The month that followed the accident was uneasy, tense, and, at first, embarrassing.
接下来的一个月出现的事情很令人不安、紧张，尤其是尴尬。
In my dream it was very dark, and what dim light there was seemed to be radiating from Edward’s skin. I couldn’t see his face, just his back as he walked away from me, leaving me in the blackness. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn’t catch up to him; no matter how loud I called, he never turned. Troubled, I woke in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep again for what seemed like a very long time. After that, he was in my dreams nearly every night, but always on the periphery, never within reach.
梦里，很黑，惟一的一点儿昏暗的光，似乎是爱德华的皮肤发出来的。我看不见他的脸，只能看见他的背影，他正离我而去，把我留在了黑暗之中。不管我跑多快，总也追不上他；不管喊多大的声，他也不回头。一急，我半夜的时候醒了，似乎有好长一段时间硬是再也睡不着。打这以后，差不多每天夜里他都会出现在我的梦里，但他总在我碰触不到的外围，永远都是近在咫尺又遥不可及。
To my dismay, I found myself the center of attention for the rest of that week. Tyler Crowley was impossible, following me around, obsessed with making amends to me somehow. I tried to convince him what I wanted more than anything else was for him to forget all about it — especially since nothing had actually happened to me — but he remained insistent. He followed me between classes and sat at our now-crowded lunch table. Mike and Eric were even less friendly toward him than they were to each other, which made me worry that I’d gained another unwelcome fan.
令我感到郁闷的是，我发现自己成了后半周大家关注的中心。泰勒·克劳利真让人受不了，成天跟着我转，老想着怎么补偿我。我努力让他相信我最想要的就是，他把这件事统统忘掉——尤其是，实际上他根本就没给我带来任何伤害——可他就是一根筋儿地坚持。他课间跟着我，吃午饭也挤到我们现在已经很拥挤的桌子上来凑热闹。迈克和埃里克对他的敌意，甚至超过了他们彼此间的敌意，弄得我很担心自己又多了一个不受欢迎的粉丝。
No one seemed concerned about Edward, though I explained over and over that he was the hero — how he had pulled me out of the way and had nearly been crushed, too. I tried to be convincing. Jessica, Mike, Eric, and everyone else always commented that they hadn’t even seen him there till the van was pulled away.
似乎谁也不关心爱德华，尽管我有一遍无一遍地解释说他是英雄——还解释了他把我拉开的过程以及差点儿让车给辗了的情形。我使尽了浑身解数，力图描述得可信一点。可杰西卡、迈克、埃里克以及其他所有人总是说他们在客货两用车拉走之前，连看都没有看到他。
Edward was never surrounded by crowds of curious bystanders eager for his firsthand account. People avoided him as usual. The Cullens and the Hales sat at the same table as always, not eating, talking only among themselves. None of them, especially Edward, glanced my way anymore.
爱德华身边从来没有好奇的旁观者围着，想听他的第一手描述。人们还是像往常一样对他敬而远之。卡伦兄妹仨和黑尔姐弟俩依旧坐在那张桌子上，不吃东西，只是他们几个之间相互聊天。他们谁都不瞟我这边一眼了，尤其是爱德华。
I wondered to myself why no one else had seen him standing so far away, before he was suddenly, impossibly saving my life. With chagrin, I realized the probable cause — no one else was as aware of Edward as I always was. No one else watched him the way I did. How pitiful.
我暗自纳闷，为什么别人谁都没有看见在他突然难以置信地救了我的命之前，他站在那么老远的地方呢。我懊恼地意识到了一个可能的原因——别人谁都不像我那样总是在注意爱德华。别人谁都不曾像我那样注视过他。真是可怜啦。
When he sat next to me in class, as far from me as the table would allow, he seemed totally unaware of my presence. Only now and then, when his fists would suddenly ball up — skin stretched even whiter over the bones — did I wonder if he wasn’t quite as oblivious as he appeared.
上课他坐在我旁边时，也是能离我多远就离多远，似乎根本就不知道我的存在。只是偶尔他突然攥紧拳头，青筋暴露，皮肤更白了的时候，我才会怀疑他是不是不像看上去的那样健忘。
“Hello, Edward,” I said pleasantly, to show him I was going to behave myself.
“喂，爱德华”我和颜悦色地叫了他一声，想让他知道我心平气和了。
I wanted very much to talk to him, and the day after the accident I tried. The last time I’d seen him, outside the ER, we’d both been so furious. I still was angry that he wouldn’t trust me with the truth, even though I was keeping my part of the bargain flawlessly. But he had in fact saved my life, no matter how he’d done it. And, overnight, the heat of my anger faded into awed gratitude.
我很想跟他谈谈，而且事故发生的当天我就试过了。我最后一次见到他的时候，在急救室的外面，我俩都是那样的愤怒。即使我一直说到做到，无可挑剔，可他还是不信任我，不告诉我真相，这一点我依然很生气。不过他确实救过我一条命，无论他是怎样救的。一夜过后，我的火气消了不说，还生出了肃然的感激之情。
He wished he hadn’t pulled me from the path of Tyler’s van — there was no other conclusion I could come to.
他很后悔当初不该把我从泰勒的客货两用车前面拉开——除此，我得不出任何别的结论。
He was already seated when I got to Biology, looking straight ahead. I sat down, expecting him to turn toward me. He showed no sign that he realized I was there.
我去上生物学的时候，他已经坐在座位上了，眼睛盯着正前方。我坐下了，希望他会转过来脸来，可他丝毫没有流露出知道我在旁边的表情。
He turned his head a fraction toward me without meeting my gaze, nodded once, and then looked the other way.
他的脸往我这边扭了一丁点儿，没有和我的目光相遇，点了一下头，然后又望到一边去了。
And that was the last contact I’d had with him, though he was there, a foot away from me, every day. I watched him sometimes, unable to stop myself — from a distance, though, in the cafeteria or parking lot. I watched as his golden eyes grew perceptibly darker day by day. But in class I gave no more notice that he existed than he showed toward me. I was miserable. And the dreams continued.
那便是我跟他的最后一次接触，虽然他每天都坐在我旁边，距我仅咫尺之遥。不过，有时在自助餐厅或停车场，我还是会情不自禁地从远处注视他。我注意到他金色的双眸明显地一天比一天暗了。但上课的时候，我也不太注意他的存在，他注意我多少，我就注意他多少，决不比他多。我真是可怜。而梦仍在继续。
Mike, at least, was pleased by the obvious coolness between me and my lab partner. I could see he’d been worried that Edward’s daring rescue might have impressed me, and he was relieved that it seemed to have the opposite effect. He grew more confident, sitting on the edge of my table to talk before Biology class started, ignoring Edward as completely as he ignored us.
我和实验搭档之间明显的冷淡，至少令迈克很高兴。我看得出他一直担心爱德华的英勇相救可能会感动我，而现在他放心了，结果似乎适得其反。他越来越自信了，生物学上课之前总要坐在我桌子边上聊，根本就不把爱德华放在眼里，就像他根本不把我们放在眼里一样。
Despite my outright lies, the tenor of my e-mails alerted Renee to my depression, and she called a few times, worried. I tried to convince her it was just the weather that had me down.
虽然我在电子邮件中写的全是彻头彻尾的谎话，但蕾妮还是从中隐约觉察出了我的消沉，她还来过几次电话，很是担心。我想了很多办法，力图让她相信我情绪低落，纯粹是天气造成的。
The snow washed away for good after that one dangerously icy day. Mike was disappointed he’d never gotten to stage his snowball fight, but pleased that the beach trip would soon be possible. The rain continued heavily, though, and the weeks passed.
自那个危险的冰天之后，雪彻底给冲没了。迈克很失望没能组织起他的那场雪仗，但他还是很高兴，因为很快就可以去海滩旅游了。不过雨依然很大，几周就这样过去了。
Jessica made me aware of another event looming on the horizon — she called the first Tuesday of March to ask my permission to invite Mike to the girls’ choice spring dance in two weeks.
杰西卡让我了解到了另一个即将到来的活动——她在三月的第一个星期四打了个电话给我，请我允许她邀请迈克参加两周后的女生择伴春季舞会。
“Are you sure you don’t mind… you weren’t planning to ask him?” she persisted when I told her I didn’t mind in the least.
“你肯定你不会介意吗…你不打算邀请他”我告诉她我一点儿都不介意后，她追问了一句。
“No, Jess, I’m not going,” I assured her. Dancing was glaringly outside my range of abilities.
“不打算，杰西，我不准备参加舞会”我给她吃了一颗定心丸。我最不擅长的就是跳舞了。
“It will be really fun.” Her attempt to convince me was halfhearted. I suspected that Jessica enjoyed my inexplicable popularity more than my actual company.
“真的会很好玩儿的”她半心半意地劝我。我怀疑杰西卡喜欢跟我在一起，更多的是喜欢我那莫名其妙的人气，而不是喜欢我这个人。
“You have fun with Mike,” I encouraged.
“你跟迈克去好好玩儿吧”我鼓励道。
The next day, I was surprised that Jessica wasn’t her usual gushing self in Trig and Spanish. She was silent as she walked by my side between classes, and I was afraid to ask her why. If Mike had turned her down, I was the last person she would want to tell.
第二天，我惊讶地发现杰西卡上三角和西班牙语课时不像平时那样滔滔不绝了。她课间走在我旁边的时候一声没吭，我也没敢问她原因。要是迈克拒绝了她，她告诉谁也不会告诉我的。
Mike was still quiet as he walked me to class, the uncomfortable look on his face a bad sign. But he didn’t broach the subject until I was in my seat and he was perched on my desk. As always, I was electrically aware of Edward sitting close enough to touch, as distant as if he were merely an invention of my imagination.
跟我一起去上课的路上，迈克依旧沉默寡言，他脸上不自在的表情可不是个好兆头。不过，直到我坐在了座位上，他坐在我的课桌上之前，他都只字未提那件事情。同往常一样，就像通了电似的，我知道爱德华就坐在伸手可及的地方，却又远得好像他只不过是我想象出来的一个人而已。
My fears were strengthened during lunch when Jessica sat as far from Mike as possible, chatting animatedly with Eric. Mike was unusually quiet.
我的担心进一步加剧了，因为吃午饭的时候，杰西卡尽可能地坐得离迈克远远的，跟埃里克聊得起劲得很。迈克非同寻常的安静。
I didn’t want to get into the safety hazards that dancing presented, so I quickly made new plans.
我不想陷入舞会惹来的安全风险，于是很快有了新的打算。
“Mike, I think you should tell her yes,” I said.
“迈克，我认为你应该答应她的邀请”我说。
“Well…” He floundered as he examined my smile, clearly not happy with my response. “I told her I had to think about it.”
“唔…”他一边仔细地审度着我的微笑，一边支吾道。显而易见，他对我的反应不是很高兴“我告诉她我得想一想”
“That’s great.” I made my voice bright and enthusiastic. “You’ll have a lot of fun with Jessica.”
“那是大好事儿呀”我用喜气洋洋而又充满热情的声音说道“你跟杰西卡在一起会很开心的”
“Did you already ask someone?” Did Edward notice how Mike’s eyes flickered in his direction?
“你是不是已经邀请谁了”不知道爱德华有没有注意到迈克的眼神向他坐的方向闪了闪。
“I was wondering if… well, if you might be planning to ask me.”
“我在想…嗯，在想你会不会打算邀请我”
“No,” I assured him. “I’m not going to the dance at all.”
“没有”我给了他一颗定心丸“我根本就没打算参加那个舞会”
“So,” Mike said, looking at the floor, “Jessica asked me to the spring dance.”
“嗯”迈克眼睛看着地板说道“杰西卡邀请我参加春季舞会了”
His face was bright red as he looked down again. Pity shook my resolve.
他又垂下了头，脸涨得通红。同情之心动摇了我的决心。
“Why would you do that?” I let disapproval color my tone, though I was relieved he hadn’t given her an absolute no.
“你干吗要那样呢”我流露出了不悦，虽然他没有完全回绝她，令我舒了一口气。
I paused for a moment, hating the wave of guilt that swept through me. But I saw, from the corner of my eye, Edward’s head tilt reflexively in my direction.
我愣了一会儿，恨自己刚才那一刹那的愧疚。不过，从眼角的余光中，我看到爱德华的头本能地朝我这边偏了偏。
“Why not?” Mike demanded.
“干吗不呢”迈克问。
“I’m going to Seattle that Saturday,” I explained. I needed to get out of town anyway — it was suddenly the perfect time to go.
“那个周六我要去西雅图”我解释说。我反正得出一趟城——这一下子成了我出城的最佳时机。
“Sorry, no,” I said. “So you shouldn’t make Jess wait any longer — it’s rude.”
“对不起，不能”我说“所以你不应该让杰西卡再等了——很不礼貌的”
“Can’t you go some other weekend?”
“你不能在别的周末去吗”
And Edward was staring at me curiously, that same, familiar edge of frustration even more distinct now in his black eyes.
不想爱德华正好奇地盯着我，此时他黑色的眼睛里那熟悉的失望之情更为明显了。
I stared back, surprised, expecting him to look quickly away. But instead he continued to gaze with probing intensity into my eyes. There was no question of me looking away. My hands started to shake.
我很惊讶，于是也盯着他，以为他会迅速把目光移开的。可是他并没有移开，而是继续以强烈的探询的眼神盯着我的眼睛。我没法把自己的目光移开。我的双手开始发抖了。
“The Krebs Cycle,” Edward answered, seeming reluctant as he turned to look at Mr. Banner.
“克雷布斯循环”爱德华答道，他扭过头去看班纳先生的时候，显得有些不太情愿。
“Yeah, you’re right,” he mumbled, and turned, dejected, to walk back to his seat. I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers to my temples, trying to push the guilt and sympathy out of my head. Mr. Banner began talking. I sighed and opened my eyes.
“好的，你说得对”他咕哝了一句，然后沮丧地转身回到自己的座位上去了。我闭上双眼，用指头按了按太阳穴，想把愧疚与同情从脑袋中挤出去。班纳先生开始说话了，我叹了口气，睁开了眼睛。
I looked down at my book as soon as his eyes released me, trying to find my place. Cowardly as ever, I shifted my hair over my right shoulder to hide my face. I couldn’t believe the rush of emotion pulsing through me — just because he’d happened to look at me for the first time in a half-dozen weeks. I couldn’t allow him to have this level of influence over me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy.
他的目光一松劲，我就赶紧垂下眼睛看着书了，想找到讲到什么地方了。我还像以前一样胆小，把头发甩到了右肩，以便将脸遮起来。我不能相信刚才一下子，仅仅因为他六周以来第一次碰巧瞅了我一眼，感情居然就冲动得那么厉害。我不能让他对我有这么大的影响。这真可怜。还不止是可怜，简直是有病。
“Mr. Cullen?” the teacher called, seeking the answer to a question that I hadn’t heard.
“卡伦先生”老师叫他回答一个问题，是个什么问题我没听见。
I tried very hard not to be aware of him for the rest of the hour, and, since that was impossible, at least not to let him know that I was aware of him. When the bell rang at last, I turned my back to him to gather my things, expecting him to leave immediately as usual.
一节课接下来的时间里，我极力地不让自己注意他的存在，但因为这是不可能的事，所以至少极力地不让他知道我在注意他的存在。下课铃终于响了，我转过身去，背对着他收拾东西，等着他像平常一样马上离开。
“Bella?” His voice shouldn’t have been so familiar to me, as if I’d known the sound of it all my life rather than for just a few short weeks.
“贝拉”他的声音不应该有这么熟悉的，好像我已经熟悉它一辈子了，而不只是短短的几周时间。
I turned slowly, unwillingly. I didn’t want to feel what I knew I would feel when I looked at his too-perfect face. My expression was wary when I finally turned to him; his expression was unreadable. He didn’t say anything.
我慢慢地、很不情愿地转过身来。我不想心里又泛起自己很清楚的那种每当看到他那过于完美的脸庞时的感觉。我终于转过身朝着他时，脸上的表情十分谨慎；而他的表情有点不可捉摸。他一句话也没有说。
“What? Are you speaking to me again?” I finally asked, an unintentional note of petulance in my voice.
“怎么？你又和我说话了吗”我终于开口问道，声音里带着一丝并非有意的任性。
I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly through my nose, aware that I was gritting my teeth. He waited.
我闭上眼睛，鼻子慢慢地吸着气，意识到自己在咬牙切齿了。他在等着我开口。
His lips twitched, fighting a smile. “No, not really,” he admitted.
他的嘴唇动了动，努力挤出一丝笑容“不，其实不是”他承认道。
“Then what do you want, Edward?” I asked, keeping my eyes closed; it was easier to talk to him coherently that way.
“那么你想要怎样，爱德华”我问道，眼睛依然闭着；这样更容易比较连贯地跟他说话。
“For not just letting that stupid van squish me.”
“后悔没有让那辆愚蠢的货车把我压扁啊”
“Regret?” The word, and my tone, obviously caught him off guard. “Regret for what?”
“后悔”这个词语，还有我的语气，显然让他不再满心戒备了“后悔什么”
I turned my head sharply away from him, clenching my jaw against all the wild accusations I wanted to hurl at him. I gathered my books together, then stood and walked to the door. I meant to sweep dramatically out of the room, but of course I caught the toe of my boot on the door jamb and dropped my books. I stood there for a moment, thinking about leaving them. Then I sighed and bent to pick them up. He was there; he’d already stacked them into a pile. He handed them to me, his face hard.
我猛地把头别到一边，咬紧了牙关，把一大堆本来想指责他的话都忍下了。我收起书本，然后站起身来，朝门口走去。我本来想大模大样地走出教室，可是不出例外，我靴子的尖头绊到了门框边上，手里的书也掉到地上了。我在那里站了一会儿，想着就让这些书躺在那里得了。可接下来我还是叹了口气，弯腰把它们都拣了起来。他在那里；他已经把书都码成了一摞。他把书递给我，一脸的冷淡。
“It’s too bad you didn’t figure that out earlier,” I hissed through my teeth. “You could have saved yourself all this regret.”
“之前你没有琢磨出这一点来，真是太不幸了”我从牙缝里挤出这么一句来“你本来可以完全用不着这样后悔的”
My eyes narrowed. I’d heard that before.
我把眼睛眯了起来。以前也听过这句话。
“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, my voice guarded.
“我不明白你的意思”我说道，声音十分警惕。
“It’s better if we’re not friends,” he explained. “Trust me.”
“如果我俩不做朋友会更好”他解释道“相信我”
I opened my eyes. His face was very serious.
我睁开了眼睛。他一脸的严肃。
“I know you do,” I snapped.
“我知道你在后悔”我的声音也大了起来。
He was astonished. He stared at me in disbelief.
他愣住了。一脸怀疑地盯着我。
When he finally spoke, he almost sounded mad. “You think I regret saving your life?”
等他终于开口讲话时，听起来几乎像是疯了一样“你认为我后悔救了你的命吗”
“You don’t know anything.” He was definitely mad.
“你什么都不知道”毫无疑问，他都气疯了。
“I’m sorry.” He sounded sincere. “I’m being very rude, I know. But it’s better this way, really.”
“我很抱歉”他听起来还算诚恳“我知道自己表现得比较粗鲁。可这样才会更好，真的”
“Thank you,” I said icily.
“谢谢你”我冷冷地说道。
I almost had a stroke when I rounded the corner and saw a tall, dark figure leaning against the side of my truck. Then I realized it was just Eric. I started walking again.
我拐过拐角处，见到一个高大的黑色身影靠在我的车上，吓得我几乎突发心脏病。后来，我认出来了不过是埃里克，我才又开始挪步。
“You’re welcome,” he retorted.
“不用客气”他回了我一句。
His eyes narrowed.
他眯起了眼睛。
“Hey, Eric,” I called.
“嘿，埃里克”我招呼道。
I straightened up swiftly, turned away from him again, and stalked off to Gym without looking back.
我迅速站起身，再一次转过身子，大步朝体育馆走去，没再回头看一下。
It was a relief, as always, to leave. I almost ran to the truck; there were just so many people I wanted to avoid. The truck had suffered only minimal damage in the accident. I’d had to replace the taillights, and if I’d had a real paint job, I would have touched that up. Tyler’s parents had to sell their van for parts.
离开，正如往常一样，是一种解脱。我几乎是一路跑到了我的卡车边上；没想到有那么多的人我想要避开。卡车在那次事故中只受到了很轻微的损坏。我得换尾灯，要是我真干过油漆工的话，我会把漆给补一下。泰勒的父母只好把他们的那辆客货两用车当废铜烂铁给卖掉了。
Gym was brutal. We’d moved on to basketball. My team never passed me the ball, so that was good, but I fell down a lot. Sometimes I took people with me. Today I was worse than usual because my head was so filled with Edward. I tried to concentrate on my feet, but he kept creeping back into my thoughts just when I really needed my balance.
体育课很残忍。我们改学篮球了。我的队友从没给我传过球，这还算不错，可我还是摔倒了很多次。有时还把别人也带倒了。今天我表现得比往常还要糟糕，因为我满脑子想的都是爱德华。我努力将注意力集中到自己的双脚上，但赶上我真正需要平衡的时候，他又总是潜回到我的脑海中来。
“Uh, I was just wondering… if you would go to the spring dance with me?” His voice broke on the last word.
“呃，我只是在想…你愿不愿意跟我一起去参加春季舞会”他说到最后一个字的时候都声如蚊蚋了。
“Hi, Bella.”
“嗨，贝拉”
“I thought it was girls” choice,” I said, too startled to be diplomatic.
“我想是女孩子说了算吧”我惊讶得口不择言了。
“Well, yeah,” he admitted, shamefaced.
“唔，对”他承认道，一脸的羞愧。
“What’s up?” I said as I was unlocking the door. I wasn’t paying attention to the uncomfortable edge in his voice, so his next words took me by surprise.
“什么事儿”我边开门边问。我没有注意到他语气中的不自在，所以他的下一句话令我大吃了一惊。
“Oh,” he said. “Well, maybe next time.”
“哦”他说“嗯，也许下次吧”
I recovered my composure and tried to make my smile warm. “Thank you for asking me, but I’m going to be in Seattle that day.”
我恢复了镇静，想尽力笑得温暖一些“谢谢你邀请我呀，可那天我打算去西雅图”
“Sure,” I agreed, and then bit my lip. I wouldn’t want him to take that too literally.
“一定”我同意道，然后咬住了嘴唇。我不希望他把我的话理解得太死了。
He slouched off, back toward the school. I heard a low chuckle.
他垂头丧气地走开，回学校去了。我听见了一声吃吃的暗笑声。
Edward was walking past the front of my truck, looking straight forward, his lips pressed together. I yanked the door open and jumped inside, slamming it loudly behind me. I revved the engine deafeningly and reversed out into the aisle. Edward was in his car already, two spaces down, sliding out smoothly in front of me, cutting me off. He stopped there — to wait for his family; I could see the four of them walking this way, but still by the cafeteria. I considered taking out the rear of his shiny Volvo, but there were too many witnesses. I looked in my rearview mirror. A line was beginning to form. Directly behind me, Tyler Crowley was in his recently acquired used Sentra, waving. I was too aggravated to acknowledge him.
爱德华正打我的车前经过，眼睛盯着正前方，抿着嘴。我猛一把拉开了车门，跳了上去，随手砰地一声又把车门带上了。我猛踩了一脚油门，轰得发动机山响，然后倒出来上了出口通道。爱德华已经上了车，距我两个车位，稳稳当当地将车溜到了我的前面，把我给挡住了。他停在了那里，等他们家的其他几个；我看见他们四个正朝这边走来，但不过才到自助餐厅那里。我恨不得把他那辆亮闪闪的沃尔沃的屁股撞成个稀巴烂，可惜边上的人太多了。我看了一眼后视镜，后面已经排起了长队。紧接在我后面的是泰勒·克劳利，他坐在自己最近新买的一辆二手森特拉上向我挥手。我当时正在气头上，全当没看见，没有理他。
“I’m sorry, Tyler, I’m stuck behind Cullen.” I was annoyed — obviously the holdup wasn’t my fault.
“对不起，泰勒，我卡在卡伦后面了”我很烦——一看就知道，这堵车又不是我的错。
“I’m not going to be in town, Tyler.” My voice sounded a little sharp. I had to remember it wasn’t his fault that Mike and Eric had already used up my quota of patience for the day.
“我那时不在城里，泰勒”我的话听上去有些冲。我得记住这不是他的错，谁叫迈克和埃里克已经把我今天的耐心耗尽了呢。
Okay, it was completely his fault.
得了，这下就彻底是他的错了。
“Oh, I know — I just wanted to ask you something while we’re trapped here.” He grinned.
“噢，我知道——我不过是想趁我们堵在这儿的工夫，问你点儿事儿”他露齿笑道。
“Will you ask me to the spring dance?” he continued.
“你愿意请我参加春季舞会吗”他继续说道。
“Then why –“
“那你干吗——”
He shrugged. “I was hoping you were just letting him down easy.”
他耸了耸肩“我以为你只不过是在委婉地拒绝他”
While I was sitting there, looking everywhere but at the car in front of me, I heard a knock on my passenger side window. I looked over; it was Tyler. I glanced back in my rearview mirror, confused. His car was still running, the door left open. I leaned across the cab to crank the window down. It was stiff. I got it halfway down, then gave up.
我坐在车上等的时候，四下张望着，唯独就是没有看前面的那辆车，我听见有人敲了一下副驾驶那一侧的车窗。我一看，是泰勒。我又看了一眼后视镜，怔住了。他的车没熄火，开着车门。我侧着身子够过去，想把车窗摇下来。可是很紧，我摇了一半，就放弃了。
This could not be happening.
这倒是有点儿出乎我的意料。
“Yeah, Mike said that,” he admitted.
“是，我听迈克说过了”他承认道。
“Sorry, Tyler,” I said, working to hide my irritation. “I really am going out of town.”
“对不起，泰勒”我说，竭力掩饰住自己的愤怒“我真的要出城去”
But they were all in, and Edward was speeding away. I drove home slowly, carefully, muttering to myself the whole way.
可他们全都已经坐上去了，爱德华便飞速把车开走了。我降低车速，小心地开回了家，一路上都在喃喃自语。
And before I could respond, he was walking back to his car. I could feel the shock on my face.
我还没来得及回话，他已经在回自己车上去的路上了。我能感觉到我脸上的震惊。
“That’s cool. We still have prom.”
“那好。我们还有班级舞会”
When I got home, I decided to make chicken enchiladas for dinner. It was a long process, and it would keep me busy. While I was simmering the onions and chilies, the phone rang. I was almost afraid to answer it, but it might be Charlie or my mom.
到家后，我决定晚饭做鸡肉馅玉米卷饼吃。这个要花很长的时间才能做好，而且不会让我闲着。当我炖大葱和辣椒的时候，电话响了。我差点儿不敢接，不过也许是查理或妈妈打来的。
I looked forward to see Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper all sliding into the Volvo. In his rearview mirror, Edward’s eyes were on me. He was unquestionably shaking with laughter, as if he’d heard every word Tyler had said. My foot itched toward the gas pedal… one little bump wouldn’t hurt any of them, just that glossy silver paint job. I revved the engine.
我盼着看到爱丽丝、罗莎莉、埃美特和贾斯帕全塞到沃尔沃里面去。爱德华在从后视镜里看我。无疑，他笑得浑身都在哆嗦了，给人的感觉是他听见了泰勒刚才说的每一个字。我的脚直痒痒，想踩一脚油门…稍微撞一下，伤不着他们，顶多也就是把那光亮夺目的银色漆蹭掉一块呗。我把发动机的转速提上来了。
It was Jessica, and she was jubilant; Mike had caught her after school to accept her invitation. I celebrated with her briefly while I stirred. She had to go, she wanted to call Angela and Lauren to tell them. I suggested — with casual innocence — that maybe Angela, the shy girl who had Biology with me, could ask Eric. And Lauren, a standoffish girl who had always ignored me at the lunch table, could ask Tyler; I’d heard he was still available. Jess thought that was a great idea. Now that she was sure of Mike, she actually sounded sincere when she said she wished I would go to the dance. I gave her my Seattle excuse.
是杰西卡，而且她很兴高采烈；迈克放学后截住了她，接受了她的邀请。我一边搅着锅里一边向她简短地表示了祝贺。她得挂断了，她想给安吉拉和劳伦打电话把这个消息告诉她们。我漫不经心地建议道，或许安吉拉，那个生物学和我同班的腼腆女孩可以邀请埃里克，还有劳伦，那个有点冷淡，午餐桌上老不搭理我的女孩可以邀请泰勒；我听说他还没有受到邀请。杰西认为那是个极妙的主意。由于迈克已经十拿九稳了，所以她说到希望我去参加舞会时，说实在的，语气听上去很真诚。我以要去西雅图为借口搪塞过去了。
My stomach twisted as I realized what he must have meant. He must see how absorbed I was by him; he must not want to lead me on… so we couldn’t even be friends… because he wasn’t interested in me at all.
领悟到了他肯定是指的什么后，我差点恶心得要吐了。他肯定以为我让他给弄得神魂颠倒了；他肯定不想引诱我…所以连朋友也不能做…因为他对我没有丝毫的意思。
Of course he wasn’t interested in me, I thought angrily, my eyes stinging — a delayed reaction to the onions. I wasn’t interesting. And he was. Interesting… and brilliant… and mysterious… and perfect… and beautiful… and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand.
没错，他对我是没意思，我生气地想道，双眼火辣辣的疼——对洋葱刺激的延迟反应。我没有意思，他有。有意思…才华横溢…神秘莫测…完美无缺…仪表堂堂…而且可能还能够单手举起大型客货两用车。
Well, that was fine. I could leave him alone. I would leave him alone. I would get through my self-imposed sentence here in purgatory, and then hopefully some school in the Southwest, or possibly Hawaii, would offer me a scholarship. I focused my thoughts on sunny beaches and palm trees as I finished the enchiladas and put them in the oven.
唉，那很好。我可以不理会他。我还不愿意理会他呢。我将在这个炼狱里服完我自愿服的刑，然后西南，或许是夏威夷的某个学校，很可能愿意给我提供奖学金。做完肉馅玉米卷饼，把它们放进烤箱的时候，我满脑子想着的都是阳光灿烂的海滩和棕榈树。
After I hung up, I tried to concentrate on dinner — dicing the chicken especially; I didn’t want to take another trip to the emergency room. But my head was spinning, trying to analyze every word Edward had spoken today. What did he mean, it was better if we weren’t friends?
挂断电话后，我试图专心做晚饭——特别是切鸡丁；我不想第二次进急救室。可是我的脑袋在一个劲儿地转，试图把爱德华今天所说的每一个字都分析一遍。他究竟什么意思，倘若我们不是朋友更好？
“Yeah, Bella?”
“贝拉，什么事儿”
Charlie seemed suspicious when he came home and smelled the green peppers. I couldn’t blame him — the closest edible Mexican food was probably in southern California. But he was a cop, even if just a small-town cop, so he was brave enough to take the first bite. He seemed to like it. It was fun to watch as he slowly began trusting me in the kitchen.
查理回来闻到了青椒味道时，似乎有些不敢相信。这也不能怪他——可以吃到的墨西哥食物最近的很可能也在南加利福尼亚。不过他是个警察，虽然只是一个小镇上的警察，所以吃第一口，这点儿勇气他还是有的。他似乎还很喜欢吃。看到他慢慢开始信得过我下厨房的那点儿本事了，真是很有趣。
“Dad?” I asked when he was almost done.
“爸”他快吃完的时候我说道。
“Why?” He sounded surprised, as if he were unable to imagine something that Forks couldn’t offer.
“去那儿干吗”他好像很惊讶，似乎他想象不出来有什么东西是福克斯所买不到的。
“Um, I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to Seattle for the day a week from Saturday… if that’s okay?” I didn’t want to ask permission — it set a bad precedent — but I felt rude, so I tacked it on at the end.
“唔，我只是想跟您说一声，下个周六我打算去西雅图…如果可以的话”我没想征得他的同意——开了一个不好的头——可觉得又太不像话了，于是在后面补了那半句。
“That truck probably doesn’t get very good gas mileage,” he said, echoing my thoughts.
“那辆车油耗方面可能不是很好”他跟我想到一块儿去了。
“Well, I wanted to get few books — the library here is pretty limited — and maybe look at some clothes.” I had more money than I was used to having, since, thanks to Charlie, I hadn’t had to pay for a car. Not that the truck didn’t cost me quite a bit in the gas department.
“噢，我想买几本新书——这儿的图书馆藏书很有限——也许还要看几件衣服”我手上的钱多得都有些不习惯了，因为，多亏了查理，我没有非得自己掏钱买车不可。但这并不是说，这车加油少花了我的钱。
“Will you be back in time for the dance?”
“你会赶回来参加舞会吗”
He did understand. “Oh, that’s right,” he realized.
他倒也确实明白“哦，也是”他意识到了。
I tried to be crafty as I hid my horror.
我一边掩饰我的恐惧，一边尽力花言巧语。
“That’s all right, Dad, I’ll probably just be in dressing rooms all day — very boring.”
“好啊，爸，只是我很有可能整天待在试衣间里哟——很没劲的”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“要不要我跟你一起去”
Grrr. Only in a town this small would a father know when the high school dances were.
真气人。也只有在这样的小镇，做父母的才会连高中什么时候开舞会都知道。
“Are you going all by yourself?” he asked, and I couldn’t tell if he was suspicious I had a secret boyfriend or just worried about car trouble.
“你一个人去吗”他问，我说不上来他是怀疑我偷偷谈了男朋友呢，还是只是担心车子出问题。
“Thanks.” I smiled at him.
“谢谢”我冲他笑了笑。
“I know, I’ll stop in Montesano and Olympia — and Tacoma if I have to.”
“我知道，我会在蒙特萨诺和奥林匹亚停一停——如果必要的话，还会在塔科马停一下”
“Seattle is a big city — you could get lost,” he fretted.
“西雅图是个大城市——你弄不好会迷路的”他有点儿发愁。
“Oh, okay.” The thought of sitting in women’s clothing stores for any period of time immediately put him off.
“哦，那好”一想到在女式服装店里一待就不知会有多久，他立刻就打退堂鼓了。
“Dad, Phoenix is five times the size of Seattle — and I can read a map, don’t worry about it.”
“爸，凤凰城有西雅图五个大——而且我会看地图，别担心那个”
The next morning, when I pulled into the parking lot, I deliberately parked as far as possible from the silver Volvo. I didn’t want to put myself in the path of too much temptation and end up owing him a new car. Getting out of the cab, I fumbled with my key and it fell into a puddle at my feet. As I bent to get it, a white hand flashed out and grabbed it before I could. I jerked upright. Edward Cullen was right next to me, leaning casually against my truck.
第二天早上，进了停车场以后，我故意把车停到了离那辆银色沃尔沃尽可能远的地方。我可不想自己找罪受，弄得手痒痒的，落个要赔人家一辆新车的下场。从驾驶室出来，我笨手笨脚地摸钥匙，不想它掉进了我脚下的一滩积水里。正当我弯腰去捡的时候，忽然闪出一只白净的手，先我一步捡到了手。我猛地直起了身子。爱德华·卡伦就紧挨在我身边，漫不经心地靠在我车上。
“No — I don’t dance, Dad.” He, of all people, should understand that — I didn’t get my balance problems from my mother.
“不——您啥时候见过我跳舞的，爸”他应该比谁都明白，我平衡能力差可不是妈妈遗传的。
“Yes.”
“对”
Anger flashed in his tawny eyes. His lips pressed into a hard line, all signs of humor gone.
他黄褐色的眼睛里闪现了愤怒的神色，嘴巴咬得紧紧的，所有的幽默劲儿都不见了。
“So you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler’s van didn’t do the job?”
“这么说你是想把我活活气死？因为泰勒的车没把我撞死”
“Appear out of thin air.”
“神出鬼没的，说冒出来就冒出来了”
I scowled at his perfect face. His eyes were light again today, a deep, golden honey color. Then I had to look down, to reassemble my now-tangled thoughts.
我瞪眼怒视着他那完美无暇的脸。今天他的眼睛又亮了，是一种很深的蜜褐色。然后我只好低下头，重新去捋一捋此时已经乱作一团的思路。
“Do what?” He held my key out as he spoke. As I reached for it, he dropped it into my palm.
“做到什么”他边说边把钥匙摊在了手上。我正要伸手去拿的时候，他一松手，让它掉进了我的手掌里。
“How do you do that?” I asked in amazed irritation.
“你怎么做到的”我又惊又气地问道。
“And I’m not pretending you don’t exist,” he continued.
“我可没有装着不知道你在哟”他继续道。
“That was for Tyler’s sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance.” He snickered.
“那可是为了泰勒的缘故，不是为了我哟。我不得不给他一个机会”他暗笑道。
“Bella, it’s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant.” His voice was quiet as usual — velvet, muted.
“贝拉，这可不能怪我哟，谁叫你这么不小心呢”他的声音和平常一样轻——轻得像绒毛似的，好像没有出声似的。
“Why the traffic jam last night?” I demanded, still looking away. “I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don’t exist, not irritating me to death.”
“昨晚塞车是怎么回事”我问，依旧望着一边“我看你是在装着没看见我在你后面，这没把我给气死”
“You…” I gasped. I couldn’t think of a bad enough word. It felt like the heat of my anger should physically burn him, but he only seemed more amused.
“你…”我气吁吁地说道。我想不出可以形容他坏的词儿来了。我觉得我的怒火都可以把他烧冒烟了，可他似乎只是觉得更好笑了。
I sighed. “Fine then. What do you want to ask?”
我叹了口气说道“那么好吧，你想要问什么”
“I was wondering if, a week from Saturday — you know, the day of the spring dance –“
“我是在想，下个周六——你知道的，春季舞会那天—”
His eyes were wickedly amused. “Will you please allow me to finish?”
他的两眼里闪着顽皮的笑意“能不能请你让我把话说完”
“I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me,” he chuckled. He seemed to have recovered his good humor.
“我是想问你点儿事情，可你把我的思路给岔开了”他嘿嘿笑道。他的幽默劲儿似乎又找回来了。
My palms tingled — I wanted so badly to hit something. I was surprised at myself. I was usually a nonviolent person. I turned my back and started to walk away.
我的双手都在发抖了——恨不得揍什么东西几拳。我惊讶自己这是怎么啦。我平常可不是一个喜欢动粗的人。我背过身去走开了。
“Why won’t you leave me alone?” I grumbled.
“你干吗老缠着我不放啊”我嘟囔道。
“Bella, you are utterly absurd,” he said, his low voice cold.
“贝拉，你真是荒唐至极”他说道，低低的声音很冷淡。
“Are you trying to be funny?” I interrupted him, wheeling toward him. My face got drenched as I looked up at his expression.
“你是想拿我寻开心”我打断了他的话，同时冲着他转过身来。我抬起头瞅他的表情时，脸让雨淋了个透。
“Wait,” he called. I kept walking, sloshing angrily through the rain. But he was next to me, easily keeping pace.
“等等”他在后面叫我。我没有停，而是溅着泥水，在雨中继续往前走。可他又在我身边了，轻松地跟上了我的步伐。
“Do you have a multiple personality disorder?” I asked severely.
“你是不是有多重人格障碍呀”我严肃地问道。
“I’m sorry, that was rude,” he said as we walked. I ignored him. “I’m not saying it isn’t true,” he continued, “but it was rude to say it, anyway.”
“对不起，刚才太粗鲁了”他边走边说。我没有理睬他“我不是在说那不是真的”他继续道“可不管怎样，那样说太难听了”
“You’re doing it again.”
“你又来了”
“I don’t see how that is any of your business.” Stupid, shiny Volvo owner.
“我看不出这关你什么事儿”蠢货，这个开闪亮的沃尔沃的家伙。
That was unexpected.
这倒是出乎意料。
“Myself, obviously.” He enunciated every syllable, as if he were talking to someone mentally handicapped.
“显然是搭我的呗”他一字一顿说得清清楚楚的，仿佛是在跟某个弱智的人说话似的。
I was still stunned. “Why?”
我还是有点儿晕乎“为什么”
“Do you want a ride to Seattle?”
“你想不想搭便车去西雅图”
“My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern.” I started to walk again, but I was too surprised to maintain the same level of anger.
“我的车况好着呢，谢谢你的关心”说完我又开始走起来，不过我太惊讶了，没有能保持住刚才样的愤怒。
“With who?” I asked, mystified.
“搭谁的”我迷惑不解地问道。
“I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride.”
“我听说你那天打算去西雅图，我想知道你想不想搭便车”
“Honestly, Edward.” I felt a thrill go through me as I said his name, and I hated it. “I can’t keep up with you. I thought you didn’t want to be my friend.”
“老实说，爱德华”我说到他的名字时，觉得就像触了电一样，我讨厌这种感觉“你的话我怎么听不明白呀，我刚刚还以为你不想做我的朋友呢”
“What?” I wasn’t sure what he was getting at.
“什么”我拿不准他说这话是啥意思。
“Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I’m not sure if your truck can make it.”
“噢，我计划接下来的几周去西雅图的，而且，说实话，我对你的车能不能跑到西雅图心里没谱”
“But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?” He matched my pace again.
“可你的车一箱油能跑到吗”他又合上了我的步伐。
“The wasting of finite resources is everyone’s business.”
“浪费有限的资源，关每个人的事儿”
I bit my lip and clasped my hands together, interlocking my fingers, so I couldn’t do anything rash.
我咬住嘴唇，两手十指交叉抱在一起，以免做出鲁莽的事情来。
His eyes were gloriously intense as he uttered that last sentence, his voice smoldering. I couldn’t remember how to breathe.
他说最后那句话的时候，两眼充满了极大的热情，声音中流露出了难以抑制的感情。我都不记得怎样呼吸了。
“It would be more… prudent for you not to be my friend,” he explained. “But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella.”
“你不做我的朋友会更…更慎重一些”他解释说“可是我已经厌倦了，不想再克制自己不跟你接近了，贝拉”
“I said it would be better if we weren’t friends, not that I didn’t want to be.”
“我是说过倘若我们不做朋友会更好一些，但并不是我不想啊”
“Oh, thanks, now that’s all cleared up.” Heavy sarcasm. I realized I had stopped walking again. We were under the shelter of the cafeteria roof now, so I could more easily look at his face. Which certainly didn’t help my clarity of thought.
“哦，谢谢，现在一切都清楚了”天大的讽刺，我意思到自己又停下了脚步。这时我们已经在自助餐厅的屋檐下了，所以我看他的脸更容易了。当然，这对于理清我的思绪帮不了多少忙。
I couldn’t speak yet, so I just nodded. He smiled briefly, and then his face became serious.
我还说不出话来，所以只点了点头。
“Will you go with me to Seattle?” he asked, still intense.
“你愿意和我一起去西雅图吗”他问，依然很热切。
“You really should stay away from me,” he warned. “I’ll see you in class.”
他笑了笑，紧接着脸色就严肃起来了“你真的应该离我远点儿的”他警告说“上课见”
He turned abruptly and walked back the way we’d come.
他突然转身往回走了。
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