It was spring break in Forks again. When I woke up on Monday morning, I lay in bed for a few seconds absorbing that. Last spring break, I’d been hunted by a vampire, too. I hoped this wasn’t some kind of tradition forming.
福克斯的春季休假又到来了。星期一早上，一觉醒来，我躺在床上思绪万千。去年春假时，我也被一个吸血鬼追逐着，真不希望这种追逐成为每年一次的惯例。
When we walked along the beach now, he always held my hand.
当我们有机会一起散步的时候，他总是会牵着我的手。
When Jacob dropped in to check on me, he apologized for ditching me so much. He told me his schedule wasn’t always this crazy, but until Victoria was stopped, the wolves were on red alert.
雅各布偶尔会到海滩上来看看我是否安全，他为冷落了我而感到抱歉。他告诉我，他从没像现在这样忙碌过，再除掉维多利亚之前，所有的狼人都处于红色警备状态。
Already I was falling into the pattern of things in La Push. I’d spent Sunday mostly on the beach, while Charlie hung out with Billy at the Blacks’ house. I was supposed to be with Jacob, but Jacob had other things to do, so I wandered alone, keeping the secret from Charlie.
我已经习惯了拉普西的生活，周日的大部分时间我都在海滩度过，查理和比利则待在布莱克家的房子里。我应该同雅各布在一起，但是雅各布有其他事情要做。我只能一个人在海滩上散步，对查理保守秘密。
This made me brood over what Jared had said, about Jacob involving his “girlfriend.” I supposed that that was exactly what it looked like from the outside. As long as Jake and I knew how it really was, I shouldn’t let those kinds of assumptions bother me. And maybe they wouldn’t, if I hadn’t known that Jacob would have loved for things to be what they appeared. But his hand felt nice as it warmed mine, and I didn’t protest.
这让我想起了杰瑞德的话，他曾说过雅各布不应该把“女朋友”牵扯进来。我想，在外人看来，我们的确是男女朋友关系。只要杰克和我清楚我们之间的关系，我大可不必在意外人的看法。如果不是雅各布总喜欢叫别人误解，我也许根本不会把这件事放在心上，但是，他的手是那么的暖和，握着他的手让我感到温暖。
I worked Tuesday afternoon — Jacob followed me on his bike to make sure I arrived safely — and Mike noticed.
星期二下午我要工作——雅各布骑着摩托车跟在我的车后，确保我安全到达——迈克看见我和他在一起。
Mike’s eyes narrowed shrewdly. “Don’t kid yourself, Bella. The guy’s head over heels for you.”
迈克狡黠地眯缝着眼睛：“别骗自己了，贝拉，那家伙都被你弄得神魂颠倒了。”
I shrugged. “Not in the technical sense of the word. I do spent most of my time with Jacob, though. He’s my best friend.”
我耸耸肩：“严格地说，没有，虽然我大部分时间和雅各布在一起，他是我最好的朋友。”
“And girls are cruel,” Mike said under his breath.
“女孩儿们太残忍了。”迈克低声说道。
I supposed that was an easy assumption to make, too.
我们俩都做了简单的论断。
“Are you dating that kid from La Push? The sophomore?” He asked, poorly disguising the resentment in his tone.
“你在和拉普西的那个男孩儿约会吗？二年级的那个？”他问道，语气中带着明显的反感。
“I know,” I sighed. “Life is complicated.”
“我知道，”我叹了口气，“生活太复杂了。”
That night, Sam and Emily joined Charlie and me for dessert at Billy’s house. Emily brought a cake that would have won over a harder man than Charlie. I could see, as the conversation flowed naturally through a range of casual subjects, that any worries Charlie might have harbored about gangs in La Push were being dissolved.
这天晚上，山姆和艾米丽也来到比利家，他们同我和查理一起吃甜点。艾米丽带来了蛋糕，即使是比查理更难对付的人也会被她的蛋糕征服。我们一桌人轻松、自然地闲聊着，我看得出，查理对拉普西小团体的忧虑完全烟消云散了。
Jake and I skipped out early, to get some privacy. We went out to his garage and sat in the Rabbit. Jacob leaned his head back, his face drawn with exhaustion.
杰克和我走到屋外，想单独待一会儿。我们来到他的车库，坐进“兔子”车里。雅各布仰头倚靠在座椅背上，一脸疲惫不堪的样子。
“Is that one of those wolf things?” I asked him. “The heat, I mean.”
“这也是狼的特性吗？”我问他，“我是说体温。”
“I’ll get around to it.”
“有时间我会睡的。”
He reached over and took my hand. His skin was blazing on mine.
他握住我的手，他的皮肤像是在燃烧一样发烫。
“You need some sleep, Jake.”
“你应该睡一觉，杰克。”
“Yeah, wanna see? It’s pretty cool.” His eyes flipped open and he grinned. He reached around me to the glove compartment and dug around for a minute. His hand came out with a pocketknife.
“对，想见识一下吗？简直酷毙了。”他兴奋地睁大眼睛，咧嘴大笑。他打开仪表板下的储物柜，在里面摸索了半天，掏出了一把折叠刀。
“Yeah. We run a little warmer than the normal people. About one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine. I never get cold anymore. I could stand like this” — he gestured to his bare torso –“in a snowstorm and it wouldn’t bother me. The flakes would turn to rain where I stood.”
“对。我们比一般人的体温要高一些，大概四十二摄氏度或者四十三摄氏度，我再也不会感冒了，我可以”——他指了指只穿着一件外套的上半身——“像这个样子站在暴风雪中，而且一点事也没有，雪花落在我周围都会化作雨点。”
“And you all heal fast — that’s a wolf thing, too?”
“你们有很强的复原能力——这也是狼的特性，对吗？”
“No, I do not want to see!” I shouted as soon as I realized what he was thinking. “Put that away!”
“不，我不想看，”我意识到他要做什么，叫了起来，“把它拿开！”
“No, I guess not.” I thought about that for a minute. “… And being so big — that’s part of it? Is that why you’re all worried about Quil?”
“没错。”我想了想，“还有，体形魁梧——这也是特性之一吗？所以你们才会担心奎尔？”
Jacob chuckled, but shoved the knife back where it belonged. “Fine. It’s a good thing we heal, though. You can’t go see just any doctor when you’re running a temperature that should mean you’re dead.”
雅各布咯咯地笑着，把折叠刀有扔回了原处：“好吧，不过，能够自我复原确实是件好事。我们的体温这么高，是正常人的话早就死了。如果去看医生，医生肯定会被吓坏的。”
“No, I’m not miserable,” he told me. “Not anymore. Not now that you know. That was hard, before.” He leaned over so that his cheek was resting on top of my head.
“不，不痛苦，”他说道，“再也不会痛苦。你现在已经知道真相了，而在此之前，日子确实不好过。”他朝我靠过来，脸贴在我的头上。
Jacob’s face turned hopeless. “It won’t be long now. There’s no exact age… it just builds and builds and then suddenly –” He broke off, and it was a moment before he could speak again. “Sometimes, if you get really upset or something, that can trigger it early. But I wasn’t upset about anything — I was happy.” He laughed bitterly. “Because of you, mostly. That’s why it didn’t happen to me sooner. Instead it just kept on building up inside me — I was like a time bomb. You know what set me off? I got back from that movie and Billy said I looked weird. That was all, but I just snapped. And then I — I exploded. I almost ripped his face off — my own father!” He shuddered, and his face paled.
雅各布露出绝望的神色，“要不了多久了。然后，突然间”他停了下来，半晌才开口说话，“如果时常感到特别伤心或者心情不大好，变身会提前发生，但是我从没觉得伤心——我向来很快乐，”他苦笑了一下，“主要是因为你而快乐，所以我的变身来得更晚一些，但是，我体内的那股能量一直在积蓄——我就像是一枚定时炸弹。你知道我是怎样被引爆的吗？看电影的那天，我回到家里，比利说我看上去怪怪的，就这样，我发作了。接着，我——我开始变身，我几乎要把他的脸给撕烂了——我亲爱的父亲！”他身子一抖，脸色惨白。
“Is it really bad, Jake?” I asked anxiously, wishing I had some way to help him. “Are you miserable?”
“真的这么糟糕吗，杰克？”我不安地问道，希望自己能有法子帮他，“是不是感到特别痛苦？”
“That and the fact that Quil’s grandfather says the kid could fry an egg on his forehead.”
“不仅是因为奎尔身材高大，他的祖父说这孩子的额头烫得可以煎鸡蛋。”
“The hardest part is feeling… out of control,” he said slowly. “Feeling like I can’t be sure of myself — like maybe you shouldn’t be around me, like maybe nobody should. Like I’m a monster who might hurt somebody. You’ve seen Emily. Sam lost control of his temper for just one second… and she was standing too close. And now there’s nothing he can ever do to put it right again. I hear his thoughts — I know what that feels like…
“最难熬的时候就是觉得完全失控，”他慢慢地说，“觉得连自己都无法相信自己——觉得你不应该待在我身边，任何人都不应该待在我身边，我是一个会伤人的怪兽。你看到艾米丽的样子了，山姆一下子失去控制而她当时离他太近了。如今，他无论如何也无法挽回一切。我听到他的心思——我了解这是一种什么感觉……
“Who wants to be a nightmare, a monster?
“谁愿意变成魔鬼、变成怪兽呢？
He was quiet for a moment, and I wondered what he was thinking about. Maybe I didn’t want to know.
他沉默了半天，我不知道他在想什么，也许我不想知道。
“What’s the hardest part?” I whispered, still wishing I could help.
“什么时候最难熬？”我轻声问道，仍希望能帮上忙。
“At first,” he said. “It takes some practice to phase back and forth. But it’s easier tor me.”
“刚开始时，”他说道，“需要多多练习，但是这个过程对我来说比较容易。”
“And then, the way it comes so easily to me, the way I’m better at it than the rest of them — does that make me even less human than Enbry or Sam? Sometimes I’m afraid that I’m losing myself.”
“变身对我来说是件轻而易举的事情，我在这方面比他们任何一个都娴熟——这是不是意味着我比起恩布里或者山姆更没人性？有的时候，我很害怕我会迷失自己。”
“Is it hard? To find yourself again?”
“变回自己？很难吗？”
“Why?” I wondered.
“为什么？”我问道。
“Because Ephraim Black was my father’s grandfather, and Quil Ateara was my mother’s grandfather.”
“因为伊弗列姆·布莱克是我的父亲的祖父，奎尔？阿蒂拉是我母亲的祖父。”
“What’s the very best part?” I asked, hoping to cheer him up.
“最大的好处是什么？”我问，希望使他高兴起来。
“But why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?”
“你的曾祖父是谁跟变身有什么关系呢？”我问道，想让他振作起来。
It did mean something to me. I couldn’t imagine that — the wolves running faster than a vampire. When the Cullens ran, they all but turned invisible with speed.
我确实明白了。我没想到——狼竟然比吸血鬼跑得还要快。卡伦一家人跑起来就像阵风似的，速度快得惊人。
“The best part,” he said, suddenly smiling again, “is the speed.”
“最大的好处，”他突然笑了起来，“就是速度。”
“Run?” he finished my question. “Fast enough. What can I measure it by? We caught… what was his name? Laurent? I imagine that means more to you than it would to someone else.”
“跑？”他接过我的问题，“足够快。怎么说呢？我们追到了他叫什么来着？劳伦特吗？我想你就能明白我们究竟有多快了。”
“Better than the motorcycles?”
“比摩托车还要快吗？”
“His great-grandfather,” Jacob clarified. “The Quil you know is my second cousin.”
“他的曾祖父，”雅各布解释道，“你认识的那个奎尔是我的第二代表弟。”
He nodded, enthusiastic. “There’s no comparison.”
他激动地点点头：“简直没法比。”
“How fast can you…”
“你们能跑多快……”
“Quil?” I asked in confusion.
“奎尔？”我疑惑地问道。
“So, tell me something I don’t know,” he said. “Something about vampires. How did you stand it, being around them? Didn’t it creep you out?”
“好了，告诉我一些我不知道的事情吧，”他说，“关于吸血鬼的事情。你怎么敢和他们在一起？难道不觉得心惊胆战吗？”
His expression was bleak.
他的表情很凄凉。
“Because Ephraim and Quil were in the last pack. Levi Uley was the third. It’s in my blood on both sides. I never had a chance. Like Quil doesn’t have a chance.”
“因为伊弗列姆和奎尔在最后一组。利瓦伊·乌利是第三。两边都是我的血缘。我从来没有机会。就像奎尔没有机会。”
“No,” I said curtly.
“不。”我简单地回答道。
“Edward saved me twice,” I whispered. “He sucked the venom out — you know, like with a rattlesnake.” I twitched as the pain lashed around the edges of the hole.
“爱德华救了我两次，”我轻声说，“他帮我把毒液吸出来——像处理毒蛇咬的伤口那样。”我的胸口一阵剧痛，整个身子抽搐起来。
“What’s that?” He traded hands, examining my right. “This is your funny scar, the cold one.” He looked at it closer, with new eyes, and gasped.
“这是什么？”他握住我的右手，仔细地看着，“是你的伤疤，冰冰凉的伤疤。”他又凑近了一些，睁大眼睛盯着那道疤，喘着粗气。
His eyes bulged, and his face turned a strange, sallow color under the russet surface. He looked like he was about to be sick.
他的眼睛瞪得圆圆的，深褐色的脸变成了奇怪的蜡黄色，他看上去像是要吐。
“But if he bit you… Shouldn’t you be…” He choked.
“如果他咬了你你不就是”他哽咽得说不出话来。
“James was trying to kill me — it was like a game for him. He lost.
“詹姆斯想杀了我——这对他来说就像是玩游戏，但他失败了。
Do you remember last spring when I was in the hospital down in Phoenix?”
你记得去年春天我住进了凤凰城的医院吗？”
“Yes, it’s what you think it is,” I said. “James bit me.”
“是的，你想得没错，”我说，“詹姆斯咬了我。”
Jacob sucked in a breath. “He got that close?”
雅各布深吸了口气：“那他岂不是快要得手了？”
But I wasn’t the only one twitching. I could feel Jacob’s whole body trembling next to mine. Even the car shook.
但不止我一个人颤抖。我能感到身旁的雅各布也在不停抖动，连车身也跟着颤动起来。
“Say, why’d your bloodsucker kill that James, anyway?” he asked suddenly.
“那么，你的吸血鬼到底为什么除掉那个詹姆斯？”他突然问道。
My tone made him thoughtful for a moment.
我的语气让他迟疑了片刻。
“He got very, very close.” I stroked my scar. Jacob noticed, because he held the hand I moved.
“他差一点点就得手了。”我摸了摸伤疤。雅各布注意到我的动作，因为他正握着我移开的那只手。
“You okay?”
“还好吗？”
“Yeah, almost. Tell me something else. Give me something else to think about.”
“是的，好多了。说点别的什么吧，让我想想其他事情。”
“Yeah,” he panted. “Calm.” He shook his head back and forth quickly. After a moment, only his hands were shaking.
“是的，”他大口喘着气，“冷静。”他的脑袋迅速的前后晃动着。过了一会儿，只有他的手还在抖动。
“What do you want to know?”
“你想知道什么？”
I hesitated a second. This felt like a question he would ask of his spy, not his friend. But what was the point of hiding what I knew? It didn’t matter now, and it would help him control himself.
我犹豫了一下。这个问题似乎是对间谍而不是对朋友提出的，但是，我隐瞒我所知道的事情又有什么意义呢？一切都不重要了，况且说出事实还能帮他平静下来。
“Careful, Jake. Easy. Ca in down.”
“小心，杰克，放松，冷静下来。”
So I spoke quickly, the image of Emily’s ruined face in my mind, and the hair rising on my arms. I couldn’t imagine how the russet wolf would fit inside the Rabbit — Jacob would tear the whole garage apart if he changed now.
于是我很快回答了他。脑子里一想到艾米丽那张毁容的脸，我就觉得毛骨悚然。我无法想象“兔子”车如何容纳一匹深褐色的狼——如果雅各布此刻变身，整个车库都会被他摧毁。
“Jasper could… sort of control the emotions of the people around him. Not in a bad way, just to calm someone down, that kind of thing. It would probably help Paul a lot,” I added, teasing weakly. “And then Alice could see things that were going to happen. The future, you know, but not absolutely. The things she saw would change when someone changed the path they were on…”
“贾斯帕可以……控制周围人的情绪。当然不是用这个本领来干坏事，而是帮助人们镇定下来，诸如此类。也许这招对保罗很有用。”我开玩笑地补充了一句，“爱丽丝能够预见将来发生的事情，就是预见未来，但也不是那么准确。如果当事人中途改变了原有的想法，她所遇见的事情就不会发生”
“I don’t know.” He had his eyes closed, concentrating. “The extra stuff I guess. Did any of the other Cullens have… extra talents? Like the mind reading?”
“我也不知道。”他闭上眼睛，使自己集中精神，“说说特异功能吧。卡伦家的其他人有特异功能吗？比方说心灵感应？”
“Why do you do that?” he asked. He tugged lightly at one of my arms, which was bound around my chest, and then gave up when it wouldn’t come loose easily. I hadn’t even realized I’d moved them. “You do that when you’re upset. Why?”
“你为什么总是这个样子？”他问道，轻轻地拉着我压在胸前的手臂，但是我紧紧按着胸口，迟迟不肯松开，他只好作罢。连我自己也没意识到我是什么时候抬起手臂的，“你伤心的时候就会这个样子，为什么？”
Jacob was entirely in control now, very still beside me.
雅各布完全恢复了镇定，静静地坐在我身边。
“It hurts to think about them,” I whispered. “It’s like I can’t breathe… like I’m breaking into pieces…”It was bizarre how much I could tell Jacob now. We had no more secrets.
“一想到他们，我的胸口就疼痛难忍，”我轻声说，“好像不能呼吸好想要粉身碎骨”此时此刻，我竟然对雅各布敞开心扉，我们之间再也没有秘密了。
He smoothed my hair. “It’s okay, Bella, it’s okay. I won’t bring it up again. I’m sorry.”
他抚摸着我的头发。“没事，贝拉，没事。我不会再提起他们，对不起。”
Like how she’d seen me dying… and she’d seen me becoming one of them. Two things that had not happened. And one that never would. My head started to spin — I couldn’t seem to pull in enough oxygen from the air. No lungs.
比如，她曾预见我会死去我会成为他们中的一分子。这两件事都没有发生，而且其中一件永远都不会发生。我有点儿头晕目眩——似乎没办法吸入足够的氧气，我的肺似乎消失不见了。
“I’m fine.” I gasped. “Happens all the time. Not your fault.”
“我没事，”我喘着粗气，“总是这个样子，不是你的错。”
“We’re a pretty messed-up pair, aren’t we?” Jacob said. “Neither one of us can hold our shape together right.”
“我们俩真是糟糕的一对，不是吗？”雅各布说道，“我们都不能控制自己的身体。”
“Pathetic,” I agreed, still breathless.
“可怜。”我赞同道，仍然上气不接下气。
“At least we have each other,” he said, clearly comforted by the thought.
“至少我们拥有彼此。”他欣慰地说道。
And when we were together, it was fine. But Jacob had a horrible, dangerous job he felt compelled to do, and so I was often alone, stuck in La Push for safety, with nothing to do to keep my mind off any of my worries.
我们待在一起的时候，一切都风平浪静，但雅各布肩负着一个必须去完成的危险使命，这样，我不得不经常一个人独处，为了安全，我只能留在拉普西，整天无所事事，那些愁情烦绪终日缠绕着我。
I was comforted, too. “At least there’s that,” I agreed.
我也感到莫大的安慰：“至少是这样。”
I tried hanging out at Emily’s place Wednesday afternoon, for a change. At first it was kind of nice. Emily was a cheerful person who never sat still. I drifted behind her while she flitted around her little house and yard, scrubbing at the spotless floor, pulling a tiny weed, fixing a broken hinge, tugging a string of wool through an ancient loom, and always cooking, too. She complained lightly about the increase in the boys’ appetites from all their extra running, but it was easy to see she didn’t mind taking care of them. It wasn’t hard to be with her — after all, we were both wolf girls now.
每个周三下午我会去艾米丽那里换换心情。刚开始我还觉得很愉快，艾米丽性格开朗，似乎总有做不完的家务活，拔除刚刚冒出来的野草，修理坏掉的门铰链，在一台老式织机上费力的纺线，其余的时间她都用来做饭。她抱怨男孩儿们因为整天奔跑而大大增加的食欲，但看得出来，她非常乐意照顾他们。和她在一起我感到舒心——毕竟，我们俩现在都是巨狼儿女孩了。
I felt awkward, always taking up space at Billy’s. I did some studying for another Calculus test that was coming up next week, but I could only look at math for so long. When I didn’t have something obvious to do in my hands, I felt like I ought to be making conversation with Billy — the pressure of normal societal rules. But Billy wasn’t one for filling up the long silences, and so the awkwardness continued.
在比利家，我感到无所适从。我复习功课，准备下周的微积分考试，但我不可能长时间和比利聊聊天——这似乎是社会潜规则造成的强制行为。可是，比利并不是个善谈的人，我们的谈话常常陷入僵局，于是，我的无所适从感与日俱增。
So that left me wandering the beach, pacing the length of the rocky crescent back and forth, again and again.
就这样，我只能一个人在海滩漫步，在岩石地上徘徊。
Alone time wasn’t good for me. Thanks to the new honesty with Jacob, I’d been talking and thinking about the Cullens way too much. No matter how I tried to distract myself — and I had plenty to think of: I was honestly and desperately worried about Jacob and his wolf-brothers, I was terrified for Charlie and the others who thought they were hunting animals, I was getting in deeper and deeper with Jacob without ever having consciously decided to progress in that direction and I didn’t know what to do about it — none of these very real, very deserving of thought, very pressing concerns could take my mind off the pain in my chest for long. Eventually, I couldn’t even walk anymore, because I couldn’t breathe. I sat down on a patch of semidry rocks and curled up in a ball.
独处对于我来说毫无益处。自从向雅各布坦白了心声，我再也无法停止对卡伦一家的谈论和回忆。不管我怎么努力去分散自己的注意力——其实还有很多事情值得操心：我为雅各布和他的狼人兄弟们而牵肠挂肚；我为查理和其他在森林狩猎的人们而担惊受怕；虽然我没有同雅各布发展下去的打算，但我却越来越离不开他，我不知道应该如何处理我们之间的关系——所有这些真实迫切的想法和急需解决的问题都无法令我忘却胸口的伤痛。最后，我连走路的力气都没了，只感到呼吸困难。我在一片潮湿的岩石地上坐下来，将身子蜷缩成一团。
But Sam checked in after I’d been there for a few hours. I only stayed long enough to ascertain that Jacob was fine and there was no news, and then I had to escape. The aura of love and contentment that surrounded them was harder to take in concentrated doses, with no one else around to dilute it.
可是，我在她家刚刚待上几个小时山姆就回来了。我总是简单地向他打听雅各布是否安全，然后就匆匆离去。他们两人之间的浓情蜜意让我觉得自己是个多余的人。
“Sorry,” he said right away. He pulled me up from the ground and wrapped both arms around my shoulders. I hadn’t realized that I was cold until then. His warmth made me shudder, but at least I could breathe with him there.
“对不起。”他一见我就说道。他把我从地上拉起来，用双臂紧紧地搂住我的肩膀。直到此时，我才意识到自己已经冻得像冰块。他温暖的身体让我打了个寒噤，有他在我身边，我又能自如地呼吸。
“No, you’re not. I didn’t have any plans. I don’t think I like spring breaks, anyway.”
“不，你没有。我本来就没有什么安排，反正我本来就不太喜欢春假。”
Jacob found me like that, and I could tell from his expression that he understood.
雅各布在这个时侯来到我身边，我从他的眼神中可以看出，他完全理解我的心情。
The word seemed out of place in my life right now, barely comprehensible, bizarre. “Fun?”
“有趣？”这个词似乎与我现在的生活毫不相干，听上去都让人觉得奇怪。
“Fun is exactly what you need. Hmm…” he gazed out across the heaving gray waves, deliberating. As his eyes scanned the horizon, he had a flash of inspiration.
“你现在最需要的就是有趣的事。嗯”他望着远处灰蒙蒙的海浪，仔细地考虑着。他扫了一眼海平线，突然有了主意。
“I’m ruining your spring break,” Jacob accused himself as we walked back up the beach.
我们一起沿着海滩散步。“是我破坏了你的春假。”雅各布自责道。
“Got it!” he crowed. “Another promise to keep.”
“有了！”他欢叫道，“履行另外一个诺言。”
“I’ll take tomorrow morning off. The others can run without me. We’ll do something fun.”
“明天上午我休息，他们没有我也能应付，我们可以做点有趣的事。”
He let go of my hand and pointed toward the southern edge of the beach, where the flat, rocky half-moon dead-ended against the sheer sea cliffs. I stared, uncomprehending.
他松开我的手，指向海滩的最南角，一堵陡峭的海崖截住了弯月形的海岸线。我盯着那座悬崖峭壁，还是不理解他的意思。
“What are you talking about?”
“你说什么？”
“Yeah, it’ll be pretty cold — not as cold as it is today. Can you feel the weather changing? The pressure? It will be warmer tomorrow. You up for it?”
“确实，会很冷——但是不会像今天这么冷。你没感觉到天气的变化吗？气流的变化？明天会更暖和。你想不想去？”
“Didn’t I promise to take you cliff diving?” I shivered.
“我不是承诺过要带你去按压跳水吗？”我身子一抖。
The dark water did not look inviting, and, from this angle, the cliffs looked even higher than before.
昏暗的海水看上去一点也不适合跳水，而且，从我们站立的角度望去，那些绝壁似乎比平常更高一些。
But it had been days since I’d heard Edward’s voice. That was probably part of the problem. I was addicted to the sound of my delusions. It made things worse if I went too long without them. Jumping off a cliff was certain to remedy that situation.
但是，我有好些日子没听到爱德华的声音了。这也许正是所有愁情烦绪的源头。我太痴迷于这个幻想中的声音，如果太久没有听到，心情就会越来越糟，从悬崖上跳下来肯定能解决这个问题。
“Sure, I’m up for it. Fun.”
“好，我去，做点有趣的事。”
“It’s a date,” he said, and draped his arm around my shoulders.
“这算是个约会。”他说道，手臂绕上我的肩膀。
The idea of a distraction from all my worries had me almost excited. Maybe it would be fun. A date with Jacob, a date with Edward… I laughed darkly to myself. Jake could say what he wanted about us being a messed-up pair — I was the one who was truly messed up. I made the werewolf seem downright normal.
我想到将要暂时摆脱所有的烦恼就觉得兴奋，也许这将会是件快乐的事，与雅各布约会，与爱德华约会我暗自高兴。杰克有理由说我们是糟糕的一对——而我才是那个真正糟糕透顶的人，我竟然把狼人视为完完全全的正常人。
I woke early the next morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck. I had a feeling that Charlie would approve of today’s plan just about as much as he would approve of the motorcycle.
第二天我很早就起床，悄悄地将潜水的行头装进小卡车里。我猜想查理应该会同意我们今天的计划，就像他曾经支持我学骑摩托车一样。
“Okay — now let’s go get you some sleep.” I didn’t like the way the circles under his eyes were beginning to look permanently etched onto his skin.
“好——但现在你必须去睡一觉。”他的黑眼圈似乎是要永远留在他的脸上，而这不是我所希望看到的。
“C’mon in, Bella,” Billy said.
“进来吧，贝拉。”比利说道。
I expected Jacob to meet me out front, the way he usually did when my noisy truck announced my arrival. When he didn’t, I guessed that he might still be sleeping. I would wait — let him get as much rest as he could. He needed his sleep, and that would give the day time to warm a bit more. Jake had been right about the weather, though; it had changed in the night. A thick layer of clouds pressed heavily on the atmosphere now, making it almost sultry; it was warm and close under the gray blanket. I left my sweater in the truck.
我以为雅各布会在他家门口等我，每次一听到小卡车的声音，他都会出来接我，但这次他没有，我想他应该还在睡觉。我可以等——让他拥有充足的睡眠。他需要休息，而且晚一点出发天气会更暖和。杰克对天气的判断很准确，气温的确升高了许多。厚厚的云层压在头顶，像是一床灰色的毛毯，让人感到格外闷热。我脱掉毛衫放在车里。
He was at the kitchen table, eating cold cereal.
他坐在餐桌边吃着凉的燕麦粥。
I knocked quietly on the door.
我轻轻地敲了敲门。
“Er, no.” He set his spoon down, and his eyebrows pulled together.
“恩，没有。”他放下勺子，眉头紧锁。
“Jake sleeping?”
“杰克还在睡觉吗？”
“What happened?” I demanded. I could tell from his expression that something had.
“发生了什么事？”我急切地问道。从他的表情可以看出，一定有什么是发生了！
“Embry, Jared, and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning. Sam and Jake took off to help. Sam was hopeful — she’s hedged herself in beside the mountains. He thinks they have a good chance to finish this.”
“今天一大早，恩布里、杰瑞德和保罗发现了一些新的足迹。山姆和杰克过去帮忙了。山姆希望——她躲在山边，他们就有很好的机会结束这一切。”
“It’s not as dangerous for them as you think it is. Sam knows what he’s doing. You’re the one that you should worry about. The vampire doesn’t want to fight them. She’s just trying to find a way around them… to you.”
“但也不是你想象的那么危险。山姆知道自己在干什么，你应该担心的人是你自己。吸血鬼的目标不是他们，她只是在想法子绕过他们找到你。”
He chuckled, deep and low. “Do you really like La Push so well that you want to extend your sentence here?”
他笑了起来，声音低沉。“难道你舍不得拉普西，想要延长在此监禁的时间？”
“Don’t make jokes, Billy. This is too scary for that.”
“别开玩笑了，比利，这么恐怖的事情实在开不得玩笑。”
“You’re right,” he agreed, still complacent. His ancient eyes were impossible to read. “This one’s tricky.”
“你说得对。”虽然他嘴上表示赞成，但脸上仍然一副毫不担心的样子。我简直无法从他那双深邃的眼睛里读懂他的意思，“这一次的确应该小心谨慎。”
I bit my lip.
我咬了咬嘴唇。
“Oh, no, Billy,” I whispered. “Oh, no.”
“噢，不，比利，”我轻声说道，“噢，不。”
“How does Sam know what he’s doing?” I demanded, brushing aside his concern for me. “They’ve only killed just the one vampire — that could have been luck.”
“山姆怎么会知道自己在干什么？”我质问道，完全漠视他对我的关心，“他们只杀过一个吸血鬼——而且很有可能是凭运气。”
“We take what we do very seriously, Bella. Nothing’s been forgotten. Everything they need to know has been passed down from father to son for generations.”
“我们非常严肃地对待自己所做的事情，贝拉。他们学到的东西都是祖祖辈辈传下来的，没有一点疏漏。”
That didn’t comfort me the way he probably intended it to. The memory of Victoria, wild, catlike, lethal, was too strong in my head. If she couldn’t get around the wolves, she would eventually try to go through them.
他想要安慰我，但是我还是放不下心。维多利亚凶残、野蛮的形象一直深深印刻在我脑海里。如果她没法绕过狼群，她肯定会跟他们一决高下。
“I’ll be at the beach,” I told Billy abruptly, and hurried out the door.
“我去海滩。”我突然对比利说道，然后匆匆奔向门外。
Billy went back to his breakfast; I sat down on the sofa and flipped aimlessly though the TV channels. That didn’t last long. I started to feel closed in by the small room, claustrophobic, upset by the fact that I couldn’t see out the curtained windows.
比利又开始吃早餐，我坐在沙发上，心不在焉地调换电视频道。没过多久，我就感到自己被困在这个狭小的房间里，窗帘遮住了窗外的风景，让我觉得恐惧不安。
I knew it was all just a product of the weather, but it still made me edgy. The heavy, warm pressure of the atmosphere was perceptible even to my weak human senses, and it hinted at something major in the storm department. A glance at the sky backed this up; the clouds were churning sluggishly despite the lack of breeze on the ground. The closest clouds were a smoky gray, but between the cracks I could see another layer that was a gruesome purple color. The skies had a ferocious plan in store for today. The animals must be bunkering down.
我知道这时天气的原因，但还是抑制不住内心的烦躁不安。气压是如此强大，连我这个不太敏感的人都能感觉到，似乎预示着一场暴风雨即将到来。我抬头望了望天空，尽管没有风来吹动，云层仍在空中缓缓地翻滚着。最低的云层像烟雾一样灰蒙蒙的，透过低云层的缝隙，我能看到另一层可怕的紫色云朵。天空中正孕育着一个危险的计划，动物们一定都躲藏起来了。
Being outside didn’t help as much as I’d hoped. The clouds pushed down with an invisible weight that kept the claustrophobia from easing. The forest seemed strangely vacant as I walked toward the beach. I didn’t see any animals — no birds, no squirrels. I couldn’t hear any birds, either. The silence was eerie; there wasn’t even the sound of wind in the trees.
但是，来到户外情况并没有好转。厚厚的云层有一种无形的力量往下压，似乎要将我包围。我朝着海滩走去，森林里出奇的空荡，没有任何动物——没有小鸟，也没有松鼠，我也听不见鸟鸣声。这种寂静叫人发憷，就连风吹过树丛都没有任何声响。
No. Nothing would happen to Jacob. I had to believe that or I wouldn’t be able to function.
不，雅各布不会有事的，我一定要相信这一点，不然，我再没法支撑下去了。
“Argh!” I groaned, and jumped off the log. I couldn’t sit still; it was worse than pacing.
“啊！！”我痛苦地叫出声，跳了起来，我不能坐着一动不动，这比漫步更让人难以忍受。
I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in. Because nothing could happen to Jacob. The thought was unendurable. I’d lost too much already — would fate take the last few shreds of peace left behind? That seemed unfair, out of balance. But maybe I’d violated some unknown rule, crossed some line that had condemned me. Maybe it was wrong to be so involved with myths and legends, to turn my back on the human world. Maybe…
我不愿去想雅各布和他的朋友们深处的险境，雅各布不可能有事的，可是，这样想不过是自欺欺人。我已经失去了太多——难道命运还要将仅存的一点安宁打破？这样也太不公平了，太不合理了。也许是因为我犯了天理受了诅咒，也许是因为我深陷传说、神话中不能自拔，也许……
As soon as I reached the beach, I wished I hadn’t come — I’d already had enough of this place. I’d been here almost every day, wandering alone. Was it so much different from my nightmares? But where else to go? I trudged down to the driftwood tree, and sat at the end so that I could lean against the tangled roots. I stared up at the angry sky broodingly, waiting for the first drops to break the stillness.
一到海滩，我就后悔不该来——我来了太多次，几乎每天都到这里漫无目的地散步。这里同噩梦中的海滩又有什么区别呢？但是，我还能去哪里呢？我又走到那棵浮木旁坐下，身子倚靠在纠缠的树根上。我仰望着云海翻腾的天空，等待着第一滴雨滴坠落，打破所有的寂静。
The waves picked up as I paced, beginning to crash against the rocks, but there was still no wind. I felt pinned down by the pressure of the storm. Everything swirled around me, but it was perfectly still where I stood. The air had a faint electric charge — I could feel the static in my hair.
我沿着海滩走着，海浪渐渐汹涌起来，冲击着岸上的岩石，但始终无风。我觉得自己被被暴风雨前的强气压钉在原地，所有事物在我周围旋绕，只有我站立的地方静止不动。空气中带着微弱的电荷——我能感受到头发上的静电。
Farther out, the waves were angrier than they were along the shore. I could see them battering against the line of the cliffs, spraying big white clouds of sea foam into the sky. There was still no movement in the air, though the clouds roiled more quickly now. It was eerie looking — like the clouds were moving by their own will. I shivered, though I knew it was just a trick of the pressure.
海上的波浪比岸边的更加汹涌。海水拍打着崖壁，激起巨大的白色浪花。空气中一丝风也没有，云层却翻滚得更加迅速。云层看上去怪怪的——它们完全按照自己的意志移动着。我为之一颤，虽然我知道出现这种景象不过是气压在作怪。
The cliffs were a black knife edge against the livid sky. Staring at them, I remembered the day Jacob had told me about Sam and his “gang.” I thought of the boys — the werewolves — throwing themselves into the empty air. The image of the falling, spiraling figures was still vivid in my mind. I imagined the utter freedom of the fall… I imagined the way Edward’s voice would have sounded in my head — furious, velvet, perfect… The burning in my chest flared agonizingly.
悬崖峭壁映衬在青灰色的天空下像是黑色的刀刃，我盯着它们，想起来雅各布对我说起山姆和“帮派”的那一天。我回想起那些男孩儿——狼人——在空中跃起的样子。还有他们急速下落的模样，至今仍历历在目……我想象着他们下落时的无拘无束我想象着脑海中爱德华的声音——愤怒的、温柔的、完美的胸口的伤痛似火燃烧。
I’d really been counting on hearing Edward this morning. It seemed like that was the one thing that might make it bearable to live through this day. The hole had been festering lately, like it was getting revenge for the times that Jacob’s presence had tamed it. The edges burned.
我原本期待着今天能听到爱德华的声音，这是让我熬过漫长的一天的唯一动力。胸口的疼痛变本加厉地折磨我，似乎是在报复雅各布前些日子带给我的片刻欢愉，伤口像被灼烧般火辣辣的疼。
There had to be some way to quench it. The pain was growing more and more intolerable by the second. I glared at the cliffs and the crashing waves.
一定有法子熄灭胸口的这团火，疼痛每分每秒在加剧，我呆呆地看着陡峭的山峰和澎湃的海水。
Well, why not? Why not quench it right now?
对了，为什么不在此刻就将它熄灭呢？为什么不呢？
Jacob had promised me cliff diving, hadn’t he? Just because he was unavailable, should I have to give up the distraction I needed so badly — needed even worse because Jacob was out risking his life? Risking it, in essence, for me. If it weren’t for me, Victoria would not be killing people here… just somewhere else, far away. If anything happened to Jacob, it would be my fault. That realization stabbed deep and had me jogging back up to the road toward Billy’s house, where my truck waited.
雅各布承诺过要带我悬崖跳水，不是吗？仅仅因为他不在，我就应该放弃这一次摆脱所有烦扰的机会吗？我是多么渴望得到这样的机会啊——正因为雅各布随时都有生命危险，我就更加迫切地需要机会来赶走心头对他的担忧。事实上，雅各布是在为我铤而走险。如果不是因为我，维多利亚不会在这里杀害无辜的人们她会到一个狼人遥不可及的地方。如果雅各布有什么闪失，全都是我的错。想到这里，我感到一阵钻心的痛，我朝着比利家走去，朝着我的小卡车走去。
I knew my way to the lane that passed closest to the cliffs, but I had to hunt for the little path that would take me out to the ledge. As I followed it, I looked for turns or forks, knowing that Jake had planned to take me off the lower outcropping rather than the top, but the path wound in a thin single line toward the brink with no options. I didn’t have time to find another way down — the storm was moving in quickly now. The wind was finally beginning to touch me, the clouds pressing closer to the ground. Just as I reached the place where the dirt path fanned out into the stone precipice, the first drops broke through and splattered on my face.
去悬崖的近道我非常熟悉，但我还得找寻通往跳水点的小道。我摸索着，研究每一个转弯和岔口，我知道，杰克计划带我从半山腰而不是山顶跳水，但是，蜿蜒曲折的小路一直把我引到了崖顶。我没时间再返转下山了——暴风雨马上就要来临。风终于刮了起来，云层似乎抬手可及。我沿着泥路到达山顶的时候，雨水开始滴落在我脸颊。
I grimaced when I thought of the probable temperature of the water. But I wasn’t going to let that stop me.
想到海水的温度，我撇了撇嘴，但我不会因此退缩。
The ocean sounded very far away, somehow farther than before, when I was on the path in the trees.
海浪声听上去非常遥远，比起我在山间小道上听到时要远得多。
It was not hard to convince myself that I didn’t have time to search for another way — I wanted to jump from the top. This was the image that had lingered in my head. I wanted the long fall that would feel like flying.
其实我根本就不用说服自己再折返回去——我就想从山顶跳下去！这是我蓄谋已久的计划，我想体验长时间待在空中的飞翔版的感觉。
I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain was already easing, as if my body knew that Edward’s voice was just seconds away…
这是我做过最愚蠢、最鲁莽的事情，意识到这一点，我不禁笑了起来。胸口的疼痛已经减轻了许多，似乎我的身体也意识到马上能听到爱德华的声音……
The wind blew stronger now, whipping the rain into eddies around me.
风越刮越猛，雨水在我身边形成了一个个小旋涡。
I smiled and exhaled.
我笑了，吐了口气。
I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it… waiting.
我走到悬崖边上，盯着前方的一片空白。我盲目的向前挪动着脚步直到无路可走，脚趾不停地摩挲着岩石的边缘。我深深吸了一口气，屏住了呼吸等待着。
“Bella.”
“贝拉。”
“Yes?” I didn’t answer out loud, for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter the beautiful illusion. He sounded so real, so close. It was only when lie was disapproving like this that I could hear the true memory of his voice — the velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all voices.
“怎么了？”我轻声回答道，生怕我的声音会破坏这个美丽的幻影。他听上去是如此真实，如此亲近。只有当他像现在这样阻止我的时候，我才能切切实实地感受到他的声音——温柔音质和动听语调所构成的最完美的声音。
“But you won’t stay with me any other way.”
“可是，无论怎样，你都不会和我在一起。”
I screamed as I dropped through the open air like a meteor, but it was a scream of exhilaration and not fear. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirling me in spirals like a rocket crashing to the earth.
我像流星一样在空中坠落，我尖叫起来，不是因为恐惧，而是因为极度兴奋。空气无力地抵抗着不可战胜的万有引力，它将我螺旋转动，我仿佛是即将撞击地球的火箭。
“Please.” It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothes — making me as wet as if this were my second jump of the day.
“求你了。”雨声几乎掩盖了他的声音。风雨吹打着我的头发和衣服，我浑身湿漉漉的——好像刚从海里潜水出来。
“You wanted me to be human”, I reminded him. Well, watch me.
“你要我做个凡人”，我提醒他，好了，看着我跳吧！
And I flung myself off the cliff.
我猛地一蹬腿跃了出去。
I smiled and raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain. But it was too ingrained from years of swimming at the public pool — feet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring…
我笑了笑，举起伸直的手臂，仰起脸迎着雨水，摆出潜水前的姿势，但是，多年来在公共游泳池养成的习惯动作根深蒂固——记得我第一次在那儿游泳的时候，是脚朝下如水的。我朝前倾，躬起身子，争取更强的弹力……
I rolled up onto the balls of my feet.
我踮起脚尖。
“Don’t do this,” he pleaded.
“别这样。”他恳求道。
“Please. For me.”
“求你了，为了我，别这样。”
“No, Bella!” He was angry now, and the anger was so lovely.
“不，贝拉！！”他有些生气，而生气时的声音显得更加迷人。
Yes! The word echoed through my head as I sliced through the surface of the water. It was icy, colder than I’d feared, and yet the chill only added to the high.
棒极了！！落入水中的那一刹那，这句话在我脑中回荡。海水冰凉，比我预想的更冷，但是，这一丝寒意令我更加兴奋。
That was when the current caught me.
当海水把我包围的时候，我终于明白了这个问题的答案。
I’d been so preoccupied by the size of the cliffs, by the obvious danger of their high, sheer faces, that I hadn’t worried at all about the dark water waiting. I never dreamed that the true menace was lurking far below me, under the heaving surf.
之前，我只留意到陡峭的悬崖，只担心它的高度和陡峭带来的显而易见的危险，丝毫没有意识到等待着我的海水。我从没想到真正的威胁来自下方，来自汹涌的海面之下。
I was proud of myself as I plunged deeper into the freezing black water. I hadn’t had one moment of terror — just pure adrenaline. Really, the fall wasn’t scary at all. Where was the challenge?
我在冰凉的海水里越沉越深，我为自己感到骄傲，因为我一点也不害怕——只有按耐不住的激动。真的，从峭壁上跳下来一点也不可怕。那么，悬崖跳水的挑战性究竟在哪儿呢？
The angry water was black in every direction; there was no brightness to direct me upward. Gravity was all-powerful when it competed with the air, but it had nothing on the waves — I couldn’t feel a downward pull, a sinking in any direction. Just the battering of the current that flung me round and round like a rag doll.
四周是黑糊糊的海水，没有光亮指引我向上。引力在空气中是万能的，但面对海水，它却束手无策——我觉察不到向下的重力，没有向任何方向下沉的感觉。澎湃的海水把我当作玩具皮球一样翻转、投掷。
It felt like the waves were fighting over me, jerking me back and forth between them as if determined to share by pulling me into halves. I knew the right way to avoid a riptide: swim parallel to the beach rather than struggling for the shore. But the knowledge did me little good when I didn’t know which way the shore was.
一波波的海水似乎为了争夺我而搏斗着，它们把我拉过来扯过去，像是要将我撕成几块，共同分享我这个战利品。我懂得如何应付激流：沿着与海岸平行的方向游，但是，我现在无法判断海岸在什么方向，这点知识压根儿帮不上忙。
I couldn’t even tell which way the surface was.
我甚至无法判断海面在哪个方向。
I fought to keep my breath in, to keep my lips locked around my last store of oxygen.
我强憋住一口气，紧紧地闭上双唇，锁住仅存的一点氧气。
It didn’t surprise me that my delusion of Edward was there. He owed me that much, considering that I was dying. I was surprised by how sure that knowledge was. I was going to drown. I was drowning.
爱德华的声音再次出现时我一点也不觉得意外。他早该出现了，因为我正在垂死挣扎。让我觉得意外的是，我竟然如此确定自己必死无疑。我就会被淹死，我是一个即将死去的人。
Where? There was nothing but the darkness. There was no place to swim to.
游向哪里？漆黑一片，无处可游。
“Keep swimming!” Edward begged urgently in my head.
“接着游！”爱德华急切地恳求我。
The cold of the water was numbing my arms and legs. I didn’t feel the buffeting so much as before. It was more of just a dizziness now, a helpless spinning in the water.
冰凉的海水使我四肢麻木，我隐约觉得自己仍在游动，但那也只是在水里无力和无助地旋转。
“Stop that!” he ordered. “Don’t you dare give up!”
“不许这样想！”他命令道，“不许你放弃！”
But I listened to him. I forced my arms to continue reaching, my legs to kick harder, though every second I was facing a new direction. It couldn’t be doing any good. What was the point?
但是，我听从了他的命令。我使劲伸开双臂、踢动双腿，但是每一次我都游向不同的方向。一点用都没有，再努力下去又有什么意义呢？
Why?
为什么？
I didn’t want to fight anymore. And it wasn’t the light-headedness, or the cold, or the failure of my arms as the muscles gave out in exhaustion, that made me content to stay where I was. I was almost happy that it was over. This was an easier death than others I’d faced. Oddly peaceful.
我不想再游了。我乐意待在这里，倒不是因为我觉得头晕目眩，也不是因为海水冰凉，更不是因为我四肢无力、精疲力竭，而是因为我庆幸，一切都将画上句号。比起我所面临的其他死亡方式，这是一种更舒服，更轻松，也更安宁。
“Fight!” he yelled. “Damn it, Bella, keep fighting.”
“加油！”他嚷道，“见鬼，贝拉，继续游。”
I thought briefly of the cliches, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway?
我突然想起人们常说的一句话：临死前，你的一生将在你眼前闪现。我幸运的多，什么也没有看见，谁愿意看重播的情节呢？
I saw him, and I had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory. My subconscious had stored Edward away in flawless detail, saving him for this final moment. I could see his perfect face as if he were really there; the exact shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the line of his jaw, the gold glinting in his furious eyes. He was angry, naturally, that I was giving up. His teeth were clenched and his nostrils flared with rage.
但是，在我放弃的时候，我看到了他！他的形象如此清晰，比以往任何一次回忆中的印象都分明。我在潜意识保留了一个完美无缺的爱德华，直到最后关头他才会出现。我望着他那张精致的脸，好像是他就在我的面前；我看着他的冰冷皮肤、他的嘴唇、他的下颌、他那双愤怒的金色眼睛。他因为我的放弃而怒气冲冲，紧紧地咬着牙齿，连鼻息都带着怒气。
“No! Bella, no!”
“不！贝拉，不！”
Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.
幸福，是它让死亡的过程不那么痛苦。
My ears were flooded with the freezing water, but his voice was clearer than ever. I ignored his words and concentrated on the sound of his voice. Why would I fight when I was so happy where I was? Even as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold, I was content. I’d forgotten what real happiness felt like.
我的耳朵里灌满了冰凉的海水，但是他的声音却比任何时候都清楚。我不去管他说了些什么，全神贯注地聆听他的声音。既然我乐意待在这里，又何必挣扎求生呢？尽管我的肺急需空气，我的腿痉挛不止，但是，我很满足，我已经很久没有体会到真正的幸福了。
Goodbye, I love you, was my last thought.
再见了，我爱你！这是我最后的念想。
The current won at that moment, shoving me abruptly against something hard, a rock invisible in the gloom. It hit me solidly across the chest, slamming into me like an iron bar, and the breath whooshed out of my lungs, escaping in a thick cloud of silver bubbles. Water flooded down my throat, choking and burning. The iron bar seemed to be dragging me, pulling me away from Edward, deeper into the dark, to the ocean floor.
海水完全征服了我，将我猛推向一个坚硬的东西，我估摸是黑暗中的一块岩石。它像坚硬的铁棒一样狠狠地直撞到我的胸膛，仅存的一口气迅速涌出胸腔，化成了许多银色的小气泡。海水冲入我的喉咙，让人感到窒息、刺痛。那铁棒似乎在用力拽我，硬拖着我离开爱德华，深入黑暗之中，潜入大海之底。
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