“Oh, I know that. But you will.”
“噢，我知道这事，不过你会买的。”
“So you’re — I mean we’re — having a graduation party. It’s no big thing. Nothing to freak out over. But I saw that you would freak out if I tried to make it a surprise party” — she danced out of the way as Edward reached over to muss her hair — “and Edward said I had to tell you. But it’s nothing. Promise.”
“那么你——我的意思是我们——要开毕业派对。没什么好害怕的，但是我看见你会吓一跳，如果我试图使其变成一个惊喜派对的话。”爱德华伸手揉她的头发时，她跳着跑开了，“而且爱德华说过我得告诉你，但是真的没什么，我向你保证。”
“Fine,” she grumbled. “Edward is making me do this. But I did foresee that you would be more difficult if I surprised you.”
“好吧，”她满腹牢骚地说，“是爱德华强迫我做这事的，但是我的确看见你会更执拗，要是我给你个惊喜的话。”
“That’s the spirit! By the way, I love my gift. You shouldn’t have.”
“那才是我要的精神！顺便说一下，我喜欢你送给我的礼物，你没必要特地买的。”
I sighed heavily. “Is there any point in arguing?”
我深深的叹气道：“狡辩有什么意义吗？”
Edward threw an elbow toward her ribs, which she neatly dodged.
爱德华用胳膊肘碰了碰她，她巧妙地就躲过了。
“Don’t be a baby about this. No tantrums.”
“别因为这事太孩子气，别发脾气。”
“None at all.”
“一点儿都没有。”
“I have foreseen…” Alice began in an ominous tone.
“我预见到……”爱丽丝说话的时候语气中带着不祥的征兆。
“Now I’m scared.”
“在我倒有些害怕了。”
“Okay, Alice. I’ll be there. And I’ll hate every minute of it. Promise.”
“好吧，爱丽丝，我会来的，而且我在那里无时无刻都会讨厌这样的。我向你保证。
“In English?” I requested.
“你说的是英语吗？”我问道。
I racked my brains in panic, trying to remember what I’d ever decided to get her for graduation that she might have seen.
我惊慌失措，搜肠刮肚试图想起来我曾决定给她买什么，她可能看见我决定买什么给也当毕业礼物了。
We were walking to the car after school, and I was completely clueless as to what she was talking about.
放学后我们朝车库走去，而我对她所说的完全是一头雾水。
“Alice, I didn’t!”
“爱丽丝，我没有买。”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes. It is Monday… the fourth.” She grabbed my elbow, spun me halfway around, and pointed toward a big yellow poster taped to the gym door. There, in sharp black letters, was the date of graduation. Exactly one week from today.
她眼睛骨碌碌转了转：“是的，是星期一……四号。”她抓住我的胳膊，半路让我转了个圈儿，指向张贴在体育馆门上的一张黄色大海报。就在那里醒目的黑体字显示是毕业日，离今天正好一个星期。
“Amazing,” Edward muttered. “How can someone so tiny be so annoying?”
“真是太令人叹为观止了，”爱德华低声说道，“怎会确这样的小人，让人如此烦恼呢？”
“It’s the fourth? Of June? Are you sure?”
“是四号吗？六月？你确定吗？”
“It can’t be! How did that happen?” I tried to count backwards in my head, but I couldn’t figure out where the days had gone.
“不可能！这怎么可能？”我试图在脑海中往回倒算，但是我弄不清楚日子一天天跑到哪里去了。
“Couldn’t you have waited a few weeks to tell me about this?” I asked petulantly. “Now I’ll just be stressed that much longer.”
“难道你就不能等几个星期再告诉我这件事？”我使性子地说道，“现在我只会一直感到惴惴不安，直到那一刻。”
I felt like someone had kicked my legs out from under me. The weeks of stress, of worry… somehow in the middle of all my obsessing over the time, my time had disappeared. My space for sorting through it all, for making plans, had vanished. I was out of time.
我感到就像什么人在我脚下朝我的腿踢了一脚。几个星期以来的紧张，但又……莫名其妙地在我对时间的困扰中，我的时间却消失不见了。我解决所有的问题，做好计划的空间都化为乌有了，我一点儿都不合拍。
“Bella,” she said slowly. “Do you know what day it is?”
“贝拉，”她慢条斯理地说，“你知道今天星期几吗？”
Neither one answered. Alice just shook her head sadly, feigning disappointment, and Edward’s eyebrows lifted.
他们都没有回答。爱丽丝只是悲伤地摇着头，装出一副失望的模样，而爱德华则扬起了眉毛。
“Monday?”
“星期一？”
Alice laughed. “It’s a talent.”
爱丽丝大笑着说：“这是天赋！”
Alice frowned at me.
爱丽丝对我皱了皱眉头。
I knew exactly what I wanted, but I was suddenly terrified of getting it.
我确切地知道我要什么，但是当它触手可及之时我又感到害怕。
In theory, I was anxious, even eager to trade mortality for immortality. After all, it was the key to staying with Edward forever. And then there was the fact that I was being hunted by known and unknown parties. I’d rather not sit around, helpless and delicious, waiting for one of them to catch up with me.
理论上，我急切地，甚至迫不及待地想要用必死的命运换取永生不灭。毕竟，这是永远与爱德华长相厮守的唯一途径，而且事实上我正遭遇到已知组织与未知组织的追捕。我宁愿不要袖手旁观，无能为力，脆弱不堪，等待着他们中的某个人来抓我。
I didn’t know how to do this. How to say goodbye to Charlie and Renee… to Jacob… to being human.
我不知道该怎么做这些事情：怎么和查理与蕾妮……还有雅各布……说再见，跟当人类说再见。
This simple knowledge, today’s date — which was so obvious that I must have been subconsciously repressing it — made the deadline I’d been impatiently counting down toward feel like a date with the firing squad.
这层简单的认知，今天的日期——是那么明显，我一定是有意识地抵制它的出现了——使我一直烦躁不安地倒计时的最后期限，感觉起来就像是与行刑队的约会一样。
And I wasn’t ready.
而且我还没准备好。
In a vague way, I was aware of Edward holding the car door for me, of Alice chattering from the backseat, of the rain hammering against the windshield. Edward seemed to realize I was only there in body; he didn’t try to pull me out of my abstraction. Or maybe he did, and I was past noticing.
朦朦胧胧地，我意识到爱德华正为我打开车门，意识到爱丽丝在后排座位上叽叽喳喳个不停，意识到雨水击打着挡风玻璃。爱德华似乎意识到我只是人在心不在；他没有想要把我从心不在焉中拉回来，或者他可能这么做了，但是我没注意到。
In theory, that all made sense.
理论上，这才有意义。
In practice… being human was all I knew. The future beyond that was a big, dark abyss that I couldn’t know until I leaped into it.
实际上……？当人类是我所知道的一切。在人类以外的未来是一个巨大而漆黑的深渊，直到我纵身跃下才能了解其中的奥妙。
What could I say to him? That I was a coward? I searched for words.
我能对他说什么呢？告诉他我是个胆小鬼？我一时语塞。
I frowned. “No. But thanks for reminding me.”
我皱着眉头说：“没关系，不过谢谢你提醒我。”
I tried to explain. “I’m not sure what to do… what to tell Charlie… what to say… how to…” My voice trailed off.
我想要解释：“我不确定该怎么做……该告诉查理什么……该说什么……该怎么……”我声若蚊蝇，声音慢慢地消失了。
I exhaled in a big gust. How long had I been holding my breath?
我长嘘一声，我屏住呼吸有多久了？
“The date took me off guard,” I whispered. “That’s all.”
“日期让我猝不及防，”我低声说道，“就是这样。”
I don’t know how long he let me stare out the window in silence. But the rain was disappearing into darkness when it was finally too much for him.
我不知道他让我这样默不作声地盯着窗外看了多久，但是雨慢慢地消失在夜色中，终于他再也受不了这样了。
“Would you please tell me what you are thinking? Before I go mad?”
“你想要告诉我你在想什么吗？在我发疯之前？”
He put his cold hands on either side of my face and fixed his golden eyes on mine.
他用冰冷的双手捧住我的脸，金色的眼眸注视着我。
“This isn’t about the party?”
“这不是跟派对有关吧？”
“Your lips are white. Talk, Bella.”
“你嘴唇苍白，说说话，贝拉。”
He waited, his face full of worry and skepticism.
他等待着，脸上布满担忧与怀疑。
We ended up at my house, where Edward led me to the sofa and pulled me down next to him. I stared out the window, into the liquid gray haze, and tried to find where my resolve had gone. Why was I panicking now? I’d known the deadline was coming. Why should it frighten me that it was here?
我们最后来到我家门口，爱德华领着我来到沙发跟前，让我坐在他身边。我盯着窗外，看着潮湿的灰色雾霭，想要找到我的决心跑到哪儿去了。为什么我此刻却惊慌失措了呢？我老早就知道最后期限就要来了，为什么现在到了这一刻却让我感到如此恐惧呢？
The rain was louder as he read my face.
他端详着我的脸时，外面的雨下得更大了。
“You’re not ready,” he whispered.
“你还没准备好。”他低声说。
“That doesn’t make any sense, Edward!”
“这没有意义，爱德华！”
“I am,” I lied immediately, a reflex reaction. I could tell he saw through it, so I took a deep breath, and told the truth. “I have to be.”
“我准备好了。”我立即撒谎道，这是条件反射，我敢说他看穿了我的谎言，所以我深深地吸了一口气，告诉他事实，“我不得不准备好。”
“You don’t have to be anything.”
“你没必要做什么。”
“I’ve already made my choice.”
“我已经作出选择了。”
He pressed his hands more tightly to my face and spoke with slow deliberation. “Bella. Not one of us had a choice. You’ve seen what it’s done… to Rosalie especially. We’ve all struggled, trying to reconcile ourselves with something we had no control over. I won’t let it be that way for you. You will have a choice.”
他手捧得更紧些了，然后小心斟酌着说道：“贝拉，并不是我们当中的任何人选择这样的。你已经明白这样会有什么样的后果……特别是对罗莎莉而言。想要使自己与我们根本无法控制的事情协调起来，我们都备受煎熬。我不会让你也这样的，你会有选择的。”
I could feel the panic surfacing in my eyes as I mouthed the reasons. “Victoria, Jane, Caius, whoever was in my room…”
我清楚地说出原因时，我能感觉到我眼里浮现出惊慌失措的神色：“维多利亚、简、盖由斯，不管是谁到过我的房间……”
“All the more reason to wait.”
“这就是为什么要等一等的原因。”
“You aren’t going through with this because a sword is hanging over your head. We will take care of the problems, and I will take care of you,” he vowed. “When we’re through it, and there is nothing forcing your hand, then you can decide to join me, if you still want to. But not because you’re afraid. You won’t be forced into this.”
“不要因为生命受到了威胁就作出这样的决定。我们会处理好这些问题的，我会保护你的，”他发誓说，“当我们度过这一切之后，就不会有任何因素左右你了，那么你就能决定是否加入我们，如果你还是这么想的话，但是不是因为你害怕，你不会在非自愿的情况下被迫做出选择。”
“It’s a great idea. Thank you.”
“这个主意不错，谢谢你。”
“Can I ask you something?” I said.
“我能问你个问题吗？”我说。
I laughed a shaky laugh. “Nothing but impending doom.”
我虚弱地笑了笑：“没什么，除了即将到来的厄运。”
“There.” He kissed my forehead. “Nothing to worry about.”
“那么，”他吻了吻我的额头，“没什么好担心的啦。”
“Trust me.”
“相信我。”
He snickered. “It looked like you were getting us both concert tickets –“
他窃笑道：“好像你要给我们俩买音乐会的票——”
“Not until you’re ready,” he said in a sure voice. “And definitely not while you feel threatened.”
“直到你准备好了，”他坚定地说道，“而且肯定不是在你感到受到威胁的时候。”
I hesitated, biting my lip, and then asked a different question than the one I was worried about. “What am I getting Alice for graduation?”
我犹豫了，咬着嘴唇，然后问了一个不同于我所担心的问题：“我要给爱丽丝买什么当毕业礼物？”
“It’s the thought that counts. I ought to know.”
“心意最重要，我应该了解的。”
“I do.”
“我相信。”
“That’s right!” I was so relieved, I almost smiled. “The concert in Tacoma. I saw an ad in the paper last week, and I thought it would be something you’d like, since you said it was a good CD.”
“那就对了！”我如释重负，几乎笑着说道，“塔科马的音乐会。上个星期我看见报纸上的广告，我想那会是你喜欢的东西，既然你说过那是张不错的CD。”
“Anything.”
“什么都可以问。”
He was still watching my face, waiting for me to relax.
他仍然注视着我的脸，在等我放松一下。
“Carlisle promised,” I mumbled, contrary out of habit. “After graduation.”
“卡莱尔答应过的，”我低声咕哝道，这完全不同于我的习惯，“毕业之后。”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t have it in me to argue; I couldn’t seem to find my commitment at the moment.
我没有回答，我心里没有答案跟他争辩；我此刻似乎找不到我的责任感了。
“I hope it’s not sold out.”
“我希望还没卖完。”
I nodded, my face still hidden.
我点点头，脸仍藏在那里。
He hesitated for a minute. “If I answer your question, will you then explain your question?”
他迟疑了片刻：“如果我回答你的问题，那么你会解释你的问题吗？”
“Would you tell me why? The whole truth, not sparing my feelings?”
“你会告诉我为什么吗？全部的真相，别管我的感受。”
“Worrying?” He picked out the word with surprise.
“担心？”他惊讶地指出这个词语。
“There’s something else you meant to ask,” he said.
“你本来是想问别的。”他说。
“Well… I was worrying about… why you feel that way.”
“好吧……我担心……为什么你那样觉得。”
He took a deep breath before he answered. “You could do so much better, Bella. I know that you believe I have a soul, but I’m not entirely convinced on that point, and to risk yours…” He shook his head slowly. “For me to allow this — to let you become what I am just so that I’ll never have to lose you — is the most selfish act I can imagine. I want it more than anything, for myself. But for you, I want so much more. Giving in — it feels criminal. It’s the most selfish thing I’ll ever do, even if I live forever.
他回答之前深深地吸了一口气：“你可以做得比现在好得多的，贝拉。我知道你相信我有灵魂，但是我自己都还没有完全信服这一点，让你冒着丧失自己灵魂的危险……”他慢慢地摇着头说，“对我而言，允许你这样——让你变成我这样只是为了让我不会失去你——是我所能想象的最自私的行为。对我自己而言，我最渴望的就是这样，别无他求；但是对你而言，我还想要的更多。屈服——感觉就像是种犯罪。这是我会做的最自私的事情，即使我会永远活下去。”
“I have lots of practice reading your face. Ask me.”
“我可受过不少训练来读懂你的表情，问吧。”
“No, I don’t,” he said softly, and then he waited for more. “That’s not a question,” he prompted after a moment.
“是的，我不想，”他温柔地说道，接着等我继续说下去，“这不是个问题。”过了一会儿他提醒我说道。
I closed my eyes and leaned into him, hiding my face against his chest. “You don’t want me to be a vampire.”
我闭上眼睛，靠在他身上，把脸埋在他的胸口：“你不想我成为吸血鬼？”
I sighed.
我叹了叹气。
I frowned. “You’re good.”
我皱着眉头说：“你真不赖。”
Edward thought he was being selfish.
爱德华认为他这样做很自私。
“If there were any way for me to become human for you — no matter what the price was, I would pay it.”
“如果有什么办法让我为你变成人类——无论代价是什么，我都愿意付出的。”
I felt the smile slowly spread across my face.
我感到微笑徐徐地在我脸上绽放开来。
He exhaled sharply. “You were worried I wouldn’t like you?” he demanded. Then, before I could answer, he was laughing. “Bella, for a fairly intuitive person, you can be so obtuse!”
他大声地呼气追问道：“你担心我会不喜欢你？”接着，我还没来得及回答他就大笑起来，“贝拉，对于一个完全凭直觉行事的人而言，你是那么迟钝！”
“I don’t think you realize how much easier it will be for me, Bella,” he said, the echo of his humor still there in his voice, “when I don’t have to concentrate all the time on not killing you. Certainly, there are things I’ll miss. This for one…”
“我认为你没意识到这样对我而言会容易多少，贝拉，”他说，声音中仍然回荡着幽默的语气，“当我不再时时刻刻关注不要杀死你的时候。诚然，我也会错过一些东西，这是为了一个……”
I sat very still, absorbing this.
我一动不动地坐在那里，专心领会着他的这番肺腑之言。
“So… it’s not that you’re afraid you won’t… like me as much when I’m different — when I’m not soft and warm and I don’t smell the same? You really do want to keep me, no matter how I turn out?”
“那么……并不是因为你担心你不会……那么喜欢我，当我不再与现在一样时——当我不再柔软、温暖，不再有同样的气味？不管我变成什么样子，你真的还愿与我长相厮守吗？”
He stared into my eyes as he stroked my cheek, and I felt the blood rush up to color my skin. He laughed gently.
他轻轻抚摸我的脸的时候凝视着我的双眼，我感到血涌到了我的脸颊上，他平静地大笑起来。
I knew he would think it silly, but I was relieved. If he really wanted me, I could get through the rest… somehow. Selfish suddenly seemed like a beautiful word.
我知道他会认为这样很傻的，但是我感到如释重负。如果他真的要我，我会做好其他的事情的……不管怎样，“自私”突然变成了一个美好的词语。
I sighed and let my eyes close in contentment, resting there in his hands.
我舒了一口气，让眼睛心满意足地合了起来，静静地在他的手中休憩。
“And the sound of your heart,” he continued, more serious but still smiling a little. “It’s the most significant sound in my world. I’m so attuned to it now, I swear I could pick it out from miles away. But neither of these things matter. This,” he said, taking my face in his hands. “You. That’s what I’m keeping. You’ll always be my Bella, you’ll just be a little more durable.”
“你心跳的声音，”他继续说道，语气更加严肃但仍然面带微笑，“这是我的世界中最有意义的声音。现在我已经完全适应了这种声音，我发誓我在几十英里以外都能辨认出来，但是这些都不重要。”他用手捧住我的脸说道，“你，这才是我要呵护的，你永远都是我的贝拉，而你只是需要更加有耐心一些。”
“Now will you answer a question for me? The whole truth, not sparing my feelings?” he asked.
“现在你愿意回答我的一个问题吗？所有的一切，别管我的感情。”他问道。
“That’s not a question,” I finally whispered.
“这不是问题，”我最后低声说。
“Of course,” I answered at once, my eyes opening wide with surprise. What would he want to know?
“当然啦。”我立刻回答道，惊讶地睁大跟睛。他想知道什么呢？
He spoke the words slowly. “You don’t want to be my wife.”
他一字句地说道：“你不想成为我的妻子？”
My heart stopped, and then broke into a sprint. A cold sweat dewed on the back of my neck and my hands turned to ice.
我的心脏停了下来，接着突然剧烈跳动起来。后颈项上冒出一阵冷汗，双手突然变得冰冷。
He looked down, his lashes casting long shadows across his cheekbones, and dropped his hands from my face to pick up my frozen left hand. He played with my fingers while he spoke. “I was worrying about why you felt that way.”
他低下头，睫毛在脸颊上留下长长的影子，他把手从我脸上放下来握住我冰冷的手，一边说话一边摆弄着我的手指头：“我很担心你为什么会有这样的感觉。”
He waited, watching and listening to my reaction.
他等待着，注视着，倾听着我的反应。
“The truth?” I asked, only mouthing the words.
“真相？”我问道，只是佯装着说出这两个字。
I tilted my head back and glared at him, embarrassment making me lash out, belligerent.
我斜着抬起头，愤怒地看着他，尴尬让我激动起来，变得好争吵。
“Of course. I can take it, whatever it is.”
“当然，我会接受的，不管是什么。”
His eyes flashed up to mine, shocked. “Laugh? I cannot imagine that.”
他抬起眼睛扫了我一眼，有些惊讶：“嘲笑？我想象不出那样的事情。”
There was a brief pause.
停顿了片刻。
“Please, Bella?”
“求你了，贝拉？”
“You’ll see,” I muttered, and then I sighed. My face went from white to scarlet in a sudden blaze of chagrin. “Okay, fine! I’m sure this will sound like some big joke to you, but really! It’s just so… so… so embarrassing!” I confessed, and I hid my face against his chest again.
“你会明白的，”我低声咕哝道，接着又叹了口气，因为窘迫不安我苍白的脸涨的通红，“好吧，真是的！我肯定这在你看来就像是个大笑话一样，不过是真的！只是那么？那么……令人尴尬！”我坦白道，把脸又藏进他的胸口里。
“I’m not that girl, Edward. The one who gets married right out of high school like some small-town hick who got knocked up by her boyfriend! Do you know what people would think? Do you realize what century this is? People don’t just get married at eighteen! Not smart people, not responsible, mature people! I wasn’t going to be that girl! That’s not who I am…” I trailed off, losing steam.
“我不是那样的女孩，爱德华。那种高中一毕业就立马结婚，像被男朋友弄得怀孕了的小城镇里的乡巴佬一样！你知道人们会怎么想吗？你意识到这是什么世纪了吗？人们不会在十八岁的时候就结婚的！那些聪明人不会！那些有责任心的、成熟的人不会！我不要成为那样的女孩！那不是我自己……”我的声音逐渐消失不见了。
“I’m not following you.”
“我没弄明白你的意思。”
I tried to swallow. “That’s not a question, either,” I whispered.
我努力克制自己，“这也不是个问题。”我轻声说道。
I took a deep breath. “You’re going to laugh at me.”
我深深地吸了口气：“你会嘲笑我的。”
I blinked. “Isn’t that enough?”
我眨了眨眼睛：“难道那还不够吗？
His liquid gold eyes turned hypnotic as they held mine.
他清澈的金色眼眸凝视着我的眼睛的时候似乎有催眠作用一样。
“It’s not that you were… more eager for immortality itself than for just me?”
“你不是那样的人……只是比起仅仅是为了我来，你是不是更迫不及待地想得到永生？”
I’d sobered up by then, so I nodded and struggled to keep the frown off my face.
那时候我已经清醒过来，所以我点点头，挣扎着不让愁云爬上我的脸庞。
“It’s nice to understand, though. And I do understand your perspective, Bella, truly I do. But I’d like it very much if you’d try to consider mine.”
“不过，了解这一切真的很好。我的确理解你的观点，贝拉，我了解，真的。但是如果你试着考虑我的想法的话，我会非常高兴的。”
And then, though I’d predicted that he would laugh, I was suddenly the one having hysterics.
接着，虽然我已经预见到他会大笑的，但是我突然变成了歇斯底里大笑起来的那一个。
“Still… it doesn’t change anything.”
“但是……这仍然改变不了什么。”
Edward’s face was impossible to read as he thought through my answer.
爱德华思考着我的回答，他的脸色难以捉摸。
“Well, that’s a relief,” he said.
“噢，这可真让人感到欣慰啊。”他说道。
“That’s all?” he finally asked.
“就是这些吗？”他终于开口问道。
“Edward,” I said, managing to speak more clearly with a little effort, “there’s no point to forever without you. I wouldn’t want one day without you.”
“爱德华，”我说道，吃力地想要吐词更清楚些，“没有你就算得到永生也没有意义，哪怕一天没有你我也不愿意。”
“Edward!” I gasped out between the paroxysms of giggles. “And here… I always… thought that… you were… so much… smarter than me!”
“爱德华！”我在突然发作的咯咯大笑中挤出几句话，“而这样……我总是……认为……你比我……聪明……得多！”
He took me in his arms, and I could feel that he was laughing with me.
他把我揽入怀中，我能感觉到他和我一起大笑起来。
And for one second, I could. I saw myself in a long skirt and a high-necked lace blouse with my hair piled up on my head. I saw Edward looking dashing in a light suit with a bouquet of wildflowers in his hand, sitting beside me on a porch swing.
过了片刻我才明白，我看见自己穿着长长的裙子和高领蕾丝罩衣，头发高高地盘在头顶上。我看见爱德华看起来光芒四射，身穿浅色西装，手中握着一束野花，和我一起坐在秋千椅上。
“You see, Bella, I was always that boy. In my world, I was already a man. I wasn’t looking for love — no, I was far too eager to be a soldier for that; I thought of nothing but the idealized glory of the war that they were selling prospective draftees then — but if I had found…” He paused, cocking his head to the side. “I was going to say if I had found someone, but that won’t do. If I had found you, there isn’t a doubt in my mind how I would have proceeded. I was that boy, who would have — as soon as I discovered that you were what I was looking for — gotten down on one knee and endeavored to secure your hand. I would have wanted you for eternity, even when the word didn’t have quite the same connotations.”
“你瞧，贝拉，我一直都是那样的男孩。在我的世界里，我已经是个男人了。我没有寻找过爱情——不，我太迫不及待地想当兵，根本没想过恋爱；我什么都没想过，除了想象着理想化了的战争的荣耀，他们那时候向应征人伍的人兜售的这种观点——但是要是我发现……”他停顿了片刻，把头偏向一边，“我本打算说如果我遇到某个人，但是不会有这样的事。如果我遇见你，我脑海中不会有丝毫怀疑我会如何前进。我是那样的男孩——一旦发现你就是我在寻找的对象——我就会单膝下跪，努力得到你的芳心，紧紧握住你的手——我就是那种男孩。我会永远要你，就算这个词语所包含的意义不是完全相同。”
He smiled his crooked smile at me.
他冲我狡黠地一笑。
I stared at him with my eyes frozen wide.
我眼睛瞪得大大的，一动不动地看着他。
I breathed.
我照做了。
“Breathe, Bella,” he reminded me, smiling.
“呼吸，贝拉。”他提醒我，脸上还挂着笑容。
“Can you see my side, Bella, even a little bit?”
“你能明白我的立场吗，贝拉，哪怕只有一点点？”
I shook my head and swallowed. I was just having Anne of Green Gables flashbacks.
我摇了摇头，咽了一下唾液。我脑海中正在重现《绿山墙的安妮》的情景呢。
“The thing is, Edward,” I said in a shaky voice, avoiding the question, “in my mind, marriage and eternity are not mutually exclusive or mutually inclusive concepts. And since we’re living in my world for the moment, maybe we should go with the times, if you know what I mean.”
“问题是，爱德华，”我声音颤抖着，回避问题说道，“在我心里，婚姻和永恒既不是互相排斥也不是互相包含的概念。既然我们暂时生活在我的世界，或许我们应该顺应时代的潮流，如果你明白我的意思的话。”
I pursed my lips. “When in Rome?”
我嘟着嘴巴说道：“那么人乡随俗呢？”
“But on the other hand,” he countered, “you will soon be leaving time behind you altogether. So why should the transitory customs of one local culture affect the decision so much?”
“但是另一方面，”他反驳道，“不久你就会将时间完全抛在身后了，那么为什么某个本土文化的过渡性习俗会如此影响决定呢？”
“Is still in effect. I do see your point, Bella, but if you want me to change you myself…”
“仍然有效。我的确明白你的意思，贝拉，但是如果你想要我亲自来改变你……”
Time continued to move too fast.
时间继续飞快地流逝。
He laughed at me. “You don’t have to say yes or no today, Bella. It’s good to understand both sides, though, don’t you think?”
他对我笑道：“你今天不必说愿意或者不愿意，贝拉，不过了解双方的想法真的很好，难道你不这样认为吗？”
“Dum, dum, dah-dum,” I hummed under my breath. I was going for the wedding march, but it sort of sounded like a dirge.
“当，当，当当！”我低声哼着。我哼着婚礼进行曲，但是听起来就像是种哀悼曲一样。
“So your condition…”
“那么你的条件是……”
That night flew by dreamlessly, and then it was morning and graduation was staring me in the face. I had a pile of studying to do for my finals that I knew I wouldn’t get halfway through in the few days I had left.
那一晚元梦，接着就是早上，毕业已经对我虎视眈眈了。我有一堆东西要复习以应付期末考试，我知道在余下的几天时间里我是不会半途而废的。
When I came down for breakfast, Charlie was already gone. He’d left the paper on the table, and that reminded me that I had some shopping to do. I hoped the ad for the concert was still running; I needed the phone number to get the stupid tickets. It didn’t seem like much of a gift now that all the surprise was gone. Of course, trying to surprise Alice wasn’t the brightest plan to begin with.
我下楼吃早餐的时候，查理已经出门了。他把报纸落在桌上，它提醒我我需要买东西了。我希望音乐会的广告还在登出，我需要电话号码去订那愚蠢的门票。由于所有的惊喜都没有了，这看起来根本就不是什么礼物了。当然，努力让爱丽丝感到惊喜一开始就不是最明智的计划。
SEATTLE TERRORIZED BY SLAYINGS
西雅图陷入谋杀恐慌。
It’s been less than a decade since the city of Seattle was the hunting ground for the most prolific serial killer in U. S. history. Gary Ridgway, the Green River Killer, was convicted of the murders of 48 women.
西雅图城曾是美国历史上连环谋杀案最多的案发地，距今不到十年。加里·里奇韦——格林河杀手被判谋杀四十八名妇女罪名成立。
And now a beleaguered Seattle must face the possibility that it could be harboring an even more horrifying monster at this very moment.
现在四面楚歌的西雅图必须面对这种可能性：此刻这里可能逗留着一个更加令人恐怖的魔鬼。
The police are not calling the recent rash of homicides and disappearances the work of a serial killer. Not yet, at least. They are reluctant to believe so much carnage could be the work of one individual. This killer — if, in fact, it is one person — would then be responsible for 39 linked homicides and disappearances within the last three months alone. In comparison, Ridgway’s 48 — count murder spree was scattered over a 21 — year period. If these deaths can be linked to one man, then this is the most violent rampage of serial murder in American history.
警方认为，目前突然爆发的死亡案和失踪案并不是连环杀手所为。至少，目前他们还不这么认为，他们不愿意相信如此大的屠杀不会是个人所为。这个凶手——如果．实际上是一个人的话——那么将会涉嫌三十九宗连环谋杀案和失踪案，这一切仅仅发生在过去三个月之内。相比之下，里奇韦所犯下的四十八宗疯狂命案是分散在二十一年的时间里进行的。如果这些死亡确系一人所为，那么这将成为美国历史上所爆发的最凶狠的连环谋杀案件。
I meant to flip right back to the entertainment section, but the thick black headline caught my attention. I felt a thrill of fear as I leaned closer to read the front-page story.
我本打算直接翻到娱乐版的，但是粗体的黑色标题引起了我的注意，我靠近去读头版新闻的时候感到一阵恐惧。
From Jack the Ripper to Ted Bundy, the targets of serial killings are usually connected by similarities in age, gender, race, or a combination of the three. The victims of this crime wave range in age from 15 — year-old honor student Amanda Reed, to 67 — year-old retired postman Omar Jenks. The linked deaths include a nearly even 18 women and 21 men. The victims are racially diverse: Caucasians, African Americans, Hispanics and Asians.
从开膛手杰克到泰德·邦迪，连环杀手的目标通常都与年龄、性别、种族或者这三者的组合的相似性有关。这次罪行的受害者在年龄上既有十五岁的优等生阿曼达·里德，也有六十七岁的退休邮递员奥马·扬科斯。相关的死亡者还包括十八名妇女和二十一名男子。男女数量几乎相等。受害者的种族背景呈多样性：高加索裔，非裔美国人，西班牙裔、亚裔。
The police are leaning instead toward the theory that gang activity is involved. This theory is supported by the sheer number of victims, and by the fact that there seems to be no pattern in the choice of victims.
相反，方更倾向于团伙作案的理论，这一理论的证据来源于触目惊心的受害者人数及受害者选择的无规律性的事实。
The selection appears random. The motive seems to be killing for no other reason than to kill.
受害者是随意选择的。犯罪动机似乎只是为了杀人而杀人，而不是为了特别的原因而大开杀戒。
There are enough similarities in the modus operandi to rule out unrelated crimes. Every victim discovered has been burned to the extent that dental records were necessary for identification. The use of some kind of accelerant, like gasoline or alcohol, seems to be indicated in the conflagrations; however, no traces of any accelerant have yet been found. All of the bodies have been carelessly dumped with no attempt at concealment.
在惯用手法中的众多相似之处，足以排除不相关的犯罪行为。每个被发现的受害者都被烧毁到需要对牙齿记录进行鉴别的程度。在燃烧物中发现的物质如汽油或酒精显示罪犯使用了某种催化剂，然而目前尚未发现任何催化剂的痕迹．所有尸体未经过任何掩藏就被随便丢弃。
So why even consider the idea of a serial killer?
那么，为什么还要考虑连环杀手的想法呢？
Another similarity that points to the possibility of a serial: every crime is perfectly clean of evidence, aside from the remains themselves. Not a fingerprint, not a tire tread mark nor a foreign hair is left behind. There have been no sightings of any suspect in the disappearances.
另一个指向连环谋杀案的可能性的相似之处在于除了这些残骸之外，没有留下任何证据。没有指纹，没有车胎痕迹．就连不同的头发也没留下，失踪人口当中也没有任何足以引发怀疑的迹象。
Then there are the disappearances themselves — hardly low profile by any means. None of the victims are what could be viewed as easy targets. None are runaways or the homeless, who vanish so easily and are seldom reported missing. Victims have vanished from their homes, from a fourth-story apartment, from a health club, from a wedding reception. Perhaps the most astounding: 30 — year-old amateur boxer Robert Walsh entered a movie theater with a date; a few minutes into the movie, the woman realized that he was not in his seat. His body was found only three hours later when fire fighters were called to the scene of a burning trash Dumpster, twenty miles away.
还有那些失踪人口本身——无论怎么说，他们都并非不引人注目的人。没有人是离家出走的或无家可归的，这些人很容易消失不见．而且很少会有人报警失踪。受害者有的从家中消失，有的从四层楼的公寓，有的从健身俱乐部，有的则从婚礼接待处。或许最令人惊骇不已的是三十岁的业余拳击手罗伯特。沃尔什与约会对象一起进入电影院，电影开始几分钟后．这个妇女意识到他已经不在座位上。只过了三小时，消防队被派往二十英里以外的一个燃烧着的垃圾桶扑火时，发现了他的尸体。
More gruesome yet, most of the remains show evidence of brutal violence — bones crushed and snapped by some kind of tremendous pressure — which medical examiners believe occurred before the time of death, though these conclusions are difficult to be sure of, considering the state of the evidence.
然而更可怕的是，大多数残骸表明发生过激烈的搏斗——骨头被某种巨大的压力碾碎或折断——法医鉴定认为是在死亡时间之前发生的，尽管限于目前的证据，这些结论尚不能完全确定。
It took me three tries to read the last sentence, and I realized the problem was my shaking hands.
我读了三遍才读懂最后一句话，我意识到问题在于我的手在颤抖。
The evidence is conflicting, the pieces horrifying. A vicious new gang or a wildly active serial killer? Or something else the police haven’t yet conceived of?
证据互相矛盾，残骸狰狞恐怖，是一个新的邪恶团伙还是疯狂的在逃连环杀手？或者是警方尚未想到的其他东西？
“Bella?”
“贝拉？”
Another pattern is present in the slayings: all of the victims disappeared at night.
另一个规律在于杀戮本身：所有的受害者都是在夜晚失踪的。
Focused as I was, Edward’s voice, though quiet and not totally unexpected, made me gasp and whirl.
我太专注了，虽然爱德华的声音很轻，也并不是完全出乎意料的，但还是令我头脑眩晕，吓了我一大跳。
And the most alarming pattern? Acceleration. Six of the homicides were committed in the first month, 11 in the second. Twenty-two have occurred in the last 10 days alone. And the police are no closer to finding the responsible party than they were after the first charred body was discovered.
那么最令人担忧的规律是什么呢？谋杀的速度在加快。有六个人是在第一个月里被谋杀的，十一个人是在第二个月。仅仅在过去十天里就有二十二个人被杀害。警方目前所发现的线索不多，就和他们发现第一具烧焦的尸体之时找到的相差无几。
Only one conclusion is indisputable: something hideous is stalking Seattle.
只有一个结论是毫无争议的：某种骇人听闻的东西正威胁着西雅图。
“No, no,” I said quickly. “Have you seen this?” I pointed to the paper.
“没有，没有，”我急促地说道，“你看过这个吗？”我指着报纸说遭。
“Did I startle you? I’m sorry. I did knock…”
“我吓到你了吗？对不起，我敲过门……”
He was leaning in the doorway, his eyebrows pulled together. Then he was suddenly at my side, taking my hand.
他斜靠在门口，眉毛拉在一起。然后他突然出现在我身边，牵着我的手。
I didn’t like that. I hated any of them taking chances, and whatever or whoever was in Seattle was truly beginning to frighten me. But the idea of the Volturi coming was just as scary.
我不喜欢这样。我讨厌他们中的任何人去冒险，不管西雅图那里出现的是什么东西，或是什么人真的开始令我感到恐惧了，但是一想到沃尔图里就要来了，我也会感到同样害怕。
“What does Alice say?”
“爱丽丝怎么说？”
“I hadn’t seen today’s news yet. But I knew it was getting worse. We’re going to have to do something… quickly.”
“我还没渎今天的报纸，但是我知道事情越来越糟糕了。我们得采取行动了……要快。”
“Who knows? No one’s ever done a study… but I really doubt it. These things tend to intensify over time. Look at Aro and Jane.”
“谁知道？没有人作过研究……但是我真的怀疑此事，这些事情随着时间的推移变得更加严峻了。看看阿罗和简。”
“That’s the problem.” His frown hardened. “She can’t see anything… though we’ve made up our minds half a dozen times to check it out. She’s starting to lose confidence. She feels like she’s missing too much these days, that something’s wrong. That maybe her vision is slipping away.”
“这就是问题，”他的眉头皱得更紧了，“她什么都看不见……虽然我们已经好多次下定决心去查明情况了。她开始失去信心了，她觉得这些天好像错过了很多东西一样，发生了什么事情，这使她的预见力偷偷地溜走了。”
My eyes were wide. “Can that happen?”
我瞪大眼睛：“会发生这样的事情吗？”
A frown creased his forehead.
眉头开始在他前额紧皱起来。
“Then what’s wrong?”
“那就是问题所在吗？”
“Self-fulfilling prophecy, I think. We keep waiting for Alice to see something so we can go… and she doesn’t see anything because we won’t really go until she does. So she can’t see us there. Maybe we’ll have to do it blind.”
“自我实现的预言，我想。我们一直在等爱丽丝看见什么，这样我们就能去……因为我们实际上在她看见以前不会去，所以她看不见什么。她看不见我们在哪里，或许我们得盲目地做这件事情了。”
I shuddered. “No.”
我战栗了：“不。”
“I think I can live without school for a day. What are we doing?”
“我想一天不上学我没什么问题，我们做什么呢？”
Jasper, again. It was strange. In the Cullen family, Jasper was always a little on the fringe, part of things but never the center of them. It was my unspoken assumption that he was only there for Alice. I had the sense that he would follow Alice anywhere, but that this lifestyle was not his first choice. The fact that he was less committed to it than the others was probably why he had more difficulty keeping it up.
又是贾斯帕，真奇怪。在卡伦家里，贾斯帕总是有点儿像处在边缘一样，是事情的一部分，却又不是核心。我自己未说出口的猜想是他是为了爱丽丝才留下的，我有这样的感觉，他会跟着爱丽丝到任何地方，但是这种生活方式不是他的首选。他跟其他人比起来并没有那么忠于这样的生活方式，这一事实很可能就是他为什么更难坚持的原因。
“I want to talk to Jasper.”
“我想和贾斯帕谈一谈。”
At any rate, I’d never seen Edward feel dependent on Jasper. I wondered again what he’d meant about Jasper’s expertise. I really didn’t know much about Jasper’s history, just that he had come from somewhere in the south before Alice found him. For some reason, Edward had always shied away from any questions about his newest brother. And I’d always been too intimidated by the tall, blond vampire who looked like a brooding movie star to ask him outright.
不管怎样，我从未看见过爱德华如此依赖贾斯帕，我又不禁想知道他说贾斯帕的专家知识指的是什么。我真的对贾斯帕的历史了解不多，只知道爱丽丝发现他以前，他来自南方的某个地方。出于某种原因，爱德华总是回避关于他最新的弟弟的问题，而且这个高个子金发吸血鬼看起来就像一个忧郁的电影明星一样，我总是非常害怕，不敢直接问他。
“Did you have a strong desire to attend class today? We’re only a couple of days from finals; they won’t be giving us anything new.”
“你今天上课的愿望强烈吗？我们只有几天就要期末考试了，他们不会让我们考新内容的。”
“Hey, Edward. Ditching, Bella?” He grinned at me.
“嘿，爱德华。翘课了，贝拉？”他笑着对我说道。
“We both are,” Edward reminded him.
“我们俩都翘课了。”爱德华提醒他。
Emmett laughed. “Yes, but it’s her first time through high school. She might miss something.”
埃美特大笑着说：“是的，但这是她高中以来第一次，她可能会错过什么内容的。”
Edward rolled his eyes, but otherwise ignored his favorite brother. He tossed the paper to Carlisle. “Did you see that they’re considering a serial killer now?” he asked.
爱德华转了转眼睛，没理睬他最喜欢的弟弟。他把报纸抛给卡莱尔，问道：“他们现在认为这是连环杀手，你看过这个吗？”
“Let’s go now,” Emmett said with sudden enthusiasm. “I’m dead bored.”
“我们现在就去吧，”埃美特说道，语气中饱含着突如其来的热情，“我快无聊死了。”
“We can’t let this go on.”
“我们不能让这样的事情继续下去。”
“She’s such a pessimist,” Emmett muttered to himself.
“她是那么悲观。”埃美特自言自语地咕哝道。
When we got to the house, we found Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper watching the news intently, though the sound was so low that it was unintelligible to me. Alice was perched on the bottom step of the grand staircase, her face in her hands and her expression discouraged. As we walked in, Emmett ambled through the kitchen door, seeming perfectly at ease. Nothing ever bothered Emmett.
我们到达他家的时候看见卡莱尔、埃斯梅和贾斯帕正聚精会神地读报纸，他们的声音很低，我听不清楚他们在说什么。爱丽丝坐在奢华的楼梯最下边的一级台阶上，神情沮丧。我们走进来的时候，埃美特从厨房不紧不慢地走了进来，似乎十分轻松，没什么事情能让埃美特心烦意乱的。
A hiss echoed down the stairway from upstairs.
楼上的楼梯上传来一阵嘘声。
Carlisle sighed. “They’ve had two specialists debating that possibility on CNN all morning.”
卡莱尔叹气道：“整个早上有线电视新闻网的两个专家一直就在对这种可能性进行辩论呢。”
Rosalie appeared at the top of the stairs and descended slowly. Her face was smooth, expressionless.
罗莎莉从楼梯上慢慢下来。她看起来很温和，面无表情。
“I don’t want the Volturi to have to come here,” Edward said. “It gives us so much less reaction time.”
“我不想沃尔图里家族的人不得不来到这里，”爱德华说，“这样会使我们采取应对措施的时间大大减少的。”
Carlisle was shaking his head. “I’m concerned. We’ve never involved ourselves in this kind of thing before. It’s not our business. We aren’t the Volturi.”
卡莱尔摇着头说：“我很担心，我们以前从未涉足这样的事情。这不关我们的事，我们不是沃尔图里家族。”
Edward agreed with Emmett. “We’ll have to go sometime.”
爱德华也同意埃美特的观点：“我们总归要去的。”
“Oh,” Edward said sharply, turning his head slightly to look at Jasper. “I didn’t think of that. I see. You’re right, that has to be it. Well, that changes everything.”
“哦，”爱德华尖刻地说道，他稍稍偏了一下头，看着贾斯帕，“我没想到那一点。我明白了，你是对的，不得不这样。好吧，这就改变了一切。”
“And all those innocent humans in Seattle,” Esme murmured. “It’s not right to let them die this way.”
“那些西雅图人真无辜，”埃斯梅喃喃地说。“让他们就这样死是不对的。”
“I think you’d better explain to the others,” Edward said to Jasper. “What could be the purpose of this?” Edward started to pace, staring at the floor, lost in thought.
“我认为你最好解释给其他人听，”爱德华对贾斯帕说，“这一切的目的是什么？”爱德华开始踱来踱去，眼睛盯着地板，陷入了沉思。
I wasn’t the only one who stared at him in confusion, but I might have been the only one who didn’t look slightly annoyed.
我不是唯一一个迷惑不解地盯着他的人，但是我很可能是唯一一个看起来不是稍微有些恼火的人。
I hadn’t seen her get up, but Alice was there beside me. “What is he rambling about?” she asked Jasper. “What are you thinking?”
我没看见她站起来，但是爱丽丝已经来到我旁边了。“他在胡说什么啊？”她问贾斯帕，“你在想什么？”
“I know,” Carlisle sighed.
“我知道。”卡莱尔叹气道。
Jasper didn’t seem to enjoy the spotlight. He hesitated, reading every face in the circle — for everyone had moved in to hear what he would say — and then his eyes paused on my face.
贾斯帕似乎不喜欢成为焦点。他犹豫了一下，端详着圈子里的每个人——因为每个人都向他靠近想听听他要说的话——接着他的视线停留在我的身上。
“Not much,” I admitted.
“不多。”我承认道。
“You can afford the time to be patient,” Jasper told him. “Bella should understand this, too. She’s one of us now.”
“要耐心一点儿，你付得起这个时间，”贾斯帕对他说，“贝拉也应该了解这一点，她现在是我们中的一员。”
Emmett sighed theatrically, and plopped down on the couch to wait with exaggerated impatience.
埃美特夸张地叹了叹气，让身体重重地倒在沙发上，一脸夸张的不耐烦等在那里。
“How much do you know about me, Bella?” Jasper asked.
“你对我了解多少，贝拉？”贾斯帕问道。
There was no question in his assumption. Jasper knew what I was feeling, what everyone was feeling.
他的猜测中不含任何疑问。贾斯帕知道我的感受，大家的感受。
“No,” Edward answered his thought. “I’m sure you can understand why I haven’t told her that story. But I suppose she needs to hear it now.”
“不，”爱德华回答了他心中的疑问，“我确信你能理解为什么我没告诉她那个故事，不过我猜她现在需要听一听了。”
“You’re confused,” he said to me, his deep voice very quiet.
“你很迷惑。”他对我说，他的声音深沉而平静。
His words took me by surprise. As little as I’d had to do with Jasper, especially since my last birthday when he’d tried to kill me, I hadn’t realize that he thought of me that way.
他的话令我大吃一惊。像我这样和贾斯帕没什么关系，特别是自从去年我生日那天他试图杀死我，我就从来没想过他会这样看待我。
“We’re all confused,” Emmett grumbled.
“我们都很迷惑。”埃美特抱怨道。
Jasper stared at Edward, who looked up to meet his gaze.
贾斯帕盯着爱德华，正好他也抬起头看着他。
“Oh,” I breathed as realization hit. “Jasper, you have a scar exactly like mine.”
“哦，”我恍然大悟地吸了口气，“贾斯帕，你有一道和我一模一样的疤痕。”
Jasper’s face was unreadable as he pushed the sleeve of his thin sweater higher up his arm. At first my eyes could not make sense of the texture that was layered thickly across the skin. Curved half-moons crisscrossed in a feathery pattern that was only visible, white on white as it was, because the bright glow of the lamp beside him threw the slightly raised design into relief, with shallow shadows outlining the shapes. And then I grasped that the pattern was made of individual crescents like the one on his wrist… the one on my hand.
当贾斯帕把薄薄的运动衫的袖子往胳膊上方捋起来的时候，他露出难以捉摸的脸色。起初，我的眼睛看不出那些厚厚地叠加在他皮肤上的组织。弯曲的半月形构成羽毛的形状，只有在白色的映称下才看得出来，因为他身旁的灯散发出的明亮灯光使稍稍突起的形状像浮雕一样。浅浅的影子勾勒出它们的轮廓。我恍然大悟，明白了这些形状是由单独的疤痕构成的，就像他胳膊上的一样……像我胳膊上的一样。
Jasper smiled faintly. “I have a lot of scars like yours, Bella.”
贾斯帕微微一笑：“我有许多跟你一样的伤疤，贝拉。”
Jasper nodded thoughtfully, and then started to roll up the arm of his ivory sweater.
贾斯帕若有所思地点点头，接着开始卷起他象牙白运动衫的袖子。
I watched, curious and confused, trying to figure out what he was doing. He held his wrist under the edge of the lampshade beside him, close to the light of the naked bulb, and traced his finger across a raised crescent mark on the pale skin.
我仔细地看着，既好奇又迷惑，想要弄清楚他在干什么。他把手腕放在他身旁的灯罩边缘，靠近裸露的灯泡光，用手指顺着苍白皮肤上突出的月牙形伤疤划过去。
It took me a minute to understand why the shape looked strangely familiar.
我过了好一会儿才明白为什么这个形状看起来熟悉得有些奇怪。
I looked back at my own small, solitary scar — and remembered how I’d received it. I stared at the shape of James’s teeth, embossed forever on my skin.
我又看了看自己的伤疤，它小小的，也很孤独——想起我是如何受伤的情景，我盯着詹姆斯牙齿的形状永远地印在我的皮肤上了。
And then I gasped, staring up at him. “Jasper, what happened to you?”
然后我大吃一惊，抬头盯着他问道：“贾斯帕，在你身上发生过什么？”
I held out my hand, the silvery crescent more prominent against my cream skin than against his alabaster.
我伸出手臂，在我雪白的皮肤映衬下，那条银色的伤疤比在他那石膏色的皮肤的映衬下显得更加突出。
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