“I don’t mind staying,” I said. I still hadn’t been able to sink back into my protective shell of numbness, and everything seemed oddly close and loud today, like I’d taken cotton out of my ears. I tried to tune out the laughing hikers without success.
“我不介意留下来，我说。我现在仍然没法回到我麻木的保护壳里，今天一切听起来都特别的接近和吵闹，就像我拿掉了耳朵里的棉花一样。我尝试着不去理会这些旅行者的笑声，但是没有成功。
“Bella, Why don’t you take off,” mike suggested, his eyes focused off to the side, not really looking at me. I wondered how long that had been going on without me noticing.
“贝拉，你为什么还不走呀，”迈克提议到，他的眼睛从我身上移到一边，没有看我。我在想在我没注意的时候他已经这样有多长时间。
“I’m telling you,” said the thickset man with the orange beard that didn’t match his dark brown hair. “I’ve seen grizzlies pretty close up in Yellowstone, but they had nothing on this brute.” His hair was matted, and his clothes looked like they’d been on his back for more than a few days. Fresh from the mountains.
“我告诉你啊，”那个体格健壮长着橙色胡子的男人说，他的胡子与他那头黑褐色的头发不太相配。“我在距离黄石公园很近的地方看到灰熊了，但是它们和我们说的这种野兽毫不相干。”他的头发纠结在一起，毫无光泽，他的衣服看起来好像穿了好一阵子了。他好像刚从山上回来一样。
It was a slow afternoon at Newton’s. At the moment there were only two patrons in the store, dedicated backpackers from the sound of their conversation. Mike had spent the last hour going through the pros and cons of two brands of lightweight packs with them. But they’d taken a break from serious pricing to indulge in trying to one-up each other with their latest tales from the trail. Their distraction had given Mike a chance to escape.
这是个漫长的下午，我呆着牛顿家的店子里。现在店里只有两个顾客，从他们的谈话可以看出他们是忠实的背包旅行者。迈克把最后一个小时都花在和他们讨论两款轻量背包的利弊上。但是他们停止了严肃的询价，转而专注于争先恐后的聊起一些最新的谣传之中。他们的分心使迈克有机会脱身。
“Not a chance. Black bears don’t get that big. The grizzlies you saw were probably cubs.” The second man was tall and lean, his face tanned and wind-whipped into an impressive leathery crust.
“不可能。黑熊不可能长那么大。你看到的灰熊可能还是只幼崽。”第二个男人长得瘦高，他的脸被晒黑了并且由于风吹日晒变得像皮革一样坚硬，让人印象深刻。
“If you want me to go…” I shrugged.
“如果你要我走的话……”我耸耸肩。
“See you Monday,” I mumbled.
“星期一见，”我咕噜到。
“Seriously, Bella, as soon as these two give up, I’m closing the place down,” Mike murmured.
“说真的，贝拉，只要这两个人一离开，我就关门，”迈克咕噜到。
Leather-face laughed and rolled his eyes. “Let me guess — you were on your way in? Hadn’t eaten real food or slept off the ground in a week, right?”
那张脸像皮革一样的男人大笑起来并且转了转他的眼睛。“让我猜猜——你是在进城去的路上看见的吧？一个星期没吃过真正意义上的食物，也没在地上打过盹，对吧？”
“On all fours it was taller than you,” the bearded man insisted while I gathered my things together. “Big as a house and pitch-black. I’m going to report it to the ranger here. People ought to be warned — this wasn’t up on the mountain, mind you — this was only a few miles from the trailhead.”
“它四脚着地也比你高，”当我收东西的时候那个长胡子的男人坚持到。“它想一桩房子那么大并且是漆黑色。我要向这里的护林者报告。人们应该被警告——它们可不是在山上，要小心——这离登山口只有几英里而已。
“Hey, uh, Mike, right?” the bearded man called, looking toward us.
“嘿，迈克，对吧？”那个长着胡须的男人叫道，看向我们。
“Say, have there been any warnings around here recently — about black bears?”
“说说，最近这儿有什么警示吗——关于黑熊的？”
“Yes, sir,” Mike replied, turning away.
“是的，先生，”迈克回答到，转过脸去。
“No, sir. But it’s always good to keep your distance and store your food correctly. Have you seen the new bear-safe canisters? They only weigh two pounds…”
“没有，先生。但是最好还是要保持距离，合理的储备你的食物。你见过新式的防熊手枪吗？“只有两磅重……”
The doors slid open to let me out into the rain. I hunched over inside my jacket as I dashed for my truck. The rain hammering against my hood sounded unusually loud, too, but soon the roar of the engine drowned out everything else.
门滑开了，我走进了雨里。当我跑向卡车的时候，我弯下腰躲进我的夹克里。雨滴击打着我车盖的声音也是异乎寻常的嘈杂，但不一会我发动机的咆哮声就盖过了一切。
My nightmare probably wouldn’t even frighten someone else. Nothing jumped out and screamed, “Boo!” There were no zombies, no ghosts, no psychopaths. There was nothing, really. Only nothing. Just the endless maze of moss-covered trees, so quiet that the silence was an uncomfortable pressure against my eardrums. It was dark, like dusk on a cloudy day, with only enough light to see that there was nothing to see. I hurried through the gloom without a path, always searching, searching, searching, getting more frantic as the time stretched on, trying to move faster, though the speed made me clumsy… Then there would come the point in my dream — and I could feel it coming now, but could never seem to wake myself up before it hit — when I couldn’t remember what it was that I was searching for. When I realized that there was nothing to search for, and nothing to find. That there never had been anything more than just this empty, dreary wood, and there never would be anything more for me… nothing but nothing…
我的噩梦也许甚至不会吓到任何人。没有什么东西跳出来或者发出吓人的惊叫。没有僵尸、鬼魂和变态。真的什么都没有。只是空无一物。只有一些布满苔藓的大树形成的一望无际的迷宫，它们是如此的寂静，这寂静难受的压迫着我的耳膜。昏暗的一片，就像阴天的黄昏一样，光线微弱到只能察觉到周围没什么可看的。我急切的穿越这片黑暗，那儿没有小路可走，我一直在寻找，寻找，寻找，随着时间的流逝我变得更加的慌乱，我努力想走的更快，虽然速度太快会让我变得笨拙……接着我梦境里的那一幕出现了——我现在能够感觉到它的逼近，但似乎永远没法在它惊醒我之前苏醒过来——那一刻我不记得我到底在寻找什么。那一刻我意识到没什么可寻找，可发现的。那儿除了空洞的，死寂的树林以外永远不会有其他东西，并且永远没有什么东西是属于我的……除了空无一物还是空无一物……
I didn’t want to go back to Charlie’s empty house. Last night had been particularly brutal, and I had no desire to revisit the scene of the suffering. Even after the pain had subsided enough for me to sleep, it wasn’t over. Like I’d told Jessica after the movie, there was never any doubt that I would have nightmares.
我不想回到查理那空洞洞的房子。昨晚变得尤其的残酷，我无意重游那些伤心之地。即使痛苦已经减弱到可以让我入睡的程度，但是它没有结束。就像我在电影后对杰西卡说的那样，毫无疑问我会做噩梦。
I always had nightmares now, every night. Not nightmares really, not in the plural, because it was always the same nightmare. You’d think I’d get bored after so many months, grow immune to it. But the dream never failed to horrify me, and only ended when I woke myself with screaming. Charlie didn’t come in to see what was wrong anymore, to make sure there was no intruder strangling me or something like that — he was used to it now.
我现在几乎每晚都会做噩梦。它并不是真正的噩梦，而且也不是很多，因为它总是那个同样的噩梦。你也许认为经过了这个多月我已经变得厌倦它了开始对它免疫。但是这个梦始终让我恐惧，每次都是以我惊叫的醒来告终。查理不再进来看发生了什么事，以确定没有陌生人闯入想掐死我或者诸如之类的事情——他现在已经习惯了。
I wasn’t paying attention to where I was driving — just wandering through empty, wet side roads as I avoided the ways that would take me home — because I didn’t have anywhere to go.
我没注意自己在往哪儿开——只是徘徊在这空荡荡的，湿漉漉的公路上，我避开着回家的路——因为我没有地方可去。
I wished I could feel numb again, but I couldn’t remember how I’d managed it before. The nightmare was nagging at my mind and making me think about things that would cause me pain. I didn’t want to remember the forest. Even as I shuddered away from the images, I felt my eyes fill with tears and the aching begin around the edges of the hole in my chest. I took one hand from the steering wheel and wrapped it around my torso to hold it in one piece.
我希望我能重新变得麻木，但是我已经记不得以前是如何做到的。那个噩梦在我的头脑中盘旋并且让我记起那些会让我受伤的事。我不想记起那片森林。即使当我战栗的甩开这些景象时，我还是能感觉到我的双眼溢满了泪水并且疼痛开始在我胸腔里的伤口四周蔓延。我把一只手从方向盘上拿开，用它抱住我的身体，以免我的身体变得残缺。
It will be as if I’d never existed. The words ran through my head, lacking the perfect clarity of my hallucination last night. They were just words, soundless, like print on a page. Just words, but they ripped the hole wide open, and I stomped on the brake, knowing I should not drive while this incapacitated.
这一切就像我不曾存在过一样。这次文字穿过我的头脑，不像昨晚的幻觉那样清晰。它们仅仅是一些文字，是没有声音的，就像印在纸上似的。只是一些文字，但是它们把我的伤口撕裂开来，我踩上刹车，我明白当我没法支撑下去的时候不应该开车的。
That was usually about when the screaming started.
那儿经常就是我开始尖叫的时候。
I curled over, pressing my face against the steering wheel and trying to breathe without lungs.
我趴下来，把我的脸抵在方向盘上，好像没有肺似的呼吸。
I wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now — if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it — I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he’d given me. More than I’d asked for, more than I’d deserved. Maybe someday I’d be able to see it that way.
我想知道这到底会持续多久呢。也许多年后的某一天——如果这伤痛可以至少减少到我能忍受的程度——我也许就能回顾这短短几个月，它们是我人生中最美好的时光。如果这是可能的，也就是说伤痛可以减轻到让我这么做的程度的话，那么我确信我会对他所给予我的所以时光心存感激。那比我要求的还多，比我渴望的还多。也许某一天我就能这样看待它了。
I held myself tightly together. As if he’d never existed, I thought in despair. What a stupid and impossible promise to make! He could steal my pictures and reclaim his gifts, but that didn’t put things back the way they’d been before I’d met him. The physical evidence was the most insignificant part of the equation. I was changed, my insides altered almost past the point of recognition. Even my outsides looked different — my face sallow, white except for the purple circles the nightmares had left under my eyes. My eyes were dark enough against my pallid skin that — if I were beautiful, and seen from a distance — I might even pass for a vampire now. But I was not beautiful, and I probably looked closer to a zombie.
我紧紧的抱住自己。就像他不曾存在的一样，我绝望的想到。这是一个多么愚蠢和不切实际的承诺呀！他可以偷走我的照片，收回他的礼物，但是他不可能把一切还原成我遇到他之前的样子。这些物质方面的证据是这个等式中最不重要的部分。我已经改变了，我内心的改变几乎无法辨认。甚至我的外表也看起来不同了——除了噩梦留在我眼睛下面的黑眼圈，我的整张脸都是灰暗并且苍白的。在我苍白皮肤的映衬下我的眼睛显得特别的黑——如果从远处看，我很漂亮的话——我现在甚至比吸血鬼还要苍白。但是我并不漂亮，我也许看起来更接近僵尸。
But what if this hole never got any better? If the raw edges never healed? If the damage was permanent and irreversible?
但是如果伤口永远不会好转怎么办？如果这些参差不齐的伤口四周永远不会愈合怎么办？如果这些伤害是永久的和无法复原怎么办？
As if he’d never existed? That was insanity. It was a promise that he could never keep, a promise that was broken as soon as he’d made it.
好像他不曾存在一样？那是多么荒谬啊。这是一个他永远无法兑现的承诺，一个他在做出之时就打破了的承诺。
It made me feel silly for ever worrying about keeping my promise. Where was the logic in sticking to an agreement that had already been violated by the other party? Who cared if I was reckless and stupid? There was no reason to avoid recklessness, no reason why I shouldn’t get to be stupid.
每当我担心要遵守诺言时，都让我感觉自己好傻。为什么我要去坚守一个已经被对方违背的诺言呢？谁会在意我是否鲁莽行事和做蠢事呢？没有理由让我避免鲁莽，没有理由让我不应该做傻事。
I laughed humorlessly to myself, still gasping for air. Reckless in Forks — now there was a hopeless proposition.
我独自冷笑着，继续大口喘着气。在福克斯鲁莽行事——现在这是一个毫无希望的提议。
I thumped my head against the steering wheel, trying to distract myself from the sharper pain.
我把偷猛地撞到方向盘上，尝试着把我自己从这个更强烈的痛苦中解脱出来。
I concentrated on my hopeless proposition to keep from sliding back into the excruciating memories. To be reckless in Forks would take a lot of creativity — maybe more than I had. But I wished I could find some way… I might feel better if I weren’t holding fast, all alone, to a broken pact. If I were an oath-breaker, too. But how could I cheat on my side of the deal, here in this harmless little town? Of course, Forks hadn’t always been so harmless, but now it was exactly what it had always appeared to be. It was dull, it was safe.
我把注意力都集中在这个毫无希望的提议上，避免我自己再次陷入这折磨人的回忆中。要想在福克斯鲁莽行事需要很多的创造力——也许比我拥有的还多。但是我希望我能找到些办法——如果我不是独自一人坚守这个已经被违背的誓言，我也许会好受一些。如果我也是一个誓言违背者，我会好受点。但是我怎么能单方面背弃这个誓言呢，在这么一个无害的小镇里。当然，福克斯并不是一直都如此的安全，但是现在它的确和它一直看起来的一样。它是沉闷的、安全的。
The dark humor distracted me, and the distraction eased the pain. My breath came easier, and I was able to lean back against the seat. Though it was cold today, my forehead was damp with sweat.
这个黑色幽默分散了我的注意力，缓解了我的痛苦。我的呼吸开始平顺下来，并且我也能够重新靠到我的座位上。虽然今天很冷，但是我的额头已经被汗水打湿了。
The cold rain dripped through my hair and then trickled across my cheeks like freshwater tears. It helped to clear my head. I blinked the water from my eyes, staring blankly across the road.
冰冷的雨水从我的头发上滴下来然后流到我的脸上就像淡淡的眼泪。它使我的头脑变得清醒。我眨了眨眼睛挤出里面的雨水，茫然的看着公路对面。
I stared out the windshield for a long moment, my thoughts moving sluggishly — I couldn’t seem to make those thoughts go anywhere. I cut the engine, which was groaning in a pitiful way after idling for so long, and stepped out into the drizzle.
我长时间的凝望着窗外，我的思想呆滞着——我好像没法思考任何事。我关掉引擎，它已经因为长时间的空载而可怜的呻吟着，下车走进雨里。
After a minute of staring, I recognized where I was. I’d parked in the middle of the north lane of Russell Avenue. I was standing in front of the Cheneys’ house — my truck was blocking their driveway — and across the road lived the Markses. I knew I needed to move my truck, and that I ought to go home. It was wrong to wander the way I had, distracted and impaired, a menace on the roads of Forks. Besides, someone would notice me soon enough, and report me to Charlie.
片刻后，我明白我在哪了。我把车停在了拉塞尔大街北边行车线的中央。我正站在采尼家房子的正前方——我的卡车挡住了他们的车道——马路对面住的是马科斯一家。我知道我需要移走我的卡车，并且我也应该回家了。心烦意乱、自我伤害的在马路上闲慌是不对的，这只会成为福克斯公路上的威胁。除此以外，也许很快就有人注意到我，并且告诉查理。
As I took a deep breath in preparation to move, a sign in the Markses’ yard caught my eye — it was just a big piece of cardboard leaning against their mailbox post, with black letters scrawled in caps across it.
我深吸了口气准备离开，这时马科斯家院子里的一个招牌引起了我的注意——它不过是靠在他们家信箱上的一张大硬纸板，上面潦草的写着一些黑色的大写字母。
So maybe it wasn’t kismet. Maybe there were just all kinds of ways to be reckless, and I only now had my eyes open to them.
那么或许它也不是命运的安排。也许想变得鲁莽还有很多办法，我现在却只注意到了它们。
Sometimes, kismet happens. Coincidence? Or was it meant to be? I didn’t know, but it seemed kind of silly to think that it was somehow fated, that the dilapidated motorcycles rusting in the Markses’ front yard beside the hand-printed FOR SALE, AS IS sign were serving some higher purpose by existing there, right where I needed them to be.
有时候，命运会降临。是巧合吗？或者说它本来就是如此？我不知道，但是我认为它就是某种意义上的命运，那些破烂的摩托车在马科斯家的院子里生锈了，旁别放着一个手工印刷的“出售”的牌子，就好像意味着它们存在在那里，在我最需要它们的地方，是为了一些更重要的目的，这种想法看起来很傻。
Reckless and stupid. Those were Charlie’s two very favorite words to apply to motorcycles.
鲁莽和愚蠢的。这是查理最喜欢用来形容摩托车的词汇。
Charlie’s job didn’t get a lot of action compared to cops in bigger towns, but he did get called in on traffic accidents. With the long, wet stretches of freeway twisting and turning through the forest, blind corner after blind corner, there was no shortage of that kind of action. But even with all the huge log-haulers barreling around the turns, mostly people walked away. The exceptions to that rule were often on motorcycles, and Charlie had seen one too many victims, almost always kids, smeared on the highway. He’d made me promise before I was ten that I would never accept a ride on a motorcycle. Even at that age, I didn’t have to think twice before promising. Who would want to ride a motorcycle here? It would be like taking a sixty-mile-per-hour bath.
与那么大城市的警察相比，查理的工作并不是很多，但是他常常被叫到交通事故的现场。这些漫长的、湿漉漉的高速公路蜿蜒曲折的延伸过森林，一个盲角接着一个盲角，这里从不缺少那样的车祸。但是即使所有的巨型起钓机在转弯处装载原木的时候，大多数的人都会走开。但是这个规律常常对那些骑摩托车的人例外，查理看到了太多的受害者，几乎大多数都是孩子，他们在高速公路被碾得血肉模糊。他在我十岁以前就要我发誓不会去骑摩托车。即使到我十岁时，我也会毫不犹豫的发誓不会去骑。谁会想在这里骑摩托车？这就像游泳时达到时速六十英里一样不可思议。
“Sure, you want to ask her?”
“当然，你想问问她吗？”
I glanced at the bikes again and saw that they were resting on a pile of yard clippings and dead branches. “Are you positive about that?”
我又扫视了这些车一眼，它们搁在一堆从院里里剪下来的杂草和枯树枝上。“你确定吗？”
One of the Marks boys opened the door, the younger one, the freshman. I couldn’t remember his name. His sandy hair only came up to my shoulder.
马科斯家的一个男孩打开了门，他是较小的那个，在读一年级。我记不起他的名字了。他茶色的头发只到我的肩部。
He had no trouble remembering my name. “Bella Swan?” he asked in surprise.
他毫不费力的记起我的名字。“贝拉。斯旺？”他惊呀的问道。
I sighed impatiently — this was something I’d already inferred from the sign. “How much?”
我不耐烦的叹了口气——这个在我看到招牌时已经推断出来了。“多少钱？”
“If you really want one, just take it. My mom made my dad move them down to the road so they’d get picked up with the garbage.”
“如果你真的想要，那就拿走吧。我妈叫我爸把它们放到路边那么它们就会和垃圾一起被收走了。”
“They don’t work.”
“它们已经坏了。”
“How much do you want for the bike?” I panted, jerking my thumb over my shoulder toward the sales display.
“你那辆车卖多少钱呀？”我喘着气说道，猛地伸出拇指指向身后出售的物品。
“Are you serious?” he demanded.
“你认真的吗？”他问道。
So many promises I kept…
我信守了这么多的承诺……
It clicked together for me then. I wanted to be stupid and reckless, and I wanted to break promises. Why stop at one?
当时这个想法正合我意。我想做些愚蠢和鲁莽的事，我想打破这些承诺。为什么不一次违背它们算了？
“Of course I am.”
“当然。”
That’s as far as I thought it through. I sloshed through the rain to the Markses’ front door and rang the bell.
那是我所能想到的。我趟过泥泞在雨中跑到马科斯家的前门，按了下门铃。
“Okay, thanks. I only need one, though.”
“好的，谢谢。不过我只需要一辆。”
It was probably better not to involve adults who might mention this to Charlie.
也许不去打扰这些大人会更好，他们有可能会对查理提到这事。
“No, I believe you.”
“不用了，我相信你。”
“Might as well take both,” the boy said. “Maybe you could scavenge some parts.”
“你不妨把两辆都拿走，”这男孩说。“也许你会用到某些零件。”
He followed me out into the downpour and helped me load both of the heavy bikes into the back of my truck. He seemed eager to be rid of them, so I didn’t argue.
他跟着我走进雨里并且帮我把那两辆沉重的摩托车放到我卡车的后面。他看起来好像很迫切的想摆脱它们，所以我没和他争辩。
“You want me to help you?” he offered. “They’re not light.”
“你需要我的帮忙吗？”他提议到。“它们可不轻。”
“I kind of guessed that,” I said, shrugging. My spur-of-the-moment whim hadn’t come with a plan intact. “Maybe I’ll take them to Dowling’s.”
“我差不多猜到了，”我耸耸肩的说道。我一时兴起的念头还没有形成一个完整的计划。“也许我会把它们送到道林家去。”
“What are you going to do with them, anyway?” he asked. “They haven’t worked in years.”
“不管怎么样，你要用它们做什么？”他问道。“它们已经好几年没用过了。”
He snorted. “Dowling would charge more to fix them than they’d be worth running.”
他哼了下鼻子。“道林家的收费很贵，不值得花那么多钱去修理它们。”
I couldn’t argue with that. John Dowling had earned a reputation for his pricing; no one went to him except in an emergency. Most people preferred to make the drive up to Port Angeles, if their car was able. I’d been very lucky on that front — I’d been worried, when Charlie first gifted me my ancient truck, that I wouldn’t be able to afford to keep it running. But I’d never had a single problem with it, other than the screaming-loud engine and the fifty-five-mile-per-hour maximum speed limit. Jacob Black had kept it in great shape when it had belonged to his father, Billy…
在这点上我没法反驳他。约翰。道林家收费高是出了名的；除非是紧急情况要不没人会去找他们。大多数的人们宁愿把车开到天使港去修，如果他们的车能还能开过去的话。在那方面我算幸运的——查理当初把这辆旧卡车送给我时，我还担心我无法负担它的花费。但是除了轰隆隆的引擎和最高五十五公路的时速限制外，我还没碰到过其它的问题。雅各布。布莱克把它保养的很好，当它还属于他父亲比利时。
“No. I just wanted directions to the Blacks’ place — I’m not sure I can remember the way. I want to visit Jacob. I haven’t seen him in months.”
“没有。我只是想知道怎么去布莱尔家——我不确定我还记得怎么走。我想去拜访雅各布。我已经好几个月没见到他了。”
He waved as I pulled away, still smiling. Friendly kid.
当我开车走时他朝我挥了挥手，仍然保持着微笑。真是个友善的孩子。
Inspiration hit like a bolt of lightning — not unreasonable, considering the storm. “You know what? That’s okay. I know someone who builds cars.”
灵感像电光一样闪过——考虑到这暴风雨的天气，这比喻也不是不合理。“你知道吗？没关系的。我认识一个会修车的人。”
“Chief Swan, please,” I said when the deputy answered. “It’s Bella.”
“请找斯旺警长，”当副警长接电话的时候我说道。“我是贝拉。”
He was quiet for a minute. “You never have before. Is there an emergency?”
他沉默了一阵子。“你以前从没打过呀。有急事吗？”
When Charlie spoke again, his voice was much happier. “That’s a great idea, Bells. Do you have a pen?”
当查理再开始说话时，他的声音听起来开心多了。“这是个好主意，贝拉。你有笔吗？”
“Oh, hey, Bella,” Deputy Steve said affably. “I’ll go get him.”
“哦，嗨，贝拉，”斯蒂芬副警长热情的说道。“我去叫他接电话。”
“Oh. That’s good.” He smiled in relief.
“哦，那太好了。”他放心的笑起来。
“What’s wrong, Bella?” Charlie demanded as soon as he picked up the phone.
“有什么事吗，贝拉？”查理一接电话就问道。
“Can’t I call you at work without there being an emergency?”
“难道我没什么急事就不能在你上班时给你打电话吗？”
I drove quickly and purposefully now, in a hurry to get home before there was the slightest chance of Charlie appearing, even in the highly unlikely event that he might knock off early. I dashed through the house to the phone, keys still in hand.
我把车开得很快，现在更有目的性了，我匆忙在查理出现的最小机会前赶回家，即使查理会提早回家是最不可能发生的事。我冲进房子跑到电话旁别，钥匙还拿在手上。
I waited.
我等待着。
While I drove, I worried a little bit about Billy’s reaction to seeing me. He would be too pleased. In Billy’s mind, no doubt, this had all worked out better than he had dared to hope. His pleasure and relief would only remind me of the one I couldn’t bear to be reminded of. Not again today, I pleaded silently. I was spent.
我开车的时候，有点担心比利看到我的反应。他也许会过于开心了。毫无疑问，在他看来所以的问题都解决了，这都是他当初不敢奢望的。他的快乐和宽慰只会让我想到他，那个我无法忍受再记起的人。我默默祈祷着今天不要再发生这样的事。我已经精疲力尽了。
So it was with a deadline that I drove too quickly through the storm-darkened streets out of town. I hoped I could get Jacob alone. Billy would probably tell on me if he knew what I was up to.
因为有时间限制所以我飞快的驾车穿过街道驶出镇子，街道因为暴风雨的来临而变得黑漆漆的。我希望能和雅各布单独在一起。如果比利知道我要去干嘛的话他也许会告我的状。
The directions he gave me were very simple. I assured him that I would be back for dinner, though he tried to tell me not to hurry. He wanted to join me in La Push, and I wasn’t having that.
他告诉我的方向很简单。我向他保证会回来吃晚饭，虽然他试着叫我不用急着回来。他想和我在拉普西回合，我没接受这个提议。
The Blacks’ house was vaguely familiar, a small wooden place with narrow windows, the dull red paint making it resemble a tiny barn. Jacob’s head peered out of the window before I could even get out of the truck. No doubt the familiar roar of the engine had tipped him off to my approach. Jacob had been very grateful when Charlie bought Billy’s truck for me, saving Jacob from having to drive it when he came of age. I liked my truck very much, but Jacob seemed to consider the speed restrictions a shortcoming.
我对布莱克家的房子大致上还比较熟悉，它是一个小小的木头房子上面装着窄窄的玻璃，它被漆成暗红色就像一个很小的谷仓。在我还没从卡车上下来之前，雅各布就把脑袋伸出窗户张望着。毫无疑问是这熟悉的引擎咆哮声告诉他我来了。当查理把比利的卡车买来送给我时，雅各布非常庆幸，这使他免于成年后还得开这辆车。我非常喜欢我的卡车，但是雅各布认为车速的限制是个很大的缺陷。
He met me halfway to the house.
他在半路上把我迎进屋。
Jacob had grown into some of his potential in the last eight months. He’d passed that point where the soft muscles of childhood hardened into the solid, lanky build of a teenager; the tendons and veins had become prominent under the red-brown skin of his arms, his hands. His face was still sweet like I remembered it, though it had hardened, too — the planes of his cheekbones sharper, his jaw squared off, all childish roundness gone.
在过去八个月，雅各布的成长潜能已经发挥出来。孩提时那柔软的肌肉开始变得结实起来，他已经超过了一个强壮、瘦长的青少年体型了，他胳膊和手上的肌腱和血管在他红褐色的皮肤下暴露出来。他的脸还是和我记得的一样可爱，虽然也同样变得结实了——他脸颊的轮廓变得更鲜明，他方方的下巴向外突出着，所有孩提时圆乎乎的感觉全消失了。
I smiled back, and something clicked silently into place, like two corresponding puzzle pieces. I’d forgotten how much I really liked Jacob Black.
我也冲着他笑了笑，好像什么东西悄声无息的卡合起来，就像两块吻合的拼图。我已经忘记了我其实有多喜欢雅各布·布莱克。
“Hey, Jacob!” I felt an unfamiliar surge of enthusiasm at his smile. I realized that I was pleased to see him. This knowledge surprised me.
“嗨，雅各布！”在他的笑容里我感觉到了久违的热情洋溢出来。我意识到我很开心见到他。意识到这一点让我很惊讶。
“Bella!” His excited grin stretched wide across his face, the bright teeth standing in vivid contrast to the deep russet color of his skin. I’d never seen his hair out of its usual ponytail before. It fell like black satin curtains on either side of his broad face.
“贝拉！”兴奋的笑容在他的脸上绽开，露出的雪白的牙齿和他深褐色的皮肤形成了鲜明的对比。我以前从未见过他的头发被弄成马尾辫以外的造型。它就像黑色的绸缎窗帘垂在他宽阔的脸庞上。
“What brings you out here? Everything okay with Charlie?”
“什么风把你吹来了？查理一切都好吗？”
“You grew again!” I accused in amazement.
“你又长高了！”我惊喜的指出。
“Hey, Dad,” he called as he ducked to get through the front door. “Look who stopped by.”
“嗨，爸爸，”他低头穿过前门时喊道。“看谁来啦。”
He led the way, twisting his hair in his big hands as he walked. He pulled a rubber band from his hip pocket and wound it around the bundle.
他在前门引路，一边走一边用他那双大手把头发缠绕起来。他从屁股口袋里抽出一根皮筋，并且把它束成一圈。
He stopped a few feet away from me, and I stared up at him in surprise, leaning my head back though the rain pelted my face.
他在离我几英尺的地方停了下来，我惊讶的盯着他，把头往回一缩，尽管雨水滴到我的脸上。
“Is it ever going to stop?” I shook my head in disbelief. “You’re huge.”
“它到底什么才会停下来？”我不可思议的摇摇头。“你真高啊。”
Billy was in the tiny square living room, a book in his hands. He set the book in his lap and wheeled himself forward when he saw me.
比利呆着一间小小的四方卧室里，手上拿着本书。当他看到我时他把书放在大腿上，摇着轮椅朝我这边过来。
“Well, what do you know! It’s good to see you, Bella.”
“哦，你准知道。见到你真开心，贝拉。”
We shook hands. Mine was lost in his wide grasp.
我们握了握手。他的大手一把抓住了我的手。
“Still a beanpole, though.” He grimaced. “Come inside! You’re getting all wet.”
“不过还是个竹竿子。”他做了个鬼脸。“进来吧！你全身都湿了。”
He laughed, his smile widening impossibly. “Six five,” he announced with self-satisfaction. His voice was deeper, but it had the husky tone I remembered.
他笑起来，他的笑容不可思议的开朗。“五六英寸吧，”他自豪的说道。他的嗓音变得更低沉，但是仍然带着我记忆中嘶哑的音调。
“Yes, absolutely. I just wanted to see Jacob — I haven’t seen him in forever.”
“是的，非常好。我只是来看看雅各布——我都快有一辈子没见过他了。”
Even better, I thought to myself. I waved at Billy. “See you later.”
这样更好，我暗自想着。我朝比利挥了挥手。“一会见。”
“I’ll call him now,” Billy suggested. “He’s always invited.”
“我现在就给他打电话，”比利建议到。“他一直都是受欢迎的。”
“No, I’ve got to feed Charlie, you know.”
“不了，你知道我还要给查理做饭呢。”
Jacob hesitated. “I was just heading out to work on my car, but we can do something else…”
雅各布踌躇着。“我正准备去修我的车，但是我们也可以做些其他的事……”
“No, that’s perfect!” I interrupted. “I’d love to see your car.”
“不用了，那很棒！”我打断他。“我很想去看看你的车。”
Billy chuckled in response. “Okay, maybe next time.”
比利笑着回答到。“好的，也许下一次吧。”
“Whatever. What were you doing before I interrupted?” I was strangely comfortable here. It was familiar, but only distantly. There were no painful reminders of the recent past.
“随便什么都行，在我来之前你正在做什么？”我在这感觉到异常的舒适。这里很熟悉，但是只有点疏远的感觉。这里没有东西能勾起我对刚刚逝去的过去的痛苦回忆。
“So, Bella, what do you want to do?” Jacob asked.
“那么，贝拉，你想做什么？”雅各布问道。
“Okay,” he said, not convinced. “It’s out back, in the garage.”
“好的，”他说，不太相信的样子。“就在屋后的车库里。”
“Can you stay for dinner?” Billy was eager, too.
“你能留下了吃晚饭吗？”比利也很热情。
I laughed to hide my discomfort. “It’s not like you’ll never see me again. I promise I’ll be back again soon — so much you’ll get sick of me.” After all, if Jacob could fix the bike, someone had to teach me how to ride it.
我笑着掩饰我的苦恼。“又不可能你永远不会再见到我。我发誓我很快就会再来——直到你都会厌烦我了。”毕竟，如果雅各布能修好摩托车的话，他还得教我怎么骑。
Jacob’s eyes brightened at my words. He was smiling so big it looked like it would hurt his cheeks.
雅各布听到我的话眼睛亮起来。他笑得那么开心，那笑容看起来好像会伤到他的脸似的。
A thick stand of trees and shrubbery concealed his garage from the house. The garage was no more than a couple of big preformed sheds that had been bolted together with their interior walls knocked out. Under this shelter, raised on cinder blocks, was what looked to me like a completed automobile. I recognized the symbol on the grille, at least.
车库被掩盖在屋后浓密的树木和灌木丛中。这个车库只是用几块预制板拴在一起做成的小棚子，内墙全部给敲掉了。在这个棚子下面，被一些空心砖垫起来的东西，在我看来就是那辆完整的汽车了。至少，我认出了护栏上的标志。
“It’s an old Rabbit — 1986, a classic.”
“这是老式兔牌——1986年，一个经典的车型。”
“How’s it going?”
“情况怎么样呢？”
“Ah,” I said.
“啊，”我说道。
“Jacob, what do you know about motorcycles?” I asked.
“雅各布，你对摩托车了解多少？”我问道。
He seemed to understand my reluctance to open the subject. I tried not to remember last May at the prom. Jacob had been bribed by his father with money and car parts to deliver a message there. Billy wanted me to stay a safe distance from the most important person in my life. It turned out that his concern was, in the end, unnecessary. I was all too safe now.
他看起来好像了解到我不乐意展开这个话题。我试着不要记起去年五月在舞会上的事。他父亲用钱和汽车零件贿赂雅各布，叫他送口信到那儿。比利希望我和我生命中最重要的人保持一定的距离。结果他的担忧，到最后，变成了不必要。我现象实在太安全了。
“What kind of Volkswagen is that?” I asked.
“这是什么型号的大众？”我问道。
But I was going to see what I could do to change that.
但是我要看看我能做什么来改变这个状况。
“Almost finished,” he said cheerfully. And then his voice dropped into a lower key. “My dad made good on his promise last spring.”
“几乎完成了，”他兴奋的说道。然后他的音调降下来。“去年春天我爸爸兑现了他的承诺。”
“Well…” I pursed my lips as I considered. I wasn’t sure if he could keep his mouth shut, but I didn’t have many other options. “I recently acquired a couple of bikes, and they’re not in the greatest condition. I wonder if you could get them running?”
“嗯……”当我思量的时候撅了下嘴。我不确信他是否会保守秘密，但是我没有其他的选择。“最近我得到了两辆摩托车，但是它们的状态不太好。我想你是否能让它们跑起来？”
He shrugged. “Some. My friend Embry has a dirt bike. We work on it together sometimes. Why?”
他耸耸肩。“懂一些。我的朋友恩布里有一辆越野车。我们有事会一起修理它。为什么这么问？”
“Cool.” He seemed truly pleased by the challenge. His face glowed. “I’ll give it a try.”
“真酷。”他看起来好像真的很高兴接受这个挑战。他的脸色容光焕发。“我要试一试。”
This offended him. “No. I want to help. You can’t pay me.”
这好像冒犯了他。“不。我想帮忙。你不用给我钱。”
I held up one finger in warning. “The thing is,” I explained, “Charlie doesn’t approve of motorcycles. Honestly, he’d probably bust a vein in his forehead if he knew about this. So you can’t tell Billy.”
我抬起一根手指提醒他。“问题是，”我解释到，“查理不赞成我骑摩托车。老实说，如果他知道这件事他可能会暴跳如雷的。所以你不能告诉比利。”
“I’ll pay you,” I continued.
“我会付你钱的，”我继续说道。
“Well… how about a trade, then?” I was making this up as I went, but it seemed reasonable enough. “I only need one bike — and I’ll need lessons, too. So how about this? I’ll give you the other bike, and then you can teach me.”
“好吧……那么我们进行一个交易吧？”我试着弥补，这看起来也足够合理。“我只需要一辆摩托车——并且我也需要人教我。所以这样如何？我把另一辆给你，然后你可以教我。”
“Sure, sure.” Jacob smiled. “I understand.”
“当然，当然。”雅各布笑起来。“我了解。”
“Swee-eet.” He made the word into two syllables.
“非常—好。”他把这个单词分成了两个音节。
“Don’t worry about it. I missed yours. What are you, forty?”
“不要担心那个啦，我也错过了你的。你多大了，四十？”
“Not that your age ever stopped you before,” I muttered. “Sorry about your birthday.”
“以前你的年龄也没阻止过你开车，”我咕噜到。“很抱歉错过了你的生日。”
“Wait a sec — are you legal yet? When’s your birthday?”
“等等——你到了法定年龄了吗？你的生日是什么时候？”
“Maybe when the bikes are finished — our present to ourselves,” I added.
“也许当这些车修好后——这就是我们给自己的礼物，”我补充到。
I bit my lip, embarrassed. “They’re in my truck now,” I admitted.
我咬了下嘴唇，有点不好意思。“它们现在在我的卡车上，”我承认到。
I needed to reign in the enthusiasm before I gave him the wrong idea — it was just that it had been a long time since I’d felt so light and buoyant. The rarity of the feeling made it more difficult to manage.
在我向他发出错误信号前我需要控制一下我的热情——只是我已经有很长时间没有感觉到如此的轻松和愉快了。正是因为这感觉的罕见让我更难控制它。
I sniffed. “Close.”
我吸了下鼻子，“差不多了。”
“Sounds like a date.”
“听起来像约会。”
His eyes sparkled at the word.
他的眼睛因为这个词而闪了一下光。
“You missed it,” he teased, narrowing his eyes in mock resentment. “I’m sixteen.”
“你已经错过了，”他取笑到，愚弄似的眯起他的眼睛。“我已经十六岁了。”
“Great.” He seemed to mean it.
“太好了，”他好像本意就是这样。
We eased around from the east, sticking to the trees when we were in view of the windows, affecting a casual-looking stroll, just in case. Jacob unloaded the bikes swiftly from the truck bed, wheeling them one by one into the shrubbery where I hid. It looked too easy for him — I’d remembered the bikes being much, much heavier than that.
我们沿着树木从东边慢慢移过去，当我们进入从窗户可以看到的视野范围内时，我们就假装成平常的漫步的样子，只是为了以防万一。雅各布迅速的把车从卡车上搬下来，把它们一个个滚到我躲着的灌木丛里。这看起来对他很轻松——我记得那些摩托车应该是比那更重的。
“Deal. When will you bring them down?”
“成交。你什么时候把它们送过来？”
“We’ll have a joint party to make up for it.”
“我们一起办个聚会弥补一下。”
“Will Billy see if we bring them around?”
“如果我们把它们弄过来比利会看到吗？”
He winked at me. “We’ll be sneaky.”
他朝我使眼色。“我们要偷偷的弄过来。”
“That one’s yours, then.”
“那么，那辆就是你的了。”
“Absolutely.”
“绝对确定。”
“Are you sure?”
“你确定？”
“These aren’t half bad,” Jacob appraised as we pushed them through the cover of the trees. “This one here will actually be worth something when I’m done — it’s an old Harley Sprint.”
“它们很不错，”当我们把它们推过树木覆盖的地方的时候他评价道。“修好这辆车后它实际上是很有价值的——它的一辆老式的哈雷。斯普林特。”
“These are going to take some cash, though,” he said, frowning down at the blackened metal. “We’ll have to save up for parts first.”
“但是它们要花些钱了，”他说道，皱着眉头低头看着这些变黑的金属。“我们首先要存钱来买零件了。”
“We nothing,” I disagreed. “If you’re doing this for free, I’ll pay for the parts.”
“不是我们，”我不同意的说道。“如果你免费修车的话，我来买零件。”
“I don’t know…” he muttered.
“我不知道……”他咕噜到。
As we skulked back to the makeshift garage, I contemplated my luck. Only a teenage boy would agree to this: deceiving both our parents while repairing dangerous vehicles using money meant for my college education. He didn’t see anything wrong with that picture. Jacob was a gift from the gods.
我们偷偷摸摸的回到那个勉强可以称为车库的地方，我思考着我的好运气。只有一个十几岁的男孩才会同意这么做：瞒着双方的父母用接受大学教育的钱修理这些危险的机车。他看不到这件事的不妥之处。雅各布是上帝赐予我的礼物。
“I’ve got some money saved. College fund, you know.” College, schmollege, I thought to myself. It wasn’t like I’d saved up enough to go anywhere special — and besides, I had no desire to leave Forks anyway. What difference would it make if I skimmed a little bit off the top?
“我已经存了一些钱。大学基金，你知道的。”大学，或者除大学外其他的选择，我自顾自的想着。我不可能攒够钱去任何特别的地方——并且除此之外，我也不想离开福克斯。即使我不是第一名又会有什么不同呢？
Jacob just nodded. This all made perfect sense to him.
雅各布只是点点头。这些在他看来是极合情合理的。
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