第十四章: 一个年轻人的漫长的、尴尬的、偶尔悲剧，又时常蒙羞的心灵教育——第三部分：舞会 A Young Man’s Long, Awkward, Occasionally Tragic, and Frequently Humiliating Education in Affairs of the Heart, Part Iii: the Dance
By the end of high school I’d become a mogul. My tuck-shop business had evolved into a mini-empire that included selling pirated CDs I made at home. I’d convinced my mother, as frugal as she was, that I needed a computer for school. I didn’t. I wanted it so I could surf the Internet and play Leisure Suit Larry. But I was very convincing, and she broke down and got it for me. Thanks to the computer, the Internet, and the fortunate gift of a CD writer from a friend, I was in business.
高中快毕业的时候，我已经成了个人物。我的小卖部生意已经发展成为迷你商业帝国，业务线还包含贩卖我自己在家拷贝的盗版CD。我说服了我那极度节俭的母亲，说我上学需要一台电脑。其实我不需要。我要电脑的原因是想上网，以及玩《情圣拉瑞》，但是我实在是太擅长说服别人了，所以她最终同意给我买一台电脑。感谢电脑，感谢因特网，感谢有位朋友送我的珍贵礼物——那台刻录机，让我开拓了事业的疆土。
I had carved out my niche, and was having a great time; life was so good as an outsider that I didn’t even think about dating. The only girls in my life were the naked ones on my computer. While I downloaded music and messed around in chat rooms, I’d dabble in porn sites here and there. No video, of course, only pictures. With online porn today you just drop straight into the madness, but with dial-up it took so long for the images to load. It was almost gentlemanly compared to now. You’d spend a good five minutes looking at her face, getting to know her as a person. Then a few minutes later you’d get some boobs. By the time you got to her vagina, you’d spent a lot of quality time together.
我的创业之路是如此成功，作为局外人的生活是如此美妙，以至于我从没想过约会这件事。我生命中唯一的女孩们，只存在于我的电脑里，而且都没穿衣服。下载音乐，或者在聊天室瞎扯的时候，我有时会随便翻翻色情网站。当然不是色情视频，只是图片而已。现在你想看色情视频，随便点开就行，但是我那个时候上网还是拨号，下载一张图片都要很久很久。和现在比起来，那时的速度简直堪称绅士。你得花五分钟的时间看着她的脸，好好地去了解这张脸背后的故事。过了几分钟，你才会看到一部分胸部。等到你能看到她的下身时，你们俩已经一起度过了一段很有意义的时光。
In September of grade twelve, the matric dance was coming up. Senior prom. This was the big one. I was again faced with the dilemma of Valentine’s Day, confronting another strange ritual I did not understand. All I knew about prom was that, according to my American movies, prom is where it happens. You lose your virginity. You go and you ride in the limousine, and then you and the girl do the thing. That was literally my only reference. But I knew the rule: Cool guys get girls, and funny guys get to hang out with the cool guys with their girls. So I’d assumed I wouldn’t be going, or if I did go it wouldn’t be with a date.
十二年级那年的9月，会举办录取舞会，也就是高中的毕业舞会。这是件大事。我又遇上了和那次情人节一样的困境，又遇上了一个我并不理解的奇怪惯例。我对毕业舞会的全部了解是这样的：根据我看过的美国电影，毕业舞会就是要发生那件事的地方：你会失身。你要驾着豪华轿车去舞会，然后要和你的女伴做那件事。毫不夸张地说，这真的是我唯一的参考。但是我知道规则：帅哥才有女朋友，而搞笑的家伙则可以和帅哥以及他们的女朋友一起玩。所以我觉得我大概不会参加舞会了，因为哪怕我参加，身边也不会有女伴。
I had two middlemen working for me in my CD business, Bongani and Tom. They sold the CDs that I copied in exchange for a cut. I met Tom at the arcade at the Balfour Park mall. Like Teddy, he lived nearby because his mom was a domestic worker. Tom was in my grade but went to a government school, Northview, a proper ghetto school. Tom handled my CD sales over there.
我的CD生意有两个中间商，邦哈尼和汤姆。他们帮我兜售刻录的CD，从中赚取一定比例的佣金。我是在巴尔弗商场的游戏厅认识汤姆的。和泰迪一样，他之所以住在附近是因为他母亲是女佣。汤姆和我一个年级，但是他就读的是一所公立学校——北景中学——一个典型的贫民窟中学。汤姆负责那边CD的销售。
Tom was a chatterbox, hyperactive and go-go-go. He was a real hustler, too, always trying to cut a deal, work an angle. He could get people to do anything. A great guy, but fucking crazy and a complete liar as well. I went with him once to Hammanskraal, a settlement that was like a homeland, but not really. Hammanskraal, as its Afrikaans name suggests, was the kraal of Hamman, what used to be a white man’s farm. The proper homelands, Venda and Gazankulu and Transkei, were places where black people actually lived, and the government drew a border around them and said, “Stay there.” Hammanskraal and settlements like it were empty places on the map where deported black people had been relocated. That’s what the government did. They would find some patch of arid, dusty, useless land, and dig row after row of holes in the ground — a thousand latrines to serve four thousand families. Then they’d forcibly remove people from illegally occupying some white area and drop them off in the middle of nowhere with some pallets of plywood and corrugated iron. “Here. This is your new home. Build some houses. Good luck.” We’d watch it on the news. It was like some heartless, survival-based reality TV show, only nobody won any money.
汤姆是个话唠，特别好动，是一猛子向前冲的那种人。但他也是个绝对的骗子，总是想着怎么做个交易，绕个弯子。他能让别人去做任何事。他是个很棒的人，但同时又超级疯癫，也是一个彻头彻尾的骗人精。有一次我和他去哈曼斯克拉尔，那里是一处很像黑人家园的聚居区，但又与其他黑人家园不同。哈曼斯克拉尔是南非荷兰语，意思是哈曼的农场，这里曾是一个白人的农场。像文达、加赞库卢和特兰斯凯那样真正的黑人家园，都是以前黑人真正居住的地方，然后政府过来划了一条边界说：“你们就待在里面不要出来了。”但像哈曼斯克拉尔这样的地方，以前是地图上的空白区域，什么都没有，只是把黑人输送进来，让他们在这里安家。政府就是这么做的。他们会找那种荒芜贫瘠、尘土飞扬的无用之地，在地上挖出一排一排的洞——给四千户家庭准备的一千个公共厕所。接着，他们强制性地将一群非法居住在白人地盘上的黑人，运送到这片鸟不拉屎的地方，丢给他们一堆胶合板和波状钢：“这里，就是你们的新家了。开始造房子吧。祝你们好运。”我曾在新闻里看过这样的事，就好像那种《荒野生存》真人秀，只不过毫无人性，而且没人能赢得奖金。
The talent show was in this little community hall attached to nothing in the middle of nowhere. When we got there, Tom was going around, shaking hands, chatting with everybody. There was singing, dancing, some poetry. Then the host got up onstage and said, ‘Re na le modiragatsi yo o kgethegileng. Ka kopo amogelang… Spliff Star!” “We’ve got a special performer, a rapper all the way from America. Please welcome… Spliff Star!”
才艺表演在一个前不着村后不着店的社区礼堂举行。我们到了那边后，汤姆开始四处游走社交，和人握手，与在场的每个人聊天。表演节目包括唱歌、跳舞，还有诗朗诵。这时，主持人走上台说：“Re na le modiragatsi yo o kgethegileng. Ka kopo amogelang… Spliff Star！”——我们迎来了一位特殊的表演嘉宾，从美国远道而来的说唱歌手。请欢迎…斯普利福·斯达[7]！
One afternoon in Hammanskraal, Tom told me we were going to see a talent show. At the time, I had a pair of Timberland boots I’d bought. They were the only decent piece of clothing I owned. Back then, almost no one in South Africa had Timberlands. They were impossible to get, but everyone wanted them because American rappers wore them. I’d scrimped and saved my tuck-shop money and my CD money to buy them. As we were leaving, Tom told me, “Be sure to wear your Timberlands.”
在哈曼斯克拉尔的那天下午，汤姆跟我说要去看一场才艺表演。那个时候，我有一双新买的添柏岚鞋。那是我全身上下唯一的值钱大件儿。那个时候，南非人人都想有一双添柏岚，因为美国说唱歌手都会穿这个牌子的鞋，但几乎没人有，因为买不到。我节衣缩食，省下小卖部和CD的收入买了一双。汤姆和我准备出发的时候，他对我说：“别忘了穿上你的添柏岚。”
Spliff Star was Busta Rhymes’s hype man at the time. I sat there, confused. What? Spliff Star? In Hammanskraal? Then everyone in the room turned and looked at me. Tom walked over and whispered in my ear.
斯普利福·斯达当时是布斯塔·莱姆斯的说唱伴唱。我坐在原地，非常困惑。啥？斯普利福·斯达？来哈曼斯克拉尔了？这时，礼堂内的所有人都转过头来望着我。汤姆走过来，在我耳边轻声说。
“Money? What money?”
“钱？什么钱？”
“It doesn’t matter. These people don’t speak English.”
“没关系的，这里的人都不会说英文。”
“Dude, what are you talking about?”
“老兄，你在说什么？”
“What?”
“什么？”
“Screw you,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“去你的吧，”我说，“我哪儿也不去。”
“Just rap Busta Rhymes songs.”
“你就唱布斯塔·莱姆斯的歌就行了。”
I got up onstage and Tom did some terrible beat-boxing –“Bff ba-dff, bff bff ba-dff”– while I stumbled through some Busta Rhymes lyrics that I made up as I went along. The audience erupted with cheers and applause. An American rapper had come to Hammanskraal, and it was the most epic thing they had ever seen.
我起身上了台，汤姆在旁边配合了极其糟糕的B-BOX——“噗吧嗒噗，噗噗吧嗒噗”——而我则瞎编乱造了一堆布斯塔·莱姆斯的歌词，结结巴巴地唱完了。观众爆发出震天的欢呼和掌声。一位美国说唱歌手来到了哈曼斯卡拉尔。这是他们一生中见过的最激动人心的时刻。
“Dude, please, you’re gonna get me in so much shit. They’ve already paid me the money.”
“老兄，求你了，你这样我会有麻烦的。他们已经付给我钱了。”
“Dude, I’m not Spliff Star. What am I gonna do?!”
“老兄，我真不是斯普利福·斯达，你叫我咋办？！”
“Please, dude, I’m begging you. Please do me this favor. Please. There’s this girl here, and I wanna get with her, and I told her I know all these rappers… Please. I’m begging you.”
“求你了，老兄，我求求你了。帮帮我这个忙吧。求你了，这里有个姑娘，我想追她，我跟她说我哪个说唱歌手都认识…求你了，我求求你了。”
Of course, what Tom had failed to tell me was that he’d told these people he was bringing a famous rapper from America to come and rap in their talent show. He had demanded to be paid up front for doing so, and I, in my Timberlands, was that famous American rapper.
当然了，汤姆没有告诉我，他跟这些人说，他会从美国邀请一位著名说唱歌手来这里表演，但他要求他们钱款预付。而穿着添柏岚的我，就是那个著名美国说唱歌手。
“But I don’t know any of the lyrics.”
“我完全不记得歌词。”
“Come onstage.”
“上台去。”
“Aw, fuck.”
“呃，妈的。”
“Dude, come up onstage.”
“老兄，上台啊。”
“Okay, I’m going to find you a date. She’s going to be the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen, and you’re going to take her to the matric dance and you’re going to be a superstar.”
“好了，我会帮你找个约会对象。她将是你这辈子见过的最美的女孩，你将带她去舞会，你将变成全场瞩目的超级明星。”
“Yes, I can. Let’s make a deal.”
“我能找到。我们来做个交易。”
The dance was still two months away. I promptly forgot about Tom and his ridiculous deal. Then he came over to my house one afternoon and popped his head into my room.
当时离舞会还有两个月，后来我就把这个荒谬的约定抛在了脑后。直到有天下午，他突然跑到我家来，在我房间门口探着头说：
“But do we have a deal?”
“但我们是不是约好了？”
“I don’t want one of your deals, Tom.”
“我不想和你做任何交易，汤姆。”
“No, you can’t.”
“扯呢，你找不到的。”
One afternoon Tom came by my house and we started talking about the dance. I told him I didn’t have a date, couldn’t get a date, and wasn’t going to get a date.
有天下午，汤姆来到我家，我们讨论了一下舞会的事。我对汤姆说，我没有约会对象，我找不到约会对象，而且我也不可能找到对象。
“Do we have a deal?”
“我们是不是约好了？”
“We have a deal, but it’s not going to happen.”
“我们约好了，但是这不可能发生。”
So that’s Tom.
汤姆就是这种人。
“No, listen, here’s the deal. If you give me a better cut on the CDs I’m selling, plus a bunch of free music for myself, I’ll come back with the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen in your life, and she’ll be your date for the dance.”
“不，听着。交易是这样的。如果我卖出的每一张CD都能得到更高的佣金，而且我能拿到一些免费音乐的话，就给你带来一个你这辈子见过的最美的姑娘，她将会是你带去参加舞会的约会对象。”
“I can get you a girl to go with you to the dance,” he said.
“我可以帮你找一个陪你去舞会的姑娘。”他说。
“It’s a deal.”
“是约好了。”
“Okay, I’ll take that deal because it’s never going to happen.”
“好吧，成交，反正这完全不可能实现。”
“Really?”
“真的？”
“I found the girl.”
“我找到那个女孩了。”
I knew Tom was full of shit, but the thing that makes a con man successful is that he never gives you nothing. He delivers just enough to keep you believing. Tom had introduced me to many beautiful women. He was never dating them, but he talked a good game, and was always around them. So when he said he had a girl, I didn’t doubt him. The two of us jumped on a bus and headed into the city.
我知道汤姆满嘴跑火车，但是骗子之所以能成功，也是因为他从来不会空手来见你。他会给你提供足够多的好处，让你继续相信他。汤姆总是介绍各种漂亮姑娘给我认识，虽然他从来不和她们约会，但是他凭着油嘴滑舌，总是能在她们周围打转。所以他说他找到那个女孩时，我并没有怀疑他。我们俩跳上公交车，向城里进发了。
“Yeah. You have to come and meet her.”
“是的。你得来和她见个面。”
The girl lived in a run-down block of flats downtown. We found her building, and a girl leaned over the balcony and waved us inside. That was the girl’s sister Lerato, Tom said. Come to find out, he’d been trying to get with Lerato, and setting me up with the sister was his way in — of course, Tom was working an angle.
那女孩住在市中心的一栋破旧公寓楼里。我们找到了她的楼，有个女孩从阳台上探出半个身子，招手让我们进去。她是那个女孩的妹妹勒拉朵，汤姆解释说。后来我才发现，原来他一直想约勒拉朵，而把我介绍给她姐姐，则包含在了他的计划之内——当然了，汤姆最擅长绕弯子。
It was dark in the lobby. The elevator was busted, so we walked up several flights. This girl Lerato brought us into the flat. In the living room was this giant, but I mean really, really enormous, fat woman. I was like, Oh, Tom. I see what you’ve done here. Nicely played. Tom was a big joker as well.
走廊很黑，电梯也坏了，我们走楼梯上去。勒拉朵把我们带进一个公寓里，在客厅里，坐着一个巨大的——我是说真的——巨型的胖女人。我当下就明白了，哦，汤姆，我知道你在想什么了，干得不错。对了，汤姆还是个超级会开玩笑的家伙。
“Is this my date?” I asked.
“这就是我的约会对象？”我问道。
We waited, chatted with the older sister. Ten minutes later the door opened and the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life walked in. She was… good Lord. Beautiful eyes, beautiful golden yellow-brown skin. It was like she glowed. No girl at my high school looked anything like her.
我们一边等，一边和那位大姐聊天。十分钟后，门开了，我这辈子见过的最美丽的女孩走了进来。她简直…我的天。美丽的眼睛，美丽的散发着金色光泽的黄棕色皮肤。她简直在闪闪发光。在我的高中，没有一个女孩长得像她这样。
“Hi,” she said.
“嗨。”她说。
I was dumbfounded. I had no idea how to talk to a girl that beautiful. She was shy and didn’t speak much, either. There was a bit of an awkward pause. Luckily Tom’s a guy who just talks and talks. He jumped right in and smoothed everything over. “Trevor, this is Babiki. Babiki, Trevor.” He went on and on about how great I was, how much she was looking forward to the dance, when I would pick her up for the dance, all the details. We hung out for a few, and then Tom needed to get going so we headed out the door. Babiki turned and smiled at me and waved as we left.
我目瞪口呆。我不知道怎么和这么漂亮的女孩聊天。她很害羞，也不怎么说话，房间里出现了尴尬的沉默。幸亏汤姆是个话唠。他立刻跳出来，缓和了当时的尴尬氛围：“特雷弗，这是芭比姬。芭比姬，这是特雷弗。”然后他开始夸我有多好，她有多想和我去舞会，我什么时候可以来接她去舞会，所有细节都说了。我们又在一起玩了一会儿，汤姆说该走了，我们就一起向门口走去。我们出门时，芭比姬转过身，向我微笑着挥了挥手。
“Hi,” I replied.
“嗨。”我回道。
“No, no, no,” he said. “This is not your date. This is her older sister. Your date is Babiki. Babiki has three older sisters, and Lerato is her younger sister. Babiki’s gone to the store to buy groceries. She’ll be back in a moment.”
“不不不，”他说，“这不是你的约会对象。这是她大姐。你的约会对象叫芭比姬。芭比姬有三个姐姐，勒拉朵是她的小妹妹。芭比姬去商店买东西了，一会儿就回来。”
“Bye.”
“拜。”
We walked out of that building and I was the happiest man on earth. I couldn’t believe it. I was the guy at school who couldn’t get a date. I’d resigned myself to never getting a date, didn’t consider myself worthy of having a date. But now I was going to the matric dance with the most beautiful girl in the world.
走出那栋楼时，我已经成了世界上最快乐的男人。我简直不能相信。我可是学校里那个找不到约会对象的家伙啊。我已经默认自己永远不会有对象了，我觉得自己配不上和别人约会。但是现在，我却要和世界上最美的女孩一起去参加舞会。
“Bye.”
“拜。”
Over the following weeks we went down to Hillbrow a few more times to hang out with Babiki and her sisters and her friends. Babiki’s family was Pedi, one of South Africa’s smaller tribes. I liked getting to know people of different backgrounds, so that was fun. Babiki and her friends were what we call amabhujua. They’re as poor as most other black people, but they try to act like they’re not. They dress fashionably and act rich. Amabhujua will put a shirt on layaway, one shirt, and spend seven months paying it off. They’ll live in shacks wearing Italian leather shoes that cost thousands. An interesting crowd.
接下来的几周，我们又去了几次希尔布洛，找芭比姬和她的姐姐以及朋友们一起玩。芭比姬的家庭是佩迪人，属于南非的小部落。我喜欢认识不同背景的人，觉得这样很有趣。我们管芭比姬和她朋友这类人叫阿马布华。他们和其他黑人一样穷，但是他们试图表现出来他们并不穷。他们会打扮得入时，装出很有钱的样子。阿马布华会在一件衬衫上分期付款，就买一件衬衫，分期七个月付清。他们住在棚户区里，却要穿着价值上千的意大利皮鞋。他们是个很有趣的族群。
Babiki and I never went on a date alone. It was always the two of us in a group. She was shy, and I was a nervous wreck most of the time, but we had fun. Tom kept everyone loose and having a good time. Whenever we’d say goodbye, Babiki would give me a hug, and once she even gave me a little kiss. I was in heaven. I was like, Yeah, I’ve got a girlfriend. Cool.
芭比姬和我从来没有单独约会过。我们俩总是和一群人待在一起。而且我全程都紧张到神经衰弱，但是我们相处很愉快。汤姆很会让所有人放松下来，玩得开心。每次我们相互道别时，芭比姬都会拥抱我，有一次她甚至给了我一个轻轻的吻，我简直要上天了。我心里想着，耶，我有女朋友了，太酷了。
“Please, please, can I use the BMW?”
“求你了，求你了，我可以借那辆宝马吗？”
There was a red Mazda that we’d had for a while, a complete piece of shit but it worked well enough. I’d borrowed it before, but the car I really wanted was Abel’s BMW. It was old and beat-up like the Mazda, but a shit BMW is still a BMW. I begged him to let me take it.
那时我们已经有了一辆红色的马自达，虽然完全是一坨垃圾，但是能开。我以前借过，可我现在想要的是亚伯的宝马。虽然车很旧，而且和那辆马自达一样破，但是再烂的宝马也是宝马。我求亚伯，让我开那辆宝马去。
As the dance approached, I started getting nervous. I didn’t have a car. I didn’t have any decent clothes. This was my first time taking out a beautiful girl, and I wanted it to be perfect.
随着舞会临近，我也越来越紧张。我没有车。我没有得体的衣服。这是我第一次带着漂亮女孩亮相，我希望一切都很完美。
We’d moved to Highlands North when my stepfather’s garage went out of business, and he moved his workshop to the house. We had a big yard and a garage in the back, and that became his new workshop, essentially. At any given time, we had at least ten or fifteen cars in the driveway, in the yard, and out on the street, clients’ cars being worked on and old junkers Abel kept around to tinker with. One afternoon Tom and I were at the house. Tom was telling Abel about my date, and Abel decided to be generous. He said I could take a car for the dance.
我继父的汽车修理厂倒闭后，我们搬去了高地北，并且把他的修理厂搬进了家里。我们有一个大院子，后面有个车库，这就是他的新工作间。不论何时，我们家的车道上都停着至少十到十五辆车，院子里，街道上，不光有客户待修的车，还有亚伯自己收来修补的报废车。有一天下午，汤姆来我家玩，他告诉亚伯说，我有约会对象了。亚伯决定慷慨地对待我一次，说我可以挑一辆车开去舞会。
“You can take the BMW.”
“你开宝马去吧。”
“No. You can take the Mazda.”
“不行。你可以开马自达去。”
We went to Babiki’s flat, told her my parents wanted to meet her, and brought her back to my house. Then we brought her around to the garage in the back where Abel and his guys were working. Tom and I went over and introduced them.
我们来到芭比姬的公寓，跟她说我父母想要见她，把她带回了我家。然后我们带她来到后院的车库，亚伯和他的手下正在干活。汤姆和我走了过去，介绍他们认识。
“Bra Abie,” he said. “I don’t think you understand. If you saw the girl Trevor is taking to the dance, you would see why this is so important. Let’s make a deal. If we bring her here and she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen in your life, you’ll let him take the BMW.”
“亚伯大哥，”他说，“我想你还不明白。要是你见到特雷弗要带去舞会的姑娘，你就知道为什么这辆车事关重大了。我们来做个交易吧。如果我们把她带来，而她是你这辈子见过的最美丽的女孩，你就把宝马车借给特雷弗。”
“No.”
“不行。”
Tom, always the hustler and the dealmaker, stepped in.
这时，汤姆这个特别会做交易的骗人精上线了。
“Nice to meet you,” he said.
“很高兴见到你。”他说。
“Abel, this is Babiki. Babiki, this is Abel.”
“亚伯，这是芭比姬。芭比姬，这是亚伯。”
“Please. This is the greatest moment in my life. Please. I’m begging you.”
“求你了，这是我一生中最重要的时刻。我求求你了。”
“Not a fucking chance.”
“绝对没门儿。”
“Okay. Deal.”
“好吧，成交。”
Abel smiled big, was charming as always.
亚伯脸上露出了大大的微笑，和往常一样富有魅力。
“Is that the girl?”
“这就是那姑娘？”
Abel thought about it.
亚伯想了一会儿。
“Yes.”
“是的。”
“Please.”
“求你了。”
They chatted for a few minutes. Tom and Babiki left. Abel turned to me.
他们聊了几分钟后，汤姆和芭比姬离开了，亚伯转过头对我说。
Once I had the car, I desperately needed something to wear. I was taking out this girl who was really into fashion, and, except for my Timberlands, everything I owned was shit. I was limited in my wardrobe choices because I was stuck buying in the shops my mother let me go to, and my mother did not believe in spending money on clothes. She’d take me to some bargain clothing store and tell me what our budget was, and I’d have to find something to wear.
车到手了，现在我急需的是得体的衣服。我要带的女伴很懂时尚，而我，除了脚上那双添柏岚，其他所有衣服都是一坨屎。我的衣柜里能挑出来的衣服寥寥无几，因为我只能在我妈带我去的那些商店买衣服，而她从来都不觉得应该在买衣服上花什么钱，所以只会带我去二手店，告诉我预算多少，我再从里面挑。
Bongani, the other middleman from my CD business, found out I had a date, and he made it his mission to give me a makeover. “You need to up your game,” he said. “You cannot go to the dance looking the way you look — for her sake, not yours. Let’s go shopping.”
我的另一个CD生意中间商邦哈尼得知我有约会对象后，自告奋勇要帮我改造形象。“你得好好捯饬捯饬，”他说，“可不能穿平时那些衣服去参加舞会——这是为了那个姑娘，不是为了你。我们去逛商场吧。”
At the time I had no clue about clothes. My idea of fashion was a brand of clothing called Powerhouse. It was the kind of stuff weight lifters wear down in Miami or out at Venice Beach, baggy track pants with baggy sweatshirts. The logo was a cartoon of this giant bodybuilding bulldog wearing wraparound sunglasses and smoking a cigar and flexing his muscles. On the pants he was flexing all the way down your leg. On the shirt he was flexing across your chest. On the underwear, he was flexing on your crotch. I thought Powerhouse was the baddest thing in the world, I can’t even front. I had no friends, I loved dogs, and muscles were cool — that’s where I was working from. I had Powerhouse everything, the full range, five of the same outfit in five different colors. It was easy. The pants came with the top, so I knew how to make it work.
那时我对衣着没有任何头绪。我脑中的时尚就是一个叫宝力豪的牌子，就是那种举重运动员在迈阿密或者威尼斯海滩上会穿的衣服，松松垮垮的运动裤和松松垮垮的毛衫。这个牌子的标志是一只精壮的斗牛犬，戴着弧形太阳镜，抽着雪茄，展示着自己发达的肌肉。在裤子上，这个图标占了整条腿，在T恤上，则横跨整个胸口，而在内裤上，它占满了整个胯。我觉得宝力豪是世界上最酷的东西了，不容反驳。我没有朋友，我喜欢狗，而且肌肉很酷——这就是我的逻辑。我有宝力豪的全套行头，五件相同的款式，只是颜色不同。这样很简单。裤子和上衣搭配，我知道该怎么穿。
I went to my mom and begged her to give me money to buy something to wear for the dance. She finally relented and gave me 2,000 rand, for one outfit. It was the most money she’d ever given me for anything in my life. I told Bongani how much I had to spend, and he said we’d make it work. The trick to looking rich, he told me, is to have one expensive item, and for the rest of the things you get basic, good-looking quality stuff. The nice item will draw everyone’s eye, and it’ll look like you’ve spent more than you have.
我去找我妈，求她给我钱，让我买舞会的行头。她最终给了我2000兰特买衣服。这是我长这么大以来，她给过我的数额最高的一笔零花钱。我告诉了邦哈尼我的预算，他说可以。他告诉我，想要看起来有钱，只需要买一件很贵的单品，剩下的买基本款，看起来质量好就行。那件很贵的单品，会吸引所有人的眼球，让你看上去好像花了很多钱，虽然实际上可能没多少。
In my mind nothing was cooler than the leather coats everybody wore in The Matrix. The Matrix came out while I was in high school and it was my favorite movie at the time. I loved Neo. In my heart I knew: I am Neo. He’s a nerd. He’s useless at everything, but secretly he’s a badass superhero. All I needed was a bald, mysterious black man to come into my life and show me the way. Now I had Bongani, black, head shaved, telling me, “You can do it. You’re the one.” And I was like, “Yes. I knew it.”
在我脑海中，没有比《黑客帝国》里面那些人穿的皮夹克更酷的衣服了。《黑客帝国》上映时，我正在念高中，是我当时最喜欢的电影。我超喜欢尼奥，而且心里觉得：我就是尼奥。他是个呆子，什么都不擅长，但背地里却是个牛哄哄的超级英雄。我的生活里就差一位神秘的光头黑衣人把我带上道，而现在，我身旁有了邦哈尼——他是黑人，还剃光了头。他告诉我：“你可以的。你就是那个天选之人。”我说：“是啊，我早知道了。”
“We need to fix that fucking hair,” Bongani said.
“我们得好好弄一下你的头发。”邦哈尼说。
Once we had the outfit, Bongani took a long look at my enormous Afro. I was forever trying to get the perfect 1970s Michael Jackson Afro. What I had was more Buckwheat: unruly and impossible to comb, like stabbing a pitchfork into a bed of crabgrass.
全套配好之后，邦哈尼对着我那巨大的圆形爆炸头凝视了很久。我之前一直努力想留成迈克尔·杰克逊在20世纪70年代时那种圆形爆炸头，但相比之下，我的模仿堪称拙劣：一头乱草，梳都梳不动，一梳下去就像一把耙子插进了马康草里。
I told Bongani I wanted a leather coat like Keanu Reeves wore, the ankle-length black one. Bongani shut that down. “No, that’s not practical. It’s cool, but you’ll never be able to wear it again.” He took me shopping and we bought a calf-length black leather jacket, which would look ridiculous today but at the time, thanks to Neo, was very cool. That alone cost 1,200 rand. Then we finished the outfit with a pair of simple black pants, suede square-toed shoes, and a cream-white knitted sweater.
我告诉邦哈尼，我想买一件基努·里维斯那种到脚踝的黑色皮大衣，但被他否决了。“不行，太不实用。的确很酷，但你以后没有其他机会再穿。”于是，我们就在逛街时，买了一件长到小腿的黑色皮衣，这件衣服放到今天来看特别可笑，但当时，由于尼奥的缘故，简直酷毙了。光一件衣服就花了我1200兰特。然后，我们又挑了一条简单的黑裤子、一双羊皮方头鞋，还有一件奶白色的针织毛衣。
“No, we have to do something.”
“不，我们必须得好好整整。”
Bongani lived in Alexandra. He dragged me there, and we went to talk to some girls from his street who were hanging out on the corner.
邦哈尼住在亚历山德拉，他把我拖过去，在那边街道上找了几个正在角落里玩耍的女孩，走过去和她们搭话。
“What do you mean?” I said. “This is just my hair.”
“什么意思？”我问道，“我头发就是这样。”
“You have to relax it. I don’t do that here.”
“你得先软化这头乱毛。我这做不了。”
Bongani dragged me to a second salon. I sat down in the chair, and the woman took my hair and started painting this creamy white stuff in it. She was wearing rubber gloves to keep this chemical relaxer off her own skin, which should have been my first clue that maybe this wasn’t such a great idea. Once my hair was full of the relaxer, she told me, “You have to try to keep it in for as long as possible. It’s going to start burning. When it starts burning, tell me and we’ll rinse it out. But the longer you can handle it, the straighter your hair will become.”
邦哈尼又把我拖到第二家美发店。我坐在椅子上，那里的女人开始往我的头发上抹白色奶油一样的东西。她的手上戴着橡胶手套，生怕皮肤沾上这种化学软化剂，其实我当时就应该意识到，事情好像不太妙了。我的头发上覆满软化剂后，她告诉我：“你让它在头发上留得越久，效果就会越好，到时候会有一种灼烧感。一旦你感觉到它在烧了，就告诉我，我们再把它洗掉。但是只要你坚持越久，你的头发就会变得越直。”
I said, “What? Cornrows? No!”
我说：“什么？玉米穗编发？不要！”
The girls looked me over.
那些女孩望向我。
“Shit, yeah,” they said. “That’s great!”
“对哎，”其他人纷纷说道，“这主意太棒了！”
Bongani dragged me to a hair salon down the street. We went in and sat down. The woman touched my hair, shook her head, and turned to Bongani.
邦哈尼把我拖进了街角的一家美发店。我们走进去后，找地方坐下来。美发店的女人摸了摸我的头发，摇摇头，转向邦哈尼。
“Okay.”
“好的。”
“No, no,” they said. “Do it.”
“没事没事，”她们说，“试试吧。”
“What do we need to do?”
“怎么处理？”
“He has so much,” one of them said. “Why doesn’t he cornrow it?”
“他头发太多了，”其中一个女孩开口说道，“为什么他不去试试玉米穗编发？”
“What would you do with this guy’s hair?” he asked them.
“你觉得这个家伙的头发应该怎么办？”他问道。
“I can’t work with this sheep,” she said. “You have to do something about this.”
“这头绵羊我可没办法弄，”她说，“你的头发得处理一下。”
She’d told me to tell her when it started burning. She should have told me to tell her when it started tingling, because by the time it was actually burning it had already taken off several layers of my scalp. I was well past tingling when I started to freak out. “It’s burning! It’s burning!” She rushed me over to the sink and started to rinse the relaxer out. What I didn’t know is that the chemical doesn’t really start to burn until it’s being rinsed out. I felt like someone was pouring liquid fire onto my head. When she was done I had patches of acid burns all over my scalp.
她跟我说，一旦感觉到灼烧就立刻告诉她，但是她其实应该说的是，一旦有了麻刺感就告诉她，因为等我真正感觉到灼烧的时候，药水已经侵蚀掉我的头皮了。早已经不是麻刺感时，我才开始慌乱起来。“烧了！烧了！”她带着我冲向洗手池，开始冲洗软化剂。但是我没料到的是，这种化学试剂碰到水之后，才真正开始灼烧。那感觉就像有人在我的头上浇下了液态的火。她洗完后，我的头皮上已经布满了一小块一小块的灼烧疤痕。
I wanted to do it right, so I sat in the chair and waited and waited for as long as I could.
我想要谨遵指示，于是我坐在椅子里等啊等啊，能等多久我就等多久。
I waited too long.
但是我等太久了。
I was the only man in the salon; it was all women. It was a window into what women experience to look good on a regular basis. Why would they ever do this?, I thought. This is horrible. But it worked. My hair was completely straight. The woman combed it back, and I looked like a pimp, a pimp named Slickback.
我是那家美发店唯一的男性顾客，其他全是女人。而我也终于体验了一次女性为了变美，每天都要付出怎样的代价。但为什么她们要这样对自己？我心想，太恐怖了。不过效果确实有。我的头发完全变直了。美发师把我的头发向后梳齐后，我看上去就像一个皮条客，外号复古背头。
Bongani then dragged me back to the first salon, and the woman agreed to cornrow my hair. She worked slowly. It took six hours. Finally she said, “Okay, you can look in the mirror.” She turned me around in the chair and I looked in the mirror and… I had never seen myself like that before. It was like the makeover scenes in my American movies, where they take the dorky guy or girl, fix the hair and change the clothes, and the ugly duckling becomes the swan. I’d been so convinced I’d never get a date that I never tried to look nice for a girl, so I didn’t know that I could. The hair was good. My skin wasn’t perfect, but it was getting better; the pustules had receded into regular pimples. I looked… not bad.
邦哈尼又把我拖回第一家美发店，这时，那个女人才同意帮我做玉米穗编发。她编得很慢，大概编了6个小时后，她才说：“好了，照一下镜子。”她把我的椅子向后转了一下，我望向镜子，然后…我从未见过这样的自己。就好像那种美国电影里的化妆桥段，他们把一个土包子男主角或者女主角的发型改了，衣服换了之后，丑小鸭就变成了天鹅。我之前觉得我完全约不到女生，所以也完全没想过要改变自己的外形。我都没想到我的外表也可以改变。头发很棒，皮肤还不够完美，但是慢慢在变好，那些脓疱已经逐渐淡化成了普通的青春痘。我看起来…还不差嘛。
I went home, and my mom squealed when I walked in the door.
我的脚一踏进家门，我妈就开始尖叫。
“What? No. Why would you say that?”
“什么？不是。你怎么会这么说？”
“Ooooooh! They turned my baby boy into a pretty little girl! I’ve got a little girl! You’re so pretty!”
“啊啊啊啊啊！他们把我的宝贝儿子变成了可爱的小姑娘！我有了一个可爱的小女儿！你好漂亮呀！”
The big night finally came. Tom came over to help me get ready. The hair, the clothes, everything came together perfectly. Once I was set, we went to Abel to get the keys to the BMW, and that was the moment the whole night started to go wrong.
日子终于来了。汤姆提前过来帮我准备。头发、衣服，所有的细节都很完美。等我打扮好以后，我们一起去找亚伯拿到宝马的车钥匙，但从那一刻开始，那个夜晚就开始出问题了。
“Is this the way you’re telling me that you’re gay?”
“你是在向我出柜吗？”
“Ah, you look nice!” he said with a big smile, looking me over. “Where are you going?”
“啊，你看起来很不错嘛。”他上下打量着我，一边说一边露出灿烂的微笑。“你要去哪儿啊？”
“You know it’s okay if you are.”
“要知道，就算你是同志，也没关系的哟。”
“It’s very well done,” she said, “but it is way too pretty. You do look like a girl.”
“做得很棒，”她说，“就是有点儿太漂亮了。你看上去完全就是个女孩子。”
Everyone in my family loved it. They all thought it looked great. My mom did tease the shit out of me, though.
家里的每个人都很喜欢我的新造型，觉得我看上去很帅。只有我妈一直在旁边大肆嘲笑我。
“Mom! C’mon. Stop it.”
“妈！你够了，别说了。”
It was a Saturday night, end of the week, which meant Abel was drinking with his workers. I walked out to his garage, and as soon as I saw his eyes I knew: He was wasted. Fuck. When Abel was drunk he was a completely different person.
那天是周六，一周的末尾，这意味着亚伯要和他的工人们喝酒。我走进他的工作间后，一看他的眼睛就明白了：他已烂醉如泥。他妈的。亚伯醉了后，会完全变成另一个人。
“No, Mom. I’m not gay.”
“不，妈妈，我不是同志。”
“Um… can I get the keys?”
“呃…我能借钥匙吗？”
“What do you mean ‘no’?”
“不行是什么意思？”
“First go buy me some beers,” he said.
“先去帮我买些啤酒来。”他说。
“The keys to what?”
“什么钥匙？”
“Nope.”
“没门儿。”
“No.”
“不行。”
He gave me his car keys; Tom and I drove to the liquor store. I bought Abel a few cases of beer, drove back, and unloaded it for him.
他给了我车钥匙，汤姆和我开车去了酒铺，买了几件啤酒，又开回来，把酒送到他面前。
“The BMW. You promised I could drive the BMW to the dance.”
“宝马。你答应我可以借我宝马去参加舞会。”
“I mean ‘no.’ I need my car tonight.”
“不行的意思是，不行。今晚我要用车。”
“Where am I — Abie, I’m going to the dance.”
“我要去哪儿——亚伯，我要去舞会。”
“Yeah, but I need the car.”
“是的，但是我要用这台车。”
“What car?”
“哪辆车？”
She was even more gorgeous than before, in an amazing red dress, but she was clearly not in a great mood. Inside I was quietly starting to panic, but I smiled and kept trying my gentlemanly best to be a good date, holding the door for her, telling her how beautiful she was. Tom and the sister gave us a send-off and we headed out.
她比平时还要光彩夺目，穿着一条极美的红裙子，但很显然，她的心情很差。我内心开始惶恐不安，不过表面上还是微笑着，努力装出绅士的样子，帮她开车门，跟她说她有多美。汤姆和她的姐妹向我们道别后，我们出发了。
Finally we realized it wasn’t going to happen. We took the shitty Mazda and drove to Babiki’s house. I was an hour late picking her up. She was completely pissed off. Tom had to go in and convince her to come out, and eventually she did.
最终我们意识到，没戏了。我们只好开着那辆破烂的马自达，去了芭比姬的家。但到的时候，已经比我原定接她的时间晚了一个小时，她特别生气。汤姆不得不走进屋去劝她。最后，她出来了。
“Okay. Have fun.”
“好啊。祝你玩得开心。”
“No.”
“不行。”
“But you promised. You said I could take it.”
“但你答应过我。你说过我可以用车的。”
I was crushed. I sat there with Tom and begged him for close to half an hour.
我崩溃了。我和汤姆坐在那儿跟他软磨硬泡了将近半个小时。
“Please.”
“求求你。”
“Okay,” I said, “can I take the BMW now?”
“好了，”我说，“现在我可以开走那台宝马了吗？”
“To the car.”
“车钥匙。”
“Please.”
“求你了。”
“No.”
“不。”
“Okay… but why?”
“好吧…不过为什么呀？”
“Are you ready?” I said. “Let’s go in.”
“准备好了吗？”我说，“我们进去吧。”
“No? What… what do you mean, ‘no’?”
“不？这…这是什么意思，‘不’？”
“No.”
“不。”
I finally figured out where I was and we made it to the dance, nearly two hours late. I parked, jumped out, and ran around to get her door. When I opened it, she just sat there.
终于，我找到了路，开到了舞会现场，但这时我们已经迟到了两个小时。我停好车下来，跑到她那一侧打开门。但我打开车门后，她却坐在位子上一动不动。
I stood there for another twenty minutes, trying to convince her to come inside, but she kept saying “no.” She wouldn’t get out of the car.
我又在车门口站了大概20分钟，各种劝说她进去，但她一直在说，“不”。她就是不肯从车里出来。
“But we need to go inside. The dance is inside.”
“但是我们得进去啊。舞会在里面。”
“No.”
“不。”
“No.”
“不。”
Then I got lost. The dance was being held at some venue in a part of town I wasn’t familiar with, and at some point I got completely turned around and had no idea where I was. I drove around for an hour in the dark, going left, going right, doubling back. I was on my cellphone the whole time, desperately calling people, trying to figure out where I was, trying to get directions. Babiki sat next to me in stony silence the whole time, clearly not feeling me or this night at all. I was crashing hard. I was late. I didn’t know where I was going. I was the worst date she’d ever had in her life.
但接着，我迷路了。舞会的举办地在我不太熟悉的一片街区，有一段时间，我完全就是在胡乱转圈，根本不知道自己在哪里。我在黑暗中开了一个小时的车，向左，向右，掉头。全程我都在讲电话，绝望地向他人求救，试图搞清自己的位置，试图找到方向。而芭比姬坐在我的旁边，全程一言不发，很显然，她现在既不喜欢我，也不喜欢这个夜晚。我全搞砸了。我迟到了。我迷路了。我应该是她这辈子遇到的最差劲的约会对象。
I ran inside and found Bongani.
我冲进舞会找到邦哈尼。
We went back out to the parking lot. I took Bongani over to the car, and the second he saw her he lost it. “Jesus in Heaven! This is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You said she was beautiful, Trevor, but this is insane.” In an instant he completely forgot about helping me with Babiki. He turned and ran back inside and called to the guys. “Guys! You gotta come see this! Trevor got a date! And she’s beautiful! Guys! Come out here!”
我们来到停车场，我带着邦哈尼走到车前，当他看到她的那一刻他就惊了。“老天上帝啊！这是我见过的最美丽的姑娘。你说过她很漂亮，特雷弗，但这简直疯了。”那一刻他完全忘记了要帮我劝说芭比姬。他转身就跑回了舞会，叫出了其他男生。“伙计们！快出来看呐！特雷弗带了个姑娘！超级正点！伙计们！快来！”
“I’m here! But my date’s in the car and she won’t come in.”
“我一直在这！但是我的女孩一直坐在车里，她不肯进来。”
“What do you mean she won’t come in?”
“她不肯进来是什么意思？”
Finally, I said, “Okay, I’ll be right back.”
最后，我说：“好吧，我马上就回来。”
“I don’t know what’s going on. Please help me.”
“我也不知道怎么了。帮帮我。”
“Where have you been?” he said.
“你去哪儿了？”他问我。
Twenty guys came running out into the parking lot. They clustered around the car. “Yo, she’s so hot!” “Dude, this girl came with Trevor?” Guys were gawking at her like she was an animal at the zoo. They were asking to take pictures with her. They were calling back to more people inside. “This is insane! Look at Trevor’s date! No, no, no, you gotta come and see!”
大约20个男孩冲进了停车场。他们在我的车前挤作一团。“哟！她太正了！”“哥们儿，这姑娘和特雷弗来的？”那些男生呆呆地望着她，好像她是动物园里的珍稀动物。他们纷纷要求和她合影。他们还跑回舞会叫更多的人出来看。“这太疯狂了！快来看特雷弗的对象！不不不不不，你们得出来看！”
Babiki sat in the passenger seat, staring straight ahead, refusing to budge. I was outside the car, pacing, stressed out. A friend of mine had a bottle of brandy that he’d smuggled into the dance. “Here,” he said, “have some of this.” Nothing mattered at that point, so I started drinking. I’d fucked up. The girl didn’t like me. The night was done.
芭比姬坐在副驾位子上，目光直视前方，拒绝让步。我站在车外，左右踱步，精疲力竭。我的一个朋友偷偷带了一瓶白兰地来舞会。“给你，”他说，“喝点儿吧。”那一刻什么都不重要了，我开始喝酒。我搞砸了。这姑娘不喜欢我。这个夜晚结束了。
I was mortified. I’d spent four years of high school carefully avoiding any kind of romantic humiliation whatsoever, and now, on the night of the matric dance, the night of all nights, my humiliation had turned into a circus bigger than the event itself: Trevor the undatable clown thought he was going to have the most beautiful girl at the dance, but he’s crashing and burning so let’s all go outside and watch.
我极其窘迫。高中四年，我一直谨小慎微，避免在恋爱感情这方面出现任何丢脸的可能，但是现在，在这个毕业舞会的夜晚，所有夜晚都比不了的这个夜晚，我丢脸丢到了极致——我成了一个风头盖过舞会的马戏团本身：特雷弗，那个约不到女生的小丑，自以为他可以带着世界上最美的女孩来参加舞会，但是他彻底搞砸了一切，现在让我们出去好好欣赏他的窘态吧。
Most of the guys eventually wandered back inside. I was sitting on the pavement, taking swigs from the brandy bottle, getting buzzed. At some point Bongani went back over to the car to try one last time to convince Babiki to come in. After a minute his head popped up over the car with this confused look.
大多数男生都陆陆续续地回到了舞会里。我坐在人行道上，痛饮着白兰地，脑袋嗡嗡作响。这时邦哈尼又回到车里，最后一次尝试劝说芭比姬出来。一分钟后他的脑袋从车里伸出来，带着一脸困惑的表情。
Bongani looked at me.
邦哈尼望向我。
“Your date. She does not speak any English.”
“你对象。她不会说英语。”
“That’s not possible.”
“这不可能。”
“Of course I have — or, wait… have I?”
“我当然说过——等等…我说过吗？”
“I… I don’t know.”
“我…我不知道。”
“Yo, Trevor,” he said, “your date does not speak English.”
“哟，特雷弗，”他说。“你的对象不会说英语啊。”
“Have you never spoken to her?”
“你没和她说过话吗？”
“How did you not know that your date does not speak English?”
“你怎么会不知道你的对象不说英语啊？”
I got up and walked over to the car. I asked her a question in English and she gave me a blank stare.
我站起来，向车走过去。我用英语向她问了个问题，她两眼茫然地看着我。
“What?”
“什么？”
I started flashing back through all the times I’d been with Babiki, meeting at her flat, hanging out with her friends, introducing her to Abel. Did I talk to her then? No. Did I talk to her then? No. It was like the scene in Fight Club where Ed Norton’s character flashes back and realizes he and Brad Pitt have never been in the same room with Helena Bonham Carter at the same time. He realizes he’s been punching himself the whole time. He’s Tyler Durden. In all the excitement of meeting Babiki, the times we were hanging out and getting to know each other, we were never actually speaking to each other. It was always through Tom.
我开始回溯我和芭比姬相处的这段时光，在公寓初见，和她的朋友们玩，把她介绍给亚伯。我那时和她说话了吗？没有。我那时和她说话了吗？也没有。就好像《搏击俱乐部》的情节，爱德华·诺顿的角色记忆闪回，才发现他和布拉德·皮特两个人从来没有和海伦娜·伯翰·卡特同时出现在一个空间里过。他意识到一直以来他都在自己打自己。他就是泰勒·德登本人。在兴奋地遇到芭比姬之后，在我们一起出去玩、相互了解的过程中，我们从未真正和对方交谈过，完全通过汤姆在中间传话。
Babiki was so shy that she didn’t talk much to begin with, and I was so inept with women that I didn’t know how to talk to her. I’d never had a girlfriend; I didn’t even know what “girlfriend” meant. Someone put a beautiful woman on my arm and said, “She’s your girlfriend.” I’d been mesmerized by her beauty and just the idea of her — I didn’t know I was supposed to talk to her. The naked women on my computer, I’d never had to talk to them, ask them their opinions, ask them about their feelings. And I was afraid I’d open my mouth and ruin the whole thing, so I just nodded and smiled along and let Tom do the talking.
芭比姬太内向，她本身就不太说话，而我和女生交往起来太笨拙，不知道怎么和她说话。我从没有过女朋友，我不知道“女朋友”意味着什么。有人把一个漂亮女孩塞进我手里，说：“她是你女朋友了。”我就被她的美貌以及她是我女朋友这个事实迷得神魂颠倒了——我甚至没想过我应该和她聊天的。我电脑里藏的那些裸女，我从来不和她们聊天，询问她们的想法，揣摩她们的感受。我害怕我一张口就毁了整件事，所以我全程只是点头微笑，让汤姆来进行所有的对话。
Tom had promised he’d get me a beautiful date for the dance, but he hadn’t made any promises about any of her other qualities. Whenever we were together, she was speaking Pedi to Tom, and Tom was speaking English to me. But she didn’t speak English, and I didn’t speak Pedi. Abel spoke Pedi. He’d learned several South African languages in order to deal with his customers, so he’d spoken with her fluently when they met. But in that moment I realized I’d never actually heard her say anything in English other than: “Yes.” “No.” “Hi.” “Bye.” That’s it: “Yes.” “No.” “Hi.” “Bye.”
汤姆许诺我要给我找一个漂亮的舞会伴侣，但是他从未许诺我这个伴侣要满足什么其他的条件。每次我们出去玩，她都和汤姆说佩迪语，汤姆和我说英语。但是她不会说英语，我也不会说佩迪语。亚伯倒是会说佩迪语。他为了应付客户，学了好几种南非语言。直到那一刻我才意识到，我从未听到她说除了以下几个词以外的英语：“是”“不”“嗨”“拜”。就这么多：“是”“不”“嗨”“拜”。
Fucking Tom.
去他妈的汤姆。
All three of Babiki’s older sisters spoke English, and her younger sister Lerato spoke a little. So whenever we hung out with Babiki and her sisters and their friends, a lot of the conversation was in English. The rest of it was going right by me in Pedi or in Sotho, but that’s completely normal in South Africa so it never bothered me; I got enough of the gist of the conversation from everyone’s English to know what was going on. And the way my mind works with language, even when I’m hearing other languages, they get filtered into English as I’m hearing them. My mind stores them in English. When my grandmother and great-grandmother were hysterically praying to God to destroy the demon that had shit on their kitchen floor, all of that transpired in Xhosa, but it’s stored in English. I remember it as English. So whenever I lay in bed at night dreaming about Babiki and the moments we’d spent together, I felt like it had transpired in English because that’s how I remembered it. And Tom had never said anything about what language she spoke or didn’t speak, because why would he care? He just wanted to get his free CDs and get with the sister. Which is how I’d been dating a girl for over a month — the girl I very much believed was my first girlfriend — without ever having had a single conversation with her.
芭比姬的三个姐姐都会说英语，她的妹妹勒拉朵也会说一点儿。所以每次我们和芭比姬以及她的姐妹朋友出去玩的时候，大部分对话都是用英语进行的。偶尔会说一些佩迪语，梭托语，但这在南非太正常了，我从来不觉得有问题。我可以从大家说的英语部分中了解整段对话的大意，完全可以明白人们在聊什么。我的大脑就是这样处理语言的，哪怕我听到的是其他语言，它们在我这也会自动转为英语。我的大脑会将其保存为英语。当我的外婆和曾外婆歇斯底里地祈求上帝摧毁那个在家里地板上拉屎的魔鬼时，她们说的是科萨语，但我脑中储存下来的是英语。在记忆里，她们说的是英语。于是当我躺在床上想着芭比姬和我们一起相处的日子时，我感觉我们一直在用英语交流，因为我是这样记得的。汤姆从来没有提过她会说什么语言不会说什么语言，因为他怎么会在乎呢？他只想拿到免费的CD，和她的妹妹约会。我就是这样和一个女孩约会了一个月——我以为她是我的第一个女朋友——然而我跟她之间连一次简单对话都没有过。
Bongani and I stood outside the car, staring at each other. I didn’t know what to do. I tried talking to her in every language I knew. Nothing worked. She only spoke Pedi. I got so desperate that I started trying to talk to her using hand signals.
邦哈尼和我站在车外，彼此大眼瞪小眼。我不知道该怎么办。我开始试着用我会的所有语言和她交流，但都不管用。她只说佩迪语。我绝望了，开始用肢体语言和她比画起来。
Now the whole night came rushing back and I saw it from her point of view, and it was perfectly obvious to me why she didn’t want to get out of the car. She probably hadn’t wanted to go to the dance with me in the first place; she probably owed Tom a favor, and Tom can talk anyone into anything. Then I’d left her sitting and waiting for me for an hour and she was pissed off. Then she got into the car and it was the first time we had ever been alone, and she realized I couldn’t even hold a conversation with her. I’d driven her around and gotten lost in the dark — a young girl alone in a car in the middle of nowhere with some strange guy, no idea where I was taking her. She was probably terrified. Then we got to the dance and she didn’t speak anyone’s language. She didn’t know anyone. She didn’t even know me.
现在时间倒退，我从她的角度回溯这整件事，就完全理解为什么她不想从车里出来了。首先，她可能一开始就没想和我去舞会，她可能欠了汤姆一个人情，而汤姆可以说服任何人做任何事。然后是我让她在家里坐着等了我一个小时，她生气了。然后她上了我的车，这是我们第一次单独相处，她意识到我和她根本没法交流。我开着车转来转去，在黑夜里迷路——一个年轻姑娘和某个陌生家伙共处一车，迷失在荒无人烟的地方，不知道我要把她带到哪里去，她估计已经吓坏了。然后我们到了舞会，但是她又不会说其他人的语言。她谁也不认识。她连我也不认识。
“Inside. Dance. Please?”
“进去。跳舞。请？”
“No.”
“不。”
“Please. You. Me. Inside. Dance. Yes?”
“请。你。我。进去。跳舞。好吗？”
I asked Bongani if he spoke Pedi. He didn’t. I ran inside to the dance and ran around looking for someone who spoke Pedi to help me to convince her to come in. “Do you speak Pedi? Do you speak Pedi? Do you speak Pedi?” Nobody spoke Pedi.
我问邦哈尼他会不会说佩迪语。他不会。我跑进舞会，想找一个会说佩迪语的人帮我劝说她进来。“你会说佩迪语吗？你会说佩迪语吗？你会说佩迪语吗？”没人会说佩迪语。
“Bye.”
“拜。”
So I never got to go to my matric dance. Other than the three minutes I spent running through it looking for someone who spoke Pedi, I spent the whole night in the parking lot. When the dance ended, I climbed back into the shitty red Mazda and drove Babiki home. We sat in total awkward silence the whole way.
所以，我完全没有参加过高中毕业舞会。除了跑来跑去问谁会说佩迪语的那三分钟，其他时间我都是在停车场里度过的。舞会结束后，我开着那辆破烂马自达，送芭比姬回了家。全程我们俩都处于一种尴尬的沉默之中。
“No.”
“不。”
I pulled up in front of her block of flats in Hillbrow, stopped the car, and sat for a moment as I tried to figure out the polite and gentlemanly way to end the evening. Then, out of nowhere, she leaned over and gave me a kiss. Like, a real kiss, a proper kiss. The kind of kiss that made me forget that the whole disaster had just happened. I was so confused. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. She pulled back and I looked deep into her eyes and thought, I have no idea how girls work.
我把车开到她位于希尔布洛的公寓前停下后，坐了一会儿，想着怎么可以既礼貌又绅士地结束这个夜晚。突然，莫名其妙地，她探身朝我亲了过来。这是一个真正的吻，真真正正的吻。那种让我瞬间忘却今晚所有发生的一切的吻。我不知道该作何反应。她撤回身子，我深深地望着她的眼睛，心想，我完全不懂女生。
I got out of the car, walked around to her side, and opened her door. She gathered up her dress and stepped out and headed toward her flat, and as she turned to go I gave her one last little wave.
我从车里出来，走到她那一侧，打开车门。她整理好裙子，下了车，向公寓走去。在她走之前，我向她最后摆了摆手。
“Bye.”
“拜。”
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