第十四章: 高文的第二次浮想 Gawain’s Second Reverie
I saw them first as small figures far below and took them for those others. “See down there, Horace,” I said then. “Already they’ve found each other. Already they come, and as though that fellow took no wounds at all from Brennus.”
一开始，我看到他们在山下，显得很小，还以为是那两个人来了呢。“你看山下，霍拉斯，”我说。“他们都已经碰头啦。他们都已经来啦，好像和布雷纳斯的人打了一架，那家伙一点儿也没受伤。”
This cursed wind. Is this a storm before us? Horace will mind neither wind nor rain, only that a stranger sits astride him now and not his old master. “Just a weary woman,” I tell him, “with greater need of the saddle than me. So carry her in good grace.” Yet why is she here at all? Does Master Axl not see how frail she grows? Has he lost his mind to bring her to these unforgiving heights? But she presses on as determined as he, and nothing I say will turn them back. So I stagger here on foot, a hand on Horace’s bridle, heaving this rusty coat. “Did we not always serve ladies with courtesy?” I murmur to Horace. “Would we ride on, leaving this good couple tugging at their goat?”
这该死的风。我们这是要遇到风暴吗？是风是雨，霍拉斯都不会在意，只是现在坐在他身上的，是个陌生人，不是他的老主人。“就是个疲惫的女人，”我告诉他，“比我更需要骑马。所以你好好驮着她吧。”可她还在这儿干什么呢？她有多么虚弱，难道埃克索阁下看不出来吗？带她到这苦寒的高山上来，难道他疯了吗？可她自己要往前走，和他一样倔强，无论我怎么说，他们都不回头。所以，我只好踉踉跄跄地步行，一只手扶着霍拉斯的鞍子，拖着这上锈的盔甲。“我们以前对女士不都很有礼貌吗？”我低声对霍拉斯说。“难道我们自己走自己的路，丢下这对拉着羊的老夫妻不管？”
And Horace looked my way thoughtfully, as though to ask, “Then, Gawain, will this be the last time we climb this bleak slope together?” And I gave no reply but to stroke gently his neck, though I thought to myself, “That warrior’s young and a terrible fellow. Yet I may have the beating of him, who’s to say? I saw something even as he brought down Brennus’s man. Another would not see it, yet I did. A small opening on the left for a canny foe.”
霍拉斯呢，朝我这边若有所思地看了一眼，好像是问：“那么，高文啊，这是我们最后一次一起爬这陡坡了吗？”我没有回答，只是轻轻摸摸他的脖子，可我心里想，“那武士是个年轻而可怕的家伙。不过，也许我斗得过他呢，谁知道？他打倒布雷纳斯的手下时，我就看出来了。换作别人是看不出来的，但我看出来了。左侧有个小破绽，聪明的对手可以抓住。”
But what would Arthur have me do now? His shadow still falls across the land and engulfs me. Would he have me crouch like a beast awaiting its prey? Yet where to hide on these bare slopes? Will the wind alone conceal a man? Or should I perch on some precipice and hurl down a boulder at them? Hardly the way for a knight of Arthur. I would rather show myself openly, greet him, try once more a little diplomacy. “Turn back, sir. You endanger not just yourself and your innocent companion, but all the good folk of this country. Leave Querig to one who knows her ways. You see me even now on my way to slay her.” But such pleas were ignored before. Why would he hear me now he is come so close, and the bitten boy to guide him to her very door? Was I a fool to rescue that boy? Yet the abbot appals me so, and I know God will thank me for what I did.
但是，如果亚瑟在，现在会希望我怎么做呢？他的影子仍旧笼罩着这块土地，也包围着我。他会让我蹲伏下来，像野兽一样等待猎物吗？可这些山光秃秃的，能藏到哪儿呢？只有风，能把一个人遮住吗？也许，我该找个悬崖，守在上面朝他们扔石头？那可不是亚瑟王骑士的风范。我宁愿公开露面，迎上去，再游说一次试试看。“回去吧，先生。你不仅给你自己和年轻的伙伴带来了危险，还危及到了这个国家所有善良的人们。让一个了解魁瑞格的人来对付魁瑞格。你都看见啦，我这已经准备去杀她了。”但是，类似的请求，他之前并没有理会，现在为什么还要听呢？毕竟他已经到了附近，还有那个被咬过的男孩给他领路，直奔魁瑞格的老巢。救那个男孩，是不是个错误？但是院长真让我震惊，我知道上帝会因此感谢我。
The copse. I remembered it then. Strange how the trees grow so lush there, when the wind sweeps all around so bare. The copse will provide covering for a knight and his horse. I will not pounce like a bandit, yet why show myself a good hour before the encounter?
那片小树林。我想起来了。奇怪的是，那儿的树长得很茂盛，其他地方都被风刮得光溜溜的。小树林容得下一名骑士和他的坐骑。我不会像土匪一样突然跳出来，但是，为什么要提前一个小时就让对方看到我们呢？
“They come as surely as they have a chart,” I said to Horace. “So where shall we wait? Where shall we face them?”
“他们的路线准确无误，好像有地图一样，”我对霍拉斯说。“那我们该在哪儿等呢？我们该在哪儿面对他们呢？”
So I put a little spur on Horace, though it hardly makes an impression on him now, and we crossed the high edge of the land, neither rising nor falling, battered all the way by the wind. We were both thankful to reach those trees, even if they grow so strangely one wonders if Merlin himself cast a spell here. What a fellow was Master Merlin! I thought once he had placed a spell on Death himself, yet even Merlin has taken his path now. Is it heaven or hell he makes his home? Master Axl may believe Merlin a servant of the devil, yet his powers were often enough spent in ways to make God smile. And let it not be said he was without courage. Many times he showed himself to the falling arrows and wild axes alongside us. These may well be Merlin’s woods, and made for this very purpose: that I may some day shelter here to await the one who would undo our great work of that day. Two of us five fell to the she-dragon, yet Master Merlin stood beside us, moving calmly within the sweep of Querig’s tail, for how else could his work be done?
于是我轻轻踢了霍拉斯一下，现在他对此已经没什么反应了，我们穿过了最高的山脊，那儿地面平坦、没有坡度，四面都是冽冽寒风。好不容易到了那树林中，我们俩都谢天谢地，不过那些树长得可真奇怪，让人怀疑是不是梅林亲自在这儿下了咒。梅林阁下真是个人物啊！有一度我以为他给死神都下了咒，可是，现在连梅林也上路啦。他现在住在天堂呢，还是地狱？埃克索阁下也许认为梅林是魔鬼的仆人，但是他却常常用他的本领，去做让上帝微笑的事。也不要说他没有勇气。很多次他和我们并肩战斗，面对飞矢和乱斧。这能算作是梅林的树林吧，长在这儿就为了一个目的：让我有一天能在此歇息，等待那个人，阻止他破坏我们那天成就的伟大事业。我们五个人，两个死在母龙手中，然而梅林阁下站在我们身边，在魁瑞格尾巴的扫击范围内镇定地走着，否则他的功夫怎么能施展呢？
The woods were hushed and peaceful when Horace and I reached them. Even a bird or two singing in the trees, and if the branches stirred wildly, down below was as a calm spring’s day where at last an old man’s thoughts may drift from one ear to the other without tossing in a tempest! It must be several years now since Horace and I were last in these woods. Weeds have grown monstrous here, a nettle rightly the spread of a small child’s palm stands large enough to wrap around a man twice over. I left Horace at a gentle spot to chew on what he could, and wandered a while beneath the sheltering leaves. Why should I not rest here, leaning on this good oak? And when in time they come to this place, as they surely will, he and I will face each other as fellow warriors.
我和霍拉斯到的时候，树林里安静平和。甚至还有一两只鸟在树上唱着歌，虽然头顶上的树枝动个不停，但下面却安安静静，如同平和的春天；在这儿，一个老人终于可以定定神，慢慢理一理脑海里的思绪，而不会满脑子念头像暴风骤雨一样！我和霍拉斯上一次到这树林里来，该是好几年前了吧。地上的野草都长疯了，荨麻叶本来不过小孩手掌摊开那么大，现在却足以把一个成年人裹上两层。我把霍拉斯丢在一个开阔一点的地方，让他去找点儿吃的，自己到浓密的枝叶下走了一会儿。我为什么不歇息在这儿呢，靠着这棵漂亮的橡树？等他们来到这个地方——他们一定会来的，到那时候，我和他要会面啦，武士对武士。
I pushed through the giant nettles — is it for this I have worn this creaking metal? To defend my shins from these feathery stings?– until I reached the clearing and the pond, the grey sky above it peeping through. Around its rim, three great trees, yet each one cracked at the waist and fallen forward into the water. Surely they stood proudly when we were last here. Did lightning strike them? Or did they in weary old age long for the pond’s succour, always so near where they grew, yet beyond reach? They drink all they wish now, and mountain birds nest in their broken spines. Will it be at such a spot I meet the Saxon? If he defeats me I may have life left to crawl to the water. I would not tumble in, even if the ice would admit me, for it would be no pleasure to grow bloated beneath this armour, and what chance Horace, missing his master, will come tip-toeing through the gnarled roots and drag out my remains? Yet I’ve seen comrades in battle yearn for water as they lie with their wounds, and watched yet others crawl to the edge of a river or lake, even though they double their agonies to do so. Is there some great secret known only to dying men? My old comrade, Master Buel, longed for water that day, as he lay on the red clay of that mountain. There’s water here left in my gourd, I told him, but no, he demands a lake or river. But we’re far from any such thing, I say. “Curse you, Gawain,” he cries. “My last wish, will you not grant it, and we comrades through many bold battles?” “But this she-dragon’s all but parted you in two,” I tell him. “If I must carry you to water, I’ll have to go under this summer sun, a separate part of you under each arm before we reach any such place.” But he says to me, “My heart will welcome death only when you lay me down beside water, Gawain, where I hear its gentle lapping as my eyes close.” He demands this, and cares not whether our errand is well done, or if his life is given at a good price. Only when I reach down to raise him does he ask: “Who else survives?” And I tell him Master Millus is fallen, yet three of us still stand, and Master Merlin too. And still he asks not if the errand is well finished, but talks of lakes and rivers, and now even of the sea, and it is all I can do to remember this is my old comrade, and a brave one, chosen like me by Arthur for this great task, even as a battle rages down in the valley. Does he forget his duty? I lift him, and he cries out to the heavens, and only then understands the cost even of a few small steps, and there we are, atop a red mountain in the summer heat, an hour’s journey even on horseback to the river. And as I lower him he talks now only of the sea. His eyes blind now, when I sprinkle water on his face from my gourd, he thanks me the way I suppose in his mind’s eye he stands upon a shore. “Was it sword or axe finished me?” he asks, and I say, “What do you talk of, comrade? It’s the she-dragon’s tail met you, but our task’s done and you depart with pride and honour.” “The she-dragon,” he says. “What’s become of the she-dragon?” “All but one of the spears rest in her flank,” I say, “and now she sleeps.” Yet he forgets the errand again, and talks of the sea, and of a boat he knew as a small boy when his father took him far from the shore on a kind evening.
我穿过巨大的荨麻——我穿着这咯吱作响的金属盔甲，难道是为了这个目的？让小腿不被这柔软的刺扎伤？——最后，我到了那片空地，还有那个池塘，头顶上露出了灰色的天空。周围有三棵大树，但每棵树都从腰间裂开，上半截栽在水里。我们上次来的时候，这些树还站得直挺挺的吧？被雷电击中了吗？或者是树太老了，渴望池塘的滋养？它们离水那么近，却又喝不到？现在，它们想怎么喝就能怎么喝啦，山上的鸟在它们破裂的树干上做了窝。我就要在这样的地方面对那个撒克逊人吗？如果被他打败，我也许还剩点儿力气，能爬到水边。就算那冰不拦着我，我也不愿意滚进水里，穿着这盔甲泡在水里发胀可不是开心的事情；还有霍拉斯呢，他会不会想念主人，小心翼翼跨过盘根错节的树根，把我的尸体拖上来？不过，我见过战场上的战友们，受伤了躺在那儿，渴望喝水；也亲眼见过一些人爬到河边或湖边，尽管这样做让他们备感痛苦。有没有某种大秘密，只有将死的人才知道？我的老战友，比埃尔阁下，那天躺在那座山的红土上，就渴望有水。我的葫芦里还有点水，我对他说，不是，他要的是湖或者河。但我们离得太远了，我说。“我诅咒你，高文，”他叫道。“这是我最后的心愿，你都不答应我，我们还是战友，一起打过那么多仗呢！”“可这母龙把你都撕成两半了，”我对他说。“如果要带你去水边的话，我就要在这夏天的日头下走，一条胳膊夹住你的一半身体，否则到不了那种地方。”可他对我说，“高文啊，我心里不会迎接死亡，除非你把我放在水边，我要听着水轻轻拍打的声音，慢慢闭上眼睛。”他一定要这么做，也不去管我们的任务有没有完成，他为此牺牲值不值得。我弯下腰去抱他的时候，他才问：“还有谁活下来了？”我告诉他，米勒斯阁下牺牲了，但有三个活着，还有梅林阁下。可他还是不问任务有没有完成，只是不停地谈河啊湖啊，甚至还说起了大海，我别的也做不了，只知道这是我的老战友，一位勇士，和我一样，被亚瑟选中来执行这项伟大的任务，虽然山谷里正在开战。他忘记自己的职责了吗？我把他抱起来，他喊得惊天动地，这时候才明白哪怕走几小步，都要付出巨大代价，我们就那样，站在红色的山上，在夏天的烈日下，就是骑马到最近的河也要一个小时。我把他放下来，那时候他嘴里只谈大海啦。他眼睛已经闭上了，我把葫芦里的水洒在他脸上，他感谢我，那样子让我觉得，在他心里，他已经站在了岸边。“结果我的，是剑哪，还是斧子？”他问。我说：“你这是说什么呢，战友？是母龙的尾巴打中了你，但是我们的任务完成了，你带着尊严与荣耀离开。”“母龙，”他说。“母龙怎么啦？”“除了一根之外，所有的矛全扎在她肋部，”我说，“现在她睡着了。”可他又忘了我们的任务，开始谈起大海来，说他小时候就有一条船，晚上如果平静，他父亲就带他到大海深处。
For a while we thought this might be our last, but I had mistaken this good couple for those others, and a while longer we travel in peace. Yet even as I lead Horace by the bridle, I must glance back, for surely they are coming, even if we go well ahead. Master Axl walks beside me, his goat forbidding him a steady step. Does he guess why I look back so often? “Sir Gawain, were we not comrades once?” I heard him ask it early this morning as we came out of the tunnel, and I told him to find a boat to go downstream. Yet here he is, still in the mountains, his good wife beside him. I will not meet his eye. Age cloaks us both, as the grass and weeds cloak the fields where we once fought and slaughtered. What is it you seek, sir? What is this goat you bring?
有一下子，我们以为这就是我们的最后一程，但我们搞错了，把这对好心的夫妻当成了其他人，所以我们又安安静静地多走了一会儿。不过，我一边牵着霍拉斯的缰绳，一边还要回头望，因为他们肯定会来，虽然我们领先了不少路。埃克索阁下在我身边走，因为那只羊，他走得不稳。他猜到了我为什么经常往回看吗？“高文爵士，我们以前不是战友吗？”走出隧道那天清晨，我听他这么问，我让他去找条船，顺河而下。可他还在这儿，仍然在山里，还带着他好心的妻子。我不愿与他目光相对。我们俩都老了，都为年月所遮盖，就像草遮盖着我们曾经战斗过、屠杀过的大地。你想干什么呢，先生？你带着这只羊是怎么回事？
When my own time comes, will I too long for the sea? I think I will be content enough with the soil. And I will not demand the exact spot, but let it be within this country Horace and I have spent the years roaming contentedly. Those dark widows of earlier would cackle to hear me, and hasten to remind me with what I may share my plot of earth. “Foolish knight! You above all need choose your resting place well, or find yourself a neighbour to the very ones you slaughtered!” Did they not make some such jest even as they threw mud at Horace’s rump? How dare they! Were they there? Can it be this woman now rides in my saddle would say as much if she could hear my thoughts? She talked of slaughtered babes down in that foul-aired tunnel, even as I delivered her from the monks’ black plans. How dare she? And now she sits in my saddle, astride my dear battlehorse, and who knows how many more journeys are left to Horace and me?
等我自己的时候到了，我也会渴望大海吗？我想，有泥土我就满足了。我也不会要求某个具体的地方，不过还是在这个国度内吧，我和霍拉斯在这儿开心地游荡了很多年。之前那些黑寡妇要是听我这样说，会笑话我的，会迫不及待地提醒我，我会和谁分享我那抔黄土呢。“愚蠢的骑士！你倒真是要好好挑选安息的地方，否则你会发现，你亲手屠杀的那些人成了你的邻居！”她们朝霍拉斯屁股上扔泥巴的时候，不是也这样嘲笑过吗？她们真是大胆！她们在场吗？现在坐在我马鞍上的这个女人，如果能听到我的内心想法，会不会也那样说呢？她在那个空气污浊的地道里曾说起过婴儿被屠杀，虽然我救了她，僧侣们的阴谋没有得逞。她怎么敢那么说呢？现在她坐在我的马鞍上，骑着我亲爱的战马，我和霍拉斯在一起的旅程，谁知道今后还有没有呢？
“Turn back, friends,” I said when they came upon me in the woods. “This is no walk for elderly travellers like you. And look how the good mistress holds her side. Between here and the giant’s cairn there’s still a mile or more, and the only shelter small rocks behind which one must curl with bowed head. Turn back while you still have strength, and I’ll see this goat’s left at the cairn and tethered well.” But they both eyed me suspiciously, and Master Axl would not let go the goat. The branches rustled above, and his wife seated on the roots of an oak, gazing to the pond and the cracked trees stooping to water, and I said softly: “This is no journey for your good wife, sir. Why did you not do as I advised and take the river down out of these hills?” “We must take this goat where we promised,” says Master Axl. “A promise made to a child.” And does he look at me strangely as he says so, or do I dream it? “Horace and I will take the goat,” I say. “Will you not trust us with the errand? I hardly believe this goat will much trouble Querig even if devoured whole, yet she may be a little slowed and lend me an advantage. So give me the creature and turn back down the mountain before one or the other of you fall in your own footsteps.”
“回去吧，朋友们，”他们在树林里碰到我的时候，我说。“你们这样上了年纪的人，不该朝这儿走。你看看，好心的夫人还捂着腰呢。从这儿到巨人冢，至少还有一英里，只有小石头可以藏身，还得低着头蜷缩在后面。趁你们还有力气，回去吧，我保证把羊带到冢上拴好。”但是，两人都半信半疑地看着我，埃克索阁下拉着羊不放。头顶的树枝瑟瑟作响，他妻子坐在一棵橡树的树根上，眼睛望着池塘，以及那几棵俯身水面的断树。我轻声说：“这路不适合你的好妻子，先生。为什么不接受我的建议，顺着河走，离开山里呢？”“我们必须把羊牵到我们承诺的地方，”埃克索阁下说。“我们答应过一个孩子。”说这话的时候，他有没有奇怪地看着我呢？还是我做梦？“我和霍拉斯可以把羊送去，”我说。“这任务交给我们，你不放心吗？这羊就算被魁瑞格一口吞下去，我也不相信能把她怎么样，也许能耽搁她一会儿，给我制造个机会。所以呢，把这羊给我们吧，你们回头下山，要不你们两人走着走着，说不定就要摔倒啦。”
They moved then into the trees away from me, and I could hear the shape of their lowered voices, but no words. Then Master Axl comes to me and says: “A moment more for my wife to rest, then we will carry on, sir, to the giant’s cairn.” I see it is useless to argue more, and I also eager to continue on our way, for who knows how far behind is Master Wistan and his bitten boy?
他们走到一旁的树丛中，避开我，我能听到他们压低了声音在说话，但听不见说的是什么。然后埃克索阁下走到我跟前，说：“我妻子再休息一会儿，然后我们就继续走，先生，到巨人冢去。”我明白再争辩已经没有用了，而且我自己也急着上路，维斯坦阁下和他那个被咬的孩子在后面还有多远，谁知道呢？
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