Meanwhile the desire to express myself grew. The few signs I used became less and less adequate, and my failures to make myself understood were invariably followed by outbursts of passion. I felt as if invisible hands were holding me, and I made frantic efforts to free myself. I struggled — not that struggling helped matters, but the spirit of resistance was strong within me; I generally broke down in tears and physical exhaustion. If my mother happened to be near I crept into her arms, too miserable even to remember the cause of the tempest. After a while the need of some means of communication became so urgent that these outbursts occurred daily, sometimes hourly.
随着年龄增长,我想表达的内容也是愈来愈多,光凭几种手势根本就不够用。每当手语表达不了我的意思时,我总是会大发脾气。我感觉仿佛有一双看不见的魔爪正紧箍着我,我发疯似的试图挣脱束缚。我挣扎着,并不是因为有什么效用,而是因为内心有一种强烈的反抗精神。我一般都会大哭一场,精神疲惫。这时母亲若在旁边,我就会扑进她的怀里痛不欲生,甚至连发脾气的缘由都记不起来。不久,我渴望交流的心情变得如此强烈,以至于每天都要发脾气,有时候每个小时都要闹一次。
My parents were deeply grieved and perplexed. We lived a long way from any school for the blind or the deaf, and it seemed unlikely that anyone would come to such an out-of-the-way place as Tuscumbia to teach a child who was both deaf and blind. Indeed, my friends and relatives sometimes doubted whether I could be taught. My mother’s only ray of hope came from Dickens’ “American Notes.” She had read his account of Laura Bridgman, and remembered vaguely that she was deaf and blind, yet had been educated. But she also remembered with a hopeless pang that Dr. Howe, who had discovered the way to teach the deaf and blind, had been dead many years. His methods had probably died with him; and if they had not, how was a little girl in a far-off town in Alabama to receive the benefit of them?
父母非常伤心却又束手无策。当时,我们居住在偏远的塔斯坎比亚小镇,附近根本没有聋盲学校,而且有谁愿意到这种地区来教一个又聋又盲的孩子呢?事实上,亲戚和朋友们都怀疑我是否可教。母亲却在狄更斯[6]的《美国札记》中看到了一线希望。她读过书中劳拉·布里奇曼的故事,隐约记得她是一个聋盲少女,但是受到了教育。但她也记得,发明教育聋盲人方法的豪博士已去世多年,这使她感到了无望的痛苦。他的教育方法多半已经失传,即便他还有传人,像我这样一个身在偏远小镇的小姑娘又怎能从中获益呢?【注:[6]1812—1870,英国批判现实主义小说家,代表作有《匹克威克外传》、《雾都孤儿》等。】
My aunt made me a big doll out of towels. It was the most comical shapeless thing, this improvised doll, with no nose, mouth, ears or eyes — nothing that even the imagination of a child could convert into a face. Curiously enough, the absence of eyes struck me more than all the other defects put together. I pointed this out to everybody with provoking persistency, but no one seemed equal to the task of providing the doll with eyes. A bright idea, however, shot into my mind, and the problem was solved. I tumbled off the seat and searched under it until I found my aunt’s cape, which was trimmed with large beads. I pulled two beads off and indicated to her that I wanted her to sew them on my doll. She raised my hand to her eyes in a questioning way, and I nodded energetically. The beads were sewed in the right place and I could not contain myself for joy; but immediately I lost all interest in the doll. During the whole trip I did not have one fit of temper, there were so many things to keep my mind and fingers busy.
姑姑用毛巾给我做了一个大布娃娃。这个即兴而做的玩具看起来滑稽可笑而且不成形状,没有鼻子、嘴巴、耳朵和眼睛——甚至凭小孩子的想象力,也没法拼凑出这个娃娃的脸孔。奇怪的是,其他所有毛病都没什么,我就是受不了它没有眼睛。我不厌其烦地向大家指出这个毛病,可是,好像谁也没有办法为这个娃娃安上眼睛。我灵机一动,突然有了主意。我滑下座位,在下面摸索着,最后找到了姑姑缀有大珠子的披肩。我从上面扯下两颗珠子,示意姑姑帮我缝到娃娃的脸上。姑姑拉起我的手放在她的眼睛上来确认我的用意,我一个劲地点头。姑姑把珠子缝到了娃娃脸上,我兴奋不已。但没多久,我就对娃娃失去了兴趣。整个旅途中,我一次脾气都没发过。新鲜事物太多,我忙个不停,无暇他顾。
When I was about six years old, my father heard of an eminent oculist in Baltimore, who had been successful in many cases that had seemed hopeless. My parents at once determined to take me to Baltimore to see if anything could be done for my eyes.
我六岁那年,父亲听说巴尔的摩有一位著名的眼科医生,曾成功治好过很多人看上去毫无希望的眼睛,父母立刻决定带我去那里治疗,看看有没有什么能治好我眼睛的方法。
The journey, which I remember well was very pleasant. I made friends with many people on the train. One lady gave me a box of shells. My father made holes in these so that I could string them, and for a long time they kept me happy and contented. The conductor, too, was kind. Often when he went his rounds I clung to his coat tails while he collected and punched the tickets. His punch, with which he let me play, was a delightful toy. Curled up in a corner of the seat I amused myself for hours making funny little holes in bits of cardboard.
至今我仍记得那次愉快的旅行。在火车上我交了很多朋友。一位女士送给我一盒贝壳,父亲在上面钻出小孔,这样我就可以用线把它们穿起来。我兴致勃勃地玩了很久,觉得既快乐又满足。列车员也很和蔼可亲,他在车上来回检票,我常常拉着他的衣角跟着跑。他还让我玩他检票用的打孔器,那东西实在是太好玩了!我一连几小时蜷缩在座位的一角,在一些零碎的硬卡片上打孔,乐此不疲。
Dr. Bell advised my father to write to Mr. Anagnos, director of the Perkins Institution in Boston, the scene of Dr. Howe’s great labours for the blind, and ask him if he had a teacher competent to begin my education. This my father did at once, and in a few weeks there came a kind letter from Mr. Anagnos with the comforting assurance that a teacher had been found. This was in the summer of 1886. But Miss Sullivan did not arrive until the following March.
贝尔博士建议我父亲给波士顿珀金斯学校的校长阿纳格诺斯先生写一封信,看看他能否为我物色一位合适的启蒙老师。这所学校正是豪博士致力于盲人教育的地方。父亲立即照办,仅过了几个星期,阿纳格诺斯先生充满热情的回信便传来佳音:我的启蒙教师已经找到了。那是1886年的夏天。但等到沙利文小姐到我们家时,已经是次年三月了。
When we arrived in Baltimore, Dr. Chisholm received us kindly: but he could do nothing. He said, however, that I could be educated, and advised my father to consult Dr. Alexander Graham Bell of Washington, who would be able to give him information about schools and teachers of deaf or blind children. Acting on the doctor’s advice, we went immediately to Washington to see Dr. Bell, my father with a sad heart and many misgivings, I wholly unconscious of his anguish, finding pleasure in the excitement of moving from place to place. Child as I was, I at once felt the tenderness and sympathy which endeared Dr. Bell to so many hearts, as his wonderful achievements enlist their admiration. He held me on his knee while I examined his watch, and he made it strike for me. He understood my signs, and I knew it and loved him at once. But I did not dream that that interview would be the door through which I should pass from darkness into light, from isolation to friendship, companionship, knowledge, love.
在巴尔的摩,奇泽姆医生热情地接待了我们,可他对我的眼睛无能为力。不过,他告诉父亲,我可以接受教育,并且建议父亲向华盛顿的亚历山大·格雷厄姆·贝尔博士进行咨询,也许他能帮忙提供关于聋盲儿童学校以及老师的资料。听了医生的话,我们立即赶往华盛顿去见贝尔博士。父亲一路上郁郁寡欢、疑虑重重,而我对他的苦恼毫不知情,只觉得旅途上来来往往好不有趣。尽管我还是个孩子,但初次见到贝尔博士便感受到了他的慈爱与同情心。正是这些品德使许多人对他爱戴备至,如同他的高超医术为他赢得钦佩一样。他抱起我,让我坐在他的膝头,而我则玩起了他的表,他让我感受手表报时的震动。他看得懂我的手势,我知道后很快就喜欢上了他。可我做梦也没想到,这次会面会使我摆脱黑暗,走向光明,摆脱孤独,走向友谊,获得同伴,获得知识,获得友爱。
Thus I came up out of Egypt and stood before Sinai, and a power divine touched my spirit and gave it sight, so that I beheld many wonders. And from the sacred mountain I heard a voice which said, “Knowledge is love and light and vision.”
就这样,我走出埃及,站在了西奈山[7]前。一股神力触及我的灵魂,让我眼前出现许多奇景。圣山上传来了这样的声音:“知识即爱,知识即光明,知识即远见。”【注:[7]Mount Sinai,又叫何烈山,位于西奈半岛中部,海拔2285米,是基督教的圣山。】
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