Because Elsa’s no fool. She knows if there was a dragon at the beginning of the story, the dragon will turn up again before the story is done. She knows everything has to become darker and more horrible before everything works out just fine at the end. Because that is how all the best stories go.
爱莎不是傻瓜。她知道如果在故事的开始有一头龙，那么在故事结束前，龙一定会再次出现。她知道在所有事情都圆满结束之前，故事一定会先变得更黑暗更可怕。所有最好的故事都是这样的。
In Miamas you celebrate Christmas the evening before, just like in Sweden, but it’s because that’s when the Christmas tales are told. All tales are regarded as treasures in Miamas, but the Christmas tales are something truly special. A normal story can either be funny or sad or exciting or scary or dramatic or sentimental, but a Christmas tale has to be all those things. “A Christmas tale has to be written with every pen you own,” Granny used to say. And they have to have happy endings, which is something that Elsa has decided completely on her own.
密阿玛斯和现实世界一样在平安夜庆祝圣诞，但意义却不一样，因为那是讲述圣诞故事的日子。在密阿玛斯，所有故事都是珍宝，但圣诞故事是非常特别的。一般的故事可以有趣，或悲伤，或刺激，或恐怖，或高潮迭起，或感人至深，但一个圣诞故事必须包括全部这些元素。“必须用你拥有的每一支笔来书写圣诞故事。”外婆曾经这么说。而且必须是大团圆结局，这是爱莎自己补充的规则。
She knows she’s going to have to fight, even though she’s tired of fighting. So it has to end happily, this fairy tale.
她知道她一定将面对战斗，即使她已厌倦战斗。这个童话故事必须大圆满结局。
She misses the smell of pizza when she goes down the stairs. Granny said there was a law in Miamas about having to eat pizza at Christmas Eve. Granny was full of nonsense, of course, but Elsa went along with it, because she likes pizza and Christmas food kind of sucks if you’re a vegetarian.
她下楼时怀念起披萨的香味。外婆说，在密阿玛斯，圣诞节吃披萨是一条法律。这显然是外婆的瞎话，但爱莎还是随她去了。因为她喜欢披萨，而对一名素食主义者来说，圣诞食物其实很糟糕。
It has to.
必须。
The pizza also had the added bonus of making a cooking smell in the stairwell that drove Britt-Marie into a fury. Because Britt-Marie hangs Christmas decorations on her and Ken’s front door, because Kent’s children always come for Christmas and Britt-Marie wants to “make the stairs look nice for everyone!” And then the Christmas decorations smell of pizza all year, which provokes Britt-Marie and makes her condemn Granny as “uncivilized.”
还有一个好处，烤披萨的香味蔓延到整个楼道，这让布里特—玛丽特别生气。布里特—玛丽会在她和肯特的家门前挂上圣诞装饰，因为肯特的孩子们会来过圣诞，而布里特—玛丽想“让每个人都觉得楼梯看上去很漂亮”。她的圣诞装饰整年都会闻上去有股披萨味儿，这惹怒了布里特—玛丽，因而她宣称外婆“未经文明教化”。
“As if THAT old bat can talk about being uncivilized?! No one is more damned civilized than I am!” Granny would snort every year while she sneaked about, as was the tradition, hanging little pieces of calzone all over Britt-Marie’s Christmas decorations. And when Britt-Marie appeared at Mum and George’s flat on Christmas Eve morning in such a foul mood, in that way of hers, that she said everything twice, Granny defended herself by saying that they were “pizza Christmas decorations” and that Granny actually just wanted to “make things look nice for everyone!” On one occasion she actually dropped the whole calzone through Britt-Marie and Kent’s mail slot, and then Britt-Marie got so angry on Christmas morning that she forgot to put on her floral-print jacket.
“那个老女人自以为知道什么是‘文明教化’？没人比我更讲文明了！”外婆总会不屑地评论。作为一项传统，她每年都会偷偷把小块的面饼挂到布里特—玛丽的圣诞装饰上。当布里特—玛丽在圣诞节早上暴躁地出现在妈妈和乔治的门前时，她每句话都要说两遍。外婆辩解说那些是“披萨圣诞装饰”，而她只是想“让每个人都觉得这些很漂亮”。有一次，她甚至把整张面饼从布里特—玛丽和肯特的投信口里塞了进去。那个圣诞节早晨，布里特—玛丽气得都忘记穿她的印花外套了。
But Elsa can’t say no to Mum right now, because Mum, after a lot of nagging, has agreed to let the wurse hide in Granny’s flat over Christmas. It’s quite difficult saying no to a mum who lets you bring a wurse home, even if Mum still sighs about Elsa “exaggerating” when Elsa says Kent is trying to kill it.
但现在爱莎不能跟妈妈说不，因为妈妈终于没抵挡住女儿的软磨硬泡，同意让呜嘶在圣诞节期间藏在外婆的公寓里。当爱莎说肯特还想杀了它时，妈妈叹着气说这是“夸大其词”。
No one was ever able to explain how one can drop a whole calzone through someone’s letter box.
谁都无法解释到底是怎么把一整张面饼都塞进投信口的。
Elsa takes a couple of deep, controlled breaths on the stairs, because that’s what Mum has told her to do when she gets angry. Mum really does everything that Granny never did. Such as asking Elsa to invite Britt-Marie and Kent for Christmas dinner with all the other neighbors, for example. Granny would never have done that. “Over my dead body!” Granny would have roared if Mum had suggested it. Which she couldn’t have done now that her body was actually dead, Elsa realizes, but still. It’s about the principle. That’s what Granny would have said if she’d been here.
爱莎在楼梯上深吸了几口气来稳定情绪，妈妈告诉她生气时要这样做。妈妈真的总是做外婆从不做的事情。比如让爱莎邀请布里特—玛丽、肯特和其他所有邻居一起吃圣诞晚餐。外婆绝不会这么做。“除非我死了！”如果妈妈提出这样的建议，外婆一定会冲她这么吼。她现在做不到了，因为她的确已经死了，爱莎意识到这点。但不管怎么说，这是原则问题。外婆如果在这里，她就会那么说。
On the other hand, Elsa is happy that the wurse took an instant dislike to George. Not that Elsa feels anyone should hate George, but really no one ever has, so it’s nice just for a change.
另一方面，爱莎很高兴呜嘶一见面就不喜欢乔治。倒不是说爱莎觉得应该有人恨乔治，而是说从来都没人恨他，所以有个例外也挺好。
Elsa knows they’re talking about Granny’s flat being easier to defend if Sam comes here. She knows that Sam will come sooner or later, and that Mum is going to assemble Granny’s army on the top floor. Elsa was in Lennart and Maud’s flat with the wurse when Mum told Maud to just “pack the essentials” and tried to sound as if it wasn’t at all serious. And then Maud and the wurse packed all the cookie tins they could find into big bags, and when Mum saw that she sighed and said: “Please, Maud, I said just the essentials!” And then Maud looked at Mum in a puzzled way and replied: “Cookies are the essentials.”
爱莎知道他们在说，如果山姆来了，外婆的公寓更安全。她知道山姆迟早会来，而妈妈会在顶楼召集外婆的军队。在妈妈试图以一种没什么要紧事的语气告诉莫德“就带上必需品”时，爱莎就在莱纳特和莫德的公寓里。莫德和呜嘶打包了所有他们能找到的饼干桶，装进大袋子。妈妈见了，叹着气说：“拜托，莫德，我说必需品！”莫德看着妈妈，困惑地回答：“饼干就是必需品啊。”
The boy with a syndrome and his mum are about to move into Granny’s flat. Elsa knows that because she played hide-the-key with the boy all afternoon while Mum, George, Alf, Lennart, Maud, and the boy’s mother sat in the kitchen talking about secrets. They deny it, of course, but Elsa knows how secretive voices sound. You know that when you’re almost eight. She hates that Mum has secrets from her. When you know someone is keeping secrets from you it makes you feel like an idiot, and no one likes feeling like an idiot. Mum of all people should know that.
生病男孩和他妈妈将搬到外婆的公寓里。爱莎下午和男孩玩“藏钥匙”游戏时，妈妈、乔治、阿尔夫、莱纳特、莫德和男孩的妈妈坐在厨房里说悄悄话。他们当然对此表示否认，但爱莎知道悄悄话听上去是什么样子的。当你即将八岁时，你就会知道。她讨厌妈妈有秘密瞒着她。有人瞒着你秘密时，你会觉得自己被当成了白痴，没人喜欢被当成个白痴。妈妈应该最清楚这点。
Although Britt-Marie and Kent’s door is full of Christmas decorations, no one answers when Elsa rings the doorbell. She finds Britt-Marie in the corridor downstairs, just inside the entrance. She stands with her hands clasped together on her stomach, staring disconsolately at the stroller, which is still locked to the banister. She’s wearing the floral-print jacket and the brooch. And there’s a new notice on the wall.
虽然布里特—玛丽和肯特的门前挂满了圣诞装饰，但爱莎按门铃时，没人应答。她发现布里特—玛丽在楼下的走廊，就站在大门内侧。她双手叠放在腹部，愁苦地盯着那辆婴儿车，它还锁在栏杆上。她穿着印花外套，戴着胸针。墙上有一张新告示。
The wurse growled happily at that statement, then looked at Mum as if it was more disappointed than angry and pointedly pushed an extra tin of chocolate and peanut cookies into the bag. Then they carried it all upstairs to Granny’s flat and George invited everyone for mulled wine. The wurse drank the most mulled wine of them all. And now all the grown-ups are sitting in Mum and George’s kitchen, having secrets together.
呜嘶听见这话，开心地低吼了一声，然后用失望而不是生气的眼神看着妈妈，示威地将另一罐巧克力花生饼干推进袋子里。然后他们把这些都带上楼，去了外婆的公寓，乔治请大家喝香料热红酒。呜嘶把所有的酒全喝光了。现在，所有的大人都坐在妈妈和乔治的厨房里，说着悄悄话。
The first sign was the one that said it was forbidden to leave strollers there. And then someone took that sign down. And now someone has put up a new sign. And the stroller is still there. And it’s actually not a sign, Elsa notices when she goes closer. It’s a crossword.
第一张告示写的是禁止停放婴儿车。有人把那张告示撕掉了。现在上面贴了张新的，爱莎注意到布里特—玛丽凑近了在看。那是一张填字游戏。
Britt-Marie is startled when she catches sight of her.
布里特—玛丽看见爱莎在看她，吓了一跳。
“I’m actually not an idiot, I’m actually not. I know you talk behind my back in this leaseholders’ association, I know you do!”
“我真的不是个傻瓜。我真的不是。我知道在这个租户协会里，你们都在背后说我坏话。我知道的！”
She rubs an invisible stain from her brooch.
她揉擦着胸针上看不见的污垢。
Elsa doesn’t quite know what happens inside her at that point, but it must be the combination of the words “not an idiot” and “behind my back,” perhaps. Something very unpleasant and acidic and foul-smelling rises in Elsa’s throat, and it takes a long time before, with disgust, she has to admit to herself that it’s sympathy.
爱莎不太清楚当时自己心里在想些什么，但也许就是“不是傻瓜”和“背后说坏话”这两句话结合而产生的。爱莎的喉咙里涌出一种不悦、酸涩、恶臭的感觉，花了很长时间，她才极不情愿地承认，那是同情。
“I suppose you find this funny,” she starts, “you and your family. Making the rest of us look foolish in this house. But I’ll get to the bottom of it and find those who are responsible for this, you can be quite sure about that. It’s actually a fire risk to have strollers in the stairwell and to keep taping up notices on the walls! The paper can actually start burning!”
“你是不是觉得这很有趣？”她说，“你和你那一家子，让我们其他住在楼里的人看上去像傻瓜。但我一定会查清楚到底是谁干的，我向你保证。在楼梯井放置婴儿车，还有在墙上贴告示，这些都是火灾隐患！纸有可能烧起来的！”
No one likes feeling like an idiot.
没人喜欢被当成白痴。
So Elsa says nothing about how maybe Britt-Marie could try to stop being such a bloody busybody all the time, if she wants people to talk to her a bit more. She doesn’t even mention that this is not actually a leaseholders’ association. She just swallows all the pride she’s feasting on and mumbles: “Mum and George want to invite you and Kent for Christmas dinner tomorrow. Everyone in the house is going to be there.”
所以爱莎没有发表任何评论，比如，布里特—玛丽如果希望别人更常和她说话，就应该少管闲事。她甚至没有提到这不是个真正的租户协会。她吞下心中涌起的满足感，喃喃道：“妈妈和乔治想邀请你和肯特明天一起来吃圣诞晚餐。楼里所有人都会来。”
Britt-Marie storms off; Elsa stays where she is, shaking her head and mumbling, “Muppet, muppet, muppet.” She looks at the crossword above the stroller; she doesn’t know who put it there, but now she wishes she’d thought of it herself, because it’s obviously driving Britt-Marie barmy.
布里特—玛丽气冲冲地走开了，爱莎站在原地，摇头念叨：“蠢货，蠢货，蠢货。”她看着婴儿车上方的填字游戏，不知道是谁贴上去的，但现在她希望自己能早点儿想到这主意，因为这显然让布里特—玛丽气疯了。
“Well, well, I can’t respond to invitations just like that, because Kent is actually at the office right now, and certain people in this house have jobs to take care of. You can give your mother that message. Not all people have time off all Christmas. And Kent’s children are coming tomorrow and they actually don’t like running about, going to other people’s parties, they like being home with me and Kent. And we’re eating some ordinary Christmas food, like a civilized family. We are. You can give your mother that message!”
“嗯，嗯，我没办法现在就对这样的邀请做出答复，因为肯特在办公室，这栋楼里还有人要工作。你就这样告诉你妈妈，不是所有人在圣诞节都放假。而且肯特的孩子们明天会来，他们可不喜欢跑来跑去，去参加别人的派对，他们喜欢和我还有肯特待在家里。我们会吃一些正常的圣诞食物，像有教养的家庭一样。这就是我们。你可以这么转告你妈妈！”
Britt-Marie’s gaze wavers for just an instant. Elsa briefly recalls the look she gave earlier today, the human look, but then she seems to snap out of it.
布里特—玛丽的凝视动摇了片刻，让爱莎突然想起她今早露出的充满人性的表情，但瞬间就消失了。
Elsa goes back up the stairs and knocks on the door of the woman with the black skirt.
爱莎回到楼上，敲了敲黑裙女人的房门。
“We’re having Christmas dinner at our house tomorrow. You’re welcome, if you like,” says Elsa, and adds: “It could actually be quite nice, because Britt-Marie and Kent aren’t coming!”
“我们明天在家里吃圣诞晚餐。如果你愿意的话，欢迎你来。”爱莎补充道，“那肯定会很棒的，因为布里特—玛丽和肯特不来！”
“Nothing,” Alf says evasively.
“没什么。”阿尔夫躲躲闪闪。
The woman smiles. Elsa smiles back.
女人笑了。爱莎也笑了。
“I… maybe I can come. A… short while.”
“我…也许能来。来…一小会儿。”
The woman looks at her for a long time, drags her hand slowly through her hair. Elsa stares back determinedly.
女人看了她好一会儿，一只手顺着自己的头发。爱莎坚定地盯着她。
The woman freezes.
女人愣住了。
The boy jumps into Mum and George’s flat and heads towards a large bowl of chocolate Santas. Alf tries to get past Elsa on the stairs but Elsa stands in his way.
男孩蹦跳进妈妈和乔治的公寓，朝着一大碗巧克力圣诞老人跑去。阿尔夫想从爱莎身侧下楼，但爱莎挡住了他的路。
“What are you doing?” asks Elsa.
“你在干吗？”爱莎问。
“I know. But you don’t seem so good at being on your own either.”
“我知道，但你一个人看上去也没多好。”
Alf comes out of Granny’s flat just as Elsa’s climbing the stairs. The boy with a syndrome is circling him happily, doing a little dance, and Alf has an enormous toolbox in one hand, which he tries to hide when he catches sight of Elsa.
女人上楼时，阿尔夫正从外婆的公寓里出来。生病男孩欢快地绕着他打转，蹦蹦跳跳。阿尔夫手中提着一个很大的工具箱，看见爱莎时，他赶紧把它藏起来。
“I… I’m not so good at meeting people.”
“我…我不擅长跟人打交道。”
“We can buy pizza! If you don’t, you know, like Christmas food,” says Elsa hopefully.
“我们可以买点儿披萨！如果你，我是说，不喜欢圣诞食物的话。”爱莎期待地补充道。
“Nothing!” Alf repeats and tries to hide it behind his back.
“没什么！”阿尔夫重复道，想把它藏在背后。
“What’s that?” she asks, pointing at the toolbox.
“那是什么？”她指着工具箱。
He smells strongly of wood shavings, Elsa notices.
他闻上去有股木屑的气味，爱莎注意到。
She looks into the flat at the boy. He looks happy in the way that only an almost-seven-year-old can look happy when standing in front of a whole big bowl of chocolate Santas. Elsa wonders if he’s waiting for the real Santa, who isn’t made of chocolate. Obviously, Elsa doesn’t believe in Santa, but she has a lot of faith in people who do believe in him. She used to write letters to Santa every Christmas, not just wish lists but whole letters. They weren’t very much about Christmas, mainly about politics. Because Elsa mostly felt that Santa wasn’t involving himself enough in social questions, and believed he needed to be informed about that, in the midst of the floods of greedy letters that she knew he must be receiving from all the other children every year. Someone had to take a bit of responsibility. One year she’d seen the Coca-Cola ad, and that time her letter was quite a lot about how Santa was a “soulless sellout.” Another year she’d seen a TV documentary about child labor and, immediately after that, quite a few American Christmas comedies, and because she was unsure whether Santa’s definition of “elf” should be classified as the same as the elves that exist in Old Norse mythology or the ones that live in forests in Tolkien’s world, or just in the general sense of a short person, sort of thing, she demanded that Santa immediately get back to her with a precise definition.
她看着公寓里的男孩。他似乎很高兴，和所有面对一大碗巧克力圣诞老人的七岁小孩一样。爱莎好奇他会不会等待的不是巧克力做的圣诞老人。爱莎自然不相信圣诞老人，但她相信那些相信他的人。以前每个圣诞节她都会写信给圣诞老人，不只是愿望清单，更是完整的一封信。内容很少涉及圣诞节，主要是关于政治的。爱莎觉得圣诞老人对社会问题关注得不够，她相信有必要告知他这一点，每年其他小孩都会给他写一封充满贪婪的信，但必须有人有点儿责任心。有一年，她看了可口可乐的圣诞广告，那次她在信里指责了圣诞老人“为利益出卖灵魂”。[1]另一年，她看了一部关于童工的电视纪录片，紧接着又看了好些美国圣诞喜剧，她不确定圣诞老人是怎么定义“圣诞小精灵”的——是古老北欧神话里的“精灵”，还是托尔金笔下住在树林里的“精灵”，或是圣诞老人雇的童工，她要求圣诞老人立刻给她一个明确的答复。【注：[1]可口可乐的圣诞广告里经常会出现圣诞老人。】
“Sure it’s nothing!” she says grumpily.
“你说没有就没有吧！”她气呼呼地说。
She tries to stop feeling like an idiot. It doesn’t go so very well.
她不想再让别人觉得自己是个傻瓜了，但不怎么成功。
Mum didn’t laugh at all about that, which didn’t bother Granny, but on the other hand Elsa did laugh a good deal, and that pleased Granny immeasurably. And the day before Christmas, Elsa had a letter from Santa in which he gave her a right ticking-off because she’d “got herself an attitude,” and then there followed a long haranguing passage that started with “you ungrateful bloody brat” and went on to say that because Elsa had stopped believing in Santa, the elves hadn’t been able to reach a proper collective agreement on salaries that year.
妈妈没有因此大笑，外婆也不在意。爱莎倒是笑了好半天，这让外婆乐坏了。那年圣诞的前一天，爱莎收到了圣诞老人的一封信，信上好好地责备了一番爱莎，因为她“态度不好”，然后是一长段高谈阔论，开始于“你这个不知好歹的小混蛋”，紧接着说因为爱莎不再相信圣诞老人，所以小精灵们今年“对公资不满了”。
Santa never did, so Elsa sent another letter that was very long and angry. The year after, Elsa had learned how to use Google, so then she knew the reason for Santa never answering was that he didn’t exist. So she didn’t write any more letters. She mentioned to Mum and Granny the next day that Santa didn’t exist, and Mum got so upset that she choked on her mulled wine, and when Granny saw this she immediately turned dramatically to Elsa and pretended to be even more upset, and burst out: “DON’T you talk like that, Elsa! If you do, you’re just reality-challenged!”
圣诞老人没有回复，所以爱莎又写了另一封充满愤怒的长信。第二年，爱莎学会了如何用谷歌，她终于知道圣诞老人不回信的原因是他根本不存在。于是她再也不写信了。第二天她对妈妈和外婆说圣诞老人不存在时，妈妈沮丧得被香料热红酒给呛到了，外婆见状立马做作地转向爱莎，装作更沮丧的样子，大吼道：“不要这么说，爱莎！你这是在歪曲事实！”
And then Granny had looked a little less outraged and apologized. And then she tried to get Elsa to run to the shop to buy a cigarette lighter, in exchange for Granny “timing her.” But Elsa didn’t fall for that one.
外婆顿时泄了气，然后道了歉。接着她想让爱莎去商店买个打火机，以交换外婆不再对她生气。但爱莎没有上当。
“Because not even Santa is so dumb that he spells ‘collective’ with a double ‘t’!”
“因为圣诞老人不会蠢到把工资写成‘公资’！”
“How?” Granny asked with exaggerated outrage
“怎么知道的？”外婆表现出夸张的愤怒。
Elsa looks at the boy, then at Alf, and locks eyes with him. When the boy catches sight of a bowl of chocolate Santas and disappears from view, Elsa slips into the flat’s front hall, opens the chest in there, and pulls out the Santa suit. She goes back onto the landing and presses it into Alf’s arms.
爱莎看了看男孩，又看向阿尔夫，双眼紧锁在他身上。趁着男孩看见一碗巧克力兔子而跑进公寓时，爱莎溜进玄关，打开那里的箱子，找出圣诞老人装。她回到楼梯，把它按在阿尔夫的怀里。
“I know you wrote this,” Elsa had hissed at Granny.
“我知道是你写的。”爱莎嫌弃地对外婆说。
And then Granny had grumpily got out her newly purchased Santa suit, and they went to the children’s hospital where Granny’s friend worked. Granny went around all day telling fairy tales to children with terrible diseases and Elsa followed behind her, distributing toys. That was Elsa’s best-ever Christmas. They would make a tradition of it, Granny promised, but it was a really crappy tradition because they only had time to do it one year before she went and died.
后来，外婆气呼呼地拿出她新买的圣诞老人装，她们去了外婆朋友工作的儿童医院。外婆在那儿待了一整天，给得了重病的孩子们讲故事，爱莎则跟在她身后分发玩具。那是爱莎度过的最棒的圣诞节。外婆保证，她们会把这个当作传统，年年都做，然而这个传统很烂，因为她们才遵循了一年，外婆就死了。
“Forget that you can forget about it!” says Elsa, and pushes the costume back even more.
“你的不可能才不可能！”爱莎又更用力地把衣服推回去。
Elsa rolls her eyes.
爱莎翻了个白眼。
“What’s that?”
“这是什么？”
“No, but not everything in the world is about me, right?”
“是啊，但全世界不是围绕我转的，好吗？”
“Your grandmother said you don’t even believe in bloody Santa,” mutters Alf.
“你外祖母说你根本就不相信见鬼的圣诞老人。”阿尔夫小声说。
Alf looks at it as if just tried to tickle him.
阿尔夫看着它，就好像它会挠他痒痒。
“Forget it!” says Alf dismissively, pushing the costume back towards Elsa.
“不可能！”阿尔夫不屑地说，把服装推回给爱莎。
“What’s the bloody relevance of that?”
“那有个狗屁关系啊！”
“What does it look like?” asks Elsa.
“你说是什么？”爱莎说。
“Because Lennart couldn’t keep a secret from Maud,” Elsa answers impatiently.
“因为莱纳特没法在莫德面前保守秘密。”爱莎不耐烦地回答。
She points into the flat. The boy is sitting on the floor in front of the TV. Alf looks at him and grunts. “Why can’t Lennart be Santa?”
她指着公寓。男孩坐在电视机前的地板上。阿尔夫看着他，抱怨道：“为什么莱纳特不能扮圣诞老人？”
Alf squints at Elsa. Then he reluctantly mutters that that’s true enough. Because Maud really couldn’t keep a secret even if it was glued to the insides of her hands. While George was playing hide-the-key with Elsa and the boy with a syndrome earlier, Maud had walked behind them and repeatedly whispered, “Maybe you should look in the flowerpot in the bookshelf,” and when Elsa’s mum explained to Maud that the whole point of the game was sort of to find out for yourself where the key was hidden, Maud looked disconsolate and said, “The children look so sad while they’re searching, I don’t want them to be sad.”
阿尔夫瞥了爱莎一眼，勉为其难地表示没错。因为就算把秘密黏在莫德的掌心里，她都没法保守。那天傍晚早些时候，乔治和爱莎、生病男孩在玩“藏钥匙”的游戏，莫德走到他们身后，小声重复道：“也许你们应该去看看书架上的花盆。”然后，爱莎的妈妈跟莫德解释，整个游戏的重点就是要找到钥匙藏在哪里，莫德惆怅地说：“孩子们找东西时看上去很沮丧，我不想看到他们沮丧。”
“The relevance is that Maud can’t keep a secret from anyone!”
“关系就是莫德在任何人面前都守不住秘密！”
“He’s too tall. And anyway it’ll be too obvious, because he’ll wear his jogging shorts on the outside of the Santa suit.”
“他太高了。而且他肯定会把运动裤穿在圣诞老人的衣服外面，那就太明显了。”
“So you have to be Santa,” Elsa says conclusively.
“所以你必须扮圣诞老人。”爱莎下了结论。
“My Spider-Man suit,” grunts Elsa, trying to close the lid.
“我的蜘蛛侠装。”爱莎想关上箱子。
“When do you get to wear that?” wonders Alf, apparently expecting to know the exact date of the annual Spider-Man day.
“你什么时候会穿这个？”阿尔夫好奇地问，显然是期待知道一年一度的蜘蛛侠日到底是哪一天。
“What about George?” Alf tries.
“那乔治呢？”阿尔夫还在挣扎。
Alf doesn’t look as if that would make much of a difference to him. He takes a couple of dissatisfied steps across the landing and into the hall, where he peers over the edge of the chest as if hoping to find a better option. But the only things he sees there are bedsheets and then Elsa’s Spider-Man suit.
阿尔夫无法反驳。他不满地踱了几步，走进玄关，盯着箱子边沿，似乎是想找到个更好的选择。但他只看见了床单和爱莎的蜘蛛侠装。
“What’s that?” asks Alf, and pokes at it, as if it might poke him back.
“那是什么？”阿尔夫戳了戳它。
“I was supposed to be wearing it when school starts again. We’ve got a class project.” She closes the chest with a slam. Alf stands there with the Santa suit in his hand and doesn’t seem interested. At all, actually. Elsa groans.
“我本来打算学校开学时穿的。我们有个作业。”她“砰”的一声关上箱子。阿尔夫拿着圣诞老人装站在那儿，一副不感兴趣的样子。不感兴趣得过分了。爱莎在心里抱怨道。
“If you haaave to know, I’m not going to be Spider-Man, because apparently girls aren’t allowed to be Spider-Man! But I don’t care because I haven’t got the energy to fight with everyone all the bloody time!”
“如果你非得知道的话，我不扮蜘蛛侠了，因为显然女孩不许当蜘蛛侠！但我不在乎，我可没有精力每时每刻都和坏人战斗！”
“Don’t you think a lot of bastards said that to your grandmother?”
“你不知道很多混蛋也跟你外祖母说过这话吗？”
“What are you talking about, then?”
“那你说的是什么？”
“Did she dress up as Spider-Man?”
“她也穿了蜘蛛侠的衣服？”
Alf has already started walking back to the stairs. Elsa swallows her tears, so he doesn’t hear them. Maybe he hears them all the same, though. Because he stops by the corner of the railing. Crumples up the Santa suit in his fist. Sighs. Says something that Elsa doesn’t hear.
阿尔夫已经开始往楼梯方向走了。爱莎咽下啜泣声，不让他听见。也许他还是听见了，因为他在栏杆角落旁停下脚步，拳头紧握，捏皱了圣诞老人装。他叹气，又说了些什么，爱莎没有听见。
“Did they tell her she couldn’t be a doctor? Because she was a girl?”
“他们告诉她不能当一名医生？因为她是个女孩？”
Alf sighs again, harder.
阿尔夫更重地叹了口气。
“What?” Elsa says irritably.
“你说什么？”爱莎急躁地问。
Alf takes two dragging steps down the stairs. Stops. Looks at her.
阿尔夫拖着脚走下两级台阶，停下，看向她。
“I said I think your grandmother would have wanted you to dress up as any bloody thing you like,” he repeats brusquely, without turning around.
“我说，我觉得你外祖母会希望你想穿什么就穿什么。”他没有回头，语气粗暴。
Alf shifts something in the toolbox and then stuffs in the Santa suit.
阿尔夫从工具箱里拿出一件东西，塞进了圣诞老人衣服里。
“She dressed up as a doctor.”
“她穿上了医生的衣服。”
“No.”
“不。”
Elsa peers at him.
爱莎盯着他。
“The others at school say girls can’t be Spider-Man…”
“学校里其他人都说女孩不能当蜘蛛侠…”
Elsa pushes her hands into her pockets and glares down at the floor.
爱莎把手插进口袋，盯着地板。
“Most likely they told her a whole lot of damned things she wasn’t allowed to do, for a range of different reasons. But she damned well did them all the same. A few years after she was born they were still telling girls they couldn’t vote in the bleeding elections, but now the girls do it all the same. That’s damned well how you stand up to bastards who tell you what you can and can’t do. You bloody do those things all the bloody same.”
“更像是，他们告诉她不能做很多很多事情，因为种种不同的原因。但她还是做了。她出生后的几年，他们还说女孩不能投票呢，但现在呢，女孩们还是投了。就应该站出来对抗那些告诉你什么能做什么不能做的混蛋。你他妈照样干就对了。”
The boy with a syndrome mainly keeps his eyes shut, and Elsa brings him to the Land-of-Almost-Awake. They fly over all six kingdoms, and when they turn towards Mimovas the boy recognizes where he is. He jumps off the cloud animal and starts running. When he gets to the city gates, where the music of Mimovas comes pouring out, he starts dancing. He dances beautifully. And Elsa dances with him.
生病男孩闭上眼睛，爱莎带他去了不眠大陆。他们在六个王国上方飞过，飞到密莫瓦斯时，男孩认出了那个地方。他跳下云兽，开始奔跑。到城门时，密莫瓦斯的音乐流淌出来，他开始舞蹈，跳得很美。爱莎与他一起跳了起来。
Elsa watches her shoes. Alf watches his toolbox. Then Elsa goes into the hall, takes two chocolate Santas, eats one of them, and throws the other to Alf, who catches it in his free hand. He shrugs slightly.
爱莎看着自己的鞋子。阿尔夫看着他的工具箱。然后，爱莎走进玄关，拿了两块巧克力圣诞老人，吃了一块，把另一块扔给阿尔夫，他用空着的那只手接住，微微耸了耸肩。
“I think your grandmother would have wanted you to dress up as any old damned thing you wanted.”
“我觉得你外祖母会希望你想穿什么就穿什么。”
With that he shuffles off, his Italian opera music seeping out as he opens his door and closes it behind him. Elsa goes into the hall and fetches the whole bowl of chocolate Santas. Then she takes the boy’s hand and calls the wurse. All three of them go across the landing to Granny’s flat, where they crawl into the magic wardrobe that stopped growing when Granny died. It smells of wood shavings in there. And, in fact, it has magically grown to the exact dimensions needed to accommodate two children and a wurse.
说完这句，他就溜走了，打开身后的房门时，意大利歌剧传了出来。爱莎走进玄关，拿起整碗的巧克力圣诞老人。然后她拉着男孩的手，叫上了呜嘶。他们仨穿过走道，进入外婆的公寓，爬进外婆死后就不再变大的魔法衣橱。里面闻上去有木屑的气味。事实上，它竟然神奇地变大了，正好能容纳两个孩子和一只呜嘶。
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