But, in spite of all, in a moment Elsa will hear a voice in her head as clear as a bell. It won’t be whispering, it will be yelling. It will be yelling, “Run!” And Elsa will run for her life. With the shadow behind her.
但是,过不了多久,爱莎就将听见她脑海中的一个声音,清晰如铃声。不是低语,而是尖叫。它将尖叫道:“跑!”然后爱莎会为了活命而跑,身后跟着暗影。
Of course, she doesn’t know that when she goes into the church. The quiet murmuring of hundreds of strangers rises towards the ceiling, like the hissing of a broken car stereo. The legions of smartasss point at her and whisper. Their eyes are oppressive.
当然,她在进教堂的时候还不知道这些。数百个陌生人的轻声低语上升至天花板,就像坏掉的汽车音响发出的嘶嘶声。一群自以为是的混蛋指着她窃窃私语,他们的眼神沉重压抑。
There are storytellers in the Land-of-Almost-Awake who say we all have an inner voice, whispering to us what we must do, and all we must do is listen. Elsa has never really believed it, because she doesn’t like the thought of someone else having a voice inside her, and Granny always said that only psychologists and murderers have “inner voices.” Granny never liked proper psychology. Though she really did try with the woman in the black skirt.
不眠大陆的一些故事讲述者说,我们每个人都有“内在之声”,低语着告诉我们应该做什么,而我们所要做的就是倾听。爱莎从来没有真正相信过,她不喜欢“有别人在身体里说话”这种观点,而外婆则说只有心理学家和杀人犯会有“内在之声”。外婆一直不喜欢正宗的心理学家,即使她确实试着去喜欢黑裙女人。
She doesn’t know who they are and it makes her feel tricked. She doesn’t want to share Granny with others. She doesn’t want to be reminded of how Granny was her only friend, while Granny herself had hundreds of others.
她不知道他们是谁,这让她觉得自己被骗了。她不想和其他人分享外婆,更不愿被提醒,她只有外婆一个朋友,而外婆却另有几百个朋友。
She concentrates hard on walking straight-backed through the crush, doesn’t want them to see that she feels as if she’s going to collapse any moment and doesn’t even have the strength to be upset anymore. The church floor sucks at her feet, the coffin up there stings her eyes.
她集中注意力,挺直背脊走过拥挤的人群,不想让他们看出她可能随时会崩溃,甚至都没有力气去悲伤。教堂的地板吸着她的双脚,远处的棺材刺痛她的眼睛。
But it might also come from Miploris, realizes Elsa. Granny never wanted to ride to Miploris when they were in the Land-of-Almost-Awake, but sometimes she did it anyway because of Elsa’s nagging. And sometimes Elsa rode there on her own when Granny was at some inn in Miamas playing poker with a troll or arguing about wine with a snow-angel.
这句话可能来自密普洛瑞斯,爱莎意识到。在不眠大陆的时候,外婆从不愿去密普洛瑞斯,尽管会受不了爱莎的唠叨而前往。爱莎有时会自己一个人去,外婆则留在密阿玛斯的某间旅店里和巨魔玩扑克,或是和雪天使为了一杯酒吵架。
The mightiest power of death is not that it can make people die, but that it can make the people left behind want to stop living, she thinks, without remembering where she heard that. On second thought, she decides it probably comes from the Land-of-Almost-Awake, although this seems unlikely when one considers what Granny thought about death. Death was Granny’s nemesis. That’s why she never wanted to talk about it. And that was also why she became a surgeon, to cause death as much trouble as she could.
“死亡最强大的力量不在于它能让人死去,而在于让留下来的人不想再活着。”她不记得是从哪里听到这句话的了。可能来源于不眠大陆,但转念一想似乎又不大可能,尤其是考虑到外婆对死亡的态度。死亡是外婆的死敌。这就是为什么她从不愿提及,也是为什么她成为了一名外科医生,竭尽所能地让死亡感到苦恼。
People in the real world always say, when something terrible happens, that the sadness and loss and aching pain of the heart will “lessen as time passes,” but it isn’t true. Sorrow and loss are constant, but if we all had to go through our whole lives carrying them the whole time, we wouldn’t be able to stand it. The sadness would paralyze us. So in the end we just pack it into bags and find somewhere to leave it.
现实世界的人总说,在悲剧发生之后,悲伤、失落、心痛会“随着时间的流逝而减轻”,但这不是真的。悲伤和失落是永恒不变的,但如果一生都一直背负着它们,我们将无法承受。悲伤会让我们瘫痪。所以最后,我们只能拿袋子装起它们,扔到什么地方去。
Miploris is the most beautiful of all the kingdoms of the Land-of-Almost-Awake. The trees sing there, the grass massages the soles of your feet, and there’s always a smell of fresh-baked bread. The houses are so beautiful that, to be on the safe side, you have to be sitting down when you look at them. But no one lives there, they are only used for storage. For Miploris is where all fairy creatures bring their sorrow, and where all leftover sorrow is stored. For an eternity of all fairy tales.
密普洛瑞斯是不眠大陆所有王国中最美丽的。那里的树木会唱歌,青草按摩着你的脚底,空气中弥漫着一股新鲜出炉的面包香味。那里的房子太美丽,你最好坐下来观赏,以免看得入迷而发生危险。但里面无人居住,它们只用于储藏。所有童话生物都将他们的悲伤带去密普洛瑞斯,储藏在那里,直到“童话永恒”的终结。
That is what Miploris is: a kingdom where lone storytelling travelers come slowly wandering from all directions, dragging unwieldy luggage full of sorrow. A place where they can put it down and go back to life. And when the travelers turn back, they do so with lighter steps, because Miploris is constructed in such a way that irrespective of what direction you leave it, you always have the sun up ahead and the wind at your back.
那个地方就是密普洛瑞斯:讲故事的孤独旅行者慢慢从四面八方流浪而来,拖着装满悲伤的笨重行李。在这个地方,他们可以把行李放下,然后回归生活。当旅行者们转身时,他们的步伐会比来时轻快,因为在密普洛瑞斯,不论你朝哪个方向离开,总是迎着太阳,身后有微风吹拂。
Miploris used to be the smallest kingdom in the Land-of-Almost-Awake, but after the War-Without-End it became the biggest. That was why Granny didn’t like riding there, because so many of the storehouses had her name on signs outside. And in Miploris people talk of inner voices, Elsa remembers now. Miplorisians believe that the inner voices are those of the dead, coming back to help their loved ones.
密普洛瑞斯曾经是不眠大陆最小的王国,但在无尽战争之后,它变成了最大的。外婆不喜欢去那儿,因为太多储藏屋外的标签上有她的名字。爱莎想起来,在密普洛瑞斯,人们会谈论“内在之声”,他们相信“内在之声”是死去的人们回来帮助他们爱的人。
Elsa is pulled back into the real world by Dad’s gentle hand on her shoulder. She hears his voice whispering, “You’ve arranged everything very nicely, Ulrika,” to Mum. In the corner of her eye she sees how Mum smiles and nods at the programs lying on the church pews and then replies: “Thanks for doing the programs. Lovely font.”
爸爸温柔地将手搭上爱莎的肩膀,将她拉回现实世界。她听见爸爸小声对妈妈说:“你把一切都安排得非常好,乌尔莉卡。”她用余光看见,妈妈微笑点头,视线停留在教堂长椅上的一张流程表上,回答说:“谢谢你做的流程表。很美的字体。”
The Miplorisians gather up all the suitcases and sacks and bags of sorrow and carefully make a note of them in little pads. They scrupulously catalogue every kind of sadness and pining. Things are kept in very good order in Miploris; they have an extensive system of rules and impeccably clear areas of responsibility for all kinds of sorrows. “Bureaucratic bastards” was what Granny called the Miplorisians, because of all the forms that have to be filled out nowadays by whoever is dropping off some sorrow or other. But you can’t put up with disorder when it comes to sorrow, say the Miplorisians.
密普洛瑞斯人将所有装着悲伤的行李箱、帆布袋和包裹收集起来,小心翼翼地用便签做上记号。他们将每种悲伤和思念一丝不苟地分类。外婆称密普洛瑞斯人为“官僚主义混蛋”,因为如今要丢下悲伤或其他东西都得填上好多表格。但凡涉及悲伤,绝不能容忍无序,密普洛瑞斯人是这么说的。
Elsa sits at the far end of the wooden pew at the front of the chapel, staring down into the floor until the mumbling dies down. The church is so packed that people are standing all along the walls. Many of them have insanely weird clothes, as if they’ve been playing outfit roulette with someone who can’t read washing instruction tags.
爱莎坐在祈祷室前方一排木长椅的尽头,盯着地板,直到窃窃私语声消失。教堂非常拥挤,墙边都站着人。他们中很多人穿着奇怪的衣服,就好像他们刚和看不懂洗涤说明标签的人一起玩了局换装轮盘赌。
Elsa will put “outfit roulette” in the word jar, she thinks. She tries to focus on that thought. But she hears languages she can’t understand, and she hears her name being squeezed into strange pronunciations, and this takes her back to reality. She sees strangers pointing at her, with varying degrees of discretion. She understands that they all know who she is, and it makes her mad, so that when she glimpses a familiar face along one of the walls she has trouble placing him at first. Like when you see a celebrity in a café and instinctively burst out,”Oh, hi there!” before you realize that your brain has had time to tell you, “Hey, that’s probably someone you know, say hi!” but not, “No, wait, it’s just that guy from the TV!” Because your brain likes to make you look like an idiot.
爱莎想把“换装轮盘赌”放进生词罐。她试图专心想这个念头,但听见了自己不懂的语言,听见自己的名字被挤压成奇怪的发音。她又被带回现实。她看见陌生人以不同程度的谨慎指着她。看来他们都知道她是谁,这让她气疯了,所以当她瞄到一面墙旁边的一张熟悉的面孔时,她竟没能立刻认出他。就像在咖啡馆遇到了一个名人,在你反应过来之前,你的大脑已经告诉你:“嘿,那大概是你认识的某个人,去打个招呼!”于是你本能地开口:“嗨,你好呀!”但又想:“不,等等,他是电视里的那个人!”因为你的大脑喜欢让你看上去像个白痴。
His face disappears behind a shoulder for a few moments, but when he reappears he’s looking right at Elsa. It’s the accountant who came to speak about the leasehold conversion yesterday. But he’s dressed as a priest now. He winks at her.
那张脸在别人的肩膀后消失了片刻。重新出现时,他直勾勾地盯着爱莎。他是昨天跑来说租赁所有权的那个会计师,但现在他穿得像个牧师。他朝她使了个眼色。
And this is all fake. Plastic and makeup. As if everything’s going to be fine just because they’re having a funeral. Everything is not going to be fine for Elsa, she knows that. She breaks into a cold sweat. A couple of the strangers in the weird clothes come up to the microphone and talk. Some of them do so in other languages and have a little lady who translates into another microphone. But no one says “dead.” Everyone just says that Granny has “passed away” or that they’ve “lost her.” As if she’s a sock that’s been lost in the tumble-dryer. A few of them are crying, but she doesn’t think they have the right. Because she wasn’t their granny, and they have no right to make Elsa feel as if Granny had other countries and kingdoms to which she never brought Elsa.
这些都是假的。造型和化妆。仿佛一切都会好的,只因为他们办了个葬礼。对爱莎而言,一切不会好的,她知道。她突然冒出冷汗。几个穿着奇怪衣服的陌生人走到话筒前开始说话。他们中有些人说的是其他语言,有一个娇小的女士用另一支话筒翻译。但没有人提到“死”。所有人只说外婆“过世了”,或者他们“失去了她”,仿佛她是一只丢在烘干机里的袜子。一些人在哭,但爱莎觉得他们没有这个权利,因为那不是他们的外婆,而他们也没有权利让爱莎觉得,有些国家或王国外婆竟从未带爱莎去过。
Another priest starts talking about Granny, then about God, but Elsa doesn’t listen. She wonders if this is what Granny would have wanted. She’s not sure that Granny liked church so very much. Granny and Elsa hardly ever talked about God, because Granny associated God with death.
另一个牧师开始谈论外婆,然后谈到上帝,但爱莎没有听。她怀疑这是不是外婆想要的。她不确定外婆是不是喜欢教堂。外婆和爱莎很少谈起上帝,因为外婆把上帝与死亡联系在一起。
So when a fat lady who looks like she’s combed her hair with a toaster starts reading poems, Elsa thinks it’s just about enough and she pushes her way out between the pews. She hears Mum whispering something behind her, but she just shuffles along the shiny stone floor and squeezes out of the church doors before anyone has time to come after her.
所以当一个看起来像是用烤面包机梳头发的胖女人开始读诗时,爱莎受够了,她从座位间挤了出去。她听见妈妈在身后小声说了些什么,但她不顾一切穿过闪亮的石头地板,在任何人有时间来追她之前,挤出了教堂大门。
The winter air bites at Elsa; it feels like she’s being yanked out of a boiling hot bath by her hair. The cloud animals are hovering low and ominous. Elsa walks slowly and takes such deep breaths of the December air that her eyes start to black out. She thinks about Storm. Storm has always been one of Elsa’s favorite superheroes, because Storm’s superpower is that she can change the weather. Even Granny used to admit that as superpowers went, that one was pretty cool.
冬天的冷空气撕咬着爱莎,像是被人抓住头发从热腾腾的浴缸里拽了出来。云兽不祥地在低空盘旋。爱莎走得很慢,大口呼吸着十二月的空气,眼前开始发黑。她想到了暴风女。暴风女一直是爱莎最喜欢的超级英雄之一,因为她的超能力是改变天气。连外婆都承认,作为超能力,这个很酷。
Elsa hopes that Storm will come and blow away this whole bloody church. The whole bloody churchyard. Bloody everything.
爱莎希望暴风女能来吹走这座该死的教堂,这整片该死的墓地,该死的一切。
The faces from inside spiral around inside her head. Did she really see the accountant? Was Alf standing in there? She thinks so. She saw another face she recognized, the policewoman with the green eyes. She walks faster, away from the church because she doesn’t want any of them to come after her and ask if she’s okay. Because she’s not okay. None of this will ever be okay. She doesn’t want to listen to their mumbling or have to admit that they are talking about her. Over her. Around her. Granny never talked around her.
之前看到的那些面孔在她的脑海中盘旋。她真的看见会计师了吗?阿尔夫站在那儿吗?她觉得在。她看见了另一张认识的脸,绿眼睛的女警察。她加快脚步,远离教堂,不想让任何人追上她,询问她好不好。她不好。这一切永远都不会好的。爱莎不想听他们的窃窃私语,也不想承认他们是在谈论她、说服她、劝说她。外婆从不劝她。
Run.
跑。
She knows where the man between the headstones is before she has even turned around. He’s only a few yards away from her. Casually holding his cigarette between his fingertips. It’s too far from the church for anyone to hear Elsa scream, and with calm, cold movements he blocks her way back.
她在转身前就知道那男人站在墓碑之间,离她只有几米远,手指间随意地夹着一支烟。这里离教堂太远了,没有人能听见爱莎的尖叫,他像一道墙冷酷地挡住了她回去的路。
Elsa glances over her shoulder towards the gate at the road. Twenty yards away. When she looks back he’s taken a long stride towards her.
爱莎回头瞥了一眼大门。二十米远。当她再转回头时,他向她迈了一大步。
And her inner voice comes to her.
然后她的“内在之声”来找她了。
And the inner voice comes to Elsa. And it’s Granny’s voice. But it isn’t whispering. It’s yelling.
爱莎内心传来声音,是外婆的声音。但它不是耳语。它在尖叫。
She’s gone about fifty yards between the headstones when she picks up a smell of smoke. At first there’s something familiar about it, something almost liberating. Something that Elsa wants to turn and embrace and bury her nose in, like a freshly laundered pillowcase on a Sunday morning. But then there’s something else.
她离墓碑五十米远的时候,突然闻到了一丝烟味。一开始,这气味有些熟悉,几乎让她解脱。这气味里有些东西让爱莎想转身、拥抱、把鼻子埋进去,像星期天早上刚洗过的枕头套。但还有别的东西。
Elsa feels his rough hand grasping her arm, but she slips out of his grip. She runs until the wind scrapes her eyes like nails against a frosty windshield. She doesn’t know for how long. Eternities. And when the memory of his eyes and his cigarette crystallizes in her brain, when every breath punches into her lungs, she realizes that he was limping; that’s why she got away. Another second of hesitation and he would have grabbed her by her dress, but Elsa is too used to running. Too good at it. She runs until she’s no longer sure whether it’s the wind or her grief that is making her eyes run. Runs until she realizes she’s almost at her school.
爱莎感到他粗糙的手要抓她的胳膊,但她从他的手下溜走了。她拼命跑,风刮着她的眼睛,像钉子划在结冰的挡风玻璃上。她不知道跑了多久。“很多永恒”。对他眼睛和香烟的记忆在她的脑海中凝结,每一次呼吸都击打着她的肺,她意识到,他一瘸一拐的;她因此而逃脱。再犹豫一秒,他就能抓住她的裙子,但爱莎太习惯逃跑了,太擅长了。她一直跑,直到不确定是风还是她的悲伤让眼睛流下眼泪。一直跑,直到她意识到几乎快到学校了。
She stops, exhausted. Collapses on a bench. Hears the “little-girl” voice coming closer. She understands that it means her harm. The park seems to be creeping under a blanket. She hears another voice beside the first, slurring and stumbling over its words as if it’s put on its shoes the wrong way round. Both of the voices seem to be picking up speed as they come towards her. Realizing the danger, she’s on her feet and running in a fluid movement. They follow. It dawns on her with sudden despair that the winter gloom is making everything look the same in the park, and she doesn’t know the way out. Good God, she’s a seven-year-old girl who watches television a hell of a lot, how could she be so stupid? This is how people end up on the sides of milk cartons, or however they advertise missing children these days.
她停下脚步,精疲力竭地倒在长椅上。叫她“小女孩”的声音越来越近,她知道那声音不怀好意。公园仿佛在一条毯子下爬行。她听见另一个声音在第一个声音旁响起,含糊不清,结结巴巴,就好像它穿反了鞋。两个声音加快速度向她靠近。她意识到了危险,站起身,敏捷地跑了起来。他们跟在后面,这让她突然感到绝望,阴冷的冬天让公园中的一切看起来一模一样,她不知道出去的路。天啊,她是个看了那么多电视的七岁女孩,怎么会这么蠢?那些牛奶盒上或寻人启事上出现的儿童,大概就是这么失踪的吧。
She slows down. Looks round. Hesitates. Then she charges right into the black park on the other side of the street, with her dress tossing around her. Even the trees look like enemies in there. The sun seems too exhausted to go down. She hears scattered voices, the wind screaming through the branches, the rumbling of traffic farther and farther away. Out of breath and furious, she stumbles towards the interior of the park. Hears voices. Hears that some of them are calling out after her. “Hey! Little girl!” they call out.
她放慢脚步,回头看,犹豫了一下,然后径直冲进了街对面的黑暗公园,裙摆在身侧翻转。连树木看上去都像是敌人。阳光似乎太疲惫,所以才照不进来。她听到零星的声音,风呼啸着穿过树枝,车辆的隆隆声越来越远。她上气不接下气,蹒跚地往公园里走,接着听见了说话声,一些人在后边叫她:“嘿!小女孩!”
She never hears the snapping of branches in the bush. Never hears the ice being crushed under his feet. But in an instant the slurring voices behind her are gone. Her eardrums grate until she wants to scream. And then everything goes back to silence. Slowly she’s lifted off the ground. Closes her eyes. Doesn’t open them until she’s been carried out of the park.
她没有听见树丛里树枝折断的声音,没有听见他脚下的冰破碎的声音。但那一瞬间,身后含糊不清的声音消失了。她的耳膜刺痛,让她想要尖叫。然后一切都恢复了安静。她被慢慢地从地上抱起来,始终闭着眼睛,直到被带出公园也没有睁开。
But it’s too late. She runs between two dense black hedges that form a narrow corridor, and she feels her beating heart in her throat. She doesn’t know why she charged into the park — the junkies will get her, just as everyone at school said they would. Maybe that’s just it, she thinks. Maybe she wants someone to catch her and kill her.
但是已经太晚了。她跑过两丛茂密的黑色树篱形成的一条狭窄的走道,感觉心脏快要跳出喉咙了。她不知道为什么会冲进公园——瘾君子会抓住她,就像学校里每个人说的那样。也许这就是原因,她想。也许她希望有人抓住并杀了她。
Death’s greatest power is not that it can make people die, but that it can make people want to stop living.
死亡最强大的力量不在于它能让人死去,而在于让留下来的人不想再活着。
Wolfheart stares down at her. She stares back, lying in his arms. Her consciousness seems to float off. If it wasn’t for the realization, in some part of her inner self, that there aren’t enough paper bags in the whole world to breathe into if she dribbles on Wolfheart in her sleep, she would probably have gone to sleep there and then. So she struggles to stay awake and, after all, it would be a bit impolite to go to sleep now that he’s saved her. Again.
狼心盯着她。她躺在他的怀里,盯回去,意识似乎飘走了。如果不是因为她内心的某一部分还尚存理智,她大概当场就睡着了。如果她睡觉时在狼心身上流了口水,那估计呼吸机都不够帮助他喘气的了。所以她挣扎着保持清醒,现在睡着有点儿不礼貌,毕竟他救了她。又一次。
“Guard you. Your granny said… guard you.”
“守护你。你外祖母说的…守护你。”
Elsa looks around. Wolfheart rubs his hands together and shakes his head when he notices.
爱莎环顾四周。狼心搓着双手,注意到爱莎的动作时,他摇了摇头。
“I know,” she mumbles.
“我知道。”她喃喃自语。
“Never again!” he orders, and she can hear that he’s afraid.
“再也别!”他用命令的口气说,而她能听出他的担忧。
“I washed my hands really carefully, I had a mega-long shower this morning!” she whispers.
“我洗手很仔细的,今天早上我洗了个很长的澡。”她低声说。
Wolfheart doesn’t answer, but she can see in his eyes that he’ll be, like, bathing in alcogel when he gets home.
狼心没有回答,但从他的眼睛里看得出,他回家之后…大概会在消毒水里泡个澡。
“Gone now,” he says gently.
“他们走了。”他温柔地说。
She’s still not quite sure if she wanted to be saved, although she’s happy to see him. Happier than she expected to be, actually. She thought she’d be angrier at him.
她仍然不确定自己是否想获救,虽然她很高兴见到他。实际上比她预想的还要高兴。她以为自己会对他更生气的。
“Dangerous place,” growls Wolfheart towards the park, and starts putting her back down on the ground.
“危险的地方。”狼心冲着公园吼道,慢慢把她放回地上。
She puts her arms around his neck and whispers, “Thanks” in the secret language before he can straighten up his enormous body. Then she sees how uncomfortable it makes him and she lets go at once.
在他挺直巨大的身躯之前,她用双臂搂住他的脖子,用秘密语言低声说“谢谢”。随后她看出这让他多不自在,于是立刻放手。
Elsa nods.
爱莎点点头。
“How did you know I was here?”
“你怎么知道我在这里?”
Wolfheart’s gaze drops into the asphalt.
狼心盯着沥青地面。
“Not run alone. Never run alone,” growls Wolfheart.
“不要一个人跑。永远不要一个人跑。”狼心咆哮。
Wolfheart’s hood moves up and down. She feels that her legs are about to give way beneath her.
狼心的兜帽上下动了动。她觉得自己的双腿快站不住了。
“Psychologists want to talk. Always talk. About war. Always. I… don’t want to.”
“心理治疗师想聊天。总是聊天。聊战争。总这样。我…不想。”
Elsa nods.
爱莎点点头。
“Maybe you’d feel better if you talked?”
“也许聊一下,你会感觉好点儿?”
Who the hell could do that to a Gryffindor scarf?
“谁会忘记格兰芬多围巾啊?”
“Even if I don’t always know you’re close by?”
“即使我不知道你就在我身边?”
“Why did you disappear?” she whispers accusingly. “Why did you leave me with that terropist?” Wolfheart’s face disappears under his hood.
“你为什么不见了?”她低声责怪他,“为什么撇下我一个人和‘恐怖分子’待在一起?”狼心的脸消失在他的兜帽中。
Elsa wraps her arms around her body and realizes that she left both her jacket and her Gryffindor scarf in the church. It’s the only time she’s ever forgotten her Gryffindor scarf.
爱莎蜷缩着自己的身体,发现她的外套和格兰芬多围巾都留在了教堂里。这是唯一一次她忘记了她的格兰芬多围巾。
She also looks up and down the street, searching for she doesn’t know what. Then she feels something being swept over her shoulders, and when she turns she realizes that Wolfheart has put his coat around her. It drags along the ground by her feet. Smells of detergent. It’s the first time she’s seen Wolfheart without the upturned hood. Oddly enough, he looks even bigger without it. His long hair and black beard billow in the wind.
她也左右看了看街道,不知道想寻找什么。然后她感到有东西扫过她的肩膀,转过身发现狼心把他的外套披在了她身上,外套一直拖到她脚下的地面上。这是她第一次看见狼心没有戴着外套的兜帽。奇怪的是,没有兜帽,他居然看起来块头更大了。他的长发和黑胡子在风中飘扬。
Wolfheart rubs his hands together in silence. He watches the street as if waiting to catch sight of something.
狼心安静地搓着双手。他看着街道,似乎是在等着看见什么东西。
“What does ‘Miploris’ mean?” asks Elsa.
“‘密普洛瑞斯’是什么意思?”爱莎问。
“And Mirevas?”
“那密瑞瓦斯?”
Elsa lets the words touch down inside her before she asks about the last kingdom. She thinks about what Granny always said about Wolfheart, that he was the invincible warrior who defeated the shadows and that only he could have done it, because he had the heart of a warrior and the soul of a storyteller. Because he was born in Miamas, but he grew up in Mibatalos.
在她问最后一个王国之前,爱莎在心里深深思考了一下这些话。她想到外婆常常说起的狼心的故事,他是一个无敌的战士,打败了暗影。这件事只有他能做到,因为他有着战士的心和故事讲述者的灵魂。他出生在密阿玛斯,但在密巴塔洛斯长大。
“I mourn.”
“我哀。”
“And Miaudacas?”
“密奥达卡斯?”
When he doesn’t answer, she assumes it’s because he doesn’t understand the question, so she clarifies: “One of the six kingdoms in the Land-of-Almost-Awake is called Miploris. That’s where all the sorrow is stored. Granny never wanted t –“
他一开始没有回答,爱莎以为他不明白问题,所以又说明了一下:“不眠大陆六个王国之一就是‘密普洛瑞斯’。所有的悲伤都储存在那里。外婆从来不想——”
Wolfheart interrupts her, but gently.
狼心打断了她的话,但很温柔。
“And Mimovas?”
“密莫瓦斯?”
“What does Mibatalos mean?” she asks.
“密巴塔洛斯是什么意思?”她问。
“I dream.”
“我梦。”
“I dare.”
“我敢。”
He nods. Scans the street.
他点点头,扫视着街道。
Elsa nods.
爱莎点点头。
“Dance. I dance.”
“我舞,跳舞。”
“You said ‘Miamas’ means ‘I love’ in your mother’s language, right?” asks Elsa, and tries not to look directly at his scar, because she can see he rubs his hands even harder when she does.
“你说过,在你母亲的语言里,‘密阿玛斯’的意思是‘我爱’,对吧?”爱莎尽量不去直视他的伤疤,每当她看向那里,他的手就会搓得更用力。
And Elsa understands, the way you always understand such things when you see them in the eyes of those saying them, that he did not hide in the forests at the far reaches of the Land-of-Almost-Awake because he was afraid of the shadows, but because he was afraid of himself. Afraid of what they made him into in Mibatalos.
爱莎懂了,当你看着说话人的眼睛时,你就会懂的。他躲进不眠大陆遥远的森林里,并不是因为他害怕暗影,而是因为害怕他自己。害怕密巴塔洛斯将他变成的那个人。
“I know! The shadows destroyed it in the War-Without-End and all the Mibatalosians died except you, for you are the last of your people and –” Elsa starts saying, but Wolfheart rubs his hands together so hard that she stops herself.
“我知道!在无尽战争中,暗影摧毁了它。所有密巴塔洛斯人都死了,除了你,你是你们族的最后一个人——”狼心搓手搓得如此用力,让爱莎停下了话语。
“Mibatalos — I fight. Mibatalos… gone now. No Mibatalos anymore.”
“密巴塔洛斯。‘我战斗。’密巴塔洛斯…不见了。现在已经没有密巴塔洛斯了。”
“Mibatalos not exist. I don’t fight. Never more fight.”
“密巴塔洛斯不存在了。我不战斗。再也不战斗。”
He looks right at her when she asks that. With those big dark eyes wide open with everything that is kept in Miploris.
她问出这个问题时,他直直地看着她,睁着黑色的大眼睛,透露出所有那些被存放在密普洛瑞斯的东西。
Wolfheart’s hair falls into his face. He backs away a step.
狼心的头发落在他的脸上。他后退了一步。
His eyes flit past her and she hears Alf’s voice. When she spins around, Taxi is parked with its engine running by the edge of the pavement. Alf’s shoes shuffle through the snow. The policewoman stays by Taxi, her eyes making rapid hawklike sweeps over the park. When Alf picks up Elsa, still rolled up in Wolfheart’s sleeping bag-size coat, he says calmly: “Let’s get you home now, shall we, you can’t bloody stay here getting frozen!” But Elsa hears in his voice that he’s afraid, afraid as one can only be if one knows what was chasing Elsa in the churchyard, and she can tell by the watchful gaze in the policewoman’s green eyes that she also knows. They all know more than they are letting on.
他的目光越过她,而她听见了阿尔夫的声音。她转过身,出租车没有熄火,就停在路边。阿尔夫的鞋子踏过地上的雪。那个女警察在出租车旁,她的眼睛像鹰一样迅速扫过公园。阿尔夫抱起爱莎时,她还裹着狼心像睡袋一样大的外套。阿尔夫平静地说:“送你回家吧,好吗?你不能待在这里,会冻僵的!”但爱莎从他的声音里听出了担忧,这种担忧只有知道是谁在墓地里追爱莎的人才会有。她也能从女警察绿色眼睛中防备的凝视看出她也知道。他们都比他们表现出来的知道得更多。
Elsa thinks about the story of the Lionheart brothers. About the dragon, Katla, who could not be defeated by any human. And about the terrible constrictor snake, Karm, the only one that could destroy Katla in the end. Because sometimes in the tales, the only thing that can destroy a terrible dragon is something even more terrible than the dragon.
爱莎想起了《狮心兄弟》里的故事。恶龙卡特拉不会被任何人类打倒。还有那条恐怖的大蟒蛇卡尔玛,它是最后唯一能毁灭卡特拉的生物。有时在故事中,唯一能摧毁可怕巨龙的,是比龙更可怕的生物。
Elsa doesn’t look around as Alf carries her towards Taxi. She knows that Wolfheart has already gone. And when she throws herself into Mum’s arms back at the church, she also knows that Mum knows more than she’s letting on. And she’s always known more than she lets on.
阿尔夫抱着她走回出租车时,爱莎没有回头。她知道狼心已经走了。而当她在教堂扑进妈妈的怀抱时,她知道妈妈也比她表现出来的知道得更多。妈妈一向如此。
A monster.
一只“怪物”。
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