It is very, very difficult to be the one who has to stay behind and live without them.
作为被留下的人，在失去他们后，生活真的非常非常艰难。
It’s difficult ending a fairy tale. All tales have to end sometime, of course. Some can’t finish soon enough. This one, for example, could feasibly have been rounded off and packed away long ago. The problem is this whole issue of heroes at the ends of fairy tales, and how they are supposed to “live happily to the end of their days.” This gets tricky, from a narrative perspective, because the people who reach the end of their days must leave others who have to live out their days without them.
结束一个童话故事很难。当然，所有故事都得在某个时刻结束。有些不能结束得太早。比方说，这个故事本可以很早之前就结束。但问题是，在童话故事的结尾，主角们似乎总是应该“幸福快乐地生活，直到生命的尽头”。这有点儿麻烦，从情节角度出发，如果有人走到了生命的尽头，那么他们肯定抛下了其他一些人，让这些人在失去他们后继续生活。
It’s dark by the time they leave the vet’s. They used to make snow-angels outside the house on the night before Elsa’s birthday. That was the only night of the year Granny didn’t say crappy things about the angels. It was one of Elsa’s favorite traditions. She goes with Alf in Taxi. Not so much because she doesn’t want to go with Dad, but because Dad told her Alf was furious with himself for being in the garage with Taxi when the whole thing with Sam happened. Angry because he wasn’t there to protect Elsa.
他们离开动物医院的时候，天色已晚。以前外婆总会在爱莎生日的前一夜和她在屋外做雪天使。每年只有这一天，外婆不会说天使们的坏话。这是爱莎最喜欢的传统之一。她乘阿尔夫的出租车离开，并不是不想坐爸爸的车，而是因为爸爸告诉爱莎，阿尔夫非常自责，在山姆出现、发生整件事的时候，他正在车库里取车。他自责没能及时保护爱莎。
Alf and Elsa don’t talk very much in Taxi, of course; this is what happens when you don’t have so much to say. And when Elsa at last says she has to do something at home on their way to the hospital, Alf doesn’t ask why. He just drives. He’s good in that way, Alf.
阿尔夫和爱莎坐在出租车里，没怎么说话，当然本来也没什么可说的。后来爱莎终于开口说，她在去医院之前要回家做点儿事情，阿尔夫没有问原因。他只是开着车。他这点特别好，阿尔夫。
“I’m bloody sixty-four years old,” grunts Alf.
“我都六十四岁了。”阿尔夫哼哼道。
“That’s not an answer.”
“这不是答案。”
“Can you make snow-angels?” asks Elsa when Taxi stops outside the house.
“你会做雪天使吗？”出租车停在公寓楼外面时，爱莎问。
Alf turns off Taxi’s engine. “I may be sixty-four years old, but I wasn’t sixty-four when I was born! Course I can make bloody snow-angels!”
阿尔夫把出租车熄火。“我现在也许是六十四岁，但出生时可不是！我当然会做雪天使！”
And then they make snow-angels. Ninety-nine of them. And they never talk much about it afterwards. Because certain kinds of friends can be friends without talking much.
然后他们开始做雪天使，做了九十九个，之后就再也没有提起这件事。有些人不需要说话也能成为朋友。
The woman in jeans sees them from her balcony. She laughs. She’s getting good at that.
穿着牛仔裤的女人从她的阳台上看见了他们，大笑起来。她现在越来越擅长笑了。
Dad is waiting for them at the hospital entrance when they get there. A doctor goes past who, for a moment, Elsa thinks she might recognize. And then she sees George, and she runs across the entire waiting room and throws herself into his arms. He is wearing his shorts over his leggings and he has a glass of ice-cold water for Mum in his hand.
到达医院时，爸爸正在大门口等着他们。一位医生经过，爱莎有一瞬间觉得可能是她认识的人。然后她看见了乔治，她跑过整个候诊室，投入他的怀抱。他穿着紧身裤，外面套着短裤，手上端着一杯给妈妈的冰水。
Elsa nods. “I know. That’s because you’re different.”
爱莎点点头。“我知道，这是你的特别之处。”
“Thanks for running!” says Elsa, with her arms around him.
“谢谢你跑步过来！”爱莎抱着他说。
“I’m quite good at running,” he says quietly.
“我很擅长跑步。”他小声说。
“What’s that got to do with anything?” the nurse thunders. “No visitors today!” she snaps with absolute certainty before spinning around and marching back into Mum’s room.
“那有什么关系？”护士怒喝，“今天不许探病！”她坚定地说完这句话，转身大步走进了妈妈的病房。
Dad and Elsa stay where they are, patiently waiting and nodding, because they suspect this will sort itself out. For Mum may be Mum, but she is also Granny’s daughter. Remember the man in the silver car, just before Elsa was born? No one should mess with Mum when she’s giving birth.
爸爸和爱莎站在原地，耐心地等着，点着头，他们估计这事马上就能解决。因为妈妈虽然是妈妈，但也是外婆的女儿。还记得爱莎快出生时，那个银色轿车里的男人吗？在妈妈生孩子期间，没人能惹她。
Dad looks at Elsa and you can see he’s jealous but trying not to show it. He’s good like that. George looks at her too, overwhelmed.
爸爸看着爱莎，能看出他在吃醋但努力不表现出来。他这样做很棒。乔治也看着她，非常惊喜。
And then she goes with Dad to see Mum. And George stays behind for so long with the glass of water that in the end it’s back to room temperature.
然后她和爸爸一起去看望妈妈。乔治端着冰水，在原地站了很久，最后冰水都变成常温的了。
There’s a stern-looking nurse standing outside Mum’s room who refuses to let Elsa inside, because apparently Mum has had a complicated delivery. That’s how the nurse puts it, sounding very firm and emphatic when she pronounces the “com” in “complicated.” Elsa’s dad clears his throat.
妈妈的病房外站着一位表情严肃的护士，她不让爱莎进去，因为妈妈刚经历了一场非常艰难的分娩。那位护士是这么说的，特别强调了“艰难”这个词。爱莎的爸爸清了清嗓子。
“Are you new here, by any chance?”
“你是新来的吗？”
Thirty seconds was considerably longer than Elsa and Dad thought it would take. But in probably no more than another three or four seconds, Mum adds another roar: “I COULDN’T GIVE A SHIT! I’LL FIND A STETHOSCOPE SOMEWHERE IN THIS HOSPITAL AND THEN I’LL THROTTLE YOU WITH IT!”
三十秒已经比爱莎和爸爸估计的要长了。但三四秒之后，妈妈又咆哮起来：“我不管！我会在这个医院不管什么地方找个听诊器来勒死你的！”
“BRING MY DAUGHTER IN HERE BEFORE I THROTTLE YOU WITH THE STETHOSCOPE AND LEVEL THE HOSPITAL TO THE GROUND, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”
“在我用听诊器勒死你，再把整个医院夷平之前，带我女儿进来！听懂了吗？”
It takes maybe thirty seconds before the corridor reverberates until the pictures on the wall are practically rattling.
三十秒后，整个走廊被震出了回声，挂在墙上的图片都咔嗒咔嗒响起来。
The nurse steps out into the corridor again. She doesn’t look quite as self-assured anymore. The doctor that Elsa thought she recognized turns up behind her and says in a friendly voice that they can “probably make an exception this time.” He smiles at Elsa. Elsa inhales determinedly and steps over the threshold.
护士又走回走廊，看上去不再那么自信了。爱莎之前觉得脸熟的那个医生来到她身后，用友善的声音说他们“也许可以破例一次”。他冲爱莎笑了笑。爱莎坚定地深吸一口气，跨过了门槛。
Mum has tubes everywhere, all over her body. They hug as hard as Elsa dares without accidentally pulling one of them out. She imagines that one of them may be an electrical power cable, and that Mum will go out like a light if that happens. Mum repeatedly runs her hand through Elsa’s hair.
妈妈浑身上下都插着管子。爱莎在确保自己不会意外拔出哪根管子的前提下，尽可能地紧紧拥抱了妈妈。她想象其中一根也许是电源线，如果拔掉，妈妈会像一盏灯一样灭掉。妈妈用手反复梳着爱莎的头发。
Elsa sits in silence for so long on the edge of her bed that her cheeks dry and she has time to think about an entirely new way of measuring time. This whole thing with eternities and the eternities of fairy tales is becoming a bit unmanageable. There must be something less complicated — blinking, for example, or the beating of a hummingbird’s wings. Someone must have thought about this. She’s going to Wikipedia it when she gets home.
爱莎无言地在她的床边坐了很久，她的脸颊干了，甚至有时间可以考虑用一种新的方法来计算时间。“永恒”和“童话永恒”这整套系统变得有点儿难以控制了。肯定有不那么复杂的方式——比方说，“一眨眼的时间”或者是“蜂鸟扇动一次翅膀的时间”。有人肯定已经想过这事了。等她回家，她要上维基百科去查一下。
She looks at Mum, who looks happy. Elsa pats her hand. Mum grabs on to it. “I know I’m not a perfect mum, darling.”
她看着妈妈，妈妈看起来很幸福。爱莎轻拍着妈妈的手，而妈妈握住了爱莎的手。“我知道我不是一个完美的妈妈，亲爱的。”
“I am so very, very sorry about your friend the wurse,” she says gently.
“你朋友呜嘶的事，我非常、非常遗憾。”她温柔地说。
Elsa puts her forehead against Mum’s forehead. “Not everything has to be perfect, Mum.”
爱莎用前额抵着妈妈的额头。“不用一切都完美的，妈妈。”
“I work so much, darling. I used to be so angry at your grandmother for never being home, and now I’m just the same myself…”
“我工作太忙了，宝贝。以前我总气你外婆不在家，而现在我自己也是一样…”
“No superheroes are perfect, Mum. It’s cool.”
“没有一个超级英雄是完美的，妈妈。没事。”
They sit so close that Mum’s tears run down the tip of Elsa’s nose.
她们坐得很近，妈妈的眼泪流过爱莎的鼻尖。
Elsa wipes both their noses with her Gryffindor scarf.
爱莎用她的格兰芬多围巾擦干两人的鼻子。
Mum smiles. Elsa as well.
妈妈笑了。爱莎也一样。
“I think she talked about your grandfather without your noticing,” whispers Mum.
“我觉得，她应该在你没注意到的时候说过你的外公。”妈妈小声说。
Elsa retracts her hands into her sweater. And slowly swings the empty sleeves in front of her. “Did he laugh a lot?”
爱莎把手缩回套衫，慢慢在面前甩着空袖筒。“他常笑吗？”
“Can I ask you something?”
“我能问你点儿事吗？”
“You have his laugh.”
“你继承了他的笑。”
Mum looks hesitant. As mums get when they are accustomed to being able to predict their daughters’ questions, and then suddenly find they were wrong about that. Elsa shrugs.
妈妈有点儿犹豫。妈妈们总是会猜测女儿的问题，而当她们突然发现猜错时，总会是这种表情。爱莎耸耸肩。
“Always. Always, always, always. That was why he loved your grandmother. Because she got him to laugh with every bit of his body. Every bit of his soul.”
“常常、常常、常常、常常笑。这是他爱你外婆的原因。因为她总能让他全身的每一处都想要笑。灵魂的每一处。”
“Of course you can,” says Mum.
“当然可以。”妈妈说。
“How am I like him, then?”
“那我哪里像他呢？”
“How am I like your father?”
“我像外公吗？”
“From Granny I have the thing about being different. And I’m a know-it-all like Dad, and I always end up rowing with everyone, which I have from Granny. So what do I have from your dad? Granny never told me any stories about him.”
“我从外婆那里遗传到了‘另类’，又像爸爸一样自以为什么都知道，然后总是和每个人争吵，这点也是从外婆那儿遗传的。所以，我从外公那里遗传到了什么？外婆从没告诉过我他的事情。”
Mum can’t quite bring herself to answer. Elsa breathes tensely through her nose. Mum lays her hands on Elsa’s cheeks and Elsa dries Mum’s cheeks with the Gryffindor scarf.
妈妈一时不知如何回答这个问题。爱莎紧张地用鼻子喘着气。妈妈用双手捧着爱莎的脸颊，爱莎用格兰芬多围巾擦干妈妈的脸颊。
Elsa climbs up next to Mum in the hospital bed and lies there for probably a billion wingbeats of a hummingbird. “Granny wasn’t a complete shit. She just wasn’t not a complete shit either,” she says.
爱莎爬上病床，躺在妈妈身边过了大概“十亿次蜂鸟振翅”的时间。“外婆不完全是个混蛋。她只是有时候有点儿混蛋。”她说。
And then they lie there talking about superheroes for quite a while. Mum says now that Elsa has become someone’s big sister, she has to bear in mind that big sisters are always idols to their younger siblings. And it’s a great power to have. A great force.
她们躺在床上，聊了好一会儿超级英雄。妈妈说，现在爱莎是姐姐了，她得牢记，姐姐们在弟弟妹妹心里总是偶像。这是一种强大的能力。一种伟大的力量。
“And with great power comes great responsibility,” whispers Mum.
“而能力越大，责任越大。”妈妈说。
Elsa sits bolt upright in the bed. “Have you been reading Spider-Man?!”
爱莎猛地从床上坐起身。“你看了《蜘蛛侠》？！”
“I Googled him,” Mum says with a proud grin.
“我上谷歌搜索过。”妈妈得意地咧开嘴笑了。
And then all the guilty feelings rush over her face. As they do with mothers who have realized that the time has come to reveal a great secret.
然后她的脸上浮现出内疚。这种表情往往出现在妈妈们要揭晓重大秘密的时候。
“Elsa! Language!” And then Mum laughs out loud. Elsa as well. Grandfather’s laugh.
“爱莎！注意用词！”然后妈妈大笑起来。爱莎也一样。外公式的大笑。
“Elsa… my darling… the first letter from Grandmother. It wasn’t you who got it. There was another letter before yours. Grandmother gave it to me. The day before she died…”
“爱莎…我的宝贝…第一封外婆的信，不是你拿到的。那之前还有一封信，外婆给了我。在她死前一天…”
Mum looks as if she’s standing on the edge of a high diving board with everyone watching and has just decided she can’t go through with it.
妈妈看起来好像站在高跳板边上，所有人都在看着她，她刚刚决定她不能坚持下去。
But Elsa just nods calmly, shrugs, and pats Mum on the cheek, as you do with a small child who has done wrong because it doesn’t know any better.
然而，爱莎平静地点了点头，耸了耸肩，拍了拍妈妈的脸颊，像对待一个做错事情的不懂事的小孩。
Mum blinks awkwardly at her.
妈妈尴尬地朝她眨了眨眼睛。
“I know, Mum. I know.”
“我知道，妈妈。我知道的。”
“What? You know? How do you know?”
“什么？你知道？你怎么知道的？”
Mum laughs so loudly and for so long about it that Elsa starts getting seriously worried about the hummingbird.
妈妈大笑起来，笑得很大声，笑了很久，让爱莎都开始为“十亿次振翅的蜂鸟”担心起来。
Elsa sighs patiently. “I mean, yeah, okay, it took me a bit of time to figure it out. But it wasn’t exactly, like, quantum physics. First of all, not even Granny would have been so irresponsible as to send me out on a treasure hunt without telling you first. And secondly, only you and I can drive Renault, because he’s a bit different, but I drove him sometimes when Granny was eating kebab and you drove him sometimes when Granny was drunk. So it must have been one of us who parked him in the garage in Britt-Marie’s space. And it wasn’t me. And I’m sort of not an idiot. I can count.”
爱莎耐心地叹了口气。“我是说，是啦，没错，我是花了点儿时间才弄明白，但这又不是量子物理。首先，就算是外婆也不会不负责任到，不先告诉你就派我去寻宝。其次，只有你和我能开雷诺，因为它有点儿不太一样，我在外婆吃烤肉卷的时候开过它，而你在她喝醉的时候开过。所以一定是我们中的一个把它停到了布里特—玛丽的车位上。不是我干的。我也不算是个傻瓜吧？”
Mum smiles and Elsa wipes her cheeks again with the Gryffindor scarf.
妈妈笑了，爱莎又用格兰芬多围巾擦干了她的脸颊。
“What did Granny write in your letter?” asks Elsa.
“外婆在给你的那封信里写了什么？”爱莎问。
“Like the X-Men.” Elsa nods.
“就像X战警。”爱莎点点头。
And she thinks, Well, that’s nice and all that, but Mum really needs to get out there and meet a few more people.
爱莎想，这是不错啦，但妈妈真的需要出去多认识点儿人。
“You’re the sharpest person I know, do you know that?”
“你是我认识的最聪明的人，你知道吗？”
“Yes.”
“对。”
“Have you forgiven her?”
“你原谅她了吗？”
Elsa hugs her until the hummingbird gives up and just goes off to do something else.
爱莎抱着她，直到“十亿次振翅的蜂鸟”放弃，离开去做别的事情。
“For being a bad mother?”
“因为她是个坏母亲？”
“Your grandmother saved children because she was saved herself when she was small, darling. I never knew that, but she wrote it in the letter. She was an orphan,” whispers Mum.
“你外婆救那些孩子，是因为她小时候也被人救过，亲爱的。我一直不知道这事，但她在信里写了。她是个孤儿。”妈妈低声说。
“I’m trying to forgive us both, I think. I’m like Renault. I have a long braking distance,” whispers Mum.
“我想，我是在努力原谅我们两个人。我就像雷诺，制动距离很长。”妈妈小声说。
“You know whereabouts the next letter is hidden, I take it?” says Mum with a smile.
“你知道下一封信藏在哪个地方，是吗？”妈妈笑着说。
Mum’s lips come together. “She wrote sorry.”
妈妈抿了抿嘴。“她写了对不起。”
“It’s enough to say ‘where,’ ” says Elsa, because she can’t stop herself.
“说‘哪里’就可以啦。”爱莎控制不住自己。
But she does know, of course she knows. She’s known all along. She’s not stupid. And this isn’t exactly the most unpredictable of fairy tales.
但她的确知道，她当然知道。她一直都知道。她又不笨。而这又不是童话故事中最出乎意料的事。
Mum laughs again. Laughs until the evil nurse comes stamping in and says there’s got to be an end to this now, or she’ll have problems with the tubes.
妈妈又大笑起来，一直笑到那个坏护士进来说探病现在必须结束了，不然她的管子要出问题。
Elsa stands up. Mum takes her hand and kisses it.
爱莎站起身。妈妈握住她的手，亲了亲。
“We’ve decided what Halfie’s going to be called. It’s not going to be Elvir. It’ll be another name. George and I decided as soon as we saw him. I think you’re going to like it.”
“我们决定好‘小半’的名字了。不是埃尔维，是另一个名字。乔治和我一看见他就决定了。我想你应该会喜欢的。”
She’s right about that. Elsa likes it. She likes it a lot.
她说对了。爱莎喜欢那个名字，非常喜欢。
She cups her hands against the glass when she whispers, so he’ll be able to hear on the other side. “Don’t be afraid, Halfie. You’ve got a sister now. And it’s going to get better. Everything’s going to be fine.”
她用手在玻璃上摆出个小喇叭的形状，让他在另一侧能听见她的低语。“不要害怕，‘小半’。你现在有一个姐姐了，一切都会好的，一切都会没事的。”
A few moments later she’s standing in a little room, looking at him through a pane of glass. He’s lying inside a little plastic box. Or a very big lunchbox. It’s hard to tell which. He’s got tubes everywhere and his lips are blue and his face looks as if he is running against an insanely strong wind, but all the nurses tell Elsa it’s not dangerous. She doesn’t like it. This is the most obvious way of figuring out that it actually is dangerous.
过了一会儿，她站在小房间里，透过一层玻璃看着他。他躺在一个小小的塑料盒子里，或者是一个很大的午餐盒，很难说清到底是哪种。他浑身上下都插着管子，嘴唇发蓝，脸色看起来像是顶着狂风一直在猛跑。但所有护士都告诉爱莎，他并没有什么危险。她不喜欢这种话，因为这正说明了他有危险。
And then she switches to the secret language: “I’ll try not to be jealous of you. I’ve been jealous of you for an insane length of time, but I have a pal whose name is Alf and he and his little brother have been at loggerheads for like a hundred years. I don’t want us to be at loggerheads for a hundred years. So I think we have to start working at liking each other right from the start, you get what I mean?”
然后她转用秘密语言说：“我会努力不去嫉妒你。之前很长一段时间我都在嫉妒你，但我有个朋友叫阿尔夫，他和他的弟弟吵了大概一百年。我不想我们也吵一百年，所以我觉得我们现在应该试着从头开始喜欢对方，你明白我的意思吗？”
Halfie looks like he gets it. Elsa puts her forehead against the glass.
“小半”看上去听懂了。爱莎用前额抵着玻璃。
“You have a granny as well. She’s a superhero. I’ll tell you all about her when we get home. Unfortunately I gave the moo-gun to the boy downstairs but I’ll make you another one. And I’ll bring you to the Land-of-Almost-Awake, and we’ll eat dreams and dance and laugh and cry and be brave and forgive people, and we’ll fly with the cloud animals and Granny will be sitting on a bench in Miamas, smoking and waiting for us. And one day my granddad will come wandering along as well. We’ll hear him from far away because he laughs with his whole body. He laughs so much that I think we’ll have to build an eighth kingdom for him. I’ll ask Wolfheart what ‘I laugh’ is in his mother’s language. And the wurse is also there in the Land-of-Almost-Awake. You’re going to like the wurse. There’s no better friend than a wurse!”
“你还有个外婆，她是个超级英雄。等我们回家之后，我会告诉你所有她的事情。很不巧，我把哞枪给楼下的男孩子了，但我会给你做把新的。我会带你去不眠大陆，我们会一起吃‘梦想’饼干、跳舞、欢笑、哭泣、鼓足勇气、原谅别人，我们会骑着云兽飞翔，而外婆会在密阿玛斯的长椅上抽着烟，等着我们。有一天我的外公也会来转转。从很远的地方就能听见他，因为他全身都在大笑。他这么爱笑，我觉得应该为他造第八个王国。我会问问狼心‘我笑’在他母亲的语言里怎么说。呜嘶也会在不眠大陆，你会喜欢呜嘶的，没有比呜嘶更好的朋友了！”
She stays by the glass until she realizes that the whole hummingbird thing was probably basically a bad idea, in spite of all. She’ll stick to eternities and the eternities of fairy tales for a bit longer. Just for the sake of simplicity. And maybe because it reminds her of Granny.
她待在玻璃旁，直到意识到“蜂鸟振翅”什么的大概是个坏主意。她还是继续用“永恒”和“童话永恒”吧，只是为了简单点儿。或者是因为这会让她想起外婆。
Before she goes she whispers through cupped hands to Halfie, in the secret language: “It’s going to be the greatest adventure ever having you as a brother, Harry. The greatest, greatest adventure!”
走之前，她冲着小喇叭手用秘密语言对“小半”说：“拥有你这样一个弟弟，会是一场伟大的冒险，哈利。最最伟大的冒险！”
Elsa wipes the glass with the Gryffindor scarf. “You’ve got a good name. The best name. I’ll tell you all about the boy you got it from. You’ll like him.”
爱莎用格兰芬多围巾擦了擦玻璃。“你有一个好名字，最好的名字。我会告诉你那个男孩的故事，你是从他那里得到这个名字的。你会喜欢他的。”
Halfie looks at her from the plastic box.
“小半”在塑料盒子里看着她。
Things are turning out as Granny said. Things are getting better. Everything is going to be fine.
正如外婆所说的，一切都没事了，一切都会好的。
The doctor that Elsa felt she recognized is standing next to Mum’s bed when she comes back into the room. He’s waiting, without moving, as if he knows that it will take her a moment to remember where she saw him. And when the penny finally drops, he smiles as if there was never any other alternative.
爱莎回到病房时，她觉得脸熟的医生正站在妈妈的床边，一动不动地等着，似乎知道她需要一点儿时间才能记起在哪里见过他。她恍然大悟，他笑得好像一切都在他意料之中。
“A doctor first and foremost,” says the doctor, and offers his hand as he introduces himself: “Marcel. I was a good friend of your grandmother’s.”
“第一个也最重要的身份就是医生。”那医生伸出手，自我介绍，“马塞尔。我是你外祖母的好朋友。”
“You’re the accountant,” Elsa bursts out suspiciously, and then adds, “And the vicar from the church. I saw you at Granny’s funeral and you were dressed as a vicar!”
“你是那个会计。”爱莎满腹狐疑地大喊出口，然后又补充道，“还有教堂的牧师。我在外婆的葬礼上见过你，你那时候穿着牧师的衣服！”
“Also a doctor?” asks Elsa.
“还是个医生？”爱莎问。
“I am many things,” the doctor answers in a blithe tone of voice, with the sort of expression on his face that no one ever had when Granny was around.
“我有很多身份。”那医生的声音显得很欢快，脸上流露出奶奶在身边时从未有过的那种表情。
“So I understand,” Marcel says, smiling.
“我知道。”马塞尔笑了。
“You were Granny’s lawyer,” says Elsa, as one does when remembering details of telephone calls from the beginning of a fairy tale, say around the end of chapter two.
“你是外婆的律师。”爱莎说，就像人们从童话故事的开头回忆起打电话的细节时，在第二章的结尾说的那样。
It’s a printout from a computer, and it’s correctly spelled, so she knows it’s Marcel and not Granny who wrote it. But some of Granny’s handwriting can be seen on the bottom of it. Marcel folds his hands together on his stomach, not unlike the way Britt-Marie does it.
纸上的字是电脑打印出来的，没有拼写错误，所以她知道不是外婆，而是马塞尔写的。但纸的底部有外婆的字迹。马塞尔的双手交叠在腹部，跟布里特—玛丽的姿势没什么不同。
“I am many things,” Marcel repeats, and gives her a paper.
“我有很多身份。”马塞尔重复道，递给她一张纸。
“I’m Elsa.”
“我叫爱莎。”
“And what? Now it’s mine? The whole house?”
“什么？现在是我的了？整栋楼？”
“If you don’t agree then, technically, you’re not all agreed. Your grandmother was convinced you would go with what the neighbors wanted if they were all agreed about it, but she was also certain you wouldn’t do anything with the house that might bring anyone who lived in it to harm. That was why she had to make sure you’d got to know all your neighbors by the time you saw the will.”
“如果你不同意，严格来说，就不是每个人都同意。你外祖母相信，如果邻居们都同意，你会满足他们的愿望，但她也肯定，你不会做出任何可能伤害房子里任何住户的事情。正因为如此，她要确保你看见这遗嘱时，已经了解了所有邻居。”
Elsa reads the paper. Pouts her lips.
爱莎读着纸上的文字，噘起嘴。
“Your grandmother owned the house you live in. Maybe you already worked that out. She says she won it in a game of poker, but I don’t know for certain.”
“你住的那栋房子是你外婆所有的。也许你已经猜到了。她说她是在一场扑克牌局里赢来的，但我不知道是不是真的。”
“Your mother will act as your guardian until you’re eighteen. But your grandmother has ensured that you’ll be able to do what you want with it. If you want to, you can sell the flats as leaseholds. And if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”
“你十八岁前，你母亲会作为你的监护人。但你外祖母已经确保，你可以随意处理这栋楼。如果你愿意，可以把它转成租赁所有权卖掉。如果你不愿意，也可以不卖。”
He puts his hand on her shoulder.
他的手搭在她的肩膀上。
“It’s a big responsibility, but your grandmother forbade me to give it to anyone but you. She said you were ‘smarter than all those other lunatics put together.’ And she always said that a kingdom consists of the people who live in it. She said you’d understand that.”
“这是份很重大的责任，但你外祖母禁止我把它交给除你之外的任何人。她说你‘比所有那些疯子加起来都聪明’。她说一个王国是由住在里面的人所组成的。她说你明白她的意思。”
“So why did you tell everyone in the house that it would be turned into leaseholds if everyone agreed?”
“那你为什么跟大家说，如果每个人都同意，房子就可以转成租赁所有权？”
“ELSA!” Mum interrupts, so distressed that the tubes almost come loose.
“爱莎！”妈妈打断了她的话，紧张得管子差点儿抖下来。
“Were you hers?”
“你是她的挚爱吗？”
Marcel puts his hands together. Nods with sadness, also happiness. Like when one has eaten a very large ice cream and realizes it is now gone.
马塞尔合手，难过并快乐地点点头，就好像吃了一个很大的冰激凌但同时意识到已经吃完了。
“Did you and Granny have an affair?” she asks suddenly.
“你和外婆有过一段情吗？”她突然问。
Marcel belly-laughs. You’d have to call it that. A belly-laugh. It’s far too noisy to be a laugh. Elsa likes it a great deal. It’s quite impossible not to.
马塞尔笑得前仰后合。不得不这么形容。前仰后合。这笑声太吵了，爱莎很喜欢。不可能不喜欢。
Marcel pauses. He doesn’t look angry. Or bitter. Just slightly jealous.
马塞尔停顿了一下，看上去没有生气，或者苦闷，只是有点儿嫉妒。
“Granny wasn’t exactly an uncomplicated person.”
“外婆也不算是个简单的人。”
Offended, Elsa throws out her arms.
爱莎摊摊手，忿忿不平。
“I can run through the details with you, but it’s a very complicated contract,” says Marcel helpfully.
“我能跟你解释细节，但这是份很复杂的合约。”马塞尔热心地说。
“She was the love of my life, Elsa. She was the love of many men’s lives. Women as well, actually.”
“她是我此生的挚爱，爱莎。她是很多男人的挚爱，甚至还是很多女人的。”
Elsa’s fingertips caress Granny’s signature at the bottom of the paper. “I understand.”
爱莎用手指划过纸张底端外婆的签名。“我明白。”
“What’s wrong with ASKING?” She turns demandingly to Marcel. “Did you have an affair or not?”
“问一下有什么关系啦？”她语气苛刻地对马塞尔说，“到底有没有？”
Elsa brushes her hair out of her face.
爱莎把脸上的头发撩到一边。
Tenderly he reaches out and pats Elsa’s cheek, as you do when you see someone you have loved in the eyes of their grandchild.
他温柔地伸出手，拍了拍爱莎的脸蛋，仿佛在她的眼睛里看到了爱人的影子。
Elsa and Mum and the letter share the silence for seconds and eternities and hummingbird wingbeats. Then Mum touches Elsa’s hand and tries to make the question sound as if it’s not so terribly important, just something she just thought of spontaneously: “What do you have from me?”
爱莎、妈妈和那封信分享了片刻／永恒／蜂鸟振翅那么长时间的安静。然后妈妈碰了碰爱莎的手，努力让那问题听上去没那么重要，只是她随意想到的：“你从我这里遗传了什么？”
She goes silent. Ashamed of herself as mothers are when they realize they have passed that point in life when they want more from their daughters than their daughters want from them. And Elsa puts her hands over Mum’s cheeks and says mildly: “Just everything else, Mum. I just have everything else from you.”
她没有说下去。正如妈妈们度过了生命中的那一刻——她们想从女儿那里得到的比女儿想从她们身上得到的更多——时感到的惭愧。爱莎双手捧着妈妈的脸，温和地说：“其他所有，妈妈。我从你身上遗传到了其他所有一切。”
Elsa stands in silence. Mum looks despondent.
爱莎沉默地站着。妈妈看起来很沮丧。
“No,” he says, “That was you. It was always you, dear Elsa.”
“不。”他说，“是你。一直是你，亲爱的爱莎。”
“I was just, well, you know. You said you had inherited certain things from your grandmother and from your father, and I was just thinking, you know…”
“我只是，嗯，你知道的。你说你继承了你外婆和你爸爸的一些东西，我只是在想，你知道的…”
Dad gives Elsa a lift back to the house. He turns off the stereo in Audi so Elsa doesn’t have to listen to his music, and he stays the night in Granny’s flat. They sleep in the wardrobe. It smells of wood shavings and it’s just big enough for Dad to be able to stretch out and touch the walls on both sides with his fingertips and the tips of his toes. It’s good in that way, the wardrobe.
爸爸把爱莎捎回家。他关上了奥迪的音响，让爱莎不必听他的音乐。他在外婆的公寓里过夜，和爱莎一起睡在衣橱里。衣橱闻上去一股木屑的气味，尺寸正好让爸爸能够伸展躺平，用指尖和脚尖碰到两面橱壁。这样的衣橱真的很棒。
When Dad has gone to sleep, Elsa sneaks down the stairs. Stands in front of the stroller, which is still locked up inside the front entrance. She looks at the crossword on the wall. Someone has filled it in with a pencil. In every word is a letter, which, in turn, meshes with four longer words. And in each of the four words is a letter written in a square that’s bolder than the others. E-L-S-A.
爸爸睡着后，爱莎偷溜下楼，站在还被锁在大门口的婴儿车前。她看着墙上的填字游戏。有人用铅笔填完了。每个词里都有一个字母，轮流和另外四个更长的词混在一起。在那四个词语里，各有一个字母填在方格里，它们比其他字母要粗。E.L。S.A。
She spells her name and unlocks it. Pushes the stroller away. And that is where she finds Granny’s letter to Britt-Marie.
她拼出自己的名字，打开了锁，推开婴儿车，在那里找到了外婆给布里特—玛丽的信。
Elsa checks the padlock with which the stroller is fixed to the stair railing. It’s a combination lock, but the four rolls don’t have numbers. They have letters.
爱莎检查了一下锁在楼梯栏杆婴儿车上的挂锁。它是把号码锁，但四条转轮上不是数字，是字母。
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