传来的光弥漫了四周，看起来像游行一样，或者像送葬的队伍。我闭上了双眼。
“That doesn’t matter.” His voice was gruff. And then he was talking to someone else. “Blankets are in the cupboard at the top of the stairs.”
“没关系，”他声音沙哑地说道，接着他走向另一个人，“毯子在楼梯顶上的柜子里。”
His warm hand touched my forehead, and his fingers pressed against the inside of my wrist. I watched his lips as he counted to himself, his eyes on his watch.
他用温 暖的手摸了摸我的额头，并用手指头压住我的手腕内侧，当他盯着手表，默默地数数时，我注视着他的嘴唇。
“Dad, I’m all wet,” I objected feebly.
“爸爸，我全身湿透了。”我虚弱地说道，感到很不满。
But Charlie managed to get me through the door and to the couch in the living room.
但是查理抱着我走进门，然后来到客厅的沙发上。
“Bella?” a new voice asked. I looked at the gray-haired man leaning over me, and recognition came after a few slow seconds.
“贝拉？”另一个陌生的声音问道。我看着在我上方弯着身子，头发灰白的人，过了好一会儿，我才认出他来。
“Dr. Gerandy?” I mumbled.
“杰兰迪医生？”我含糊不清地问道。
“That’s right, dear,” he said. “Are you hurt, Bella?”
“是我，亲爱的，”他说道，“你疼吗，贝拉？”
“I’m not hurt,” I lied. The words, were true enough for what he’d asked.
“我不疼。”我撒谎了，不过我说的话足以回答了他问的问题。
It took me a minute to think that through. I was confused by the memory of Sam Uley’s similar question in the woods. Only Sam had asked something else: Have you been hurt? he’d said. The difference seemed significant somehow.
我过了一会儿才想清楚，我感到迷惑不解起来，因为我还记得在森林里山姆？乌利也问过类似的问题，只不过山姆问的不一样：你受伤了吗？。这种不同不知何故好像很重要。
Dr. Gerandy was waiting. One grizzled eyebrow rose, and the wrinkles on his forehead deepened.
杰兰迪医生等待着，他抬起一只灰白的眉毛，接着额头上的皱纹加深了。
I froze under his hand, tasting panic in the back of my throat.
我的身体在他的手下僵硬了，一阵恐慌涌进喉咙。
Charlie was the closest. He leaned in to hear my answer.
查理站得最近，他弯腰靠近我想听清楚我的回答。
“What happened to you?” he asked casually.
“发生了什么事？”他不经意地问道。
“Did you get lost in the woods?” he prodded. I was aware of several other people listening. Three tall men with dark faces — from La Push, the Quileute Indian reservation down on the coastline, I guessed — Sam Uley among them, were standing very close together and staring at me. Mr. Newton was there with Mike and Mr. Weber, Angela’s father; they all were watching me more surreptitiously than the strangers. Other deep voices rumbled from the kitchen and outside the front door. Half the town must have been looking for me.
“你在森林里迷路了吗？”他提醒我问道。我知道还有其他几个人在听。三个脸庞黝黑的高个子男人——他们来自拉普西，那里是奎鲁特印第安人的保留地，沿着海岸线下去，我猜想——山姆？乌利也在他们当中，他们站得很近，都盯着我。牛顿先生和迈克，韦伯先生——安吉拉的父亲站在一起；他们都注视着我，目光比这些陌生人更诡秘。另一阵低沉的声音从厨房和前门外面轰隆隆地传过来，小镇上半数以上的人肯定都在找我。
“Do you feel tired?” Dr. Gerandy asked.
“你觉得累吗？”杰兰迪医生问道。
“Yes,” I whispered. “I got lost.”
“是的，”我轻声细语道，“我迷路了。”
The doctor nodded, thoughtful, his fingers probing gently against the glands under my jaw. Charlie’s face hardened.
医生若有所思地点了点头，用手指头轻轻地按了按我的腮腺。查理脸色变得坚硬起来。
I nodded and closed my eyes obediently.
我点点头，温 顺地闭上眼睛。
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her,” I heard the doctor mutter to Charlie after a moment. “Just exhaustion. Let her sleep it off, and I’ll come check on her tomorrow,” he paused. He must have looked at his watch, because he added, “Well, later today actually.”
“我想她没有生病，”过了一会儿，我听见一声跟查理轻声说道，“只不过筋疲力尽罢了，让她睡吧，明天我会过来给她检查的。”他停顿了一下，他肯定看着手表，因为他接着又说道，“好吧，今天真的很晚了。”
There was a creaking sound as they both pushed off from the couch to get to their feet.
他们俩从沙发上站起来的时候发出一阵“咯吱咯吱”的声音。
“Dr. Cullen asked us not to say anything,” Dr. Gerandy answered. “The offer was very sudden; they had to choose immediately. Carlisle didn’t want to make a big production out of leaving.”
“卡伦医生叫我什么都别说，”杰兰迪医生回答道，“工作邀请来的非常突然；他们得立即做出决定，卡莱尔不想因为离开而弄得沸沸扬扬。”
“Is it true?” Charlie whispered. Their voices were farther away now. I strained to hear. “Did they leave?”
“真的吗？”查理低声说道，他们的声音现在渐渐远去了，我竖起耳朵去听，“他们走了吗？”
“A little warning might have been nice,” Charlie grumbled.
“起码应该事先提醒一下。”查理抱怨道。
Dr. Gerandy sounded uncomfortable when he replied. “Yes, well, in this situation, some warning might have been called for.”
杰兰迪医生回答的时候声音里带着一丝不安：“是的，好吧，在这种情况下，是需要一些提醒的。”
I didn’t want to listen anymore. I felt around for the edge of the quilt someone had laid on top of me, and pulled it over my ear.
我不想再听了，我摸索着盖在我身上的被子，拉过被角堵住耳朵。
I drifted in and out of alertness. I heard Charlie whisper thanks to the volunteers as, one by one, they left. I felt his fingers on my forehead, and then the weight of another blanket. The phone rang a few times, and he hurried to catch it before it could wake me. He muttered reassurances in a low voice to the callers.
我一会儿警觉，一会儿迷糊。当赶过来帮忙的人一个个离开的时候，我听到查理对他们轻声说着谢谢。我感觉到他把手指头按在我的额头上，接着感到另外一条毯子的分量。电话响了几次，八五八书房他赶在吵醒我之前跑过去接电话，他压低音量小声地使打电话的人放心。
I heard the springs in the armchair groan when he settled himself in for the night.
他在扶手椅上坐下来休息，我听到椅子的弹簧吱嘎作响的声音。
“Hey, Billy, it’s Charlie — sorry I’m calling so early… no, she’s fine. She’s sleeping… Thanks, but that’s not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says that from her second-story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn’t really… Oh!” Suddenly there was an edge in his voice — irritation… or anger. “And why are they doing that? Uh huh. Really?” He said it sarcastically. “Well, don’t apologize to me. Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames don’t spread… I know, I know, I’m surprised they got them lit at all in this weather.”
“嘿，比利，我是查理——很抱歉这么早给你打电话……没，她很好，她睡着了……谢谢，但是我打电话来不是为了这个。刚才斯坦利夫人给我打电话说她从二楼的窗户看见海边的悬崖上有火光，但是我真的不……哦！”突然他的声音变得尖锐起来——带着烦躁不安……或者说是愤怒。“那么他们为什么要那么做呢？嗯哼，是吗？”他讽刺地说道，“好吧，别给我道歉，是的，是的，只要确保火焰别扩散……我知道，我知道，我只是惊讶他们在这种天气下还能把火点燃。”
Charlie moaned as he struggled to his feet, and then he rushed, stumbling, to the kitchen I pulled my head deeper under the blankets, not wanting to listen to the same conversation again.
查理边抱怨边挣扎着站起来，接着摇摇晃晃地跑到厨房里。我把头深深地埋在毯子里面，不想再听见同样的谈话。
His voice changed, it was much more alert when he spoke again. “Where?'” There was a pause. “You’re sure it’s outside the reservation?” Another short pause. “But what could be burning out there?” He sounded both worried and mystified. “Look, I’ll call down there and check it out.”
他的声音变了，他再次开口说话的时候声音变得更警觉，“哪里？”他暂停了一下，“你确定在保留地外面？”另一阵短暂的停顿，“但是那里会烧到什么东西呢？”他的声音听起来既担忧又迷惑，“瞧，我会打电话到那儿弄清楚的。”
“Yeah, we found her. She’s okay. She got lost. She’s fine now,” he said again and again.
“是的，我们找到她了，她还好，她迷路了，现在她很好。”他一遍一遍地说着。
“Yeah,” Charlie said, and yawned.
“是啊。”查理打着呵欠说道。
A few minutes later, the phone rang again.
又过了几分钟，电话铃又响了。
I listened with more interest as he punched in a number.
我饶有兴趣地听着他拨电话号码。
“I’m sorry I woke you, honey.”
“对不起我吵醒你了，亲爱的。”
He hurried to my side.
他匆忙地跑到我身边。
I could tell he didn’t want to answer. He looked at the floor under his knees. “They’re celebrating the news.” His tone was bitter.
我能猜出来他不想回答。他看着膝盖下的地板，“他们在庆祝这个消息。”他语气挖苦地说道。
Charlie muttered something incoherent as he shuffled back to the living room.
查理拖着脚走回客厅时语无伦次地咕哝着什么。
“Why?” I wondered dully.
“为什么？”我迟钝地问道。
“It’s nothing,” he assured me. “Just some bonfires out on the cliffs.”
“没什么，”他安慰我说，“不过是悬崖上有篝火在燃烧。”
“Bonfires?” I asked. My voice didn’t sound curious. It sounded dead.
“篝火？”我问道，声音里没有一点儿好奇，倒是有些疲惫。
Charlie hesitated, and then added grudgingly. “Thanks for sending Sam and the other boys up. You were right — they do know the forest better than we do. It was Sam who found her, so I owe you one… Yeah, I’ll talk to you later,” he agreed, still sour, before hanging up.
查理犹豫了一下，接着勉强补充道：“谢谢你让山姆和其他男孩子过来，你说得对——他们的确比我们更熟悉森林。是山姆找到她的，那么，我欠你个人情……好的，我晚些时候再跟你联系。”他赞成道，在挂电话之前声音里还带着酸溜溜的味道。
Charlie frowned. “Some of the kids from the reservation being rowdy,” he explained.
查理皱了皱眉头，“保留地的一些男孩子们吵吵闹闹的。”他解释道。
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“出什么事情了？”我问道。
There was only one piece of news I could think of, try as I might not to. And then the pieces snapped together. “Because the Cullens left,” I whispered. “They don’t like the Cullens in La Push — I’d forgotten about that.”
只有一个我能想到的消息，我尽力不要去想，接着这些片断突然联系到一块儿，“因为卡伦家离开了，”我轻声说道，“拉普西的人不喜欢卡伦家族——我差点儿忘记这事儿了。”
“Is something burning?”
“有东西着火了吗？”
The Quileutes had their superstitions about the “cold ones,” the blood-drinkers that were enemies to their tribe, just like they had their legends of the great flood and wolf-men ancestors. Just stories, folklore, to most of them. Then there were the few that believed. Charlie’s good friend Billy Black believed, though even Jacob, his own son, thought he was full of stupid superstitions. Billy had warned me to stay away from the Cullens…
奎鲁特印第安人对“冰冷的人”有他们自己的迷信，他们认为饮血的人是他们部落的敌人，正如他们有大洪水和狼人祖先的传说一样。对他们大多数人而言，这只不过是故事，民间传说罢了，只有很少的人相信这些。查理的好朋友比利？布莱克就相信，尽管雅各布，他自己的儿子认为这只不过是些无聊的迷信罢了。比利曾经提醒过我离卡伦家的人远一点…
The name stirred something inside me, something that began to claw its way toward the surface, something I knew I didn’t want to face.
这个名字激起了我内心的某种东西，它开始向上爬暴露在外面，那是我不想面对的东西。
“It’s ridiculous,” Charlie spluttered.
“无稽之谈！”查理不以为然气愤地说道。
We sat in silence for a moment. The sky was no longer black outside the window. Somewhere behind the rain, the sun was beginning to rise.
我们默不做声地坐了一会儿，窗外的天空不再那么黑暗了，大雨过后的某个地方，太陽开始升起了。
“Bella?” Charlie asked.
“贝拉？”查理问道。
I looked at him uneasily.
我不安地看着他。
“He left you alone in the woods?” Charlie guessed.
“他把你一个人留在森林里？”查理猜测道。
I deflected his question. “How did you know where to find me?” My mind shied away from the inevitable awareness that was coming, coming quickly now.
我转移了他的问题：“你怎么知道到哪里去找我啊？”我的思想避开无法避免的意识，现在它步步为营，迅速地向我逼近。
“Your note,” Charlie answered. surprised. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a much-abused piece of paper. It was dirty and damp, with multiple creases from being opened and refolded many times. He unfolded it again, and held it up as evidence. The messy handwriting was remarkably close to my own. Going for a walk with Edward, up the path, it said. Back soon, B.
“你的留言条。”查理惊讶地回答道。他把手伸进牛仔裤背后的口袋里，拉出一张破烂的纸条。纸条很脏，很潮湿，上面布满经过多次打开，折起来的褶皱。他再次打开纸条，把它当成证据摆在我面前。潦草的字迹显然很接近我的。和爱德华一起出去走走，在小道那边，纸条上这样写着，很快就回来，贝字。
He stared at me. “Didn’t Edward tell you?”
他盯着我：“难道爱德华没有告诉你吗？”
“Where did they go?” I mumbled.
“他们去哪儿了？”我轻声问道。
I shook my head, recoiling. The sound of his name unleashed the thing that was clawing inside of me — a pain that knocked me breathless, astonished me with its force.
我畏缩地摇摇头。听见他的名字把那个在我体内爬行的东西释放出来了——那种令我震惊不已的痛苦一下把我击垮，使我不能呼吸。
“When you didn’t come back, I called the Cullens, and no one answered,” Charlie said in a low voice. “Then I called the hospital, and Dr. Gerandy told me that Carlisle was gone.”
“当你还没有回来的时候，我给卡伦家打了电话，没人接，”查理低声地说道，“接着我给医院打电话，杰兰迪医生告诉我卡莱尔走了。”
Charlie eyed me doubtfully as he answered. “Carlisle took a job with a big hospital in Los Angeles. I guess they threw a lot of money at him.”
查理怀疑地看着我，回答道：“卡莱尔在洛杉矶的一家大医院接到一份工作，我猜他们在他身上砸了很多钱。”
Sunny L. A. The last place they would really go. I remembered my nightmare with the mirror… the bright sunlight shimmering off of his skin —
陽光明媚的洛杉矶。他们实际上最不会去的地方。我想起了我做的那面镜子的噩梦……明亮的陽光洒落在他的皮肤上——
Agony ripped through me with the memory of his face.
一想到他的脸庞，剧烈的痛苦就向我侵袭而来。
His name sent another wave of torture through me. I shook my head, frantic, desperate to escape the pain. “It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house… but I tried to follow him.”
一提到他的名字，另一波痛苦涌遍我的全身。我疯狂地摇头，绝望地想逃离这痛苦：“是我的错，他把我留在交 界的地方，还看得见房屋……但是我想跟着他。”
“I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods,” Charlie insisted.
“我想知道爱德华是否把你一个人留在树林里中。”查理坚持问道。
Charlie started to say something; childishly, I covered my ears. “I can’t talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room.”
查理开始说着什么，我孩子气地捂住耳朵：“我不想再谈论这事儿了，爸爸，我想到我自己的房间去。”
Before he could answer, I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up the stairs.
他还没来得及回答，我就从沙发上爬起来，摇摇晃晃地朝楼梯上走去。
I didn’t have to flip any farther than the first page. The little metal corners no longer held a picture in place. The page was blank except for my own handwriting scrawled across the bottom: Edward Cullen, Charlie’s kitchen, Sept. 13th.
只用翻开扉页，我就用不着继续往下翻了。夹在小小的金属边里面的那张照片已经不见了，扉页上是空白的，除了我自己在页底潦草地书写的一行字：爱德华？卡伦，查理的厨房，9月13日。
Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie, a note that would lead him to find me. From the minute that I’d realized this, a horrible suspicion began to grow in my head. I rushed to my room, shutting and locking the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my bed.
有人来过我家给查理留了字条，那张字条可以带领着他找到我。从我意识到这一点的那一刻起，恐怖的怀疑就开始在我脑海中变得越来越强烈。我冲进房间，关上门，并且上了锁，接着跑到我床 边的CD播放机那边去。
Everything looked exactly the same as I’d left it. I pressed down on the top of the CD player. The latch unhooked, and the lid slowly swung open. It was empty.
一切看起来和我走之前完全一样，我按住CD播放机顶部，弹簧锁弹开后盖子慢慢地翻开了。里面空无一物。
The album Renee had given me sat on the floor beside the bed, just where I’d put it last. I lifted the cover with a shaking hand.
蕾妮送给我的相册平放在床 边的地板上，就在我上次放的地方，我的手颤抖着打开封面。
I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn’t lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.
我感觉到膝盖下光滑的木质地板，然后是我的手掌，接着地板贴到我脸颊的皮肤上。我希望我只是感到眩晕，但是，令我失望的是，我并没有失去知觉。刚刚缠绕着我的痛苦像层层叠加的波浪一样，越来越高，朝我的头顶泼溅下来，把我摔倒在地。
I stopped there. I was sure that he would have been very thorough.
我停在那里，确定他干得非常彻底。
It will be as if I’d never existed, he’d promised me.
就好像我从来都没有存在过，他答应过我。
I did not resurface.
我没有重新浮上来。
0 条评论