No one is staring at you, I promised myself. No one is staring at you. No one is staring at you.
没有人在盯着你看，我向自己保证着。没有人在盯着你。没有人在盯着你。
As I sat waiting for one of the three traffic lights in town to turn green, I peeked to the right — in her minivan, Mrs. Weber had turned her whole torso in my direction. Her eyes bored into mine, and I flinched back, wondering why she didn’t drop her gaze or look ashamed. It was still considered rude to stare at people, wasn’t it? Didn’t that apply to me anymore?
当我坐在车里等着镇上的某一处交通信号灯转绿时，我偷偷向右瞄了一眼——韦伯妇人在她的小型货车里，她把整个上身都向我的方向扭了过来。她的眼睛紧盯着我的，我向后缩了缩，想知道她为什么不收回她的目光或者看起来不好意思些。盯着人看仍然被认为是项粗鲁的举动，不是吗？难道这条规定不再适用于我了吗？
But, because I couldn’t lie convincingly even to myself, I had to check.
但是，因为我撒的谎连我自己都骗不了，我还是不住地环顾了一下。
My car. Sigh.
我的车啊。唉。
Then I remembered that these windows were so darkly tinted that she probably had no idea if it was even me in here, let alone that I’d caught her looking. I tried to take some comfort in the fact that she wasn’t really staring at me, just the car.
然后我才想起来这些车窗颜色是如此之深，以至于她也许根本不知道里面竟然是我，更不用说被我知道她在盯着我了。她在看的是这辆车，而不是我，我试图这样的想法来安慰自己。
I glanced to the left and groaned. Two pedestrians were frozen on the sidewalk, missing their chance to cross as they stared. Behind them, Mr. Marshall was gawking through the plate-glass window of his little souvenir shop. At least he didn’t have his nose pressed up against the glass. Yet.
我又向左撇了一眼，哀叹了一声。两个行人僵在路边，就这样注视着，甚至都忘记了过马路。在他们后面，马歇尔先生正透过他小小纪念品商店的玻璃窗带着地望着。还好他没有把鼻子都贴到玻璃上来。还没有。
The light turned green and, in my hurry to escape, I stomped on the gas pedal without thinking — the normal way I would have punched it to get my ancient Chevy truck moving.
终于变绿灯了，急于想要逃脱的我，想都没想就踩了一脚油门——这是启动我那辆古董卡车启动的惯用方法。
“Arg!” I gasped as I fumbled for the brake. Keeping my head, I merely tapped the pedal. The car lurched to an absolute standstill anyway.
“啊！”我倒抽一口气，笨拙地摸索着踩下刹车。我的脑袋向前冲去，差点撞上方向盘，车向前颠了一下，四平八稳地停住了。
Engine snarling like a hunting panther, the car jolted forward so fast that my body slammed into the black leather seat and my stomach flattened against my spine.
引擎发出猎豹般的咆哮声，车猛然向前窜去，以至于我的身体猛地摔进了黑色皮革座椅，我的胃都贴到了脊椎。
Moving as if I were in a race, I got the hatch open, the cap off, the card scanned, and the nozzle in the tank within seconds. Of course, there was nothing I could do to make the numbers on the gauge pick up the pace. They ticked by sluggishly, almost as if they were doing it just to annoy me.
就像是在赛跑一样，我在几秒钟之内完成从打开油箱盖，拧掉盖子，刷卡，到把加油枪插到油箱里的动作。当然，我完全没有办法使计量器上的数字跳得更快一些。它们慢吞吞地闪烁着，好像是要故意惹恼我一样。
I couldn’t bear to look around at the reaction. If there had been any doubt as to who was driving this car before, it was gone now. With the toe of my shoe, I gently nudged the gas pedal down one half millimeter, and the car shot forward again.
我不忍去看周围人的反应。如果他们先前还在疑问着是谁在驾驶这辆车，现在一定不是了。我用鞋尖轻轻地将油门向下推了半毫米，车又向前射去了。
I managed to reach my goal, the gas station. If I hadn’t been running on vapors, I wouldn’t have come into town at all. I was going without a lot of things these days, like Pop-Tarts and shoelaces, to avoid spending time in public.
我终于成功地到达了我的目的地，加油站。如果我不是因为车一点油都没有了，我压根就不会到镇里来。这些天我将很多东西都消耗殆尽，比如Pop—Tart果酱馅饼和鞋带，就是为了避免在公众场合出现。
“Um, miss?” a man’s voice called.
“呃，小姐？”一个男人的声音叫道。
“Yeah, who cares what they think,” I muttered under my breath.
“好吧，管他们怎么想呢，”我低声嘟哝道。
It wasn’t bright out — a typical drizzly day in Forks, Washington — but I still felt like a spotlight was trained on me, drawing attention to the delicate ring on my left hand. At times like this, sensing the eyes on my back, it felt as if the ring were pulsing like a neon sign: Look at me, look at me.
天色并不明亮——华盛顿州福克斯小镇标准的阴雨天——但我仍然感觉像是有一个聚光灯正紧紧追着我，聚焦在我左手上那个精致的戒指上。尤其像这样的时候，我能感觉到人们的眼睛注视着我，就好像戒指在像霓虹灯一样闪烁着：来看我，来看我。
It was stupid to be so self-conscious, and I knew that. Besides my dad and mom, did it really matter what people were saying about my engagement? About my new car? About my mysterious acceptance into an Ivy League college? About the shiny black credit card that felt red-hot in my back pocket right now?
我知道如此神经过敏非常愚蠢。除了我的父母，别人怎么看我很重要么？关于我的订婚？关于我的新车？关于我神秘地进了一所常青藤联盟大学？关于那张现在在我裤子后袋里感到万分灼热的闪亮的黑色信用卡？
I turned, and then wished I hadn’t.
我转过身去，又立刻希望我没有这么做。
Two men stood beside a fancy SUV with brand-new kayaks tied to the top. Neither of them was looking at me; they both were staring at the car.
两个男人站在一辆顶上绑着崭新的皮划艇的高级SUV旁。他们两个人没有一个在看我；他们都在盯着那辆车。
Personally, I didn’t get it. But then, I was just proud I could distinguish between the symbols for Toyota, Ford, and Chevy. This car was glossy black, sleek, and pretty, but it was still just a car to me.
就我自己而言，我并不懂车。但我依然能够为自己辨别出丰田、福特、雪佛莱德车牌而感到骄傲。这辆车通体漆黑锃亮，时髦豪华，相当漂亮，但对我来说仍然只是一辆车而已。
“I’m sorry to bother you, but could you tell me what kind of car you’re driving?” the tall one asked.
“很抱歉打扰你，但你可以告诉我你开的是什么车吗？”个子高的那个问道。
“Yes,” the man said politely while his shorter friend rolled his eyes at my answer. “I know. But I was wondering, is that… are you driving a Mercedes Guardian?” The man said the name with reverence. I had a feeling this guy would get along well with Edward Cullen, my… my fiance (there really was no getting around that truth with the wedding just days away).
“是的，”那个人有礼貌地说，而他的矮个儿朋友听了我的回答后翻了个白眼。“我知道。但我想知道，那个是不是……你是不是在开一辆梅塞德斯‘守护神’？”那个男人说起这个名字的时候，声音里充满了敬畏。我能感觉到这个家伙可以和爱德华·卡伦很合得来。爱德华·卡伦，我的……我的未婚夫（婚礼离现在只有几天了，我实在再也逃避不了这个事实了）。
“Um, a Mercedes, right?”
“呃，一辆梅塞德斯，对吧？”
While his eyes traced the contours of my car — it didn’t look much different from any other Mercedes sedan to me, but what did I know? — I briefly contemplated my issues with words like fiance, wedding, husband, etc.
当他的目光追随着我的车的轮廓时——对我来说，它看起来跟别的梅塞德斯轿车没有什么不一样的，但我又知道什么呢？——我脑海中简单地掠过“未婚夫”、“婚礼”、“丈夫”这些单词。
“They aren’t supposed to be available in Europe yet,” the man went on, “let alone here.”
“它们还不应该在欧洲发行呢，”那个人接着说，“更不要说是这里了。”
I just couldn’t put it together in my head.
就是不能把它们组合在一起。
On the one hand, I had been raised to cringe at the very thought of poofy white dresses and bouquets. But more than that, I just couldn’t reconcile a staid, respectable, dull concept like husband with my concept of Edward. It was like casting an archangel as an accountant; I couldn’t visualize him in any commonplace role.
从一方面来说，我从小到大都对那些脂粉气的白裙和捧花感到不敢恭维。深究下去，我无论如何不能让一个古板的，体面的，无趣的“丈夫”的概念同我对爱德华的形象联系起来。这就像是让一个大天使去扮演会计的角色；我无法想象让他扮演任何普通的角色。
“I don’t know,” I told him honestly.
“我不知道。”我坦白告诉他。
Like always, as soon as I started thinking about Edward I was caught up in a dizzy spin of fantasies. The stranger had to clear his throat to get my attention; he was still waiting for an answer about the car’s make and model.
又来了，每当我一开始想起爱德华我身陷让人晕眩的幻想而无法自拔。那个陌生人只好清清嗓子来引起我的注意，他仍然在等待我给出车的型号和出生。
“Um. Okay. Fine.”
“呃，好吧，没问题。”
“Do you mind if I take a picture with it?”
“你介意我跟它拍张照片么？”
It took me a second to process that. “Really? You want to take a picture with the car?”
我花了一秒钟来考虑这个问题。“真的？你真的想和这辆车拍照？”
“Sure — nobody is going to believe me if I don’t get proof.”
“当然——不拿出点证据来，怎么让别人相信呢。”
I swiftly put away the nozzle and crept into the front seat to hide while the enthusiast dug a huge professional-looking camera out of his backpack. He and his friend took turns posing by the hood, and then they went to take pictures at the back end.
我迅速拔掉了加油枪，然后趴进了前座躲了前座。这时候，这个狂热的爱好分子从他的后袋中掏出了一个看起来颇为专业的相机。他和他的朋友轮流在引擎盖旁摆起了姿势，接着又绕到车的尾部拍起了照片。
“I miss my truck,” I whimpered to myself.
“我好怀念我的卡车。”我低声对自己说道。
Very, very convenient — too convenient — that my truck would wheeze its last wheeze just weeks after Edward and I had agreed to our lopsided compromise, one detail of which was that he be allowed to replace my truck when it passed on. Edward swore it was only to be expected; my truck had lived a long, full life and then expired of natural causes. According to him. And, of course, I had no way to verify his story or to try to raise my truck from the dead on my own. My favorite mechanic —
非常，非常地方便，简直太便利了，不过就在爱德华和我达成了不平等协议的几个星期后，我的卡车就再也无法喘气了。协定中的一项就是，他有权在我的卡车报废后进行替换。爱德华发誓说这完全是可以理解的；我的卡车已经度过了漫长而充实的一生，然后自然死亡。对于他来说，这个理所当然。而且我也没有办法实践他的理论，或者凭借自己的能力让卡车起死回生。我最爱的机修师——
“Think she’s something?” the short one asked in a softer voice. I ducked my head, cheeks flaming.
“她是他们中的一个？”那个矮个子弱弱地问。我别过头去，脸涨得通红。
I stopped that thought cold, refusing to let it come to a conclusion. Instead, I listened to the men’s voices outside, muted by the car walls.
我立刻无情地断了这个想法，拒绝让它蔓延出一个结论。取而代之的是，我专心听着车外男人传来的谈话，声音因为车的阻隔而变得模糊不清。
“… went at it with a flamethrower in the online video. Didn’t even pucker the paint.”
“……在网上看过一个视频，从喷射的火焰中驶过，连油漆都没花。”
“Of course not. You could roll a tank over this baby. Not much of a market for one over here. Designed for Middle East diplomats, arms dealers, and drug lords mostly.”
“当然不会花，你甚至可以开着坦克从它的身上压过。并不是为这边的市场开发的，大部分是为中东地区的政客，军火商，毒枭们设计的。”
Well, at least this made some sense — if you had a twisted sense of humor.
好吧，至少这点对于那些具有扭曲幽默感的人还是很合理的。
“Huh,” the tall one said. “Maybe. Can’t imagine what you’d need missile-proof glass and four thousand pounds of body armor for around here. Must be headed somewhere more hazardous.”
“哼嗯，”高个子接口说，“有可能吧，不然无法想象在这种地方你会需要防导弹的玻璃和价值4千英镑的车身装甲。一定是去更危险的地方。”
Body armor. Four thousand pounds of body armor. And missile-proof glass? Nice. What had happened to good old-fashioned bulletproof?
车身装甲。四千英镑的车身装甲！防导弹的玻璃？很好，难道那些不错的防弹玻璃已经过时了么？
It wasn’t like I hadn’t expected Edward to take advantage of our deal, to weight it on his side so that he could give so much more than he would receive.
我并不是没有想到爱德华会趁机利用我们的约定，来使它倾向于他那一边，让他能够有机会更多地付出，而不是获得。
I’d agreed that he could replace my truck when it needed replacing, not expecting that moment to come quite so soon, of course. When I’d been forced to admit that the truck had become no more than a still-life tribute to classic Chevys on my curb, I knew his idea of a replacement was probably going to embarrass me. Make me the focus of stares and whispers. I’d been right about that part. But even in my darkest imaginings I had not foreseen that he would get me two cars.
我是有同意过他可以在我的卡车不得不需要替换的时候替换它，可以却没料到这一刻来得如此之快。在我不得不承认我的卡车已经只是一堆无生命的废铁，我也只是觉得最多会换成一辆雪佛兰经典款。我知道这个主意会让我处在了一个极其窘迫的情境下，让我成为众人的目光焦点和交头接耳的话题。我完全猜中了，但是让我更做梦都没有想到的是，他竟然为我准备了两部车！
Ha ha. Because I was so fragilely human, so accident-prone, so much a victim to my own dangerous bad luck, apparently I needed a tank-resistant car to keep me safe.
哈哈，因为我是如此脆弱的人类，危险吸引器，容易成为自身厄运的牺牲品，很明显我会需要一部防坦克车来保证我的人身安全。
The “before” car and the “after” car, he’d explained when I’d flipped out.
“之前的车”和“之后的车”，当他这样解释给我时，我差点没晕过去。
This was just the “before” car. He’d told me it was a loaner and promised that he was returning it after the wedding. It all had made absolutely no sense to me. Until now.
而这只是“之前的车”，他告诉我这辆车是租赁来的，并且保证会在结婚后就还回去，不过对于这些我至今都无法接受。
Hilarious. I was sure he and his brothers had enjoyed the joke quite a bit behind my back.
太讽刺了。我敢肯定他和他的好兄弟们一定在我背后享受这个笑话所带来的乐趣。
Or maybe, just maybe, a small voice whispered in my head, it’s not a joke, silly. Maybe he’s really that worried about you. This wouldn’t be the first time he’s gone a little overboard trying to protect you.
也许，只是也许，一个微小的声音在脑海低语，这不是一个玩笑，笨蛋。兴许他真的是担心你。这也不是第一次了，他做得那么过火只是为了保护你。
I hadn’t seen the “after” car yet. It was hidden under a sheet in the deepest corner of the Cullens’ garage. I knew most people would have peeked by now, but I really didn’t want to know.
我还没有见过那辆“之后的车”。它被藏在卡伦家车库的最深处，也许很多人都已经瞧见过，不过我却宁愿想都不去想它。
“You’re welcome,” I called back, and then tensed as I started the engine and eased the pedal — ever so gently — down…
“不客气，”我回答道，接着就在我发动引擎，以前所未有的轻柔动作点上油门，又是一阵紧张袭来。
I sighed.
我幽幽地叹了一口气。
No matter how many times I drove down the familiar road home, I still couldn’t make the rain-faded flyers fade into the background. Each one of them, stapled to telephone poles and taped to street signs, was like a fresh slap in the face. A well-deserved slap in the face. My mind was sucked back into the thought I’d interrupted so immediately before. I couldn’t avoid it on this road. Not with pictures of my favorite mechanic flashing past me at regular intervals.
无论多少次驶上这条熟悉的回家之路，我都无法忽视前方那些被雨水冲刷得退了色的宣传单页，每一张都印上了电话号码，贴在道路的标志杆上，好似巴掌扇过流在脸上的印记，这个是活该被挨的巴掌。我的心神又沉浸到刚才被打断的思绪上，在这条路上，我根本无法逃避。我最爱的机修师的脸孔有规律的不断地闪现在我面前。
Probably no body armor on that car — because I wouldn’t need it after the honeymoon. Virtual indestructibility was just one of the many perks I was looking forward to. The best parts about being a Cullen were not expensive cars and impressive credit cards.
也许在蜜月之后我可能就已经不需要有装甲防护的车了。成为卡伦家族一员的好处不是名贵的汽车，抑或是额度惊人的信用卡，永恒的坚固之躯是我所向往的优点之一。
“Hey,” the tall man called, cupping his hands to the glass in an effort to peer in. “We’re done now. Thanks a lot!”
“嘿，”高个子男人叫道，他的手扒在玻璃窗上，拼命的朝里张望。“我们拍完了，谢谢！”
The HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BOY? posters were not Jacob’s father’s idea. It had been my father, Charlie, who’d printed up the flyers and spread them all over town. And not just Forks, but Port Angeles and Sequim and Hoquiam and Aberdeen and every other town in the Olympic Peninsula. He’d made sure that all the police stations in the state of Washington had the same flyer hanging on the wall, too. His own station had a whole corkboard dedicated to finding Jacob. A corkboard that was mostly empty, much to his disappointment and frustration.
海报“你有见过这个男孩吗？”的注意并非来自雅各布的父亲，而是出自我的父亲，查理。帮忙印刷了单页，还四处分发。不仅在福克斯小镇，还在天使港、斯奎姆镇以及霍奎厄姆镇，和阿伯丁镇，覆盖奥林匹克山区的所有小镇。他确保华盛顿州的每家警局的墙壁上都张贴着同样的海报。在他所在的警局中甚至有一块专门的看板用来刊登一些和寻找雅各布有关的信息，而在他的重重失望和筋疲力竭的背后，这块看板上依然空空如也。
My best friend. My Jacob.
我最好的朋友。我的雅各布。
My dad was disappointed with more than the lack of response. He was most disappointed with Billy, Jacob’s father — and Charlie’s closest friend.
比起杳无音讯更让他失望的是比利，雅各布的父亲，查理的密友。
For Billy’s not being more involved with the search for his sixteen year old “runaway.” For Billy’s refusing to put up the flyers in La Push, the reservation on the coast that was Jacob’s home. For his seeming resigned to Jacob’s disappearance, as if there was nothing he could do. For his saying, “Jacob’s grown up now. He’ll come home if he wants to.” And he was frustrated with me, for taking Billy’s side.
比利不参与他那16岁“离家出走”的儿子的搜寻工作，也拒绝在拉普西张贴寻人的告示，那片海岸边的保留地曾是雅各布的家。对雅各布的失踪漠不关心，无所作为。按他的说法，“雅各布已经长大了，他想回家的话会回来的。”查理还对我在这件事的立场上竟然站在比利这边感到无可奈何。
I wouldn’t put up posters, either. Because both Billy and I knew where Jacob was, roughly speaking, and we also knew that no one had seen this boy.
如果是我，我也不会去张贴海报的。因为比利和我都大概了解雅各布曾经到过哪些地方，我们也知道没有人见到过这个孩子。
Of course, there were drawbacks to it being Saturday. As I turned slowly and carefully onto my street, I could see my dad’s police cruiser in the driveway of our home. He’d skipped fishing again today. Still sulking about the wedding.
当然周六也有它的弊端。当我小心谨慎地转上我家的车道，我看到我父亲的巡逻车已经停在那里了。他今天一定又没有去钓鱼，对结婚的事情仍然感到震惊。
The flyers put the usual big, fat lump in my throat, the usual stinging tears in my eyes, and I was glad Edward was out hunting this Saturday. If Edward saw my reaction, it would only make him feel terrible, too.
这些告示好像一个肥厚的肿瘤堵在了咽喉处，泪水刺痛了眼睛，我很庆幸这个周六爱德华出去打猎了。如果他看到我这个样子，也只是徒增伤感罢了。
So I wouldn’t be able to use the phone inside. But I had to call…
看来我不能用屋里的电话了，但我有个非打不可的电话……
I parked on the curb behind the Chevy sculpture and pulled the cell phone Edward had given me for emergencies out of the glove compartment. I dialed, keeping my finger on the “end” button as the phone rang. Just in case.
我把车靠边停下，绕到那辆像雕塑似的雪佛来卡车后面，从工具箱中掏出了爱德华给我用来打应急电话的手机。我摁下号码，等待接通时，把拇指移到“结束”键上，以防万一。
“Hello?” Seth Clearwater answered, and I sighed in relief. I was way too chicken to speak to his older sister, Leah. The phrase “bite my head off” was not entirely a figure of speech when it came to Leah.
“你好？”是塞思·克里尔沃特接的电话，我立刻长抒了一口气。我还没有胆量直接跟他的姐姐利亚对话。“把我的头咬下来”用在里尔身上并不只是说说而已。
Choked up. Desperate for reassurance. “Fine.”
闷死了，急需安慰。“很好。”
“Thanks for putting up with me, Seth. I know the others must give you a hard time.”
“谢谢你告诉我这一切，赛思，其他人肯定让你不好过吧。”
“Do you know where he is now?”
“你知道他现在在哪里了么？”
“Oh, hiya, Bella! How are you?”
“欧，你好呀，贝拉。最近怎么样？”
“Somewhere in northern Canada. I can’t tell you which province. He doesn’t pay much attention to state lines.”
“加拿大北部的某处吧。我没法告诉你是哪个省。他不怎么关心这些界线。”
Seth sighed. “Same as ever. He won’t talk, though we know he hears us. He’s trying not to think human, you know. Just going with his instincts.”
赛思叹了一口气。“还是老样子。他不说话，即使我们知道他听得见我们。他努力不去用人类的方式去思考，你知道的，只是跟着他的本能走。”
“They’re not your hugest fans,” he agreed cheerfully. “Kind of lame, I think. Jacob made his choices, you made yours. Jake doesn’t like their attitude about it. ‘Course, he isn’t super thrilled that you’re checking up on him, either.”
“他们只是不是你的狂热拥趸罢了，”他高高兴兴地赞同这一点，“他们不了解内情，我认为。雅各布做出了他的选择，而你作出了你的。Jacob也不喜欢他们对这件事的态度。当然了，他对于你调查他行踪也反应得没那么激烈。”
“I know I am.” I hesitated for a minute. “How is he?”
“我知道我是，”我迟疑了片刻，“他怎么样了？”
“You’re psychic.”
“你知道我要问什么的。”
“Not hardly. I’m no Alice — you’re just predictable,” he joked. Among the Quileute pack down at La Push, only Seth was comfortable even mentioning the Cullens by name, let alone joking about things like my nearly omniscient sister-in-law-to-be.
“不完全是。我又不是爱丽丝—你只是挺好预测的，”他开玩笑说。在拉普西的整个奎鲁特族群中，只有赛思对于提及卡伦一家人的名字不会感到有芥蒂，更别提还拿我未来的准小姑开玩笑了。
“Any hint that he might…”
“有没有任何迹象他可能……”
“He’s not coming home, Bella. Sorry.”
“他目前不会回来的，抱歉，贝拉。”
“Yeah. We all feel the same way.”
“是的，我们大家都这样希望。”
I swallowed. “S’okay, Seth. I knew before I asked. I just can’t help wishing.”
我咽了一下。“没关系，赛思。在问之前我就猜到了，我只是禁不住这么希望。”
“Calling for an update?”
“你打过来想知道最新的进展？”
“Hey, Seth, it’s Bella.”
“你好，塞思，是我，贝拉。”
“He can’t hide everything from us, hard as he’s trying.”
“即使他再怎么努力尝试，他也不可能什么事情都瞒得过我们。”
“I guess I’ll see you at the… wedding,” I said, forcing the word out through my teeth.
“我想，我们……婚礼上再见了。”我从牙缝中努力挤出这些字句。
I gasped. “I thought he wasn’t talking to you?”
我吸了一口气。“我猜他并没有告诉你而已。”
“Yeah, me and my mom will be there. It was cool of you to ask us.”
“太棒了，我和我得母亲会去的。你能邀请我们真是太酷了。”
I smiled at the enthusiasm in his voice. Though inviting the Clearwaters had been Edward’s idea, I was glad he’d thought of it. Having Seth there would be nice — a link, however tenuous, to my missing best man. “It wouldn’t be the same without you.”
听到那么兴奋的声音，我也笑了。虽然邀请克利尔沃特是爱德华的主意，我很高兴他能这样想。赛思的出席也算是根美丽的纽带，把我和我那失踪的伴郎维系起来，虽然这根纽带是那样的脆弱。“你不在话，会不一样的。”
So Jacob knew I was worried. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Well, at least he knew I hadn’t skipped off into the sunset and forgotten him completely. He might have imagined me capable of that.
所以雅各布知道我在关心他，我不是很确定我对于这件事是怎么想的。至少他能知道我还没有把他整个忘掉了。他也许以为我能做得到。
“Sure thing.”
“当然可以。”
“Tell Edward I said hi, okay?”
“代我向爱德华问个好，好么？”
I shook my head. The friendship that had sprung up between Edward and Seth was something that still boggled my mind. It was proof, though, that things didn’t have to be this way. That vampires and werewolves could get along just fine, thank you very much, if they were of a mind to.
我甩甩脑袋，对于爱德华和赛思间建立起的友谊仍然感到费解。这也算是个有力的证据，只要吸血鬼和狼人之间有共同美好的意愿，事情不会发展到现在这个地步。
I walked slowly through the light rain, remembering the night we’d told him…
我在细雨中慢慢的穿行着，回忆起那个我们告诉他的夜晚……
Not everybody liked this idea.
当然并不是所有人都认同这个想法。
“Oh! Bye!”
“噢，再见！”
“Ah,” Seth said, his voice cracking up an octave. “Er, Leah’s home.”
“啊，”赛思叫了起来，声音一下提高了一个八度。“呃，利亚回家了。”
The phone went dead. I left it on the seat and prepared myself mentally to go inside the house, where Charlie would be waiting.
电话被挂断了。我把它丢在座位上，并做好思想准备好走进屋子，查理已经等在那里了。
My poor dad had so much to deal with right now. Jacob the runaway was just one of the straws on his overburdened back. He was almost as worried about me, his barely a legal adult daughter who was about to become a Mrs. in just a few days’ time.
我可怜的父亲最近要面对那么多的事情。雅各布的出走只是压弯骆驼的一根稻草而已。他几乎全是在担心我，他那才刚刚成年的女儿，几天后就要成为别人的妻子了。
“Stop fidgeting, Bella. Please try to remember that you’re not confessing to a murder here.”
“不要再忐忑了，贝拉。你又不是要去自首一项谋杀罪。”
“Easy for you to say.”
“你说起来容易。”
As the sound of Charlie’s cruiser announced his return, the ring suddenly weighed a hundred pounds on my finger. I wanted to shove my left hand in a pocket, or maybe sit on it, but Edward’s cool, firm grasp kept it front and center.
当听到查理的巡逻车的声音宣告了他的到家，我手指上的戒指顿时沉重万分。我恨不能把左手藏在口袋里，或者把手垫在身下，但是爱德华冷静、坚定的抓着我的手，至于最中央。
I listened to the ominous sound of my father’s boots clomping up the sidewalk. The key rattled in the already open door. The sound reminded me of that part of the horror movie when the victim realizes she’s forgotten to lock her deadbolt.
听着我父亲的靴子敲击着步道的沉重脚步声，听着钥匙插入早已打开的门内所发出的金属格嗒声，心惊肉跳。这些声音让我体会到那部恐怖电影中，受害者意识到忘了锁上门闩的那种绝望心情。
“What?” Edward whispered back.
“怎么了？”爱德华低声回应。
“Have a seat, Dad.”
“坐下来，爸爸。”
“No!” I protested under my breath.
“不！”我小声地抗议。
Charlie came around the corner, still in his uniform, still armed, and tried not to make a face when he spied us sitting together on the loveseat. Lately, he’d been putting forth a lot of effort to like Edward more. Of course, this revelation was sure to end that effort immediately.
查理来到转角处，依然穿着制服，依然武装着，瞥见我们俩并排坐在双人沙发上时，他努力不让自己做出鬼脸。近来，他已经努力让自己更多的喜爱爱德华。当然，眼下的举动立刻终结了他之前的努力。
“Wait till he hangs his gun up!”
“等他把他的枪先挂起来！”
“Good news?” Charlie growled, looking straight at me.
“好消息？”查理吼了起来，直直得看向我。
Charlie’s expression went from strained friendliness to black suspicion in a second.
查理的表情从不自然的友好态度旋即转为了非善意的狐疑。
The door slammed against the wall, and I flinched like I’d been Tasered.
门猛得撞上墙壁，我惊得向后一缩，仿佛中了泰瑟枪（发射一束带电镖箭使人暂时不能动弹的一种武器）。
“Calm down, Bella,” Edward whispered, listening to the acceleration of my heart.
“冷静下来，贝拉。”听到了我心跳加速，爱德华在我耳边低语道。
“We’d like to talk to you,” Edward said, so serene. “We have some good news.”
“我们想要和你谈谈，”爱德华开口了，十分淡定。“我们有些好消息。”
“Hey, kids. What’s up?”
“嘿，孩子们。怎么了？”
He raised one eyebrow, stared at me for five seconds, then stomped to the recliner and sat down on the very edge, his back ramrod straight.
他扬了扬一边的眉毛，盯着我看了足有5秒钟，然后重重地走向躺椅，坐在了椅子的边缘上，背绷得笔直。
Edward chuckled and ran his free hand through his tousled bronze hair.
爱德华轻笑一声，另一只手抚过棕铜色的乱发。
“Hey, Charlie,” Edward called, entirely relaxed.
“嘿，查理。”爱德华招呼道，非常轻松。
“Don’t get worked up, Dad,” I said after a moment of loaded silence. “Everything’s okay.”
“不要激动，爸爸，”一阵沉寂之后我终于开口说道。“万事顺利。”
“Sure it is, Bella, sure it is. If everything is so great, then why are you sweating bullets?”
“当然啦，贝拉，当然。可既然如果万事顺利，为什么你会汗如雨下呢？”
Edward grimaced, and I knew it was in objection to the word okay. He probably would have used something more like wonderful or perfect or glorious.
爱德华扮了个鬼脸，我知道这是对“顺利”这个词表示异议。如果是他的话，非常有可能会使用“好极了”，“完美”或者是“棒极了”这类字眼。
I leaned away from his fierce scowl, cringing into Edward, and instinctively wiped the back of my right hand across my forehead to remove the evidence.
他火冒三丈的怒容让我不由向后靠去，倚着爱德华，本能地用右手手背抹了一把额头，妄图毁灭证据。
“You’re pregnant!” Charlie exploded. “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
“你怀孕了！”查理爆发了。“你怀孕了，是不是？”
Though the question was clearly meant for me, he was glaring at Edward now, and I could have sworn I saw his hand twitch toward the gun.
虽然这个问题是冲着我来的，此刻他却紧紧盯着爱德华，我发誓我看到他把手摸到了枪上。
“No! Of course I’m not!” I wanted to elbow Edward in the ribs, but I knew that move would only give me a bruise. I’d told Edward that people would immediately jump to this conclusion! What other possible reason would sane people have for getting married at eighteen? (His answer then had made me roll my eyes. Love. Right.)
“不，当然没有！”我想用手肘捅捅爱德华，但是我知道那只换来一块淤青。我早就告诉过他人们就是会立刻联想到这个结论上去！不然一个正常人在18岁就赶着结婚的理由还能是什么？（而他的回答让我不禁睁大了眼睛，是的，爱）
“I’m not sweating,” I lied.
“我没出汗。”我撒谎了。
“Apology accepted.”
“我接受你的道歉。”
“Charlie, I realize that I’ve gone about this out of order. Traditionally, I should have asked you first. I mean no disrespect, but since Bella has already said yes and I don’t want to diminish her choice in the matter, instead of asking you for her hand, I’m asking you for your blessing. We’re getting married, Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and — by some miracle — she loves me that way, too. Will you give us your blessing?”
“查理，我知道我这样做有些本末颠倒。传统的做法，我应该先征求你的意见。我并不是不尊重你，但是既然贝拉已经答应了我，我也不希望在这件事上篡夺她的选择权利，所以没有问过你就向她求婚了，我恳请得到你的祝福，我们要结婚了，查理。我爱她胜过世上所有一切，多过我自己的生命，感谢奇迹，她也是那样地爱着我。你会祝福我们么？”
Charlie’s glower lightened a shade. It was usually pretty clear on my face when I was telling the truth, and he believed me now. “Oh. Sorry.”
查理盛怒的眼神柔和了下来，我的脸色分明告诉他我说的是实话，现在他相信我了。“噢，对不起。”
There was a long pause. After a moment, I realized everyone was waiting for me to say something. I looked up at Edward, panic-stricken. There was no way I was going to get the words out.
又是一阵长长的停顿。过了片刻，我意识到每个人都在等我说些什么。我抬头看着爱德华，惊慌失措。我根本不知道该怎么启齿。
He smiled at me and then squared his shoulders and turned to my father.
他冲我微微一笑，抖抖肩膀，转向了我的父亲。
He sounded so sure, so calm. For just an instant, listening to the absolute confidence in his voice, I experienced a rare moment of insight. I could see, fleetingly, the way the world looked to him. For the length of one heartbeat, this news made perfect sense.
他听上去如此确定，如此冷静。他的声音中流露出的无比自信，让我在那么一瞬间，认为获得了一种洞悉一切的能力，我可以看见，整个世界都在注视着他。另一拍心跳之后，这条消息看起来是如此意义非凡。
The silence was much longer this time. Then, gradually, shade by shade, Charlie’s color returned to normal. His lips pursed, and his eyebrows furrowed; I recognized his “deep in thought” expression. He studied the two of us for a long moment, and I felt Edward relax at my side.
这次的沉寂持续了更长的时间。然后，渐渐地，查理的脸色一层接一层地恢复了正常。他紧紧地抿着嘴唇，眉毛皱成了纹状，我意识到这是他在“深思熟虑”时的神情。他审视着我们两个良久，我感到身边的爱德华终于放松了下来。
I held my breath while his skin changed colors — fair to red, red to purple, purple to blue. I started to get up — I’m not sure what I planned to do; maybe use the Heimlich maneuver to make sure he wasn’t choking — but Edward squeezed my hand and murmured “Give him a minute” so low that only I could hear.
我摒住呼吸，看着他的脸色从惨白到通红，到紫红，最后成了青紫色。我站起了身——我不确定我想要做什么，也许应该采取海姆利克氏操作法（一种心肺复苏的办法）来确定他并没有窒息——但是爱德华紧紧抓住我的手，用低得只有我能听见的声音嘟哝着“给他一分钟时间。”
And then I caught sight of the expression on Charlie’s face, his eyes now locked on the ring.
接着我注意到查理脸部的表情，他将目光锁在了那枚戒指上。
“I’m one hundred percent sure about Edward,” I told him without missing a beat.
“我百分之百认定了爱德华，”我立即做出了回答。
“Guess I’m not that surprised,” Charlie grumbled. “Knew I’d have to deal with something like this soon enough.”
“我猜我并没有感到很吃惊，”查理低声地嘟哝着。“知道我差不多是该要面对这类事情的时候了。”
I exhaled.
我重重地舒了一口气。
“You sure about this?” Charlie demanded, glaring at me.
“你对此确定吗？”查理盯着我，郑重要求道。
“Getting married, though? What’s the rush?” He eyed me suspiciously again.
“这可是要结婚诶，为什么那么着急呢？”他投向我的目光再次变得疑惑起来。
The rush was due to the fact that I was getting closer to nineteen every stinking day, while Edward stayed frozen in all his seventeen year old perfection, as he had for over ninety years. Not that this fact necessitated marriage in my book, but the wedding was required due to the delicate and tangled compromise Edward and I had made to finally get to this point, the brink of my transformation from mortal to immortal.
这样着急完全是出于我讨厌每过一天我就朝19岁又迈近一步，而爱德华却在历经了90年后依然停滞于他那完美的17岁。婚姻并不只是出于这一理由的迫使，也是履行日益临近的将我从一个凡人改变成永生不死的约定的必要条件，这个谨慎、复杂的约定是爱德华和我最终确立下来的。
These weren’t things I could explain to Charlie.
而这些事情都是我无法向查理解释的。
Charlie’s mouth twisted to the side. Looking for an angle to argue from. But what could he say? I’d prefer you live in sin first? He was a dad; his hands were tied.
查理的嘴歪到一边。试图寻找一个可以辩驳的切入点，但是他又能够说什么呢？要不你们先同居？他可是一个父亲啊，他的双手交叉在了一起。
“We’re going away to Dartmouth together in the fall, Charlie,” Edward reminded him. “I’d like to do that, well, the right way. It’s how I was raised.” He shrugged.
“我们这个秋天就要一起去达特茅斯了，查理。”爱德华提醒他。“我想要把这件事情依照正确的方式，处理妥帖。我从小到大就是被这样教育的。”说着耸了耸肩。
He wasn’t exaggerating; they’d been big on old-fashioned morals during World War I.
他并没有言过其实；对于一战时期的人们来说这可是件大事。
“Knew this was coming,” he muttered to himself, frowning. Then, suddenly, his face went perfectly smooth and blank.
“就知道这一天会来的，”他对自己咕哝说，眉头紧皱。接着，突然，他的表情变得舒展但是茫然。
“Dad?” I asked anxiously. I glanced at Edward, but I couldn’t read his face, either, as he watched Charlie.
“爸爸？”我焦急地问道。我看向爱德华，他正看着查理。同样，我也无法读出他的表情。
“Ha!” Charlie exploded. I jumped in my seat. “Ha, ha, ha!”
“哈！”查理爆发出一阵笑声，我吓得跌回座位。“哈，哈，哈！”
“Well, Bella,” Renee had said after I’d choked and stuttered out the impossible words:
“嗯，贝拉，”勒妮说出了让我最为意想不到的话：
“Mom, I’m marrying Edward.”
“妈妈，我要嫁给爱德华。”
“But what?” I demanded.
“但是什么？”我追问道。
I paused with my hand on the doorknob, smiling. Sure, at the time, Charlie’s words had terrified me. The ultimate doom: telling Renee. Early marriage was higher up on her blacklist than boiling live puppies.
当我的手握上门的球形把手时，我迟疑了一下，不自觉地微微一笑。当然，那个时候，查理确实吓到我了。终极的宿命：告诉勒妮。在她的黑名单上，早婚可能比活烹小狗更罪孽深重。
Who could have foreseen her response? Not me. Certainly not Charlie. Maybe Alice, but I hadn’t thought to ask her.
谁能料想到她的反应呢？我不能。查理当然也不能。爱丽丝也许可以，但是我没有想过要问她。
I stared incredulously as Charlie doubled over in laughter; his whole body shook with it.
查理又发出了两次同样的笑声，我难以置信地瞪着他，他的身体都在颤抖。
“But you have to tell your mom! I’m not saying one word to Renee! That’s all yours!” He busted into loud guffaws.
“但是你们必须要告诉你母亲！我不会对勒妮说一个字！全部都要你们告诉她！”又是一阵狂笑。
“Okay, fine,” Charlie choked out. “Get married.” Another roll of laughter shook through him. “But…”
“好吧，就这样，”查理差点没笑背过气去。“结婚吧。”另一阵笑声引发的颤栗再次传边全身。“但是……”
I looked at Edward for a translation, but Edward had his lips pressed tightly together, like he was trying to hold back laughter himself.
我看着爱德华希望能得到解释，但是爱德华紧紧地咬着嘴唇，好像在努力克制自己不笑出来。
“I’m a little miffed that you waited so long to tell me. Plane tickets only get more expensive. Oooh,” she’d fretted. “Do you think Phil’s cast will be off by then? It will spoil the pictures if he’s not in a tux –“
“我有点生气你竟然隔了那么久才告诉我。机票只会变得越来越贵，天哪，”她焦躁起来。“你难道就没为菲尔准备一个角色么？他如果没办法穿小礼服来的话，会把一切都弄糟的——”
“What did you assume? When did you assume?”
“你还以为什么？你什么时候有这种想法的？”
“Today? Really? That is a surprise. I assumed…”
“今天？真的？那太令人意外了。我还估摸着……”
“Well, when you came to visit me in April, it looked like things were pretty much sewn up, if you know what I mean. You’re not very hard to read, sweetie. But I didn’t say anything because I knew it wouldn’t do any good. You’re exactly like Charlie.” She’d sighed, resigned. “Once you make up your mind, there is no reasoning with you. Of course, exactly like Charlie, you stick by your decisions, too.”
“嗯，当你们四月份来看我的时候，事情看上去好像都已经定下来了，你知道我指的是什么。你并不难懂，亲爱的。不过我什么都没有说，因为我知道这不会有任何帮助。你像极了查理。”她叹了口气，接着说。“一旦你下定了决心，就没有道理可言了。查理就是这个样子的，当然，你们也总是受制于你们的决定。”
“Back up a second, Mom.” I’d gasped. “What do you mean, waited so long? I just got en-en…” — I’d been unable to force out the word engaged — “things settled, you know, today.”
“等等，妈妈。”我还处于震惊中。“你所谓的‘隔了那么久’是什么意思？我才订……”——我连“订婚”这个单词都说不清楚了——“事情，你知道，都是今天才定下来的。”
And then she’d said the last thing that I’d ever expected to hear from my mother.
最后她又补充了一句话，这句话我做梦都没指望会从我母亲的口中听到。
“You’re not making my mistakes, Bella. You sound like you’re scared silly, and I’m guessing it’s because you’re afraid of me.” She’d giggled. “Of what I’m going to think. And I know I’ve said a lot of things about marriage and stupidity — and I’m not taking them back — but you need to realize that those things specifically applied to me. You’re a completely different person than I am. You make your own kinds of mistakes, and I’m sure you’ll have your share of regrets in life. But commitment was never your problem, sweetie. You have a better chance of making this work than most forty-year-olds I know.” Renee had laughed again. “My little middle-aged child. Luckily, you seem to have found another old soul.”
“你不会跟我犯同样的错误，贝拉。你听上去好像在害怕犯傻，我猜你准是因为怕我。”她咯咯地笑了起来。“你很介意我的想法。我也知道我过去曾说过很多愚蠢婚姻的论调——现在也没打算把它们收回去——但是你要了解那些只是针对我而言的。你又是另一个完全不同的个体。你也会犯下只属于你的错误，我也相信在你的人生中会有懊悔。但是信守承诺你从来都不会有问题，亲爱的。你甚至比一些我认识的四十岁的人都做得出色。”勒妮又笑了笑说。“我的小大人。非常幸运的，你似乎找到了另一个守旧的伴侣。”
“You’ve never been a teenager, sweetie. You know what’s best for you.”
“你已经不是青少年了，亲爱的。你知道什么对你来说是最好的。”
“I don’t know. I’m having an out-of-body experience right now.”
“我不知道。我感觉我现在已经灵魂出鞘了。”
“You’re not… mad? You don’t think I’m making a humongous mistake?”
“你没有……生气？你不认为我犯了个弥天大错？”
Renee had chuckled. “Does he make you happy, Bella?”
勒妮轻笑了声。“他是不是能让你幸福，贝拉？”
“Are you ever going to want anyone else?”
“你会不会还想要选择其他人？”
“But what?”
“但是什么？”
“But aren’t you going to say that I sound exactly like every other infatuated teenager since the dawn of time?”
“但是你难道不是想说我听上去就跟其他青少年一样头脑发热？”
It let me right off the hook. Edward’s family and my family were taking care of the nuptials together without my having to do or know or think too hard about any of it.
这可真让我省了不少心。爱德华的家人和我的家人共同策划着婚礼，我完全什么都不需要去做或者绞尽脑汁。
For the last few weeks, Renee had unexpectedly immersed herself in wedding plans. She’d spent hours every day on the phone with Edward’s mother, Esme — no worries about the in-laws getting along. Renee adored Esme, but then, I doubted anyone could help responding that way to my lovable almost-mother-in-law.
在过去的几周时间内，勒妮令人意想不到得投入到婚礼计划中。她每天要花上好几小时和爱德华的母亲埃斯梅打电话。亲家间气氛无比融洽。勒妮非常崇拜埃斯梅，不过我极其怀疑任何人对我那位可爱的准婆婆都会这样相处的。
“Well, sure, I wish you’d wait a few more years. I mean, do I look old enough to be a mother-in-law to you? Don’t answer that. But this isn’t about me. This is about you. Are you happy?”
“嗯，当然，我希望你还能再等几年。我是说，我已经老得可以做人岳母了么？别回答我。但是这不是我的事。这是关于你的。你现在幸福吗？”
“Yes, but –“
“是的，但是——”
“No, but –“
“不会，但是——”
“Humph,” Charlie added.
“嗯哼，”查理跟着哼哼。
“Alice?”
“爱丽丝？”
“I’m bleeding on it.”
“我觉得我在流血。”
“Sorry, Charlie,” Alice’s trilling voice responded. “How’s that?”
“抱歉，查理，”是爱丽丝悦耳动听的声音。“这样如何？”
“Gimme a second. Ouch, you got me, Alice.”
“一会会儿就好。哎哟，爱丽丝，你难倒我了。”
Moving with caution, I rounded the little corner into our living room.
小心翼翼地绕过了拐角，进到我的房间。
“Huh?” I asked, pausing automatically.
“呃？”我问道，条件反射地停在那里。
“Dad?” I called as I pushed open the front door. “I’m home.”
“爸爸？”我推开前门叫唤道。“我回来了。”
“Thirty seconds, please, Bella,” Alice told me. “Your patience will be rewarded.”
“再30秒，求你了，贝拉，”爱丽丝对我说。“你的耐心会有回报的。”
“You’re fine. Didn’t break the skin — trust me.”
“你很好。没有伤到你的皮肤，相信我。”
“What’s going on?” I demanded, hesitating in the doorway.
“怎么回事？”我喊道，在门口踌躇。
I tapped my foot, counting each beat. Before I got to thirty, Alice said, “Okay, Bella, come in!”
我用脚打着拍子，数着每一下。在数到30之前，爱丽丝就说，“好了，贝拉，进来吧！”
Charlie was furious, of course, but the sweet part was that he wasn’t furious at me. Renee was the traitor. He’d counted on her to play the heavy. What could he do now, when his ultimate threat — telling Mom — had turned out to be utterly empty? He had nothing, and he knew it. So he moped around the house, muttering things about not being able to trust anyone in this world…
查理很恼怒，当然万幸的是这火并不是冲着我发的。勒妮才是他认为的叛徒。他本指望她可以扮个红脸，可是当他最后的恐吓，告诉妈妈，这一招都已经完全落空时，现在他还能做什么呢。什么都不能，他知道的。所以他闷闷不乐地在屋子里转悠，絮絮叨叨地咕哝着这个世界上谁都不可以相信之类的话。
“Hold on, Bells, stay right there.”
“别动，贝拉，就呆在那里。”
“You’d think I was shoving bamboo splinters under your nails,” Alice muttered to herself as she followed me in.
“你看上去好像我要拿竹签插进你的指甲里，”爱丽丝一边嘀嘀咕咕的，一边随我进了房间。
“Oh,” I huffed. “Aw. Dad. Don’t you look –“
“噢，”我怪叫了一声。“哇。爸爸。你看起来有点……”
“Go to your happy place, Bella. It won’t take long.”
“快去你的快乐小屋，贝拉。不会花上很久的。”
I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes. Keeping them shut, I stumbled my way up the stairs to my room. I stripped down to my underwear and held my arms straight out.
我闭上眼睛，深吸一口气。我跌跌撞撞上了楼，进到我的房间，当中他们俩再也没有发过声音。我脱下衣服，直到只剩内衣，然后直直地伸出双臂。
“No one dressed by me ever looks like an idiot.”
“从来没有人在经我打造后还会看起来像傻瓜的。”
“She’s right, Dad. You look fabulous! What’s the occasion?”
“她是对的，爸爸。你看起来棒极了！爱丽丝你来有什么事？”
“Aaah.”
“啊哈。”
“Silly?” Charlie interrupted.
“很傻？”查理打断了我。
In my happy place, the whole wedding mess was over and done. Behind me. Already repressed and forgotten.
在我的快乐小屋里，所有的新婚布置都已经张罗妥当。甩在身后。已经被压抑和遗忘。
I paid no attention to her. I was in my happy place.
我没有怎么注意她，我已经在我的快乐小屋里了。
Charlie blushed. Alice took his elbow and tugged him around into a slow spin to showcase the pale gray tux.
查理的脸唰得红了。爱丽丝挽起他的胳膊，拽着他原地转了个圈以展示他那件浅灰色的无尾夜礼服。
I peeled my gaze off the unusually elegant Charlie for the first time and saw the dreaded white garment bag laid carefully across the sofa.
查理有生以来第一次显得如此儒雅，我把视线从他身上移开，沙发上小心摆放着的一个令人惊艳的白色礼服袋子吸引了我的注意。
“Now cut that out, Alice. I look like an idiot.”
“行了，到此为止吧，爱丽丝，我看起来像个傻瓜。”
“I was thinking more like debonair.”
“我在想你看上去彬彬有礼。”
Alice rolled her eyes. “It’s the final check on the fit. For both of you.”
爱丽丝睁大了眼睛。“来最后检查一遍服装。为你们两个。”
We were alone, just Edward and me. The setting was fuzzy and constantly in flux — it morphed from misty forest to cloud-covered city to arctic night — because Edward was keeping the location of our honeymoon a secret to surprise me. But I wasn’t especially concerned about the where part.
就我们两个人，爱德华和我。整个房间的布置变化丰富，让人目不暇接——包罗万象，从雾蒙蒙的森林到厚重的云彩——从城市到北极彻夜——因为爱德华对于蜜月地点仍然对我保密之中，想要给我个惊喜。但是我对地点倒不是特别关心。
Edward and I were together, and I’d fulfilled my side of our compromise perfectly. I’d married him. That was the big one. But I’d also accepted all his outrageous gifts and was registered, however futilely, to attend Dartmouth College in the fall. Now it was his turn.
只要爱德华和我在一起，我就有信心充分履行我俩的约定。我就要嫁给他了，这才是重中之重。所以我会接受他所有奢侈的礼物，虽然不情愿，也会在这个秋天去上达特茅斯大学。现在该轮到他了。
Here was the thing, though. I knew a little about what I was going to be like when I wasn’t human anymore. I’d seen newborn vampires firsthand, and I’d heard all my family-to-be’s stories about those wild early days. For several years, my biggest personality trait was going to be thirsty. It would take some time before I could be me again. And even when I was in control of myself, I would never feel exactly the way I felt now.
事情就是这样。当我不再是人类后，我会变成什么样子，对此我知之甚少。我曾直接目睹过新生的吸血鬼，我也曾听过我未来家族成员中的每个人在初期那些野蛮的故事。在好几年中，我最大的性格特征将会是饥渴，需要一段时间才能恢复本来的我。即使我可以控制住我自己，我的感受也会和现在完全不同。
Edward had an obsessive sort of concern over the human things that I would be giving up, the experiences he didn’t want me to miss. Most of them — like the prom, for example — seemed silly to me. There was only one human experience I worried about missing. Of course it would be the one he wished I would forget completely.
爱德华对于我行将要放弃的人类活动表现出过分的忧虑，他不希望我错过这些经验。大部分——比如舞会——对我来说显得尤为愚蠢。我只担心会错过一项人类的体验，关于这一项他总是希望我能忘得一干二净。
Before he turned me into a vampire — his big compromise — he had one other stipulation to make good on.
在他把我变成吸血鬼之前——这是他做出的极大妥协——他有另一项约定需要履行。
I wanted the complete experience before I traded in my warm, breakable, pheromone — riddled body for something beautiful, strong… and unknown. I wanted a real honeymoon with Edward. And, despite the danger he feared this would put me in, he’d agreed to try.
在我交出我那温暖，脆弱，充满激素的躯体，来换取某些美丽、强壮……和未知。我想和爱德华渡一个真正意义上的蜜月。并且，他也愿意尝试，尽管他还害怕这会置我于危险之中。
Human… and passionately in love.
人性……和炙烈的爱。
I was with Edward in my happy place.
我只要和爱德华在一起，在我的快乐小屋内。
I was only vaguely aware of Alice and the slip and slide of satin over my skin. I didn’t care, for the moment, that the whole town was talking about me. I didn’t think about the spectacle I would have to star in much too soon. I didn’t worry about tripping on my train or giggling at the wrong moment or being too young or the staring audience or even the empty seat where my best friend should be.
我只是模模糊糊的意识到Alice和皮肤上柔滑的缎子。我不介意在这一刻，全小镇都在谈论着我。我不在乎近在眼前的公开亮相；我不担心在行进的时候被绊倒或是在错误的时刻笑出声来，抑或是年纪太轻，或者来宾太出挑，甚至我好朋友的座位上空无一人。
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