“What breed is that?” says Lennart very quietly to Elsa, as if he’s afraid the wurse may take offense.
“它是什么品种？”莱纳特很小声地问爱莎，怕冒犯到呜嘶。
“I told you it likes dreams, didn’t I?” says Elsa cheerfully.
“我告诉过你它喜欢‘梦想’的，是吧？”爱莎开心地说。
“A wurse!” says Elsa with satisfaction.
“呜嘶！”爱莎骄傲地说。
Maud doesn’t look quite as convinced once the wurse is sitting on her kitchen rug a few moments later. Especially as it’s literally sitting on the entire kitchen rug.
片刻之后，当呜嘶坐在莫德的厨房地毯上，特别是它大到真的把整块地毯都盖住时，他们似乎就没那么确信了。
Maud nods mutely. Lennart sits on the other side of the table, with an immeasurably terrified-looking Samantha on his lap. The wurse eats dreams, a dozen at a time.
莫德安静地点点头。莱纳特坐在桌子另一侧，无比惊恐的萨曼莎则坐在他的腿上。呜嘶吃着“梦想”，一口十几块。
Lennart nods like you do when you don’t have a clue what something means. Maud opens a new tin of dreams and carefully pushes it across the floor with the tips of her toes. The wurse empties it in three slavering bites, then lifts its head and peers at Maud with eyes as big as hubcaps. Maud takes down another two tins and tries not to look flattered. It doesn’t go so very well.
莱纳特点点头，虽然完全不明白那是什么。莫德又打开了一罐“梦想”，谨慎地把它放在地板上，用脚尖向呜嘶推过去。呜嘶流着口水，三口吃完了，抬起头，睁着像车轮罩那么大的眼睛凝视着莫德。莫德又放下两罐，努力不表现出得意的样子，但没忍住。
Elsa looks at the letter from Granny. It’s lying unfolded and open on the table. Lennart and Maud must have read it while she was in the cellar getting the wurse. Lennart notices her looking, and he puts his hand on her shoulder.
爱莎看着外婆的信。它平摊在桌子上。莱纳特和莫德一定是在她去地下室找呜嘶的时候就读过了。莱纳特注意到她的目光，将手搭上她的肩膀。
“You’re right, Elsa. Your grandmother says sorry.”
“你是对的，爱莎。你外祖母说她很抱歉。”
“Different,” Elsa interjects.
“另类。”爱莎插嘴。
Maud laughs warmly and pats the wurse on the head.
莫德亲切地大笑，轻抚着呜嘶的脑袋。
“Is that what it’s called? Paint-bomb?”
“是叫这个吗？彩球枪？”
“For what?”
“为了什么？”
“You don’t,” says Elsa and likes them for it. Maud starts giggling. “And then she apologized about that time she happened to shoot Lennart from her balcony with one of those, what are they called, paint-bomb guns!”
“你们从没有。”爱莎想，正因为这样她才喜欢他们。莫德咯咯笑了起来。“然后，她说很对不起，有一次她从阳台射中了莱纳特，用那种，叫什么来着，彩球枪！”
Lennart nods at the letter.
莱纳特冲着信点点头。
“Well, it was quite a list. Your grandmother was certainly –“
“嗯，挺多事情。你外祖母真的很——”
Maud gives the wurse some cinnamon buns and half a length of sweet cake.
莫德给了呜嘶一些肉桂卷和半块甜蛋糕。
“First of all she apologizes for telling us off so often. And for being angry so often. And for arguing and causing problems. It’s really nothing to apologize about, all people do that from time to time!” he says, as if apologizing for Granny apologizing.
“首先，她为总是责备我们感到抱歉，还有总是生气，还有争吵和制造麻烦。其实这些没有什么可抱歉的，谁都有那种时候嘛！”他仿佛是在为外婆的道歉而道歉。
Suddenly she looks embarrassed.
她突然不好意思起来。
“Once your grandmother even got Britt-Marie — there was a big pink stain on her floral-print jacket, and that’s Britt-Marie’s favorite jacket and the stain wouldn’t even go away with Vanish! Can you imagine?”
“有一次你外祖母还打中了布里特—玛丽——在她的印花外套上留下个很大的粉红污点，那是布里特—玛丽最喜欢的外套，最后用‘渍无踪’都洗不掉！你能想象吗？”
Elsa nods. Even though it isn’t. Maud looks proud.
虽然并不叫这个名字，但爱莎点了点头。莫德看上去很自豪。
Maud titters. And then she looks very guilty.
莫德偷笑之后，好像又有点儿内疚。
He looks at Elsa, but when she looks back at him he lets his hair fall over his brow, like Elsa sometimes does. He’s about a year younger, but almost exactly as tall, and they have the same hairstyle and almost the same color too. The only thing that sets them apart is that Elsa is different and the boy has a syndrome, which is a very special kind of difference.
他看着爱莎，但当爱莎回看他时，他却低头让头发盖住了眉眼，就像爱莎有时候会做的那样。他比爱莎小一岁，但差不多高，他们的发型和发色也几乎一样。唯一的不同是，爱莎比较另类，而那男孩生了病，其实也算是另一种“另类”。
“What else does Granny apologize about?” Elsa asks, hoping for more stories about someone shooting that paintball gun at Britt-Marie. But Lennart’s chin drops towards his chest. He looks at Maud and she nods, and Lennart turns to Elsa and says: “Your granny wrote that she was sorry for asking us to tell you the whole story. Everything you have to know.”
“外婆还为什么道歉了？”爱莎问，想听更多的故事，除了布里特—玛丽被彩弹枪射中这种事情。但莱纳特低下了头。他看着莫德，她点点头。莱纳特转向爱莎说：“你外祖母说她很抱歉，叫我们告诉你整件事情。所有你应该知道的事情。”
“What story?” Elsa’s about to ask, but she suddenly becomes aware of someone standing behind her. She twists round in her chair, and the boy with a syndrome is standing in the bedroom doorway with a cuddly lion in his arms.
“什么事？”爱莎正打算问，突然感觉身后有人。她坐在椅子上转过身体，生病男孩正站在卧室门口，怀里抱着只毛绒狮子。
The boy doesn’t say anything, because he never does. Maud kisses his forehead and whispers, “Nightmare?” and the boy nods. Maud gets a big glass of milk and a whole tin of dreams, takes his hand, and leads him back into the bedroom, while robustly saying: “Come on, let’s chase it away at once!”
男孩没说话，他从来不说话。莫德亲了亲他的前额，小声问：“做噩梦了？”男孩点点头。莫德倒了一大杯牛奶，拿了一整罐“梦想”，拉着他的手，带他回卧室，同时用坚定的语气说：“来，让我们马上赶跑它们！”
Lennart turns to Elsa.
莱纳特转向爱莎。
“I think your grandmother wanted me to start at the beginning.”
“我觉得你外祖母想让我从头说起。”
And that was the day Elsa heard the story of the boy with a syndrome. A fairy tale she’d never heard before. A tale so terrible it makes you want to hug yourself as hard as you can. Lennart tells her about the boy’s father, who has more hatred in him than anyone could think would be possible to fit into one person. The father used narcotics. Lennart stops himself, and seems worried about frightening Elsa, but she straightens her back and buries her hands in the wurse’s fur and says it doesn’t matter. Lennart asks if she knows what narcotics are, and she says she’s read about them on Wikipedia.
那天，爱莎知道了生病男孩的故事，一个她从没有听过的故事。这故事可怕得让你想将自己的身体紧紧蜷缩起来。莱纳特说，男孩的父亲内心有常人不可想象的仇恨。那父亲吸毒。莱纳特顿了顿，似乎是担心吓到爱莎，但她坐直了身体，双手埋在呜嘶的毛里，说没有关系的。莱纳特问她知不知道毒品是什么，她说自己在维基百科上看过。
Lennart describes how the father became a different creature when he used drugs. How he became dark in his soul. How he hit the boy’s mother while she was pregnant, because he didn’t want to become anyone’s father. Lennart’s eyes start blinking more and more slowly, and he says that maybe it was because the father feared the child would be as he was. Filled with hatred and violence. So when the boy was born, and the doctors said he had a syndrome, the father was beside himself with rage. He couldn’t tolerate that the child was different. Maybe it was because he hated everything that was different. Maybe because, when he looked at the boy, he saw everything that was different in himself.
莱纳特形容那父亲在吸毒之后，会变成怎样一个不同的人。灵魂变得阴暗。他在男孩母亲怀孕的时候打她，因为他不想成为任何人的父亲。莱纳特的眼睛开始眨得越来越慢，说也许是因为那父亲害怕孩子会变成像他一样的人——充满仇恨和暴力。当男孩出生，而医生说他有先天性疾病的时候，那父亲愤怒至极。他不能容忍那个孩子和正常人不一样。或许是因为，他讨厌一切异乎寻常的东西。也或许因为，当他看着那男孩时，他看到的所有一切都与自己不同。
“We found them. We’d been trying, for such a long time, to make her take the boy and leave, but she was so afraid. We were all so afraid. He was a terribly dangerous man,” she whispers.
“是我们找到了他们。我们试了很久，想说服她带着男孩离开，但她太害怕了。我们也都很害怕。他是个非常危险的男人。”她小声说。
Maud’s voice moves gently through the silence that Lennart leaves behind him in the kitchen. In the bedroom the boy with a syndrome snores, which is one of the first sounds Elsa has ever heard him make. Maud’s fingertips scramble about among the empty cookie tins on the kitchen counter.
莫德轻柔的声音在莱纳特陷入安静之后在厨房响起。卧室里生病男孩发出鼾声，这是爱莎第一次听见他发出声音。厨房里，莫德的手指摆弄着厨案上那些空了的饼干罐。
So he drank alcohol, took more of that stuff on Wikipedia, and disappeared for entire nights and sometimes for weeks on end, without anyone knowing where he was. Sometimes he came home utterly calm and withdrawn. Sometimes he cried, explaining that he’d had to keep out of the way until he’d wrung his own anger out of himself. As if there were something dark living in him that was trying to transform him, and he was struggling against it. He could remain calm for weeks after that. Or months.
所以他酗酒，服用更多爱莎在维基百科上查过的那东西，然后整晚整晚地消失，有时甚至整周都不见踪影，没人知道他在哪里。有时候，他沉默地回家，整个人非常平静。有时他哭着解释他必须躲开，直到内心的怒火发泄完。他体内存在着一些黑暗的东西，想要改变他，而他正努力与之抗争。痛哭一场，他可以保持冷静好几周，或者好几个月。
Then one night the dark took possession of him. He hit and hit and hit them until neither of them was moving anymore. And then he ran.
有一天晚上，黑暗再次控制了他。他不停地殴打他们，直到其中一个不再动弹。然后他逃跑了。
“We knew your grandmother. From the hospital. We ran a café back then, you see, for the doctors, and your grandmother came there every day. A dozen dreams and a dozen cinnamon buns, every single day! I don’t know how it started, really. But your grandmother was the sort of person one told things to, if you see what I mean? I didn’t know what to do about Sam. I didn’t know who to turn to. We were so terribly frightened, all of us, but I called her. She arrived in her rusty old car in the middle of the night –“
“我们认识你的外祖母，在医院认识的。那时候我们开了一家服务医生的咖啡店。你外祖母每天都来，每天都买一打饼干和肉桂卷！我都不知道是怎么开始的，但你外祖母是那种让人想向她倾诉事情的人，如果你明白我的意思的话。我不知道该拿山姆怎么办，也不知道该找谁帮忙。我们被吓坏了，我们所有人，但我给她打了电话。她在半夜开着她那辆破旧的汽车来了——”
Elsa grips the wurse tighter.
爱莎把呜嘶抱得更紧。
“Renault!” Elsa exclaims, because for some reason she has a sense that he deserves his name in the fairy tale if he’s the one who came to their rescue. Lennart clears his throat with a sad smile.
“雷诺！”爱莎纠正道，不知为何她觉得在这个童话故事里，雷诺值得被点名，既然它是来营救他们的那辆车。莱纳特忧郁地笑了笑，清清嗓子。
“Then what did you do?”
“你们后来做了什么？”
“Her Renault, yes. We took the boy and his mother with us and your grandmother drove here. Gave us the keys to the flats. I can’t think how she got her hands on them, but she said she’d clear it with the owners of the building. We’ve been living here ever since.”
“她的雷诺，没错。我们带着男孩和他妈妈，而你的外祖母开车来了，给了我们公寓的钥匙。我不知道她怎么拿到钥匙的，但她说已经和这栋楼的所有者说好了。从那时起，我们就住在这里。”
Maud crumples up by the kitchen table. She has an envelope in her hand, just like the one Elsa arrived with.
莫德在餐桌旁颤巍巍地坐下。她手里拿着一个信封，跟爱莎送来的一样。
“He disappeared. Disappeared for years. We thought he’d never give up trying to find us, but he was gone for so long that we hoped –” says Lennart, interrupting himself as if the words are too heavy for his tongue.
“他消失了，消失了好几年。我们本以为他不会放弃寻找我们，但他走了太久，于是我们希望——”莱纳特不说了，似乎接下来的话对他的舌头来说太沉重了。
Lennart stops himself the way one does when suddenly reminding oneself that one is talking to a child. Fast-forwards through the story.
莱纳特突然停下，意识到自己是在和一个孩子说话，所以要将故事快进。
Lennart’s hand seeks Maud’s fingers.
莱纳特的手伸向莫德的手指。
“And the father? What happened when he realized everyone was gone?” Elsa wants to know, although she actually doesn’t want to know.
“那个父亲呢？他发现所有人都离开之后怎么样了？”爱莎想知道，虽然她其实并不想知道。
“Well, of course, he was already gone by the time the police came. And Alf, gosh, I don’t know. He was patched up at the hospital and drove home by himself and never said a word about it again. And two days later he was driving his cab again. He’s made of steel, that man.”
“然后，当然，警察来的时候他已经走了。而阿尔夫，天啊，我不知道。他去医院包扎，然后自己开车回家，再也没有对这件事提过一个字。两天后，他又开起他的出租车来了。他简直是钢铁之躯，那个男人。”
“And the father?” Elsa persists.
“那个父亲呢？”爱莎追问。
“We don’t know. But your grandmother came here with Alf, and said this is Alf and he’s going to fetch all the boy’s things. And she went back there with Alf and the boy’s father turned up and he was… nothing but darkness then. Darkness from deep inside. He hit Alf something terrible –“
“我们不知道，但你外祖母是和阿尔夫一起来的，说阿尔夫会去取那男孩的所有东西。然后她和阿尔夫回去，男孩的父亲出现了，他那时…非常黑暗，从内心深处散发出的黑暗。他狠狠地打了阿尔夫——”
Lennart’s eyes creep along the tabletop.
莱纳特的视线沿着桌面移动。
“But now he’s found us,” Maud fills in.
“但现在他找到我们了。”莫德接上话。
“How?” asks Elsa.
“怎么找到的？”爱莎问。
“Me?” Elsa gulps.
“我？”爱莎倒吸一口气。
Elsa closes her eyes. Her temples are burning, and for the first time in her life she uses pure and furious willpower to go to the Land-of-Almost-Awake without even being close to sleeping. With all the most powerful force of imagination she can muster she calls up the cloud animals and flies to Miaudacas. Gathers up all the courage she can carry. Then she pries her eyes open and looks at Lennart and Maud and says:
爱莎闭上眼睛。她的太阳穴发烫，有生以来第一次，她没有一丝想睡觉的念头，凭借纯粹的意志力去了不眠大陆。用最强大的想象力，她召来云兽，飞往密奥达卡斯，收集所有她能带上的勇气。然后她睁开眼睛，看着莱纳特和莫德。
“Alf thinks he found your grandmother’s death notice, you see. And using that he found the undertaker’s. And there he found –” he starts to say, then looks as if he’s reminding himself of something once again.
“阿尔夫认为他发现了你外祖母的讣告，然后找到了殡仪馆。而在那里，他找到了——”他看上去似乎又在提醒自己什么。
Lennart nods and Maud lets go of his hand and runs around the table and embraces Elsa.
莱纳特点点头，而莫德松开他的手，越过桌子，抱住爱莎。
“Dear, dear Elsa! You have to understand, he hasn’t seen the boy in many years. And you’re about the same size and you have the same hair. He thinks you’re our grandchild.”
“亲爱的、亲爱的爱莎！你要明白，他很多年没见过那男孩了。你们俩差不多大，头发也一样。他以为你是我们的孙子。”
“So you’re his mother’s parents?”
“所以你们是他母亲的父母？”
Lennart’s tears fall onto the tablecloth like rain against a windowsill.
莱纳特的眼泪滴在洗碗布上，就像雨滴在窗沿。
Elsa squints.
爱莎眯起眼睛。
Maud’s chest rises and sinks and she pats the wurse on the head and goes to fetch a chocolate cake. Samantha looks cautiously at the wurse. Lennart goes to get more coffee. His cup trembles so much that it spills onto the countertop.
莫德的胸膛起伏，她抚摸着呜嘶的脑袋，起身拿来一个巧克力蛋糕。萨曼莎警惕地看着呜嘶。莱纳特去倒更多咖啡。他的杯子抖得很厉害，里面的咖啡都洒到了长椅上。
“You’re the father’s parents?”
“你们是那个父亲的父母？”
“You’re a grandmother and grandfather above all things! Always! Always!” Maud adds with unshakable defiance, and her eyes burn in a way that Elsa wouldn’t have believed was possible in Maud.
“在所有身份之前，你首先是一个祖母或者祖父！永远！永远是这样！”莫德坚定地补充。她的眼睛燃烧起来，在此之前爱莎绝不相信莫德会露出这种眼神。
“No. We’re his father’s parents.”
“不，我们是他父亲的父母。”
“I know it sounds terrible, Elsa, taking a child from his father. To do that to your own son. But when you become grandparents, then you are grandparents first and foremost…” he whispers sadly.
“我知道这听起来很糟糕，爱莎，从一个父亲那里把孩子带走。对自己的儿子做这种事。但当你成为祖父母时，你首先是孩子的祖父母…”他难过地低语。
It has Granny’s handwriting on it. Elsa doesn’t recognize the name, but she understands it’s for the boy’s mother.
上面是外婆的笔迹。爱莎不认识那名字，但她猜是男孩的妈妈。
Then she gives Elsa the envelope she got from the bedroom.
然后她把那封从卧室拿来的信递给爱莎。
“She changed her name when we moved here,” Maud explains and, in the softest voice possible, adds: “Your grandmother left this letter with us months ago. She said you had to come for it. She knew you’d come.”
“我们搬来时，她改了名字。”莫德温柔地解释说：“你外祖母几个月前留给我们这封信。她说你会来拿的。她知道你会来的。”
Lennart inhales unhappily. His and Maud’s eyes meet again, then he explains: “But I’m afraid that first of all we have to tell you about our son, Elsa. We have to tell you about Sam. And that’s one of the things your grandmother apologizes for in her letter. She writes that she’s sorry she saved Sam’s life…”
莱纳特难过地呼出一口气。他和莫德互看了一眼，然后说：“但恐怕我们得先告诉你我们儿子的事情，爱莎。我们必须告诉你山姆的事。那是你外祖母在她的信里道歉的事情之一。她说，她很抱歉救了山姆的命…”
Night comes to the streets outside the window. The kitchen smells of coffee and chocolate cake. And Elsa listens to the story of Sam.
窗外，夜色降临至街道。厨房散发着咖啡和巧克力蛋糕的气味。爱莎聆听着山姆的故事。
Maud’s voice cracks until her words are like little whistles: “And then she wrote that she was sorry for writing to say she was sorry about it, sorry for regretting that she had saved our son’s life. Sorry because she no longer knew if he deserved to live. Even though she was a doctor…”
莫德的声音渐渐微弱，直到她的话语如同轻轻的耳语：“然后她写，很抱歉写信给我们说抱歉，抱歉后悔救了我们的儿子。抱歉因为她不确定他是否还值得活着，虽然她是位医生…”
The son of the world’s kindest couple, who became more evil than anyone could understand. Who became the father of the boy with a syndrome, who, in turn, had less evil in him than anyone could have believed, as if his father took it all on his shoulders and passed none of it on. She heard the story of how Sam was once a little boy himself, and how Maud and Lennart, who had waited for a child for so long, had loved him, as parents love their children. As all parents, even the very, very worst possible, must at some point have loved their children. That is how Maud puts it. “Because otherwise one can’t be a human being, I just can’t imagine one could be a human otherwise,” she whispers. And she insists that it has to be her fault, because she can’t imagine that any child is born evil. It has to be the mother’s fault if a boy who was once so small and helpless grows up into something so terrible, she’s quite sure of that. In spite of Elsa saying that Granny always said some people are actually just shits and that it’s no one else’s fault other than the shit’s.
世界上最善良的一对父母的儿子，却变成了无人能理解的恶魔，变成了生病男孩的父亲。而男孩的身上没有一丝邪恶，就好像他父亲自己承担了一切，没有将分毫传给他的儿子。她聆听着这故事。山姆曾经也是个小男孩，是莫德和莱纳特期盼了很久的孩子，他们深爱着他。所有父母，就算再怎么不可能，都曾经爱过他们的孩子。这是莫德说的。“否则，那就不是人类了，我不相信这世上有没爱过自己孩子的父母。”她轻声说。她坚持说是自己的错，因为她不能想象有哪个孩子一生下来就是邪恶的。如果一个无助的小男孩成长为一个坏人，那一定是母亲的错。她坚持这么认为，并不理会爱莎说的——外婆总说有些人就是一坨屎，那不是任何人的错，只能怪那坨屎本身。
They went home together and his friend introduced Sam to a girl he knew, and she saw something in Sam and for a brief moment Lennart and Maud also got to see a glimpse of someone else. A Sam beyond the darkness.
他们一起回了家，他的朋友把自己认识的一个女孩介绍给山姆，她看上了山姆。有那么短暂的一段时日，莱纳特和莫德似乎看到了另一个儿子，一个不再黑暗的山姆。
“But Sam was always so angry, I don’t know where all that anger came from. There must have been a darkness in me that I passed over to him, and I don’t know where it came from,” Maud whispers, quite crushed.
“但山姆总是很生气，我不知道那些怒火是从哪里来的。肯定是我身上有什么我也不知道哪儿来的黑暗面传给了他。”莫德小声说，伤心欲绝。
And then she talks about a boy who grew up and always fought, always tormented other children at school, always chased those who were different. And about how when he was an adult he became a soldier and went to far-off lands because he thirsted for war, and how he met a friend there. His first real friend. About how everyone who saw it said that it had changed him, brought out something good in him. His friend was also a soldier, but another sort of soldier, without that thirst. They became inseparable. Sam said his friend was the bravest warrior he had ever seen.
她说，那个孩子从小就打架，总是欺负学校里的其他孩子，总是追打那些不一样的孩子。成年后，他当了兵，去了国外，因为他渴望战争，然后他在那里交了一个朋友，他第一个真正的朋友。所有人都觉得，这改变了他，唤醒了他内心善良的一面。他的朋友也是位士兵，和他完全不同，没有那种渴望。他们形影不离。山姆说他的朋友是他见过的最勇敢的战士。
“We thought she’d save him, we all hoped so much that she’d save him, because it would have been like a fairy tale, and when one has lived in the dark for so long it’s so very difficult not to believe in fairy tales,” Maud admits, while Lennart clasps her hand.
“我们认为她拯救了他，我们都太希望她能拯救他了，因为那就像是一个童话故事。然而一个长期生活在黑暗中的人，很难相信童话故事。”莫德承认，而莱纳特握紧了她的手。
“He used to be an idealist,” Maud interjects gloomily. “Despite all that hatred and anger, he was an idealist. That’s why he wanted to be a soldier.”
“他曾经是个理想主义者。”莫德忧郁地插话，“尽管有那些仇恨和怒火，他还是个理想主义者。所以他想当兵。”
“Of course we have a computer,” says Lennart, puzzled. “Who doesn’t these days?”
“我们当然有电脑。”莱纳特茫然地说，“现在谁还没有啊？”
“But then those little circumstances of life came up,” Lennart sighs, “like in so many fairy tales. And maybe it wasn’t Sam’s fault. Or maybe it was entirely Sam’s fault. Maybe it’s for people much wiser than I to decide whether every person is completely responsible for their actions or not. But Sam went back to the wars. And he came home even darker.”
“但是在那之后，种种生活的小细节又出了问题，”莱纳特叹了口气，“就像很多童话故事里那样。也许不是山姆的错。又或许全是山姆的错。或许比我睿智很多的人才能决定，每个人的行为是否由他们自己全权负责。山姆回到了战场。而再次回家时，他变得更加黑暗了。”
“If you have a computer, I mean!” she adds apologetically, because she thinks about the palaver she had with Wolfheart when she asked him the same thing.
“我是说，如果你们有电脑的话？”她带着歉意补充，因为想到了她跟狼心说这事时白费了工夫。
Quite right, thinks Elsa, and decides to bring it up with Wolfheart next time he turns up. If there is another time.
没错，爱莎想，决定下次狼心出现的时候跟他说。如果他还会出现的话。
And then Elsa asks if she can borrow Maud and Lennart’s computer.
然后爱莎问，她是否可以借一下莫德和莱纳特的电脑。
Lennart leads her past the bedroom. In the little study at the far end of the flat, he explains that their computer is very old, of course, so she has to have a bit of patience. And on a table in there is the most unwieldy computer Elsa has ever seen, and at the back of the actual computer is a gigantic box, and on the floor is another box.
莱纳特带她穿过卧室，来到公寓另一头的一间小书房，他说他们的电脑很旧，她得有点儿耐心。桌上是一台爱莎见过的最笨重的电脑，在那台电脑后面有个巨大的盒子，地上还有一个盒子。
“That’s the actual computer,” says Lennart.
“那才是真正的电脑。”莱纳特说。
“So it means a dreamer. An idealist, I mean. It means a dreamer.”
“所以它的意思是‘梦想家’。我是说，‘理想主义者’这个词，它的意思是‘梦想家’。”
“And what about that?” asks Elsa and points at the other box.
“那又是什么？”爱莎指着另一个盒子。
“What’s that?” says Elsa, pointing at the box on the floor.
“那是什么？”爱莎指着地上的盒子。
“A MINUTE!” Elsa bursts out, then mumbles: “Wow. It really is old.”
“一分钟！”爱莎叫出声来，接着小声念叨，“哇，这真的很旧了。”
“That’s the monitor,” says Lennart and presses a big button on the box on the floor, then adds: “It’ll take a minute or so before it starts, so we’ll have to wait a bit.”
“显示器。”莱纳特边说边按下地上盒子上的一个大按钮，补充道，“开机需要一分钟左右，我们要等一下。”
“It’s not that you could say it. It’s what it actually means,” Elsa corrects.
“不是‘可以这么说’。它就是这个意思。”爱莎纠正道。
And then Maud nods, even friendlier. And then she tells the story of the idealist who turned into a cynic, and Elsa knows what that means because a teacher at Elsa’s preschool once called Elsa that. There was an uproar when Elsa’s mum found out about it, but the teacher stood his ground. Elsa can’t remember the exact details, but she thinks it was that time she told the other preschool pupils how sausages were made.
莫德点点头，露出更加友善的表情。然后她讲述了一个理想主义者如何变成愤世嫉俗者的故事，爱莎知道这个词，因为幼儿园有个老师曾经这么叫爱莎。爱莎妈妈得知后，引起了一阵骚乱，但那个老师还是坚持他的观点。爱莎不记得具体的细节，但她认为那应该是她告诉其他小朋友香肠是怎么做出来的之后。
“Yes, yes, you could probably say that,” says Maud with a friendly smile.
“是的，是的，可以这么说。”莫德友善地微笑道。
But when the old computer has eventually started and Lennart after many ifs and buts has got her on to the Internet and she has found what she is looking for, she goes back into the kitchen and sits opposite Maud.
老电脑终于开机，莱纳特费了好一番工夫才让她上了网，她找到想找的东西之后，就回到厨房，在莫德对面坐下。
She wonders if she’s thinking about these things as a kind of defense mechanism. For this tale really has too much reality in it. It often happens, when you’re almost eight, that there’s just too much reality.
她在想，回忆一些无关痛痒的事是不是一种防御机制。因为莫德的故事里有太多的现实。如果你即将八岁，那么你听到的故事里，就会包含越来越多的真实。
They were on their way through the desert when they hit the mine. The explosion was merciless. There was a rain of fire and blood.
他们穿越沙漠的途中，轧到了一颗地雷。冷酷无情的爆炸让火团和鲜血如雨般洒下。
Maud describes how Sam went off to a new war. He had his friend with him, and for several weeks they had been protecting a village from attack by people who, for some reason unknown to Maud, wanted to kill all who lived there. In the end they received an order to abandon the place, but Sam’s friend refused. He convinced Sam and the rest of the soldiers to stay until the village was safe, and took as many injured children as they could fit into their cars to the nearest hospital, many miles away, because Sam’s friend knew a woman who worked as a doctor there, and everyone said she was the most skillful surgeon in the whole world.
莫德讲述了山姆去参加某场战争的经历。他和他的朋友一起，在长达几周的时间里都在保护一个村庄免受袭击。有些人出于莫德也不理解的原因想要杀光那里所有的人。最后他们接到命令，放弃村子，但山姆的朋友拒绝受命。他说服山姆和其他的士兵留下，直到村庄安全，还用他们的车载上尽可能多的受伤的孩子前往几英里外的医院，因为山姆的朋友认识那里的一位女医生，所有人都说她是全世界最好的外科医生。
“Did anyone die?” asks Elsa, without really wanting to know the answer.
“有人死吗？”爱莎其实并不想知道答案。
“All of them,” says Lennart, without wanting to speak the words out loud. Except Sam’s friend and Sam himself. Sam was unconscious, but his friend dragged him out of the fire, Sam was the only one he had time to save. The friend had shrapnel in his face and terrible burns, but when he heard the shots and realized they’d been ambushed, he grabbed his rifle and ran into the desert and didn’t stop firing until only he and Sam lay there in the desert, panting and bleeding.
“所有人。”莱纳特说着他并不想说出口的答案。除了山姆的朋友和山姆自己。山姆陷入了昏迷，是他的朋友拖着他离开火焰，山姆是他唯一有时间救出的人。那朋友的脸上中了弹片，严重烧伤，但在听见枪声、知道他们被伏击时，他抓起枪，冲进沙漠，一直射击到只剩他和山姆躺在沙漠中，喘着气，流着血。
Somehow he managed to carry Sam through the desert and didn’t stop until he came to the hospital and Elsa’s grandmother came running towards them. She saved Sam’s life. He would always have a slight limp in one leg, but he would survive, and it was at that hospital that Sam started smoking Granny’s brand of cigarettes. Granny also apologizes about that in the letter.
没人知道他是如何办到的，但他硬生生拖着山姆穿过沙漠，一直走到了那所医院。爱莎的外婆向他们跑去，她救了山姆的命。他的一条腿跛了，但他活了下来。就在那所医院，山姆开始抽外婆抽的那个牌子的烟。外婆在信里也为此而道歉。
The people who had been shooting at him were boys. Children, just like the children the soldiers had just tried to save. Sam’s friend could see that, as he stood over their dead bodies, with their blood on his hands. And he was never the same again.
那些袭击者是些男孩。孩子，就像士兵之前想要救的孩子一样。山姆的朋友站在他们的尸体旁，手上沾满了他们的鲜血。从此之后，他就变了。
“He was always such a soft boy, Sam’s friend. I always thought he had the soul of a poet. They were so different, him and Sam. It’s so terribly difficult to imagine he would do all that he did to save Sam’s life. That the place they were in could have made him such a fearsome…”
“他一直是那么温柔的男孩，山姆的朋友，我总觉得他有一颗诗人的心。他们非常不同，他和山姆。难以想象他会为了救山姆的命做到那个地步。他们待的那个地方会让他变成那么可怕的…”
Maud carefully places the photo album in front of Elsa, as if it were a small creature with feelings. Points at a photo of the boy with a syndrome’s mother. She’s standing between Lennart and Maud and wearing a bridal gown and they are laughing, all three of them.
莫德小心翼翼地将相册放在爱莎面前，就好像它是一只有感情的小生物。她指着一张照片，上面是生病男孩的母亲。她站在莫德和莱纳特中间，穿着婚纱，他们正开怀大笑。他们三个人都是。
“I think Sam’s friend was in love with her. But he introduced her to Sam and they fell in love instead. I don’t think Sam’s friend ever said anything. They were like brothers, those two, can you imagine? I think his friend was just too kind to mention his own feelings, do you understand?”
“我觉得山姆的朋友其实爱着她，但在介绍山姆和她认识后，那两个人就相爱了。山姆的朋友也许什么都没说，他们就像兄弟，那两个人，你能想象吗？我觉得他的朋友只是太善良，没有说出自己的感受，你明白吗？”
Elsa understands. Maud smiles.
爱莎明白的。莫德笑了笑。
She is silent for a long time, overcome with sorrow.
她陷入沉默好一会儿，被悲伤淹没。
It’s Sam. He is standing somewhere in a desert, wearing a uniform and supporting himself on crutches. Next to him stands Elsa’s granny with a stethoscope around her neck. And between them stands Sam’s best friend. Wolfheart.
是山姆。他站在沙漠里，穿着军装，拄着拐杖。在他身边站着外婆，她的脖子上挂着个听诊器。在他们两个人中间站着山姆最好的朋友。狼心。
“Warrior,” she whispers, turning the page of the photo album.
“战士。”她低声说，翻过一页相册。
Elsa doesn’t need to see the photo to know who it’s of.
爱莎不用看照片就知道是谁。
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