There were a lot of reasons why I went to Hazarajat to find Hassan in 1986. The biggest one, Allah forgive me, was that I was lonely. By then, most of my friends and relatives had either been killed or had escaped the country to Pakistan or Iran. I barely knew anyone in Kabul anymore, the city where I had lived my entire life. Everybody had fled. I would take a walk in the Karteh Parwan section — where the melon vendors used to hang out in the old days, you remember that spot? — and I wouldn’t recognize anyone there. No one to greet, no one to sit down with for chai, no one to share stories with, just Roussi soldiers patrolling the streets. So eventually, I stopped going out to the city. I would spend my days in your father’s house, up in the study, reading your mother’s old books, listening to the news, watching the communist propaganda on television. Then I would pray natnaz, cook something, eat, read some more, pray again, and go to bed. I would rise in the morning, pray, do it all over again.
1986年，有很多原因促使我到哈扎拉贾特寻找哈桑。最大的一个，安拉原谅我，是我很寂寞。当时，我多数朋友和亲人若不是死于非命，便是离乡背井，逃往巴基斯坦或者伊朗。在喀布尔，那个我生活了一辈子的城市，我再也没几个熟人了。大家都逃走了。我会到卡德帕湾区散步——你记得吗？过去那儿经常有叫卖甜瓜的小贩出没，看到的都是不认识的人。没有人可以打招呼，没有人可以坐下来喝杯茶，没有人可以说说话，只有俄国士兵在街头巡逻。所以到了最后，我不再在城里散步。我会整天在你父亲的房间里面，上楼到书房去，看看你妈妈那些旧书，听听新闻，看看电视上那些宣传。然后我会做午祷，煮点东西吃，再看看书，又是祷告，上床睡觉。早上我会醒来，祷告，再重复前一天的生活。
And with my arthritis, it was getting harder for me to maintain the house. My knees and back were always aching — I would get up in the morning and it would take me at least an hour to shake the stiffness from my joints, especially in the wintertime. I did not want to let your father’s house go to rot; we had all had many good times in that house, so many memories, Amir jan. It was not right — your father had designed that house himself; it had meant so much to him, and besides, I had promised him I would care for it when he and you left for Pakistan. Now it was just me and the house and… I did my best. I tried to water the trees every few days, cut the lawn, tend to the flowers, fix things that needed fixing, but, even then, I was not a young man anymore.
因为患了关节炎，照料房子对我来说越来越难。我的膝盖和后背总是发痛——早晨我起床之后，至少得花上个小时，才能让麻木的关节活络起来，特别是在冬天。我不希望你父亲的房子荒废，我们在这座房子有过很多美好的时光，有很多记忆，亲爱的阿米尔。你爸爸亲自设计了那座房子，它对他来说意义重大，除此之外，他和你前往巴基斯坦的时候，我亲口应承他，会把房子照料好。如今只有我和这座房子…我尽力了，我尽力每隔几天给树浇水，修剪草坪，照料花儿，钉牢那些需要固定的东西，但，就算在那个时候，我也已经不再是个年轻人了。
But, with the grace of God, I found him there. It took very little searching — all I had to do was ask a few questions in Bamiyan and people pointed me to his village. I do not even recall its name, or whether it even had one. But I remember it was a scorching summer day and I was driving up a rutted dirt road, nothing on either side but sunbaked bushes, gnarled, spiny tree trunks, and dried grass like pale straw. I passed a dead donkey rotting on the side of the road. And then I turned a corner and, right in the middle of that barren land, I saw a cluster of mud houses, beyond them nothing but broad sky and mountains like jagged teeth.
但是，感谢真主，我在那儿找到他。没费多大劲就找到了——我所做的，不过是在巴米扬问了几个问题，人们就指引我到他的村子去。我甚至记不起那个村子的名字了，也不知道它究竟有没有名字。但我记得那是个灼热的夏天，我开车驶在坑坑洼洼的泥土路上，路边除了被晒蔫的灌木、枝节盘错而且长着刺的树干、稻秆般的干草之外，什么也没有。我看见路旁有头死驴，身体开始发烂。然后我拐了个弯，看到几间破落的泥屋，在右边那片空地中间，它们后面什么也没有，只有广袤的天空和锯齿似的山脉。
But even so, I might have been able to manage. At least for a while longer. But when news of your father’s death reached me… for the first time, I felt a terrible loneliness in that house. An unbearable emptiness.
可是即使这样，我仍能勉力维持。至少可以再过一段时间吧。但当我听到你爸爸的死讯…在这座屋子里面，我第一次感到让人害怕的寂寞。还有无法忍受的空虚。
So one day, I fueled up the Buick and drove up to Hazarajat. I remembered that, after Ali dismissed himself from the house, your father told me he and Hassan had moved to a small village just outside Bamiyan. Ali had a cousin there as I recalled. I had no idea if Hassan would still be there, if anyone would even know of him or his whereabouts. After all, it had been ten years since Ali and Hassan had left your father’s house. Hassan would have been a grown man in 1986, twenty-two, twenty-three years old. If he was even alive, that is — the Shorawi, may they rot in hell for what they did to our watan, killed so many of our young men. I don’t have to tell you that.
于是有一天，我给别克车加油，驶向哈扎拉贾特。我记得阿里从你家离开之后，你爸爸告诉我，说他和哈桑搬到一座小村落，就在巴米扬城外。我想起阿里在那儿有个表亲。我不知道哈桑是否还在那儿，不知道是否有人认识，或者知道他在哪里。毕竟，阿里和哈桑离开你爸爸的家门已经十年了。1986年，哈桑已经是个成年人了，应该是22岁，或者23岁，如果他还活着的话，就是这样的——俄国佬，但愿他们因为在我们祖国所做的一切，在地狱里烂掉，他们杀害了我们很多年轻人。这些我不说你也知道。
The people in Bamiyan had told me I would find him easily — he lived in the only house in the village that had a walled garden. The mud wall, short and pocked with holes, enclosed the tiny house — which was really not much more than a glorified hut. Barefoot children were playing on the street, kicking a ragged tennis ball with a stick, and they stared when I pulled up and killed the engine. I knocked on the wooden door and stepped through into a yard that had very little in it save for a parched strawberry patch and a bare lemon tree. There was a tandoor in the corner in the shadow of an acacia tree and I saw a man squatting beside it. He was placing dough on a large wooden spatula and slapping it against the walls of the _tandoor_. He dropped the dough when he saw me. I had to make him stop kissing my hands.
在巴米扬，人们说我很会很容易就找到他——整个村庄，只有他住的屋子有垒着围墙的花园。那堵泥墙很短，有些墙洞点缀在上面，围住那间小屋——那真的比一间破茅舍好不不了多少。赤着脚的孩子在街道上玩耍，用棒子打一个破网球，我把车停在路边，熄了火，他们全都看着我。我推开那扇木门，走进一座院子，里头很小，一小块地种着干枯的草莓，还有株光秃秃的柠檬树。院子的角落种着合欢树，树阴下面摆着烤炉，我看见有个男人站在旁边。他正在把生面团涂到一把木头抹刀上，用它拍打着烤炉壁。他一看到我就放下生面团，捧起我的手亲个不停。
“Let me look at you,” I said. He stepped away. He was so tall now-I stood on my toes and still just came up to his chin. The Bamiyan sun had toughened his skin, and turned it several shades darker than I remembered, and he had lost a few of his front teeth. There were sparse strands of hair on his chin. Other than that, he had those same narrow green eyes, that scar on his upper lip, that round face, that affable smile. You would have recognized him, Amir jan. I am sure of it.
“让我看看你。”我说。他退后一步。他现在可高了——我踮起脚尖，仍只是刚刚有他下巴那么高。巴米扬的阳光使他的皮肤变得更坚韧了，比我印象中黑得多，他有几颗门牙不见了，下巴上长着几撮稀疏的毛。除此之外，他还是那双狭窄的绿眼睛，上唇的伤痕还在，还是那张圆圆的脸蛋，还是那副和蔼的笑容。你一定会认出他的，亲爱的阿米尔，我敢肯定。
“_Inshallah_, this winter,” Hassan said. “I am praying for a boy to carry on my father’s name.”
“奉安拉之名，这个冬天，”哈桑说，“我求真主保佑，生个儿子，给他取我父亲的名字。”
“Speaking of Ali, where is he?”
“说到阿里，他在哪儿？”
“When is the baby coming?” I said after we all settled around the adobe room. There was nothing in the room, just a frayed rug, a few dishes, a pair of mattresses, and a lantern.
“孩子什么时候出世？”参观完那间泥砖屋之后，我问。屋里一无所有，只有磨损的褥子，几个盘子，两张坐垫，一盏灯笼。
We went inside. There was a young light-skinned Hazara woman, sewing a shawl in a corner of the room. She was visibly expecting. “This is my wife, Rahim Khan,” Hassan said proudly. “Her name is Farzana jan.” She was a shy woman, so courteous she spoke in a voice barely higher than a whisper and she would not raise her pretty hazel eyes to meet my gaze. But the way she was looking at Hassan, he might as well have been sitting on the throne at the _Arg_.
我们走进屋里。里面有个年轻的哈扎拉女人，肤色较淡，在屋角缝披肩。她显然怀孕了。“这是我的妻子，拉辛汗。”哈桑骄傲地说，“她是亲爱的法莎娜。”她是个羞涩的妇人，很有礼貌，说话声音很轻，只比耳语大声一点，她淡褐色的美丽眼睛从来不和我的眼光接触。但她那样看着哈桑，好像他坐在皇宫内的宝座上。
Hassan dropped his gaze. He told me that Ali and his cousin — who had owned the house — had been killed by a land mine two years before, just outside of Bamiyan. A land mine. Is there a more Afghan way of dying, Amir jan? And for some crazy reason, I became absolutely certain that it had been Ali’s right leg — his twisted polio leg — that had finally betrayed him and stepped on that land mine. I was deeply saddened to hear Ali had died. Your father and I grew up together, as you know, and Ali had been with him as long as I could remember. I remember when we were all little, the year Ali got polio and almost died. Your father would walk around the house all day crying.
哈桑垂下眼光。他告诉我说，阿里和他的表亲——这个屋子是他的——两年前被地雷炸死了，就在巴米扬城外。一枚地雷。阿富汗人还有其他死法吗？亲爱的阿米尔。而且我荒唐地觉得，一定是阿里的右脚——他那患过小儿麻痹的废脚——背叛了他，踩在地雷上。听到阿里去世，我心里非常难过。你知道，你爸爸和我一起长大，从我懂事起，阿里就陪伴着他。我还记得那年我们都很小，阿里得了小儿麻痹症，差点死掉。你爸爸整天绕着屋子走来走去，哭个不停。
“Of course,” I said. “You have nothing to apologize for. I understand.” It was midway through tea after shorwa that Hassan asked about you. I told him you were in America, but that I did not know much more. Hassan had so many questions about you. Had you married? Did you have children? How tall were you? Did you still fly kites and go to the cinema? Were you happy? He said he had befriended an old Farsi teacher in Bamiyan who had taught him to read and write. If he wrote you a letter, would I pass it on to you? And did I think you would write back? I told him what I knew of you from the few phone conversations I had had with your father, but mostly I did not know how to answer him. Then he asked me about your father. When I told him, Hassan buried his face in his hands and broke into tears. He wept like a child for the rest of that night.
“当然，”我说，“你不用向我道歉，我知道。”喝完蔬菜汤又喝茶，喝到一半，哈桑问起你来。我告诉你在美国，但其他情况我也不清楚。哈桑问了很多跟你有关的问题。你结婚了吗？你有孩子吗？你多高？你还放风筝吗？还去电影院吗？你快乐吗？他说他跟巴米扬一个年老的法尔西语教师成了朋友，他教他读书写字。如果他给你写一封信，我会转交给你吗？还问我，你会不会回信？我告诉他，我跟你爸爸打过几次电话，从他口里得知你的情况，但我不知道该怎么回答他。接着他问起你爸爸。我告诉他时，他双手掩着脸，号啕大哭。那天晚上，他像小孩一样，抹了整夜的眼泪。
“And Bamiyan is so close. We know people there. Forgive me, Rahim Khan. I pray you understand.”
“而且离巴米扬很近，我们在那儿有熟人。原谅我，拉辛汗。我请求你的原谅。”
Farzana made us shorwa with beans, turnips, and potatoes. We washed our hands and dipped fresh _naan_ from the tandoor into the shorwa — it was the best meal I had had in months. It was then that I asked Hassan to move to Kabul with me. I told him about the house, how I could not care for it by myself anymore. I told him I would pay him well, that he and his _khanum_ would be comfortable. They looked to each other and did not say anything. Later, after we had washed our hands and Farzana had served us grapes, Hassan said the village was his home now; he and Farzana had made a life for themselves there.
法莎娜用豆子、芜青、土豆做了蔬菜汤，我们洗手，抓起从烤炉取下的新鲜馕饼，浸在汤里——那是我几个月来吃过的最好的一顿。就在那时，我求哈桑搬到喀布尔，跟我住一起。我把屋子的情况告诉他，跟他说我再也不能独力打理。我告诉他我会给他可观的报酬，让他和他的妻子过得舒服。他们彼此对望，什么也没说。饭后，我们洗过手，法莎娜端给我们葡萄。哈桑说这座村庄现在就是他的家，他和法莎娜在那儿自食其力。
In the morning, Hassan told me he and Farzana had decided to move to Kabul with me.
翌日早晨，哈桑跟我说，他和法莎娜决定搬到喀布尔，跟我一起住。
“We don’t have that much to drop, Rahim Khan,” Hassan said. His eyes were still red and puffy. “We’ll go with you. We’ll help you take care of the house.”
“我们没有什么可以放弃的，拉辛汗。”哈桑说，他的眼睛仍是又红又肿。“我们会跟你走，我们会帮你照料屋子。”
They piled their things in the center of a few worn rags and tied the corners together. We loaded the bundle into the Buick. Hassan stood in the threshold of the house and held the Koran as we all kissed it and passed under it. Then we left for Kabul. I remember as I was pulling away, Hassan turned to take a last look at their home. When we got to Kabul, I discovered that Hassan had no intention of moving into the house. “But all these rooms are empty, Hassan jan. No one is going to live in them,” I said. But he would not. He said it was a matter of ihtiram, a matter of respect. He and Farzana moved their things into the hut in the backyard, where he was born. I pleaded for them to move into one of the guest bedrooms upstairs, but Hassan would hear nothing of it. “What will Amir agha think?” he said to me. “What will he think when he comes back to Kabul after the war and finds that I have assumed his place in the house?” Then, in mourning for your father, Hassan wore black for the next forty days. I did not want them to, but the two of them did all the cooking, all the cleaning. Hassan tended to the flowers in the garden, soaked the roots, picked off yellowing leaves, and planted rosebushes. He painted the walls. In the house, he swept rooms no one had slept in for years, and cleaned bathrooms no one had bathed in. Like he was preparing the house for someone’s return. Do you remember the wall behind the row of corn your father had planted, Amir jan? What did you and Hassan call it, “the Wall of Ailing Corn”? A rocket destroyed a whole section of that wall in the middle of the night early that fall. Hassan rebuilt the wall with his own hands, brick by brick, until it stood’ whole again. I do not know what I would have done if he had not been there. Then late that fall, Farzana gave birth to a stillborn baby girl. Hassan kissed the baby’s lifeless face, and we buried her in the backyard, near the sweetbrier bushes. We covered the little mound with leaves from the poplar trees. I said a prayer for her. Farzana stayed in the hut all day and wailed — it is a heartbreaking sound, Amir jan, the wailing of a mother. I pray to Allah you never hear it.
他们把家当放在几块破布中间，绑好那些布角。我们把那个包袱放在别克车里。哈桑站在门槛，举起《可兰经》，我们都亲了亲它，从下面穿过。然后我们前往喀布尔。我记得我开车离开的时候，哈桑转过头，最后一次看了他们的家。到了喀布尔之后，我发现哈桑根本没有搬进屋子的意思。“可是所有这些房间都空着，亲爱的哈桑，没有人打算住进来。”我说。但他不听。他说那关乎尊重。他和法莎娜把家当搬进后院那间破屋子，那个他出生的地方。我求他们搬进楼顶的客房，但哈桑一点都没听进去。“阿米尔少爷会怎么想呢？”他对我说，“要是战争结束，有朝一日阿米尔少爷回来，发现我鸠占鹊巢，他会怎么想？”然后，为了悼念你的父亲，哈桑穿了四十天黑衣服。我并不想要他们那么做，但他们两个包办了所有做饭洗衣的事情。哈桑悉心照料花园里的花儿，松土，摘掉枯萎的叶子，种植蔷薇篱笆。他粉刷墙壁，把那些多年无人住过的房间抹干净，把多年无人用过的浴室清洗整洁。好像他在打理房间，等待某人归来。你记得你爸爸种植的那排玉米后面的那堵墙吗，亲爱的阿米尔？你和哈桑怎么称呼它？“病玉米之墙”？那年初秋某个深夜，一枚火箭把那墙统统炸塌了。哈桑亲手把它重新建好，垒起一块块砖头，直到它完整如初。要不是有他在那儿，我真不知道该怎么办。那年深秋，法莎娜生了个死产的女婴。哈桑亲吻那个婴儿毫无生气的脸，我们将她葬在后院，就在蔷薇花丛旁边，我们用白杨树叶盖住那个小坟堆。我替她祷告。法莎娜整天躲在小屋里面，凄厉地哭喊。母亲的哀嚎。我求安拉，保佑你永远不会听到。
“I should not have come here,” I said. “You were right, Hassan jan. You have a zendagi, a life here. It was presumptuous of me to just show up and ask you to drop everything. It is me who needs to be forgiven.”
“我不该到这里来，”我说，“你是对的，亲爱的哈桑，这儿有你的生活。我到这里来，要求你放弃一切，真是太冒失了。需要得到原谅的人是我。”
They insisted that I spend the night there. Farzana fixed a cot for me and left me a glass of well water in case I got thirsty. All night, I heard her whispering to Hassan, and heard him sobbing.
他们执意留我过夜。我在那儿住了一晚。法莎娜给我弄了个铺位，给我一杯井水，以便渴了可以喝。整个夜里，我听见她低声跟哈桑说话，听着他哭泣。
“Are you absolutely sure?”
“你真的想好了吗？”
He nodded and dropped his head. “Agha sahib was like my second father… God give him peace.”
他点点头，把头垂下。“老爷待我就像父亲一样…真主保佑他安息。”
In early 1990, Farzana became pregnant again. It was that same year, in the middle of the summer, that a woman covered in a sky blue burqa knocked on the front gates one morning. When I walked up to the gates, she was swaying on her feet, like she was too weak to even stand. I asked her what she wanted, but she would not answer.
1990年年初，法莎娜又怀孕了。也是在这一年，盛夏的时候，某天早晨，有个身披天蓝色长袍的女人敲响前门，她双脚发抖，似乎孱弱得连站都站不稳。我问她想要什么，她沉默不语。
“Who are you?” I said. But she just collapsed right there in the driveway. I yelled for Hassan and he helped me carry her into the house, to the living room. We lay her on the sofa and took off her burqa. Beneath it, we found a toothless woman with stringy graying hair and sores on her arms. She looked like she had not eaten for days. But the worst of it by far was her face. Someone had taken a knife to it and… Amir jan, the slashes cut this way and that way. One of the cuts went from cheekbone to hairline and it had not spared her left eye on the way. It was grotesque. I patted her brow with a wet cloth and she opened her eyes. “Where is Hassan?” she whispered.
“你是谁？”我说。但她一语不发，就在那儿瘫下，倒在车道上。我把哈桑喊出来，他帮我把她扶进屋子，走进客厅。我们让她躺在沙发上，除下她的长袍。长袍之下是个牙齿掉光的妇女，蓬乱的灰白头发，手臂上生着疮。她看上去似乎很多天没有吃东西了。但更糟糕的是她的脸。有人用刀在她脸上…亲爱的阿米尔，到处都是刀痕，有一道从颧骨到发际线，她的左眼也没有幸免。太丑怪了。我用一块湿布拍拍她的额头，她睁开眼。“哈桑在哪里？”她细声说。
Outside the walls of that house, there was a war raging. But the three of us, in your father’s house, we made our own little haven from it. My vision started going by the late 1980s, so I had Hassan read me your mother’s books. We would sit in the foyer, by the stove, and Hassan would read me from _Masnawi_ or _Khayyám_, as Farzana cooked in the kitchen. And every morning, Hassan placed a flower on the little mound by the sweetbrier bushes.
在那屋子的围墙之外，战争如火如荼。但我们三个，在你爸爸的房子里，我们自己营造了小小的天堂。自1980年代晚期开始，我的视力就衰退了，所以我让哈桑给我读你妈妈的书。我们会坐在门廊，坐在火炉边，法莎娜在厨房煮饭的时候，哈桑会给我念《玛斯纳维》或者《鲁拜集》。每天早晨，哈桑总会在蔷薇花丛那边小小的坟堆上摆一朵鲜花。
“I’m right here,” Hassan said. He took her hand and squeezed it.
“我在这里。”哈桑说，他拉起她的手，紧紧握住。她那只完好的眼打量着他。
Her good eye rolled to him. “I have walked long and far to see if you are as beautiful in the flesh as you are in my dreams. And you are. Even more.” She pulled his hand to her scarred face. “Smile for me. Please.”Hassan did and the old woman wept. “You smiled coming out of me, did anyone ever tell you? And I wouldn’t even hold you. Allah forgive me, I wouldn’t even hold you.”None of us had seen Sanaubar since she had eloped with a band of singers and dancers in 1964, just after she had given birth to Hassan. You never saw her, Amir, but in her youth, she was a vision. She had a dimpled smile and a walk that drove men crazy. No one who passed her on the street, be it a man or a woman, could look at her only once. And now…
“我走了很久很远，来看看你是否像我梦中见到那样英俊。你是的。甚至更好看。”她拉着他的手，贴近她伤痕累累的脸庞。“朝我笑一笑，求求你。”哈桑笑了，那个老妇人流出泪水。“你的笑是从我这里来的，有没有人告诉过你？而我甚至没有抱过你。愿安拉宽恕我，我甚至没有抱过你。”自从莎娜芭1964年刚生下哈桑不久就跟着一群艺人跑掉之后，我们再也没人见过她。你从来没见过她，阿米尔，但她年轻的时候，她是个美人。她微笑起来脸带酒窝，步履款款，令男人发狂。凡是在街上见到她的人，无论是男的还是女的，都会忍不住再看她一眼。而现在…
Hassan dropped her hand and bolted out of the house. I went after him, but he was too fast. I saw him running up the hill where you two used to play, his feet kicking up plumes of dust. I let him go. I sat with Sanaubar all day as the sky went from bright blue to purple. Hassan still had not come back when night fell and moonlight bathed the clouds. Sanaubar cried that coming back had been a mistake, maybe even a worse one than leaving. But I made her stay. Hassan would return, I knew. He came back the next morning, looking tired and weary, like he had not slept all night. He took Sanaubar’s hand in both of his and told her she could cry if she wanted to but she needn’t, she was home now, he said, home with her family. He touched the scars on her face, and ran his hand through her hair.
哈桑放下她的手，冲出房子。我跟着他后面，但他跑得太快了。我看见他跑上那座你们两个以前玩耍的山丘，他的脚步踢起阵阵尘土。我任他走开。我整天坐在莎娜芭身边，看着天空由澄蓝变成紫色。夜幕降临，月亮在云层中穿梭，哈桑仍没回来。莎娜芭哭着说回来是一个错误，也许比当年离家出走错得更加厉害。但我安抚她。哈桑会回来的，我知道。隔日早上他回来了，看上去疲累而憔悴，似乎彻夜未睡。他双手捧起莎娜芭的手，告诉她，如果她想哭就哭吧，但她不用哭，现在她在家里了，他说，在家里和家人在一起。他抚摸着她脸上的伤疤，把手伸进她的头发里面。
Hassan and Farzana nursed her back to health. They fed her and washed her clothes. I gave her one of the guest rooms upstairs. Sometimes, I would look out the window into the yard and watch Hassan and his mother kneeling together, picking tomatoes or trimming a rosebush, talking. They were catching up on all the lost years, I suppose. As far as I know, he never asked where she had been or why she had left and she never told. I guess some stories do not need telling. It was Sanaubar who delivered Hassan’s son that winter of 1990. It had not started snowing yet, but the winter winds were blowing through the yards, bending the flowerbeds and rustling the leaves. I remember Sanaubar came out of the hut holding her grandson, had him wrapped in a wool blanket. She stood beaming under a dull gray sky tears streaming down her cheeks, the needle-cold wind blowing her hair, and clutching that baby in her arms like she never wanted to let go. Not this time. She handed him to Hassan and he handed him to me and I sang the prayer of Ayat-ul-kursi in that little boy’s ear. They named him Sohrab, after Hassan’s favorite hero from the _Shahnamah_, as you know, Amir jan. He was a beautiful little boy, sweet as sugar, and had the same temperament as his father. You should have seen Sanaubar with that baby, Amir jan. He became the center of her existence. She sewed clothes for him, built him toys from scraps of wood, rags, and dried grass. When he caught a fever, she stayed up all night, and fasted for three days. She burned isfand for him on a skillet to cast out nazar, the evil eye. By the time Sohrab was two, he was calling her Sasa. The two of them were inseparable.
在哈桑和法莎娜照料下，她康复了。他们喂她吃饭，替她洗衣服。我让她住在楼上一间客房里面。有时我会从窗户望出去，看见哈桑和他母亲跪在院子里，摘番茄，或者修剪蔷薇篱笆，彼此交谈。他们在补偿所有失去的那些岁月，我猜想。就我所知，他从来没有问起她到哪里去了，或者为什么要离开，而她也没有说。我想有些事情不用说出来。1990年冬天，莎娜芭把哈桑的儿子接生出来。那时还没有下雪，但冬天的寒风呼啸着吹过院子，吹弯了苗圃里的花儿，吹落了树叶。我记得莎娜芭用一块羊毛毯抱着她的孙子，将他从小屋里面抱出来。她站在阴暗的灰色天空下，喜悦溢于言表，泪水从她脸上流下，刺人的寒风吹起她的头发，她死死抱着那个孩子，仿佛永远不肯放手。这次不会了。她把他交给哈桑，哈桑把他递给我，我在那个男婴耳边，轻轻唱起《可兰经》的经文。他们给他起名索拉博，那是《沙纳玛》里面哈桑最喜欢的英雄，你知道的，亲爱的阿米尔。他是个漂亮的小男孩，甜蜜得像糖一样，而性子跟他爸爸毫无二致。你应该看看莎娜芭带那个孩子，亲爱的阿米尔。他变成她生活的中心，她给他缝衣服，用木块、破布和稻秆给他做玩具。他要是发热，她会整晚睡不着，斋戒三天。她在锅里烧掉一本回历，说是驱走魔鬼的眼睛。索拉博两岁的时候，管她叫“莎莎”。他们两个形影不离。
She lived to see him turn four, and then, one morning, she just did not wake up. She looked calm, at peace, like she did not mind dying now. We buried her in the cemetery on the hill, the one by the pomegranate tree, and I said a prayer for her too. The loss was hard on Hassan — it always hurts more to have and lose than to not have in the first place. But it was even harder on little Sohrab. He kept walking around the house, looking for Sasa, but you know how children are, they forget so quickly. By then — that would have been 1995 — the Shorawi were defeated and long gone and Kabul belonged to Massoud, Rabbani, and the Mujahedin. The infighting between the factions was fierce and no one knew if they would live to see the end of the day. Our ears became accustomed to the whistle of falling shells, to the rumble of gunfire, our eyes familiar with the sight of men digging bodies out of piles of rubble. Kabul in those days, Amir jan, was as close as you could get to that proverbial hell on earth. Allah was kind to us, though. The Wazir Akbar Khan area was not attacked as much, so we did not have it as bad as some of the other neighborhoods.
她活到他四岁的时候，然后，某个早晨，她再也没有醒来。她神情安详平静，似乎死得无牵无挂。我们在山上的墓地埋了她，那座种着石榴树的墓地，我也替她祷告了。她的去世让哈桑很难过——得到了再失去，总是比从来就没有得到更伤人。但小索拉博甚至更加难过，他不停地在屋里走来走去，找他的“莎莎”，但你知道，小孩就是那样，他们很快就忘了。和人民圣战者组织手里。不同派系间的内战十分激烈，没有人知道自己是否能活到一天结束。我们的耳朵听惯了炮弹落下、机枪嗒嗒的声音，人们从废墟爬出来的景象也司空见惯。那些日子里的喀布尔，亲爱的阿米尔，你在地球上再也找不到比这更像地狱的地方了。瓦兹尔·阿克巴·汗区没有遭受太多的袭击，所以我们的处境不像其他城区一样糟糕。
In the wintertime, Hassan took his son kite running. There were not nearly as many kite tournaments as in the old days — no one felt safe outside for too long — but there were still a few scattered tournaments. Hassan would prop Sohrab on his shoulders and they would go trotting through the streets, running kites, climbing trees where kites had dropped. You remember, Amir Jan, what a good kite runner Hassan was? He was still just as good. At the end of winter, Hassan and Sohrab would hang the kites they had run all winter on the walls of the main hallway. They would put them up like paintings.
冬天，哈桑带他儿子追风筝。那儿再也没有过去那么多风筝大赛了——因为缺乏安全，没有人敢在外面待得太久——但零星有一些。哈桑会让索拉博坐在他的肩膀上，在街道上小跑，追风筝，爬上那些挂着风筝的树。你记得吗，亲爱的阿米尔，哈桑追风筝多么在行？他仍和过去一样棒。冬天结束的时候，哈桑和索拉博会把他们整个冬天追来的风筝挂在门廊的墙上，他们会像挂画像那样将它们摆好。
On those days when the rocket fire eased up a bit and the gunfighting was light, Hassan would take Sohrab to the zoo to see Marjan the lion, or to the cinema. Hassan taught him how to shoot the slingshot, and, later, by the time he was eight, Sohrab had become deadly with that thing: He could stand on the terrace and hit a pinecone propped on a pail halfway across the yard. Hassan taught him to read and write — his son was not going to grow up illiterate like he had. I grew very attached to that little boy — I had seen him take his first step, heard him utter his first word. I bought children’s books for Sohrab from the bookstore by Cinema Park — they have destroyed that too now — and Sohrab read them as quickly as I could get them to him. He reminded me of you, how you loved to read when you were little, Amir jan. Sometimes, I read to him at night, played riddles with him, taught him card tricks. I miss him terribly.
在那些炮火稍歇、枪声较疏的日子，哈桑会带索拉博去动物园看狮子“玛扬”，或者去看电影。哈桑教他射弹弓，而且，后来，到了他八岁的时候，弹弓在索拉博手里变成了一件致命的武器：他可以站在阳台上，射中院子中央水桶上摆放着的松果。哈桑教他读书识字——以免他的儿子长大之后跟他一样是个文盲。我和那个小男孩越来越亲近——我看着他学会走路，听着他牙牙学语。我从电影院公园那边的书店给索拉博买童书——现在它们也被炸毁了——索拉博总是很快看完。他让我想起你，你小时候多么喜欢读书，亲爱的阿米尔。有时，我在夜里讲故事给他听，和他猜谜语，教他玩扑克。我想他想得厉害。
I told you how we all celebrated in 1996 when the Taliban rolled in and put an end to the daily fighting. I remember coming home that night and finding Hassan in the kitchen, listening to the radio. He had a sober look in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong, and he just shook his head. “God help the Hazaras now, Rahim Khan sahib,” he said.
我告诉过你，1996年，当塔利班掌权，结束日复一日的战争之后，我们全都欢呼雀跃。我记得那晚回家，发现哈桑在厨房，听着收音机，神情严肃。我问他怎么了，他只是摇摇头：“现在求真主保佑哈扎拉人，拉辛汗老爷。”
A few weeks later, the Taliban banned kite fighting. And two years later, in 1998, they massacred the Hazaras in Mazar-i-Sharif.
几个星期后，塔利班禁止斗风筝。隔了两年，1998年，他们开始在马扎里沙里夫屠杀哈扎拉人。
“The war is over, Hassan,” I said. “There’s going to be peace, _Inshallah_, and happiness and calm. No more rockets, no more killing, no more funerals!” But he just turned off the radio and asked if he could get me anything before he went to bed.
“战争结束了，哈桑，”我说，“很快就会有和平，奉安拉之名，还有幸福和安宁。再没有火箭，再没有杀戮，再没有葬礼！”但他只是关掉收音机，问我在他睡觉之前还需要什么。
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