She put out candlesticks and said, “Rick, can you load the dishes and run them? I’d like a chance to get cleaned up. After that you can change. And Bryce? What are you wearing?”
她拿出烛台然后说：“里克，你能装起所有的盘子把它们都移开吗？我想要有个机会都打扫干净。那之后你可以去换衣服。还有布莱斯？你要穿什么？”
We swept the floor, put an extra leaf in the table, brought in five more chairs, and set the table. We set it all wrong, of course, but all my mother had to do was shuffle things around to make it right. It looked the same to me, but what do I know?
我们扫了地板，翻开一个桌子的活动翻板，又拿了五把椅子，再摆了桌子。当然，我们都摆错了，但是我妈妈要做的就是拖着东西把它们换成对的。在我看来这都一样，但是我知道什么呢？
“Trina and I agreed on a dress-up, so –“
“崔娜和我同意要穿正装，所以——”
Realizing that my father had the same sense of humor as Garrett gave me the serious willies. I had the hardest time just looking at my dad, let alone speaking to him. But at about five o’clock Friday afternoon I agreed with him about one thing — we should’ve barbecued. A barbecue is more, you know, low-key. Instead, my mom was flying around the kitchen, slicing and dicing and barking orders at Dad and me like the president was coming to dinner.
发现我爸爸和加瑞特有同样的幽默感给了我严重的焦虑。我连看着我爸爸，和他单独谈话都很困难。但是在星期五下午大约五点的时候我和他达成了一个共识：我们应该吃烧烤。一个烧烤会更加，你知道，低调。相反，我妈妈正在厨房里飞来飞去，一边切菜一边给我和爸爸大声喊出各种命令，好像总理要来吃晚餐似的。
“Mom, it’s the Bakers. Are you trying to make them feel totally worthless?”
“妈妈，来的是贝克一家。你想让他们感觉一无是处吗？”
My dad put a hand on my shoulder and said, “So we can all feel equally uncomfortable, son.”
我爸爸把手搭在我肩上说：“所以我们都可以感觉同样地不舒服，儿子。”
“But why?”
“但是为什么？”
“No, but some sort of button-down instead of a T-shirt would be nice.”
“不用，但是带扣子的衣服代替T恤就很好。”
Twenty minutes later I still wasn’t dressed. And I was extremely ticked off about it because what did it matter? Why did I care what I looked like at this stupid dinner? I was acting like a girl.
二十分钟之后我还是没有穿上衣服。而我对此非常自责，因为这有什么关系呢？我为什么要在乎我在那个愚蠢的晚餐时穿得怎么样？我的行为就像个女孩似的。
Then through a gap in my curtains I saw them coming. Out their front door, down their walkway, across the street. It was like a weird dream. They seemed to be floating toward our house. All five of them.
然后透过窗帘的空隙我看见他们来了。出了前面，走向人行道，过了马路。这就像一个奇怪的梦。他们似乎在飘向我们的房子。他们五个人。
I pulled a shirt off my bed, punched my arms in, and buttoned up.
我从床上拉起一件衬衫，伸手进去，然后扣上扣子。
Two seconds later the doorbell rang and Mom called, “Can you get that, Bryce?”
两秒后门铃响了然后我妈妈喊道：“你能去开门吗，布莱斯？”
I went down to my room and ripped through my closet looking for something with buttons. There were lots of buttons, all right. Lots of geeky buttons. I thought about boycotting my mother’s dress-code requirements, but instead I started putting on shirts.
我去了我的房间然后扯开衣橱寻找带扣的衣服。那里有很多带扣的，一点儿不错。很多令人讨厌的扣子。我想到了抵制我妈妈的着装要求，但我还是开始穿衬衫。
Women. I looked at her and said, “Does that mean I have to wear a tie?”
女人。我看着他然后说：“这意思是我必须打领带？”
Luckily, Granddad beat me to it. He greeted them all like they were long-lost family and even seemed to know which one was Matt and which one was Mike. One was wearing a purple shirt and the other was wearing a green one, so it shouldn’t have been that hard to remember which was which, but they came in and pinched my cheeks and said, “Hey, baby brother! How’s it goin’?” and I got so mad I mixed them up again.
幸运的是，外公比我抢先一步。他迎接着他们，就像他们是遗失了很久的家庭成员，而且甚至还知道哪一个是马特，哪一个是迈克。一个穿着紫色衬衫而另一个穿着绿色，所以要记住谁是谁应该不会太困难，但他们进来并捏了我的脸颊说道：“嗨，小弟弟！怎么样？”然后我非常生气，又把他们弄混了。
“They look wonderful! Absolutely wonderful!” My mother was acting so hyper I couldn’t believe it. She took Juli’s pie, then whooshed a path to the kitchen with Mrs. Baker.
“它们看起来好极了！绝对好极了！”我妈妈表现得非常兴奋，让我都不敢相信。她拿了朱莉的派，然后和贝克太太一起飞快地移动到了厨房。
Lynetta appeared from around the corner, which made Matt and Mike grin and say, “Hey, Lyn. Lookin’ good.”
琳内塔出现在了转角处，这让马特和迈克露齿而笑，说道：“嗨，琳。看起来不错啊。”
My mother zoomed in from the kitchen, saying, “Come in, come in. It’s so nice you all could make it.” She called, “Lyn-et-ta! Rick! We’ve got company!” but then stopped short when she saw Juli and Mrs. Baker. “Well, what’s this?” she asked. “Homemade pies?”
我妈妈快速从厨房里出来，说：“请进，请进。你们都能来真好。”她喊道：“琳－内－塔！里克！我们有客－人！”但在看到贝克太太和朱莉是迅速停了下来，“嗯，这是什么？”她问，“自家做的派啊？”
Mrs. Baker said, “Blackberry cheesecake and pecan.”
贝克太太说，“蓝莓奶酪蛋糕和胡桃。”
She wasn’t looking at me. She seemed to be looking at everything but me. And I felt like an idiot, standing there in my geeky button-down shirt with pinched cheeks and nothing to say. And I got so nervous about having nothing to say that my heart started going wacko on me, hammering like it does right before a race or a game or something.
她没有在看我。她似乎在看着所有的一切，除了我。而我感觉像个白痴，穿着我令人讨厌的扣子衬衫站在那儿，被捏的脸颊，什么话都说不出来。而我因为无话可说变得非常紧张，我的心开始发疯，就像是一场赛跑或游戏前那样捶打着。
Black skirt, black nails, black eyes — for a nocturnal rodent, yeah, I suppose she was looking good.
黑色衬衫，黑色指甲，黑色眼睛——对于一个夜间啮齿类动物来说，我想她看起来确实不错。
They disappeared down to Lynetta’s room, and when I turned around, my granddad was taking Mr. Baker into the front room, which left me in the entry hall with Juli. Alone.
他们消失在了琳内塔房间，而当我转身的时候，我外公正带着贝克先生去前厅，这让我和朱莉留在了入口处。单独的。
On top of that, she looked more like that stupid picture in the paper than the picture did, if that makes any sense. Not because she was all dressed up — she wasn’t. She was wearing some normal-looking dress and normal-looking shoes, and her hair was the way it always is except maybe a little more brushed out. It was the way she was looking at everything but me, with her shoulders back and her chin out and her eyes flashing.
更严重的是，她看起来比那张照片更像是那愚蠢的报纸上的照片，如果那说得通的话。并不仅仅是因为她穿了正装——她没有。她穿了一件样子平常的裙子和样子平常的鞋子，而她的头发和平常一样，除了梳得更干净些。是因为她目中无人，还有挺着胸，抬着下巴，眼睛闪闪发光的样子。
We probably only stood there for five seconds, but it felt like a year. Finally I said, “Hi, Juli.”
我们可能只在那儿站了五秒钟，但感觉却是一年。最后我说：“嗨，朱莉。”
Her eyes flashed at me, and that’s when it sank in — she was mad. She whispered, “I heard you and Garrett making fun of my uncle in the library, and I don’t want to speak to you! You understand me? Not now, not ever!”
她的眼睛对我放光，而这时我才了解——她在生气。她低声道：“我听见你和加瑞特在图书馆嘲笑我叔叔，我不想和你说话！你听懂了吗？现在不想，以后也不想！”
My mind was racing. Where had she been? I hadn’t seen her anywhere near me in the library! And had she heard it? Or had she heard it from somebody else.
我的脑子正飞速运转。她当时在哪儿？在图书馆时我没看见她在我附近的任何地方！而她听见了？或者是她从别人那里听见了。
I tried to tell her it wasn’t me, that it was Garrett, all Garrett. But she shut me down and made tracks for the front room to be with her dad.
我试图告诉她那并不是我，是加瑞特，全怪加瑞特。但是她让我闭上了嘴并走向前厅去找她爸爸。
So I’m standing there, wishing I’d punched Garrett out in the library so Juli wouldn’t stick me in the same class as someone who makes retard jokes, when my dad shows up and claps me on the shoulder. “So. How’s the party, son?”
所以我就那样站在那儿，希望我在图书馆里打了加瑞特，这样朱莉就不会把我和制造了智障笑话的人混为一谈，我爸爸出现了并拍了我的肩。“那么，这派对怎么样，儿子？”
Speak of the devil. I wanted to whack his hand off my shoulder.
说到邪恶。我想把他的手使劲从我肩膀上打下来。
“Yeah, you know, I knew that.” He rubs his hands together and says, “I guess I ought to go in and say hello. Coming?”
“是的，你知道我知道的。”他摩擦着双手说道：“我猜我最好过去打个招呼。你来吗？”
I shrug away from him. “Mr. Baker’s name is Robert, Dad.”
我耸着肩离开他，“贝克先生的名字是罗伯特，爸爸。”
He leans out so he can see into the front room and says, “Hey, the dad cleans up pretty good, doesn’t he?”
他向前倾这样他就能看见前厅，然后说：“嗨，这父亲整理的很不错，是吗？”
“Nah. Mom probably needs my help.”
“不了。妈妈可能需要我的帮忙。”
I didn’t run off to the kitchen, though. I stood there and watched Mr. Baker shake my father’s hand. And as they stood there pumping and smiling, this weird feeling started coming over me again. Not about Juli — about my father. Standing next to Mr. Baker, he looked small. Physically small. And compared to the cut of Mr. Baker’s jaw, my dad’s face looked kind of weaselly.
但我并没有跑进厨房。我站在那儿看着贝克先生和我爸爸握手。而当他们站在那儿打招呼微笑时，那种奇怪的感觉又开始降临到我身上。和朱莉无关——和我爸爸有关。站在贝克先生边上，他看起来更矮小。物质上的矮小。而和贝克先生削瘦的下巴相比，我爸爸的脸看起来有些狡猾。
This is not the way you want to feel about your father. When I was little, I’d always thought that my dad was right about everything and that there wasn’t a man on earth he couldn’t take. But standing there looking in, I realized that Mr. Baker could squash him like a bug.
你并不想从你父亲身上感受到这些。我小的时候，我总是认为我爸爸在任何方面都是对的，而在这个世界上没有男人他无法打败。但是站在那儿看着，我意识到贝克先生能够把他像虫子一样压扁。
Worse, though, was the way he was acting. Watching my dad chum it up with Juli’s dad — it was like seeing him lie. To Mr. Baker, to Juli, to my grandfather — to everybody. Why was he being such a worm? Why couldn’t he just act normal?
但最糟的，是他表现的方式。看着他和朱莉的父亲闲谈——就像看着他在撒谎。对贝克先生，对朱莉，对我外公——对每个人撒谎。他怎么能这么懦弱呢？为什么他不能表现得正常些？
You know, civil? Why did he have to put on such a phony show? This went way beyond keeping the peace with my mother. This was disgusting. And people said I was the spitting image of my father. How often had I heard that one? I’d never thought about it much, but now it was turning my stomach.
你知道的，别这么官方？他为什么要做这样欺骗的演出？这比和我妈妈保持和平要超出太多了。这简直很恶心。而人们说我是我爸爸的翻版。我多经常会听到这些？我从没多想过，但现在这令我的胃翻腾。
Mom jingled the dinner bell and called, “Hors d’oeuvres are ready!” and then saw me still standing in the hallway. “Bryce, where’d your sister and the boys go?”
妈妈摇晃着晚餐铃喊道：“开胃菜都准备好了！”然后看见了我站在走廊里。“布莱斯，你姐姐和男孩们去哪儿了？”
“Go tell them, would you? And then come have some hors d’oeuvres.”
“去告诉他们，好吗？然后过来吃些开胃菜。”
I shrugged. “Down to her room, I think.”
我耸肩：“在她房间，我猜。”
“Sure,” I said. Anything to get rid of the taste in my mouth.
“当然。”我说。任何能让我摆脱嘴里滋味的东西都好。
Lynetta’s door was closed. And normally I would have knocked and called, Mom wants you, or, Dinner! or something, but in that split second before my knuckles hit wood, my hand became possessed by Evil Baby Brother. I turned the knob and walked right in.
琳内塔的门关着。而通常情况下我会敲门并喊道，妈妈找你，或者，晚餐！或者别的，但是在那一秒钟我的指节碰到木门之前，我的手被邪恶的小弟弟占据了。我转动了把手并直接走了进去。
Matt-or-Mike whispers, “It’s about over. We’ll be right there,” like of course I was there to say it was time to eat. What else would I be doing there?
马特或迈克低语道：“就快结束了。我们很快就过去。”就像我当然是来说到吃饭时间的。我在那儿还能干吗呢？
Does Lynetta freak out or throw stuff at me and scream for me to get out? No. She ignores me. Matt-and-Mike give me a nod, and Lynetta sees me, but she’s got her hands over some headphones and her whole body’s bobbing up and down as she listens to a portable CD player.
琳内塔被吓到或朝我扔东西并尖叫着让我出去吗？没有。她无视了我。马特和迈克朝我点了点头，然后琳内塔看见了我，但她的头上正戴着耳机，而她一边听着便携式音箱，她的整个身体一边上下摇动着。
Nothing new there, but now it really bugged me. Like all of a sudden I didn’t fit in anywhere.
那里并没有什么新东西，但现在它真正让我烦恼。就像突然间我不属于任何地方。
Something about that made me feel, I don’t know, left out. I wasn’t even a person to those guys. I was just baby brother.
那让我感觉到，我不知道，被忽视。我对那些男生来说甚至不是个大人。我仅仅是个小弟弟。
Not at school, not at home… and every time I turned around, another person I’d known forever felt like a stranger to me. Even I felt like a stranger to me.
不属于学校，不属于家…而每一次我转过身，我一直都认识的另一个人让我感觉像个陌生人。甚至连我都感觉自己像个陌生人。
Standing around eating little round crackers smeared with whipped cheese and fish eggs didn’t do much for my mood either. My mother was acting like an entire swarm of busy bees. She was everywhere. In the kitchen, out of the kitchen. Serving drinks, handing out napkins. Explaining the food, but not eating a thing.
站在那儿吃着薄脆饼干抹着搅奶酪和鱼子酱也没让我的心情变好。我妈妈表现得就像是一大群蜜蜂在忙碌着。她到处乱转。进厨房，出厨房。倒饮料，发餐巾。解释食物，但就是没有吃东西。
Hanging near her didn’t stop the Baker boys from shoving crackers in whole, though. Man, I was just waiting for them to wrap themselves around a table leg and flex.
但是待在她边上并没有阻止贝克兄弟迅速吃下整块薄脆饼干。天哪，我正等着他们把自己卷在一条桌腿上扭动。
Juli, her dad, and my grandfather were off to the side talking nonstop about something, and my dad was over with Mrs. Baker looking about as stupid as I felt, standing by myself talking to no one.
朱莉，她爸爸，还有我外公已经走到一边不停地谈论某件事，而我爸爸正和贝克太太在一起，看起来让我感觉很愚蠢，独自站在那儿不和任何人说话。
My mom flutters over to me and says, “You doing okay, honey?”
我妈妈飘向我说道：“你还好吗，亲爱的？”
“Yeah,” I tell her, but she forces me over to where Granddad is anyway. “Go on, go on,” she whispers. “Dinner will be ready in a minute.”
“是啊，”我告诉她，但她强迫我去外公站着的地方，“去啊，去啊，”她低声道，“晚餐很快就好了。”
Perpetual motion.
永动机。
Lynetta didn’t buy Mom’s explanation on the hors d’oeuvres — she wound up dissecting hers, categorizing the parts into gross, disgusting, and revolting.
琳内塔对妈妈开胃菜的解释并不买账——她会解剖她的菜，把各个部分分为恶心的、令人作呕的、讨厌的。
My friend, I didn’t even know what perpetual motion was. They were talking closed systems, open systems, resistance, energy source, magnetism… it was like joining a discussion in a different language. And Juli, Juli was saying stuff like, “Well, what if you put the magnets back to back — reversed the polarity?” like she really understood what they were talking about. Then my granddad and her dad would explain why her idea wouldn’t work, but all that did was make Juli ask another question.
我的朋友，我连永动机是什么都不知道。他们在讨论关闭系统，开放系统，阻力，动力来源，磁性…这就像加入了一个不同语言的讨论。而朱莉，朱莉在说些事物像是“嗯，如果你把磁铁贴在一起，改变他们的极性会怎样呢？”就像她真的听懂了他们在说些什么。然后我外公和她爸爸会解释为什么她的主意行不通，但是他们做的只是让朱莉问了更多问题。
So I stand there and the group of them opens up, but it’s more like a reflex than anything. No one says a word to me. They just keep right on talking about perpetual motion.
所以我就那样站在他们给我打开的缺口处，但是这更像是本能的反应。没有人对我说一个字。他们只是继续谈论关于永动机的事。
“Amen? As in you’re glad high school’s over?”
“阿门？你们对于高中结束很高兴吗？”
“Isn’t that funny,” he says, looking around the table. “High school was probably the best time of my life.”
“这不是很可笑吗，”他说，环视着桌子，“高中大概是我一生中最美好的时光了。”
After Mom served everyone their food, Dad seemed to decide that he ought to be the one directing the conversation. “So, Mike and Matt,” he says, “you’re seniors this year.”
在我妈妈给所有人端上食物后，爸爸似乎决定他应该引导谈话的人，“那么，马特和迈克，”他说，“你们今年是毕业班学生了。”
Matt and Mike look at each other, then back at my dad. “The regurgitation gets to you after a while.”
马特和迈克看着对方，然后看着我爸爸，“在一段时间后会有这种逆流。“
Matt-or-Mike says, “Seriously? Dude, it’s totally lame!” Mrs. Baker shoots him a look, but that doesn’t stop him. “Well, it is, Mom. It’s that whole robotron attitude of education. Confine, confute, conform — I’ve had totally enough of that scene.”
马特或迈克说：“真的？先生，那太差劲了！”贝克太太迅速看了他一眼，但是那并没有阻止他。“嗯，是真的，妈妈。这整个的机器人态度教育。限制、驳斥、遵守——我完全受够了那部分。”
My father starts twirling his fork. “Why’s that?”
我爸爸开始快速旋转他的叉子：“为什么呢？”
I was completely lost. And even though I was pretending to follow along with what they were saying, what I was really doing was trying not to stare at Juli.
我完全迷失了。而虽然我假装自己跟着他们的话题，但我真正在做的却是试图让自己不要盯着朱莉。
“Absolutely.”
“绝对的。”
When my mom called us for dinner, I did my best to pull Juli aside and apologize to her, but she gave me the cold shoulder, and who could blame her, really?
当我妈妈叫吃饭的时候，我尽力把朱莉拉到一边并道歉，但是她给我的只有冷冷的背影，而谁又能责怪她呢，真的？
I sat down across from her, feeling pretty low. Why hadn’t I said something to Garrett in the library? I didn’t have to punch him. Why hadn’t I just told him he was out of line?
我在她对面坐下，感觉很矮小。为什么我没对加瑞特在图书馆说些什么？我并不需要揍他。我为什么没告诉他太过分了呢？
“Amen!” they say together.
“阿门！”他们一起说。
I took a deep breath and tried to relax. Tried to dive down to calmer water. This wasn’t my fight.
我做了个深呼吸并试图放松。试图潜入更平静的水下。这不是我的战斗。
My dad eyes my mom with a little I-told-you-so grin, then says to Matt and Mike, “So I take it college is out of the question?”
我爸爸看着我妈妈露出一个“我告诉过你”的笑容，然后对马特和迈克说，“那么我想大学也不做考虑了吧？”
Besides, Matt and Mike seemed cool with it. “Oh, no,” they said. “College is a total possibility.”
除此之外，马特和迈克似乎对此很冷静，“哦，没有，”他们说，“上大学有很大可能。”
God, what was with him? In a flash I was clutching my fork and knife, ready to duke it out for a couple of guys who pinched my cheeks and called me baby brother.
天哪，他怎么了？有一瞬间我紧握着我的刀叉，准备为了一些捏我的脸并叫我小弟弟的男生刺出去。
“Yeah, we got accepted a couple of places, but we’re going to give the music thing a shot first.”
“是的，我们已经被几所学校录取了，但是我们还是要先玩玩音乐。”
Matt and Mike look at each other, then shrug and get back to eating. But Lynetta glares at him and says, “Your sarcasm is not appreciated, Dad.”
马特和迈克看着对方，然后耸着肩继续吃。但琳内塔怒视着他说道：“你的讽刺并没有受到感激，爸爸。”
“Oh, the music thing,” my father says.
“哦，音乐。”我爸爸说。
Mom freezes, not sure what to do about Lynetta, but then Mrs. Baker says, “Dinner is absolutely delicious, Patsy.”
妈妈惊呆了，不确定对琳内塔怎么办，但然后贝克太太说：“晚餐非常美味，帕特斯。”
“Lyn, Lyn,” says Matt-or-Mike. “It’s cool. Everyone’s like that about it. It’s a show-me-don’t- tell-me thing.”
“琳，琳，”马特或迈克说，“这没什么。所有人都像那样。这是个‘别光说不做’的事。”
“That’s a great idea,” Lynetta says, jumping out of her seat and dashing down the hall.
“这是个好主意，”琳内塔说，从她座位上跳下来冲进了大厅。
“Thanks, Trina. It’s… it’s nice to have all of you over.”
“谢谢，崔娜。你们…你们都能来很好。”
All the adults were dying to jump up and turn the thing down, but Lynetta stood guard and just glowered at them. And when the song’s over, Lynetta pulls out the CD, punches off the player, and then smiles — actually smiles — at Matt and Mike and says, “That is the raddest song. I want to hear it again and again and again.”
所有的大人都备受煎熬去跳起来关掉那东西，但琳内塔保护着它，只是怒视着他们。然后当歌曲结束时，琳内塔拿出唱片，击灭了唱机，然后微笑了，真正的微笑——对着马特和迈克说道：“那是最红的歌。我想听一遍一遍又一遍。”
“Tough,” says Lynetta, and cranks the volume.
“很难，”琳内塔说，并摇了摇音量。
Matt-or-Mike says to my dad, “You probably don’t like it, but it’s what we do.”
马特或迈克对我爸爸说：“您可能并不喜欢，但这是我们做的。”
There’s about three seconds of quiet and then Lynetta comes in and jabs at the CD player buttons until the drawer slides back in.
那里大概有三秒钟的安静，然后琳内塔进来并用力戳着CD机的按钮直到唱片滑进去。
Boom, whack! Boom-boom, whack! The candles practically shake in their holders; then guitars rip through the air and about blow them out. Matt and Mike look up at the speakers, then grin at each other and call over to my dad, “Surround sound — awesome setup, Mr. Loski!”
嘣，哇！嘣－嘣，哇！蜡烛几乎在烛台上震动；然后吉他撕扯着空气几乎吹灭它们。马特和迈克看着喇叭，然后对对方露齿而笑，然后对我爸爸喊道：“环绕立体声——极其棒的装置，洛世奇先生！”
“You boys wrote that song?”
“你们写了那首歌？”
“Lyn, no! Not a good idea,” says Matt-or-Mike. “Yeah, Lyn. It’s not exactly dinner music.”
“琳，不要！不是个好主意，”马特或迈克说，“是的，琳。这可不是真正的晚餐音乐。”
Matt and Mike interrupt him with a slamming hard high five. And while I’m getting uptight about my dad asking them questions about money, of all things, my mom’s fumbling all over herself, trying to sweep away my dad’s big pawprints. “When Rick and I met, he was playing in a band…”
马特和迈克用一个极其用力的击掌打断了他。而当我正对我爸爸问他们关于钱和其他问题感到紧张时，我妈妈搜索着话题，试图打掉我爸爸的大手：“我和里克遇到的时候，他也在乐队里…”
He looks at it a minute and says, “So if you’re Piss Poor, how do you afford to press CDs?”
他看着它一会儿然后说：“所以你们就是贫穷的尿，你们怎么能负担得起印唱片呢？”
Dad holds up the CD. “This is the demo?”
爸爸举起唱片，“这是样本？”
My dad laughs a little and says, “Right,” but then adds, “Although I am a little curious. This is obviously not a home-done demo, and I happen to know studio time’s cost-prohibitive for most bands…”
我爸爸笑了一下说道：“对啊，”但又补充道，“虽然我有点好奇。这很明显不是个自制的唱片，而我刚好知道录音室时间对大部分乐队都成本过高…”
“Dad!” Lynetta snaps at him.
“爸爸！”琳内塔对他厉声说道。
“It’s okay, Lyn. Just a joke, right, Mr. Loski?”
“没关系，琳。只是个玩笑，对吗，洛世奇先生？”
Poached salmon was suddenly swimming down the wrong hatch. And while I’m choking, Lynetta’s bugging out her raccoon eyes, gasping, “You? Played in a band? What did you play, clarinet?”
煮三文鱼突然就滑到了错的地方。而当我震惊的时候，琳内塔瞪着她的浣熊眼睛，喘着气说道：“你？在一个乐队？你演奏什么，竖笛？”
Matt-or-Mike laughs and says, “Dude, we’ve got a thousand songs, but there’s only three on the demo.”
马特或迈克笑着说：“先生，我们有一千首歌，但是只有三首在样本里。”
He motions Lynetta to pass the CD over, saying, “Just the one song?”
爸爸示意琳内塔把唱片递过来，说：“只有一首歌吗？”
“Yeah.”
“是啊。”
“Uh-huh.”
“是啊。”
My mom kicks him again, but Dad turns on her and says, “Stop it, would you? I’m just curious!”
我妈妈又踢了他，但是爸爸转向她说：“停下来，行吗？我只是好奇！”
“No, honey,” my mom says, trying to hold it all together. “Your father played guitar.”
“不，亲爱的，“我妈妈说，”试图掌握全局：“你父亲是弹吉他的。”
Matt and Mike lean in. “We did it ourselves.”
马特和迈克插进来：“我们自己做的。”
“Country,” my dad says. “Which is nothing to scoff at, boys.”
“乡村，”我爸爸说，“这没什么好嘲笑的，男孩们。”
Matt and Mike are still grinning. “There’s not.”
马特和迈克仍旧保持着笑容：“这儿没有。”
“Guitar?”
“吉他？”
“And when our band looked into getting a demo made, it was astronomically expensive. That was in a big city, where there was a little competition. Getting a demo made around here? I didn’t even know there was a facility.”
“而当我们的乐队希望能够制作唱片时，那价钱极其昂贵。那是在一个大城市，那有些小小的比赛。在这儿制作唱片？我甚至不知道这儿有那些设备。”
“So where’d you go? And how’d you afford it?” My mother whacks him under the table again, so he says, “I’m just curious, Patsy!”
“那么你们去哪儿了？你们怎么负担得起？”我妈妈又在桌子底下狠狠打了他一下，所以他说：“我只是好奇，帕特斯！”
“This right here? You did this yourselves? That’s impossible.” He’s looking almost mad about it. “How’d you get the gear?”
“就这个？你们自己做的？那不可能的，”他看起来几乎生气了，“你们怎么有设备的？”
“Cool!” Matt-or-Mike says. “Rock? Country? Jazz?”
“酷！”马特或迈克说，“摇滚？乡村？爵士？”
Matt-or-Mike says, “It’s cool, Mrs. Loski.” He smiles at my dad and says, “We kept cruising the Internet and the trades looking for a deal. Everyone’s blowing out their old analog gear for digital because that’s the move everyone else has made. Digital, if you want to know our opinion, is weak. You lose too much of the waveform. There’s not enough fat to it, and obviously we like it beefy.”
马特或迈克说：“这很酷，洛世奇先生。”他对着我爸爸微笑着说：“我们不停地在网络和市场上搜索交易。所有人都在卖掉旧的模拟设备换数码。数码，如果你想知道我们的观点，它很弱。你会失去很多的波形。它的量还不够大，而很明显我们想要充足的。”
“Dude! We know. Total respect, man.”
“先生！我们知道。完全地尊重，天！”
Which was probably the only honest thing my dad said all night. After that he was quiet. He’d try to plaster up a smile now and then, but man, underneath it he was broody. And I was feeling kind of bad for him. Was he thinking about the good old days playing in a band? I tried picturing him in cowboy boots and a cowboy hat, with a guitar strapped across his shoulder, playing some old Willie Nelson song.
这可能是我爸爸整晚说的唯一一句真话。在那之后他沉默了。他试着时不时露出敷衍的微笑，但是天哪，在那之下他其实在思考。而我对他感觉有些遗憾。他在想那些在乐队里弹奏的美好时光吗？我试着想象他穿着牛仔靴，戴着牛仔帽，一个吉他跨在肩上，弹着威利·纳尔逊的老歌。
“Exactly, but that is the last and only step we’ll compromise on. It’s just a necessity of being part of the industry. Everyone wants CDs. But the multitrack and the mixdown to two-track is analog. And we could afford it, Mr. Loski, because we got used gear and we’ve been saving up our pennies since we were twelve years old.” He grins and says, “You still play? We could, you know, lay down some of your tunes if you want.”
“的确如此，但是这是最后也是唯一我们会折中的阶段。作为制作人的一部分是必须的。所有人都想要唱片。但是多声道和混合声组成双声道是模拟的。我们可以负担得起这个，洛世奇先生，因为我们必须要用设备，而我们从十二岁就开始攒钱。”他露齿而笑道：“你还在弹吗？我们能，你知道，录一些你的曲子，如果你愿意。”
My granddad puts up a finger and says, “But a CD’s digital, so…”
我外公伸出一只手指说：“但唱片是数码的，所以…”
My dad looks down, and for a second I couldn’t tell if he was going to get mad or cry. Then he sort of snorts and says, “Thanks, but that’s not me anymore.”
爸爸看着下面，而在几秒钟内我不知道他是要生气还是大喊。但他嗤之以鼻道：“谢谢，但我已经不弹了。”
Then, when the night was over and the Bakers were piling out the front door, something else strange happened. Juli touched my arm. And for the first time that night she was looking at me. It was that look, too, channeled directly and solely at me. She says, “I’m sorry I was so angry when we first came in. Everyone had a good time, and I think your mom’s really nice for inviting us.”
然后，当夜晚结束，贝克一家从前门出去时，另一件奇怪的事发生了。朱莉碰到了我的胳膊。而那晚的第一次她看着我。又是那样的神情，直直地、单独地注视着我。她说：“我很抱歉刚进来时我在气头上。所有人都很开心，而且我认为你妈妈邀请我们很好。”
Then she was gone. Out the door and into the night, part of a chorus of happy good-byes. I tried to catch my breath. What was that? What was wrong with me?
然后她走了。出了门进入夜色，齐声地说快乐的告别。我试着找回我的呼吸。这是怎么回事？我怎么了？
He was right — it just wasn’t him.
他说对了——那不是他该做的。
Her voice was quiet. Almost a whisper. I just stood there like a moron, staring at her.
她的声音很轻，几乎是低语。我像个傻瓜似的站在那儿，盯着她。
But the fact that it ever had been made me feel even more like a stranger in a strange land.
而事实是，这让我感到是一个陌生人，在一个陌生的地方。
“Bryce?” she says, touching my arm again. “Did you hear me? I’m sorry.”
“布莱斯？”她说，又碰了碰我的胳膊，“你听见了吗？我很抱歉。”
I managed a nod, but my arm was tingling, and my heart was pounding, and I felt myself pulling toward her.
我木然地点头，但我感觉到胳膊上的刺痛感，我的心猛烈地跳动，而我感觉到自己在向她靠近。
My mother closed the door and said, “There. Now what did I tell you? That is one delightful family! Those boys are nothing like I expected. Lynetta, why didn’t you tell me they were so… so charming!”
我妈妈关上门说道：“好了。现在，我告诉过你什么？那是个令人愉快的家庭！那些男孩和我想的一点儿都不一样。琳内塔，你为什么没告诉我他们这么…这么可爱？”
“They’re drug dealers is what they are.”
“他们都是毒贩。”
Everyone turned to my father and dropped their jaws.
每个人都转向了我爸爸，下巴都掉了下来。
“What?” my mother said.
“什么？”我妈妈说。
“There is no other way those boys could afford to buy recording gear like that.” He glared at Lynetta. “Isn’t that so?”
“没有其他的办法让那些男孩们买得起那样的录音设备。”他怒视着琳内塔，“不是吗？”
Lynetta’s eyes looked like they were going to pop right out of her head.
琳内塔的眼睛看起来是马上要从她脑袋上弹出来。
There was a split second of silence, and then he slapped her, smack, right across the cheek. That put my mother in his face like I’d never seen and sent my sister screaming insults over her shoulder as she ran down to her room.
那儿有几秒种的寂静，然后他打了她，啪，直接打在脸颊上。我妈妈插在他前面的样子是我从没见过的，而我姐姐一边回头尖叫着脏话一边跑回了她的房间。
“Rick, please!” my mother said. “You can’t just make accusations like that!”
“里克，拜托！”我妈妈说，“你不能就这么指责别人！”
“It’s the only thing that makes sense, Patsy. Believe me, I know how musicians are. There is no other explanation for this.”
“这是唯一合理的解释，帕特斯。相信我，我了解音乐家。那没有其他能解释的。”
Lynetta shouted, “I happen to know for a fact that they don’t use or deal. Where do you get off saying something like that? You are such a twofaced, condescending, narrow-minded jackass!”
琳内塔喊道：“我刚好知道事实是他们既不用也不交易毒品。你怎么能这么说？你就是个两面派，傲慢又心胸狭窄的傻子！”
My heart was pounding. Lynetta was right and I almost, almost got in his face, too, and told him so. But then my granddad pulled me aside and we both retreated to our own little corners of the house.
我的心在狂跳。琳内塔说对了，而我几乎，几乎也面对着他，告诉了他这些。但然后我外公把我拉到了一边，我们都撤回了自己的角落。
Pacing around my room, I had the urge to go talk to Lynetta. To tell her that she was right, that Dad was way out of line. But I could hear her through the walls, crying and screaming while my mom tried to calm her down. Then she stormed out of the house to who-knows-where, and my mom took up with my dad again.
踱步在我的房间里，我有一股冲动想要和琳内塔谈谈。去告诉她她是对的，爸爸太不礼貌了。但我隔着墙也能听见她，在我妈妈试图让她冷静时又叫又哭。然后她闯出了房子不知去了哪儿，而妈妈又和爸爸杠上了。
So I stayed put. And even though the earth quit quaking around eleven o’clock, there were tremors out there. I could feel them.
所以我保持不动。虽然说地震在大约十一点时停下了，但那里还是余震不断。我知道。
As I lay in my bed staring out the window at the sky, I thought about how my dad had always looked down on the Bakers. How he’d put down their house and their yard and their cars and what they did for a living. How he’d called them trash and made fun of Mr. Baker’s paintings.
当我躺在床上盯着窗外的天空时，我想着爸爸总是瞧不起贝克一家。他怎样贬低他们的房子，车子和院子，还有他们生活的方式。他骂他们垃圾还嘲笑贝克先生的画。
And now I was seeing that there was something really cool about that family. All of them. They were just… real.
而现在我看清了那个家庭有个很酷的地方。他们全部。他们都是…真实的。
And who were we? There was something spinning wickedly out of control inside this house.
而我们是谁呢？我们家有什么邪恶的东西不受控制。
It was like seeing inside the Bakers’ world had opened up windows into our own, and the view was not a pretty one.
这就像看清了贝克的世界也为我们打开了一扇窗，而风景并不美丽。
And why hadn’t I ever seen it before.
为什么我以前都没看到过？
Where had all this stuff come from?
这些东西都是从哪儿来的？
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