He had turned the radio to an oldies station, and he sang along with a song I’d never heard. He knew every line.
他打开了收音机，转到一个老歌电台，然后跟着一首我从未听过的歌唱了起来。他知道每一个节拍。
“Does it matter much?” His smile, to my relief, remained unclouded.
“这很重要吗？”让我宽慰的是，他的笑容依然明朗。
He could drive well, when he kept the speed reasonable, I had to admit. Like so many things, it seemed to be effortless to him. He barely looked at the road, yet the tires never deviated so much as a centimeter from the center of the lane. He drove one-handed, holding my hand on the seat. Sometimes he gazed into the setting sun, sometimes he glanced at me — my face, my hair blowing out the open window, our hands twined together.
当他把速度保持在合理水平时，他确实可以开得很好，我不得不承认这一点。就像很多事情一样，这似乎对他来说毫不费力。他很少看路面，轮胎却从未偏离过小路的正中间，一公分也没有偏离过。他单手开着车，在座位上牵着我的手。有时候他会抬头看向正在落下的太阳，有时他会看着我——我的脸，我飘拂在敞开的车窗外的头发，我们交叠的手。
“You like fifties music?” I asked.
“你喜欢五十年代的音乐？”我问道。
“Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?” I asked, tentative, not wanting to upset his buoyant humor.
“你打算告诉我你多大了吗？”我试探性问道，不想打破他正在兴头上的幽默气氛。
“Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!” He shuddered. “The eighties were bearable.”
“五十年代的音乐很棒。比六十年代的，或者七十年代的还要棒，唷！”他颤抖了一下。“八十年代的还能忍受。”
“No, but I still wonder…” I grimaced. “There’s nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night.”
“不，但我还是想知道…”我扮了个鬼脸。“没有什么能像一个未解之谜一样让你整夜睡不着觉。”
“I wonder if it will upset you,” he reflected to himself. He gazed into the sun; the minutes passed.
“我怀疑这是否会让你心烦。”他的回应更像是自言自语。他看着太阳，时间一分一秒地过去了。
He sighed, and then looked into my eyes, seeming to forget the road completely for a time. Whatever he saw there must have encouraged him. He looked into the sun — the light of the setting orb glittered off his skin in ruby-tinged sparkles — and spoke.
他叹息着，然后看向了我的眼睛，那一刻他似乎完全忘记了路况。不管他看见了什么，那一定鼓励了他。他看向太阳——那个正在落下的球体发出的光芒在他的肌肤上闪耀着，折射出略带深红色的微光——然后说话了。
“Try me,” I finally said.
“让我试试看。”我最终说道。
“I was born in Chicago in 1901.” He paused and glanced at me from the corner of his eyes. My face was carefully unsurprised, patient for the rest. He smiled a tiny smile and continued. “Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza.”
“我出生在1901年的芝加哥。”他停下来，用眼角的余光瞥着我。我的脸上是小心翼翼的毫不惊讶的神情，我耐心地等待着下文。他淡淡一笑，然后继续说道。“1918年的夏天，卡莱尔在一家医院里发现了我。我才十七岁，正因为西班牙流感而濒临死亡。”
“They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone.”
“他们都已经在这场瘟疫中死去了。我成了孤儿。这就是为什么他选择了我。在瘟疫流行的一片混乱中，没人会注意到我不见了。”
“I don’t remember it well — it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade.” He was lost in his thoughts for a short time before he went on. “I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It’s not an easy thing, not something you could forget.”
“我记不太清了——那是很久以前的事了，而人类的记忆总在褪色。”他陷入了沉思，片刻之后，接着说道。“我确实还记得，卡莱尔救我时的感觉。那不是件容易的事，不是你轻易可以忘掉的事。”
“Your parents?”
“你的父母呢？”
He heard my intake of breath, though it was barely audible to my own ears. He looked down into my eyes again.
他听见了我倒抽一口冷气的声音，尽管这声音小得几乎只有我自己能听见。他低下头，再次看着我的眼睛。
“How did he… save you?”
“他是怎样…救你的？”
A few seconds passed before he answered. He seemed to choose his words carefully.
几分钟后，他才回答了我的问题。他似乎在谨慎地选择着字眼。
I could tell from the set of his lips, he would say no more on this subject. I suppressed my curiosity, though it was far from idle. There were many things I needed to think through on this particular issue, things that were only beginning to occur to me. No doubt his quick mind had already comprehended every aspect that eluded me.
我能从他的口吻看出，他不会再说更多关于这个话题的内容了。我按捺住自己的好奇，尽管它远没有消停下来。对于这个特殊的问题我还有很多事情需要考虑，而这些事情才刚刚闯入我的脑海。毫无疑问，他敏捷的头脑已经理解了困扰着我的每一个方面。
“It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us… I don’t think you could find his equal throughout all of history.” He paused. “For me, it was merely very, very painful.”
“这很困难。我们中没几个人有足够的自制力来做到这件事。但卡莱尔总是我们之中最人道的，最慈悲的那个…我不认为你能在整个人类历史中找到可与他相提并论的人。”他顿了顿。“但对我来说，整个过程都仅仅是非常，非常的痛苦。”
His soft voice interrupted my thoughts. “He acted from loneliness. That’s usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle’s family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating.”
他柔和的声音打断了我的思路：“他是出于寂寞才这样做的。这通常是他作出选择的原因。我是第一个加入卡莱尔的家族的，虽然不久以后他就发现了埃斯梅。她从悬崖上跳了下来。人们径直把她送到了医院的太平间，虽然不知怎的，她的心脏还在跳动。”
“Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn’t realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him — he was careful with his thoughts around me.” He rolled his eyes.
“接着卡莱尔把罗莎莉带进了我们的家族。很久以后我才了解到，他希望她能和我在一起，就像埃斯梅和他一样——他很小心，从不在我周围想这件事。”他转了转眼睛。
“So you must be dying, then, to become…” We never said the word, and I couldn’t frame it now.
“所以你必须处于濒死的状态，然后，才能变成…”我们从没说过这个词，我不知道该怎么描述它。
“And Emmett and Rosalie?”
“然后是埃美特和罗莎莉？”
“No, that’s just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice.” The respect in his voice was profound whenever he spoke of his father figure. “It is easier he says, though,” he continued, “if the blood is weak.” He looked at the now-dark road, and I could feel the subject closing again.
“不，这只是卡莱尔的做法。只要那人还有别的选择，他就绝不会这样做。”无论何时他提到他的父亲，他话语里的敬意总是那么的深厚。“不过，他说这样确实会更容易些。”他继续说道。“如果气血很虚的话。”他看着现在漆黑一片的路面，我能感觉到，这个话题又到此为止了。
“But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting — we were in Appalachia at the time — and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn’t be able to do it herself. I’m only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her.” He threw a pointed glance in my direction, and raised our hands, still folded together, to brush my cheek with the back of his hand.
“但对我来说，她只是一个妹妹。仅仅过了两年，她找到了埃美特。她正在狩猎——那时我们住在阿巴拉契亚山区——发现一只熊正要把他干掉。她背着他跑了一百多英里，回来找卡莱尔，她怕自己做不来这件事。我现在才想到，这段旅途对她来说是多么的不易。”他直率地瞥了一眼我的方向，然后拿起我们的手，依然紧握着，用他的手背轻抚着我的脸颊。
“But she made it,” I encouraged, looking away from the unbearable beauty of his eyes.
“但她做到了。”我鼓励着，别开脸不去看他那双美得无法承受的眼睛。
“Yes,” he murmured. “She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they’ve been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school.” He laughed. “I suppose we’ll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again.”
“是的，”他喃喃低语道。“她从他脸上看到了某种东西，这让她足够坚强。从那以后他们就在一起了。有时候他们不和我们一起住，就像一对结了婚的夫妇一样。但我们装得越年轻，我们就能在选中的地方待越久。福克斯很不错，所以我们都进了高中。”他大笑起来。“我猜再过几年我们又得参加他们的婚礼了。”
“Alice and Jasper?”
“爱丽丝和贾斯帕？”
“Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another… family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind.”
“爱丽丝和贾斯帕是两个非常特别的个体。他们都在没有任何外界指导的情况下养成了我们所欣赏的那种道德心。贾斯帕属于另一个…家族，一个非常不一样的家族。他变得沮丧起来，于是开始独自流浪。爱丽丝发现了他。和我一样，她拥有着一种基于但又超越了我们个人特质的天赋。”
“That’s true. She knows other things. She sees things — things that might happen, things that are coming. But it’s very subjective. The future isn’t set in stone. Things change.”
“那是事实。她通晓的是另一些事情。她能看见一些事——一些可能会发生的事物，一些正要到来的事物。但这非常地主观。未来并不是一成不变的。事物都是变化发展的。”
“Really?” I interrupted, fascinated. “But you said you were the only one who could hear people’s thoughts.”
“真的？”我打断了他的话，有些着迷。“可你说过你是唯一一个能听到别人的思想的人。”
“She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She’s most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose.”
“她看见了贾斯帕，知道在他知道她的存在以前，他就在寻找着她了。她看到了卡莱尔和我们的家族，所以他们一起来找我们。她对非人为的事情最为敏感。她总在看着，例如，当另一伙我们的同类靠近时。还有任何他们可能带来的威胁。”
“What kinds of things does she see?”
“她看见了什么样的事情。”
“Are there a lot of… your kind?” I was surprised. How many of them could walk among us undetected?
“有很多…你的同类吗？”我太吃惊了。有多少他们这样的人在我们中行走而不被察觉呢？
His jaw set when he said that, and his eyes darted to my face and away so quickly that I wasn’t sure if I only imagined it.
当他说到这里时，他的下巴一紧，他的眼睛飞快地瞥了一眼我的脸又移开了。这一切太快了，我不敢肯定是否是我自己想象出来的。
“No, not many. But most won’t settle in any one place. Only those like us, who’ve given up hunting you people” — a sly glance in my direction — “can live together with humans for any length of time. We’ve only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live… differently tend to band together.”
“不，不是很多。但大多数不会定居下来。只有那些和我们一样，放弃了猎食你们人类”——他羞愧地看了我一眼——“能多多少少和人类共居。我们只发现了一个像我们这样的家族，他们住在阿拉斯加的一个小村落里。我们一起住过一段时间，但我们这么多人住在一起太引人注目了。那些生活方式和我们…很不一样的同类倾向于联合起来。”
“And the others?”
“另一些人是？”
“Nomads, for the most part. We’ve all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North.”
“游牧者，大多数情况下是这样。我们有时候会这样生活。这样的生活很乏味，和别的事情一样。但我们时不时会碰见别的同类，因为我们中的大多数人更喜欢北方。”
We were parked in front of my house now, and he’d turned off the truck. It was very quiet and dark; there was no moon. The porch light was off so I knew my father wasn’t home yet.
现在我们把车停在了我家前，他已经把卡车的引擎关掉了。外面非常安静，非常黑，月亮没有出来。门廊的灯关着，所以我知道我爸爸还没到家。
“Why is that?”
“为什么会这样呢？”
“Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?” he teased. “Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There’s a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It’s nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn’t believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years.”
“你今天下午没有睁开眼睛吗？”他揶揄道。“你认为我能在洒满阳光的街道上行走而不引发任何交通事故吗。这正是我们选择奥林匹亚半岛的缘故，这里几乎是世界上阳光最不充足的地方。在白天能够到外面去是件很棒的事。你不会相信，在这八十多年里你会多么地厌倦夜晚。”
“So that’s where the legends came from?”
“所以这就是那种传说的来源？”
“Probably.”
“很有可能。”
“And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?”
“而爱丽丝来自另一个家族，就像贾斯帕一样？”
“No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn’t remember her human life at all. And she doesn’t know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn’t had that other sense, if she hadn’t seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage.”
“不，这一切还是个谜。爱丽丝完全不记得她还是人类时的生活。她也不知道是谁创造了她。她独自醒来。转变她的人已经走了。我们都不能理解为什么，或者，他是怎么能做到的。如果不是她拥有第六感，如果她没有看到贾斯帕和卡莱尔，知道她终有一日将成为我们中的一员，她也许早就变成了一个彻底的未开化的原始人了。”
“Can’t I come in?” he asked.
“我不能进去吗？”他问道。
“It’s definitely resurfacing.”
“这只是表面工夫。”
“I’ve never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget.”
“我从没和需要吃东西的人一起度过这么长的时间。我忘了。”
“Very human,” I complimented him.
“很像人类。”我恭维他。
“Yes, if it’s all right.” I heard the door close quietly, and almost simultaneously he was outside my door, opening it for me.
“是的，如果可以的话。”我听到他那边的门安静地关上了，而几乎就在同一时刻，他出现在了我这一侧的门外，为我打开门。
There was so much to think through, so much I still wanted to ask. But, to my great embarrassment, my stomach growled. I’d been so intrigued, I hadn’t even noticed I was hungry. I realized now that I was ravenous.
我有太多的事情要思考，还有很多的问题要问。但是，让我尴尬不已的是，我的胃咆哮起来。我太好奇了，甚至没有注意到自己饿了。现在我才意识到，我已经饿坏了。
“I’m fine, really.”
“我很好，真的。”
“I’m sorry, I’m keeping you from dinner.”
“对不起，我一直没让你去吃晚餐。”
“Would you like to?” I couldn’t picture it, this godlike creature sitting in my father’s shabby kitchen chair.
“你愿意吗？”我根本想象不出这样的画面，这样宛如神祗的人物坐在我父亲那张破烂的餐椅上。
“I want to stay with you.” It was easier to say in the darkness, knowing as I spoke how my voice would betray me, my hopeless addiction to him.
“我只想和你待在一起。”在黑暗中这话更容易说出口。当我说的时候，我知道自己的声音会背叛我，把我绝望的迷恋向他表露无遗。
He walked beside me in the night, so quietly I had to peek at him constantly to be sure he was still there. In the darkness he looked much more normal. Still pale, still dreamlike in his beauty, but no longer the fantastic sparkling creature of our sunlit afternoon.
在这个夜晚，他静静地走在我身旁，他太安静了，以至于我不得不时不时偷看他，确认他还在那里。在黑暗中，他看起来更正常些。依然苍白，依然俊美得宛如梦境，但不再是我们的阳光灿烂的下午里，那个奇妙的闪闪发光的造物。
He reached the door ahead of me and opened it for me. I paused halfway through the frame.
他比我先走到门前，然后替我开了门。我正要跨进门框里，却半路停住了。
“The door was unlocked?”
“门没锁？”
“No, I used the key from under the eave.”
“不，我用的是屋檐下的钥匙。”
“I was curious about you.”
“我对你很好奇。”
I concentrated on getting my dinner, taking last night’s lasagna from the fridge, placing a square on a plate, heating it in the microwave. It revolved, filling the kitchen with the smell of tomatoes and oregano. I didn’t take my eyes from the plate of food as I spoke.
我集中精神准备自己的晚餐，从冰箱里拿出昨晚的意大利番茄汁宽面条，切下一方放在盘子里，微波炉加热。它旋转着，厨房里弥漫着番茄和洋葱的味道。当我说话的时候，我并没有把眼睛从那盘食物上移开。
“You spied on me?” But somehow I couldn’t infuse my voice with the proper outrage. I was flattered.
“你监视我？”但无论如何我都没法让自己的声音充满恰当的愤怒。我被过度奉承了。
He was unrepentant. “What else is there to do at night?”
他依然不知悔改。“夜里还能有别的事情可做吗？”
“How often?” I asked casually.
“多久一次？”我若无其事地问道。
I stepped inside, flicked on the porch light, and turned to look at him with my eyebrows raised. I was sure I’d never used that key in front of him.
我走进屋，打开门廊灯，然后转过身来扬起眉看着他。我很确定我从没在他面前用过那根钥匙。
I let it go for the moment and went down the hall to the kitchen. He was there before me, needing no guide. He sat in the very chair I’d tried to picture him in. His beauty lit up the kitchen. It was a moment before I could look away.
我暂时丢卡这个话题，穿过前厅走向厨房。他在我之前就到了那里，无需任何引导。他就坐在我在脑海里想象过的那张椅子里。他的俊美点亮了这间厨房。我花了一点时间才能把视线移开。
“I come here almost every night.”
“我几乎每天晚上都来这里。”
Instantly, silently, he was at my side, taking my hands carefully in his.
一转眼，他已经悄无声息地站到我身旁，双手小心地握住我的手。
“On?” he urged.
“基于？”他催促着。
“What you heard!” I wailed.
“你听到了什么！”我哀号道。
I still didn’t turn around. “How often did you come here?”
我还是没有转身。“你多久来这里一次？”
“You miss your mother,” he whispered. “You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it’s less often now. Once you said, ‘It’s too green.'” He laughed softly, hoping, I could see, not to offend me further.
“你很思念你的母亲。”他耳语道。“你在担心她。下雨的时候，那声音总让你休息不好。你原来常在说家里的事，但现在少多了。有一次你说，‘这里太绿了。’”他温和地笑着，期待着——我能看出来——不致于太过冒犯我。
“Hmmm?” He sounded as if I had pulled him from some other train of thought.
“呃嗯？”他听起来似乎在想别的事情，我的发问把他的思绪拉了回来。
He waited.
他等待着。
“No!” I gasped, heat flooding my face all the way to my hairline. I gripped the kitchen counter for support. I knew I talked in my sleep, of course; my mother teased me about it. I hadn’t thought it was something I needed to worry about here, though.
“不！”我喘着气说道，热血涌上了我的脸，一路冲到发际线上。我抓住流理台以稳住身子。我当然知道自己会说梦话，我母亲还为此取笑过我。但是，我从没想过这会是我需要担心的事情。
I whirled, stunned. “Why?”
我大为震撼，急忙转过身来。“为什么？”
“Don’t be upset!” he pleaded. He dropped his face to the level of my eyes, holding my gaze. I was embarrassed. I tried to look away.
“别生气！”他恳求道。他俯下脸，和我的眼睛落在同一水平线上，对上了我的目光。我很窘迫，想要移开视线。
“You’re interesting when you sleep.” He spoke matter-of-factly. “You talk.”
“你睡着的时候很有趣。”他实话实说。“你会说话。”
His expression shifted instantly to chagrin. “Are you very angry with me?”
他的神情立刻变得苦恼起来。“你很生我的气吗？”
“That depends!” I felt and sounded like I’d had the breath knocked out of me.
“那得看情况！”我感觉到，也能听到，我在大口大口地喘息着。
I sighed in defeat. “A lot?”
我挫败地叹息着。“经常？”
“Should your father know I’m here?” he asked.
“你父亲应该知道我在这里吗？”他问道。
“How much do you mean by ‘a lot,’ exactly?”
“更确切些，你的‘经常’是指多频繁？”
“Oh no!” I hung my head.
“哦不！”我垂下头。
“Don’t be self-conscious,” he whispered in my ear. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not ashamed of it.”
“别难为情，”他在我的耳畔低语着。“如果我能做梦，那一定都是关于你的梦。而且我也不会为此感到羞愧的。”
He pulled me against his chest, softly, naturally.
他把我拉到他的胸前，动作是那么的温柔，那么的自然。
He knew what I was getting at. “You did say my name,” he admitted.
他知道我说的是什么。“你确实说过我的名字。”他坦白道。
“Another time then…”
“那么下次吧…”
My father’s key turned in the door.
我父亲正在用钥匙开门。
“Edward!” I hissed.
“爱德华！”我嘘声唤道。
“Anything else?” I demanded.
“没有别的了？”我诘问道。
“I’m not sure…” I tried to think it through quickly.
“我不能肯定…”我试图迅速地思考这件事。
Then we both heard the sound of tires on the brick driveway, saw the headlights flash through the front windows, down the hall to us. I stiffened in his arms.
然后我们都听到了轮胎行走在砖砌的车道上的生气，看见了车灯从前窗里照进来，穿过前厅落到我们身上。我僵在了他的怀里。
I heard a ghostly chuckle, then nothing else.
我听到一声幽灵般的轻笑，然后什么也听不到了。
And I was alone.
然后我又是独自一人了。
“Bella?” he called. It had bothered me before; who else would it be? Suddenly he didn’t seem so far off base.
“贝拉？”他喊道。这样的问话之前曾经让我困扰过，还能有谁呢？但忽然间他似乎没那么脱离现实了。
“In here.” I hoped he couldn’t hear the hysterical edge to my voice. I grabbed my dinner from the microwave and sat at the table as he walked in. His footsteps sounded so noisy after my day with Edward.
“在这里。”我希望他没听出我的声音里竭斯底里的味道。当他走进来的时候，我从微波炉里抓出我的晚餐，坐到了桌子旁。在我和爱德华度过了一整天以后，他的脚步声听起来格外嘈杂。
“How was your day?” I asked. The words were rushed; I was dying to escape to my room.
“你今天过得怎么样？”我问道。这话说得太仓促了。我迫不及待地想要逃回我自己的房间。
“Can you get me some of that? I’m bushed.” He stepped on the heels of his boots to take them off, holding the back of Edward’s chair for support.
“能给我也弄一点宽面条吗？我太累了。”他站着把靴子脱下来，抓住爱德华的椅子以保持平衡。
“Good. The fish were biting… how about you? Did you get everything done that you wanted to?”
“好极了。那些鱼都咬钩了…你呢？你把想做的事情都做完了吗？”
“It was a nice day,” he agreed. What an understatement, I thought to myself.
“今天天气很好。”他赞同道。多么保守的描述，我自忖着。
I took my food with me, scarfing it down as I got his dinner. It burned my tongue. I filled two glasses with milk while his lasagna was heating, and gulped mine to put out the fire. As I set the glass down, I noticed the milk trembling and realized my hand was shaking. Charlie sat in the chair, and the contrast between him and its former occupant was comical.
我拿着盘子，一边给他弄晚餐，一边狼吞虎咽地把自己的面条吃完。我的舌头被烫到了。当他的面条在加热的时候，我倒了两杯牛奶，然后大口大口地喝着我那杯，好让那团火焰冷却下来。当我把杯子放下来的时候，我注意到杯里的牛奶在抖动，然后意识到自己的手正在颤抖。查理坐在那张椅子里，他和之前坐在那里的那人之间的对比很是滑稽。
“Thanks,” he said as I placed his food on the table.
“谢谢。”当我把食物放到桌子上的时候他说道。
“Not really — it was too nice out to stay indoors.” I took another big bite.
“没有——外面的天气太好了，待在屋里太可惜了。”我又咬了一大口宽面条。
Charlie surprised me by being observant. “In a hurry?”
查理正密切关注着我，他很惊讶。“你赶时间？”
Finished with the last bite of lasagna, I lifted my glass and chugged the remains of my milk.
吃完最后一口意大利面后，我拿起我的杯子，咕噜咕噜地喝完了剩下的牛奶。
“You look kinda keyed up,” he noted. Why, oh why, did this have to be his night to pay attention?
“你看上去有点兴奋。”他注意到了。为什么，哦为什么，他今晚就非得这么留心注意呢？
“Sounds like a good idea to me,” I agreed as I headed up the stairs.
“听起来对我来说是个不错的主意。”我赞同道，冲上楼。
“No plans tonight?” he asked suddenly.
“今晚没安排吗？”他忽然问道。
“It’s Saturday,” he mused.
“今天是星期六。”他若有所思地说道。
“None of the boys in town your type, eh?” He was suspicious, but trying to play it cool.
“镇里没有一个男孩是你喜欢的类型，嗯？”他很怀疑，但努力抑制住了自己的情绪。
“Yeah, I’m tired. I’m going to bed early.”
“是的，我累了。我要早点上床睡觉。”
“He’s Just a friend, Dad.”
“他只是个朋友，爸爸。”
“No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet.” I was careful not to over-emphasize the word boys in my quest to be truthful with Charlie.
“没有，还没有一个男孩能吸引我的眼球。”我小心地不去过分强调我的话里“男孩”那个词，以保持对查理的诚实态度。
“No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep.”
“不，爸爸，我只是想去睡觉。”
I didn’t respond.
我没有回答。
“Well, you’re too good for them all, anyway. Wait till you get to college to start looking.” Every father’s dream, that his daughter will be out of the house before the hormones kick in.
“好吧，无论如何你都太棒了，他们配不上你。等你上了大学再开始找吧。”每个父亲的梦想，就是自己的女儿会在荷尔蒙起作用以前离开家。
“Do I?” was all I could manage in response. I quickly scrubbed my dishes clean in the sink, and placed them upside down on a dish towel to dry.
“有吗？”我想方设法也只能作出这样的答复。我飞快地把我的盘子在水槽里擦洗干净，然后用抹布把它们擦干。
“I thought maybe that Mike Newton… you said he was friendly.”
“我以为也许迈克？牛顿…你说过他很友好。”
“‘Night, honey,” he called after me. No doubt he would be listening carefully all evening, waiting for me to try to sneak out.
“晚安，甜心。”他在我身后喊道。毫无疑问，他整晚都会竖起耳朵听着，等着我偷偷溜出去。
I worked to make my tread sound slow and tired as I walked up the stairs to my room. I shut the door loud enough for him to hear, and then sprinted on my tiptoes to the window. I threw it open and leaned out into the night. My eyes scanned the darkness, the impenetrable shadows of the trees.
当我走上楼梯去回房里时，我设法让自己的脚步声听起来缓慢又疲倦。我用力关上门好让他听见，然后踮起脚尖走到窗前。我打开窗户，侧着身子探进夜色里。我的眼睛在一片黑暗中搜寻着，搜索着那片深不可测的树阴。
“See you in the morning, Dad.” See you creeping into my room tonight at midnight to check on me.
“明早见，爸爸。”午夜你摸进我房间检查我时见。
The quiet, laughing response came from behind me. “Yes?”
一个安静的，暗笑着的回答从我背后传来。“怎么了？”
“Just give me a minute to restart my heart.”
“给我一分钟，好让我的心脏重新启动。”
“Edward?” I whispered, feeling completely idiotic.
“爱德华？”我低声喊着，觉得自己像个彻头彻尾的傻瓜。
I whirled, one hand flying to my throat in surprise.
我急忙转过身来，惊讶地伸出手飞快地掩住了自己的喉头。
He lay, smiling hugely, across my bed, his hands behind his head, his feet dangling off the end, the picture of ease.
他横躺在我的床上，笑得很是开怀，他的手交叠在头后，他的脚在床边上晃悠着，一派怡然自得的画面。
He sat up slowly, so as not to startle me again. Then he leaned forward and reached out with his long arms to pick me up, gripping the tops of my arms like I was a toddler. He sat me on the bed beside him.
他慢慢地坐起来，以免再次吓到我。然后他向前侧过身来，伸出他长长的胳膊把我拉起来，紧握着我的肘弯，好像我还是个蹒跚学步的孩子。他让我坐到了床上，紧挨着他坐下。
“I’m sorry.” He pressed his lips together, trying to hide his amusement.
“我很抱歉。”他闭上嘴，试图隐藏住他的快乐。
“Oh!” I breathed, sinking unsteadily to the floor.
“哦！”我喘息着说，有些不稳地跌坐在地板上。
“Certainly.” He gestured with one hand that I should proceed.
“当然。”他用一只手示意我继续。
“Yes, ma’am.” And he made a show of becoming a statue on the edge of my bed.
“遵命，夫人。”然后他坐在我的床边，夸张地表现出变成一尊雕像的样子。
We sat there for a moment in silence, both listening to my heartbeat slow. I thought about having Edward in my room, with my father in the house.
我们沉默地坐了片刻，都在听着我的心跳放慢下来。我想到，爱德华在我的房间里，而我爸爸在家里。
“You tell me — I’m sure you hear it better than I do.”
“你来告诉我——我相信你比我听得更清楚。”
I hopped up, grabbing my pajamas from off the floor, my bag of toiletries off the desk. I left the light off and slipped out, closing the door.
我跳起来，从地板上抓起我的睡衣，从桌子上拿起我的洗漱包。我没开灯，冲出去关上了门。
I felt his quiet laughter shake the bed.
我感觉到他安静的笑声让这张床震动起来。
“Stay,” I said, trying to look severe.
“呆着别动。”我说道，试图摆出严厉的样子。
“Why don’t you sit with me,” he suggested, putting a cold hand on mine.
“为什么你不和我一起坐，”他建议着，把一只冰冷的手放到了我的手上。
“How’s the heart?”
“心脏怎么样？”
“Can I have a minute to be human?” I asked.
“能给我一分钟当回人类吗？”我问道。
I meant to hurry. I brushed my teeth fiercely, trying to be thorough and speedy, removing all traces of lasagna. But the hot water of the shower couldn’t be rushed. It unknotted the muscles in my back, calmed my pulse. The familiar smell of my shampoo made me feel like I might be the same person I had been this morning. I tried not to think of Edward, sitting in my room, waiting, because then I had to start all over with the calming process. Finally, I couldn’t delay anymore. I shut off the water, toweling hastily, rushing again. I pulled on my holey t-shirt and gray sweatpants. Too late to regret not packing the Victoria’s Secret silk pajamas my mother got me two birthdays ago, which still had the tags on them in a drawer somewhere back home.
我想要更快一些。我粗暴地刷着牙，试图做得既彻底又迅速，除掉所有意大利宽面条的痕迹。但喷头里的热水可不赶时间。热水纾解了我背上的肌肉，让我的脉搏镇定下来。我所熟悉的洗发水的味道让我感觉到自己还是今天早上的那个我。我试着不去想爱德华，他正坐在我房间里，等着我。因为那样的话，我又得把整个让自己冷静下来的步骤重来一遍。最终，我再也不能拖延了。我关掉水龙头，慌忙地裹上浴巾，又开始匆忙起来。我穿上那件有洞的T恤衫和一条灰色的运动裤。已经太迟了，我真后悔没带那套“维多利亚的秘密”牌丝绸睡衣，那是上上次生日时我母亲送给我的礼物，它们依然连标签都没拆，放在我家那边的衣橱的某个角落里。
I could hear the sound from the TV rising up the stairs. I banged the bathroom door loudly, so Charlie wouldn’t come up to bother me.
我能听到楼梯下传来的电视声。我砰地一声用力关上了门，这样查理就不会上来烦我了。
I took the stairs two at a time, trying to be quiet, and flew into my room, closing the door tightly behind me.
我一次迈过两级楼梯，试图让自己的脚步安静些，然后飞奔回房里，紧紧地关上身后的门。
I grimaced.
我扮了个鬼脸。
“What was all that for?”
“这一切是为什么呢？”
“‘Night, Bella.” He did look startled by my appearance. Maybe that would keep him from checking on me tonight.
“晚安，贝拉。”他看上去确实被我的形象吓到了。也许这会让他今晚不再来检查我。
Edward hadn’t moved a fraction of an inch, a carving of Adonis perched on my faded quilt. I smiled, and his lips twitched, the statue coming to life.
爱德华甚至没有移动过零点一英寸，他看上去像坐在我褪色的被子上的一尊阿多尼斯雕像。我笑了起来，他的嘴唇扭曲着，这尊雕像复活了。
“‘Night, Dad.”
“晚安，爸爸。”
“No, it looks good on you.”
“不，看上去很适合你。”
I rubbed the towel through my hair again, and then yanked the brush through it quickly. I threw the towel in the hamper, flung my brush and toothpaste into my bag. Then I dashed down the stairs so Charlie could see that I was in my pajamas, with wet hair.
我又开始用毛巾擦着头发，然后飞快地用发刷用力地梳着头发。我把毛巾扔进洗衣篮里，把发刷和牙膏扔进包里。然后我冲下楼梯，这样查理就能看见我已经穿着睡衣，头发湿漉漉的。
His eyes appraised me, taking in the damp hair, the tattered shirt. He raised one eyebrow. “Nice.”
他的眼睛审视着我，看着湿漉漉的头发，破烂的恤衫。他扬起一侧眉毛。“不错。”
“Thanks,” I whispered. I went back to his side, sitting cross-legged beside him. I looked at the lines in the wooden floor.
“谢谢。”我耳语道。我走回他那边，盘着腿坐到他旁边。我看着木地板上的纹路。
“Oh.” He contemplated that. “Why?” As if he couldn’t know Charlie’s mind much more clearly than I could guess.
“哦。”他冥思苦想着。“为什么？”就好像他不知道查理的想法，不了解得比我猜想的还有透彻一样。
“Charlie thinks I’m sneaking out.”
“查理认为我打算偷溜出去。”
“Mmmmmm…” he breathed.
“嗯…”他喘息着说。
“You look very warm, actually.”
“确实，你看上去非常温暖。”
“Apparently, I look a little overexcited.”
“很显然，我看上去有点过度亢奋。”
He bent his face slowly to mine, laying his cool cheek against my skin. I held perfectly still.
他慢慢地把脸俯向我的脸，把他冰冷的脸颊贴在我的肌肤上。我定在那里，不敢动弹。
“Yes?” he breathed.
“嗯？”他喘息着说道。
“It seems to be… much easier for you, now, to be close to me.”
“这似乎…对你来说，靠近我，现在，变得容易些了。”
“Why is that,” my voice shook, embarrassing me, “do you think?”
“那是为什么，”我的声音颤抖着，这让我很是窘迫。“你认为呢？”
He lifted my chin, examining my face.
他托起我的下颌，审视着我的脸。
“Much, much easier,” I said, trying to exhale.
“更，更容易了。”我说着，努力呼吸。
“So I was wondering…” I began again, but his fingers were slowly tracing my collarbone, and I lost my train of thought.
“所以我想知道…”我又开始了，但他的手指缓慢地描过我的锁骨，我完全失去了思路。
“Does it seem that way to you?” he murmured, his nose gliding to the corner of my jaw. I felt his hand, lighter than a moth’s wing, brushing my damp hair back, so that his lips could touch the hollow beneath my ear.
“对你来说也是吗？”他喃喃低语道，他的鼻子滑过我尖尖的下颌。我感觉到他的手，比飞蛾的翅膀还要轻柔地，把我湿漉漉的头发往后拨开，这样他的唇就能吻到我耳后的凹处。
“Hmm.”
“呃嗯。”
It was very difficult, while he was touching me, to frame a coherent question. It took me a minute of scattered concentration to begin.
当他触碰着我时，要构思出一个密切相关的问题实在是件很困难的事。我花了一分钟才把涣散的注意力集中起来，开口说话。
I felt the tremor of his breath on my neck as he laughed. “Mind over matter.”
当他大笑起来时，我感觉到他的呼吸在我的脖子上颤动着。“精神胜于物质。”
I pulled back; as I moved, he froze — and I could no longer hear the sound of his breathing.
我把身子退回去，当我挪动时，他僵住了——然后我再也听不到他呼吸的声音了。
“You’re good at everything,” I pointed out.
“你擅长所有的事。”我指出来。
We stared cautiously at each other for a moment, and then, as his clenched jaw gradually relaxed, his expression became puzzled.
我们警惕地注视着彼此，片刻之后，他紧绷的下颌渐渐放松下来，他的神情变得困惑起来。
“No — the opposite. You’re driving me crazy,” I explained.
“不——恰好相反。你快要让我发狂了。”我解释道。
“But how can it be so easy now?” I pressed. “This afternoon…”
“可这一切现在为什么会变得那么容易呢？”我强调道。“今天下午…”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“我做错什么了吗？”
“I’m just pleasantly surprised,” he clarified. “In the last hundred years or so,” his voice was teasing, “I never imagined anything like this. I didn’t believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with… in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it’s all new to me, that I’m good at it… at being with you…”
“我只是又惊又喜。”他澄清道。“在过去的差不多一百年里，”他的声音有些苦恼，“我从没想象过任何类似这样的事情。我不相信我能找到我想要在一起的那个人…以不同于我的兄弟姐妹们的方式。然后，我找到了，尽管这一切对我来说是全新的，我却如此擅长于此…只要和你在一起…”
He grinned.
他咧嘴一笑。
He shrugged, allowing that, and we both laughed in whispers.
他耸耸肩，对此表示默认，然后我们都低声地大笑起来。
“Would you like a round of applause?” I asked sarcastically.
“你需要来点掌声吗？”我讽刺地问道。
“It’s not easy,” he sighed. “But this afternoon, I was still… undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so.”
“这并不容易，”他叹息着说。“但今天下午，我依然…犹豫不决。我对此很抱歉，我居然做出那样的事，实在是不可原谅。”
He considered that briefly, and when he spoke, he sounded pleased. “Really?” A triumphant smile slowly lit his face.
他简略地想了想，然后当他说话的时候，他听起来很愉悦。“真的？”一个胜利的微笑慢慢浮现在他脸上。
He threw back his head and laughed, quietly as a whisper, but still exuberantly.
他仰起头，大笑起来，安静地像在耳语，但依然生气勃勃。
“Mind over matter,” he repeated, smiling, his teeth bright even in the darkness.
“精神胜于物质。”他重复道，笑了起来，他的皓齿即使在黑暗中依然是那么的明亮。
“Wow, that was easy,” I said.
“哇噢，那就容易多了。”我说道。
“I’m trying,” he whispered, his voice pained. “If it gets to be… too much, I’m fairly sure I’ll be able to leave.”
“我在尝试。”他耳语道，他的声音充满了痛苦。“如果情况变得…太过头。我相当肯定我能够离开。”
I’d never seen him struggle so hard for words. It was so… human.
我从没见过他这样艰难地挣扎着，选择着合适的词语。这一切是那么的…像人类。
And then his face was abruptly serious.
然后他的脸忽然严峻起来。
“Not unforgivable,” I disagreed.
“并不是不可原谅的。”我不同意。
“So there’s no possibility now?”
“所以现在没有任何可能性咯？”
“Easy for you!” he amended, touching my nose with his fingertip.
“对你来说是容易！”他更正道，用指尖轻抚着我的鼻子。
I scowled. I didn’t like the talk of leaving.
我皱起眉。我不喜欢谈到离开。
“Thank you.” He smiled. “You see,” he continued, looking down now, “I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough…” He picked up one of my hands and pressed it lightly to his face. “And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome” — he breathed in the scent at my wrist — “I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever could…”
“谢谢。”他笑了起来。“你看，”他继续说着，却垂下了头。“我不能肯定我是否足够坚强…”他拿起我的一只手，轻轻地按在他脸上。“依然存在着这样的可能性，我可能会被…征服”——他深吸着我手腕上的味道——“我还是…很容易受影响。只有当我下定决心时，我才足够坚强。这样才不会有任何可能性，任何我会…我可能…”
“You seem more… optimistic than usual,” I observed. “I haven’t seen you like this before.”
“你似乎…比平常更乐观了。”我评论道。“我之前从没见过你像这样。”
“For example” — his words flowed swiftly now, I had to concentrate to catch it all — “the emotion of jealousy. I’ve read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…” He grimaced. “Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?”
“例如”——他说话变得迅速起来，我不得不集中精力去捕捉每一个字——“嫉妒的情绪。我读到过这种情绪千万次，在一千部不同的戏剧和电影里看过演员对此的演绎。我相信自己对此的理解非常透彻，但它却震撼了我…”他扮了个鬼脸。“你还记得迈克邀请你去舞会那天吗？”
“That suits me,” he replied, his face relaxing into a gentle smile. “Bring on the shackles — I’m your prisoner.” But his long hands formed manacles around my wrists as he spoke. He laughed his quiet, musical laugh. He’d laughed more tonight than I’d ever heard in all the time I’d spent with him.
“这正合我意。”他回应道，他的脸放松下来，变成一个温柔的微笑。“戴上枷锁——我是你的囚徒。”但当他说着的时候，他长长的手臂环住了我的腰，形成了一个铁箍。他安静地笑起来，笑声有如天籁。他今晚笑得很多，比我和他在一起的所有时间里我所听到的还要多。
“Very different,” I agreed. “More forceful than I’d imagined.”
“非常不一样，”我赞同道。“比我想象过的还有强烈得多。”
“And it will be harder tomorrow,” he continued. “I’ve had the scent of you in my head all day, and I’ve grown amazingly desensitized. If I’m away from you for any length of time, I’ll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think.”
“而明天这会变得更加艰难，”他继续说道。“今天一整天我的脑子里都是你的味道，我变得很不敏感了。如果我离开你一段时间的话，我又得从头开始了。不过，我想，至少不算是从零开始。”
“Isn’t it supposed to be like this?” He smiled. “The glory of first love, and all that. It’s incredible, isn’t it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?”
“不应该像这样吗？”他笑着说。“初恋的荣耀，还有所有的这一切。这简直难以置信，不是吗，经历过，与读到过，和在画里看到过，是如此的不一样？”
“Don’t go away, then,” I responded, unable to hide the longing in my voice.
“那就别离开。”我答道，无法藏起我声音里的渴望。
“I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt — I didn’t recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn’t know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend’s sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.
“我被那阵一闪而过，几近狂暴的愤怒惊呆了，我所感觉到的——起初我根本分辨不出这是什么样的情绪。我不知道你在想什么，这种挫败感比平时来得还要严重，因为我不知道你为什么拒绝他。仅仅是为了你的朋友的缘故吗？还是为了某个人？我知道我没有权利去关心这些方面。我努力不让自己去关心这些。”
I nodded, though I remembered that day for a different reason. “The day you started talking to me again.”
我点了点头，不过我记得那一天却是出于一个完全不同的理由。“那天你又开始和我说话了。”
“And then the line started forming,” he chuckled. I scowled in the darkness.
“然后排队邀请你的队伍开始形成了。”他轻笑起来。我在黑暗中把脸绷起来。
“I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn’t deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn’t be sure.
“我等待着，焦虑不安得毫无理由地，想要听到你会对他们说什么，想要看见你的表情。我无法否认，当看到你脸上烦恼的神情时，我感到一阵宽慰。但我不能肯定。”
“That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted.
那是我第一次晚上来这里。当我看着你的睡容时，我整夜都在挣扎着，在我知道是正确的，合乎道德的，合乎伦理的，和我想要的之间挣扎着，有如困于深谷之中。
I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.
我知道如果我做我该做的事，继续无视你，或者离开几年，直到你走回再回来，那么总有一天，你会对迈克，或者类似的人，点头应许的。这种想法让我愤怒。
“But jealousy… it’s a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…” He shook his head angrily.
“可是嫉妒…是一件奇怪的事情。远比我曾经想到过的，更为有力。而且不合常理！就在刚才，当查理向你问到那个卑鄙的迈克？牛顿…”他生气地摇着头。
“Of course.”
“当然。”
“That made you feel jealous, though, really?”
“不过，这让你感到了嫉妒，真的？”
“And then,” he whispered, “as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you’d woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn’t ignore you any longer.” He was silent for a moment, probably listening to the suddenly uneven pounding of my heart.
然后，“他耳语道。”当你睡着的时候，你说出了我的名字。你说得那么清晰，开始我还以为你醒着。可你不得安生地翻来覆去，又一次喃喃地念着我的名字，还叹息着。胆怯和震惊的感觉传遍了我的全身。然后我知道，我再也无法无视你了。“他沉默了片刻，也许是在听我的心脏突如其来的砰砰乱响。”
“I should have known you’d be listening,” I groaned.
“我应该知道你在听的。”我呻吟着。
“I’m new at this; you’re resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it’s fresh.”
“我在这方面完全是个新手；你唤醒了我身上属于人类的感情，而且每一种感觉都更为强烈，因为它们对我来说都是新奇的存在。”
“But honestly,” I teased, “for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie — Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie — was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?”
“但诚恳地说，”我揶揄道，“和困扰着你的这一切相比，在我听说了罗莎莉——罗莎莉，那个纯净的美的化身，罗莎莉——对你的意义以后，有埃美特或者没有埃美特，我又怎能和她竞争呢？”
“There’s no competition.” His teeth gleamed. He drew my trapped hands around his back, holding me to his chest. I kept as still as I could, even breathing with caution.
“这完全没有可比性。”他的牙齿隐约可见。他拉起我受困的双手，环绕着他的背，然后把我抱在他的胸前。我尽可能保持静止不动，甚至是小心翼翼地呼吸着。
“It hardly seems fair,” I whispered, my face still resting on his chest, listening to his breath come and go. “I haven’t had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?”
“这太不公平了。”我耳语道。我的脸依然紧贴在他的胸口，听着他的呼吸。“我根本不用等待。为什么我能这么容易就得到了呢？”
“I know there’s no competition,” I mumbled into his cold skin. “That’s the problem.”
“我知道这完全没有可比性。”我对着他冰冷的肌肤嘟哝着。“这才是问题所在。”
“You’re right,” he agreed with amusement. “I should make this harder for you, definitely.” He freed one of his hands, released my wrist, only to gather it carefully into his other hand. He stroked my wet hair softly, from the top of my head to my waist. “You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that’s surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what’s that worth?”
“你说得很对，”他打趣地赞同道。“确实，我应该让这对你来说更艰难些的。”他松开了一只手，放开我的腰，只是为了更小心地用另一只手抱紧我。他温柔地捋着我微湿的头发，从我的头顶一直捋到我的腰间。“你只需要在和我在一起的每一分钟都冒着生命危险。这确实还不太够。你只需要背离天性，背离人性…这些的代价有多大？”
“Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn’t like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn’t belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me.” He was serious now, thoughtful. “For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren’t alive yet.”
“当然，罗莎莉是她那种类型的美人，但即使她对我来说不像是个妹妹，即使埃美特没有和她在一起，她也永远不可能得到你从我这里得到的，十分之一，不，百分之一的注意力。”他现在很认真，露出深思熟虑的神情。“在差不多九十年的时光里，我在自己的同类中，还有你的同类中度过…我始终想着自己，完全没有察觉到我在寻找着什么。也什么都没找到，因为你还没出现在这个世界上。”
He hummed a melody I didn’t recognize; it sounded like a lullaby.
他哼起了一首曲子，我认不出来是什么曲子，听起来像是一首摇篮曲。
I heard the door crack open, as Charlie peeked in to make sure I was where I was supposed to be. I breathed evenly, exaggerating the movement.
我听到门被推开了，查理溜进来，确认我是否在应该在的地方。我平稳地呼吸着，夸大着这个动作。
“Lie down!” he hissed. I couldn’t tell where he spoke from in the darkness.
“躺下！”他嘘声说道。在黑暗中我分辨不出他的声音是从哪里传出来的。
Then Edward’s cool arm was around me, under the covers, his lips at my ear.
然后爱德华冰冷的胳膊在被子下抱住我，他的唇紧贴着我的耳朵。
“What –” I started to ask, when his body became alert. I froze, but he suddenly released my hands, and disappeared. I narrowly avoided falling on my face.
“什么——”我正要问，他的身体忽然警觉起来。我僵住了，但他立刻放开了我的手，然后消失了。我只能勉强不让自己趴倒在床上。
“You are a terrible actress — I’d say that career path is out for you.”
“你真是个蹩脚的演员——我敢说演艺之路离你遥不可及。”
A long minute passed. I listened, not sure if I’d heard the door close.
漫长的一分钟过去了。我听着，但不能确认我是否听到了门关上的声音。
He paused. “Should I sing you to sleep?”
他停了下来。“我能唱着歌让你入睡吗？”
I rolled under my quilt, balling up on my side, the way I usually slept.
我在被子底下蜷缩起来，弓着身子侧躺着，就像我平时睡觉时那样。
“Not yet.” And his voice was abruptly full of ancient grief.
“只是还没有。”他的声音突然充满了远古的悲伤。
I tried to pull back, to look in his face, but his hand locked my wrists in an unbreakable hold.
我试图拉回身子，好看着他的脸，但他的手紧紧扣着我的腰，完全挣脱不开。
“Very little — I don’t feel deprived of anything.”
“非常小——我从未感觉到被剥夺任何事情。”
“Darn it,” I muttered. My heart was crashing in my chest.
“倒霉！”我喃喃低语道。我的心在我的胸口剧烈跳动着。
“Just because I’m resisting the wine doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the bouquet,” he whispered. “You have a very floral smell, like lavender… or freesia,” he noted. “It’s mouthwatering.”
“这只是因为，我克制着自己不去品尝美酒，但不意味着我不懂得欣赏酒的芬芳。”他耳语道。“你的味道如同花香，像薰衣草…或者鸢尾，”他评价道。“这令人垂涎欲滴。”
“I’ve decided what I want to do,” I told him. “I want to hear more about you.”
“我已经决定我想要做什么了，”我告诉他。“我想听到更多关于你的事。”
“So if you don’t want to sleep…” he suggested, ignoring my tone. My breath caught.
“所以如果你不想睡觉…”他无视我的语气，提议道。我屏住了呼吸。
“You do it all the time,” he reminded me.
“你一直都是这样做的。”他提醒我。
“Tell me when you decide.”
“等你决定了，告诉我。”
I could feel his cool breath on my neck, feel his nose sliding along my jaw, inhaling.
我能感觉到他冰冷的呼吸轻拂着我的脖子，感觉到他的鼻子滑过我的下颌，吸着气。
“Ask me anything.”
“问什么都行。”
I couldn’t answer at first.
我没办法立刻回答。
“If I don’t want to sleep…?” He chuckled. “What do you want to do then?”
“如果我不想睡觉…？”他轻笑起来。“那你想做什么？”
“Yeah, it’s an off day when I don’t get somebody telling me how edible I smell.”
“是啊，今天是一个休息日，如果不是有人告诉我我闻起来有多么好吃的话。”
“I thought you were desensitized.”
“我想你没那么敏感了。”
I sifted through my questions for the most vital. “Why do you do it?” I said. “I still don’t understand how you can work so hard to resist what you… are. Please don’t misunderstand, of course I’m glad that you do. I just don’t see why you would bother in the first place.”
我仔细筛选着我的问题，从最重要的先开始。“你为什么要这样做？”我说。“我还是不明白你为什么要这样努力地去抵抗你…的本性。请不要误会，当然我很欣赏你所做的一切。我只是看不懂你起初为什么会如此费心地做这件事。”
He chuckled, and then sighed.
他轻笑起来，然后叹了口气。
“I’m not sure,” I finally said.
“我不能肯定。”我最终说道。
“But I didn’t know you were here,” I replied icily.
“可我不知道你在这里。”我冷淡地回应道。
“Right,” I laughed. “Like I could sleep with you here!”
“很好，”我大笑起来。“就好像有你在这里我还能睡着一样！”
“No.”
“没有。”
“Did you fall asleep?” he whispered after a few minutes.
“你睡着了吗？”几分钟以后，他低语道。
He hesitated before answering. “That’s a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others — the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot — they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we’ve been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn’t mean that we can’t choose to rise above — to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can.”
他迟疑着，然后回答道。“这是个好问题，你不是第一个这样问的人。别人——我们的同类中的大多数人都满足于我们的命运——他们，同样，怀疑着我们的生活方式。但你看，只因为我们被…被分配到了确定的方向…这并不意味着我们就不能选择去克服——去征服一个我们都不想要的命运的界限。努力去保留我们所能留住的任何本质的人性。”
I lay unmoving, locked in awed silence.
我一动不动地躺着，满怀敬畏地锁定在沉默中。
“Is that all you were curious about?”
“这就是你好奇着的全部事情了？”
“What else do you want to know?”
“你还想知道什么？”
I rolled my eyes. “Not quite.”
我转了转眼睛。“当然不是。”
“Why can you read minds — why only you? And Alice, seeing the future… why does that happen?”
“为什么你可以读心——为什么只有你能？还有爱丽丝，她能看见未来…为什么会发生这样的事呢？”
I felt him shrug in the darkness. “We don’t really know. Carlisle has a theory… he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified — like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was.”
我感觉到他在黑暗中耸了耸肩。“我们不能确切地知道是为什么。卡莱尔有一个理论…他相信我们都把自己的最强烈的人类特质带进了第二次生命中，而在这次生命里，它们被强化了——就像我们的头脑，和我们的感觉一样。他认为从前的我一定对周围人的想法非常地敏感。而爱丽丝，不管她之前待在哪里，她拥有某种预知的能力。”
“Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her… tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness.” he chuckled. “Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him — calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It’s a very subtle gift.”
“卡莱尔带来了他的怜悯心。艾思梅带来了她强烈的爱的能力。艾美特带来了他的强壮，罗莎莉带来了她的…固执。也许你可以称之为执迷不悟。”他轻笑起来。“贾斯帕非常地有趣。他在第一次生命中非常地有领导魅力，能够影响周围的人，让他们按他的方式去看待事情。现在他能够操纵周围人的情绪——例如，让一屋子愤怒的人冷静下来，或者相反地，让一群昏昏欲睡的人亢奋起来。这是一种非常不可思议的天赋。”
“What did he bring into the next life, and the others?”
“他把什么带进了他的第二次生命，还有别人呢？”
I considered the impossibilities he described, trying to take it in. He waited patiently while I thought.
我思索着他所描述的那些不可思议的事情，试图把它们消化掉。他耐心地等待着我的思考。
“So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…”
“那么一切是怎么开始的呢？我是指，卡莱尔转变了你，而一定是有某人转变了他，然后诸如此类…”
“Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn’t we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don’t believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?”
“好吧，你是从哪里来的？进化论？造物论？难道我们不能像别的物种一样进化吗，掠食者和被掠食者？或者，如果你不相信整个世界的起源就是它现在这个样子——这一点让我很难接受我自己——有这么难相信是那种创造了精致的天使鱼和鲨鱼，小海豹和杀人鲸的力量，一起创造了我们的种族吗？”
I wanted to turn toward him, to see if it was really his lips against my hair. But I had to be good; I didn’t want to make this any harder for him than it already was.
我想要转向他，想看看是不是真的是他的唇在吻着我的发。但我得乖一点，我不想让情况变得对他来说更为艰难，这已经很难为他了。
“I won’t leave you.” His voice had the seal of a promise in it.
“我不会离开你的。”他的声音里有着绝对保证的意味。
“Are you ready to sleep?” he asked, interrupting the short silence. “Or do you have any more questions?”
“你准备要睡了吗？”他问道，打断了这阵短暂的沉默。“或者说，你还有任何问题要问吗？”
“We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…” he reminded me. I smiled, euphoric at the thought.
“我们还有明天，后头，大后天…”他提醒我。我微笑着，对这个念头很是愉悦。
“Only a million or two.”
“只剩一两百万个。”
“No, forget it. I changed my mind.”
“不，忘掉它，我改变注意了。”
“Are you sure you won’t vanish in the morning?” I wanted this to be certain. “You are mythical, after all.”
“你确定你不会在早上消失不见？”我想得到确认。“毕竟，你是个谜。”
“Right.” He laughed, and something touched my hair — his lips?
“没错。”他大笑起来，然后某种东西触碰着我的头发——他的唇？
“I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse.”
“我一直认为这件事，听不到你的想法，会渐渐变得不那么让我挫败。但这只是越来越糟。”
“What is it?”
“那是什么？”
“Bella, you can ask me anything.”
“贝拉，你可以问我任何问题。”
“One more, then, tonight…” And I blushed. The darkness was no help — I’m sure he could feel the sudden warmth under my skin.
“那么，最后一个，今晚…”我脸红了。黑暗毫无作用——我确定他能感觉到我肌肤下突如其来的热度。
I didn’t answer, and he groaned.
我没有回答，然后他呻吟着说。
“Let me get this straight — I’m the baby seal, right?”
“让我来把事情理清楚——我是小海豹，对吧？”
He laughed in earnest now, understanding. “Is that what you’re getting at?”
现在他真诚地笑了起来，完全明白过来。“那就是你说的意思吗？”
“If you don’t tell me, I’ll just assume it’s something much worse than it is,” he threatened darkly.
“如果你不告诉我，我只会把它想得比它本身还要糟。”他阴森森地恐吓道。
“Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?”
“你的好奇心背后有什么意图吗？”
I fidgeted, unable to answer.
我不安着，没办法作出回答。
I shook my head.
我摇了摇头。
“Oh,” was all I could say.
“哦，”是我所能说的全部的话了。
“I don’t think that… that… would be possible for us.”
“我不认为这…这…对我们来说有任何的可能性。”
“Yes, I suppose it is much the same,” he said. “I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires.”
“是的，我想这是一样的。”他说道。“我告诉过你，大多数人类的欲望都还存在着，只是隐藏在了更为强烈的欲望之后。”
“Please?” His voice was so persuasive, so impossible to resist.
“求你了？”他的声音是那么的有说服力，那么的难以抗拒。
“Yes?”
“嗯？”
“Well,” I began, glad that he couldn’t see my face.
“好吧，”我开始说道，很高兴他看不见我的脸。
“Please?” Again, that pleading voice.
“求你了？”又来了，那种恳求的语气。
“Well, I did wonder… about you and me… someday…”
“嗯，我确实怀疑…关于你和我…终有一天…”
He was instantly serious, I could tell by the sudden stillness of his body. I froze, too, reacting automatically.
他立刻严肃起来，我能从他身体忽然的静止中分辨出来。我也僵住了，完全是下意识的反应。
“You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon… Is that… marriage… the same as it is for humans?”
“你说罗莎莉和艾美特很快就要结婚了…那种…婚姻…和人类的婚姻一样吗？”
“I’m glad you can’t read my thoughts. It’s bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking.”
“我很高兴你不能读我的心。这和你偷听我说梦话一样糟。”
“Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that… close?”
“因为这对你来说太困难了，如果我是那么的…靠近的话？”
“That’s certainly a problem. But that’s not what I was thinking of. It’s just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we’re together so that I don’t hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident.” His voice had become just a soft murmur.
“这确实是个问题。但不是我在想的问题。这只是因为你太柔软了，太脆弱了。我不得不每时每刻都注意着自己的动作，这样我们在一起时我才不会伤到你。我依然很有可能杀了你，贝拉，即使只是意外。”他的声音变成了一种柔和的喃喃低语。
He moved his icy palm to rest it against my cheek. “If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn’t paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don’t realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I’m with you.”
他把他冰冷的手掌放到了我的脸颊上。“如果我太草率…如果有一秒我没有给予足够的注意力，我可能伸出手，本来是想抚摸你的脸，然后错误地压碎了你的头盖骨。你不会意识到，你自己是那么的易碎，柔弱得让人难以置信。当我和你在一起的时候，我绝对，绝对不能有半点的失控。”
He waited for me to respond, growing anxious when I didn’t. “Are you scared?” he asked.
他等着我回答，但我没有，他开始不安起来。“你吓到了？”他问道。
I waited for a minute to answer, so the words would be true. “No. I’m fine.”
我等了一分钟才回答，以便说出的是真话。“不，我很好。”
He seemed to deliberate for a moment. “I’m curious now, though,” he said, his voice light again. “Have you ever…?” He trailed off suggestively.
他似乎深思熟虑了片刻。“不过，现在我很好奇。”他说道，他的声音又轻松起来。“你曾经…？”他的声音逐渐减弱，让人浮想联翩。
“Of course not.” I flushed. “I told you I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, not even close.”
“当然没有。”我满脸通红。“我告诉过你，我之前从未对别人有过这种感觉，甚至没这么靠近过。”
He laughed and lightly rumpled my nearly dry hair.
他大笑起来，然后轻轻地弄乱了我几乎全干了的头发。
I yawned involuntarily.
我无意地打了个哈欠。
“I’m not sure if I can.”
“我不能肯定我能否睡着。”
“I may not be a human, but I am a man,” he assured me.
“我也许不是个人类，但我是个男人。”他向我保证。
“Do you want me to leave?”
“你想要我离开吗？”
“I’ve answered your questions, now you should sleep,” he insisted.
“我已经回答了你的问题了，现在你该睡觉了。”他坚持道。
“I know. It’s just that I know other people’s thoughts. I know love and lust don’t always keep the same company.”
“我知道。这只是因为我能知道别人的想法。我知道爱和性并不总是结伴而行的。”
“That’s nice. We have that one thing in common, at least.” He sounded satisfied.
“很好，至少，我们有一点共通的地方。”他听起来很满意。
“Your human instincts…” I began. He waited. “Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?”
“你的人类直觉…”我开始说道，他等待着。“嗯，到底，你发现我有吸引力吗，在那个方面？”
More tired than I realized, exhausted from the long day of mental and emotional stress like I’d never felt before, I drifted to sleep in his cold arms.
在这漫长的充满了我从未感觉过的精神压力和情绪波动的一天以后，我筋疲力尽，比我感觉到的还有疲倦。我在他冰冷的怀中沉沉睡去。
He laughed, and then began to hum that same, unfamiliar lullaby; the voice of an archangel, soft in my ear.
他大笑起来，然后又开始哼原来那首不熟悉的摇篮曲了，那个天使的声音，在我的耳中显得那么的温柔。
“They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all,” I sighed.
“它们对我来说是这样的。现在，无论如何，它们已经这样发生在我身上了。”我叹息道。
“No!” I said too loudly.
“不！”我说道太大声了。
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