Jake pursed his lips, still hanging back from the door. His eyes flickered across the front of the house.
雅各嘟起嘴吧，还是没有上前，眼睛看着前院。
Hostility rolled off of him in waves. It brought back that awful afternoon when he’d chosen Sam over me, and I felt my chin jerk up defensively in response.
他的脸上露出一阵敌对的神色，令我想起了那个糟糕的下午，当时他选择了山姆，没有选择我。此刻，我觉得自己的下颌开始抽搐，进入了防御的状态。
I sprinted down the stairs and threw the door open.
我快步下楼，打开了门。
He hesitated. “You’re alone?”
他犹豫了一下，说：“只有你一个人在？”
Jacob’s Rabbit idled by the curb with Jared behind the wheel and Embry in the passenger seat. I understood what this meant: they were afraid to let him come here alone. It made me sad, and a little annoyed. The Cullens weren’t like that.
雅各布的“兔子”在路边移动，杰瑞德坐在驾驶座上，恩布里坐在乘客位上。我知道他们是不放心让雅各布单独过来，这让我有点儿难过，有些不高兴，卡伦家人就不会这样。
He was standing about six feet back from the door, his nose wrinkled in distaste, but his face otherwise smooth — masklike. He didn’t fool me; I could see the faint trembling of his hands.
他站在离门六英尺远的地方，远看上去，他皱着鼻子，但是脸上却很平滑——像戴着个假面具一样。不过这骗不了我，我看到他的双手在微微颤抖。
I ground my teeth. “She’s not here. Do you need something?”
我咬咬牙说：“她不在这儿，你有什么是吗？”
“Hey,” I finally said when he didn’t speak.
“嘿。”见他最终没有开口，我便招呼了一声。
It was Jacob, of course. Even blind, Alice wasn’t slow.
当然是雅各布，即便无法透视了，爱丽丝还是很聪明。
“Of course you can, Jacob. Come on in.”
“当然可以，雅各布，进来吧。”
“Yes.” I sighed.
“是的。”我叹了口气。
“Can I talk to you a minute?”
“我能和你聊一下吗？”
My teeth clenched together again. “Chicken” I mumbled under my breath.
我咬紧了牙齿。“胆小鬼。”我低声咕哝道。
Jacob glanced over his shoulder at his friends in the car. I saw Embry shake his head just a tiny bit. For some reason, this bugged me to no end.
雅各布回头看看坐在车上的朋友。我看到恩布里微微摇了摇头。不知为什么，这让我很生气。
I locked gazes with first Jared and then Embry — I didn’t like the hard way they eyed me; did they really think I would let anything hurt Jacob? — before I shut the door on them.
我的双眼和杰瑞德、恩布里两人的眼睛先后撞了个正着。我不喜欢他们看我时那种严肃的眼神，他们难道真觉得我会做什么伤害雅各布的事吗？这样对视之后，我就把门关上了。
Jake’s eyes flashed back to me, his thick, black brows pushing into a furious angle over his deep-set eyes. His jaw set, and he marched — there was no other way to describe the way he moved — up the sidewalk and shrugged past me into the house.
雅各回过头看着我，他浓黑的眉毛在深陷的双眼上方，非常突出，下颌固定不动，然后迈着步子向前进——这样描述他走路最合适了——走上人行道，他从我身边闪过，向屋里走去。
Jacob was in the hall behind me, staring at the mess of blankets in the living room.
雅各布在我身后的大厅，看着客厅乱糟糟的毯子。
“Yeah,” I answered with the same level of acid. I didn’t like Jacob when he acted this way.
“没错，”我也用同样的语气答道，我不喜欢雅各布这样说话。
He wrinkled his nose again like he smelled something unpleasant. “Where’s your ‘friend’?” I could hear the quotation marks in his tone.
他又皱起了鼻子，好像闻到了什么难闻的气味似的。“你的‘朋友’呢？”从他说话的语气中我就知道他这个“朋友”是加引号的。
“What’s it to you?”
“你觉得像什么？”
“Slumber party?” he asked, his tone sarcastic.
“开了卧谈会？”他语气中有些讥讽。
“She had some errands to run. Look, Jacob, what do you want?”
“他有些急事走了。说吧，雅各布，你想怎么样？”
“Hey,” I said, putting myself in his way. He stopped pacing and stared down at me. “What’s your problem?”
“嘿，”我堵在他面前，他停下来，盯着我，“你怎么啦？”
“I don’t like having to be here.”
“我不喜欢不得不到这儿来。”
That stung. I winced, and his eyes tightened.
这话让我很受伤，我不觉向后退缩，他的眼神变得更加严肃了。
“Okay. Get it over with then.” I was probably overdoing it with the antagonism, but I didn’t want him to see how much this hurt. I knew I wasn’t being fair. After all, I’d picked the bloodsucker over him last night. I’d hurt him first.
“好，那你问吧。”我的话可能充满了敌意，但是我不愿意他看出我内心有多受伤。我知道这样对他不公平。毕竟昨晚我先选了吸血鬼，其次选他，是我伤害他在先。
Something about the room seemed to make him edgier — his long arms were quivering. He didn’t answer my question. Instead he moved on to the kitchen, his restless eyes darting everywhere.
房间的某种气氛使他变得更急躁了，修长的双臂在颤抖。他没有回答我的问题，而是去了厨房，双眼四处巡视。
“I just have to ask you a couple of questions. It shouldn’t take long. We have to get back for the funeral.”
“我只想问你几个问题，不会很久的，我们还要回去参加葬礼。”
“Then I’m sorry you had to come,” I muttered. “Why don’t you tell me what you need so you can leave?”
“我很抱歉你不得不来，”我喃喃地说，“何不告诉我你要什么，然后就可以走了？”
I followed him. He paced back and forth along the short counter.
我跟在他后面，他在短短的吧台旁来回走动。
He took a deep breath, and his trembling fingers were suddenly still. His face smoothed into a serene mask.
他深吸了一口气，原本颤抖的手指静止了下来，脸上露出平静的神色。
“Okay,” I said in a small voice.
“知道了。”我轻声答道。
“Are the rest of them coming back now?” he asked in a cool, quiet voice. It reminded me of Sam’s always calm manner. Jacob was becoming more like Sam… I wondered why that bothered me so much.
“其他人现在会回来吗？”他冷冷地、平静地问。这令我想起山姆通常镇定的举止。雅各布越来越像山姆了我不明白这个为什么让我感到不安。
He kept his eyes on the glass as he answered. “Just one more thing.”
他眼睛仍然看着玻璃窗，答道。“还有最后一件事。”
“Is that all?”
“就这些么？”
I paled. “I told her about that.”
我的脸色变得苍白了，答道，“已经和她说了。”
“Well?” he asked. He struggled to conceal the tension behind his serene expression.
“怎样？”他问道，努力掩饰着他平静的表情下面的紧张。
He nodded. “You should know that we can only watch our own lands with a Cullen here. You’ll only be safe in La Push. I can’t protect you here anymore.”
他点了点头。“你应该知道，我们只能和卡伦在这里守护我们自己的领地。在拉普什你才是安全的。我再也不能保护你了。”
“Do you think you could… please… explain to her about the other one — Victoria?”
“你是不是可以……请你向她解释一下另一个——维多利亚？”
“Yes. Alice Cullen.”
“不错，爱丽丝·卡伦。”
“One of the Cullens is staying here with you,” he stated.
“和你在一起的是卡伦家族的某个人。”他说。
He looked away then, out the back windows. He didn’t continue.
他转过头向窗外看去，没有说话。
He nodded thoughtfully. “How long is she here for?”
他若有所思地点点头：“她在这儿待多久？”
Now I didn’t speak. He looked back at my face with probing eyes.
现在是我没有说话，他双眼期待地看着我。
“As long as she wants to be.” The belligerence was still there in my tone. “It’s an open invitation.”
“只要她愿意，随便多久，”我的语气中还带着敌意，“这是我对她的公开邀请。”
I waited, but he didn’t continue. “Yes?” I finally prompted.
我在等他往下说，但是他没有继续下去。“什么事？”我问道。
“No.” I said finally. Grudgingly. “They aren’t coming back.”
“不会，”我最后勉强地答道，“他们不会回来。”
His expression didn’t change. “Okay. That’s all.”
他的表情没有变化：“好了，就这些。”
That seemed to be it. Jacob walked swiftly from the kitchen. I waited to hear the front door open, but I heard nothing. I could hear the clock over the stove ticking, and I marveled again at how quiet he’d become.
好像就这样结束了，雅各布迅速从厨房走了出去。我没有动，等着听前门打开的声音，但是并没有听到，只听到炉子上时钟的声音，雅各布现在变得越来越安静了，真令我惊讶。
What a disaster. How could I have alienated him so completely in such a short amount of time?
真是太悲伤了，我怎么在这么短的时间就和他变得这样疏远了呢？
I glared at him, annoyance rekindled. “Well, run along now. Go tell Sam that the scary monsters aren’t coming to get you.”
我瞪着他，心里又生出许多怨恨：“好吧，那你快去吧，快去告诉山姆那些可恶的妖怪并没有来抓你。”
“Okay,” he repeated, still calm.
“好吧。”他答道，依然很镇定。
Would he forgive me when Alice was gone? What if he didn’t?
爱丽丝走后他会原谅我吗？要是他不能原谅我呢？
“Bella…” Jacob asked in a troubled voice.
“贝拉……”雅各布不安地问道。
I slumped against the counter and buried my face in my hands. How had I made such a mess of everything? But what could I have done differently? Even in hindsight, I couldn’t think of any better way, any perfect course of action.
我靠在柜台边，把脸深深地埋在双手中。我怎么把一切弄得这么糟呢？要是不这样我又能怎么做呢？即便事后来看，我也实在想不出有什么更好的办法，有什么更得体的方式。
I pulled my face out of my hands to see Jacob hesitating in the kitchen doorway; he hadn’t left when I’d thought. It was only when I saw the clear drops sparkling in my hands that I realized I was crying.
我抬起头，看到雅各布犹豫地站在厨房的门边，我以为他离开了，但是他并没有。看到自己手上晶莹的泪珠，我才知道自己哭了。
“Did what?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“什么错误？”我问道，声音有些断续。
Jacob’s calm expression was gone; his face was anxious and unsure. He walked quickly back to stand in front of me, ducking his head so that his eyes were closer to being on the same level with mine.
雅各布脸上镇定的神情消失了，他变得焦虑、不确定。很快他走到我面前，低下头，这样他的眼神可以离我近些。
“Did it again, didn’t I?”
“我又犯错误了，是吗？”
“Broke my promise. Sorry.”
“没有履行我的诺言。对不起。”
His face twisted. “I knew how you felt about them. It shouldn’t have taken me by surprise like that.”
他咧了咧嘴：“我知道你对他们的感觉，我本不该这么吃惊的。”
I could see the revulsion in his eyes. I wanted to explain to him what Alice was really like, to defend her against the judgments he’d made, but something warned me that now was not the time.
我能看出他眼神中的变化。我想告诉他爱丽丝是怎样的，希望改变他对爱丽丝的错误评价，但是我似乎感觉到现在不是时候。
So I just said, “Sorry,” again.
于是我又说了句：“对不起。”
“Let’s not worry about it, okay? She’s just visiting, right? She’ll leave, and things will go back to normal.”
“我们别为这个担心了，好吗？她只是来拜访你的，对吗？她迟早会离开的，一切会回到正常轨道的。”
He shook his head slowly. “No, I don’t think you can.”
他缓缓地摇摇头：“不能，我觉得不能。”
“‘S’okay,” I mumbled. “I started it this time.”
“没事儿，”我喃喃地说，“这次是我引起的。”
“Can’t I be friends with you both at the same time?” I asked, my voice not hiding an ounce of the hurt I felt.
“我就不能同时拥有你们两个朋友吗？”我问道，声音中透出一丝受伤的意味。
I sniffed and stared at his big feet. “But you’ll wait, right? You’ll still be my friend, even though I love Alice, too?”
我抽噎了一下，说：“但是你会等我，对吗？即便我喜欢爱丽丝，你还是我的朋友，对吗？”
“Yeah.” Then he sniffed my hair and said, “Ew.”
“就是。”说着，他闻了一下我的头发说，“哇！”
“Promise?”
“你发誓？”
“Promise.”
“我发誓。”
That wiped his smile away. “Huh. Maybe I don’t smell so good to her, either. Huh.”
这时他收起了笑容，说：“哈，说不定她也会觉得我身上有异味呢，哈。”
“Yeah, I’ll always be your friend,” he said gruffly. “No matter what you love.”
“不错，我永远是你的朋友，”他粗声说道，“无论你爱着什么。”
I didn’t look up, afraid to see what he’d think of that last part. It took him a minute to answer, so I was probably right not to look.
我没有抬头看他，不知他对我提到爱丽丝会有什么样的反应。过了一分钟，他才回答，我知道自己不看他是明智的举动。
“Really?” That was strange. Alice smelled unbelievably wonderful. To a human, anyway. “But why would Alice think I smelled, too, then?”
“真的？”这倒真是奇怪，爱丽丝身上的气味很好闻，至少一个人闻起来很不错的，“但是爱丽丝怎么也会觉得我身上有异味呢？”
“What?” I demanded. I looked up to see that his nose was wrinkled again. “Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I don’t smell!”
“什么！”我抬起头来，看看他的鼻子又为什么皱起来了，“为什么大家都这样对我，我身上没有什么异味。”
He smiled a little. “Yes, you do — you smell like them. Blech. Too sweet — sickly sweet. And… icy. It burns my nose.”
他微笑着说。“不对，你身上有味道——你闻上去像他们。黑鞋油，太甜了——甜得发腻，还有点儿冰冷。我的鼻子都要被冻僵了。”
I felt his arms wind around me, and I leaned against his chest, still sniffling. “This sucks.”
我感觉到他的手臂搂着我，我靠在他的胸膛，还在抽噎：“真是糟糕。”
“Well, you both smell fine to me.” I rested my head against him again. I was going to miss him terribly when he walked out my door. It was a nasty catch –22 — on the one hand, I wanted Alice to stay forever. I was going to die — metaphorically — when she left me. But how was I supposed to go without seeing Jake for any length of time? What a mess, I thought again.
“不过，你们两个人我都觉得很好闻啊。”我又把头靠在他的胸膛。他一离开这扇门，我一定会很想他的。这几乎像是场“第二十二条军规”的游戏——一方面我希望爱丽丝永远留在这里，她一走，我就会死去（当然是比喻），但是永远见不到雅各我又该怎么办呢？真是一团糟。
“I’ll miss you,” Jacob whispered, echoing my thoughts. “Every minute. I hope she leaves soon.”
“我会想你的，”雅各布小声说，一边附和着我的想法。每一分钟。我都希望她很快就离开。”
“It really doesn’t have to be that way, Jake.”
“真的没必要这样，杰克。”
“I do not like the way things are.”
“我不喜欢事情是这个样子的。”
I recoiled from him when he said that, but he only tightened his arms, refusing to let me escape. “There’s no point in avoiding the truth. That’s the way things are, Bells.”
听到这话，我不觉想挣脱他的手臂，不想他反而把我抱得更紧了，不让我逃开：“没有必要逃避现实，事实就是这样的，贝拉。”
He sighed. “Yes, it really does. Bella. You… love her. So I’d better not get anywhere near her. I’m not sure that I’m even-tempered enough to handle that. Sam would be mad if I broke the treaty, and” — his voice turned sarcastic –“you probably wouldn’t like it too much if I killed your friend.”
他叹了口气：“不，事实就是这样的，贝拉。你爱她，所以我最好不要靠近她。我不确定自己是否能心平气和地面对这些。要是我违反了协约，山姆会发疯的，”说到这里，他的语气变得有些讥讽，“要是我杀了你的朋友，你一定不会高兴的。”
Jacob freed one arm so that he could cup his big brown hand under my chin and make me look at him. “Yeah. It was easier when we were both human, wasn’t it?”
雅各布腾出了一只手来，托着我的下巴，让我看着他：“不错，当我们都是人类时，一切要容易得多，不是吗？”
I sighed.
我叹了口气。
We stared at each other for a long moment. His hand smoldered against my skin. In my face, I knew there was nothing but wistful sadness — I didn’t want to have to say goodbye now, no matter for how short a time. At first his face reflected mine, but then, as neither of us looked away, his expression changed.
我们长久地对视着，他的手使我的皮肤感到发烫。我知道自己的脸上只有郁闷——我不想现在就说再见，哪怕相聚很短暂。一开始，他的脸上和我一样充满悲伤，但是由于我们一直这样对视着，他脸上的表情开始改变了。
“Bella,” he whispered.
“贝拉。”他喃喃地叫道。
I was frozen.
我顿时僵住了。
No! I hadn’t made this decision yet. I didn’t know if I could do this, and now I was out of time to think. But I would have been a fool if I thought rejecting him now would have no consequences.
不！我还没有作出这样的决定。我不确定是否可以这样做，现在我已经没有时间思考了，但是我要是认为现在拒绝他不会有什么后果，那就太傻了。
He released me, lifting his other hand to brush his fingertips along my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw. I could feel his fingers tremble — not with anger this time. He pressed his palm against my cheek, so that my face was trapped between his burning hands.
他放开了我，另一只手的手指在我脸颊上滑过，直到我的下颌。我能感到他的手指在颤动——这次倒不是因为生气的缘故，他用发烫的双手抚摸着我的脸。
I stared back at him. He was not my Jacob, but he could be. His face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love him. He was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me.
我注视着他，他不是我的雅各布，但他也可能是我的雅各布。他的脸很熟悉，充满爱意。的确，从很多方面看，我都是爱他的。他给我带来安慰，是我安全的港湾。现在，我可以旋转拥有他。
Alice was back for the moment, but that changed nothing. True love was forever lost. The prince was never coming back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep. I was not a princess, after all. So what was the fairy-tale protocol for other kisses? The mundane kind that didn’t break any spells?
爱丽丝暂时不会回来了，但是这于事无补，真爱永远失去了。我的王子永远不会回来把我从施了魔法的睡梦中唤醒。毕竟我也不是公主，那么还有什么其他关于亲吻的神话故事呢？难道是世俗的亲吻，不能打破任何符咒？
Maybe it would be easy — like holding his hand or having his arms around me. Maybe it would feel nice. Maybe it wouldn’t feel like a betrayal. Besides, who was I betraying, anyway? Just myself.
也许这样会容易一点——就像握着他的手或者让他抱着我一样。也许会感觉不错，也许不会有什么背叛的负罪感。况且，我背叛了谁呢？只有我自己。
Keeping his eyes on mine, Jacob began to bend his face toward me. And I was still absolutely undecided.
雅各布一直注视着我，低下头来，而我还是完全没有决定。
“Swan residence,” Jacob said, his husky voice low and intense.
“斯旺寓所。”雅各布说，沙哑的声音低沉而坚定。
I recovered myself and held out my hand for the phone. Jacob ignored me.
我缓过神来，伸手去拿电话，雅各布没有管我。
The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, but it did not break his focus. He took his hand from under my chin and reached over me to grab the receiver, but still held my face securely with the hand against my cheek. His dark eyes did not free mine. I was too muddled to react, even to take advantage of the distraction.
这时刺耳的电话铃声让我们俩同时跳了起来，但是这并没有转移他的注意力。他从我的下颌看过去，从我背后去拿听筒，但是另一只手还是紧紧地抚着我的脸。黑色的眼睛依然注视着我的眼睛。我变得糊涂了，不知如何应对，甚至也没想到借助这个电话的干扰做点什么。
Someone answered, and Jacob altered in an instant. He straightened up, and his hand dropped from my face. His eyes went flat, his face blank, and I would have bet the measly remainder of my college f and that it was Alice.
有人说话了，雅各布立刻改变了。他放开了我的脸颊，双眼发直，面无表情，我甚至可以用我仅剩的大学基金来打赌，保准是爱丽丝。
Then Jacob hung up the phone. “Filthy bloodsucker,” he muttered under his breath. The face he turned back to me was the bitter mask again.
然后雅各布挂掉了电话。“可恶的吸血鬼。”他低声咕哝着。然后转过来看着我，脸上一副讨厌的神情。
“He’s not here,” Jacob said, and the words were menacing.
“他不在这儿。”雅各布说，声音中带有恐吓的味道。
There was some very short reply, a request for more information it seemed, because he added unwillingly, “He’s at the funeral.”
对方简短地说了点什么，似乎是要求更多的信息，因为他很不情愿地补充说：“他去参加葬礼了。”
“He? Who was it?!”
“他？他是谁？！”
“Why didn’t you let me talk to him?!”
“为什么不让我和他说话？！”
“You listen to me, Jacob Black –“
“你听我说，雅各布·布莱克——”
But he obviously wasn’t listening. He looked quickly over his shoulder, as if someone had called his name from the other room. His eyes went wide and his body stiff, then he started trembling. I listened too, automatically, but heard nothing.
但是显然他并没有在听。他很快回过头去，好像听到有人在另一个房间喊他的名字似的，双眼园瞪，身体变得僵硬，然后开始发抖。我也不觉停下来听，但是什么也没听到。
And then I ran into him, as he rocked back on his heels, cussing under his breath. He spun around again, knocking me sideways. I bobbled and fell to the floor, my legs tangled with his.
只是他一转身，我便撞上了他，他嘴里咒骂着什么，然后又转过身去，把我撞到一边，我踉跄了几步，跌倒在地上，我的脚绊倒了他的脚。
“Easy! He hung up on me!”
“放松点！是他挂了我的电话！”
“Who did you just hang up on?” I gasped, infuriated. “In my house, and on my phone?”
“你挂了谁的电话？”我非常生气，急促地问道，“这是在我的家里，我的电话吗？”
He sneered the title. “Dr. Carlisle Cullen.”
他讥讽地答道：“卡莱尔·卡伦博士。”
“Bye, Bells,” he spit out, and wheeled toward the front door.
“再见，贝拉。”他挤出这几个字，然后朝前门走去。
“He didn’t ask for you,” Jacob said coldly. His face was smooth, expressionless, but his hands shook. “He asked where Charlie was and I told him. I don’t think I broke any rules of etiquette.”
“他不是找你的，”雅各布冷淡地答道。他的脸上很光滑，毫无表情，但手在发抖，“他问查理在那儿，我就告诉他了。我觉得自己没做错什么。”
“Shoot, ow!” I protested as he hurriedly jerked his legs free one at a time.
“该死，诶哟！”在他很快把脚抽出来时我抗议地叫道。
I ran after him. “What is it?”
我追在他后面，问：“是什么？”
I struggled to pull myself up as he darted for the back door; he suddenly froze again.
他继续往门口走去，我则艰难地站了起来。突然，他又愣住不动了。
Alice stood motionless at the foot of the stairs.
爱丽丝一动不动地站在楼梯脚下。
My body reacted faster than my mind was able to catch up with the implications of her reply. I didn’t at first understand why the room was spinning or where the hollow roar in my ears was coming from. My mind labored, unable to make sense of Alice’s bleak face and how it could possibly relate to Edward, while my body was already swaying, seeking the relief of unconsciousness before the reality could hit me.
听到这话，我的身体比大脑反应更快。一开始我还不明白房子为什么在旋转，不知道爱丽丝凄凉的脸色怎么会和爱德华有关，而这时我的身体已经开始摇摆，大脑还来不及找到答案，我便已失去了知觉。
“Bella,” she choked.
“贝拉。”她语塞了。
I scrambled to my feet and lurched to her side. Her eyes were dazed and far away, her face drawn and whiter than bone. Her slim body trembled to an inner turmoil.
我匆忙站起来，蹒跚地走到她身边。她的双眼有些茫然，脸色比骨头的颜色还要白，纤细的身躯因为内心的波澜而颤抖。
The stairway tilted at the oddest angle.
楼梯倾斜了，而且倾斜的角度很奇怪。
“Alice, what’s wrong?” I cried. I put my hands on her face, trying to calm her. Her eyes focused on mine abruptly, wide with pain.
“爱丽丝，怎么啦？”我叫道，用手捂住她的脸，希望能使她平静下来。
Jacob’s furious voice was suddenly in my ear, hissing out a stream of profanities. I felt a vague disapproval. His new friends were clearly a bad influence.
雅各布生气的声音突然回想在我耳边，是一些很粗俗的咒骂。我模模糊糊感到有些反感，他的那些新朋友显然给他带来了坏影响。
“Edward,” was all she whispered.
“爱德华。”她只吐出了三个字。
“I don’t think I’ll have any problem keeping my focus,” he retorted, but his voice sounded a little cooler.
“我集中注意力没有什么困难。”他反诘道，但是声音更加冷静了。
I labored to pull myself up despite the dizziness. I realized it was Jacob’s arm I was gripping for balance. He was the one shaking, not the couch.
我忍着头痛，尽力坐起来。过了一会儿才意识到自己抓着的是雅各布的胳膊，在颤抖的不是沙发，而是雅各布的胳膊。
“Alice?” My voice was weak. “What happened?” I asked, even though I didn’t want to hear.
“爱丽丝？”我的声音很虚弱，“发生了什么事？”我问道，虽然事情可能是我不愿意听到的，但我忍不住要问。
“Stay back,” Jacob warned.
“别过来。”雅各布警告她。
Alice ignored him. “Bella? Bella, snap out of it. We have to hurry.”
爱丽丝没理他。“贝拉？贝拉，快醒醒，我们得赶快。”
“I don’t know,” she suddenly wailed. “What is he thinking?!”
“我不知道，”她突然痛哭道，“真不知道他在想什么？！”
I was on the couch without understanding how I got there, and Jacob was still swearing. It felt like there was an earthquake — the couch was shaking under me.
我发现自己躺在沙发上，却不知道是怎样躺倒这里的，雅各布还在耳边咒骂，感觉像是地震了——沙发有些晃动。
“What did you do to her?” he demanded.
“你对她做了些什么？”他责问道。
“Calm down, Jacob Black,” Alice ordered. “You don’t want to do that so close to her.”
“镇定点，雅各布·布莱克，”爱丽丝命令道，“你不想在她身边这样做。”
Alice was pulling a small silver phone from her bag when my eyes relocated her. Her fingers dialed the numbers so fast they were a blur.
爱丽丝从她的包里拿出个银色的电话来，迅速拨了个号码，她的手指动的很快，因而看不清她拨号的动作。
“Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle now.” Her voice whipped through the words. “Fine, as soon as he’s back. No, I’ll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edward?”
“罗斯，我现在要和卡莱尔说话。”她的声音很急促，“好的，等他一回来就告诉我。不对，我会在飞机上。对了，你有任何爱德华的消息吗？”
Alice paused now, listening with an expression that grew more appalled every second. Her mouth opened into a little O of horror, and the phone shook in her hand.
爱丽丝这时停了下来，仔细听电话那段的回答，每一秒钟，她的表情变得更加惊讶，双唇因惊骇而张开，形成一个“O”字形，手上的电话在颤抖。
Whatever the answer was, it made her jaw tighten in anger. Her eyes flashed and narrowed.
不知道对方做了什么回答，她的下颌因生气而绷紧着，双眼冒出怒火，眯了起来。
“Why?” she gasped. “Why would you do that, Rosalie?”
“为什么？”她气喘吁吁地问，“为什么你要这么做，罗莎莉？”
Her eyes were tortured as she turned to face me.
她转过头看着我，流露出痛苦的神情。
“Well, you’re wrong on both counts, though, Rosalie, so that would be a problem, don’t you think?” she asked acidly. “Yes, that’s right. She’s absolutely fine — I was wrong… It’s a long story… But you’re wrong about that part, too, that’s why I’m calling… Yes, that’s exactly what I saw.”
“这个，从两方面讲，你都做得不对，罗莎莉，这是个问题，你不觉得吗？”她生气地问道，“对，没错、她一点事儿也没有——是我错了……这个说来话长……但是关于那点你错了，所以我要打电话来没错，我看到的就是这个。”
Alice’s voice was very hard and her lips were pulled back from her teeth. “It’s a bit late for that, Rose. Save your remorse for someone who believes it.” Alice snapped the phone shut with a sharp twist of her fingers.
爱丽丝的语气很重，嘴唇从牙齿上缩了回去。罗斯，这有点晚了。“把你的悔恨留给相信它的人。”爱丽丝啪的一声，用手指的一个急转弯把电话关上了。
“Alice,” I blurted out quickly. I couldn’t let her speak yet. I needed a few more seconds before she spoke and her words destroyed what was left of my life. “Alice, Carlisle is back, though. He called just before…”
“爱丽丝，”我很快说道。我得抢在她前面说，而她接下来的话摧毁了我生命中紧剩的一切，“爱丽丝，卡莱尔回来了，他刚打过电话……”
Alice moaned and sank to her knees.
爱丽丝发出一声呻吟，突然跪在地上。
“Then he hung up on me,” Jacob spit back. A tremor rolled down his spine, shaking me with it.
“然后他就挂了我的电话。”雅各布应答道。他的脊椎骨一阵战栗，我也因此被震动了。
“What did he say?” She really focused now, waiting for my answer.
“他说什么了？”现在她开始集中注意力了，等待我的回答。
Alice turned her penetrating gaze on him. He flinched, but held his place next to me. He sit awkwardly, almost as if he were trying to shield me with his body.
爱丽丝严厉地瞪着雅各布。他退缩了，但还是站在我身边，他笨拙地坐下，好像是要用他的身体来挡住我似的。
“He asked for Charlie, and I told him Charlie wasn’t here,” Jacob muttered resentfully.
“他找查理，我告诉他查理不在。”雅各布愤慨地答道。
“He said, ‘He’s not here,’ and when Carlisle asked where Charlie was, Jacob said, ‘At the funeral.'”
“他说：‘他不在这儿，’然后卡莱尔问查理在哪儿，雅各布说，‘在葬礼上’。”
Alice jerked her head back toward me “What were his exact words?”
爱丽丝很快转过头看着我问：“他具体是怎么说的？”
“Are you calling me a liar?” Jacob snarled from beside me.
“你认为我说谎？”在我身边的雅各布叫道。
“You told him Charlie was at the funeral,” I reminded him.
“你告诉他查理在葬礼上。”我提醒他。
“Half a minute before you showed up.”
“就在你回来前半分钟。”
“Tell me Alice,” I whispered.
“告诉我爱丽丝。”我轻声说。
“That wasn’t Carlisle on the phone,” she said hopelessly.
“电话上的不是卡莱尔。”她无助地说。
“Is that everything?” Alice demanded, her voice like ice.
“就这些了？”爱丽丝用冰冷的声音问道。
“I didn’t talk to him.” My eyes flickered to Jacob.
“我没和他说话。”说着，我看了看雅各布。
She stared at me blankly. “How long ago?” she asked in a hollow voice.
她愣愣地看着我，空洞地问：“什么时候？”
“It was Edward.” The words were just a choked whisper. “He thinks you’re dead.”
“是爱德华，”爱丽丝低声说，“他以为你死了。”
Alice ignored him, focusing on my bewildered face.
爱丽丝没理他，专注地看着我困惑的脸。
My mind started to work again. These words weren’t the ones I’d been afraid of, and the relief cleared my head.
我的大脑又恢复运转了，爱丽丝的话并不是我最害怕听到的，我感到如释重负。
“Rosalie told him I killed myself, didn’t she?” I said, sighing as I relaxed.
“罗莎莉告诉他我自杀了，不是吗？”我一边说，一边如释重负地叹了口气。
Alice looked at me strangely. “You’re not upset,” she whispered.
爱丽丝奇怪地看着我，“你一点也不难过。”她喃喃地说。
“Yes,” Alice admitted, her eyes flashing hard again.
“没错。”爱丽丝答道，眼睛里又闪现出愤怒的神色。
“In her defense, she did believe it. They rely on my sight far too much for something that works so imperfectly. But for her to track him down to tell him this! Didn’t she realize… or care…” Her voice faded away in horror.
“从她的角度来看，她的确认为这就是事实。他们过于依赖我的视觉了，而我的视觉并不完美。但是她居然寻找到他，把这事告诉他了！难道她不知道……或者不在乎……”她的声音带有恐惧，渐渐地隐去。
“And when Edward called here, he thought Jacob meant my funeral,” I realized. It stung to know how close I’d been, just inches away from his voice. My nails dug into Jacob’s arm, but he didn’t flinch.
“爱德华打电话来的时候，他以为雅各布说的是我的葬礼。”我突然意识到了。想到刚才曾经离他那么近，和他的声音只有几英寸的距离，我感到一阵刺痛。我抓着雅各布的手臂，指甲深深陷进了手臂中，但是他没有丝毫退缩。
“Well, it’s really rotten timing, but it will all get straightened out. The next time he calls, someone will tell him… what… really…” I trailed off. Her gaze strangled the words in my throat.
“咳，他打电话来时时机的确不巧，但是一切都会弄明白的。下次他再打电话来，有人会告诉他……到底……什么……”说着说着我没了声音。她迷惑地看着我，期待我留在喉咙里的话。
“Bella,” Alice whispered. “Edward won’t call again. He believed her.”
“贝拉，”爱丽丝轻声说，“爱德华再也不会打电话来了，他相信她说的。”
“I. Don’t. Understand.” My mouth framed each word in silence. I couldn’t push the air out to actually say the words that would make her explain what that meant.
“我。不。明白。”我一字一顿地说，费力地挤出这句话，爱丽丝开始向我解释。
It took the length of one heartbeat for me to comprehend.
听到这儿，我的心跳漏了一拍。
Why was she so panicked? Why was her face twisting now with pity and horror? What was it she had said to Rosalie on the phone just now? Something about what she’d seen… and Rosalie’s remorse; Rosalie would never feel remorse for anything that happened to me. But if she’d hurt her family, hurt her brother…
他为什么这么惊恐呢？问什么她一脸的痛苦、疑惑和恐惧？她刚才在电话中为什么和罗莎莉那样说话？和她看到的有关……还有罗莎莉的自责；罗莎莉对于任何发生在我身上的事从未感到自责，但是如果她伤害了她的家人，伤害了她的哥哥……
When Edward’s voice came back to me now, it was not the perfect imitation of my delusions. It was just the weak, flat tone of my memories. But the words alone were enough to shred through my chest and leave it gaping open. Words from a time when I would have bet everything that I owned or could borrow on that fact that he loved me.
这时我的脑海又回荡着爱德华的声音，这声音并不是我的错觉，而是留在记忆中的平和的声音，但是这个声音足以穿透我的胸脯，在我的胸中留下一道裂口。这些话是他深爱着我的时候说的，他当时对我的爱我深信不疑。
“He’s going to Italy.”
“他要去意大利。”
Well, I wasn’t going to live without you, he’d said as we watched Romeo and Juliet die, here in this very room. But I wasn’t sure how to do it… I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help… so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi… You don’t irritate them. Not unless you want to die!
没有你我活不下去！记得他是在我们一起看罗密欧与朱丽叶死去时说这话的，恰恰就在这个房间，但我不知道该怎么个死法……我知道埃美特和贾斯帕一定不会帮我的……所以我想也许可以去意大利，犯点事，激怒沃尔图里……不能激怒他们，除非自己想找死！
“He made up his mind as soon as your friend confirmed that it was too late to save you.”
“当从你的朋友的电话中得知已无法挽救你了，他就下定了决心。”
“But he… he left! He didn’t want me anymore! What difference does it make now? He knew I would die sometime!”
“但是他……他离开了！他再也不想要我了！这样又有什么不同？他知道我早晚会死的！”
“How dare he!” I screamed. I was on my feet now, and Jacob rose uncertainly to put himself between Alice and me again.
“他怎么敢这样做？！”我叫道，跪在了地上，雅各布不确定地站在爱丽丝和我的中间。
“Oh, get out of the way, Jacob!” I elbowed my way around his trembling body with desperate impatience. “What do we do?” I begged Alice. There had to be something. “Can’t we call him? Can Carlisle?”
“哦，别挡在中间，雅各布！”我绝望中，不耐烦地用手肘挤开全身颤抖的雅各布，到爱丽丝跟前，“我们该怎么办？”我央求道，总该有个办法吧，“我们不能打电话给他？卡莱尔能打电话给他吗？”
“I don’t think he ever planned to outlive you by long,” Alice said quietly.
“我想他从来没想过要比你活得长。”爱丽丝很快答道。
She was shaking her head. “That was the first thing I tried. He left his phone in a trash can in Rio — someone answered it…” she whispered.
她摇着头，“我第一下就试了。他把电话留在瑞欧的一个垃圾箱里了——有人接了电话……”她轻声说。
“NO!” The half-shrieked denial was so loud after the whispered words, it made us all jump. I felt the blood rushing to my face as I realized what she’d seen. “No! No, no, no! He can’t! He can’t do that!”
“不！！”我几乎尖声叫道，和刚才的轻声喃语比起来，这声音非常大，我们大家都跳了起来，当我意识到她看到了些什么时，血液顿时冲上脸来：“不！不！！不！！！不！！！！他不能！他不能那样做！！”
“You said before we had to hurry. Hurry how? Let’s do it, whatever it is!”
“你刚才说我们要赶快。赶快做什么？我们快去做，无论什么我都做！”
“Bella, I — I don’t think I can ask you to…” She trailed off in indecision.
“贝拉，我——我觉得不能让你去……”她犹豫不决，没有说下去。
I stared at her with my jaw clenched in frustration. I’d heard nothing yet that would explain why we were still standing here.
我挫败地看着他，我还不知道现在我们为什么还要待在这里。
“But if they say no, and they might — Aro is fond of Carlisle, and wouldn’t want to offend him — Edward has a backup plan. They’re very protective of their city. If Edward does something to upset the peace, he thinks they’ll act to stop him. And he’s right. They will.”
“但是如果他们说不，他们也有可能说不的——阿罗很喜欢卡莱尔，不想得罪他——爱德华还有个备用计划，他们对城市的保护意识很强。如果爱德华做点什么破坏那里的平静，他想他们会采取行动阻止他，他想得没错，他们会的。”
“Ask me!” I commanded.
“让我去！”我命令道。
“Let’s go!”
“我们走吧！”
She put her hands on my shoulders, holding me in place, her fingers flexing sporadically to emphasize her words. “We may already be too late. I saw him going to the Volturi… and asking to die.” We both cringed, and my eyes were suddenly blind. I blinked feverishly at the tears. “It all depends on what they choose. I can’t see that till they make a decision.
她双手搭在我的肩膀上，手指偶尔抓紧我的肩膀，强调着她的话：“我们有可能已经太晚了。我看到他进了沃尔图里……请求被处死。”我们俩都瑟缩了，我的双眼突然什么也看不见了，只有眼泪，“现在一切都要看他们的选择，我必须等到他们作出决定时才能看见。”
“Listen, Bella! Whether we are in time or not, we will be in the heart of the Volturi city. I will be considered his accomplice if he is successful. You will be a human who not only knows too much, but also smells too good. There’s a very good chance that they will eliminate us all — though in your case it won’t be punishment so much as dinnertime.”
“听着，贝拉！无论我们是否来得及，我们都会到达沃尔图里城的中心。要是他的行动成功了，我会被视为他的同谋。而你属于人类，不但知道了太多，而且味道很好闻。很可能他们会把我们全都消灭掉对你来说惩罚就是作为他们的午餐。”
“So if they agree to grant his favor, we’re too late. If they say no, and he comes up with a plan to offend them quickly enough, we’re too late. If he gives into his more theatrical tendencies… we might have time.”
“所以如果他们同意他的请求的话，我们也太晚了。如果他们说不，然后他又很快采取备用方案的话，我们也太晚了。如果他会采用更夸张一点的举措我们可能还来得及。”
“Thanks,” I mumbled, pulling the cap off with my teeth. He silently handed me the pad of paper we wrote phone messages on. I tore off the top sheet and threw it over my shoulder.
“谢谢。”我喃喃地说，用牙齿卸下笔套。他又安静地递给我便签纸，上面还有我们记下的电话信息。我撕下第一页，扔在背后。
I glanced up at him, and he scowled at my panicked expression.
我抬头看着他，他板着脸看着我一脸惊慌的样子。
“Charlie,” I gasped.
“查理。”我吃力地问。
Not that my presence was protecting him, but could I leave him here alone to face…
倒不是说我在这儿能保护他，但我是否可以留下他独自面对……
“I’m not going to let anything happen to Charlie.” Jacob’s low voice was gruff and angry. “Screw the treaty.”
“我不会让查理发生任何事情的，”雅各布的声音粗暴而充满愤怒，“撕毁条约。”
“Hurry, Bella,” Alice interrupted urgently.
“快点，贝拉。”爱丽丝催促道。
“I’m only afraid of getting you killed.”
“我唯一怕的是你被杀害。”
“You write a note to Charlie. I’ll call the airlines.”
“你给查理留个便条，我打电话到航空公司。”
I snorted in disgust. “I almost get myself killed on a daily basis! Tell me what I need to do!”
我反感地说道：“我几乎每天都在想怎么让自己死去！还要你告诉我该怎么做！”
“This is what’s keeping us here?” I asked in disbelief. “I’ll go alone if you’re afraid.” I mentally tabulated what money was left in my account, and wondered if Alice would lend me the rest.
“我们还待在这儿就是为了这个？”我不相信地问道，“要是你害怕我一个人去。”我在脑海里算了算自己账户上剩下的钱，想着不知爱丽丝能否再借我一些。
I ran to the kitchen, yanking the drawers open and throwing the contents all over the floor as I searched for a pen. A smooth, brown hand held one out to me.
我冲向厨房，猛地拉开抽屉，把抽屉中的东西倒在地上，想找一支笔。这时，一只棕色皮肤的手递来一支笔。
I wasn’t about to waste time arguing with him. “Please, please, please take care of Charlie,” I said as I dashed back out to the front room. Alice was waiting in the doorway with a bag over her shoulder.
我不想费时间和他争论，于是说：“请你，一定一定好好照顾查理。”我一边说着，一边走向前门。爱丽地肩上背着个包，已经在门口等我了。
I nodded and then raced up the stairs, my knees weak with gratitude that my mother had wanted to marry Phil on a beach in Mexico. Of course, like all her plans, it had fallen through. But not before I’d made all the practical arrangements I could for her.
我点点头，冲到楼上，双膝发软，但是此刻我很感谢妈妈曾经一度想要在墨西哥的海滩上和菲尔结婚。当然，这个想法和她的其他计划一样成了泡影。不过在这事泡汤之前，我倒是给她办好了所有的手续。
“Don’t go,” Jacob whispered. The anger was all gone now that Alice was out of sight.
“别走。”雅各布轻声说。这时爱丽丝不在场，他的怒气也全消了。
I tore through my room. I stuffed my old wallet, a clean T-shirt, and sweatpants into my backpack, and then threw my toothbrush on top. I hurled myself back down the stairs. The sense of deja vu was nearly stifling by this point. At least, unlike the last time — when I’d run away from Forks to escape thirsty vampires rather than to find them — I wouldn’t have to say goodbye to Charlie in person.
我闯进自己房间，在旧钱包里塞满了钱，背包里装了件干净的T恤，一条长运动裤，一支牙刷，然后冲下楼去。这整个过程给我一种似曾相识的感觉，几乎有点儿令我窒息。不过，至少和上次不同——上次我是逃离福克斯，避免被饥饿的吸血鬼伤害，而不是去寻找吸血鬼——我不用亲口和查理说再见。
Dad, I wrote. I’m with Alice. Edward’s in trouble. You can ground me when I get back. I know it’s a bad time. So sorry. Love you so much. Bella.
爸爸，我写道，我和爱丽丝在一起。爱德华遇到困难了。我回来后你再教训我吧。我知道这是个困难时期。很抱歉，深爱着你。贝拉。
“Get your wallet — you’ll need ID. Please tell me you have a passport. I don’t have time to forge one.”
“带上钱包——你需要身份证明。请你告诉我你是有护照的，我可没时间伪造护照。”
“You think she’d be better off if I left her here alone, with Victoria stalking her?”
“你觉得要是我把她留在家里，让维多利亚威胁她会更好受吗？”
“We can handle the redhead.”
“那个红发鬼我们能对付。”
Jacob and Alice were locked in some kind of confrontation in front of the open door, standing so far apart you wouldn’t assume at first that they were having a conversation. Neither one seemed to notice my noisy reappearance.
雅各布和爱丽丝在前门互相对峙，他们彼此距离很远，几乎看不出他们在交谈，他们俩好像都没有注意到风风火火走下楼梯的我。
Jacob growled, and a shudder rippled through his torso.
雅各布发出一声怒吼，随之一阵颤抖。
“Yes. You’re right, dog.” Alice was snarling, too. “The Volturi are the very essence of our kind — they’re the reason your hair stands on end when you smell me. They are the substance of your nightmares, the dread behind your instincts. I’m not unaware of that.”
“没错，你说得对，小人，”爱丽丝也在大吼，“沃尔图里是我们中最厉害的——这解释了为什么每次你闻到我的味道时就会毛发倒立。这是你的噩梦，是你本能的恐惧，对这些我也稍有了解。”
“And you take her to them like a bottle of wine for a party!” he shouted.
“你把她带去，就像带了瓶酒去参加他们的派对一样。”他吼道。
“Then why is she still hunting?”
“那为什么她还在到处捕猎？”
“You might control yourself on occasion, but these leeches you’re taking her to –” Jacob was furiously accusing her.
“有时候你也许比较善于自我控制，但是你要带她去见的这些吸血鬼——”雅各布非常愤怒地指责她。
“Stop that!” I shouted at them both, wild with impatience. “Argue when we get back, let’s go!”
“别吵了！”我不耐烦地对他们俩大叫道，“等我们回来后再吵，我们走！”
Alice turned for the car, disappearing in her haste. I hurried after her, pausing automatically to turn and lock the door.
爱丽丝朝着她的车子快步走去，我紧随其后，又本能地停下来，锁上了门。
Jacob caught my arm with a shivering hand. “Please, Bella. I’m begging.”
雅各布用发抖的手抓着了我的胳膊：“请你，贝拉，我求你了。”
“Jake, I have to –“
“杰克，我不得不——”
His dark eyes were glistening with tears. A lump filled my throat.
他黑色的眼睛里噙着泪水，我的喉咙哽咽了。
The engine of Carlisle’s Mercedes purred; the rhythm of the thrumming spiked when Alice revved it impatiently.
卡莱尔的奔驰车已经发动了，由于爱丽丝很着急的发动着，车子发出刺耳的声音。
“You don’t, though. You really don’t. You could stay here with me. You could stay alive. For Charlie. For me.”
“不行，你不是非去不可的。你可以在这里和我在一起，你可以活下来，为查理，也为我。”
I shook my head, tears spattering from my eyes with the sharp motion. I pulled my arm free, and he didn’t fight me.
我摇摇头，感到一阵心痛，眼泪夺眶而出。我挣脱了雅各布的手，雅各布没有再作努力。
“Bye, Jake.” I pulled his hand from my hair, and kissed his palm. I couldn’t bear to look at his face. “Sorry,” I whispered.
“再见，杰克。”我拉开了他放在我头发上的手，吻了吻他的掌心，忍不住看看他的脸，“对不起。”我喃喃地说。
“Don’t die, Bella,” he choked out. “Don’t go. Don’t.”
“千万别死，贝拉，”他哽咽道，“别走，别”
Then I spun and raced for the car. The door on the passenger side was open and waiting. I threw my backpack over the headrest and slid in, slamming the door behind me.
说完我便向车子冲去。车子对着人行道一侧的门正开着等我进去。我把背包扔在车座枕头上，然后闪进车里，呯的一声关上了车门。
What if I never saw him again? The thought pushed me past the silent tears; a sob broke out from my chest. I threw my arms around his waist and hugged for one too-short moment, burying my tear-wet face against his chest. He put his big hand on the back of my hair, as if to hold me there.
要是我永远见不到他了呢？想到这里我再也忍不住了，发出了低声的呜咽，我抱着他的腰，紧紧地拥抱着，唯有觉得这一刻太短暂了。我流着泪的脸扎在他的胸口，他的大手摸着我的头发，好像这样可以把我拖住一样。
“Take care of Charlie!” I turned to shout out the window, but Jacob was nowhere in sight. As Alice stomped on the gas and — with the tires screeching like human screams — spun us around to face the road, I caught sight of a shred of white near the edge of the trees. A piece of a shoe.
“照顾好查理！”我回过头来朝着车窗叫道，但已不见了雅各布的身影。爱丽丝加大了油门——车胎发出像人嘶叫般的刮擦声——然后便调转身子，上了马路。我在树丛边缘瞟见了一丝白色和鞋子的一角。
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