“Who is he? How do we find him?” I said.
“他是谁？我们怎样才能找到他？”我说。
“You call yourself a director?” Farid said. Zaman dropped his hands. “I haven’t been paid in over six months. I’m broke because I’ve spent my life’s savings on this orphanage. Everything I ever owned or inherited I sold to run this godforsaken place. You think I don’t have family in Pakistan and Iran? I could have run like everyone else. But I didn’t. I stayed. I stayed because of them.” He pointed to the door. “If I deny him one child, he takes ten. So I let him take one and leave the judging to Allah. I swallow my pride and take his goddamn filthy… dirty money. Then I go to the bazaar and buy food for the children.” Farid dropped his eyes.
“你还说自己是负责人？”察曼放下手：“我已经有六个月没有收入了。我破产了，因为我毕生的积蓄，都投在这个恤孤院。我卖掉一切财产和遗产，来维持这个凄凉的地方。你以为我没有家人在巴基斯坦和伊朗吗？我完全可以像其他人那样一走了之。但我没有，我留下。我留下来，全是为了他们。”他指着门，“如果我拒绝给他一个孩子，他会带走十个。所以我让他带走，让安拉来作决定。我忍气吞声，拿过他那些该死的、肮脏的臭钱，然后到市场去，给孩子买食物。”法里德垂下眼睛。
“What happens to the children he takes?” I asked. Zaman rubbed his eyes with his forefinger and thumb. “Some times they come back.”
“被他带走的孩子会怎样？”我问。察曼用食指和拇指揉揉眼睛：“有时他们会回来。”
“Go to Ghazi Stadium tomorrow. You’ll see him at halftime. He’ll be the one wearing black sunglasses.” He picked up his broken glasses and turned them in his hands. “I want you to go now. The children are frightened.” He escorted us out. As the truck pulled away, I saw Zaman in the side-view mirror, standing in the doorway. A group of children surrounded him, clutching the hem of his loose shirt. I saw he had put on his broken glasses.
“明天到伽兹体育馆去，中场休息的时候你会看到他，他就是那个戴着黑色太阳镜的人。”他捡起他的破眼镜，在手里翻转，“我要你们现在就离开，孩子吓坏了。”他送我们出去。车开走的时候，我从侧视镜看到察曼，他站在门口，一群孩子围在他身边，拉着他松开的衬衣下摆。我看见他戴上那副破眼镜。
Farid nodded. “You can get good money for it on the black market. Feed your kids for a couple of weeks.” To MY SURPRISE, most of the houses in the WazirAkbar Khan district still had roofs and standing walls. In fact, they were in pretty good shape. Trees still peeked over the walls, and the streets weren’t nearly as rubble-strewn as the ones in Karteh-Seh. Faded streets signs, some twisted and bullet-pocked, still pointed the way.
法里德点头：“在黑市可以卖个好价钱，足以喂饱你的孩子好几个星期。”让我意外的是，瓦兹尔·阿克巴·汗区的房子多数依然有屋顶，墙壁依然完整。实际上，它们保存完好。墙头仍有树枝伸出来，街道也不像卡德察区那样，到处是废墟垃圾。褪色的指路牌虽说偶有弯曲和弹孔，仍指引着方向。
We crossed the river and drove north through the crowded Pashtunistan Square. Baba used to take me to Khyber Restaurant there for kabob. The building was still standing, but its doors were padlocked, the windows shattered, and the letters K and R missing from its name.
我们过河，向北驶去，穿过拥挤的普什图广场，从前爸爸常带我到那儿的开伯尔餐馆吃烤肉。那屋宇依然挺立，只是大门上了挂锁，窗户破裂，招牌上不见了“K”和“R”两个字母。
I saw a dead body near the restaurant. There had been a hanging. A young man dangled from the end of a rope tied to a beam, his face puffy and blue, the clothes he’d worn on the last day of his life shredded, bloody. Hardly anyone seemed to notice him.
在餐馆附近，我见到一具尸体。那儿行过绞刑，有个年轻人被吊起来，绳索末端绑在横梁上，他脸庞青肿，寿终那日，他穿着残破的衣服，染着血迹。人们对他视而不见。
“He’s selling his leg?”
“他要卖掉他的腿？”
We rode silently through the square and headed toward the WazirAkbar Khan district. Everywhere I looked, a haze of dust covered the city and its sun-dried brick buildings. A few blocks north of Pashtunistan Square, Farid pointed to two men talking animatedly at a busy street corner. One of them was hobbling on one leg, his other leg amputated below the knee. He cradled an artificial leg in his arms. “You know what they’re doing? Haggling over the leg.”
我们默默驶过广场，直奔瓦兹尔·阿克巴·汗区。我目光所及，见到的总是一座尘雾笼罩的城市，还有生砖垒成的建筑。在普什图广场往北几条街，法里德指着两个男人，他们在繁忙的街角相谈甚欢。其中有个金鸡独立，他另外那条腿从膝盖以下不见了，怀里抱着一根义肢。“你知道他们在干什么吗？就那条腿讨价还价呢。”
“This isn’t so bad,” I remarked.
“这儿不算太糟。”我评论说。
“No surprise. Most of the important people live here now.”
“别奇怪，现在多数重要人物住在这里。”
“Them too,” Farid said.
“他们也是。”法里德说。
“Taliban?”
“塔利班？”
“Who else?” He drove us into a wide street with fairly clean sidewalks and walled homes on either side. “The people behind the Taliban. The real brains of this government, if you can call it that: Arabs, Chechens, Pakistanis,” Farid said. He pointed northwest. “Street 15, that way, is called Sarak-e-Mehmana.” Street of the Guests. “That’s what they call them here, guests. I think someday these guests are going to pee all over the carpet.”
“还有谁？”我们驶上一条宽广的街道，两边是相当干净的人行道，还有高墙耸立的住宅。“塔利班背后的人，政府的真正首脑，你也可以这么叫他们：阿拉伯人，车臣人，巴基斯坦人。”法里德说，他指着西北方向：“那边的十五号街叫迎宾大道。他们在这儿的尊号就是这个，宾客。我想有朝一日，这些贵宾会在地毯上到处撒尿。”
“I think that’s it!” I said. “Over there!” I pointed to the landmark that used to serve as a guide for me when I was a kid. If you ever get lost, Baba used to say, remember that our street is the one with the pink house at the end of it. The pink house with the steeply pitched roof had been the neighborhood’s only house of that color in the old days. It still was. Farid turned onto the street. I saw Baba’s house right away. WE FIND THE LITTLE TURTLE behind tangles of sweetbrier in the yard. We don’t know how it got there and we’re too excited to care. We paintits shell a bright red, Hassan’s idea, and a good one: This way, we’ll never lose it in the bushes. We pretend we’re a pair of daredevil explorers who’ve discovered a giant prehistoric monster in some distant jungle and we’ve brought it back for the world to see. We set it down in the wooden wagon Ali built Hassan last winter for his birthday, pretend it’s a giant steel cage. Behold the firebreathing monstrosity! We march on the grass and pull the wagon behind us, around apple and cherry trees, which become skyscrap ers soaring into clouds, heads poking out of thousands of windows to watch the spectacle passing below. We walk over the little semi lunar bridge Baba has built near a cluster of fig trees; it becomes a great suspension bridge joining cities, and the little pond below, a foamy sea. Fireworks explode above the bridge’s massive pylons and armed soldiers salute us on both sides as gigantic steel cables shoot to the sky. The little turtle bouncing around in the cab, we drag the wagon around the circular red brick driveway outside the wroughtiron gates and return the salutes of the world’s leaders as they stand and applaud. We are Hassan and Amir, famed adventurers and the world’s greatest explorers, about to receive a medal of honor for our courageous feat…
“我想就是它！”我说，“在那边！”我指着一处地标，小时候，我常靠着它认路。如果你迷路了，爸爸过去说，记得在我们街道的尽头，有一座粉红色的房子。从前，附近只有这座屋顶高耸的房子是粉红色的。现在还是这样。法里德转上那条街。我立即看到爸爸的房子。我们在院子里的蔷薇花丛后面找到那只小乌龟。我们不知道它怎么会在那里，而我们太高兴了，顾不上关心这个。我们把它涂成鲜红色，哈桑的主意，也是个好主意：这样，我们永远不会在灌木丛中找不到它。我们扮成两个孤胆英雄，在某处遥远的丛林，发现一只巨大的史前怪兽，我们将它带回来，让世人开开眼界。去年冬天，阿里造了一辆木车，送给哈桑当生日礼物。我们假装它是巨大的铁笼，将乌龟放在上面。抓住那只喷火的怪兽了！我们在草丛中游行，背后拖着木车，周围是苹果树和樱桃树，它们变成高耸入云的摩天大厦，人头从成千上万的窗户探出来，争睹楼下的奇观。我们走过爸爸在无花果树林边上搭建的那座小拱桥，它变成连接城市的巨大吊桥；而它下面的小水塘则是波涛汹涌的大海。烟花在壮观的桥塔上方绽放，两边有荷枪实弹的士兵朝我们敬礼，还有巨大的桥索射向天空。小乌龟在车上颠来颠去，我们拖着木车，沿红砖车道穿出锻铁大门，全世界的领导人起立鼓掌，我们报以敬礼。我们是哈桑和阿米尔，著名的冒险家，无人可以匹敌的探险家，正要接受一枚表彰我们丰功伟绩的勋章…
GINGERLY, I WALKED up the driveway where tufts of weed now grew between the sun-faded bricks. I stood outside the gates of my father’s house, feeling like a stranger. I set my hands on the rusty bars, remembering how I’d run through these same gates thousands of times as a child, for things that mattered not at all now and yet had seemed so important then. I peered in. The driveway extension that led from the gates to the yard, where Hassan and I took turns falling the summer we learned to ride a bike, didn’t look as wide or as long as I remembered it. The asphalt had split in a lightning-streak pattern, and more tangles of weed sprouted through the fissures. Most of the poplar trees had been chopped down — the trees Hassan and I used to climb to shine our mirrors into the neighbors’ homes. The ones still standing were nearly leafless. The Wall of Ailing Corn was still there, though I saw no corn, ailing or otherwise, along that wall now. The paint had begun to peel and sections of it had sloughed off altogether. The lawn had turned the same brown as the haze of dust hovering over the city, dotted by bald patches of dirt where nothing grew at all.
我小心翼翼地走上那条车道，太阳晒得砖块色泽黯淡，砖缝之间杂草丛生。我站在我爸爸房子的大门外面，形同路人。我把手放在锈蚀的铁栅上，回忆起儿童年代，为了一些现在看来微不足道、但当时觉得至关重要的事情，我曾成千上万次跑过这扇大门。我望进去。车道从大门伸进院子，当年夏天，我和哈桑就在这里轮流学骑自行车，先后摔倒，它看起来没有我记忆中那么宽。柏油路裂开闪电状的缝隙，从中长出更多的野草。多数白杨树已经被伐倒——过去哈桑和我常常爬上那些树，用镜子将光线照进邻居家，那些仍伫立着的树如今叶子稀疏。病玉米之墙仍在那儿，然而我没有看到玉米，无论病的还是健康的。油漆已经开始剥落，有数处已然整块掉下。草坪变成棕色，跟弥漫在这座城市上空的尘雾一样，点缀着几处裸露的泥土，上面根本没有东西生长。
“Just give me one more minute,” I said. The house itself was far from the sprawling white mansion I remembered from my childhood. It looked smaller. The roof sagged and the plaster was cracked. The windows to the living room, the foyer, and the upstairs guest bathroom were broken, patched haphazardly with sheets of clear plastic or wooden boards nailed across the frames. The paint, once sparkling white, had faded to ghostly gray and eroded in parts, revealing the layered bricks beneath. The front steps had crumbled. Like so much else in Kabul, my father’s house was the picture of fallen splendor. I found the window to my old bedroom, second floor, third window south of the main steps to the house. I stood on tiptoes, saw nothing behind the window but shadows. Twenty-five years earlier, I had stood behind that same window, thick rain dripping down the panes and my breath fogging up the glass. I had watched Hassan and Ali load their belongings into the trunk of my father’s car.
“再给我一分钟就好。”我说。房子本身远不是我自童年起便熟悉的宽敞白色房子。它看上去变小了，屋顶塌陷，泥灰龟裂。客厅、门廊，还有楼顶客房的浴室，这些地方的窗户统统破裂，被人漫不经心地补上透明的塑料片，或者用木板钉满窗框。曾经光鲜的白漆如今黯淡成阴森的灰色，有些已经蜕落，露出下面层层砖块，前面的台阶已经倾颓。和喀布尔其他地方如此相似，我爸爸的房子一派繁华不再的景象。我看到自己那间旧卧房的窗户，在二楼，房间的主楼梯以南第三个窗户。我踮起脚，除了阴影，看不见窗户后面有任何东西。二十五年前，我曾站在同一扇窗户后面，大雨敲打窗片，我呼出的气在玻璃上结成雾。我目睹哈桑和阿里将他们的行囊放进爸爸轿车的后厢。
A jeep was parked in the driveway and that looked all wrong: Baba’s black Mustang belonged there. For years, the Mustang’s eight cylinders roared to life every morning, rousing me from sleep. I saw that oil had spilled under the jeep and stained the driveway like a big Rorschach inkblot. Beyond the jeep, an empty wheelbarrow lay on its side. I saw no sign of the rosebushes that Baba and Ali had planted on the left side of the driveway, only dirt that spilled onto the asphalt. And weeds. Farid honked twice behind me. “We should go, Agha. We’ll draw attention,” he called.
车道上停了一辆吉普，看上去全然错了：爸爸的黑色野马属于那儿。很多年前，野马的八个气缸每天早晨轰轰作响，将我唤醒。我看见吉普下面漏着油，滴在车道上，活像一块大大的墨渍。吉普车后面，一辆空空的独轮车侧倾倒地。车道左边，我看不到爸爸和阿里所种的蔷薇花丛，只有溅上柏油的泥土和杂草。法里德在我背后揿了两次喇叭。“我们该走了，老爷。我们会惹人疑心。”他喊道。
“I’m coming,” I shot back.
“我来了。”我回他一句。
“I have to look at one more thing,” I told him.
“我得再去看一件东西。”我跟他说。
Another honk. I walked back to the Land Cruiser parked along the sidewalk. Farid sat smoking behind the wheel.
又是一声喇叭。我走回停在路边的陆地巡洋舰。法里德在车里吸烟。
“To go on,” Farid said. He flicked his cigarette out of the window. “How much more do you need to see? Let me save you the trouble: Nothing that you remember has survived. Best to forget.”
“活下去。”法里德说，他将烟蒂弹出车窗，“你还要看多少东西？让我替你省下麻烦吧。你记得的东西，没有一件存下来。最好都忘了。”
“I don’t want to forget anymore,” I said. “Give me ten minutes.” WE HARDLY BROKE A SWEAT, Hassan and I, when we hiked up the hill just north of Baba’s house. We scampered about the hilltop chasing each other or sat on a sloped ridge where there was a good view of the airport in the distance. We’d watch airplanes take off and land. Go running again.
“我不想再遗忘了，”我说，“等我十分钟。”当我们爬上爸爸房子北边那座山的时候，我们，我和哈桑，几乎一点汗都没出。我们在山顶奔走嬉闹，彼此追逐，或者坐在倾斜的山脊上，在那儿可以将远处的机场尽收眼底。我们看着飞机起降，又嬉闹起来。
“Go, then.” Then, just as I was turning to go: “Just forget it all. Makes it easier.”
“那么，去吧。”接着，我正要转身离开，“都忘了吧，让它容易一些。”
“Amir agha,” Farid called again.
“阿米尔老爷。”法里德又喊了。
“Give me ten minutes.”
“给我十分钟。”
“To what?”
“让什么容易一些？”
“Can you hurry?”
“你能快点吗？”
Insanely, I wanted to go in. Wanted to walk up the front steps where Ali used to make Hassan and me take off our snow boots. I wanted to step into the foyer, smell the orange peel Ali always tossed into the stove to burn with sawdust. Sit at the kitchen table, have tea with a slice of _naan_, listen to Hassan sing old Hazara songs.
发疯似的，我想进去。想踏上前门的台阶，过去阿里经常在那儿，要我和哈桑脱掉雪靴。我想走进门廊，闻闻橙皮的香味，阿里总是将它们扔到炉里，跟锯屑一起燃烧。我想坐在厨房的桌子边，喝茶，吃一片馕饼，听哈桑唱古老的哈扎拉歌谣。
Hassan had said in his letter that the pomegranate tree hadn’t borne fruit in years. Looking at the wilted, leafless tree, I doubted it ever would again. I stood under it, remembered all the times we’d climbed it, straddled its branches, our legs swinging, dappled sunlight flickering through the leaves and casting on our faces a mosaic of light and shadow. The tangy taste of pomegranate crept into my mouth.
哈桑在信中提到，石榴树已经多年没有结果实了。看着那枯萎凋零的树木，我怀疑它是否能够再次开花结果。我站在它下面，想起我们无数次爬上去，坐在枝桠上，双腿摇晃，斑驳的阳光穿越过树叶，在我们脸上投射出交错的光和影。我嘴里涌起强烈的石榴味道。
I leaned against the gray stone gateway to the cemetery where Hassan had buried his mother. The old metal gates hanging off the hinges were gone, and the headstones were barely visible through the thick tangles of weeds that had claimed the plot. A pair of crows sat on the low wall that enclosed the cemetery.
我再次倚着墓园的灰色石门，哈桑就在里面埋葬了他母亲。过去那扇折叶松脱的铁门已经不见了，浓密的杂草已经占领这片土地，几乎将墓碑全然掩埋。两只乌鸦栖息在墓园低矮的围墙上。
Now, by the time I reached the top of the craggy hill, each ragged breath felt like inhaling fire. Sweat trickled down my face. I stood wheezing for a while, a stitch in my side. Then I went looking for the abandoned cemetery. It didn’t take me long to find it. It was still there, and so was the old pomegranate tree.
如今，当我爬上崎岖的山顶，气息粗重，仿佛要喷出火来，脸上汗水直流。我站着喘了好一会，身子一阵刺痛。然后我去看那废弃的墓园，没费多少时间就找到了，它仍在那儿，那株苍老的石榴树也在。
I hunkered down on my knees and brushed my hands against the trunk. I found what I was looking for. The carving had dulled, almost faded altogether, but it was still there: “Amir and Hassan. The Sultans of Kabul.” I traced the curve of each letter with my fingers. Picked small bits of bark from the tiny crevasses.
我屈膝蹲下，双手抚摸着树干。我见到我所要找的，刻痕模糊，几乎全然消退，但它仍在：“阿米尔和哈桑，喀布尔的苏丹。”我用手指顺着每个字母的笔画，从那些细微的裂缝刮下一点点树皮。
I sat cross-legged at the foot of the tree and looked south on the city of my childhood. In those days, treetops poked behind the walls of every house. The sky stretched wide and blue, and laundry drying on clotheslines glimmered in the sun. If you listened hard, you might even have heard the call of the fruit seller passing through Wazir Akbar Khan with his donkey: Cherries! Apricots! Grapes! In the early evening, you would have heard azan, the mueszzin’s call to prayer from the mosque in Shar-e-Nau.
我盘膝坐在树下，朝南眺望这座我童年的城市。曾几何时，家家户户的围墙都有树梢探出来，天空广袤而澄蓝，在阳光下闪闪发亮的晾衣线挂满衣物。如果你仔细听，兴许你甚至能听到来自瓦兹尔·阿克巴·汗区的叫卖声，兜售水果的小贩高喊：樱桃！杏子！葡萄！日暮时分，你还可以听到钟声，来自沙里诺区的清真寺，召唤人们前去祷告。
I heard a honk and saw Farid waving at me. It was time to go. WE DROVE SOUTH AGAIN, back toward Pashtunistan Square. We passed several more red pickup trucks with armed, bearded young men crammed into the cabs. Farid cursed under his breath every time we passed one.
我听见喇叭声，看到法里德朝我招手。是该走的时候了。我们又朝南驶去，回到普什图广场。我们和好几辆红色的皮卡擦身而过，车斗上挤满荷枪实弹、留着大胡子的年轻人。每次遇到他们，法里德都会低声咒骂。
There was no hot running water and the cracked toilet didn’t flush. Just a single steel-frame bed with a worn mattress, a ragged blanket, and a wooden chair in the corner. The window overlooking the square had broken, hadn’t been replaced. As I lowered my suitcase, I noticed a dried bloodstain on the wall behind the bed.
房间没有热水，破旧的厕所无法冲水。只有一张铁床，一张破褥子，一条旧毛毯，角落摆着只木椅。正对广场的窗户破了，还没修补。我放下行李箱，发现床后的墙壁上有块干了的血迹。
I gave Farid some money and he went out to get food. He returned with four sizzling skewers of kabob, fresh _naan_, and a bowl of white rice. We sat on the bed and all but devoured the food. There was one thing that hadn’t changed in Kabul after all: The kabob was as succulent and delicious as I remembered.
我给法里德钱，让他出去买吃的。他带回四串热得磁口兹响的烤肉，刚出炉的馕饼，还有一碗白米饭。我们坐在床上，埋头大吃。毕竟，喀布尔还有一样没有改变的事情：烤肉依然如我记忆中那般丰腴美味。
I paid for a room at a small hotel near Pashtunistan Square. Three little girls dressed in identical black dresses and white scarves clung to the slight, bespectacled man behind the counter. He charged me $75, an unthinkable price given the run-down appearance of the place, but I didn’t mind. Exploitation to finance a beach house in Hawaii was one thing. Doing it to feed your kids was another.
我付钱住进了普什图广场附近一间小旅馆。三个小女孩穿着统一的黑色服装，戴着白色头巾，紧贴着柜台后面那个瘦小的四眼佬。他索价75美元，那地方相当破落，这个价格简直匪夷所思，但我并不在乎。为了给夏威夷海边的房子付款漫天要价是一回事，为了养活孩子这么做又是一回事。
That night, I took the bed and Farid lay on the floor, wrapped himself with an extra blanket for which the hotel owner charged me an additional fee. No light came into the room except for the moonbeams streaming through the broken window. Farid said the owner had told him that Kabul had been without electricity for two days now and his generator needed fixing. We talked for a while. He told me about growing up in Mazar-i-Sharif, in Jalalabad. He told me about a time shortly after he and his father joined the jihad and fought the Shorawi in the Panjsher Valley. They were stranded without food and ate locust to survive. He told me of the day helicopter gunfire killed his father, of the day the land mine took his two daughters. He asked me about America. I told him that in America you could step into a grocery store and buy any of fifteen or twenty different types of cereal. The lamb was always fresh and the milk cold, the fruit plentiful and the water clear. Every home had a TV, and every TV a remote, and you could get a satellite dish if you wanted. Receive over five hundred channels.
那天晚上，我睡床，法里德睡地板，我额外付了钱，让老板取来一条毛毯，给法里德裹上。除了月色从破窗倾泻进来，再无其他光线。法里德说老板告诉过他，喀布尔停电两天了，而他的发电机需要修理。我们谈了一会。他告诉我他在马扎里沙里夫长大的故事，在贾拉拉巴特的故事。他告诉我说，在他和他爸爸加入圣战者组织，在潘杰希尔峡谷抗击俄国佬之后不久，他们粮草告罄，只好吃蝗虫充饥。他跟我说起那天直升机的炮火打死了他父亲，说起那天地雷索走他两个女儿的命。他问我美国的情况。我告诉他，在美国，你可以走进杂货店，随意选购十五或者二十种不同的麦片。羔羊肉永远是新鲜的，牛奶永远是冰冻的，有大量的水果，自来水很干净。每个家庭都有电视，每个电视都有遥控器，如果你想要的话，可以安装卫星接收器，能看到超过五百个电视台。
We fell silent for a while. Just when I thought he had fallen asleep, Farid chuckled. “Agha, did you hear what Mullah Nasrud din did when his daughter came home and complained that her husband had beaten her?” I could feel him smiling in the dark and a smile of my own formed on my face. There wasn’t an Afghan in the world who didn’t know at least a few jokes about the bumbling mullah.
我们沉默了一会。我刚以为他睡着，法里德笑起来。“老爷，你听过纳斯鲁丁毛拉的故事吗？他女儿回家，抱怨丈夫打了他，你知道纳斯鲁丁怎么做吗？”我能感到他在黑暗中脸带微笑，而我脸上也泛起笑容。关于那个装腔作势的毛拉有很多笑话，世界各地的每个阿富汗人多多少少知道一些。
“Five hundred?” Farid exclaimed.
“五百个？”法里德惊叹。
“Five hundred.”
“五百个。”
“What?”
“他怎么说？”
“He beat her too, then sent her back to tell the husband that Mullah was no fool: If the bastard was going to beat his daughter, then Mullah would beat his wife in return.”
“他也揍了她，然后让她回家告诉她丈夫，说毛拉可不是蠢货：如果哪个混蛋胆敢揍他的女儿，毛拉会揍他的妻子以示报复。”
I laughed. Partly at the joke, partly at how Afghan humor never changed. Wars were waged, the Internet was invented, and a robot had rolled on the surface of Mars, and in Afghanistan we were still telling Mullah Nasruddin jokes. “Did you hear about the time Mullah had placed a heavy bag on his shoulders and was riding his donkey?” I said.
我大笑。部分是因为这个笑话，部分是由于阿富汗人的幽默从不改变。战争发动了，因特网发明了，机器人在火星的表面上行走。而在阿富汗，我们仍说着纳斯鲁丁毛拉的笑话。“你听说过这个故事吗？有一次毛拉骑着他的驴子，肩膀上扛着一个重重的袋子。”我说。
“No.”
“没有。”
“Someone on the street said ‘why don’t you put the bag on the donkey?’ And he said, ‘That would be cruel, I’m heavy enough already for the poor thing.'” We exchanged Mullah Nasruddin jokes until we ran out of them and we fell silent again.
“有个路人问，‘你为什么不把袋子放在驴背上呢？’他说：‘那太残忍了，我已经压得这可怜的东西不堪重负。’”我们轮流说着纳斯鲁丁毛拉的笑话，全都讲完之后，我们再次陷入了沉默。
“Amir agha?” Farid said, startling me from near sleep.
“阿米尔老爷？”法里德说，惊醒睡意蒙咙的我。
“Why are you here? I mean, why are you really here?”
“你为什么到这里来呢？我是说，你为什么真的到这里来呢？”
Farid’s snoring soon echoed through the empty room. I stayed awake, hands crossed on my chest, staring into the starlit night through the broken window, and thinking that maybe what people said about Afghanistan was true. Maybe it was a hopeless place.
快在空荡荡的房间响起。我睡不着，双手交叉放在胸前，透过那扇破窗，望着星光闪闪的夜空，想起人们对阿富汗的评论，也许那是对的。也许它是一个没有希望的地方。
“Yes?”
“怎么？”
A BUSTLING CROWD was filling Ghazi Stadium when we walked through the entrance tunnels. Thousands of people milled about the tightly packed concrete terraces. Children played in the aisles and chased each other up and down the steps. The scent of garbanzo beans in spicy sauce hung in the air, mixed with the smell of dung and sweat. Farid and I walked past street peddlers selling cigarettes, pine nuts, and biscuits.
我们走进伽兹体育馆入口通道的时候，喧哗的人群正在纷纷入座。阶梯状的水泥看台上挤满了几千人。儿童在过道嬉闹，上下追逐。空气中散发着辣酱鹰嘴豆的味道，还有动物粪便和汗水的臭味。法里德和我走过那些兜售香烟、松子和饼干的小贩。
“Sometimes I myself can hardly believe I’m here.”
“有时候，我也无法相信自己竟然来到这里。”
That killed all the laughter in me. And the sleep. “I am tired,” I said. “Let’s just get some sleep.”
这句话让我再也笑不出来，睡意全消。“我累了。”我说，“我们睡觉吧。”法里德的鼾声很
“I told you.”
“我告诉过你。”
“For the boy?”
“为了那个男孩？”
“No… What I mean to ask is why that boy? You come all the way from America for… a Shi’a?”
“不…我想问的是，为什么是那个男孩？你从美国漂洋过海，就为了…一个什叶派信徒？”
“For the boy.” Farid shifted on the ground. “It’s hard to believe.”
“为了那个男孩。”法里德在地上翻身，“真叫人难以相信。”
“Very sexy, Agha,” he said, his alert eyes darting side to side — reminding me of a girl who, a few years earlier, had tried to sell me crack in the Tenderloin district in San Francisco. The kid peeled one side of his jacket open and gave me a fleeting glance of his sexy pictures: postcards of Hindi movies showing doe-eyed sultry actresses, fully dressed, in the arms of their leading men. “So sexy,” he repeated.
“非常诱人，老爷。”他说，机警的眼睛四下扫视——让我想起一个女孩，早几年的时候，在旧金山田德龙区街头，她竭力劝我买毒品。那男孩拉开夹克的一边，让我匆匆看一眼他的性感图片：印度电影的明信片，上面是媚眼如丝的女演员，穿着全套衣服，躺在男人怀里。“多么性感。”他重复说。
There was no assigned seating, of course. No one to show us politely to our section, aisle, row, and seat. There never had been, even in the old days of the monarchy. We found a decent spot to sit, just left of midfield, though it took some shoving and elbowing on Farid’s part.
从来就是这样，即使在旧时君主制的那些岁月。我们找到一个视线很好的位置坐下，就在中场左边，不过法里德那边有点挤，推推搡搡的。
“Nay, thanks,” I said, pushing past him.
“不了，谢谢。”我说，把他推开，继续走。
I remembered how green the playing field grass had been in the ’70s when Baba used to bring me to soccer games here. Now the pitch was a mess. There were holes and craters everywhere, most notably a pair of deep holes in the ground behind the southend goalposts. And there was no grass at all, just dirt. When the two teams finally took the field — all wearing long pants despite the heat — and play began, it became difficult to follow the ball in the clouds of dust kicked up by the players. Young, whip-toting Talibs roamed the aisles, striking anyone who cheered too loudly.
我记得在1970年代，爸爸常带我到这里看足球赛，那时球场上的草多么绿啊。现在则是一团糟。到处都是洞和弹坑，特别引人注意的是，南边球门门柱后面，地上有两个很深的洞，球场根本没有草，只有泥土。等到两支队伍各自入场——虽然天气很热，所有人都穿着长裤——开始比赛，球员踢起阵阵尘雾，很难看到球在哪里。年轻的塔利班挥舞着鞭子，在过道来回巡视，鞭打那些喊得太大声的观众。
A scrawny boy in a tweed jacket grabbed my elbow and spoke into my ear. Asked me if I wanted to buy some “sexy pictures.”
有个骨瘦如柴的男孩身穿斜纹呢夹克，抓住我的胳膊，在我耳边低语。他问我要不要买些“性感的图片”。
“He gets caught, they’ll give him a flogging that will waken his father in the grave,” Farid muttered.
“他要是被抓住，他们会用鞭子打得他父亲从坟里醒过来。”法里德低声说。当然，票上没有座位号码，没有人礼貌地指引我们到哪一区、哪一排就座。
They brought them out shortly after the halftime whistle blew. A pair of dusty red pickup trucks, like the ones I’d seen around town since I’d arrived, rode into the stadium through the gates. The crowd rose to its feet. A woman dressed in a green burqa sat in the cab of one truck, a blindfolded man in the other. The trucks drove around the track, slowly, as if to let the crowd get a long look. It had the desired effect: People craned their necks, pointed, stood on tiptoes. Next to me, Farid’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he mumbled a prayer under his breath.
中场的哨声吹响之后，他们将球员清走。一对红色的皮卡开进来，跟我来这城市之后到处都看见的一样，它们从大门驶进体育馆。一个妇女穿着蓝色的蒙头长袍，坐在一辆皮卡的后斗上。另外一辆上面有个蒙住眼睛的男子。皮卡慢慢绕着场边的跑道开动，似乎想让观众看得清楚些。它收到了想要的效果：人们伸长脖子，指指点点，踮着脚站起。在我身旁，法里德低声祷告，喉结上下蠕动。
The red trucks entered the playing field, rode toward one end in twin clouds of dust, sunlight reflecting off their hubcaps. A third truck met them at the end of the field. This one’s cab was filled with something and I suddenly understood the purpose of those two holes behind the goalposts. They unloaded the third truck. The crowd murmured in anticipation.
红色卡车并排驶进球场，卷起两道尘雾，阳光在它们的轮毂上反射出来。在球场末端，它们和第三辆车相遇。这一辆的车斗载着的东西，让我突然明白了球门后面那两个洞究竟起何作用。他们将第三辆卡车上的东西卸下来。意料之中，人群窃窃私语。
“Do you want to stay?” Farid said gravely.
“你想看下去吗？”法里德悲哀地说。
“No,” I said. I had never in my life wanted to be away from a place as badly as I did now. “But we have to stay.”
“不。”我说，有生以来，我从未有过如此强烈地想离开一个地方的渴望，“但我们必须留下来。”
Two Talibs with Kalashnikovs slung across their shoulders helped the blindfolded man from the first truck and two others helped the burqa-clad woman. The woman’s knees buckled under her and she slumped to the ground. The soldiers pulled her up and she slumped again. When they tried to lift her again, she screamed and kicked. I will never, as long as I draw breath, forget the sound of that scream. It was the cry of a wild animal trying to pry its mangled leg free from the bear trap. Two more Talibs joined in and helped force her into one of the chest-deep holes. The blindfolded man, on the other hand, quietly allowed them to lower him into the hole dug for him. Now only the accused pair’s torsos protruded from the ground.
两个塔利班肩头扛着俄制步枪，将第一辆车上蒙着眼的男子揪下来，另外两个去揪穿着长袍的妇女。那个女人双膝一软，跌倒在地。士兵将她拉起来，她又跌倒。他们试图抬起她，她又叫又踢。只要我还有一口气在，就永远不会忘记那声惨叫。那是跌进陷阱的动物试图把被夹住的脚挣脱出来的惨叫。又来两个塔利班，帮着将她塞进深没胸口的洞。另外一边，蒙着眼的男子安静地让他们将他放进那个为他而掘的洞里。现在，地面上只有那对被指控的躯体突出来。
A chubby, white-bearded cleric dressed in gray garments stood near the goalposts and cleared his throat into a handheld microphone. Behind him the woman in the hole was still screaming. He recited a lengthy prayer from the Koran, his nasal voice undulating through the sudden hush of the stadium’s crowd. I remembered something Baba had said to me a long time ago: Piss on the beards of all those self-righteous monkeys. They do nothing but thumb their rosaries and recite a book written in a tongue they don’t even understand. God help us all if Afghanistan ever falls into their hands.
有个矮胖的男人站在球门附近，他胡子花白，穿着灰色教袍，对着麦克风清清喉咙。他身后那个埋在洞里的女人仍不停惨叫。他背诵了《可兰经》上某段长长的经文，体育馆里面的人群突然鸦雀无声，只有他鼻音甚重的声音抑扬顿挫。我记得很久以前，爸爸对我说过一段话：那些自以为是的猴子，应该在他们的胡子上撒尿。除了用拇指数念珠，背诵那本根本就看不懂的经书，他们什么也不会。要是阿富汗落在他们手里，我们全部人就得求真主保佑了。
“Every sinner must be punished in a manner befitting his sin!” the cleric repeated into the mike, lowering his voice, enunciating each word slowly, dramatically. “And what manner of punishment, brothers and sisters, befits the adulterer? How shall we punish those who dishonor the sanctity of marriage? How shall we deal with those who spit in the face of God? How shall we answer those who throw stones at the windows of God’s house? WE SHALL THROW THE STONES BACK!” He shut off the microphone. A low-pitched murmur spread through the crowd. Next to me, Farid was shaking his head. “And they call themselves Muslims,” he whispered. Then a tall, broad-shouldered man stepped out of the pickup truck. The sight of him drew cheers from a few spectators. This time, no one was struck with a whip for cheering too loudly. The tall man’s sparkling white garment glimmered in the afternoon sun. The hem of his loose shirt fluttered in the breeze, his arms spread like those of Jesus on the cross. He greeted the crowd by turning slowly in a full circle. When he faced our section, I saw he was wearing dark round sunglasses like the ones John Lennon wore.
我脑里嗡嗡响，觉得阳光太过毒辣了。“对每种罪行，都应量刑，给予恰如其分的惩罚！”教士对着麦克风，放低声音，慢慢地、一字一句地、紧张地重复了一遍。“各位兄弟姐妹，对于通奸，应该处以什么样的刑罚？对于这些亵渎了婚姻的神圣的人，我们应该怎么处置？我们该怎么对待这些在真主脸上吐口水的人？若有人朝真主房间的窗丢石头，我们应该有什么反应？我们应该把石头丢回去！”他关掉麦克风。低沉的议论声在人群中迅速传开。我身边的法里德摇摇头，“他们也配称穆斯林。”他低声说。接着，有个肩膀宽大的高个子男人从皮卡车走出来。他的出现在围观人群中引起了几声欢呼。这一次，没有人会用鞭子抽打喊得太大声的人。高个子男人穿着光鲜的白色服装，在午后的阳光下闪闪发光。他的衬衣露在外面，下摆在和风中飘动。他像耶稣那样张开双臂，慢慢转身一圈，向人群致意。他的脸转向我们这边时，我看见他戴着黑色的太阳镜，很像约翰？列农戴的那副。
When the prayer was done, the cleric cleared his throat. “Brothers and sisters!” he called, speaking in Farsi, his voice booming through the stadium. “We are here today to carry out Shari’a. We are here today to carry out justice. We are here today because the will of Allah and the word of the Prophet Muham mad, peace be upon him, are alive and well here in Afghanistan, our beloved homeland. We listen to what God says and we obey because we are nothing but humble, powerless creatures before God’s greatness. And what does God say? I ask you! WHAT DOES GOD SAY? God says that every sinner must be punished in a manner befitting his sin. Those are not my words, nor the words of my brothers. Those are the words of GOD!” He pointed with his free hand to the sky. My head was pounding and the sun felt much too hot.
当祷告结束，教士清清喉咙。“各位兄弟姐妹！”他用法尔西语说，声音响彻整个体育馆，“今天，我们在这里执行伊斯兰教法。今天，我们在这里秉持正义。今天，我们在这里，是出于安拉的意愿，也是因为先知穆罕默德的指示，愿他安息，在阿富汗，我们深爱的家园，依然存在，得到弘扬。我们倾听真主的意旨，我们服从他，因为我们什么也不是，在伟大的真主面前，我们只是卑微的、无力的造物。而真主说过什么？我问你们！真主说过什么？真主说，对每种罪行，都应量刑，给予恰如其分的惩罚。这不是我说的，也不是我的兄弟说的。这是真主说的！”他那空出来的手指向天空。
“That must be our man,” Farid said.
“他一定就是我们要找的人。”
The tall Talib with the black sunglasses walked to the pile of stones they had unloaded from the third truck. He picked up a rock and showed it to the crowd. The noise fell, replaced by a buzzing sound that rippled through the stadium. I looked around me and saw that everyone was tsk’ing. The Talib, looking absurdly like a baseball pitcher on the mound, hurled the stone at the blindfolded man in the hole. It struck the side of his head. The woman screamed again. The crowd made a startled “OH!” sound. I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands. The spectators’ “OH!” rhymed with each flinging of the stone, and that went on for a while. When they stopped, I asked Farid if it was over. He said no. I guessed the people’s throats had tired. I don’t know how much longer I sat with my face in my hands. I know that I reopened my eyes when I heard people around me asking, “Mord? Mord? Is he dead?”
法里德说。戴墨镜的高个子塔利班走过几堆石头，那是他们适才从第三辆车上卸载的。他举起一块石头，给人群看。喧闹声静下来，取而代之的是阵阵嗡嗡声，在体育馆起伏。我看看身边的人，大家都啧啧有声。那个塔利班，很荒唐的，看上去像个站在球板上的棒球投手，把石头扔向埋在洞里那个蒙着眼的男子，击中了那人的头部，那个妇女又尖叫起来。人群发出一声“啊！”的怵叫。我闭上眼，用手掩着脸。每块投出的石头都伴随着人群的惊呼，持续了好一会。他们住口不喊了，我问法里德是不是结束了，法里德说还没。我猜想人们叫累了。我不知道自己掩着脸坐了多久，我只知道，当我听到身边人们问“死了吗？死了吗？”，这才重新睁开眼睛。
The man in the hole was now a mangled mess of blood and shredded rags. His head slumped forward, chin on chest. The Talib in the John Lennon sunglasses was looking down at another man squatting next to the hole, tossing a rock up and down in his hand. The squatting man had one end of a stethoscope to his ears and the other pressed on the chest of the man in the hole. He removed the stethoscope from his ears and shook his head no at the Talib in the sunglasses. The crowd moaned.
洞里那个男子变成一团模糊的血肉和破布。他的头垂在前面，下巴抵在胸前。戴着约翰·列农墨镜的塔利班看着蹲在洞边的另一个男子，手里一上一下抛掷石头。蹲下那个男子耳朵挂着听诊器，将另外一端压在洞里男子的胸前。他把听诊器摘离耳朵，朝戴墨镜的塔利班摇摇头。人群哀叹。
Our meeting was arranged for three o’clock that afternoon. The swiftness with which the appointment was set surprised me. I’d expected delays, a round of questioning at least, perhaps a check of our papers. But I was reminded of how unofficial even official matters still were in Afghanistan: all Farid had to do was tell one of the whip-carrying Talibs that we had personal business to discuss with the man in white. Farid and he exchanged words. The guy with the whip then nodded and shouted something in Pashtu to a young man on the field, who ran to the south-end goalposts where the Talib in the sunglasses was chatting with the plump cleric who’d given the sermon. The three spoke. I saw the guy in the sunglasses look up. He nodded. Said something in the messenger’s ear. The young man relayed the message back to us.
我们的会见被安排在下午三点钟。这么快就得到接见，实在出乎我意料。我原以为会拖一段时间，至少盘问一番，也许还要检查我们的证件。但这提醒我，在阿富汗，直到今天，官方的事情仍是如此不正式：法里德所做的，不过是告诉一个手执鞭子的塔利班，说我们有些私人事情要跟那个穿白色衣服的男子谈谈。法里德和他说了几句。带鞭子那人点点头，用普什图语朝球场上某个年轻人大喊，那人跑到南边球门，戴太阳镜的塔利班在那儿跟刚才发言的教士聊天。他们三个交谈。我看见戴太阳镜那个家伙抬起头，他点点头，在传讯入耳边说话。那个年轻人把消息带给我们。
John Lennon walked back to the mound. When it was all over, when the bloodied corpses had been unceremoniously tossed into the backs of red pickup trucks-separate ones — a few men with shovels hurriedly filled the holes. One of them made a passing attempt at covering up the large blood stains by kicking dirt over them. A few minutes later, the teams took the field. Second half was under way.
约翰·列农走回投球板。一切都结束之后，血肉淋漓的尸体各自被草草丢到红色皮卡车的后面，数个男人用铲子匆匆把洞填好。其中有个踢起尘土，盖在血迹上，勉强将其掩住。不消几分钟，球队回到场上。下半场开始了。
It was set, then. Three o’clock.
就这么敲定。三点钟。
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