She has three scratch marks on her cheek. As if from claws. She knows they’ll want to know how it all began. Elsa ran, is the short answer. She’s good at running. That’s what happens when you get chased all the time.
她脸上有三道划痕，像爪子挠的。她知道大家都想探究前因后果。简单来说，爱莎跑了。爱莎很擅长逃跑。如果你经常被追赶，这就是结果。
At lunchtime, Elsa took the bus home, because she figured she had a better chance of dodging Britt-Marie during the day. She stopped and bought four bags of Daim in the supermarket. The house was as dark and silent as only Granny’s house could be without the presence of Granny, and it felt as if even the house were missing her. Elsa hid carefully from Britt-Marie, who was on her way to the space where the trash bins are kept, although she didn’t even have any bags of separated rubbish. After Britt-Marie had checked the contents of all the bins and pursed her mouth the way she does when she decides to raise some issue at the next residents’ meeting, she set off down the street to the supermarket so she could walk about and purse her mouth in there for a while. Elsa sneaked in and went up the stairs to the mezzanine floor. There she stood, shaking with fear and anger outside the flat, still with the letter in her hand. Her anger was reserved for Granny. Her fear was of The Monster.
午饭时，爱莎乘公交车回家，猜想白天比较容易躲开布里特—玛丽。她去了趟超市，买了四包代姆巧克力。没有了外婆，房子阴暗冷清，感觉上连这栋房子都在想念她。爱莎小心翼翼地避开正走向垃圾桶的布里特—玛丽，布里特—玛丽手上并没有提任何分好类的垃圾。她检查了每一个垃圾桶里的东西，噘起嘴，露出一副决定要在下次居民会议上提些问题的表情，之后继续噘着嘴走到马路上，转悠着往超市的方向去。爱莎溜进大门，上到楼梯的一二层之间。她站在那里，手里拿着信，因恐惧和怒气而微微发抖。她愤怒的是外婆，而害怕的则是怪物。
This morning she lied to Mum about starting school an hour earlier than usual. And when Mum pulled her up on it, Elsa played the bad mother card. The bad mother card is like Renault: hardly a beauty but surprisingly effective. “I’ve told you like a hundred times I start earlier on Mondays! I even gave you a slip but you never listen to me anymore!”
这天早上，她骗妈妈说学校比平时提早一个小时上课。妈妈责怪她为什么不早说时，爱莎就用了“坏母亲”那招。“坏母亲”这个招数就像是雷诺，不怎么漂亮但屡试不爽。“我告诉过你一百次了，周一我要早去！我甚至给你留了一张字条，但你从来都不听我说的话。”
Mum mumbled something about “pregnant airhead” and looked guilty. The easiest way of getting her off balance is if you can manage to convince her she’s lost control. There used to be just two people in the world who knew how to make Mum lose control. And now there’s only one. That’s a lot of power to put into the hands of someone who’s not even eight yet.
妈妈咕哝着什么“孕傻”之类的，看上去很内疚。在气势上战胜她的最简单的办法，就是设法让她相信情况超出了她的控制。曾经，世界上有两个人知道如何让妈妈失控。现在只剩一个了。对一个还不到八岁的人来说，这权力非常大。
She spins the globe at one end of the desk. The headmaster looks particularly vexed when she does it. So she keeps doing it.
她拨动桌子一侧的地球仪。校长看起来对此很恼火。于是她继续拨。
Not long after, she was running through the playground so fast she thought her feet were on fire. And now she sits in a small room with luminous red marks on her cheek as if from claws, waiting for Mum and fully aware that she’ll demand to know what’s happened.
没过多久，她奔跑着穿过操场，跑得太快以至于觉得脚底快要起火了。此刻，她坐在一个小房间里，脸颊上带着明显的红色抓痕，等妈妈赶来，心里很清楚她会询问发生了什么事。
She doesn’t even grace him with an answer.
她根本懒得回答他。
It was smart of Granny, Elsa has to admit it. She’s still insanely irritated about this stupid treasure hunt, but it was smart of Granny to write “Miamas” in normal characters in the letter. Because Elsa had stood there earlier on the landing, summoning her courage for at least a hundred eternities before she rang the doorbell. And if Granny hadn’t known that Elsa would read the letter even though one mustn’t read other people’s letters, and if she hadn’t written “Miamas” in normal characters, Elsa would just have thrown the envelope in The Monster’s mail slot and run away. Instead, she stood there ringing the doorbell, because she had to press The Monster for some answers.
爱莎必须承认，外婆很机智。她到现在还为这场愚蠢的寻宝游戏愤怒不已，但外婆机智地用正常文字写下了“密阿玛斯”。此前，爱莎站在楼梯间，至少过了“一百个永恒”才鼓起勇气按下门铃。如果外婆不知道爱莎会偷看那封信（虽然这是不对的），如果她没用正常文字写下“密阿玛斯”，爱莎就会直接把信扔进怪物的投信口然后跑掉。而实际上，她站在那儿按响了门铃，因为她必须从怪物那里得到一些答案。
“Well?” the headmaster asks, pointing at her cheek, “Are you ready to tell me what happened?”
“怎么样？”校长指着她的脸颊问，“准备好告诉我发生了什么事吗？”
Our Friend was still howling in the flat next door, but nothing happened when she rang at The Monster’s door. She rang again and banged on the door until the wood was creaking and then peered inside through the mail slot, but it was too dark to see anything. Not a movement. Not a breath. All she could feel was an acrid smell of cleaning agents, the sort of smell that rushes up your nasal membranes and starts kicking the back of your eyeballs when you breathe it in.
“我们的朋友”仍然在隔壁房间号叫。她按了怪物的门铃后，屋里没什么反应。她再按了一下，用力敲门，敲得门板嘎吱作响，然后又透过投信口朝里瞄，但里面很暗，什么也看不见。没有一点儿动静，也没有呼吸声。她唯一能感受到的是一股刺鼻的清洁剂气味，那种一旦吸进去就会刺激鼻黏膜，甚至刺痛眼眶的气味。
Okay, not much bigger than her monster fear, but big enough.
好吧，没有超过很多，但足够了。
But no sign of a monster. Not even a little one.
但没有怪物的踪迹。连小怪物都没有。
Because Miamas belongs to Granny and Elsa. It’s only theirs. Elsa’s fury at the thought of Granny bringing along some random muppet was bigger than any fear she might have of monsters.
密阿玛斯属于外婆和爱莎，并且只属于她们。想到外婆居然会随便带其他什么人去那里，爱莎的愤怒就超过了她对怪物的恐惧。
Elsa took off her backpack and got out the four bags of Daim and emptied them through Our Friend’s mail slot. For a few brief, brief moments the creature stopped howling in there. Elsa has decided to call it “the creature” until she has figured out what it really is, because, irrespective of what Britt-Marie says, Elsa is pretty damn sure that this is no mere dog.
爱莎取下她的背包，把四包代姆巧克力拆开，全都倒进了“我们的朋友”的投信口。有那么短短的一小会儿，里面的生物停止了号叫。爱莎决定叫它“生物”，直到她搞清楚它到底是什么，因为不管布里特—玛丽怎么说，爱莎都非常肯定它不是一般的狗。
“If you see The Monster, tell him I have mail for him,” said Elsa.
“如果你见到怪物，告诉他我有他的信。”爱莎说。
“You have to stop howling; Britt-Marie will call the police and they’ll come here and kill you,” she whispered through the slot.
“你不能再叫了，布里特—玛丽会报警，警察会来杀了你的。”她透过投信口小声说。
She didn’t know if the creature understood. But at least it was being quiet and eating its Daim. As any rational creature does, when offered Daim.
她不知道那个生物是不是明白，但至少它现在安静了，吃着巧克力。任何有理智的生物有了巧克力都应该这样。
And then she put the letter in her backpack and took the bus back to school. And when she looked out of the bus window she thought she saw him again. The thin man who’d been standing outside the undertaker’s yesterday while Mum was talking to the whale-woman. Now he was in the shadows on the other side of the street. She couldn’t see his face behind the cigarette smoke, but a cold, instinctual terror wrapped itself around her ribs.
然后她把信放进背包，乘公交车回学校了。当她从车窗望出去时，她觉得自己又看见那个人了——昨天妈妈和鲸鱼女士说话时，站在殡仪馆外面的瘦削男人。此时他站在街对面的阴影中。香烟的烟雾让她看不清他的脸，但一种冰冷、本能的恐惧涌上了她的心头。
“Tell him my granny sends her regards and apologizes,” she whispered.
“告诉他，我的外婆向他问好并向他道歉。”爱莎低声说。
And then he was gone.
然后，他就不见了。
The creature didn’t answer, but Elsa felt its warm breath when it sniffed at the door.
那个生物没有回答，但爱莎能感觉到它嗅门时呼出的热气。
Elsa reckons this may have been why she couldn’t make herself invisible when she got to school. Invisibility is the sort of superpower you can train yourself to have, and Elsa practices it all the time, but it doesn’t work if you are angry or frightened. When she got to school Elsa was both. Afraid of men turning up in the shadows without her knowing why, and angry at Granny for sending a letter to a monster, and both angry at and afraid of monsters. Normal monsters have the decency to live deep inside black caves or at the bottoms of ice-cold lakes. Normal, terrifying monsters don’t actually live in flats and get their mail delivered.
爱莎猜想，这大概就是回到学校时，她无法隐身的原因。隐身是一种可以通过训练获得的超能力，爱莎一直在练习，但生气和害怕时就不管用了，而此时恰恰二者兼有。她不知道为什么会对阴影里的男人感到恐惧，而外婆要她给怪物送信这件事则让爱莎一肚子不满，怪物本身也让人又怕又气。通常，怪物应该自觉地住在黑暗的洞穴深处或者冰冷的湖底。可怕的怪物不会真的住在公寓里，还让人给它们送信。
Elsa fingers the globe a little more demonstratively. The headmaster sits down in his chair, then leans forward and discreetly tries to move the globe out of her reach. He turns hopefully to Mum.
爱莎挑衅地又用手指转了转地球仪。校长坐回椅子，靠向前，小心翼翼地试图把地球仪推到爱莎够不着的地方。他满怀希望地看向妈妈。
And anyway Elsa hates Monday. School is always at its worst on Monday mornings, because people who like chasing you have had to hang about all weekend with no one to chase. The notes in her locker are always the worst on Mondays. Which could also be why the invisibility thing is not working.
还有，爱莎痛恨星期一。星期一早上的学校是最糟糕的，因为那些喜欢追赶你的人憋了整个周末无人可追。星期一，爱莎储物柜里的字条也是最刻薄的。这或许是隐身能力不管用的另一个原因。
“Hello! Sorry I’m so late! It’s the traffic!” Elsa’s mum pants, out of breath, and Elsa feels her fingers brushing her neck.
“你好，很抱歉我这么晚才到。堵车。”爱莎的妈妈气喘吁吁地说，爱莎感觉到妈妈的手指在轻抚她的后颈。
Elsa doesn’t turn around. She also feels Mum’s telephone brushing against her neck, because Mum always carries it. As if she were a cyborg and it was a part of her organic tissue.
爱莎没有转身。她还感觉到妈妈的手机擦过她的脖子。妈妈一直随身带着它，就好像她是个生化人，而手机是她生物组织的一部分。
The headmaster prefers Dad to be present at these types of meetings, because he seems to find dads easier to reason with when it comes to this sort of thing. Mum doesn’t look especially pleased.
校长比较希望爸爸来参加这种会谈，因为他认为在这种事情上，父亲们更容易沟通。妈妈看上去不是很高兴。
Elsa starts fidgeting with the headmaster’s globe again. Then she hears the door opening behind her and the headmaster stands up, looking relieved.
爱莎拨弄着校长的地球仪，坐立不安。然后，她听见身后的门推开了，校长站起身，看上去松了一口气。
“Shall we wait for Elsa’s father, perhaps?”
“也许我们再等一下爱莎的爸爸？”
He nods at Mum’s belly. Mum looks like she needs to control herself quite a lot not to ask exactly what he’s driving at. The headmaster clears his throat and pulls the globe even further from Elsa’s reaching fingers. He looks as if he’s going to impress on Mum that she should think of the child, which is what people try to impress on Mum when they’re nervous that she may get angry.
他冲妈妈的肚子点了点头。妈妈看上去极力控制自己不去问他到底在暗示些什么。校长清了清喉咙，把地球仪挪得离爱莎的手指更远了。他像是要提醒妈妈想想肚子里的孩子，当人们担心她会生气时，往往会试着这么暗示她。
“Of course, there’s no intention on our part to create a sense of panic here. Especially not in your condition…”
“我们学校当然不希望制造紧张气氛。特别是你现在…”
“Elsa’s father is away and unfortunately he won’t be back until tomorrow.” The headmaster looks disappointed.
“爱莎的父亲不在，很不巧他要明天才回来。”校长看上去有些失望。
“Think about the child.” They used to mean Elsa when they said that. But now they mean Halfie.
“为孩子想想。”这句话以前指的是爱莎，但现在指的是“小半”。
Elsa straightens her leg and kicks the wastepaper basket. She can hear the headmaster and Mum talking, but she doesn’t listen. Deep inside, she’s hoping Granny will come storming in at any moment with her fists raised, like in a boxing match in an old film. The last time Elsa was called in to see the headmaster, he only called Mum and Dad, but Granny came along all the same. Granny was not the sort of person you had to call.
爱莎伸直了腿去踢废纸篓。她能听见校长和妈妈的对话，但没有听进去。内心深处，她希望外婆下一秒就能举着拳头冲进来，像老电影里的拳击赛一样。上一次叫爱莎家长来，校长只通知了妈妈和爸爸，但外婆不管不顾地一起来了。外婆不是那种坐等通知的类型。
The headmaster had tried to calm Granny by telling the boy who’d given Elsa the black eye that “only cowards hit girls,” but Granny was not the least bit calmed by that.
校长试图让外婆冷静下来，对那个打了爱莎的男孩说：“只有懦夫才会打女孩。”但外婆根本不买账。
Elsa had sat there spinning the headmaster’s globe on that occasion too. The boy who’d given her a black eye had been there with his parents. The headmaster had turned to Elsa’s father and said: “There’s an element of a typical boyish prank about this…” And then he had to devote quite a long time to explaining to Granny what a typical girlish prank might be, because Granny really wanted to know.
那次，爱莎也是坐在这里，转着校长的地球仪。那个把她打出黑眼眶的男孩和他的父母也在。校长对爱莎的父亲说：“这种就是典型的男孩子气的恶作剧…”然后他就不得不用很长时间对外婆解释什么样叫女孩子气的恶作剧，因为外婆非常想知道。
“It’s not bloody cowardly to hit girls!” she had roared at the headmaster. “This kid isn’t a little asswipe for hitting a girl, he’s an asswipe for hitting anyone!” And then the boy’s father got upset and started being rude to Granny for calling his son an asswipe, and then Granny had replied that she was going to teach Elsa how to “kick boys in the fuse box” and then they’d see “how much bloody fun it is fighting with girls!” And then the headmaster had asked everyone to compose themselves a little. And then they all tried that for a bit. But then the headmaster wanted the boy and Elsa to shake hands and apologize to each other, and then Granny sprang out of her chair asking, “Why the hell should Elsa apologize?” The headmaster said that Elsa must take her share of the guilt because she had “provoked” the boy and one had to understand that the boy had experienced difficulties in “controlling himself.” And that was when Granny had tried to throw the globe at the headmaster, but Mum managed to catch hold of Granny’s arm at the very last moment, so that the globe ended up hitting the headmaster’s computer instead and smashing the screen. “I WAS PROVOKED!” Granny had roared at the headmaster while Mum tried to drag her into the corridor, “I COULDN’T CONTROL MYSELF!”
“不是因为打女孩才是该死的懦夫！”她冲着校长咆哮，“这小子不是因为打了女孩才是个小混蛋，是因为打了人，任何人！”然后，那男孩的父亲生气了，开始对外婆恶语相加，指责她骂他儿子是混蛋。而外婆则回应说，她要教爱莎怎么“踢男孩的要害”，那么他们就能体验一下“和女孩打架有多他妈爽了”。接着校长叫所有人都冷静一点儿。大家配合了一下。但当校长希望那男孩和爱莎握手并相互道歉时，外婆从椅子上跳了起来说：“凭什么要爱莎道歉？”校长回答说，爱莎也有错，因为她“惹了”那个男孩，那男孩有“自控力”问题，大家要体谅他。那一刻，外婆差点儿抄起地球仪向校长砸去，但妈妈在最后一刻拉住了外婆的胳膊，于是地球仪只砸到了校长的电脑，砸碎了屏幕。“我！被！惹！到！了！”外婆向着校长怒吼，妈妈则努力想把她拉到走廊去，“我！不！能！控！制！我！自！己！”
That’s why Elsa always tears up the notes she gets in her locker. The notes about how she is ugly. That she’s disgusting. That they’re going to kill her. Elsa rips them into such tiny pieces that they can hardly be seen and then throws them into different wastepaper bins all over the school. It’s an act of mercy to those who wrote the notes, because Granny would have beaten them to death if she’d found out.
正因为如此，爱莎总是把她储物柜里的字条撕碎，那些说她丑、恶心、要打她的字条。爱莎把它们撕得粉碎，无法辨认，然后扔到学校各处不同的废纸篓。这是为了写这些字条的人着想，因为如果被外婆发现，她会痛殴他们的。
“My God, Elsa! What happened to your cheek!” Mum bursts out with exclamation marks at the end, when she sees the three red lacerations.
“天啊，爱莎！你的脸怎么了！”妈妈突然蹦出了以感叹号结尾的两句话，她看到那三条红色伤口了。
Elsa rises slightly from the chair and quickly reaches across the desk to give the globe another spin. The headmaster looks close to despair. Elsa sinks back into her chair, satisfied.
爱莎从椅子里微微起身，迅速地够到桌子另一头的地球仪，转了一下。校长看上去快绝望了。爱莎坐回椅子上，心满意足。
Elsa shrugs without answering. Mum turns to the headmaster. Her eyes are burning.
爱莎耸了耸肩，没有回答。妈妈转向校长，眼中燃烧着怒火。
“What happened to her cheek?!”
“她的脸怎么了？！”
The headmaster twists in his seat.
校长在椅子里不安地扭动。
He isn’t pointing at Elsa when he says that last bit, he’s pointing at Mum. Elsa stretches her leg and kicks the wastepaper bin again. Mum takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, then determinedly moves the wastebasket farther under the desk. Elsa looks at her, offended, sinks so deep into the chair that she has to hold on to the armrests to stop herself sliding out, and reaches out with her leg until her toe almost, almost, touches the rim of the wastebasket. Mum sighs. Elsa sighs even louder. The headmaster looks at them and then at the globe on his desk. He pulls it closer to him.
说最后半句时，他没有指爱莎，而是指向了妈妈。爱莎再次伸出了腿去踢废纸篓。妈妈深吸一口气，闭上眼睛，然后果断地把废纸篓挪到桌子下面更远的地方。爱莎看了看她，不太开心，深深地陷进椅子里，拉住扶手不滑下去，然后又伸长了腿，一直伸到脚尖差一点儿，差一点点就能碰到废纸篓的边沿。妈妈叹了口气。爱莎也叹了口气，比她还响。校长看了看她们，又看了看桌上的地球仪。他把地球仪挪到了离自己更近的地方。
“Now, then. Let’s calm ourselves down, now. Think about… I mean, think about your child.”
“好了，好了，请先冷静一下，想想…我是说…想想你的孩子。”
Elsa hates it.
爱莎讨厌这样。
“It’s been a difficult week for the whole family,” Mum interrupts him at once and sounds as if she’s trying to apologize.
“对我们全家来说，这一周都很难熬。”妈妈立刻打断了他，听上去似乎是打算道歉。
“So…” he begins at last, smiling halfheartedly at Mum.
“所以说…”他终于开口，朝妈妈装腔作势地笑了笑。
“We can all empathize with that,” says the headmaster in the manner of someone who doesn’t know the meaning of the word. He looks nervously at the globe. “Unfortunately it’s not the first time Elsa has found herself in conflict at this school.”
“对于这个情况，我们深表同情，”校长口不对心地说，紧张地看着地球仪，“然而，这已经不是爱莎第一次在学校跟同学起冲突了。”
“Not the last either,” Elsa mutters.
“也不是最后一次。”爱莎小声咕哝。
“Mum!!!” Elsa roars with three exclamation marks.
“妈妈！！！”爱莎用三个感叹号的语气吼回去。
“Elsa!” snaps Mum.
“爱莎！”妈妈严厉地说。
The headmaster raises his hands defensively as if apologizing, or possibly as if he’s about to start playing an air tambourine.
校长戒备地举起他的双手，像是在表达歉意，又或者他准备开始打空气鼓[1]。【注：[1]凭空做出自己在打鼓的动作，通常为了表达情绪。】
“A psychologist?” says Mum hesitantly, “Surely that’s a bit dramatic?”
“心理医生？”妈妈迟疑地说，“这是不是有点儿大惊小怪了？”
Mum sighs. Elsa sighs even louder. The headmaster clears his throat and holds the globe with both hands as he says: “We, and by that I mean the staff at this school, obviously in collaboration with the guidance counselor, feel that Elsa could be helped by a psychologist to channel her aggressions.”
妈妈叹了口气。爱莎又更响地叹了口气。校长清了清喉咙，双手抱住地球仪，说：“我们，我的意思是这所学校的职员，当然是和辅导老师商量过的，觉得心理医生也许可以帮助爱莎改正她的好斗问题。”
“It’s not that we think anything is wrong! Absolutely not! Lots of special-needs children benefit from therapy. It’s nothing to be ashamed of!”
“我的意思不是说，爱莎有什么问题！绝对不是！很多特殊儿童都能从心理辅导中获利。没什么不好意思的！”
The headmaster decides to make the globe safe by putting it on the floor next to his chair. Mum leans towards Elsa and exerts herself incredibly not to raise her voice. “If you tell me and the headmaster which of the children are causing you trouble, we can help you solve the conflicts instead of things always ending up like this, darling.”
校长出于安全考虑，决定把地球仪放到自己椅子旁的地板上。妈妈靠近爱莎，努力控制自己的音量：“如果你告诉我和校长，哪个孩子在找你麻烦，我们就可以帮你解决问题，就不必每次都搞成这样了，宝贝。”
Elsa reaches out with the tips of her toes and pushes over the wastepaper basket. “Why don’t you go to a psychologist yourself?”
爱莎伸长脚尖，踢翻了废纸篓。“你自己干吗不去看心理医生？”
Elsa looks up, her lips pressed into a straight line.
爱莎抬起头，嘴唇紧紧抿成一条线。
“Snitches get stitches,” she says succinctly.
“打小报告不得好死。”她就回答了这么一句。
The scratch marks on her cheek have stopped bleeding but they are still as bright as neon lights.
她脸颊上的划痕已经停止流血，但仍然像霓虹灯一样明亮。
“Elsa, please try to cooperate,” the headmaster says, attempting a grimace that Elsa assumes to be his way of smiling a little.
“爱莎，麻烦配合一点儿。”校长摆出了一副怪表情。爱莎估计这就是他微笑的方式。
“You be cooperative,” Elsa replies without an attempt to smile even a little.
“你配合一点儿！”爱莎回答道，没有丝毫微笑的意思。
The headmaster looks at Mum.
校长看向妈妈。
And then the headmaster says she can go into the corridor. He sounds relieved. Elsa marches out, while Mum stays in there, apologizing. Elsa hates it. She just wants to go home so it won’t be Monday anymore.
于是校长说她可以出去了，听上去松了口气。爱莎大步走出房间，妈妈还留在里面，向校长道歉。爱莎讨厌这样。她只想回家，把周一结束掉。
Elsa doesn’t wait for Mum’s answer, because she knows Mum won’t defend her. So she snatches up her backpack from the floor and stands up.
爱莎知道妈妈不会为她说话，所以不等她做回应，就拎起地上的背包站起来。
“We, well, I mean the school staff and I, believe that if Elsa could just try to walk away sometimes when she feels there’s a conflict about to happ –“
“我们，我是说学校老师和我，相信，如果下次将要发生冲突的时候，爱莎能自己主动避开…”
“Can we go now, or what?”
“我们能走了吗？”
During the last lesson before lunch, one of their smarmy teachers told them their assignment over the Christmas holiday would be to prepare a talk on the theme of A Literary Hero I Look Up To. And they were to dress up as their hero and talk about the hero in the first person singular. Everyone had to put up their hands and choose a hero. Elsa was going to go for Harry Potter, but someone else got him first. So when her turn came she said Spider-Man. And then one of the boys behind her got annoyed because he was going for that. And then there was an argument. “You can’t take Spider-Man!” shouted the boy. And Elsa said, “Pity, because I just did!” And then the boy said, “It’s a pity for YOU, yeah!” And then Elsa snorted in English. “Sure!” Because that is Elsa’s favorite word in English. And then the boy shouted that Elsa couldn’t be Spider-Man because “only boys can be Spider-Man!” And then Elsa told him he could be Spider-Man’s girlfriend. And then he pushed Elsa into a radiator. And then Elsa hit him with a book.
上午最后一堂课上，老师布置了一个圣诞假期作业，以“我敬仰的一位文学英雄”为主题准备一场演讲。他们要打扮成英雄的样子，用第一人称来讲述这位英雄的故事。“大家举手发言推选一位英雄。”爱莎本来想选哈利·波特，但被别人抢了先。所以轮到她时，她说“蜘蛛侠”。排在她后面的一个男孩很生气，因为他原打算选蜘蛛侠的。他们就争执起来。“你不能选蜘蛛侠！”那男孩大叫。爱莎说：“真遗憾，我刚刚就这么选了。”那男孩又说：“你才遗憾呢！哼！”爱莎不屑一顾：“呵呵！”爱莎最喜欢这个词。那男孩大喊爱莎不能当蜘蛛侠，因为“只有男孩子才能当蜘蛛侠”！而爱莎却对他说：“你可以做蜘蛛侠的女朋友。”他把爱莎推倒在暖气片上，然后爱莎就用一本书打了他。
Elsa still thinks he should thank her for it, because that’s probably the nearest that boy ever got to a book. But then the teacher came running and put a stop to it all and said that no one could be Spider-Man because Spider-Man only existed in films and so he wasn’t a “literary character.”
爱莎依旧觉得他应该为此感谢她，因为那大概是男孩有生以来距离书本最近的一次。但很快，老师就过来阻止了一切，说谁都不能选蜘蛛侠，因为蜘蛛侠只存在于电影里，不是“文学英雄”。
And then Elsa got possibly a bit disproportionally worked up and asked the teacher if he’d heard of something called Marvel Comics, but the teacher hadn’t. “AND THEY LET YOU TEACH CHILDREN?!” Then Elsa had to sit for ages after the class “having a chat” with the teacher, which was just a lot of teacher-babbling.
大概是爱莎太震惊了，她问老师知不知道“漫威漫画”。老师说不知道。“他们居然让你这种人教小孩？！”——爱莎被留堂跟那位老师“谈话”谈了很久，其实不过是老师自己一个人啰啰唆唆的废话。
The boy and a few others were waiting for her when she came out. So she tightened the straps of her backpack until they hugged her tight like a little koala hanging on to her back, and then she ran.
她走出教室时，那个男孩和其他几个人在外面等她。于是她抽紧了背包的胸带和腰带，让背包像只小树袋熊似的紧紧环抱住自己，然后，拔腿跑掉。
Like many children who are different, she’s good at running. She heard one of the boys roar, “Get her!” and the clattering of footsteps behind her across the icy asphalt. She heard their excited panting. She ran so fast that her knees were hitting her rib cage, and if it hadn’t been for her backpack she would have made it over the fence and into the street, and then they would never have caught up with her. But one of the boys got a grip on her backpack. And of course she could have wriggled out of it and got away.
像其他另类的孩子一样，她很擅长逃跑。她听见其中一个男孩吼道：“抓住她！”身后响起双脚踩踏在结冰的柏油路面上的噔噔声。她听见他们兴奋的喘气声。她跑得膝盖快要撞到胸腔了，要不是背着包，她本可以翻过围栏跑到街上，那样他们就不会捉住她了。但一个男孩抓住了她的包，当然她原本也可以摆脱它，跑掉的。
But Granny’s letter to The Monster was inside. So she turned around and fought.
但外婆给怪物的信在里面，于是她转身开战。
As usual she tried to shield her face so Mum wouldn’t get upset when she saw the damage. But it wasn’t possible to shield both her face and the backpack. So things took their course. “You should choose your battles if you can, but if the battle chooses you then kick the sod in his fuse box!” Granny used to tell Elsa, and that is what Elsa did. Even though she hates violence, she’s good at fighting because she’s had a lot of practice. That’s why there are so many of them now when they chase her.
像往常一样，她想要护住脸，免得妈妈看见伤痕，为此担心。但她没法同时护住脸和背包。所以让他们占了上风。“如果可以，你应该自己选择战斗与否，但如果战斗找上了门，那就狠狠地对着他们的下面来一脚吧！”外婆曾这样说。爱莎照做了。虽然她讨厌暴力，但她很擅长打架，因为她进行过大量练习。这也是为什么对方需要这么多人来追她。
“It wasn’t me that started it! He said girls can’t be Spider-Man!”
“不是我挑起的！他说女孩不能当蜘蛛侠！”
Mum comes out of the headmaster’s office after at least ten eternities of fairy tales, and then they cross the deserted playground without saying anything. Elsa gets into the backseat of Kia with her arms around her backpack. Mum looks unhappy.
起码过了“十个童话永恒”，妈妈才从校长办公室出来，然后她们走过荒凉的操场，一言不发。爱莎坐进起亚的后座，怀里抱着她的背包。妈妈的脸色很难看。
“Please, Elsa –“
“拜托了，爱莎——”
“Yes, but why do you fight?”
“好吧，但你为什么要打架呢？”
“You’re not a little kid, Elsa. You always say I should treat you like a grown-up. So stop answering me like a little kid. Why do you fight?”
“你不是小孩子了，爱莎。你总说我应该像对待成年人那样对你。所以别用这么幼稚的方式回答我的问题。你为什么要打架？”
“Just because!”
“因为所以，科学道理！”
“I’m sad as well, Elsa,” says Mum, swallowing. “She was my mother, not just your grandmother.”
“我也很难过，爱莎。”妈妈哽咽了，“她是我的母亲，不仅仅是你的外婆。”
“I… Elsa… darling, I know what’s happened with Granny has hit you terribly hard. Death is hard for everyone –“
“我…爱莎…宝贝，我知道外婆的事深深打击到了你。对每个人来说，死亡都是件很难…”
“Maybe we should go to a psychologist after all,” she says at last.
“也许我们确实应该去看看心理医生。”妈妈最后说。
“You don’t know anything!” Elsa interrupts and pulls so hard at the rubber seal that, when she lets go, it snaps back against the window with a loud noise.
“你什么都不知道！”爱莎打断了妈妈，使劲扯橡胶密封条，然后放手让它弹回去，打在车窗上，发出一声响亮的“啪”。
“You don’t have to do anything,” Elsa mumbles.
“你不需要做任何事。”爱莎小声念叨。
“Whatever.” That’s her second-favorite word in English.
“随便。”这是她第二喜欢的词语。
Elsa shrugs.
爱莎耸了耸肩。
“You hated her. So don’t talk rubbish.”
“你恨她。所以别胡说了。”
And then Mum tries to reach into the back and caress her gently across her scratch marks, but Elsa snatches her head away.
妈妈朝后座伸出手，想要温柔地抚摸爱莎的伤痕，但爱莎扭过了头。
Elsa pokes at the rubber seal in the door.
爱莎戳着车门的橡胶密封条。
Mum backs Kia out of the parking area and drives off. They sit there in the sort of silent eternity that only mothers and daughters can build up between themselves.
妈妈倒车，把起亚开出停车场，然后上路了。她们坐在那儿，有一种只在妈妈和女儿之间才能形成的永恒的安静氛围。
“Because I’m tired of running.”
“因为我不想再逃跑了。”
“I don’t know what to do,” Mum sighs, holding back her tears.
“我不知道该怎么办。”妈妈叹了口气，忍住眼泪。
“Why are you so horrible?”
“为什么你这么可怕？”
“Yeah. Maybe I should.”
“嗯，也许我应该去。”
“Yeah. Maybe you should!”
“嗯，也许你应该去！”
“Maybe we should talk to a psychologist anyway.”
“也许我们还是应该去看看心理医生。”
Elsa doesn’t answer. Mum massages her temples.
爱莎没有回答。妈妈按摩着自己的太阳穴。
“You were always fighting! You’re probably just GLAD she’s dead!!!”
“你们俩老是吵架！她死了，你大概高兴还来不及呢！！！”
“I did not hate her. She was my mother.”
“我不恨她。她是我的母亲。”
Elsa wishes she’d never said that last bit. But it’s too late. There’s a silence lasting for all imaginable eternities, and she pokes at the rubber seal until its edge comes away from the door. Mum notices, but she doesn’t say anything. When they stop at a red light she puts her hands over her eyes and says resignedly, “I’m really trying here, Elsa. Really trying. I know I’m a bad mother and I’m not at home enough, but I’m really trying…”
爱莎希望收回自己刚才说的话，但太迟了。车里陷入了漫长的死寂，她拨弄着橡胶密封条，直到它的边沿从车门脱落。妈妈注意到了，但她没有说什么。等红灯时，她用双手捂住眼睛，无可奈何地说：“我真的在努力，爱莎。真的在努力。我知道我是一个坏母亲，总是不在家，但我真的在努力…”
“Why are YOU so horrible?”
“为什么你这么可怕？”
“You talk to a psychologist,” says Elsa.
“你才应该去看心理医生呢。”爱莎说。
“Darling. I’m really sad about Granny dying but we have t –“
“宝贝，我真的为外婆的死而伤心，但我们有——”
“No you’re not!”
“不，你才没有！”
And then something happens that hardly ever, ever happens. Mum loses her composure and yells: “YES I BLOODY AM! TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO’S CAPABLE OF BEING UPSET AND STOP BEING SUCH A LITTLE BRAT!”
然后，超级超级罕见的事情发生了。妈妈失去了冷静，大吼道：“该死的我当然有！不要以为只有你一个人会伤心，别总是这么混蛋！”
“Elsa… I… darl –“
“爱莎…我…亲爱的…”
“Cut it out. It’s not good shouting like that,” she mumbles. And then she adds without so much as glancing at her mother: “Think about the baby.”
“行了，这么大喊大叫不好，”她小声地说，然后看了一眼妈妈，“想想小宝宝。”
Elsa shakes her head and pulls off the entire rubber seal from the door in a single tug. She knows she’s won. When Mum loses control, Elsa wins every time.
爱莎摇摇头，一下子把整条橡胶带从车门上扯了下来。她知道她赢了。妈妈一旦失控，爱莎就会赢。
Mum and Elsa stare at each other. Mum covers her mouth with her hand.
妈妈和爱莎瞪着对方。妈妈用手遮住了自己的嘴巴。
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