I felt oddly buoyant as I walked from spanish toward the cafeteria, and it wasn’t just because I was holding hands with the most perfect person on the planet, though that was certainly part of it.
西班牙语课结束之后，我走在去食堂的路上，心中感到出奇的愉快，并不是因为我和这个星球上最完美的人手牵着手，尽管这肯定也是部分原因。
Or maybe it wasn’t anything to do with me specifically. Maybe it was the atmosphere of freedom that hung over the entire campus. School was winding down, and, for the senior class especially, there was a perceptible thrill in the air.
抑或是，跟我没什么特别的关系。或许是因为自由的氛围萦绕着整个校园，课业慢慢地放缓下来，特别是对于高年级学生而言，空气中洋溢着一种可以感知得到的兴奋。
Maybe it was the knowledge that my sentence was served and I was a free woman again.
或许是因为我获悉自己的刑期已经结束，我又是个自由人了。
Freedom was so close it was touchable, taste-able. Signs of it were everywhere. Posters crowded together on the cafeteria walls, and the trashcans wore a colorful skirt of spilled-over fliers: reminders to buy yearbooks, class rings, and announcements; deadlines to order graduation gowns, hats, and tassels; neon-bright sales pitches — the juniors campaigning for class office; ominous, rose-wreathed advertisements for this year’s prom. The big dance was this coming weekend, but I had an ironclad promise from Edward that I would not be subjected to that again. After all, I’d already had that human experience.
自由如此接近，到处都是它的信号，简直可以触摸得到了，品尝得到了。食堂的墙壁上贴满了海报，垃圾桶上披着一层漫溢出来的广告传单：买年鉴的提示，班级竞赛和通知；预订毕业礼服、帽子和流苏的截止日期；霓虹般闪亮的促销传单——二年级学生竞争班委会；散发着不祥的预兆的今年正式舞会的玫瑰花环广告。大舞会就在这个周末，但是我跟爱德华约定好决不再做这样的事情。毕竟，我已经有过这样的人类经验了。
Alice and Ben were already there, too, on either side of Angela. Ben was intent over a comic book, his glasses sliding down his narrow nose. Alice was scrutinizing my boring jeans-and-a-t-shirt outfit in a way that made me self-conscious. Probably plotting another makeover. I sighed. My indifferent attitude to fashion was a constant thorn in her side. If I’d allow it, she’d love to dress me every day — perhaps several times a day — like some oversized three-dimensional paper doll.
爱丽丝和本也已经坐在那里了，他们分别坐在安吉拉的两侧。本专注地读着一本笑话书，他的眼镜从窄窄的鼻梁上滑落下来。而爱丽丝则打量着我令人厌倦的牛仔裤与T恤的搭配，她的眼神让我感到有些神经过敏。或许她正在构思另一个改头换面的计划呢，我叹了叹气。我对时尚的漠然态度在她看来就像一根刺儿一样，要是我允许的话，她会每天为我打扮——说不定每天好几次——就像我是超大的立体纸玩偶一样。
But it was hard to escape such an omnipresent topic as graduation.
由于毕业临近，要逃避这个无处不在的话题并非易事。
No, it must be my personal freedom that lightened me today. The ending of the school year did not give me the pleasure it seemed to give the other students. Actually, I felt nervous to the point of nausea whenever I thought of it. I tried to not think of it.
不，一定是因为我个人的自由让我今天心情轻松了。本学期结束并没有带给我和其他学生一样的快乐，实际上，不管什么时候想到这一点，都会让我紧张得快要呕吐，我努力不要去想它。
“Have you sent your announcements, yet?” Angela asked when Edward and I sat down at our table. She had her light brown hair pulled back into a sloppy ponytail instead of her usual smooth hairdo, and there was a slightly frantic look about her eyes.
“你发出通知了吗？”我和爱德华在餐桌边坐下来的时候，安吉拉问道。她把淡棕色的头发梳到脑后扎成一个马尾辫了，一改她平时的发型，而且她的眼中闪烁着些许焦急的神色。
“No,” I answered Angela. “There’s no point, really. Renee knows when I’m graduating. Who else is there?”
“没有，”我回答安吉拉道，“没什么意义，真的。蕾妮知道我什么时候毕业，还有谁？”
“How about you, Alice?”
“你呢，爱丽丝？”
Alice smiled. “All done.”
爱丽丝微笑道：“都发出去了。”
“Lucky you.” Angela sighed. “My mother has a thousand cousins and she expects me to hand-address one to everybody. I’m going to get carpal tunnel. I can’t put it off any longer and I’m just dreading it.”
“你真幸运。”安吉拉叹气道，“我妈妈有上千个表兄妹，她希望我给每个人手写地址，我会得腕隧道综合征①的，我不能再拖延了，我只是感到害怕。”
Charlie would like that. From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward smile. He must like that, too — me fulfilling Charlie’s conditions without involving werewolves.
我从眼角可以看见爱德华在微笑。查理肯定也会高兴的——我满足了他的条件，而且不必牵连狼人。
Angela looked relieved. “That’s so nice of you. I’ll come over any time you want.”
安吉拉看来很放心了：“你太好了，只要你想，我随时都可以过来。”
“I’ll help you,” I volunteered. “If you don’t mind my awful handwriting.”
“我会帮你忙的，”我自告奋勇地说，“如果你不介意我的书法很糟糕的话。”
“Really?” Angela asked, mild excitement lighting her always-gentle brown eyes. “I thought you said you were in for life.”
“真的吗？”安吉拉问道，适当的兴奋在她那向来温柔的褐色眼睛里闪闪发光，“我以为你说你会终身关禁闭呢。”
“Actually, I’d rather go to your house if that’s okay — I’m sick of mine. Charlie un-grounded me last night.” I grinned as I announced my good news.
“实际上，我宁愿到你家，如果那样可以的话——我厌倦了我自己家里，查理昨天晚上解除禁令了。”我宣布自己的好消息时不禁露齿而笑起来。
“I’m more surprised than you are. I was sure I would at least have finished high school before he set me free.”
“我比你还要惊讶。我原本肯定我至少要等到高中毕业之后，他才会释放我的。”
“I’m sure I still have boundaries — like the continental U. S., for example.”
“我确信我还是受限制的——譬如，像美洲大陆上的美国一样。”
Angela and Ben laughed, but Alice grimaced in real disappointment.
安吉拉和本大笑起来，但是爱丽丝真的感到很失望，做了个鬼脸。
“Whatever you’re thinking, Alice, I doubt I’m that free.”
“不管你在想什么，爱丽丝，我怀疑我还没那么自由。”
“Well, this is great, Bella! We’ll have to go out to celebrate.”
“啊，太好了，贝拉！我们得出去庆祝一下。”
“So what are we doing tonight?” she persisted.
“那么我们今晚做什么呢？”她还是不肯罢休。
“You have no idea how good that sounds.”
“你知道这个点子真的很棒！”
“Free is free, right?” she insisted.
“自由就是自由，对不对？”她强词夺理。
“What should we do?” Alice mused, her face lighting up at the possibilities. Alice’s ideas were usually a little grandiose for me, and I could see it in her eyes now — the tendency to take things too far kicking into action.
“我们应该做什么呢？”爱丽丝沉思道，她的脸因为想到种种可能而容光焕发。爱丽丝的想法对我而言通常都有些夸张，我现在从她眼中就看得出——大张旗鼓的趋势已经呼之欲出了。
“Nothing. Look, let’s give it a couple of days to make sure he wasn’t joking. It’s a school night, anyway.”
“什么也不做，瞧，我们在确定他的确不是开玩笑之前，还得先观察几天。不管怎么说，今天还是上课的日子。”
“Sure,” I said, hoping to placate her. I knew I wasn’t going to do anything too outlandish; it would be safer to take it slow with Charlie. Give him a chance to appreciate how trustworthy and mature I was before I asked for any favors.
“当然。”我说道，希望能够安抚一下她。我知道我不打算做任何过于怪异的事情；应付查理慢慢来会更好。在我没向他提出要求之前，我得让他有机会欣赏一下我多么值得信赖，多么成熟。
“We’ll celebrate this weekend, then.” Alice’s enthusiasm was impossible to repress.
“那么，我们这个周末要庆祝一下啰。”根本无法击退爱丽丝的热情。
It didn’t take long to determine where my restlessness stemmed from.
没过多久我就确定自己无精打采的情绪源于何处了。
Angela and Alice started talking about options; Ben joined the conversation, setting his comics aside. My attention drifted. I was surprised to find that the subject of my freedom was suddenly not as gratifying as it had been just a moment ago. While they discussed things to do in Port Angeles or maybe Hoquiam, I began to feel disgruntled.
安吉拉和爱丽丝开始讨论起她的选择了；本把书放在一边，也加入了她们的谈话。我的注意力则漂到了别处，我惊讶地发现我重获自由的话题突然没有刚才那么令人满意了。当他们在去天使港或者霍奎厄姆庆祝的时候，我则开始感到不高兴了。
As the disturbing vision struck again, I knew exactly why I was dissatisfied with my liberty.
随着令人不安的幻景再次袭来，我很清楚为什么我的自由让我不满了，因为这个自由是不完整的。
Because it was incomplete. Sure, I was free to go to anywhere I wanted — except La Push; free to do anything I wanted — except see Jacob. I frowned at the table. There had to be some kind of middle ground.
当然啦，我可以自由地去任何我想去的地方——除了拉普西；我可以自由地做任何事情——除了见雅各布。我对着餐桌皱眉头，得有某种中间路线。
Ever since I’d said goodbye to Jacob Black in the forest outside my home, I’d been plagued by a persistent, uncomfortable intrusion of a specific mental picture. It popped into my thoughts at regular intervals like some annoying alarm clock set to sound every half hour, filling my head with the image of Jacob’s face crumpled in pain. This was the last memory I had of him.
自从我在我家外面的森林里和雅各布道别之后，一幅详细的心理画面就侵占了我的脑海，并且萦绕着我的思绪，久久挥之不去。它定时地跳进我的脑海，就好像惹人心烦的闹钟每隔半小时就响一次一样，让我的脑海中充斥着雅各布因为痛苦而眉头紧锁的脸庞的图像。这是我对他最后的记忆。
“Alice? Alice!”
“爱丽丝？爱丽丝！”
Then Edward laughed, a very natural, relaxed sound. Angela and Ben looked toward him, but my eyes were locked on Alice. She jumped suddenly, as if someone had kicked her under the table.
接着爱德华大笑起来，他的声音非常自然而且很放松。安吉拉和本望着他，但是我的眼睛还是盯着爱丽丝，她突然跳了起来，仿佛某人在桌子底下踢了她一脚似的。
“Is it naptime already, Alice?” Edward teased.
“已经到午睡时间了吗，爱丽丝？”爱德华打趣道。
Angela’s voice yanked me from my reverie. She was waving her hand back and forth in front of Alice’s blank, staring face. Alice’s expression was something I recognized — an expression that sent an automatic shock of panic through my body. The vacant look in her eyes told me that she was seeing something very different from the mundane lunchroom scene that surrounded us, but something that was every bit as real in its own way. Something that was coming, something that would happen soon. I felt the blood slither from my face.
安吉拉的声音把我从白日梦中拉回来，她的手在爱丽丝空洞而凝视的面孔前面来回地挥舞。爱丽丝的表情是我能认清的东西——这种表情令我浑身机械地惊恐万分起来。她眼中的空洞神色告诉我，她看见了某种完全不同于我们周遭平凡的午餐室的情景，但是那种东西以其自身的方式又是那么真实。某种东西快要来临，某个事件马上就要发生了，我感到血液都要从我的脸上渗透出来了。
Alice was herself again. “Sorry, I was daydreaming, I guess.”
爱丽丝又恢复常态了：“不好意思，我在做白日梦，我想。”
Alice threw herself back into the conversation with more animation than before — just a little bit too much. Once I saw her eyes lock with Edward’s, only for a moment, and then she looked back to Angela before anyone else noticed. Edward was quiet, playing absentmindedly with a strand of my hair.
爱丽丝更加兴致盎然地重新加入到他们的谈话之中去了——只是有点儿太过了。有一次我注意到她的眼睛注视着爱德华的眼睛，只是一小会儿，然后在没有人注意到之前就又看着安吉拉了。爱德华很安静，心不在焉地把玩着我的一缕头发。
“Daydreaming’s better than facing two more hours of school,” Ben said.
“做白日梦总比再面对两个小时的课好。”本说。
“… but I just replaced the battery,” Mike was saying. His eyes darted ahead and then back to Edward warily. Mystified, just like I was.
“……但是我刚刚换过电池。”迈克说，他的眼睛突然看着前面，接着又小心翼翼地看着爱德华，他百思不得其解，就和我一样。
It felt odd to me, almost deliberate. After lunch, Edward slowed his pace to match Ben’s, talking about some assignment I knew he’d already finished. Then there was always someone else there between classes, though we usually had a few minutes to ourselves. When the final bell rang, Edward struck up a conversation with Mike Newton of all people, falling into step beside him as Mike headed for the parking lot. I trailed behind, letting Edward tow me along.
我感到好生奇怪，甚至几乎可以说他是故意的。午餐后，爱德华放慢脚步以配合本的步伐，和他讨论我知道他已经完成了的作业。接着课堂之间总是有其他人，尽管我们通常有几分钟属于我们自己的时间。最后一节课的铃声终于响起后，爱德华又和人群中的迈克？牛顿开始聊天了，然后又追上迈克，和他一起走到停车场。我跟在他们身后，一路上让爱德华牵着我的手。
I listened, confused, while Mike answered Edward’s unusually friendly queries. It seemed Mike was having car troubles.
我听着他们说话，感到迷惑不解，而迈克则回答着爱德华少见的友善的询问。好像迈克的车出了故障。
I waited anxiously for a chance to ask Edward what Alice had seen in her vision, but the afternoon passed without one minute of alone time.
我焦急地伺机问爱德华：爱丽丝在她的预见中看到了什么，但是整个下午都没有我们两个人单独相处的时间。
“Maybe. I really don’t know anything about cars,” Mike admitted. “I need to have someone look at it, but I can’t afford to take it to Dowling’s.”
“可能吧。我真的不了解汽车，”迈克承认道，“我需要请人看看，但是我负担不起把它送到道灵汽修的修理费用。”
“Perhaps it’s the cables?” Edward offered.
“很可能是线圈？”爱德华提到。
I opened my mouth to suggest my mechanic, and then snapped it shut again. My mechanic was busy these days — busy running around as a giant wolf.
我张开嘴巴准备提议送到我的机械师那里去，接着我又突然闭嘴了。我的机械师这些天很忙——他已然变成巨大的狼四处奔跑。
“Er… thanks,” Mike mumbled when he recovered. “But I have to get to work. Maybe some other time.”
“呃……谢谢，”迈克恢复平静后说道，“但是我得去上班，要不改天吧。”
“Just being helpful,” Edward answered.
“只是想帮帮忙而已。”爱德华回答道。
“I know a few things — I could take a look, if you like,” Edward offered. “Just let me drop Alice and Bella at home.”
“我懂一些——我可以看一看，如果你允许的话，”爱德华主动提出来，“不过要等我把爱丽丝和贝拉送回家。”
“Absolutely.”
“没问题。”
“You’re really not that good a mechanic, Edward. Maybe you should have Rosalie take a look at it tonight, just so you look good if Mike decides to let you help, you know. Not that it wouldn’t be fun to watch his face if Rosalie showed up to help. But since Rosalie is supposed to be across the country attending college, I guess that’s not the best idea. Too bad. Though I suppose, for Mike’s car, you’ll do. It’s only within the finer tunings of a good Italian sports car that you’re out of your depth. And speaking of Italy and sports cars that I stole there, you still owe me a yellow Porsche. I don’t know that I want to wait for Christmas…”
“你真不是那么好的机械师，爱德华，或许你应该让罗莎莉今晚去看一看，这样的话，要是迈克决定请你帮忙的话，你就可以表现得精通机械了，你知道。不过，要是罗莎莉出手帮忙的话，迈克脸上的表情可就没那么有意思啦，但是既然罗莎莉就要到别处去上大学了，我想那可不是什么好点子。太糟糕了。尽管我猜你对迈克的车也只能做到这样了，你甚至搞不懂怎么调好一辆性能优良的意大利跑车的音量呢。对，说到意大利和我在那里偷的跑车，你还欠我一辆黄色的保时捷呢。我不知道我还能不能等到圣诞节……”
Edward’s Volvo, with Alice already inside, was just two cars away.
爱德华的沃尔沃在和我们隔着两部车的地方停着，爱丽丝已经坐在里面了。
“See ya.” Mike climbed into his car, shaking his head in disbelief.
“再见。”迈克爬进车里，难以置信地摇着头。
“What was that about?” I muttered as Edward held the passenger door for me.
“这到底是怎么回事儿？”爱德华为我开门的时候我低声问道。
Mike and I both stared at Edward with our mouths hanging open.
迈克和我目瞪口呆地盯着爱德华。
And then Alice, waiting in the backseat, was babbling at top speed:
接着爱丽丝等在后座上，含混不清地飞快地说道：
Edward seemed to realize that, too. He dropped Alice at the mouth of the Cullens’ drive as usual, though by this point I half expected him to drive her to the door and walk her in.
爱德华似乎也意识到了这一点。他和往常一样让爱丽丝在通往卡伦家的车道入口处下车，尽管此时我将信将疑地以为他会送她到门口，然后陪她走进去呢。
I stopped listening after a minute, letting her quick voice become just a hum in the background as I settled into my patient mode.
一会儿之后我就不想去听了，在我调整到耐心模式之后，我就让她活泼的声音变成嗡嗡的背景音了。
It looked to me like Edward was trying to avoid my questions. Fine. He would have to be alone with me soon enough. It was only a matter of time.
在我看来爱德华好像在回避我的问题一样。好极了，他很快就会和我单独在一起了，这只不过是时间的问题。
As she got out, Alice threw a sharp look at his face. Edward seemed completely at ease.
爱丽丝一下车就凶狠狠地看了他一眼。爱德华似乎十分自然，无动于衷。
“See you later,” he said. And then, ever so slightly, he nodded.
“待会儿见。”他说，接着他动作非常微妙地点了点头。
Alice turned to disappear into the trees.
爱丽丝转身消失在树林中。
He was quiet as he turned the car around and headed back to Forks. I waited, wondering if he would bring it up himself. He didn’t, and this made me tense. What had Alice seen today at lunch? Something he didn’t want to tell me, and I tried to think of a reason why he would keep secrets. Maybe it would be better to prepare myself before I asked. I didn’t want to freak out and have him think I couldn’t handle it, whatever it was.
他掉转车头朝福克斯开去，一路上一言不发。我等待着，想知道他是否会自己提出来。他没有，这让我感到很紧张。吃午饭的时候爱丽丝看见什么啦？是他不愿意告诉我的事情，我努力想出他不肯告诉我的理由。或许在我开口问之前我得先准备好，这样会更好。我不想被吓倒，让他认为我不能应付，不管是什么事情。
I looked up, intending to make a sarcastic remark, but his face was closer than I’d expected. His golden eyes were smoldering, just inches away, and his breath was cool against my open lips. I could taste his scent on my tongue.
我抬头看着他，打算挖苦一番，但是他的脸离我比想象的要近。他金色的眼眸在缓慢地燃烧，和我只隔几英寸，而他的呼吸令我张开的双唇感到冰凉，我的舌尖能够尝到他的气息。
“Do you suppose I’m allowed inside again?”
“你觉得我会被允许进屋吗？”
And then his fingers were on mine, holding them still.
接着他的手指按在我的上面，让它们停下来。
But I was sure Charlie was going to turn sulky fast when he got home and found Edward here. Maybe I should make something extra-special for dinner.
但是我确定查理回到家看到爱德华在马上就会脸色紧绷起来的，或许我晚餐得额外做点什么。
“Charlie didn’t throw a fit when you picked me up for school.”
“你接送我上学查理是不会以拳相向的。”
“Light homework load tonight,” he commented.
“今晚家庭作业不多。”他小声咕哝道。
I stowed my bag and turned the computer on. There was an unanswered e-mail from my mom to attend to, and she got panicky when I took too long. I drummed my fingers as I waited for my decrepit computer to wheeze awake; they snapped against the desk, staccato and anxious.
我收起书包，打开电脑。有一封我妈妈发过来的邮件，我还没来得及回复，要是我很久不回信的话，她会惊慌失措的。在等待着我那老态龙钟的电脑慢慢喘息着醒过来的时候，我在桌上不停地敲打着手指头；它们敲击着桌面，断断续续的，有些焦急不安。
Inside, I headed up the stairs, and Edward followed. He lounged on my bed and gazed out the window, seeming oblivious to my edginess.
进屋后，我朝楼梯走去，爱德华则跟着我。他懒洋洋地躺在我的床上，注视着窗外，好像无视于我的急躁不安。
“Mmm,” I assented.
“噢。”我应声道。
So we were both silent until we got to back to Charlie’s house.
我们一直默不作声，直到我们回到查理的屋子。
“Are we a little impatient today?” he murmured.
“我们今天有些烦躁吗？”他小声问道。
He didn’t give me a chance to recover.
他没给我恢复平静的机会。
I didn’t often get my way.
我通常都无路可逃。
I couldn’t remember the witty response I’d been about to make. I couldn’t remember my name.
我想不起来我要说的机智话语，我想不起自己的名字。
If I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing Edward. There wasn’t anything I’d experienced in my life that compared to the feeling of his cool lips, marble hard but always so gentle, moving with mine.
如果我有办法的话，我愿意一生中大部分时间都用来亲吻爱德华。在我的人生中所经历的事情中，没有哪一件能比得上他冰冷的双唇的感觉，它们宛如大理石般坚硬，但是却又总是那么温柔，和我的双唇一起移动。
So it surprised me a little when his fingers braided themselves into my hair, securing my face to his. My arms locked behind his neck, and I wished I was stronger — strong enough to keep him prisoner here. One hand slid down my back, pressing me tighter against his stone chest. Even through his sweater, his skin was cold enough to make me shiver — it was a shiver of pleasure, of happiness, but his hands began to loosen in response.
因此，当他的手指穿过我的发丝，让我的脸紧贴着他的时候，我有些惊讶。我的手臂紧箍着他的脖子，我希望我能更坚强一些——坚强到能让他永远成为我这里的囚徒。有一只手滑落到我的后背，把我抱得更紧了，紧靠着他冰冷的胸口。即使隔着一层毛衣，他的皮肤还是那么冷得足以令我颤抖——这是快乐的颤抖，幸福的颤抖，但是他的双手相应地开始松开我了。
I knew I had about three seconds before he would sigh and slide me deftly away, saying something about how we’d risked my life enough for one afternoon. Making the most of my last seconds, I crushed myself closer, molding myself to the shape of him. The tip of my tongue traced the curve of his lower lip; it was as flawlessly smooth as if it had been polished, and the taste —
我知道他在叹气，灵巧地躲开我，说一些我们整个下午如何冒着生命危险的话之前，我大概有三秒钟的时间，为了最大限度地利用我最后一秒钟的时间，我把他抱得更紧了，紧紧地和他贴在一起，我的舌尖顺着他下嘴唇的曲线，他的唇光滑圆润，完美无瑕，好像打磨过一样，而且他的味道——
I scanned through Renee’s e-mail, shaking my head now and then at some of the dippier things she’d done. I was just as entertained and horrified as the first time I’d read this. It was so like my mother to forget exactly how paralyzed she was by heights until she was already strapped to a parachute and a dive instructor. I felt a little frustrated with Phil, her husband of almost two years, for allowing that one. I would have taken better care of her. I knew her so much better.
我扫视着蕾妮的电子邮件，不时地对她所做的昏头涨脑的事情摇头。我每次读到这些邮件的时候，都和第一次读到的时候一样既开心又恐惧。我妈妈一贯如此，她总是忘记自己恐高，在和跳伞教练一起被绑在降落伞上之前，她在高处会一动不动。我对菲尔也感到很无计可施，现在他们结婚已经快两年了，居然会让她做这样的事情。换成是我的话，我会把她照顾得更好的，我更了解她。
“Ah, Bella.” He sighed.
“啊，贝拉。”他叹息道。
“Tell Renee I said hello.”
“代我向蕾妮问好。”
I exhaled a little dizzily. “If you think that’s necessary…”
我呼了口气，稍微有点儿眩晕：“如果你觉得有必要……”
“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.”
“我得说对不起，但是我不觉得对不起。”
He chuckled once, a low, throaty sound. His eyes were bright with the excitement he so rigidly disciplined.
他轻轻地笑了笑，发出一阵低沉、嘶哑的声音。他的双眼闪烁着兴奋的光芒，他一直都那么死板地自我克制。
“And I should feel sorry that you’re not sorry, but I don’t. Maybe I should go sit on the bed.”
“我应该为你不觉得对不起而感到抱歉了，但是我也不。或许，我该坐到床上去。”
“Sure thing.”
“没问题。”
He smiled crookedly and disentangled himself.
他狡黠地微笑着抽开身。
I shook my head a few times, trying to clear it, and turned back to my computer. It was all warmed up and humming now. Well, not as much humming as groaning.
我摇了几次头，试图扫除这些，转身面对电脑。现在它已经发热起来，发出嗡嗡的声音。好吧，与其说是嗡嗡声，还不如说是呻吟声。
He pulled my face away from his, breaking my hold with ease — he probably didn’t even realize that I was using all my strength.
他把我的脸从他的脸上推开，轻松地挣脱了我的拥抱——他可能根本没有意识到我正用尽全力。
I’d spent most of my life taking care of Renee, patiently guiding her away from her craziest plans, good-naturedly enduring the ones I couldn’t talk her out of. I’d always been indulgent with my mom, amused by her, even a little condescending to her. I saw her cornucopia of mistakes and laughed privately to myself. Scatterbrained Renee.
我人生中大部分时间都在照顾蕾妮，耐心地引导她远离那些疯狂的计划，好脾气地忍受着那些我没法说服她不要做的事情。我总是宠着我妈妈，被她逗乐，甚至带着那么一点儿优越感关心着她。我看过她一堆堆的错误，就像哺乳宙斯的羊角一样多，然后暗自大笑。莽撞而又轻率的蕾妮。
With the blood still pounding in my head from Edward’s kiss, I couldn’t help but think of my mother’s most life-altering mistake. Silly and romantic, getting married fresh out of high school to a man she barely knew, then producing me a year later. She’d always promised me that she had no regrets, that I was the best gift her life had ever given her. And yet she’d drilled it into me over and over — smart people took marriage seriously. Mature people went to college and started careers before they got deeply involved in a relationship. She knew I would never be as thoughtless and goofy and small-town as she’d been…
爱德华的吻使我的血液还在脑海中怦怦跳动，我不得不想到我妈妈所犯的错误中给她的人生带来最大改变的错误。愚蠢而浪漫，高中刚毕业就嫁给了她还不怎么了解的男人，接着一年后就生下了我。她总是向我保证她没有后悔，我是生活赋予她的最好的礼物。然而，她一再向我灌输——聪明人对待婚姻的态度应该很严肃。成熟的人要上大学，在深深地陷入一段感情之前要有自己的事业。她知道我永远不会像她过去那样凡事欠考虑、愚蠢、土里土气的……
You have to let them go their own way eventually, I reminded myself. You have to let them have their own life…
你终究要放手让他们自己生活的，我提醒自己，你得让他们有自己的生活……
I was a very different person from my mother. Someone thoughtful and cautious. The responsible one, the grown-up. That’s how I saw myself. That was the person I knew.
我和我母亲截然不同，我是个深思熟虑、小心谨慎的人，是责任心重，成熟的那个。那是我眼中的自己。那是我了解的自己。
I gritted my teeth and tried to concentrate as I answered her letter.
我咬紧牙关，给她回信的时候尽量全神贯注。
I sighed and typed quickly, tucking the answer to her question between two less sensitive paragraphs.
我叹了叹气，飞快地打字，把答案藏在两段不是那么敏感的话语里。
You haven’t said anything about Jacob in a long time, she’d written. What’s he up to these days?
你很久都没有提到雅各布了，她写道，这些天发生了什么事？
Charlie was prompting her, I was sure.
查理提醒她了，我确定。
Jacob is fine, I guess. I don’t see him much; he spends most of his time with a pack of his friends down at La Push these days.
雅各布很好，我想，我不常见他。这些天他大多数时间和他一群朋友在拉普西玩耍。
Smiling wryly to myself, I added Edward’s greeting and hit “send.”
我小心翼翼地笑了笑，加上爱德华的问候之后，按下了“发送”键。
I didn’t realize that Edward was standing silently behind me again until after I’d turned off the computer and shoved away from the desk. I was about to scold him for reading over my shoulder when I realized that he wasn’t paying any attention to me. He was examining a flat black box with wires curling crookedly away from the main square in a way that didn’t look healthy for whatever it was. After a second, I recognized the car stereo Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper had given me for my last birthday. I’d forgotten about the birthday presents hiding under a growing pile of dust on the floor of my closet.
直到我关闭电脑、从书桌边起身之前，我都没有注意到爱德华已经默默地站在我身后了。我正要责备他在我身后读我写的东西，这时，我才意识到他根本就没有注意我。他正在打量随便地塞在屋角的用丝线胡乱缠绕的扁平黑盒子，不管那是什么，它的样子都让人觉得不健康。不一会儿，我就认出来那是去年我过生日时，埃美特、罗莎莉和贾斯帕送给我的生日礼物——汽车里的立体声音响。我已经忘记了我的生日礼物藏在我衣橱底下布满灰尘的角落里。
Then I hit her parting line and remembered why I’d neglected to write sooner.
接着我突然发现她道别的话，想起为什么我没有更快地回复她了。
“You didn’t get much good out of your birthday presents last year,” he said in a disgruntled voice. Suddenly, he was fanning himself with a stiff rectangle of paper.
“去年你的生日没有得到什么好礼物。”他不悦地说道。突然，他用一张硬的方纸片扇起风来。
“So you felt the need to torture it?”
“所以你感到有必要折磨它？”
I shrugged. “Oh, well.”
我耸耸肩，不以为然地说：“哦，好。”
“It’s not for your sake that I’m going to replace it.” I sighed.
“我不是因为你才要换一个的。”我叹了叹气。
“Thanks, but I don’t need a fancy stereo.”
“谢谢，我不需要花哨的立体声音响。”
“It would hurt their feelings if they saw this,” he said. “I guess it’s a good thing that you’ve been on house arrest. I’ll have to get another one in place before they notice.”
“要是他们看到这些会伤害他们的感情的，”他说，“我想你关禁闭倒是件好事情。在他们没注意到之前，我要给你再装一个。”
“What did you do to this?” he asked in a horrorstruck voice.
“你对它做过什么？”他惊恐万分地问。
I didn’t answer, for fear my voice would shake. My disastrous eighteenth birthday — with all its far-reaching consequences — wasn’t something I cared to remember, and I was surprised that he would bring it up. He was even more sensitive about it than I was.
我没有回答，唯恐我的声音会颤抖。我灾难性的十八岁生日——和那些影响深远的结果一起——不是我有心要记住的东西，我很惊讶他会提到这件事情，他甚至比我对此更敏感。
“It didn’t want to come out of the dashboard.”
“它不愿意从仪表板里出来。”
He shook his head, his face a mask of faux tragedy. “You killed it.”
他摇了摇头，脸上戴着伪装的悲剧面具：“你杀死了它。”
“You know how I am with tools. No pain was inflicted intentionally.”
“你知道我对待工具的本事，我可没给它们造成什么痛苦。”
He flashed a brilliant smile. “Exactly.”
一抹灿烂的笑容闪过他的脸颊：“千真万确。”
“Nobody has custody of me. I’m an adult.”
“没有人对我有监护权，我已经成年了。”
“Do you realize these are about to expire?” he asked, holding the paper out to me. It was another present — the voucher for airplane tickets that Esme and Carlisle had given me so that I could visit Renee in Florida.
“你意识到这些快要过期了吗？”他问道，递给我一些纸。这是另外一份礼物——埃斯梅和卡莱尔送给我的机票，这样我就可以飞到佛罗里达去看蕾妮了。
I gasped. “By going to Florida?”
我张大嘴巴，喘着气说：“去佛罗里达？”
I took a deep breath and answered in a flat voice. “No. I’d forgotten all about them, actually.”
我深吸了一口气，单调地回答道：“没有，我实际上把它们全忘记了。”
“Well?” he demanded. “Are we going to see Renee or not?”
“好吗？”他追问道，“我们要不要去看蕾妮？”
“Charlie can’t keep you from visiting your mother. She still has primary custody.”
“查理不能阻止你去看你妈妈，她还拥有主要的监护权。”
“Charlie will never allow it.”
“查理肯定不会答应的。”
His expression was carefully bright and positive; there was no trace of any deep emotion as he continued. “Well, we still have a little time. You’ve been liberated… and we have no plans this weekend, as you refuse to go to the prom with me.” He grinned. “Why not celebrate your freedom this way?”
他的表情小心翼翼的明朗而积极，他继续说话的时候没有流露出任何藏而不露的感情的痕迹，“哦，我们还有一点儿时间，你已经获得自由了……我们这个周末也没有计划，既然你拒绝和我一起参加舞会。”他露齿一笑，问道，“为什么不这样来庆祝你的自由呢？”
“You did say something about the continental U. S. being allowable.”
“你确实说了有关美国大陆范围内的地方是可以的话。”
I glared at him, suspicious, trying to understand where this had come from.
我怒视着他，心存怀疑，试图弄明白这到底是怎么回事儿。
I thought it over for a short minute before deciding that it wasn’t worth the fight. Charlie would be furious — not that I was going to see Renee, but that Edward was going with me. Charlie wouldn’t speak to me for months, and I’d probably end up grounded again. It was definitely smarter not to even bring it up. Maybe in a few weeks, as a graduation favor or something.
我想了一会儿才确定是否值得和查理吵架。查理会大发雷霆的——不是因为我去看蕾妮，而是因为我和爱德华一起去。查理会几个月不理我，最终很可能我又会被关禁闭，不提这件事情肯定会更好。或许再过几个星期，作为毕业礼物或诸如此类的。
But the idea of seeing my mother now, not weeks from now, was hard to resist. It had been so long since I’d seen Renee. And even longer since I’d seen her under pleasant circumstances. The last time I’d been with her in Phoenix, I’d spent the whole time in a hospital bed. The last time she’d come here, I’d been more or less catatonic. Not exactly the best memories to leave her with.
不过，我很难拒绝现在就去看我妈妈的提议，而不必等到几个星期之后。我已经很久没有见过蕾妮了，在更令人高兴的情形下见过她是更久以前的事情了。上一次我和她在凤凰城的时候，我一天到晚都躺在医院的病床上。上一次她来到这里，我或多或少有些神经紧张，留给她的回忆并不是那么美好。
Edward scrutinized my face while I deliberated.
我在思考这些的时候，爱德华打量着我的脸。
And maybe, if she saw how happy I was with Edward, she would tell Charlie to ease up.
或许，要是她看见我和爱德华在一起有多么开心，她就会告诉查理放松一些的。
I sighed. “Not this weekend.”
我叹了叹气，说：“这个周末不行。”
“Why not?”
“为什么不行？”
His eyebrows pulled together. “I think this weekend is perfect,” he muttered.
他的眼睛眯成一条缝，“我觉得这个周末好极了。”他低声说。
“I don’t want to fight with Charlie. Not so soon after he’s forgiven me.”
“我不想和查理吵架。他刚刚原谅我没多久，我不想。”
Suspicion returned. This kind of behavior was unlike him. He was always so impossibly selfless; I knew it was making me spoiled.
怀疑又回来了，这种行为举止不像他，他总是难以置信地无私。我知道这会宠坏我的。
“You can go anywhere you want,” I pointed out.
“你可以去你想去的任何地方。”我指出。
His expression was composed; there was only the slightest hardening of his topaz eyes. “She’s been seeing Jasper in a strange place, somewhere in the southwest, she thinks, near his former… family. But he has no conscious intentions to go back.” He sighed. “It’s got her worried.”
他的表情很平静，只不过他琥珀色的眼神稍微变得有些坚硬：“她看见贾斯帕在一个奇怪的地方，在西南部的某个地方，她想，在他以前……的家人附近，但是他没有回去的意图，”他叹气道，“这令她忧心忡忡。”
“You aren’t the only one who’s been trapped in this house, you know.” He frowned at me.
“你并不是被困在这个屋子里的唯一的人，你知道。”他对我皱着眉头说。
“The outside world holds no interest for me without you.”
“没有你，外面的世界对我没有任何吸引力。”
“I’m serious,” he said.
“我是认真的。”他说。
“Let’s take the outside world slowly, all right? For example, we could start with a movie in Port Angeles…”
“我们慢慢来考虑外面的世界，好吗？比如，我们可以在天使港看部电影……”
He groaned. “Never mind. We’ll talk about it later.”
他抱怨着说：“没关系，我们以后再谈。”
I rolled my eyes at the hyperbole.
听见他夸大其词，我骨碌碌地转了转眼珠子。
“There’s nothing left to talk about.”
“没什么好谈的。”
He shrugged. “Okay, then, new subject,” I said. I’d almost forgotten my worries about this afternoon — had that been his intention? “What did Alice see today at lunch?”
他耸了耸肩。“好吧，那么，换个话题，”我说，我几乎忘记了今天下午我担心的事情——难道这才是他的目的？“吃午饭的时候爱丽丝看见什么了？”
I shook my head. “Another time.”
我摇摇头，说：“改天吧。”
My eyes were fixed on his face as I spoke, measuring his reaction.
我说话的时候紧盯着他的脸，想观察一下他的反应。
My imagination was sadly out of control. I’d taken a perfectly normal afternoon and twisted it until it looked like Edward was going out of his way to keep things from me. I needed therapy.
令人悲伤的是，我的想象力失去控制了，我和平常完全一样，思前想后地考虑了整个下午，最后终于得出结论，爱德华似乎有什么事情瞒着我，我需要心理治疗了。
“Oh.” That was nothing close to what I’d been expecting. But of course it made sense that Alice would be watching out for Jasper’s future. He was her soul mate, her true other half, though they weren’t as flamboyant about their relationship as Rosalie and Emmett were. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“哦。”这和我所期待的相去甚远，不过，爱丽丝当然会关注贾斯帕的未来。他是她的精神伴侣，她真实的另一半，尽管他们俩并没有像罗莎莉和埃美特那样炫耀他们的关系，“为什么你不早些告诉我？”
We went downstairs to work on our homework, just in case Charlie showed up early. Edward finished in minutes; I slogged laboriously through my calculus until I decided it was time to fix Charlie’s dinner. Edward helped, making faces every so often at the raw ingredients — human food was mildly repulsive to him. I made stroganoff from Grandma Swan’s recipe, because I was sucking up. It wasn’t one of my favorites, but it would please Charlie.
我们下楼去做作业，以防查理早回来。爱德华没几分钟就做完了，我缓慢艰难地做着微积分作业，直到我决定要给查理做晚餐了。爱德华在一边帮忙，过于频繁地看着我的原材料做鬼脸——人类的食物对他而言有些恶心。我照着斯旺祖母的秘方做了一道酸奶油蘑菇肉汤，因为我要拍马屁了。这不是我最喜欢的菜，但是这会令查理高兴的。
“I didn’t realize you’d noticed,” he said. “It’s probably nothing important, in any case.”
“我没意识到你注意到了，”他说，“不管怎么样，或许没什么重要的。”
“That was great, Bells.”
“好极了，贝儿。”
After forcing down three helpings, Charlie kicked his feet up on the spare chair and folded his hands contentedly across his distended stomach.
在狼吞虎咽地吃下三盘菜之后，查理抬起他的脚把它们放在另一张凳子上，双手心满意足地交叉放在胀大的肚皮上。
“I’m glad you liked it. How was work?” He’d been eating with too much concentration for me to make conversation before.
“我很高兴你喜欢吃，工作怎么样？”他先前吃饭的时候太专注了，根本没容我和他说话。
Charlie seemed to already be in a good mood when he got home. He didn’t even go out of his way to be rude to Edward. Edward excused himself from eating with us, as usual. The sound of the nightly news drifted from the front room, but I doubted Edward was really watching.
查理到家的时候心情已经很不错了，他甚至对爱德华也没有无礼之处，爱德华和往常一样托词不和我们一起吃晚饭。晚间新闻的声音从前屋飘过来，但是我怀疑爱德华是不是真的在看。
I tried to keep my expression the same. “How is he?”
我努力保持相同的神情：“他怎么样？”
“Good, good. His joints are bothering him a little.”
“很好，很好，他的关节让他有些不舒服。”
“Sort of slow. Well, dead slow really. Mark and I played cards for a good part of the afternoon,” he admitted with a grin. “I won, nineteen hands to seven. And then I was on the phone with Billy for a while.”
“有点儿慢，哦，实际上慢得要死。马克和我打了一下午的牌，”他咧开嘴巴笑着承认说，“我赢了，十九手对七手，接着我和比利通了会儿电话。”
“Yeah. He invited us down to visit this weekend. He was thinking of having the Clearwaters and the Uleys over too. Sort of a playoff party…”
“是啊，他邀请我们这个周末到他们家去。他也想邀请克力尔沃特家和乌利家的人过去呢，有点儿像最后的派对一样……”
“Oh. That’s too bad.”
“哦，那太糟糕了。”
Charlie stopped in the middle of his little kitchen. “Yeah?”
查理在小厨房的中央停了下来：“有事吗？”
Charlie sighed and gave up for the moment, though I imagined he would revisit the subject when we were alone again. He heaved himself to his feet and headed for the TV, just like every other night.
查理叹了叹气，不一会儿就放弃了，尽管我想他会在我们单独在一起之后重提话题的。和每天晚上一样，他迈着沉重的步子朝电视机走去。
“Huh,” was my genius response. But what could I say? I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to hit a werewolf party, even with parental supervision. I wondered if Edward would have a problem with Charlie hanging out in La Push. Or would he suppose that, since Charlie was mostly spending time with Billy, who was only human, my father wouldn’t be in danger?
“咻！”是我天才的反应，但是我能说什么呢？我知道我不会被允许参加狼人派对的，即使有父亲监护也不行。我不知道爱德华是否会对查理在拉普西玩有意见，或者既然查理大多数时间都和比利在一起，而他只是个人类，我的父亲不会有危险，他会不会这么认为呢？
“Charlie,” Edward said in a conversational tone.
“查理。”爱德华用交谈的口吻叫道。
I got up and piled the dishes together without looking at Charlie. I dumped them into the sink and started the water. Edward appeared silently and grabbed a dishtowel.
我起身把盘子堆在一起，没有看查理。我把它们扔在水池里，打开水龙头。爱德华静悄悄地出现了，手里拿着一条干毛巾。
“Did Bella ever tell you that my parents gave her airplane tickets on her last birthday, so that she could visit Renee?”
“贝拉有没有跟您提过去年她过生日时，我父母送给她机票让她去看蕾妮？”
I dropped the plate I was scrubbing. It glanced off the counter and clattered noisily to the floor. It didn’t break, but it spattered the room, and all three of us, with soapy water. Charlie didn’t even seem to notice.
我正在擦拭的盘子突然跌落下去，它擦过灶台，哐啷一声掉在地上。盘子没有打破，但是溅落的肥皂水打湿了房间和我们三个人，查理甚至没有注意到这些。
“I forgot,” I admitted.
“我忘记了。”我承认。
“Hmm,” Edward murmured.
“嗯，”爱德华咕哝了一声。
The plate I dropped this time landed in the sink, so it didn’t make as much noise. I could easily hear the sharp huff as my father exhaled. The blood rushed into my face, fueled by irritation and chagrin. Why was Edward doing this? I glared at the bubbles in the sink, panicking.
我刚刚弄掉在地上的盘子现在跌落在水槽里，所以没发出那么大的声音。我能清楚地听见我爸爸呼出的怒气，血液涌上了我的脸颊，因为生气和委屈而恼怒。爱德华为什么要这么做？我盯着水池里的肥皂泡，惊慌失措。
“I noticed that you said they’re about to expire, Edward,” Charlie went on. “How many tickets did your parents give her?”
“我注意到你说它们快要过期了，爱德华，”查理继续说，“你父母给了她几张机票？”
“Mmm,” I murmured vaguely, and turned back to the sink.
“嗯，”我含糊地应道，转身面向水槽。
Edward shrugged. “They’re about to expire. I think it might hurt Esme’s feelings if Bella doesn’t use her gift. Not that she’d say anything.”
爱德华耸耸肩，说：“它们快过期了，我觉得要是贝拉不用她的礼物的话，埃斯梅会伤心的。而不是她说过什么。”
Charlie thought for a minute. “It’s probably a good idea for you to visit your mom, Bella. She’d love that. I’m surprised you didn’t say anything about this, though.”
查理想了一会儿，说：“贝拉，去看看你妈妈倒是个不错的主意，她会高兴的。不过，我倒是很惊讶你对此只字未提。”
I kept my eyes on the plate as I retrieved it. “Yeah, they did.”
我盯着拾起来的盘子说：“是的，他们是送过我机票。”
I stared at Edward in disbelief.
我难以置信地盯着爱德华。
He frowned. “You forgot that someone gave you plane tickets?”
他皱了皱眉头：“你忘记有人给你送过机票？”
“Was there a reason you brought it up?” Charlie asked in a hard voice.
“你提到此事有什么原因吗？”查理不友善地问道。
Charlie swallowed loudly, and then his eyes narrowed as he turned back to Edward. “No, she never mentioned it.”
查理咽口水的时候声音很大，接着他的目光落在爱德华身上，眼睛眯了起来：“没有，她从来没提过。”
“Just one for her… and one for me.”
“只是一张给她的……一张给我的。”
“Bella?” he asked in a stunned voice.
“贝拉？”他惊讶地问道。
Charlie ignored him. “You’re not going anywhere with him, young lady!” he yelled. I spun around and he was jabbing a finger at me.
查理根本没理他：“你不许跟他一起到任何地方，年轻的女士！”他叫道。我转过身来，他正用一个手指头指着我。
“That’s out of the question!” Charlie was abruptly in a rage, shouting the words.
“那不可能。”查理突然暴跳如雷地吼出这些话。
“Why?” Edward asked, his voice saturated with innocent surprise. “You just said it was a good idea for her to see her mother.”
“为什么？”爱德华问道，他的声音充满了无辜的惊讶，“您刚刚说过，去看看她妈妈是个不错的主意。”
“Because I said so.”
“因为我说的。”
I took a deep breath and tried to make my tone more reasonable. “I’ll do my time without complaining when I’ve done something wrong, Dad, but I’m not going to put up with your prejudices.”
我深吸了一口气，努力用讲道理的语气跟他说：“我做错事情，您这么惩罚我我毫无怨言。爸爸，但是我不打算容忍您的偏见。”
Anger pulsed through me automatically, an instinctive reaction to his tone.
愤怒无意识地爆发出来，这是对他的语气的自然反应。
“I’m not a child, Dad. And I’m not grounded anymore, remember?”
“我不是个小孩子了，爸爸。我也不再被关禁闭了，您还记得吗？”
“Oh yes, you are. Starting now.”
“哦，是的，是这样，现在就开始。”
“Do I need to remind you that I’m a legal adult, Charlie?”
“我需要提醒您我是合法的成年人了吗，查理？”
Charlie’s face went bright red. I instantly felt horrible for playing the move-out card.
查理的脸涨得通红，我突然感到打“搬出去”这张牌很恐怖。
“For what?!”
“为什么？！”
“This is my house — you follow my rules!”
“这是我的屋子——你得按我的规矩办事。”
My glare turned icy. “If that’s how you want it. Do you want me to move out tonight? Or can I have a few days to pack?”
我的怒火变成了冰：“要是你想要这么做的话，你要我今晚就搬出去吗？或者我还有几天的时间收拾行李？”
Charlie flinched at the threat implicit in my question.
查理对我的问题中隐藏的威胁退避三舍。
“Bella –“
“贝拉——”
“You’d better not,” he warned. “I’m not happy about this, Bella.”
“你最好不要，”他警告说，“我为此很不高兴，贝拉。”
“Would it bother you if I took Jacob?”
“要是我跟雅各布一起去，你会不高兴吗？”
“Girls,” he grunted, with a nod.
“都是女孩子。”他哼了一声，点了点头。
He threw me a withering look.
他抛给我一个毁灭性的眼神。
“Are you implying something about Mom’s ability to look after me?”
“你在暗示我妈妈照顾我的能力吗？”
He sputtered, but managed nothing coherent.
他气急败坏，但是没说出一句连贯的话。
“You’re a rotten liar, Dad.”
“你是个糟糕的骗子，爸爸。”
My father struggled to compose himself before he answered. “Yes,” he said in an unconvincing voice. “That would bother me.”
我父亲努力恢复平静之后才回答，“会，”他说话的语气一点儿也不令人信服，“那会让我不高兴。”
“Now, I know that you know that I have every right to see Mom for the weekend. You can’t honestly tell me you’d object to the plan if I was going with Alice or Angela.”
“现在，我知道你明白我有权周末去看妈妈。你无法老实地告诉我，要是我跟爱丽丝或者安吉拉一起去的话，你会反对这个计划。”
I’d only picked the name because I knew of my father’s preference for Jacob, but I quickly wished I hadn’t; Edward’s teeth clenched together with an audible snap.
我挑了这个名字是因为我知道我父亲更喜欢雅各布，但是我很快就希望我没有；爱德华的牙齿紧咬在一起，发出听得见的噼啪声。
“You’d better hope I don’t mention this to her,” I said.
“你最好希望我别对她提起此事，”我说。
“It’s not like I’m headed off to Vegas to be a showgirl or anything. I’m going to see Mom,” I reminded him. “She’s just as much my parental authority as you are.”
“又不是我跑到维加斯去当歌舞女郎或诸如此类的。我只是去看妈妈，”我提醒他，“她和你一样享有做父母的权利。”
He didn’t look as apprehensive as I thought he should.
他看起来没有我想象中的那样诚惶诚恐。
“We’re going out?” Edward asked, his voice low but enthusiastic.
“我们要出去吗？”爱德华问，他的声音低沉而充满热情。
Naturally, as soon as I’d won the fight, I began to feel guilty.
自然啦，我一赢了这场架就开始感到内疚了。
“I have?”
“我有吗？”
“Where are you going?” His face, almost back to normal, flushed light red again.
“你要去哪里？”他的脸，几乎恢复正常了，现在猛地又涨红了。
“What was that.” I demanded.
“你干吗要那么做？”我追问道。
He rolled his eyes, but I could tell the storm was over.
他转了转眼珠，但是我敢说暴风雨已经结束了。
He nodded. “But, clearly, you were too much of a coward to deal with Charlie, so I interceded on your behalf.”
他点点头：“不过，很显然，你在查理面前是个胆小鬼，所以我代你求情了。”
“I’m not sure,” I admitted. “I’ll keep it within a ten-mile radius, though. Okay?”
“我不知道，”我承认，“不过，我会在十英里之内，这样好了吗？”
I turned to glower at him. “Yes. I think I’d like to speak to you alone.”
我转过身凶巴巴地看着他：“是的，我想我要和你单独谈一谈。”
He grunted something that did not sound like approval, and stalked out of the room.
他哼出一些听起来不像是同意了的话，然后就踱出厨房了。
I waited to begin until we were safely in his car.
直到我们上了车，确定查理什么也听不见了之后，我才开口说话。
“I know you want to see your mother, Bella — you’ve been talking about her in your sleep. Worrying actually.”
“我知道你想见你妈妈，贝拉——你睡觉的时候一直在说她，实际上是担心。”
I turned to pull the plug out of the sink. “So my homework is done, your dinner is done, the dishes are done, and I’m not grounded. I’m going out. I’ll be back before ten-thirty.”
我转过身把水槽里的插销拉出来：“既然我的家庭作业做完了，你也吃完晚饭了，盘子也洗干净了，我已解除禁闭了。我现在要出去。我十点半回来。”
“There’s no reason for you to be upset.”
“你没有理由不高兴。”
“I told you I didn’t want to fight with Charlie.”
“我跟你说过我不想跟查理吵架。”
It was just like with Charlie before — just like being treated as a misbehaving child. I gritted my teeth together so I wouldn’t start shouting. I didn’t want to fight with Edward, too.
这就和跟查理在一起一样——就好像是对待一个做错事的小孩一样。我咬紧牙关，这样就不会开始叫喊，我不想也和爱德华吵架。
Edward sighed, and when he spoke his voice was warm and velvet again. “So what do you want to do tonight?” he asked.
爱德华叹了叹气，当他开始说话的时候声音又变得温暖起来，像天鹅绒一样了，“那么你今晚想干什么？”他问道。
“Does this sudden urge to see Florida have anything to do with the party at Billy’s place?”
“突然要去佛罗里达跟比利家的派对有关吗？”
He chuckled. “Well, that’s not my fault.”
他轻声笑了起来：“哦，那可不是我的错。”
I glowered at him. “I can’t help myself when he gets all bossy like that — my natural teenage instincts overpower me.”
我愤怒地看着他：“他变得那么颐指气使，我根本无法控制自己——与生俱来的青春期的逆反心理占了上风。”
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t think you were in any danger.”
他转了转眼睛：“我认为你不会遇到危险。”
His jaw flexed. “Nothing at all. It wouldn’t matter if you were here or on the other side of the world, you still wouldn’t be going.”
他的下巴紧绷起来：“一点儿关系也没有。你在这里或者在世界的另一头，都无所谓，你还是不会去的。”
“Nobody said that you had to.”
“没人说过你非要跟他吵。”
I stared at him, speculating. He didn’t seem to notice. His face was serene as he gazed out the windshield. Something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Or maybe it was just my imagination again, running wild like it had this afternoon.
我盯着他，思考着。他似乎根本没注意，他的眼睛凝视着挡风玻璃之外时表情很平静。什么东西中断了，但是我没法用手指让它继续。或许只是我的想象，就和今天下午一样胡思乱想。
“Interceded? You threw me to the sharks!”
“代我求情？你把我抛给鲨鱼算了。”
He laughed and kissed the top of my head. “I’ll be back when Charlie’s snoring.”
他大笑起来，吻着我的头顶说：“查理打鼾的时候我就回来。”
We didn’t stay out late, as I’d promised. I was not surprised to see the lights still on when we pulled up in front of the house — I knew Charlie would be waiting to yell at me some more.
我们没有在外面待到很晚，正如我保证的一样。当我们在屋前停下来的时候，我并不惊讶屋里的灯还亮着——我知道查理会等着我对我再教训一番的。
“What’s up, Dad?”
“有事吗，爸爸？”
“Did you have a nice time tonight?” he asked. He seemed ill at ease. I looked for hidden meanings in his words before I answered.
“你今晚玩得开心吗？”他问道。他似乎有些不安，在我回答之前，我寻找着他话中隐藏的其他意思。
The TV was loud when I got inside. I briefly considered trying to sneak past him.
我进屋的时候电视机的声音很大，有那么一会儿，我想偷偷地从他面前走开。
He smiled. “She’ll like that. Especially when she hears what we’re doing this weekend.”
他微笑着说：“她会很高兴的，特别是当她听说我们周末要干什么之后。”
“I’ll see you later,” I muttered glumly.
“我们待会儿见。”我闷闷不乐地咕哝道。
“His thoughts are relatively calm,” Edward teased. His expression made me wonder if there was some additional joke I was missing. The corners of his mouth twitched, fighting a smile.
“他的思绪相对平静。”爱德华捉弄道，他的表情令我惊讶我是否错过了其他的玩笑。他的嘴角一阵颤抖，挤出一个微笑。
“Could you come in here, Bella?” Charlie called, sinking that plan.
“你能进来吗，贝拉？”查理叫道，那个计划也搁浅了。
My feet dragged as I took the five necessary steps.
要进家门得走五步，我慢悠悠地迈出这几步。
“You’d better not come inside,” I said. “It will only make things worse.”
“你最好别进来，”我说，“这只会让事情变得更糟糕。”
I groaned in defeat.
我挫败地呻吟着。
“Can we go to your house? I haven’t seen Esme in so long.”
“我们能去你家吗？我好久没见埃斯梅了。”
“What did you do?”
“你们做了什么？”
“What is it, Dad?”
“您要说什么，爸爸？”
“Look, there’s something I need to say.” He frowned, looking very uncomfortable.
“瞧，有些话我得说。”他皱了皱眉头，看起来非常不安。
I smiled. Edward and Alice playing chess was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen. They’d sat there nearly motionless, staring at the board, while Alice foresaw the moves he would make and he picked the moves she would make in return out of her head. They played most of the game in their minds; I think they’d each moved two pawns when Alice suddenly flicked her king over and surrendered. It took all of three minutes.
我笑了，爱德华和爱丽丝下象棋是我看到过的最有趣的事情之一。他们坐在那里，盯着棋盘，几乎一动不动，而爱丽丝能预见爱德华的下一步棋，而他则能抓准爱丽丝脑海想要走的棋。他们下棋大部分都是在脑海里进行的，我想他们两个人都走了两次卒，这时爱丽丝不经意地抛掉她的王牌，然后就投降了。总共才花了三分钟。
I sat still, waiting. He met my gaze for a second before shifting his eyes to the floor. He didn’t say anything more.
我坐在那里一动不动，等待着。他看了一会儿我的眼神，然后眼睛看着地面，也没说什么其他的话。
“Okay, Bella. Here’s the thing.” He got up from the couch and started pacing back and forth across the room, looking as his feet all the time. “You and Edward seem pretty serious, and there are some things that you need to be careful about. I know you’re an adult now, but you’re still young, Bella, and there are a lot of important things you need to know when you… well, when you’re physically involved with –“
“好吧，贝拉，是这样的，”他从沙发上站了起来，一直看着他的脚，在屋子里走来走去，“你和爱德华看来非常认真，有些事情你得谨慎一些，我知道你现在是大人了，但是你还是很年轻，贝拉，你还需要知道许多重要的事情，当你……哦，当你们身体上接触的时候——”
He sighed. “I’m not good at this kind of thing. I don’t know how to start…”
他叹了叹气：“我不擅长这种事情，我不知道怎么开口……”
I shrugged. “Hung out with Alice and Jasper. Edward beat Alice at chess, and then I played Jasper. He buried me.”
我耸耸肩：“和爱丽丝、贾斯帕一起玩儿。爱德华和爱丽丝下象棋，爱丽丝输了，然后我和贾斯帕下，结果我输了。”
I waited again.
我只好再等。
“Yes,” I said hesitantly.
“是的，”我犹豫不决地说道。
Charlie hit the mute button — an unusual action.
查理按了静音键——这可不常见。
He glared at the floor. “I am your father. I have responsibilities. Remember, I’m just as embarrassed as you are.”
他盯着地板：“我是你父亲，我有责任，要记住，我和你一样尴尬。”
“Oh, please, please no!” I begged, jumping to my feet. “Please tell me you are not trying to have a sex talk with me, Charlie.”
“哦，求你了，求你别说了！”我跳着站起来祈求道，“求你告诉我，你可不是要跟我讨论性，查理。”
“I don’t think the essentials have changed that much,” I mumbled, and my face had to be as red as his. This was beyond the seventh circle of Hades; even worse was realizing that Edward had known this was coming. No wonder he’d seemed so smug in the car.
“我认为问题的关键并没有发生多少改变。”我轻声说道，我的脸和他的一样红。这根本超越了海德斯的第七狱，更糟糕的是爱德华意识到查理会跟我谈这些，难怪他在车里会沾沾自喜呢。
“I don’t think that’s humanly possible. Anyway, Mom beat you to the punch about ten years ago. You’re off the hook.”
“根据人的经验，我认为那样的事情不可能发生。不管怎么样，妈妈大概在十年前就跟我说过了，你可以脱身了。”
“Ten years ago you didn’t have a boyfriend,” he muttered unwillingly. I could tell he was battling with his desire to drop the subject. We were both standing up, looking at the floor, and facing away from each other.
“十年前你没有男朋友。”他不情愿地咕哝道，我敢说他自己也在和自己放弃这个话题的欲望作斗争。我们两个人都站立着，看着地面，不看彼此。
“Just tell me that you two are being responsible,” Charlie pled, obviously wishing a pit would open in the floor so that he could fall in.
“只要告诉我你们俩会认真负责就行了。”查理祈求道，很显然他希望地板上破一个洞他就可以钻进去了。
“Don’t worry about it, Dad, it’s not like that.”
“别担心，爸爸，不是你想的那样。”
I laughed awkwardly. “Maybe the times have, but Edward is very old-fashioned. You have nothing to worry about.”
我笨拙地大笑起来：“或许时代是不同了，但是爱德华是非常守旧的，你没什么好担心的。”
“I just wanted to know how the balance thing is coming along.”
“我只是想知道平衡的事情进展如何了。”
I shot a glance at him, and was grateful to see that he looked more relaxed, that his face was back to its regular color. He sank down onto the sofa, sighing with relief that he was past the sex speech.
我扫了他一眼，而且心存感激地看见他的脸色现在好多了，也恢复到本来的颜色。他坐进沙发里，欣慰地叹着气，关于性的讨论终于结束了。
We both cringed, but then Charlie’s face smoothed out. He seemed to believe me.
我们俩都畏缩了，不过接着查理的脸就舒展开了，他好像相信我了。
“Can I go to bed, now? Please.”
“我现在可以去睡觉了吗？求你了。”
“Not that I don’t trust you, Bella, but I know you don’t want to tell me anything about this, and you know I don’t really want to hear it. I will try to be open-minded, though. I know the times have changed.”
“不是我不相信你，贝拉，但是我知道你不愿意告诉我这方面的事情，你知道我也不是真的想听，不过，我会努力态度开明的，我知道时代不同了。”
“Ugh!” I groaned. “I really wish you were not forcing me to say this out loud, Dad. Really. But… I am a… virgin, and I have no immediate plans to change that status.”
“咻！”我叹息着说，“我真的希望你别逼着我说出这样的话来，爸爸，真的。但是……我是……处女，而且我近期也没有计划要改变这一状态。”
“Aw, please, Dad? I’m begging you.”
“哇，求你了，还有什么事，爸爸？我求你了。”
“The embarrassing part’s over, I promise,” he assured me.
“令人尴尬的部分已经结束了，我保证。”他安慰我说。
Charlie sighed. “Sure he is,” he muttered.
查理叹了叹气，“他当然是。”他低声咕哝道。
“In a minute,” he said.
“等一下。”他说。
“What now?”
“现在又是怎么回事？”
I sighed. “I haven’t figured that one out yet, Dad.”
我叹了叹气：“我还没有想到什么好办法呢，爸爸。”
“Keep trying, Bella. I know you’ll do the right thing. You’re a good person.”
“继续努力，贝拉，我知道你会做正确的事情的，你是个好人。”
“That’s nice. And what about Jake?”
“那很好，那么杰克呢？”
Nice. So if I didn’t figure out some way to make things right with Jacob, then I was a bad person? That was below the belt.
好。那么要是我想不出办法让雅各布感到开心，我就是个坏人啰？那可真是不妥当。
“Oh. Good, I guess. I made plans with Angela today. I’m going to help her with her graduation announcements. Just us girls.”
“哦，很好，我想。我和安吉拉今天约好了，我打算帮她写毕业通知书，只是我们女孩子一起。”
Charlie grinned and turned the sound back on. He slumped lower into the cushions, pleased with his night’s work. I could tell he would be up with the game for a while.
查利咧嘴一笑，把声音转回去。他低着头坐在垫子上，对晚上的工作感到满意。我看得出他一会儿就要比赛了。
“Sure, sure,” I agreed. The automatic response almost made me smile — it was something I’d picked up from Jacob. I even said it in the same patronizing tone he used with his own father.
“当然，当然。”我应和道，机械般的反应几乎使我笑起来——这是我从雅各布那里学来的，我甚至说话时那副俨然恩人般的语气都和雅各布与他父亲说话时的一模一样。
“‘Night, Bells.”
“晚安，贝儿。”
“See you in the morning!” I sprinted for the stairs.
“早上见！”我急匆匆地向楼梯跑去。
Edward was long gone and he wouldn’t be back until Charlie was asleep — he was probably out hunting or something to pass the time — so I was in no hurry to undress for bed. I wasn’t in the mood to be alone, but I certainly wasn’t going to go back downstairs to hang out with my Dad, just in case he thought of some topic of sex education that he hadn’t touched on before; I shuddered.
爱德华已经去了很久，他等查理睡着了才会回来——他可能出去狩猎了，或者去消磨时光——那么我不必急着脱衣服上床睡觉。我现在的心情不适合一个人待着，但是我肯定不能重新下楼和我爸爸一起玩，以防他又想到一些他还没有谈到的关于性教育的话题。想到这儿，让我不寒而栗。
So, thanks to Charlie, I was wound up and anxious. My homework was done and I didn’t feel mellow enough for reading or just listening to music. I considered calling Renee with the news of my visit, but then I realized that it was three hours later in Florida, and she would be asleep.
那么，多亏了查理，我精神紧张而焦躁不安。我的作业已经做完了，我的心情也没有缓和到可以阅读，或听音乐。我想给蕾妮打电话告诉她我要去看她的消息，但是接着我就意识到这里和佛罗里达相差三小时，她现在可能在睡觉。
I could call Angela, I supposed.
我也可以给安吉拉打电话，我想。
The phone wasn’t any help; Jacob had refused to answer my phone calls since Edward’s return. Besides, I needed to see him — see him smiling again the way he used to. I needed to replace that awful last memory of his face warped and twisted by pain if I was ever going to have any peace of mind.
打电话不会起什么作用，雅各布自从爱德华回来后就不再接听我的电话。此外，我需要见他——见到他和以前一样微笑。我需要替代他留在我记忆中扭曲的痛苦的脸，如果我还想得到内心的宁静的话。
I stared at the blank black window, biting my lip. I don’t know how long I stood there weighing the pros against the cons — doing the right thing by Jacob, seeing my closest friend again, being a good person, versus making Edward furious with me. Ten minutes maybe. Long enough to decide that the pros were valid while the cons were not. Edward was only concerned about my safety, and I knew that there was really no problem on that count.
我咬着嘴唇，目不转睛地盯着窗外空洞、黑黢黢的一片。我站在那里权衡着利弊，不知道时间过了有多久——一方面是为雅各布做正确的事情、再次见一见我最亲密的朋友、做一个本分的女子，与之相对的则是爱德华生我的气。大概有十分钟吧，这段时间久到足以让我确定前一方面是合情合理的，而后一方面则有些站不住脚。爱德华只不过是担心我的安全，我知道这方面不会有什么真正的问题。
But suddenly I knew that it wasn’t Angela that I wanted to talk to. That I needed to talk to.
但是我突然意识到，我并不是想和安吉拉讲话，而是需要和人说说话。
Charlie looked up from the game, instantly suspicious.
查理在看球，他望了我一眼，立即就起疑心了。
I had an hour probably. I could make a quick run down to La Push and be back before Edward realized I had gone. It was past my curfew, but would Charlie really care about that when Edward wasn’t involved? One way to find out.
我大概有一个小时的时间，我可以快速地赶到拉普西，然后在爱德华意识到我出去了之前赶回来。已经过了我宵禁的时间，但是，查理会真的介意爱德华没有参与其中的事情吗？有个办法可以弄清楚。
“You care if I go see Jake tonight?” I asked breathlessly. “I won’t stay long.”
“你介意我今晚去看雅各布吗？”我气喘吁吁地问道，“我不会待很久的。”
As soon as I said Jake’s name, Charlie’s expression relaxed into a smug smile. He didn’t seem surprised at all that his lecture had taken effect so quickly. “Sure, kid. No problem. Stay as long as you like.”
我一说杰克的名字，查理的表情就软化成自鸣得意的微笑了，他好像一点儿也不惊讶他的说教这么快就奏效了。“当然不，孩子，没问题。你想待多久，就待多久。”
“Thanks, Dad,” I said as I darted out the door.
“谢谢，爸爸。”我冲出门的时候说道。
I grabbed my jacket and shoved my arms through the sleeves as I ran down the stairs.
我拉下我的夹克，一边朝楼下跑，一边把胳膊伸进袖子里。
My eyes were just beginning to adjust as I shoved my keys in the ignition. I twisted them hard to the left, but instead of roaring deafeningly to life, the engine just clicked. I tried it again with the same results.
当我插进钥匙点火的时候，我的眼睛就开始校准了。我用力地朝左看，但是，发动机没有发出震耳欲聋的吼叫声，相反，它只是咔嗒响了一声。我又试了一次，结果还是一样。
Like any fugitive, I couldn’t help looking over my shoulder a few times while I jogged to my truck, but the night was so black that there really was no point. I had to feel my way along the side of the truck to the handle.
和其他逃犯一样，当我朝我的卡车小跑过去的时候，我禁不住往身后看了好几次，但是夜那么黑，这样做根本就没有意义，我得用手去摸卡车侧门的把手。
“Gah!” I gasped in shock when I saw that I was not alone in the cab.
“嗨！”当我看到我不是一个人在驾驶室的时候，我吓得大声喘息起来。
And then a small motion in my peripheral vision made me jump.
接着我眼角余光的小动作使我跳了起来。
“Alice called,” he murmured.
“爱丽丝给我打电话了。”他低声说。
Edward sat very still, a faint bright spot in the darkness, only his hands moving as he turned a mysterious black object around and around. He stared at the object as he spoke.
爱德华坐在那里一动不动，他在黑暗中像一个微弱的光斑一样，不过，他在转动一个神秘的黑色物品时双手在移动。他的双眼盯着那个物品时开口说话了。
Alice! Damn. I’d forgotten to account for her in my plans. He must have her watching me.
爱丽丝！该死的。我忘记把她考虑进我的计划了，他准是让她监视我了。
“She got nervous when your future rather abruptly disappeared five minutes ago.”
“五分钟前你的未来非常突然地消失不见了，她感到紧张不安。”
My eyes, already wide with surprise, popped wider.
我的眼睛已经因为吃惊瞪得很大了，现在瞪得更大了。
“Because she can’t see the wolves, you know,” he explained in the same low murmur. “Had you forgotten that? When you decide to mingle your fate with theirs, you disappear, too. You couldn’t know that part, I realize that. But can you understand why that might make me a little… anxious? Alice saw you disappear, and she couldn’t even tell if you’d come home or not. Your future got lost, just like theirs.
“因为她看不见狼，你知道，”他用同样小的声音低声解释着，“你忘记这一点了吗？当你决定把自己的命运与他们的混合在一起的时候，你也消失了。你不可能知道这一点，我意识到了，但是你难道不能理解为什么那会让我感到有些……不安吗？爱丽丝看见你消失了，她甚至看不见你是否会回家。你的未来也消失了，就和他们的一样。”
“We’re not sure why this is. Some natural defense they’re born with?” He spoke as if he were talking to himself now, still looking at the piece of my truck’s engine as he twirled it in his hands. “That doesn’t seem entirely likely, since I haven’t had any trouble reading their thoughts. The Blacks’ at least. Carlisle theorizes that it’s because their lives are so ruled by their transformations. It’s more an involuntary reaction than a decision. Utterly unpredictable, and it changes everything about them. In that instant when they shift from one form to the other, they don’t really even exist. The future can’t hold them…”
“我们也不确定为什么会这样，也许是某种他们天生的防御？”他说话的时候仿佛是对自己说的，他看着我卡车上的发动机零件，在手中捻着它，“那似乎并不可能，既然我毫不困难地就能读懂他们的想法，至少能读懂布莱克家的。卡莱尔的理论是因为他们的生活受到其转化的控制，这与其说是一种决定还不如说是一种不情愿的反应。完全不可预测，这改变了他们所有的一切。在他们从一种形式转变成另一种形式的一瞬间，他们并不是真的存在。未来无法容纳他们……”
I stamped my way up the stairs, and went straight to my window. I shoved the metal frame roughly — it crashed shut and the glass trembled.
我跺着脚爬上楼梯，径直走向我的窗户。我用力猛地一把拉上金属框——它哐当一声关上了，上面的玻璃都在颤抖。
With my lips mashed together, I retrieved my keys and stiffly climbed out of the truck.
我的嘴唇像麦芽糖一样粘在一起，我抽回钥匙，僵硬地从卡车里爬出来。
“Shut your window if you want me to stay away tonight. I’ll understand,” he whispered just before I slammed the door.
“如果今晚你希望我离你远一点儿的话，关上你的窗户，我会理解的。”在我嘭的一声关上车门之前，他轻声地说。
“Want me to look at it?”
“要我去看一看吗？”
“Want to use my car?”
“想要用我的车吗？”
I listened to his musing in stony silence.
我像石头一样默不作声地聆听着他沉思自语。
I wasn’t supposed to drive his police cruiser. Charlie must be really desperate to get me to La Push. Nearly as desperate as I was.
我不应该开他的巡逻车，查理肯定不顾一切地想让我去拉普西，差不多和我一样不顾一切。
“No. I’ll try it in the morning.”
“不用了，我明天早上再试一试。”
“I’ll put your car back together in time for school, in case you’d like to drive yourself,” he assured me after a minute.
“我会及时修好你的车，好让你能开着它去上学，假如你想自己开车的话。”他一会儿之后安抚我说道。
“What’s wrong?” Charlie demanded from the couch.
“发生了什么事？”查理坐在沙发上追问道。
I stared at the shivering black glass for a long moment, until it was still. Then I sighed, and opened the window as wide as it would go.
我凝视着颤抖的黑玻璃，看了很久，直到它静止不动了。接着我叹了口气，然后推开窗户，把窗尽量地敞开。
“No. I’m tired,” I grumbled. “Night.”
“不用了，我累了，”我嘟囔着说，“晚安。”
“Truck won’t start,” I growled.
“车发动不了。”我大声吼道。
I stomped into the house, slamming that door, too.
我跺着脚走进屋子里，也嘭的一声关上了门。
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