For my in-laws, to love is to worry. When John’s parents visited us from New York, his mother would get me alone and inquire delicately. After a perfect summer seafood dinner at their beach house, the same questions were fired at us. They always made attempts to know our attitude. Didn’t we want kids? Or was there a problem with our marriage?
对于我的姻亲来说，爱就是担心。当约翰的父母从纽约来看我们的时候，他的母亲总是单独来询问我。在他们的海滨别墅享用了一顿完美的夏日海鲜晚餐后，我们又被同样的问题所困扰。他们总是试图了解我们的态度。我们不是想要孩子吗？还是我们的婚姻出了问题？
By the year my husband turned 40 and I hit the age of 35, John’s parents evidently were worried about us. His older brother had produced three grandchildren. So had his younger sister. We had produced none.
到我丈夫40岁、我35岁的那年，约翰的父母显然很担心我们。他的哥哥已经生了三个孙子。他的妹妹也是如此。我们什么也没生产出来。
By then we were wondering too. In earlier years the pressure to procreate had made us roll our eyes. In our 20’s and even into our 30’s, we were ambivalent about the whole idea of children. We certainly didn’t regard the decision as anyone’s business but our own. Besides, what was the big deal? His parents already had six grandchildren. Why did they need more from us?
那时我们也在想。在早些年，生育的压力使我们翻白眼。在我们20多岁甚至30多岁的时候，我们对孩子的整个概念都是矛盾的。我们当然不认为这个决定是任何人的事，而是我们自己的事。此外，这有什么大不了的？他的父母已经有了六个孙子。为什么他们需要从我们这里得到更多？
John’s father rarely said anything, yet I knew that she spoke for both of them. He was a retired ambassador and he liked to call himself a cranky old mail. But I knew that he cared and they fretted over us together.
约翰的父亲很少说话，但我知道她代表他们两个说话。他是一个很好的人。疲惫的大使，他喜欢称自己为一封古怪的旧邮件。但我知道他在乎我，他们一起为我们烦恼。
Then one day we realized that we were real adults — old enough to be somebody’s parents. We had exceeded the age of youthfulness. Suddenly we felt ready for a child.
后来有一天，我们意识到我们是真正的成年人——足够成为某人的父母了。我们已经超过了青春的年龄。突然，我们觉得自己已经准备好要一个孩子了。
Yet to hope does not always mean receiving. By the time I was 35, John and I had been”trying”for three years, however, I did not get pregnant. It seemed that Mother Nature was displeased. Our sex life became a lab experiment, and our emotional life wavered monthly between hidden optimism and ruined expectations. Then finally, one day in January. The pregnancy test turned pink. John and I stared repeatedly at the supernatural stick in excitement and could not firmly believe. Was this true? Should we tell everyone?
然而，希望并不总是意味着接受。在我35岁的时候，约翰和我已经“尝试”了三年，但是，我没有怀孕。似乎大自然母亲很不高兴。我们的性生活变成了一个实验室实验，我们的情感生活每个月都在隐藏的乐观和破灭的期望之间摇摆。最后，在一月的一天。验孕试纸变成了粉红色。约翰和我兴奋地反复盯着那根超自然的棍子，不能坚定地相信。这是真的吗？我们应该告诉所有人吗？
We decided to tell his parents on February 15, the day John’s father would turn 70. We were planning to surprise him by going up a few days early and to join the family for a birthday dinner at an elegant New York City restaurant. By then I would be six weeks pregnant. What an idea it would be to give him the ultimate gift — the news that, at long last, we would add a baby to the family.
我们决定在2月15日，也就是约翰的父亲70岁的那天，告诉他的父母。我们打算提前几天去给他一个惊喜，然后和家人一起在纽约一家高雅的餐厅吃一顿生日晚餐。到那时，我已经怀孕六周了。送给他最好的礼物——一个我们终于可以为家里添一个孩子的消息——是一个多么好的主意啊。
As a baby became central to our hopes, I better understood my in-laws’ interference. Now in their sliver years, they took the connection between their later years of life and their children and grandchildren for their greatest pleasure. Our child would provide both us and them with a lifeline to the future.
当婴儿成为我们希望的中心时，我更好地理解了我岳父母的干涉。现在，在他们的幸福岁月里，他们把晚年生活与子孙之间的联系作为他们最大的乐趣。我们的孩子将为我们和他们提供通往未来的生命线。
We watched the news late into the night, huddled beside the fireplace as the snow continued to fall. Drinking hot tea and hot alcohol, we debated whether to drive out the next day. Finally, we acceded to the decision that the event meant too much not to gamble on it. My brother-in-law, a can-do man who inspires absolute confidence, was cautious but willing to take the wheel.
我们看新闻看到深夜，雪继续下着，我们挤在壁炉旁。我们喝着热茶和热酒，讨论第二天是否要开车出去。最后，我们同意了这个决定，认为这个事件意义重大，不能不赌一把。我的妹夫，一个能够激发绝对自信的有干劲的人，谨慎但愿意掌舵。
The next morning we loaded into their station wagon — four edgy adults, three excited young boys and a golden retriever. Then we spent eight tense hours driving north on icy highways in a whirling blizzard.
急躁不安第二天早上，我们装上了他们的旅行车——四个前卫成年人，三个兴奋的小男孩和一个金毛寻回犬。然后，我们在一场旋转的暴风雪中，在结冰的高速公路上艰难地向北行驶了8个小时。
We flew into Baltimore, planning to drive to New York the next day with John’s sister and her family. But nature was not cooperative. That was the winter of 1960, the year that broke records of snowfall on the East Coast. A typhoon blew up then. And the weather forecasts issued stern warnings not to drive the next day.
我们飞到巴尔的摩，计划第二天和约翰的姐姐及其家人一起开车去纽约。但是大自然并不合作。那是1960年的冬天，那一年打破了东海岸的降雪记录。当时刮起了台风。天气预报严厉警告第二天不要开车。
When we finally arrived t hat night, the landscape of the outskirts of New York had been transformed into a Nordic paradise. John’s father still had no idea we were coming. Wrapped in a huge thermal coat. John knocked on the front door. “How hard it is snowing!”He said to his dad. When his puzzled father finally recognized him and ascertained what really happened, he sank back into a chair. How had we appeared from Texas in the midst of a bleak snowstorm so fierce that airports had canceled flights? All of us thought that to make the old man stunned and pleased was worth the freezing on the long journey.
当我们终于在那天晚上到达时，纽约郊外的景色已经变成了北欧人的天堂。约翰的父亲仍然不知道我们要来。包裹在一件巨大的保暖外套里。约翰敲了敲前门。“雪下得真大！”他对他爸爸说。当他困惑的父亲终于认出他并弄清楚到底发生了什么事时，他又坐回到椅子上。我们是如何从德克萨斯州出现在一场如此猛烈的阴冷暴风雪中，以至于机场取消了航班？我们大家都认为，为了让老人感到震惊和高兴，值得在长途旅行中受冻。
That night the eight adults went out for a formal makeup birthday banquet at a restaurant. The atmosphere was strange and bittersweet. A 70th birthday celebration innately has a dark note; to make a fuss of it is to acknowledge that the life is finite. Death may come at any hour. Aching with cramps and grief, I had wanted to stay home in bed. The sufferings spoiled my appetite. But John and his family had insisted on my joining them, and they were right. Our communal dinner honored our father’s long life. We were family; sharing great meals was our glue and our comfort. We all drowned our complicated emotions in the toasts to my father-in-law.
那天晚上，八个大人去一家餐馆参加一个正式的化妆生日宴会。那里的气氛奇怪而又苦乐参半。一个70岁的生日庆祝活动有一个阴暗的音符；对它小题大做就是承认生命是有限的。死亡随时可能降临。由于抽筋和悲伤，我一直想待在家里的床上。痛苦使我食欲大减。但是约翰和他的家人坚持要我加入他们，他们是对的。我们的公共晚餐是为了纪念父亲的长寿。我们是一家人，分享美味佳肴是我们的粘合剂和慰藉。我们都把复杂的情绪淹没在对岳父的祝酒中。
We didn’t make it into the city for our elegant dinner: the roads and bridges were Virtually in accessible. We ended up eating at a neighborhood Chinese restaurant. Excited by our successful adventure, we made a noisy, festive party around the big family table. John and I exchanged a glance — now? Then I respectfully presented his father with a gift-wrapped box. He opened it, stared bewildered at our gift, a baby doll in a fabric fashioned from a Texas flag. He held up the doll and kept saying”Oh my Cod!”with watering blue eyes. It traveled around the table, everyone congratulated us.
我们进城并不是为了享用优雅的晚餐：道路和桥梁几乎是可以到达的。最后我们在附近的一家中餐馆吃饭。我们为这次成功的冒险感到兴奋，围着家里的大桌子举行了一个热闹、欢乐的派对。约翰和我交换了一下眼神——现在？然后，我恭敬地送给他父亲一个礼品包装盒。他打开礼物，目瞪口呆地看着我们的礼物，一个用德克萨斯州旗帜做成的布料制成的娃娃。他举起洋娃娃，不停地说：“哦，我的上帝！”流着泪的蓝眼睛。它绕着桌子走，每个人都祝贺我们。
The next morning, I started to bleed and to feel pain. Then to bleed more. Both my sisters-in-law had suffered troublesome pregnancies. Late that afternoon they sat with me and John in his boyhood bedroom as we struggled to face the matter. I found a spiritual comfort from their concern and anxiety. A call to my doctor confirmed the terrible truth: I had probably had an abortion.
第二天早上，我开始流血并感到疼痛。然后流更多的血。我的两个嫂子在怀孕期间都经历了一些麻烦。那天下午晚些时候，他们和我还有约翰一起坐在他儿时的卧室里，我们努力面对这个问题。我从他们的关心和焦虑中得到了精神上的安慰。打电话给我的医生证实了这个可怕的事实：我可能流产了。
I saw the doll lying abandoned in the back of my sister-in-law’s station wagon. Its face smiled up at me mockingly. Let them throw it out. I thought. I wished we had never given my father-in-law that absurd baby doll.
看到那个被遗弃在我嫂子旅行车后面的娃娃。它的脸笑着嘲弄地看着我。让他们把它扔掉。我想，真希望我们从来没有把那个可笑的洋娃娃送给我的岳父。
Back home. John and I were struck down by the power of our grief. Neither of us could drag ourselves to work. We felt like a couple of baggage in a locker. After we had tried so long and got pregnant, the miscarriage was a tough, depressing loss. And to have lost the pregnancy so publicly made it even worse.
回家。约翰和我被我们悲痛的力量击倒了。我们谁也不能拖着自己去上班。我们感觉自己就像置物柜里的一对行李。在我们尝试了这么长时间并且怀孕之后，流产是一个艰难而令人沮丧的损失。而当众流产更是雪上加霜。
But once again, nature surprised us. Two months later, almost by accident, I turned up pregnant — a miracle! This time, we superstitiously kept the news to ourselves for a full three months. During those long days, we barely even allowed ourselves to believe in the pregnancy. If we had no expectations, then maybe we couldn’t be hurt. But despite our fears, this one was a keeper. The little being inside me lived and blossomed, grasped kicked, and together we grew into fullness.
但是，大自然再一次让我们大吃一惊。两个月后，几乎是偶然，我怀孕了——真是个奇迹！这一次，我们迷信地把这个消息瞒了整整三个月。在那些漫长的日子里，我们几乎不允许自己相信怀孕。如果我们没有期望，也许我们就不会受到伤害。但是尽管我们很害怕，这只是一个守护者。我体内的小生命活了下来，开花了，抓住了踢，我们一起成长为充实的人。
The weather cleared the next day, and we flew home. On the way to the airport,
第二天天气放晴了，我们飞回了家。在去机场的路上
The next morning, when John’s mother Game down to breakfast, she found the doll dressed in the Texas flag. Unknown to US, my old father-in-law had kept the little darling dull tucked away for a year. Before placing the doll next to his wife’s plate, he had taped a note to it. It read”Hi, I’m Addie.”
第二天早上，当约翰的母亲游戏下来吃早餐，她发现娃娃穿着得克萨斯州的旗帜。美国人不知道，我的老岳父把这个小宝贝藏了一年。在把洋娃娃放到妻子的盘子旁边之前，他在上面贴了一张便条。上面写着“嗨，我是艾迪。”
He understood what we did not: life sometimes demands more patience than you can bear. He hadn’t given up hope. Our happiness didn’t come in the form we first expected, but it was delivered just the same.
他明白我们所不明白的：生活有时需要你无法忍受的耐心。他没有放弃希望。我们的幸福并不是以我们最初期望的形式出现的，但是它的表达方式却是一样的。
On January 31, our daughter, Addie, was born. When she emerged after a long, hard labor, I asked for her to be placed skin-to-skin on my chest. She felt warm and solid and delicious. We gazed into each other’s eyes and I was instantly in love. The many obstacles that John and I had Overcome made US go into raptures over the birth of the little being. Among our most joyous phone calls was the one to his parents. We did it! She’s here! She’s perfect!
1月31日，我们的女儿艾迪出生了。经过长时间的艰苦劳动，她出来了，我要求把她贴在我的胸前。她感到温暖、坚实、美味。我们凝视着对方的眼睛，一见钟情。我和约翰克服的许多困难使我们欣喜若狂，小生命的诞生。我们最高兴的电话之一是打给他父母的。我们成功了！她来了！她太完美了！
I tried to make out the intricate structure of individual snowflakes, to Capture their unique beauty. But they melted on my hand. So I gave up and watched as they united into white drifts on our deck, gathering like the fullness of our family’s life.
我试着把单个雪花的复杂结构剪切下来，捕捉它们独特的美。但它们在我手上融化了。所以我放弃了，眼睁睁地看着它们在我们的甲板上汇聚成白色的漂流物，像我们家庭生活的丰富内容一样聚集在一起。
It rarely snows in Austin. Texas, but on Addle’s first birthday, the sky turned gray, then it snowed. The city was in white. I bundled up our sweet girl and carried her outside SO that she could feel and taste the falling snow a rare birthday gift from nature. We laughed as we caught snowflakes on our tongues. I hadn’t seen snow myself since that East Coast storm two years before. Then it had been accompanied by an emotional blizzard. Now I watched it fall gently as I cradled my giggling daughter in my arms. I had learned a lot about love, hope and being a family in two years’ time.
奥斯汀很少下雪。德克萨斯，但是在阿德尔的第一个生日那天，天空变成了灰色，然后下起了雪。城市是白色的。我把我们可爱的女儿裹得严严实实的，把她抱到外面，好让她感受和品尝飘落的雪花。大自然赐予的珍贵生日礼物。我们笑着，因为我们的舌头接住了雪花。自从两年前的东海岸风暴之后，我自己就没见过雪。随之而来的是一场情绪化的暴风雪。现在我看着它轻轻地落下，我把咯咯的笑声女儿抱在怀里。在两年的时间里，我学到了很多关于爱、希望和成为一个家庭的知识。
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